wendybird Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 My sister got married in May to a fellow police officer.He drank around her once prior to their wedding and it was horrrible, including a suicide threat with a loaded gun. The next day he cried, was contrite, swore not to drink ever again. He didn't, until after they got married. Tonight he pushed her down, emotionally abused her and my (5 yo) nephew, and is walking around with his loaded gun. He made her get off the phone, is trying to get his 3 yo dd to go with him to KS(??? don't know why?) and I am scared silly. All these scenarios are rushing through my head. I want to get in my van and go get her, but she is 2 hrs from me and I doubt he will be there or awake by then. I can't very well call his fellow officers and I don't know about calling hers(they work in different depts). I am literally so sick I am shaking. She was whispering and crying when I talked to her. I know I am rambling, I know this is probably too much personal info to put out on the net, but I am a mess sitting here waiting for her to call me back. I am praying he just leaves with his friend, that she just lets him walk out the door. I guess I am looking for prayer, hugs, good thoughts. She has ptsd from being in two wars , left an abusive first husband...now this. My heart is breaking for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bairnmama Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I have no words... just :grouphug: and prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am saying a prayer...for your sister, her kids, her dh... and YOU...right now. :grouphug: Can you call her and tell her you are coming and to throw some stuff in a sack and be ready with the kids? I'm so sorry. I would be terrified too. I would probably call the police in her town and tell them what she said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am saying a prayer...for your sister, her kids, her dh... and YOU...right now. :grouphug: Can you call her and tell her you are coming and to throw some stuff in a sack and be ready with the kids? I'm so sorry. I would be terrified too. I would probably call the police in her town and tell them what she said. Um...yes. Can you call someone? Do you know anyone who lives close by who can go over to check on things. I hope you can get her to leave and he can get some help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am sorry. But, my uncle is a Police Officer. Some of his fellow officers have gone crazy and I know of at least one that killed himself. Call the local office and tell them what is happening. That is your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You can call 911 and say, "HE'S DRUNK AND THREATENING SUICIDE! HE HAS THREATENED SUICIDE IN THE PAST AND I'M AFRAID HE IS REALLY GONNA DO IT THIS TIME!" Also, she can contact the YWCA in her area. (913) 371-1105 Also, the Oklahoma Safeline supports callers in EVERY state: 1-800-522-SAFE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I absolutely would call the police. Please consider it. She and her child need protection right now and help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I absolutely would call the police. Please consider it. She and her child need protection right now and help. Yes, please do this. You will feel better knowing they are safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Call the police if you havent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hon, please call someone. You will never forgive yourself if you don't and something happens. That man needs to be relieved of his gun and I don't say this lightly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Please call the police. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police need to know that this is a hostage situation (at least from your post). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendybird Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I called a fellow off duty officer, who is heading over. She is mad at me, afraid this will get them both fired, but I think she is just not thinking right right now. I am on the phone with her, trying to convince her that she should just not engage him. She is trying to talk to him,"to find out why he is acting like this." Thanks for being so supportive...I know I am putting too much out there. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Im sending you guys prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I called a fellow off duty officer, who is heading over. She is mad at me, afraid this will get them both fired, but I think she is just not thinking right right now. I am on the phone with her, trying to convince her that she should just not engage him. She is trying to talk to him,"to find out why he is acting like this." Thanks for being so supportive...I know I am putting too much out there. Thanks again. They can sort out the job stuff later. He's walking around the house drunk carrying a loaded handgun while two children (at least) are watching. You did the right thing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 AGREE!!! Wendy, you did the RIGHT thing! She is not thinking clearly. Let her anger roll right off your back. :grouphug: Praying for this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I called a fellow off duty officer, who is heading over. She is mad at me, afraid this will get them both fired, but I think she is just not thinking right right now. I am on the phone with her, trying to convince her that she should just not engage him. She is trying to talk to him,"to find out why he is acting like this." Thanks for being so supportive...I know I am putting too much out there. Thanks again. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendybird Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am going to her house.I will update tomorrow. Thank you again. My heart is heavy right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Oh my gosh. I just said a prayer for all of you. You did the right thing. Someone with experience definitely needs to step in here. He needs counseling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hon, please call someone. You will never forgive yourself if you don't and something happens. That man needs to be relieved of his gun and I don't say this lightly. Exactly. There are usually warning signs in tragic situations, and people do not take them for what they are out of fear of making the wrong decision. The right decision is to get help. This is not normal behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 His department should have counseling available and possible early retirement. Not everyone can handle the very hard job of serving as an officer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassiemc Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police need to know that this is a hostage situation (at least from your post). :iagree:Glad you called someone. The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. Not true, at least not anywhere I've heard of. They can and will call in an ambulance, and have the person admitted to the hospital b/c they're a danger to themselves and/or others. This person fits both criteria. