s/o of s/o Why do some women not put effort into their appearance??

[Lisa R.]

In the last thread, some were talking about being low maintenance about their appearance. This is different than not putting virtually any effort forth.

 

What I mean is wearing unflattering clothes, an unflattering hair cut, and for some, not wearing any make up. (While some women look great without make up, some looked washed out and tired without it.)

 

I don't think money is the cause. Even if one shops at Goodwill, nicer fitting clothing is the same price as old, baggy sweat pants. Mascara and blush at Target would cost $10 every six months.

 

I also don't think weight is an issue as people of all sizes look attractive when they make an effort.

 

An updated haircut costs as much as an outdated one.

 

I ask this question because I often see a woman wearing baggy sweats and an old, ill-fitting tee shirt, and I wonder why she doesn't take a bit more effort for herself. It takes one afternoon of shopping and 15-20 minutes of extra time in the morning. It's difficult to believe most people can't spare that small amount of time.

 

My dd works with a woman in her 50s. She wears jeans and different colored Gap tee shirts. She pairs them with different scarves and always looks great. Simple, decent quality, inexpensive.

 

Again, I'm not talking about people that favor a low-maintenance look. That's intentional and attractive, too. I'm wondering about those who do not take any time with their clothing, hair, or skin.

[JenneinCA]

Because one afternoon of shopping and 15-20 minutes a day is too much to ask for sometimes.

[Just Robyn]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

[Hedgehog]

It may be because the person is too ill to make any more effort on their appearance.

[Parrothead]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

Harsh.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Not every woman feels a personal obligation to spend money on her appearance, just to please the sensibilities of strangers about town. Not every woman has even that little bit of money. If I had $10 right now it would not go for makeup. It would go for my child's shoes.

 

Your Goodwill purchases and your $10 makeup from Target (indeed, and the gas money to drive to Target) are not within every woman's grasp in this ever-deepening recession.

 

I own one pair of pants in the whole wide world right now, and 4 tops. My only pair of shoes has developed a hole. If someone invited me to a wedding I couldn't go.

 

Please open your eyes to the times. Some of your neighbors are in a recession and some are in a depression, and the vast majority are not thinking about these vain things in 2011.

 

But money isn't the only reason. Even when I had a few more dollars I did not wear makeup or keep up with the latest hairstyles.

 

I don't wear makeup because I am allergic to most of it and I am ethically opposed to the testing and development practices in that industry today. Also, my husband is color-blind and can't tell if I'm wearing makeup, and I only care about his opinion. I wear my hair long because I've done so all my life, and my husband likes it.

 

Some women have religious objections to painting their faces or cutting their hair.

 

Some women just have other things on their minds.

[UnsinkableKristen]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

 

 

Yeah, that's a little harsh. If I suddenly stopped spending 3 minutes throwing on a little make up after I woke up, that would not instantly become 3 minutes I could donate towards world peace.

 

Alternately, I could probably not buy make up and give that money to a charity. But I could also not buy toilet paper and give that money to a charity. You can always be more hardcore in your giving, but you don't have to be ridiculous.

[KatA]

I tend to think of it as a double standard. Women are expected to put on makeup and "put effort into their appearance." But men are never under that obligation or standard. Why in 2011 are women expected to put on makeup or do stuff to look pretty or appealing?

 

A few years ago a guest speaker at our church mentioned something about women and makeup. I can't remember what he was talking about, all I remember was he said "If the barn needs painting..." Appalled. Absolutely appalled. I think I look better and honestly a little prettier with makeup, but to expect women to do that because society thinks you should... Please.

[Just Robyn]

Yeah, that's a little harsh. If I suddenly stopped spending 3 minutes throwing on a little make up after I woke up, that would not instantly become 3 minutes I could donate towards world peace.

 

Alternately, I could probably not buy make up and give that money to a charity. But I could also not buy toilet paper and give that money to a charity. You can always be more hardcore in your giving, but you don't have to be ridiculous.

 

I would say there is a big difference between sacrificing cleanliness and sacrificing vanity.

