giftof6 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I mean, really...do all of you out there with 6+ kids really manage to do it all? The schooling, the laundry, the housekeeping, the cooking, the extra curriculars, the nursing, the counseling/snuggling/correcting/reading-to/spending individual time with/loving on all your children, manage a peaceful house, submit to your husband and still keep your sanity?! I LOVE my family. I've got a great husband who works his tail off so I can stay home with the children. I love being here--most days. But honestly, my house is in a state of chaos almost constantly. I just can't manage it all well. School started better this year, so that's encouraging. I'm much more organized...for now. And honestly, I don't need advice on what I should be doing. I pretty know what I should be doing. I just don't know how to get it all done in a day. And truthfully, I don't even need that. I really just wanted to know... Am I the only one? ...who wants to have the quiverful mentality, but can't possibly imagine dealing with another child and at the same time, can't imagine our house without a little one running around? It's very frustrating and starting to create a bit of an issue between me and my husband because we can't decide how we're going to "handle" the situation. Oh, one thing I would like advice on? How do you not get overwhelmed with STUFF? For instance, I have every piece of baby gear--in case we have another. I have all the baby, toddler, preschool, school age EVERYTHING. Because either someone currently needs it or someone will need it and I can't afford to go buy more. Therefore, I keep it and it has consumed our house. Don't get me wrong, we're not a case for the Hoarders show or anything, but everything does not have a "place." Like...we have the "WHERE'S MY SHOE?!" battle every time we leave the house. :blush: Thanks for the ramble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Sweetie....you are not alone. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 If comfortable, post or pm me your child's ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm just figuring that out now with 3, and I don't include all of those goals in my days anyway. :grouphug: For shoes though, we have a shoe rack right by the door. All shoes go there the moment we get home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I mean, really...do all of you out there with 6+ kids really manage to do it all? The schooling, the laundry, the housekeeping, the cooking, the extra curriculars, the nursing, the counseling/snuggling/correcting/reading-to/spending individual time with/loving on all your children, manage a peaceful house, submit to your husband and still keep your sanity?! I LOVE my family. I've got a great husband who works his tail off so I can stay home with the children. I love being here--most days. But honestly, my house is in a state of chaos almost constantly. I just can't manage it all well. School started better this year, so that's encouraging. I'm much more organized...for now. And honestly, I don't need advice on what I should be doing. I pretty know what I should be doing. I just don't know how to get it all done in a day. And truthfully, I don't even need that. I really just wanted to know... Am I the only one? ...who wants to have the quiverful mentality, but can't possibly imagine dealing with another child and at the same time, can't imagine our house without a little one running around? It's very frustrating and starting to create a bit of an issue between me and my husband because we can't decide how we're going to "handle" the situation. Oh, one thing I would like advice on? How do you not get overwhelmed with STUFF? For instance, I have every piece of baby gear--in case we have another. I have all the baby, toddler, preschool, school age EVERYTHING. Because either someone currently needs it or someone will need it and I can't afford to go buy more. Therefore, I keep it and it has consumed our house. Don't get me wrong, we're not a case for the Hoarders show or anything, but everything does not have a "place." Like...we have the "WHERE'S MY SHOE?!" battle every time we leave the house. :blush: Thanks for the ramble. I don't know if this will help, but it was a thread recently on being "former-quiverfull" or the related. I think you'll find it comforting in a sense to see the struggles others in your situation have gone/are going through. http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=301976&highlight=quiver Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Your house sounds like mine except I only have 3 children. :glare: I have a quiverful mentality -I would love to have more babies. My fertility issues keep my family size low though - and it's probably for the best ;) My DH is asking for another baby - I"m dragging my feet on it. I've had 2 M/C's since my last one so I'm not feeling confident on being able to produce a live baby anyway. I have every bit of stuff that my kids have owned too - I really should start getting rid of it since my baby is now 2 - but there is always this little voice of hope in the back of my mind - maybe I will have another one. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in Austin Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm guessing from your curriculum and 15-year marriage that your kids are still little . . . I only have 3, but I've been *amazed* at how much easier things get as they get older. I used to feel like every day was whack-a-mole . . . just one crisis after another and constant stress. Now, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I am not QF but am Catholic and anti-BC, lucky for me I guess in that our theology doesn't demand that we have children regardless, although it seems in some RC circles it is pretty close to the same. We are currently abstaining here. I don't know if I should feel bad about that or not. I feel a good peace. I feel I am using the signs God gave us to try and serve my family better. I've had some difficult parenting times and some great ones and for once I feel able to enjoy the moment and really work more intently on the relationships with the kids I do already have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm guessing from your curriculum and 15-year marriage that your kids are still little . . . I only have 3, but I've been *amazed* at how much easier things get as they get older. I used to feel like every day was whack-a-mole . . . just one crisis after another and constant stress. Now, not so much. :iagree: Things were really crazy for a while when my older ones were little. Once the older few got to be teens it got much easier! