Son crying and asking to not go to PS

[mamakven]

So we've homeschooled 11 years, and this last spring, with lots of prayer, decided we needed to PS the 5 school agers. You can see where i'm coming from on my blog here http://homeschoolingwiththekvenvoldens.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-foray-into-world-of-afterschooling.html my K son is a PERFECT fit for PS, my 7yo dd is likely dyslexic so the verdict is out on whether PS will be a good fit, but i'm at that point where i need to try, and my 5th grade DD should be fine whereever! We'd planned to dual enroll my 16yo 11th grader in HS and CC but are ending up homeschooling and CC him, which is great. I like that idea much better. My sensitive 12yo DS came to me crying yesterday talking about how anxious he was for the school year... how this fist fight we'd witnessed yesterday at a community event reminded him of fights at school last year (he went part time) and how he didn't want to be there. this was a shock because he did REALLY well at school last year and seemed overall very happy to be there. I think its likely just nerves, but truly, he does have some valid points. Today i felt at church the feeling that we should be homeschooling him this year, but i'm not entirely sure its the Holy Spirit or if its just the mommy love talking :) Not that there's anything wrong with the mommy love, but i want to do what's RIGHT for ds and i know what God wants us to do is right. We'll be praying about this further, Just curious if anyone has BTDT.

[LucyStoner]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

[Tiberia]

Sorry, I don't have personal experience with this, but if he's a sensitive kid and wants to stay home, maybe that's your answer. I wouldn't over-spiritualize the issue (I'm not knocking you. I'm a Christian.) Sometimes God speaks in circumstances and through our own desires/ the desires of our kids.

 

(Besides, you're asking a loaded question on a predominantly homeschool forum. Most of us are going to vote for homeschooling because we believe in it, for a wide variety of personal reasons;))

 

Best wishes in your new year of school.

Joann

[Tohru]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

 

:iagree:

[smilesonly]

We've BTDT.

 

Put oldest dc in PS-she thrived both academically and socially-huge kudos from teachers. That lasted a year and a half and then dc begged to come home middle of 7th grade.

 

Dc is very sensitive and could not stand the hostile atmosphere and social pressures.

 

I say keep him home. :grouphug:

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'd give his request some serious consideration. I believe children can be in-tune to the Holy Spirit about what they need, and if you've been praying for answers, maybe this is it, you know? I say that as someone who seriously considered homeschooling at the request of one of my children :)

[mazakaal]

If he had never been to school, then I would say to send him for a couple of months at least to try it out, that he's probably just nervous about the unknown. But since he has been at the school and knows what it's like, I would lean more towards keeping him home. Middle school is tough for everyone, but especially, I think, for sensitive kids. I wouldn't make a snap decision based on one conversation with ds, but I would talk to him further about it after the memory of that fight is not so fresh in his mind, and I'd seriously consider keeping him home if he still really wants it.

[laundrycrisis]

My sensitive 12yo DS came to me crying yesterday talking about how anxious he was for the school year... how this fist fight we'd witnessed yesterday at a community event reminded him of fights at school last year (he went part time) and how he didn't want to be there.

 

I wouldn't want to have to spend my days in a work environment where coworkers might break into fistfights. I would feel anxious about that too.

[SeekingHim77]

I would listen to my son as well. We have to remember that kids do not usually tell all that happens to mom and dad. My son started having ulcers when he was in public school. It turned out that they were from stress. It took him years to tell me everything that he had seen in school-bit by bit and we have always had a very close relationship. He was only in 2nd grade when all this happened. I remember not telling my parents all kinds of things that happened to me or that I was exposed to when I was a kid. I think kids are afraid that mom will make a big deal about a situation and embarrass him/her if they confide in her or they are ashamed to talk about some of the things to their parents. Seeing the fight may have brought up a lot of bad memories in your son that he's never shared with you. It might be a hint that all was not as well at school as you thought.

 

If he wants to homeschool and you feel like you should homeschool him then, it sounds like you already have your answer. :001_smile: Blessings to you and your son this year, whatever you may decide.