[weaver_67579]

I never learned how to put on makeup so that it looks natural-and really have never had an interest. I probably would look better with it, but it probably wouldn't look so nice after a half hour sweating out in the garden or when mucking the horse stall anyway.

 

Comfort is of utmost importance here on the farm, as is durability. I have tried to find some nicer clothes for when I go off the farm-and do find them at Goodwill sometimes. I don't really own any sweatpants. I'm sure a good number of my shirts are ill-fitting. I'm rather plump and well-endowed so to fit on top without bulging they sometimes need to be bigger than I would need otherwise. It is easier to find dressier ones that fit than t-shirts. I'm not going to wear dress shirts to work outside or even can tomatoes. They usually are not in a very breathable fabric and I'd sweat like you wouldn't believe-besides ruining them asap.

 

Hair is longer and wavy. I keep it up most of the time for convenience-not the most attractive, but I can't stand hair flopping around when I am trying to work. I do put it down before DH gets home and when I go somewhere-except when it is HOT.

[Joker]

I don't wear makeup and I only get a haircut about every two years. It's just not important to me and fortunately it's one of the things dh loves about me. He likes that we can get up and go and that I just don't care what other people think. He has a professional career and continues to move up without me playing the corporate wife part. He's had three out of state job transfers and five promotions in his time with this company. His work speaks for itself. My clothes aren't frumpy and I don't do sweats. My clothes fit me but they're not anything special ~ they're comfortable. I just don't see why it's so important.

[Lisa R.]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

 

Do you think people that spend 15-20 minutes on themselves are vain?

 

 

 

"Please open your eyes to the times. Some of your neighbors are in a recession and some are in a depression, and the vast majority are not thinking about these vain things in 2011."

 

Again, I guess I never realized that those that don't make effort in their appearance consider others vain that do make some effort. Interesting.

 

I'm not sure the current economic climate is an explanation for not making an effort in one's appearance. There have always been those who don't take any time on their appearance regardless of the employment rate or inflation. I think there's other reasons. JMO. I started this thread to find out what people's reasons were. I appreciate your opinion, though. :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Some of us don't have a clue, don't know how to get a clue, so give up.

[LibraryLover]

I know too many men who do not work out and/or bathe regularly to think that men don't care how they look.

 

I don't know any man who truly doesn't care about how he presents to the world.

Edited August 14, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Lisa, what is the definition of vanity? Is it not something of zero substance that doesn't matter? To people who are barely paying the mortgage and unable to feed their families, salon haircuts and makeup are vain things!

 

If you can't see that, then you can't.

[Alphabetika]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

 

 

:iagree:

[Just Robyn]

Harsh.

 

I agree, but I don't know how else to say it without being less honest. The idea that vanity is a good thing is something I strongly oppose. Of course we're all guilty of it. I don't think ridding the world of all vanity is a goal worth pursuing because it's not realistic. I just get upset when people encourage more vanity and even act like not being vain enough is a bad thing.

Edited August 12, 2011 by crstarlette

[sparrow]

I honestly don't notice stylish hairstyles and clothing on others. Unless someone actually *stinks*, I just don't pay much attention to it.

 

I guess I would think the person has something going on in their life that impedes their ability to put the time and effort into "a look". I have a LOT going on right now in my own life, but I still manage to pull it together. I can say that if things keep going the way they're going, a cute hair cut and capris are going to be the furthest thing from my mind :glare:.

[T'smom]

Maybe when you see someone who is not putting enough effort into their appearance.......you should mind your own business! Seriously. Don't you have better things to spend that mental energy on than wondering about a perfect stranger?

Now, if it's someone you know who used to care and doesn't seem to anymore- that could be a sign of depression and it would be kind of you to see if you can do anything to help.

[DawnM]

My only issue is weight. Otherwise I do keep up with hygiene and taking care of those things.

 

Dawn

[LibraryLover]

Lisa, what is the definition of vanity? Is it not something of zero substance that doesn't matter? To people who are barely paying the mortgage and unable to feed their families, salon haircuts and makeup are vain things!

 

If you can't see that, then you can't.