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Ummm...we have six people in 1100 square feet. I only have four kids and I'm only really "homeschooling" K which is not a ton... and my house is still a mess. My husband cleans as much as I do sometimes. And you know what? It's okay. It's just the point of life I'm in and it will change. Soon the baby will be big enough to sit in a high chair and gum a graham cracker while I get something clean. Then my kitchen will be properly clean. Soon I might be able to hand my oldest a worksheet or similar and tell her to do it. Then I might be able to have all of my laundry folded at one time (oh, the wonder!). Or maybe, when that happens, I would rather sit and read a book or something. So my answer? Take it one day at a time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 We have 12 children, have always homeschooled, and I have felt this way more than once. But, you keep at it, one day at a time. And I'm sure you didn't want to hear that....because most likely you've heard more than once. Take a month off schooling and try de-cluttering. It is that that actually saved my sanity. I was at the point that when our 12th was born I had no crib, high chair, playpen, etc. Our babies slept with us, I held them when they ate until they could sit in a booster, and I just never used a play pen with any of my kids so that didn't matter. And clothes seemed to come from everywhere and anywhere. No matter if I kept them or not someone always managed to pass along enough to get me through. Of course I had them so fast and close together that I guess it didn't matter because one child was barely grown out of them and the next child was in them. De-clutter. It is a life savor. I have several posts on my blog about this subject if you care to look. warmly, Tricia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I have five children, but I want to respond to your post as your thread title concerns me. You said in your post that you want to have a quiverful mentality. Guess what? Your "quiver" is full. In that sense, you're there. Please understand. It's not my intent to disrespect that lifestyle choice, although I don't share it. I only want to emphasize that you needn't think of yourself as lesser-than ~ as not being able to "hack it" ~ if you don't keep adding more to your already-full plate. Some will suggest that this chaotic time in your life is just a season. Yes, it's a season, but it will be followed by a different sort of season with its own set of rewards and challenges. Children get older and gain more responsibility, which is helpful. But the physical chaos that can be a house full of littles is replaced by the emotional demands of raising young adults. The fact that those young adults can help with the younger ones makes a difference, but it doesn't alter the fact that they're individuals with very real needs of their own. The oft-provided answers ~ "Oh, I don't do it all!" and "It'll get easier" ~ are too simplistic. There's nothing wrong with stepping back and considering whether your quiver isn't perhaps full enough as it is. And as you do so, set aside the mentality that you've some how failed by not being able to hack it. That's just hogwash. Best to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bluelupine Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I clicked on this post because I can totally relate. I really, really, want to have more children...yet I feel so overwhelmed with the 5 children I have. I also feel sorry for my oldest two children because I feel like they are missing out on time with me because we keep having a little baby in the house. My body is also really feeling the toll, this last pregnancy almost did me in. :001_smile: I felt bad during the pregnancy that I had very little energy left for my children after I was finished schooling, cooking, cleaning, etc. (I'm still fairly young too and in good shape). Yet, now that the baby is here (our youngest is 2 months) I don't regret having him at all. It's really hard to think about not being blessed with another child again and saying "no" to another blessing. I'm pretty sure I will always feel this way though, no matter how many children I have. My husband is ready to be done and wants to do something permanent....I'm not there yet....but I also don't really want to be pregnant again. Sorry, I'm not much help....but just wanted to say that I can Totally relate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I believe that children are blessings, and I would have gladly welcomed more than the one I have. Having said that, God has been good to me in allowing me to be her mother. However, although God did say to 'be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth,' the earth seems pretty full to me. Maybe overly full, actually. So I think that His command has already been fulfilled, and that it is worth prayerfully considering whether trying to have more children is truly His will for you at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I have five children, but I want to respond to your post as your thread title concerns me. You said in your post that you want to have a quiverful mentality. Guess what? Your "quiver" is full. In that sense, you're there. Please understand. It's not my intent to disrespect that lifestyle choice, although I don't share it. I only want to emphasize that you needn't think of yourself as lesser-than ~ as not being able to "hack it" ~ if you don't keep adding more to your already-full plate. Some will suggest that this chaotic time in your life is just a season. Yes, it's a season, but it will be followed by a different sort of season with its own set of rewards and challenges. Children get older and gain more responsibility, which is helpful. But the physical chaos that can be a house full of littles is replaced by the emotional demands of raising young adults. The fact that those young adults can help with the younger ones makes a difference, but it doesn't alter the fact that they're individuals with very real needs of their own. The oft-provided answers ~ "Oh, I don't do it all!" and "It'll get easier" ~ are too simplistic. There's nothing wrong with stepping back and considering whether your quiver isn't perhaps full enough as it is. And as you do so, set aside the mentality that you've some how failed by not being able to hack it. That's just hogwash. Best to you! Well said Colleen:001_smile:. I feel very similar to what you're saying. I want more, but I know, in my heart that I wouldn't be able to give any of my kids *my best* if I did. Heck, it's really, really hard as it is with the four (plus my step-son) that we have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 about shoes...I would immediately take the little ones' shoes the second we came in the door and put them in the shoe bin on top of the bookcase by the door. That way, the shoes didn't get lost, and we didn't have to search for them every time we went