[Rita]

I agree with what other posters have said, but wanted to add that you can always pull him out after he starts. We have just started our 14yo ds in High School, and he's having some adjustment issues. He's only been there for 7 days, so we're letting him stay. For now. Subject to change, LOL! School decisions are HARD, and I would suggest keep praying about the situation, and listen to your DS, the Holy Spirit, and your mommy heart.

:grouphug:

Rita

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Rhonda in TX]

Middle school is tough. If I could only homeschool for a few years, it would definitely be those middle school years. I would give serious consideration to keeping him home. If he found part-time stressful last year, full-time will be even more so.

[....]

Obviously, I'm very biased. But, the public schools here (I don't know about yours - yours might be OK) are awful. I wouldn't send my kids there. If something horrible happened to me and I could no longer homeschool, I would look around for a private school.

 

I think our schools score #49 in the country (is there a rolling eyes smilie) and the kids are just out of control. If my kids went to ps here, they would probably all be at the top of their classes. I never thought about that until now.

 

I really wish they would figure out what's going on in these texas schools and get them straightened out.

 

Good luck with your decision. Like I said, maybe your schools aren't like ours and everybody's situation is different (of course).

 

Also, it might be rough on you if some of your kids are in ps and some are homeschooled. Everybody would be on a different schedule.

[Pat in MI]

I have talked to several people - teachers, counselors, kids and other parents and there is not one of them that advised putting a child in middle school from homeschooling. They are all of the same opinion as I have heard on this board, that with the age of these kids and all the hormone stuff going on it can make a tough environment. With that in mind, I would tend to listen to your son and keep him home. High school might be a better time to put him in school.

 

Blessings,

Pat

[lmrich]

When does school start for you? Do you have time to change your mind still? I would be inclined to homeschool him as well. Middle school is rough, even in the best places, and a sensitive boy is a target. A few more years from now his emotional maturity will be much greater and all should be fine. (speaking as a mom of son who struggled with this too)

[Teachin'Mine]

Middle school is tough. If I could only homeschool for a few years, it would definitely be those middle school years. I would give serious consideration to keeping him home. If he found part-time stressful last year, full-time will be even more so.

 

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

Biased of course, but I'd let him stay home if it meant that much to him.

[JudoMom]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

 

:iagree:

[Retired]

My sensitive child will be 18 in October. He tell me all the time that he so glad he was pulled out of school. He attended through 5th grade and was already "stressed" and upset with the other kids behavior. He had friends and was popular and made good grades.

 

I am a Christian and feel that God instructed me to home school this child all the way thought. I can tell you there have been times I wanted to put him in regular school. My boys have had some loneliness and limited social teen stuff cause of our home school location.

 

But my sensitive son really needed the a home environment without the negative social emotional stuff that happens in the school environment.

 

He is mature now and has all types of friends but he still doesn't like "people drama" He gives his whole heart to his friends and has been hurt. He would of not survived the "use and abuse" of relationship in the traditional school system. He more than likely become "hard hearted" That what public school did for me. We sensitive type are hurt so easily and eventually we have to close our hearts of to survive.

 

I am 41 and still have difficulty trusting which stems from my high school years.

 

I didn't want my sensitive loving son to be "screwed" up like me;)

[StephanieZ]

(is there a rolling eyes smilie)

 

Of course!

 

:rolleyes:

[Jen in PA]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

 

:iagree:

[chiguirre]

One more vote for keeping him home. I can totally understand not wanting to go to ms, especially with fist fights breaking out. Plus, he's old enough to hs pretty independently so you won't have to sit with him. You'll also have an extra pair of hands in case chaos breaks out.

[Little Nyssa]

I don't think I would let an emotional moment decide it. I would take it into account with all the other important factors, though.

My Ds is also going to PS for the first time next week. We have good reasons for this and I feel content with this decision. But I do expect that both of us may have some difficult moments, and I will constantly be evaluating how things are going.:grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I would not knowingly send my child into a situation that I believed to be physically unsafe under any circumstances whatsoever.