 

 

In the US, one doesn't have to spend a lot of money to shower/smell nice, shave, or get hair trims. Heck, I can put a razor to dh's head. :) I'd rather not, but, I could do it. lol

Edited August 12, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Mynyel]

Because low maintenance is still maintenance.

 

I put on mascara in the morning. By afternoon it is ringing around my eyes if I haven't refreshed the powder. Lipstick gets on things (like my kids forehead and hair :)).

 

Two hours after I put on makeup I need to refresh (se above statement about mascara) my cover-up powder because I now have a greasy look on my nose because I have oily skin.

 

Because I have three kids (one a toddler) and I always seem to get things on my shirts and never notice until after I take it off.

 

Because 15 minutes on my hair or clothes is 15 minutes I am not chasing a 3 year old who is getting into something he shouldn't be.

 

And finally, because I don't give to figs if others are looking at me and thinking I am a lazy slob who can't take 15 minutes to put make-up on and dress according to another persons dress code. Why do I need to dress to what someone else thinks is good? (This is not directed at the OP, just in general)

[Aelwydd]

I don't think the OP is talking about keeping up one's appearance as a point of vanity.

 

You know, speaking from experience here, depression and/or a lack of self-confidence are often a culprit behind poor personal maintenance. I think that Dulcimeramy is right that the recession is making it very hard for many men and women to afford clothing and items to look nice. However, it's more than that even. People who are constantly anxious about money, feeling trapped in their situations--that is a wearisome thing.

 

It drains your energy, including your emotional energy, and it gets so hard that you get to a point where you don't have the energy to care anymore. It's not that the person wants to look bad or whatever, but that personal presentation takes more effort than they have to deal with it.

 

I think it might be helpful to consider personal appearance as another marker of good emotional health. In other words, if you feel well, you look well. You feel bad, well...

 

I've found that when I'm feeling stressed or anxious, it actually helps to make that extra effort to look well. Because it seems to have the inverse effect as well, at least for me: if I feel like I look good, then that boosts my confidence, and I find new determination to meet challenges head on. I don't regularly get my hair or nails done, but I do try to dress well (not expensively!!), put on a bit of make-up, and keep my nails in good shape.

 

But, that's me. I don't think that everyone else must feel or operate the same way, for a lot of people, personal appearance is considered a perk, not an essential thing.

[KatA]

I know too many men who do not work out and/or bathe regularly to think that men don't care how they look.

 

I don't know any man who truly doesn't care about how he presents to the world. Even our friends in blue color jobs are bike- riders, runners, weight lifters etc.

 

But you don't have a thread talking about men and their lack of hygiene or fitness. Why don't ALL men take care of their bodies? It only takes 30 minutes a day. It's practically free! Nope, no criticism about men not taking care of themselves. But here we are discussing whether or not a woman should wear makeup or respectable clothes.

[swellmomma]

I never wear sweats, my standard outfit is jeans and a t-shirt (some short sleeved some long sleeved). I rarely wear make up because it causes me to break out badly, and any eye make up makes them itchy and irritated, even when I wear mineral make-up like the kind I used to sell at the dr's office. I like how I look with make up, I hate the breakouts and eye irritation so I save it for special events/outtings.

 

I only ever wear my hair up in a ponytail. I love my hair long, but I can't stand it in my face or touching my ears. So I keep it tied back, usually in a pony tail, or in a braid. Very rarely I wear it down and it drives me crazy. It doesn't matter the style, I still hate it(and I have had every style from short to long and in between), PLUS, My hair is straight straight (no natural wave etc at all) and fine. Even the stylists have difficulty making it hold a style for more than 5 minutes without a ton of product. I hate the feeling of my head being weighed down with product so it is the other reason I leave it as is. When worn down it looks like hippy hair- long and parted down the middle. I get it cut once per year because the cheapest place within 2 hours is $30 for a ladies cut, and frankly I can't be bothered to pay that more than once a year. Instead the money goes to the kids haircuts, or other needs.

 

I am also over weight by a lot. It is not without trying to lose it. I am eating better, and exercising and the scale never moves nor am I losing inches. Not sure why but working on it.