out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Well, every time I had a baby, I wanted another immediately. I just loved my babies and my preschoolers and... I married in my 30's and had my first baby until I was 36, so age was a natural limitation and I had 4 altogether. Sometimes I have felt at my absolute limit with the four of them and can't imagine how I could have coped if I had more. So I am glad for me there was that limitation. I would probably have been in your shoes. I have an s-i-l with 9. I could not do what she does. Just wouldn't work for me with my particular set of strengths and weaknesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendybird Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I am just going to toss a couple practical ideas out. It really is a work always in progress thing, and I think most of us with 6+ feel this way at some point or another. Honestly, I think everyone feels that way, even if they have no kids but are juggling anything. The book "Large Family Logistics" has great practical ideas. I don't implement even half of it, but it was fun to read and change things around to work better for us. It deals with all the issues you mentioned. We have 1 pair of dress shoes and one pair of sneakers per kid. They come off the second we are indoors and go in the closet. It is habit now. This ties in...declutter. We live a minimalist lifestyle by choice. If it doesn't serve a purpose or beautify the home environment it doesn't need to be there. I agree with Tricia...baby eats on my lap, or at a small table by 10 months(Montessori style). We co-sleep. With this many arms eager to hold a baby no need for a swing,etc. I read blogs of families bigger than mine and take note of what simplifies their lives. Then I tweak it and use it. Mostly I just want to say you aren't alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Your house sounds like mine except I only have 3 children. :glare: I have a quiverful mentality -I would love to have more babies. My fertility issues keep my family size low though - and it's probably for the best ;) My DH is asking for another baby - I"m dragging my feet on it. I've had 2 M/C's since my last one so I'm not feeling confident on being able to produce a live baby anyway. I have every bit of stuff that my kids have owned too - I really should start getting rid of it since my baby is now 2 - but there is always this little voice of hope in the back of my mind - maybe I will have another one. :D There are husbands like this?!?!?! I was lucky to get the two I have! My husband loves our kids, but he also knows exactly how long it is before they go to college. :) Tell your hubby to pass some of his enthusiasm this way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 There are husbands like this?!?!?! I was lucky to get the two I have! My husband loves our kids, but he also knows exactly how long it is before they go to college. :) Tell your hubby to pass some of his enthusiasm this way! Mine too. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 There are husbands like this?!?!?! I was lucky to get the two I have! My husband loves our kids, but he also knows exactly how long it is before they go to college. :) Tell your hubby to pass some of his enthusiasm this way! I chuckled outloud when I read this part. Clearly my dh does not mind kids, but I wouldn't say he "wants" more or even thinks about it. He is more of a "go with the flow" kind of guy. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I have five children, but I want to respond to your post as your thread title concerns me. You said in your post that you want to have a quiverful mentality. Guess what? Your "quiver" is full. In that sense, you're there. Please understand. It's not my intent to disrespect that lifestyle choice, although I don't share it. I only want to emphasize that you needn't think of yourself as lesser-than ~ as not being able to "hack it" ~ if you don't keep adding more to your already-full plate. :iagree: I think God can probably speak to us through our emotions, questions and reason, not simply by shutting down our wombs when we've reached quota. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: No, you are not alone. My body could not handle any more, my house couldn't fit any more and my emotional state was faltering. I am so madly in love with my kids...but, I wanted them to have a healthy happy mom....now, I am looking forward to the day I get to be a grandma:D. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Please can we tread lightly and not get into debating or bashing either being quiverful or not being quiverful. I feel a little odd really sharing my heart openly here as I am concerned that it may be misunderstood. I do not use BC, but an not quiverful necessarily. I just can see this going down in flames and I would rather not share if it is going to. Not being bossy...not even my thread, but I want to share and am feeling uneasy. Ok....like there tends to be a tendency to tell moms of many not to have more if they are overwhelmed. But maybe they really just need faith in their abilities or ideas on how to reorganized the laundry room. :D Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 The schooling, Not by a long shot... but they do manage to learn nevertheless (almost makes me believe in the unschooling philosophy). It's not the education I hope for, for them, but they each have strong interests and pursue them. On bad days, I just make sure they are up to date on math. the laundry, Older DS, DD, and I share the laundry. All the kids pitch in to put it away. They don't always do a great job, but it gets done. the housekeeping, Kids are responsible for keeping their own rooms clean, making their beds, floors cleared. They help clean the bathrooms. the cooking,I do manage a lot of cooking, but also have breakfast and lunch as "continental..." they get their own sandwiches, heated up leftovers, toast, bagels, etc.. I try to have self serve things like muffins available. the extra curriculars, Total failure here. Lessons are so expensive, and with 6 kids, it would put us in the hole. We try to get them to the library once a week, and a museum once a week, but often this ends up being every other week. the nursing,I'm pretty good about nursing but I have no investment in extended nursing. They get a year of my effort, anything after that is extra. the counseling/snuggling/I give lots of hugs and "I love yous" but probably am not as snuggly as I should be. correctingI am pretty tough on them and don't tolerate bad behavior. I'm not nice about it and I don't coddle them. They lose privileges and get a stern, brief lecture if they break rules, and that's that. /reading-to/Total failure here too... but they read a lot on their own and love to tell each other made up stories. spending individual time withI guess I'm