[Peela]

I recently pulled my 15yo out of highschool because he no longer wanted to handle it, even though he could. The stress was taking its toll and it was changing his personality- and he was savvy enough to see what was happening.

 

However, I am in a situation where i could take him home again, even though I am now also busy with other things. At 15 he is now largely self motivated and that really was a pre requisite. In a way we are now unschooling- similar to the Teenage Liberation Handbook. He is doing things his way, taking his life in his own hands.

 

Be realistic- if you can do it, do it. If you cant, you cant.

[Runningmom80]

Poor guy.

 

 

I'm really biased, because I have myself convinced that middle school was the beginning of the end for my school career. (I did graduate high school, and earn a BA in English, so it obviously wasnt that bad. However, it's when things other than academics became priority, and I spent my college years finally learning work ethics and study skills.)

 

 

I would have a few mire serious talks and if he still feels that way, and you can HS, I wouldn't send him.

 

 

Good luck with your decision!

[RanchGirl]

If my child was asking to stay home, I would seriously consider it.

 

I read your blog post because I wanted to understand why you were sending him before answering about whether or not to keep him home. But I still don't understand the whole idol and elite remarks and how that led to all the kids heading off to school? I don't mean to sound snarky at all; I honestly feel that is relevant to the decision now so I was trying to understand. That said, in general I think you should try to figure out what is best for this child for this year. Best for him academically, spiritually, socially, etc. And then, if that is homeschooling, then you should determine if that is going to work for you and the rest of the family.

 

Also in general, I agree with the previous comments about middle school being tough for the sensitive or easily distracted, hormones start flowing, and habits, attitudes and friendships are being formed that really affect the future years.

[katilac]

Be careful you are not going from one extreme to the other. Putting all the kids in school doesn't 'make up' for turning home school into an idol. Whether or not you should home school any or all of the kids, and whether or not you make home schooling your idol, are two separate issues, and should be addressed as such.

 

I am not a home schooling at any cost person by any means. Outside school can be a great choice for many people, either temporarily or permanently. Neither do I think that kids should have full or final say in how/where they are schooled.

 

However, I do think it can be very hard on kids to make the switch, especially when home schooling has been a family lifestyle for many years, and held up to them as the ideal.

 

I'm another who thinks that the middle grades are the worst possible time to be in outside school, but, as it's all planned, I would probably encourage him to try it out, so he can see how much is genuine dislike and how much is starting up jitters. And I would try to clarify issues in my own mind:

 

If you permit him to come home, will you permit the others?

 

Has he considered what it might be like to hs alone as opposed to with the whole family?

 

Do you think that God doesn't want you to home school, or does He just not want you to turn it into an idol?

 

What if some of your kids hate outside school - is coming home mid-year a choice? How about if they are not doing well or learning much?

 

What if some or all of your kids love outside school, and you feel called or permitted to home school next year? Will they have to come home?

 

Many people make schooling decisions year by year. I agree that it doesn't have to be a 'forever' decision either way, but I also think that going from home schooling to outside school (and back again) is a much bigger change than switching from one outside school to another. Some kids will find it very hard to fully engage in either home school or outside school if they know their parents might change their mind the following year, so I think their preference needs to be given a great deal of weight. Who wants to dive into new activities and friendships and love them, only to be told that, sorry, mom and dad are now ready to home school again? So it's important to consider all the ramifications ahead of time, imo.

 

good luck

[Mynyel]

I vote home hands down! :)

[pdalley]

I would move heaven and earth NOT to send one of my children back to public school - at least the local ones - ever. But we've already made plans in case one or the other of us suddenly wasn't here so that we'd NEVER send a child back in middle school.

 

Around here it's like throwing chum to sharks. Truly.

 

I really don't understand even after reading your blog post. I'm sorry. I'll be praying for clear direction. It has taken us years to undo the emotional damage from the brief time ours did spend in public school before coming home. I'm not anti public school - a person must make the right choice for their family. But as long as my family is in this particular district and middle school is what it is then public school is not going to be the right choice for mine.