 

Add to it broken glasses that don't sit straight on my face because I can't afford to go to the eye doctor or to buy new glasses once I do.

 

I have more important things to worry about than makeup and name brand clothes. I shower daily, hair and teeth brushed, tidy clothes (just not the name brands or the newest styles). I face a good chance of not catching a guy's eye like this, and I am okay with that. At this point in my life my focus is on making sure my kids are cared for and provided for. Whether I am at work or at home I am working with kids, I prefer not to spend money on clothes that are going to end up with paint spills, spaghetti sauce hand prints from hugs, and tears/boogers/spit up from the babies on my shoulder. T-shirts and jeans are better for that. I am low maintence, but not because I don't care about my appearance, but because I refuse to be vain and put all my time/energy into that.

[Guest IdahoMtnMom]

I think it is a two way street.... I live in a town that is uber-wealthy (highest level of personal wealth in the US) and no one over dresses, over does make-up, over does clothes... we all are casual and down to earth.... but rarely does anyone not take care of themself. I go to Walmart once a month down south and I cringe at the the people who wear shirts with holes or stains, have horrid hair styles (out of date or just uncombed), and faces that are not even clean... on the other hand, I go to Boise and cannot believe how FAKE the women are... painted faces, dressy clothes for the MALL, fake boobs, mini skirts, better than you wanna-be attitudes... I don't know... I like keeping it real without letting yourself go.

[PhotoGal]

I guess my question would be why do you care so much about what other women look like? Does it really affect your life in some way?

 

As for reasons, I can think of many:

 

(1) valuing comfort over appearance

 

(2) dealing with an emotional or physical problem (illness, death in the family, etc) that makes appearance seem unimportant by comparison

 

(3) finances - many people do not want to shop at thrift stores due to personal preference. (For example, many people don't shop at thrift stores anymore due to bedbugs). Many people cut their own hair to save money.

 

(4) time - no time for shopping, salon visits, etc.

 

(5) different priorities - not interested in following fashions, etc.

 

(6) environment - not wanting to contribute to harming the environment buy buying clothes, makeup, etc. Also not wanting to support companies that use child labor or unsafe manufacturing conditions in other countries.

 

(7) partner preference - some men prefer their spouses without makeup.

 

(8) situation - some people dress nicely to go out to dinner, etc, but not for a trip to the post office or something. :001_smile:

[Wabi Sabi]

In the grand scheme of things, I just don't want to be bothered and I don't want to spend needless money.

 

A nicer haircut required more frequent trims than just letting it grow long. Then it required expensive styling products and I had to spend time fussing around to get it to look right but never quite succeeded. Even wen I spent more time on my hair and have gotten very good cuts it still just looks sloppy when I do it myself. I've just never been good with things like hair and make-up. I don't want to spend 20 minutes unsuccessfully styling my hair in the morning when I could just tie it back with an elastic and spend that time drinking an extra cup of coffee instead.

 

Same with make-up. I could put it on everyday, but why? I really just don't care enough to dedicate even 5 minutes to it in the morning even though it might be argued that I'm one of those people who "need" it. Special occasion? Sure. But certainly not everyday.

 

As for clothes, I just prefer comfort and practicality. Generally speaking I want my day to day clothes to be comfortable enough that I could sleep in it. I pretty much just wear lots of knits. This time of year it's easy to wear knit sundresses, skirts and tees thank goodness.

 

Ultimately, I guess it's just because I'm lazy. :D

[ma23peas]

Do you think people that spend 15-20 minutes on themselves are vain?

. :)

 

For me, it is not about vanity...but about priorities...so if one puts a higher priority on clothing/outward appearances, does that equate to vanity? Not mine to call...