so-so... we all tend to flock together but have our heads in our own thing during the day. But if any of them are having a "crisis" I can drop everything and tend to them. /loving on all your children, manage a peaceful house, submit to your husband and I love them all like crazy, the house is normally more peaceful than it is not, but it's not all rainbows and sunshine. I don't consider myself submissive but tend to let DH make decisions and I don't nag him unless I think he's doing something that might make the house collapse or be unsafe to live in. still keep your sanity?! I struggle a lot with self doubt, guilt, worrying that HSing and having lots of kids is not "the right way" to bring children into the world and society. I anguish over their education and their future. But we are who we are, I can only put my best foot forward each day... Oh, one thing I would like advice on?How do you not get overwhelmed with STUFF? The only thing that helped us with the stuff problem was buying a bigger house. The only other option-- if you really have things as organized as possible-- is to donate or throw away. I lived in a pile of clutter and stuff at our old house, I just learned to be zen, at a point, though I never fully got used to it. btw we are not officially quiverful, but we have a lot of kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Not by a long shot... but they do manage to learn nevertheless (almost makes me believe in the unschooling philosophy). It's not the education I hope for, for them, but they each have strong interests and pursue them. On bad days, I just make sure they are up to date on math. Older DS, DD, and I share the laundry. All the kids pitch in to put it away. They don't always do a great job, but it gets done. Kids are responsible for keeping their own rooms clean, making their beds, floors cleared. They help clean the bathrooms. I do manage a lot of cooking, but also have breakfast and lunch as "continental..." they get their own sandwiches, heated up leftovers, toast, bagels, etc.. I try to have self serve things like muffins available. Total failure here. Lessons are so expensive, and with 6 kids, it would put us in the hole. We try to get them to the library once a week, and a museum once a week, but often this ends up being every other week. I'm pretty good about nursing but I have no investment in extended nursing. They get a year of my effort, anything after that is extra. I give lots of hugs and "I love yous" but probably am not as snuggly as I should be. I am pretty tough on them and don't tolerate bad behavior. I'm not nice about it and I don't coddle them. They lose privileges and get a stern, brief lecture if they break rules, and that's that. Total failure here too... but they read a lot on their own and love to tell each other made up stories. I guess I'm so-so... we all tend to flock together but have our heads in our own thing during the day. But if any of them are having a "crisis" I can drop everything and tend to them. I love them all like crazy, the house is normally more peaceful than it is not, but it's not all rainbows and sunshine. I don't consider myself submissive but tend to let DH make decisions and I don't nag him unless I think he's doing something that might make the house collapse or be unsafe to live in. I struggle a lot with self doubt, guilt, worrying that HSing and having lots of kids is not "the right way" to bring children into the world and society. I anguish over their education and their future. But we are who we are, I can only put my best foot forward each day... The only thing that helped us with the stuff problem was buying a bigger house. The only other option-- if you really have things as organized as possible-- is to donate or throw away. I lived in a pile of clutter and stuff at our old house, I just learned to be zen, at a point, though I never fully got used to it. btw we are not officially quiverful, but we have a lot of kids! Beautifully, honest post! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I used to feel like every day was whack-a-mole . . . just one crisis after another and constant stress. Now, not so much. Not qf, but expecting our 5th child, and this sums up things nicely! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Mine too. :glare: I think twins do that to a man. :lol: mine is SO done. (I'm content and very full with 3 as well, but he is actually scared to have more. :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I wanted a houseful. I'm the oldest of 6. Hubby is the youngest of 6. I just figured we'd have a houseful. We had friends who ended up with 11 and 14. We really felt sick that we couldn't have more children. And how fair is it that women who won't/can't take care of theirs, even abuse them, keep having one after another after another? Our first foster kids (3) ended up all adopted as well as their later-born siblings. Why could she have so many when I struggled with two (and a late miscarriage)? *(btw, we learned MUCH later that my uterine didelphys is so severe that it literally cuts my uterus in half and one half is unusable. Add to that severe other issues that had me lose one tube pretty early (btw, the tube on the unusable side). It is amazing I had the pregnancies I did :) ) Anyway, so years ago we fostered but it wasn't really a good situation for us on many counts (mainly because our placement was as fictive kin so boundaries with the mother was challenging). So we waited. We considered fostering over and over. We considered IVF and then micro-IVF which addressed our main concerns with IVF. And then....things went nuts...and worse...and then.... We got licensed to foster in record timing. We got our first two kids. A month later, we added "the three." The first went home to mom and we got "the babies" despite being closed for the summer. Most days are beautiful. Our house *is* decently clean (not crazy immaculate as if children don't live here like my home when I was a kid). We fix meals but they aren't always from scratch or super nutritious (though we love green smoothies and haven't found a kid who doesn't yet :) ). Laundry is crazy in a family of 9, but it gets done regularly enough and eventually put up. We pulled the baby gear out but it'll be put in the back of a closet when these babies leave (we don't intend to take more babies, but who knows what will happen). First and foremost, what happens well for us is that my hubby is *very* involved. He comes home from work and is down in the trenches here. He makes suppers. He changes diapers. He cleans. He will take the kids so I get some quiet. I leave the kids with him so I can do things. He tells me to go enjoy a quiet bath (yeah, right!). He doesn't say anything about my computer time. He helps get kids ready and out the door. And the list goes on. I know there *are* people who