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am going to her house.I will update tomorrow. Thank you again. My heart is heavy right now. You did the right thing. She doesn't want to be in the papers tomorrow. This is scary, real, live, dangerous scary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You definitely did the right thing. Jobs are secondary to survival...and particularly when children are involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Google the story about the death of Yeardley Love at UVA last year and you'll see a step-by-step account of how these abuse cases go. Your sister needs an intervention. She is part of the problem in that she's not moving out of state and hiding from this man for life. One more thing that I want to emphasize: statistics show that more women die in the months (up to about two years) AFTER they've left their abuser. Nicole Simpson was murdered two years after she left OJ. Yeardley Love was murdered after she left George (another UVA student). Prepare your sister over and over to be on serious guard for a solid five to ten years after she leaves him. I mean, besides having a trained guard dog, a top notch house alarm etc. I'd also have a panic room. That's how dangerous your sister's situation is. (I worked in this field for a few years before I just couldn't do it any longer.) Please take this seriously. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. Drunk and waving a gun? They would do something out here, if only disarm them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 One more thing that I want to emphasize: statistics show that more women die in the months (up to about two years) AFTER they've left their abuser. Nicole Simpson was murdered two years after she left OJ. Yeardley Love was murdered after she left George (another UVA student). Absolutely! When the Jerk From My Past found me 4000 miles away, I ran out and changed my name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Your sister needs to get out. Completely. Now. The longer she stays, the harder it will be -- emotionally (the statistics say that abused partners go back *seven*times* before they leave for good), economically... And the children need to be out of the picture. His own daughter, but *especially* your nephew, to whom he is not related by blood. I'm so, so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :grouphug: so, so hard. you've had great advice, both from professionals and people who have "been there, done that". hoping she has the insight and strength to leave early.... ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 My prayers go out to you all. I hope help was received last night to keep all of you safe from him.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. This is not true. In my area, a person threatening suicide will immediately be admitted to the hospital for 24 hour psych hold. To the OP, you did the right thing by calling. She may be angry at you for awhile, but someday she will thank you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hoping for an update, I am concerned about you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hoping that no one got hurt. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hopefully you've called the PD or SO which has jurisdiction in this matter. Your sister needs to get this out in the open. Your BIL's supervisor needs to be made aware of what happened, and that it has happened more than once. Your sister needs to get out and get out today. The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. I beg to differ. The police will definitely take a suicide threat seriously. It may depend on one's jurisdiction. I know when I worked at the PD in a small Georgia town, our dept would respond to suicide threats. The were taken very seriously. In some states suicide is a crime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. I hope she is safe as well, but in our area this is not true either. Threats of suicide require a period of holding as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :grouphug: My heart was in my throat just reading this. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I hope everyone is safe today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyFL Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am just reading this and it's heartbreaking. I really believe you did the right thing and I pray that your sister can find the strength to do the hard things she needs to do to keep herself and her kids safe. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The police won't do anything about someone threatening suicide. They will do something about someone hurting someone else. I know about the suicide threat from personal experience. They wouldn't do anything because it's not a crime. I am assuming that this is over by now and I hope you sister is safe. That wasn't true in a case I was involved in. The person threatening suicide (with a loaded gun) was Baker acted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Your sister needs to get out. Completely. Now. The longer she stays, the harder it will be -- emotionally (the statistics say that abused partners go back *seven*times* before they leave for good), economically... And the children need to be out of the picture. His own daughter, but *especially* your nephew, to whom he is not related by blood. I'm so, so sorry. She has a responsibility to protect her children first. I say this as an adult who still has emotional scars from growing up in a house like that. I was truly surprised that I lived to my 18th birthday, because of my father's regular drunken threats to commit suicide and take us with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Please let us know if all is better now. I know this is a long term problem, but I hope all made it through the night safely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 She will lose her children if she doesn't leave him. Failure to protect your children is almost as serious as hurting them yourself. That is what she is risking if she stays. I'm saying this because it tends to be a more essential argument. I think that she should leave for herself, but even if she won't, she might leave for her children. Either way, she has to get out, now, right now, incognito, to another state, right away. This is extremely dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 She will lose her children if she doesn't leave him. Failure to protect your children is almost as serious as hurting them yourself. That is what she is risking if she stays. I'm saying this because it tends to be a more essential argument. I think that she should leave for herself, but even if she won't, she might leave for her children. Either way, she has to get out, now, right now, incognito, to another state, right away. This is extremely dangerous. :iagree: Perfectly said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyM Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I hope everything is okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Please update us when you can. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am sorry. But, my uncle is a Police Officer. Some of his fellow officers have gone crazy and I know of at least one that killed himself. Call the local office and tell them what is happening. That is your sister. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I was hoping for an update on this. I am very glad you are involved. This situation should NOT be left alone. It sounds awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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