 

Our clothing/food/hair care/etc. budget is very, very low. Does that mean we do not have the money to spend? No. I prefer to put money/time into other projects...we have horses we are training for a ministry, I have 3 children involved in a great deal of activities and homeschool stuff. My time is sooo measured..literally, if I spent 15 minutes on my makeup, it would mean pulling from some other area...I'm just happy to get a shower after working with the horses for 2 hours, after picking vegetables...I like to make sure the house is in order...and when I walk out that door, the last thing on my mind is if my shirt matches my pants or my shoes go with this outfit. I own 4 pairs of shoes, 2 of which are 'barn' shoes...I am a purpose driven person and when it comes down to it, I want people to see me for who I am on the inside, not what I can look like on the outside.

 

In my former career I had to have the nice clothes/shoes/image...I hated it...I knew I had to dress a certain way (corporately) and I did it...but one day, I climbed Long's Peak in Colorado. The climb up was about 10+ hours...(waking up at 2am to start the climb, after having already hiked 2 hours to get above treeline so we could make that long hike)....when we (my friend and I)...finally made it to the top of that summit and saw the view before me...I felt more accomplished/beautiful/and certain of who I was...did I have makeup on? Did I have the best hiking boots? Did any of that matter? No. And ever since then, I keep that with me and impress upon my girls (now 12/13) the importance of being confident in the skin you're in before putting any coverings on it.

 

Just a difference in priorities...nothing makes yours right or mine right...but your position would not fit my lifestyle, and likely vice/versa.

[LucyStoner]

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[BamaTanya]

I think it really boils down to differing values.

 

I grew up in a home/church with holiness standards -- no makeup, jewelry, long hair, dresses-only.

 

I no longer have the same convictions, but none of those things have inherent value for me. I had a healthy sense of self-worth before. I attracted dh (who was from a different faith) before.

 

I had a roommate in college whose upbringing was total opposite. Even when they couldn't pay the bills or needed free lunch at school, it was part of their regular routine to have their hair done at salons (not bargain) and buy cosmetics at department store counters. I distinctly remember one time when she did not bother with makeup and her future bil asked her, "Are you okay?" When she said, "Yes, I'm fine," he said, "But not well enough to bother with your makeup?" :glare:

 

When I decided to experiment with some of these niceties, it took some effort and sacrifice from the budget. It had not been a consideration. And certainly not a priority.

 

And it wasn't something I wanted to become dependent on. Dh certainly isn't.

 

I do like to dress up and get fancy on occasion, but I would be miffed if I felt like I was obligated.

 

I'm not "arm candy" but I honor him whenever we are together by my actions. I accompany him to his professional appearances and smile and greet everyone. I am gracious and well-educated. I lift him up.

 

He doesn't need a "pretty little wife" to make him look good. We complement each other, and I can feel his pride when he introduces me.

 

Of course, that's always been our way. That's what we value.

 

I'm not saying it's wrong to value something else. It's just my explanation for my situation.

[spaceman]

Frankly, I want to do better in that department.

 

I have a lot of trouble finding clothes that fit well. I also change sizes frequently so I tend to not want to buy clothes that may not fit next week. I also tend to prioritize washing everything else first, so my nicer clothes might be dirty. So, I may not have got options to choose from in the morning.

 

And fixing my hair tends to be more in the 30 minute zone, and I've got two little ones. :)

[Mommy22alyns]

It may be because the person is too ill to make any more effort on their appearance.

 

 

:iagree: I've recently gained a lot of weight and have barely any clothes that fit me. It's like putting lipstick on a pig for me. I have the weight of the world on my back and what someone else thinks of my appearance is a really freaking LOW priority. :glare:

[ktgrok]

Well, I'm the woman in the baggy sweats and tshirt. I dress for comfort. Sweats are more comfortable than jeans. I will change into jeans if I think about it, or have a few minutes, but not always. I just don't care what anyone thinks, and doubt people are paying attention anyway. I mean, why would anyone care what I look like? I imagine they have their own lives to pay attention to. As for makeup...I put on mascara sometimes, when I think about it, because my lashes are blonde so they are invisible without mascara, which to me looks a bit weird. But again, if I get busy I just don't even think about it. I hate wearing anything on my lips. so I almost never wear lipstick...maybe once or twice a year. If I'm going out to dinner with my dh or something i take time to look nice, but if i'm going to the grocery store after cleaning the kitchen...well...not so much. I just don't see it as anykind of priority. If I'm not wearing anything with holes or stains, I don't worry about it.