[ktgrok]

I don't understand. I get that you were making homeschooling an idol of sorts. However, why does that mean you have to stop homeschooling? If you were making an idol of your husband, would you have to get divorced? Or would you just work on having a healthier attitude? If you were making a healthy body an idol would you go and eat junk food purposely every day,and ruin your health, just to stop? Or would you work on the attitude? Homeschooling isn't the problem, your attitude was the problem. Stopping homeschooling seems like the easy way out of that.

[elegantlion]

Maybe God removed homeschooling because you felt it had become about you. Now, with your son's cries, perhaps God is giving you an opportunity to homeschool again and this time make it about the child. Remember God forgives and gives us a chance to start over many times.

 

Some of the best "expounding of wisdom" moments have come when I listened to what I felt was God speaking through the mouth of a child.

 

On a practical level, if my child were crying about going to school, I would not send them.

[Carol in Cal.]

Your blog post indicates some significant clarity about some thing that had been problematic, and that is good. One is the fact that homeschooling does not guarantee your children's future relationship with God. And that is certainly true, but it is also true that it can help. I don't think that you should discount that. It's not insurance, but it's helpful.

 

You seem to feel that your pride in homeschooling was wrong. Maybe that is true, although I do think that it is reasonable to do your best to do a good job in whatever calling you find yourself, and there is nothing wrong with being happy about that as long as it doesn't go too far. Remember that your only strength and talents come from God, and be grateful for them--that pretty much knocks overarching pride aside.

 

Beyond that, though, I don't really see that you need to stop homeschooling from what you have written. You're not making it into an idol anymore. Lesson learned! Now the question in my mind is, are you sacrificing your children's education and well-being in making this switch to school? Please think about this before you go too much farther down this path. It would be really unfortunate to bitterly regret this later.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Carol in Cal.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I would seriously re-think sending ds to ps. We put our kids in ps last fall, without really praying about it, and they wound up learning NOTHING, and I do mean, NOTHING new. The plan was for me to get a job. I did look. And look. And look. Between me not finding a job and the kids asking us to be homeschooled again, I began to see that maybe ps wasn't the best idea for them.

 

I will pray for you. It's a tough decision, I know!

[mamakven]

Thanks everyone for your feedback! i am glad to see i'm not overreacting by being completely WRECKED by this. I talked to dh about this and he encouraged me to give it a couple weeks- i got him down to a week, and if Nik is still having issues we'll pull him out. I am relying on his ability to make decisions and not be ruled by emotion like I AM! ugg. Anyway, to clarify, we are sending them to school this year because i need to be able to focus on my 2year olds, one of whom is likely autistic, he has 6 therapies/playgroups a week and is a full time job in himself, plus i'm homeschooling my 11th grader part time while he does running start, college, the other part, because his high school was just plan too stupid for us to be willing to deal with plus as dh says "the farther alex can stay from those Decatur clowns, the better!" and i'm inclined to agree.

 

My biggest hesitation is that he WAS in school last year, had a really good year and NOW doesn't want to go. though i'm encouraging him to talk about what's going on with his feelings a lot and he seems mostly anxious about the normal stuff, forgetting his locker combo, getting lost, etc. so... i'll keep updated as time goes on. I think we have an overall acceptable plan.

[JFSinIL]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

 

I agree. Give him another year or two at home then think of public school, if you must.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I would listen to a child who did not want to go back to a school, especially middle school. If you can let him homeschool, then I would.

:iagree: :grouphug: but whatever your decision,I hope it works out for the best......

[Plucky]

I'd keep him home. My oldest ds told me he wanted to live with me forever - he's the sensitive type. I always told him he could. Fast forward 3 years and this kid became mister independent, taking ap classes and winning awards at school. Now, he is preparing for going away to university and he's excited.

 

Keep a kid not ready for school home, even at this age. 12 is still so young. He's not done yet, mom. :)

[mamakven]

YAY! he had a great day of school! we'll see how the rest of the week goes!!