do it by themselves, but I absolutely am thrilled I have my hubby completely on board. The only thing my hubby doesn't do that he wishes he could is being a full time, at-home dad. On that list also is that I have two teenagers which is of help in a pinch. I try not to use them as *I* took on the children. I'd rather them be JUST big brother/sister, but most certainly I accept their help. Thankfully, they give it when necessary. They absolutely love their little brothers and sisters :) As for shoes? When people come in, they take off their shoes. If they don't, the toddler's job is to put up any shoes found (usually, *I* am the biggest problem in this respect). There are FOUR baskets at the front door. One is for purses, bags, etc. The other three are for shoes. The men get one basket, The girls get the other and the little boys get the third. We try to go through the shoes to weed out ones we'll not be using soon (like swim shoes have just been put up this week). We go through the baskets once per week to make sure they are correct. BTW, there is also a rack for jackets, hats, etc there for anyone who needs it. There is a key rack by the door also for keys, the leash, etc. We have picture schedules for the kids to know what to do when and to be able to self-check. My blog has an example (off the website, not ours). This allows them to be independent even as young schoolers and preschoolers. These include brushing teeth, making beds (yes, I make my developmentally delayed 3yr old make his bed), getting dressed, taking medication (yes, my four year old reminds me about his medication each morning), etc. We have limited toys out at a time. We have a tub of blocks (various) inside and a basket with odd and end toys. They have limited books at a time also. And there are several stuffed animals. It is all in the livingroom but not obviously a play area if you are walking into the room. Neat. Outside, there is a tub of toys and some larger vehicles. All toys get cleaned up before you come in and vehicles are lined up neatly. All the children have chores, even the toddler(s). There are pictures above the trash and recycling as a reminder of which is which. Sunday baths, because our Christian meeting is at 1pm, are relaxed, fun, playful. All others are assembly line. But really, though we have some of these types of things in place, fact is that we're not perfect. I posted yesterday that we had a *really* rough morning and to be honest, it didn't ever get better (I thought it did briefly and posted such; but I was wrong). We seem to have one of those mornings or days every 3 to 4 weeks. Those days I wonder what we are doing taking in five more children (and we asked for one more!), especially considering the needs of the ones we have (attachment issues, anxiety, developmental issues, etc). I do think that figuring out some of the above, working out discipline, making sure you can fit it all in, and being flexible enough to sit on the floor loving them all day if needed (the laundry *will* wait til tomorrow, I promise) makes a difference for the average day. BTW, and then there is what is right for each family. The family we rent from has one child. They love her dearly but cannot imagine adding even one more kid. When I mentioned to him that we asked for another, they thought it was beautiful (and they are happy they can help in the way they do providing a home for a large family). However, he so can't imagine thinking "one more would be nice" NOW, much less if he had seven as we do! And you know what? THAT IS ALRIGHT! Seriously, if you are comfy (or overwhelmed) with six, then maybe you don't need any more! Love the ones you have and enjoy your contentment :) Anyway, I'm not an expert. I've had seven since April (4 in March, 2 before that). I do feel like we're figuring it out (though I did visit my psychologist for a tune-up...lol). But let me tell you that I sleep *well* most nights. It is exhausting having so many littles! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 We are not a religious family. We never planned on having a 'quiver full'. We just tried to do the best we could with the children we had. But apparently there were kids we were meant to have so we ended up with ten, biological, adopted, and step (Dh and I were both widowed at one point). I can't give you advice on the religious aspect of your choice, but as a mom of a large family (now raising a couple of the grandchildren) I can say just love them as much as you can and don't worry about the chaos and the clutter. Someday they will be older and you can have them help out with managing the chaos and taming the clutter but please don't waste your time and energy worrying about that kind of thing now. Just love them and enjoy them. They won't remember the clutter when they are grown, trust me. What they will remember is that you loved them and put them first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 (D)on't worry about the chaos and the clutter. Someday they will be older and you can have them help out with managing the chaos and taming the clutter but please don't waste your time and energy worrying about that kind of thing now. Just love them and enjoy them. They won't remember the clutter when they are grown, trust me. I understand and appreciate what you're saying. But it's worth noting that some people ~ adults and children ~ don't function well (or function, period!) amidst chaos and clutter. In which case "don't worry about it" is counter-productive advice. If addressing the chaos allows one to better love & enjoy life & the people in it, then doing so isn't a waste of time or energy.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Please can we tread lightly and not get into debating or bashing either being quiverful or not being quiverful. Certainly! Based on the replies offered here thus far, I think we're doing just that. I just can see this going down in flames and I would rather not share if it is going to. Suggesting that a thread is heading for an inferno is one spark in the right direction.;) (T)here tends to be a tendency to tell moms of many not to have more if they are overwhelmed. On the flip side, there tends to be a tendency to reassure overwhelmed moms of many that they just need to have faith in their abilities, or get ideas on how to reorganize their laundry rooms.