 

I should add I do have sensory issues, so comfortable is a huge issue for me.

[Parrothead]

I tend to think of it as a double standard. Women are expected to put on makeup and "put effort into their appearance." But men are never under that obligation or standard. Why in 2011 are women expected to put on makeup or do stuff to look pretty or appealing?

 

A few years ago a guest speaker at our church mentioned something about women and makeup. I can't remember what he was talking about, all I remember was he said "If the barn needs painting..." Appalled. Absolutely appalled. I think I look better and honestly a little prettier with makeup, but to expect women to do that because society thinks you should... Please.

I do think men should put effort into their appearance. I don't want to see a bunch of guys with their pot bellies hanging out of the "wife beater" and their hair all greasy with nastiness all over their face.

[Impish]

It may be because the person is too ill to make any more effort on their appearance.

This would be me. A lot. Ever try putting on mascara with your non-dominant hand?

Not every woman feels a personal obligation to spend money on her appearance, just to please the sensibilities of strangers about town. Not every woman has even that little bit of money. If I had $10 right now it would not go for makeup. It would go for my child's shoes.

 

Your Goodwill purchases and your $10 makeup from Target (indeed, and the gas money to drive to Target) are not within every woman's grasp in this ever-deepening recession.

 

I own one pair of pants in the whole wide world right now, and 4 tops. My only pair of shoes has developed a hole. If someone invited me to a wedding I couldn't go.

 

Please open your eyes to the times. Some of your neighbors are in a recession and some are in a depression, and the vast majority are not thinking about these vain things in 2011.

 

But money isn't the only reason. Even when I had a few more dollars I did not wear makeup or keep up with the latest hairstyles.

 

I don't wear makeup because I am allergic to most of it and I am ethically opposed to the testing and development practices in that industry today. Also, my husband is color-blind and can't tell if I'm wearing makeup, and I only care about his opinion. I wear my hair long because I've done so all my life, and my husband likes it.

 

Some women have religious objections to painting their faces or cutting their hair.

 

Some women just have other things on their minds.

:iagree:

My health has impacted a LOT. Including my waist length, thick hair falling out. I now have a cropped, mega curly, look like Gene Wilder's love child cut b/c that's all that could be done with it.

 

That being said, financially, for the first time in my life, I *can* afford to buy a few things here and there, beyond what I absolutely needed for work. Ftr, scrubs, while not attractive, are comfy as heck!

 

I never learned about clothing, beyond, "Am I decently covered?" "Can I bend over, chase kids, cook, clean, without giving anyone a peep show or passing out from lack of oxygen?"

 

I loathe clothes shopping. My top is a min of 2 sizes larger than my bottom. Well, not right now, since I'm 26 wks pregnant, but generally speaking. Now, clothes shopping is physically painful. I can handle trying on maybe 2, *maybe* 3 tops before I start wanting to die. I can't wear buttons. I can't even do up my own b00k shelves, for pity sakes. I have no clue what would both look good on my body, and be accessible for me to wear.

 

Easy to judge, make off the cuff statements, when you don't stop to consider all the potential issues someone may be living with.

[Daisy]

I get what you are saying, I think.

 

I'm low maintenance. I don't wear make-up. I don't like it. My husband doesn't like it. I've had the same simple hair style since I was 4yo. LOL. I don't care anything about fashion. I wear sensible jeans, sensible shirts, sensible shoes. You get the idea. I'd never in a million years get my nails done because I'm just going to go back home and dig in the garden. That said this is who my husband fell in love with; a simple country girl. I'm not ashamed of that and I really don't get women who feel they have to have make-up on before they step out the door. I'm comfortable in my own skin, wrinkles and all.

 

I didn't really think you were talking about me though (I hope), but rather those who appear not to have much self-respect. The "Walmart shopper" blog comes to mind. Modesty (as in wearing appropriate clothing) and hygiene are definitely valued by some more than others.

 

Cleanliness and modesty are very important values to our family. Make-up...not so much. ;)

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

In the US, one doesn't have to spend a lot of money to be shower/smell nice, shave, or get hair trims. Heck, I can put a razor to dh's head. :) I'd rather not, but, I could do it. lol

 

DH trims my long hair, cuts his own hair, and cuts our sons' hair at home. We all are very clean, as well. But we are shabby right now, and I do not see that situation improving. There's a limit to how far you can fix up for free.

 

Some things mentioned in this thread include outdated haircuts and lack of makeup. That is the vanity I'm addressing.

 

Of course middle class people should not be schlubs. Lower and working class people should do their best (and all that I know are doing their best).

 

It is a class issue. People who still have jobs and spending money should stop assuming that poor folks could look a heckuva lot better if they'd just take a little pride and exert themselves.

 

Patched jeans and home haircuts. That is all I have to show to the world, and I am very pleased to do it because my husband's labor provides. We take no government handouts and we put up with no snobbery. That is old-fashioned America for you, but it has gone out of style.

 

Library Lover, I am not mad at you. I have never seen you post anything with ill intent and I like you very much. I'm not even mad at the OP.

 

I am furious at these vanity threads, however, because twice per day someone on these boards posts that they have no money for their child's food or shelter! These women are at the library, because they no longer have internet at home, reading about how other homeschooling moms think they need up-to-date haircuts and some makeup. What a loveless age this is sometimes.

[JennifersLost]

I think that the women the OP is talking about are the ones who do suffer with extreme low self-esteem, poverty, ignorance (in the sense of - no one has ever shown them another way to be), or something "big" on their minds. Most people hop into a shower at least every other day or so and put on something clean. Those who don't often have other worries that trump everything, even pulling on a nice shirt.

 

I never wear makeup because I'm allergic to every brand I've ever tried and don't have the skill to use it well, anyway. I don't have an up-to-date haircut - I'm more of a hippy girl.

 

But when I look in the mirror and see a bag lady staring back at me, I know I've succumbed to stress or depression again. I can't always pull out of it right away, but eventually I do.

 

One thing I've noticed is that if I feel I'm overworked or I'm really stressed and unhappy (and am feeling resentful about it), I stop caring for myself as a way to show everyone else just how overworked/stressed/unhappty I am. It isn't a conscious thing. It's kind of a lame cry for help. Eventually I realize I'm being an idiot and I stop it.

 

That might be the case with other women, too.

[Parrothead]

I agree, but I don't know how else to say it without being less honest. The idea that vanity is a good thing is something I strongly oppose. Of course we're all guilty of it. I don't think ridding the world of all vanity is a goal worth pursuing because it's not realistic. I just get upset when people encourage more vanity and even act like not being vain enough is a bad thing.

I don't think having clean and styled (how every one decides what is appropriate for oneself) hair, or if one wants it. wearing a bit of make up being overly prideful or conceited about one's appearance.

Edited August 12, 2011 by Parrothead

[Lisa R.]

Lisa, what is the definition of vanity? Is it not something of zero substance that doesn't matter? To people who are barely paying the mortgage and unable to feed their families, salon haircuts and makeup are vain things!

 

If you can't see that, then you can't.

 

 

I don't know anyone who would suggest that money go toward one's appearance rather than food or shelter. Really, I don't believe I've ever met anyone that feels that way. Anyone that would suggest that if there was only enough money in the budget for either food or lipstick, one should go for the lipstick isn't just vain but also highly irresponsible (and possibly in a state of denial).

 

While many, many people are suffering in this economy, many more can afford $10-$20 every six months or so. So the question is: if one can afford this, is it vain?

[Lolly]

The truth, I really just don't give a $%$# about most of those things. They are of no importance to me. I don't suffer from low self esteem; many would argue the opposite. I am not depressed. I have my hair colored, but it is the same style as when I was 4..:D

 

So, why do so many women obsess over these things?

[Aelwydd]

DH trims my long hair, cuts his own hair, and cuts our sons' hair at home. We all are very clean, as well. But we are shabby right now, and I do not see that situation improving. There's a limit to how far you can fix up for free.