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Please can we tread lightly and not get into debating or bashing either being quiverful or not being quiverful. I feel a little odd really sharing my heart openly here as I am concerned that it may be misunderstood. I do not use BC, but an not quiverful necessarily. I just can see this going down in flames and I would rather not share if it is going to. Not being bossy...not even my thread, but I want to share and am feeling uneasy. Ok....like there tends to be a tendency to tell moms of many not to have more if they are overwhelmed. But maybe they really just need faith in their abilities or ideas on how to reorganized the laundry room. :D Does that make sense? Sorry, but the bolded above is a perfectly valid suggestion and not disrespectful. Colleen, who first made it, was being perfectly respectful and honest in saying that. I don't think it's particularly appropriate to ask the thread to give advice only in the direction you wish. There are myriad appropriate and helpful suggestions from all angles. If one doesn't suit you, then disregard it, but please don't make requests to shut down a side of the discussion that you don't like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tmhearn Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I just wanted to jump in here and say that it is interesting how things are relative. I have 3 kids and feel like I have failed, because I would have liked to have 5. So, op, you are pretty amazing to me... Ha ha ha! I also wanted to throw out there that sometimes it it hard to compare families when everyone has different priorities for their families. For example, extended nursing is a top priority in our family. So, that means longer stretches of infertility between babies, longer stretches of disrupted sleep, more physical exhaustion, etc. If I am going to have that as a priority, maybe I need to stop at 3 children (taking into account my personal limitations). For you, it sounds like one-on-one time with your kids might be a high priority. I am not remotely insinuating that people with lots of children don't want to spend one-on-one time with them. I'm just saying that for the op, it might be a number 1 or 2 priority. In which case, you have a very real constraint of the number of hours in a day. :-) Also, and this might be a stretch, I'm guessing that homeschooling is a priority. Ha ha ha! Again, that is going to require a different amount of money, time, energy, etc. than if your children were heading off to school at 5. Thanks for posting this. Even with only 3 children in our house, this issue has been at the front of my mind for the past few months. I'm glad to hear that other moms struggle with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Not by a long shot... but they do manage to learn nevertheless (almost makes me believe in the unschooling philosophy). It's not the education I hope for, for them, but they each have strong interests and pursue them. On bad days, I just make sure they are up to date on math. Older DS, DD, and I share the laundry. All the kids pitch in to put it away. They don't always do a great job, but it gets done. Kids are responsible for keeping their own rooms clean, making their beds, floors cleared. They help clean the bathrooms. I do manage a lot of cooking, but also have breakfast and lunch as "continental..." they get their own sandwiches, heated up leftovers, toast, bagels, etc.. I try to have self serve things like muffins available. Total failure here. Lessons are so expensive, and with 6 kids, it would put us in the hole. We try to get them to the library once a week, and a museum once a week, but often this ends up being every other week. I'm pretty good about nursing but I have no investment in extended nursing. They get a year of my effort, anything after that is extra. I give lots of hugs and "I love yous" but probably am not as snuggly as I should be. I am pretty tough on them and don't tolerate bad behavior. I'm not nice about it and I don't coddle them. They lose privileges and get a stern, brief lecture if they break rules, and that's that. Total failure here too... but they read a lot on their own and love to tell each other made up stories. I guess I'm so-so... we all tend to flock together but have our heads in our own thing during the day. But if any of them are having a "crisis" I can drop everything and tend to them. I love them all like crazy, the house is normally more peaceful than it is not, but it's not all rainbows and sunshine. I don't consider myself submissive but tend to let DH make decisions and I don't nag him unless I think he's doing something that might make the house collapse or be unsafe to live in. I struggle a lot with self doubt, guilt, worrying that HSing and having lots of kids is not "the right way" to bring children into the world and society. I anguish over their education and their future. But we are who we are, I can only put my best foot forward each day... The only thing that helped us with the stuff problem was buying a bigger house. The only other option-- if you really have things as organized as possible-- is to donate or throw away. I lived in a pile of clutter and stuff at our old house, I just learned to be zen, at a point, though I never fully got used to it. btw we are not officially quiverful, but we have a lot of kids! This is a wonderful post. It encouraged me. We are planning on adding #4 & 5 to our family next week (via fost-adopt, we meet them Tuesday) and I'm terrified. We believe it is God's will. We've been wanting this, praying for this for years and now I'm scared out of my mind. My parents think we are ruining our lives. And they've told me this in no uncertain terms. But, your post encouraged me. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I wanted more, but then everything started falling apart. We've spent the past 2-3 years at appts. (It sounds worse than it is, speech, OT, PT, counseling, etc). BUT, the point is that while I was wanting more, I realized that it would have been a disaster. I know that if I had gotten pregnant, things would have worked out, but to try to adopt with all that going on....No Way. And now, I'm 46 and looking at a rapidly deteriorating spine, so I think we're done. But I would still love to have a couple more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Wine. You have a place for everything and you're calm about what you don't have a place for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Sorry, but the bolded above is a perfectly valid suggestion and not disrespectful. Colleen, who first made it, was being perfectly respectful and honest in saying that. I don't think it's particularly appropriate to ask the thread to give advice only in the direction you wish. There are myriad appropriate and helpful suggestions from all angles. If one doesn't suit you, then disregard it, but please don't make requests to shut down a side of the discussion that you don't like. I agree with Colleen and Audrey. I have eight kids, btw, but if you are drowning with three kids and/or the marriage is seriously failing, then you need to step back and work on what you've got. I mean, as women then we might ave an ideal goal of number of kids we want, but if things are falling apart before that "magic" number, then stop! Wait a while and get a handle on life before reassessing with the dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 We are not quiver full, but we are Catholic, and have not used birth control in our marriage. I Was overwhelmed after my 3rd and did not want another one right away. I really care about parenting well, and did not feel like my 3rd was getting the amount of mothering that I would have preferred. After the kids got older and more independent, I was ready to have more. I was so fortunate to have been able to have 2 more. In a way, they get less of me than I would like too, because I am tired, and my teenagers need so much support for their goals, but my little girls have such beautiful relationships with my older kids, so maybe it evens out. I am open to another child even though I feel old and tired, because I have the example of my very devout MIL. My husband was her 7th and she doted on him, and thought he would be her last, but had a surprise pregnancy at 43. That extra child was very hard for her because he had some learning disabilities, and her husband began having health issues, and some of her teenagers were rebelling all at the same time. That child has ended up being the biggest blessing of her life. He stayed home, and has been her best friend for the past 30 years since her husband died. she has Alzheimers and has hospice care at home now. Her youngest son is the one who brushes her hair and bathes her and takes care of her...not out of duty, but because he wants to. I would never encourage anyone to have more children than they can do a good job parenting, but FOR ME, if I got pregnant at the most difficult overwhelming time, I would think to myself, "wow, God must have something very special planned for this child." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I could have written the original post, except I'm at that same place with 3. I want more, but I'm afraid of my own incompetence. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I have two. I wanted more, but God had other plans, and now I can see that He knew what He was doing. My plate is full and we are OK. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Going to pm you my advice. Just dont feel comfortable posting it here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) OK, a serious answer. I mean, really...do all of you out there with 6+ kids really manage to do it all? The schooling, the laundry, the housekeeping, the cooking, the extra curriculars, the nursing, the counseling/snuggling/correcting/reading-to/spending individual time with/loving on all your children, manage a peaceful house, submit to your husband and still keep your sanity?! When the kids were teeny? No way in hell. My first three were spaced 4 years apart. That was easy. Then came 4, 5, 6, almost in one year. As if that weren't enough, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I got pregnant again. It was hard. We lived in a teeny, tiny house that I could never keep clean because it was just that small. (bigger houses are easier to keep clean, small house = clean house is a lie) I was in the trenches of parenting and we were building our finances. We had some great, wonderful times and for me, it was a God boot camp. My rubber hit the road and under that pressure some of the lessons I learned were enormous. The biggest one I learned was contentment. I had to come to the point of if we never move from this place, I WILL be happy here. God will give me the grace to get through, and we will be content in all things. I will not seek for something different (that's not not having dreams or making plans), because that constant unrest is what caused my constant discontentment and fractured MY emotions, which made me a crappy mom. I LOVE my family. I've got a great husband who works his tail off so I can stay home with the children. I love being here--most days. But honestly, my house is in a state of chaos almost constantly. I just can't manage it all well. School started better this year, so that's encouraging. I'm much more organized...for now. And honestly, I don't need advice on what I should be doing. I pretty know what I should be doing. I just don't know how to get it all done in a day. And truthfully, I don't even need that. I really just wanted to know... You DON"T get it all done in a day. You don't. BUT every day you put forth your best effort, and that way you know you did the best you can. But very, very rarely did it ever ALL get done. Am I the only one? ...who wants to have the quiverful mentality, but can't possibly imagine dealing with another child and at the same time, can't imagine our house without a little one running around? It's very frustrating and starting to create a bit of an issue between me and my husband because we can't decide how we're going to "handle" the situation. I thought I was done. I was fried, and life was just too ****ed hard and we were so stressed. Now, a year later, we're settled, life is good, we're breathing again and I would LOVE another one. It's OK to not want another one right now. No one is taking next year away. :001_smile:Or the next. It's taken me 5 years to want another. Oh, one thing I would like advice on? How do you not get overwhelmed with STUFF? For instance, I have every piece of baby gear--in case we have another. I have all the baby, toddler, preschool, school age EVERYTHING. Because either someone currently needs it or someone will need it and I can't afford to go buy more. Therefore, I keep it and it has consumed our house. Don't get me wrong, we're not a case for the Hoarders show or anything, but everything does not have a "place." Like...we have the "WHERE'S MY SHOE?!" battle every time we leave the house. :blush: Thanks for the ramble. When you live that small, you need to pare the stuff down. Really. Now, I know you have to keep stuff, but put the baby stuff and the Christmas stuff in the attic and leave it there. Then go through everything else and really decide on what you NEED. Live sparingly. That doesn't mean paint everything white and throw everything out, but start considering every purchase you make, and if it is going to add to the "stuff' pile. If it's going to end up in the trash does it really need to come into the house? Then, for stuff like boots that get passed down-buy the best you can buy, and then pass them down and keep them in a large bin in the attic. That way you're not buying more each year, they're good so they're not getting beat up and destroyed and wet each time a kid wears them. I mean, that's one example of how we did it, but multiply that example out and you get things under control. We don't buy binders every year. We have names and subjects on them and they get emptied out at the end of the year and reused. Build shelves by the door for the shoes so everyone has a place to put theirs. Or just chuck them in a milk crate, but I like the shelves better. But hte biggest hing is really deciding on what comes IN the house. And, believe it or not, you will save $ because you will realize you don't need half the crap you have. :grouphug: Edited August 29, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I want more, but I'm afraid of my own incompetence. :( How so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) There are husbands like this?!?!?! I was lucky to get the two I have! My husband loves our kids, but he also knows exactly how long it is before they go to college. :) Tell your hubby to pass some of his enthusiasm this way! Yeah well Lets just say that it's easy to want more babies when you don't do a single thing to help take care of them. :glare: Which is another reason it's probably good for me to stop at three -they are my full responsibility 24/7 -even when I'm sick and there is no one to watch them for me to take a break -ever. Edited August 29, 2011 by sewingmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakven Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 soooo yes!!! I had my tubes tied when i had my csection with my twins- they are our 6th and 7th and i prayed about it and felt released to do so, however, i'm kind of wishing i hadn't... its a hard thing realizing you are "done" i went through a pretty serious depression about that. Though i will say that my doctor later told me that she only snipped some space between the tubes so i wouldn't be surprised if she just bought me a few years. I believe God can redeem whatever situation you are in. I urge you to cry out to HIM and find the source of your strength. I know how frustrating it is to have a LONG season of not getting stuff done. Now with a 16 yo, 12yo, 10 yo etc, it IS a lot easier but there's other issues. I would encourage you to perhaps try a temporary form of BC for a year or two and see how you feel after, things can change a LOT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 For some people, their best honest thoughts are, "maybe you should take a break for a while." That isn't bashing, it's not ungodly, it's not meant to be discouraging. It's just one woman's opinion. I don't think it's helpful to assume that someone who thinks differently from you is bashing or flaming, especially when it comes from someone who is responding from the position of the OP - someone who thought she would be "quiverful" but reassessed because she felt that taking a break would be beneficial to her marriage, her older children, or her own happiness/health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 For some people, their best honest thoughts are, "maybe you should take a break for a while." That isn't bashing, it's not ungodly, it's not meant to be discouraging. It's just one woman's opinion. :iagree: I honestly think someone saying that is being loving in saying so. Sometimes women want reassurance from other women, so saying "It's okay to take a break" is meant as encouragement and reassurance that it's okay to feel overwhelmed and take a break, it does not mean failure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I have five, but I agree with what others have said. You can't get it all done. It's impossible. Each day you do what you can because that's all that's reasonable. "What you can" varies by the day. You need to prioritize and sometimes you need to toss out your plans because one (or more!) of the kids is puking. :tongue_smilie: I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown after my 5th baby arrived. I had too much on my plate already and my in-laws moved in with us 3 days after she was born. I needed to breathe, so I got an IUD after not using any birth control besides breastfeeding since I conceived my second child. It was a Very Good decision. Now that my youngest is 3, I find myself wanting another baby. My inlaws are out of my house, I've quit a few other things that were taking my time and energy, and my "baby" is weaned and potty-trained. She can even put on her shoes by herself! :D I now realize I was very wrong in my thinking that God wanted me to pop out as many babies as is biologically possible. I realized that not using birth control wasn't putting God in charge of my fertility, it was putting biology in charge of it. My body and my children are my stewardship, so I did what I needed to do in order to be a good mom to the kids I already have. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
giftof6 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 Thanks, everyone. I am stunned by all the replies! A few specific comments and answers to questions you all asked me... Kids range from 13 down to 2. I would LOVE to put a shoe something by our door, but it's against a half wall and, therefore, would be a climbing hazard to my littles who could fall over the wall and down the stairs. Tried the shoe organizer in the toddler's room... That didn't help like I hoped because they didn't make it there! But I'll keep trying. But I'm tellin' ya, the day I don't have to worry about them falling to their death, there will be a shoe caddy. Wack-a-mole is EXACTLY what it feels like here!! Every. Day. Tricia--I will check out your blog about decluttering. Colleen--Sometimes I forget just how full my quiver is. Meaning, I forget that while I don't have 12, 6 is a pretty big number. I guess my quiver can be full--I just have a little smaller quiver. Thanks. Butterfly Mommy--"continental" meals--love it. Thanks for the thorough response. It made me feel a lot better, and much less alone. Pamela--wow. yeah...I wish I had it as together as you do! Kudos! Thanks for the detail. I can work with that! Taryn--HaHa! Good Point! I'm glad you're glad I posted! :D I love sharing thoughts with everyone on this board! Nadia--Wanted to clarify, because I can see how it would be misleading. Our marriage is good. No problems there outside of a normal spat. It's just that we can't make a decision about doing something permanent, taking the chance on having more, or how to proceed. Amy G.--WOW!!! What a WONDERFUL story! Thank you SO much for sharing that. I am sending you a pm, too. Justamouse--I loved both your answers. Although I tend to prefer champagne. (Then again, 5 of the 6 involved some sort of champagne...so maybe that wouldn't help me.) ;) Rebecca--very good advice. Nuf said, right? *sorry about the way I did the reply, I haven't figured out the copy thing and it would have taken forever* Thanks, everyone. Sometimes just knowing some of you can relate helps. Everyone on here is such an over achiever ;) it's easy to feel like you're the only one who "can't" sometimes. Must go to bed now...week two starts tomorrow! Have a great week everyone! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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