 

Some things mentioned in this thread include outdated haircuts and lack of makeup. That is the vanity I'm addressing.

 

Of course middle class people should not be schlubs. Lower and working class people should do their best (and all that I know are doing their best).

 

It is a class issue. People who still have jobs and spending money should stop assuming that poor folks could look a heckuva lot better if they'd just take a little pride and exert themselves.

 

Patched jeans and home haircuts. That is all I have to show to the world, and I am very pleased to do it because my husband's labor provides. We take no government handouts and we put up with no snobbery. That is old-fashioned America for you, but it has gone out of style.

 

Library Lover, I am not mad at you. I have never seen you post anything with ill intent and I like you very much. I'm not even mad at the OP.

 

I am furious at these vanity threads, however, because twice per day someone on these boards posts that they have no money for their child's food or shelter! These women are at the library, because they no longer have internet at home, reading about how other homeschooling moms think they need up-to-date haircuts and some makeup. What a loveless age this is sometimes.

 

I understand what you're saying, and I agreed earlier on with your point that the recession makes things like make up and hair appointments out of the question for many people.

 

Maybe it's just me, but I didn't read the OP as suggesting people put out more money to obtain these things. She specifically said if one is paying already to have an outdated hair cut, that it costs no more to have a "modern" do. Or, if one is inclined already to purchase make-up, why is it either poorly applied, or not worn. If one is going to buy used clothes at a consignment, why not clothes that fit well versus those that look frumpy and ugly.

 

In other words, it seemed to me she was questioning the motive behind an intentional choice to affect a poor appearance. I don't think she was speaking to those who are constrained by finances or other considerations from taking more care with their personal appearance.

 

I think that's a fine distinction, and is why I postulated that sometimes, it's emotional stress and/or other issues that just rob a person of the energy to care anymore.

[8circles]

I am furious at these vanity threads, however, because twice per day someone on these boards posts that they have no money for their child's food or shelter! These women are at the library, because they no longer have internet at home, reading about how other homeschooling moms think they need up-to-date haircuts and some makeup. What a loveless age this is sometimes.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[HollyM]

It's just not important to me

 

:iagree:

 

In my teens and twenties I was a fashionista, well put-together, a man magnet. I wasted a lot of time. Now I just don't care how others see me. I'm confident enough not to have to bother worrying about it.

 

Kids starving in Somalia and my hair is messy. Global economic crisis and my Estee Lauder Double Wear has long been gone. Taking my son on a field trip in non-matching clothes but we have a blast. I have different priorities now.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I can't wear make up, nor do I even own any!

 

I would love to dress nicer, but do not have shoes that look even presentable with nicer clothes. I can't afford more shoes, and I have never once found a pair of shoes (vs. sneakers) that I can wear for more than a minute. (google accessory navicular bone for more info. Where the bone is, is where almost all women's shoes cut across, and it hurts!)

 

I also have no clue how to dress nicer at the size I am. I know plenty of women CAN do it, but I don't know how.

 

As for hair, I really could care less if something is in style or not. While my hair is growing out I'm not about to spend tons of money getting it trimmed. I do blow dry and straighten, but I don't go crazy with it.

[BamaTanya]

So the question is: if one can afford this, is it vain?

 

And if they choose to do something else with their time and money, why does it matter to anyone else?

[OrganicAnn]

I come from a family where several members do not notice or judge others on appearance. The flip side of this is that they can't conceive of others judging them on their appearance.

 

I usually wear a little makeup and tend to favor kind of casual/preppy (sorry for the 80s reference) style. But there have been days when I've been doing some messy project and had to run to store only to look down and find I'm in stained rumpled clothes. Yicks. I don't even think before I go out.

 

oh well.

[Impish]

Maybe it's just me, but I didn't read the OP as suggesting people put out more money to obtain these things. She specifically said if one is paying already to have an outdated hair cut, that it costs no more to have a "modern" do. Or, if one is inclined already to purchase make-up, why is it either poorly applied, or not worn. If one is going to buy used clothes at a consignment, why not clothes that fit well versus those that look frumpy and ugly.

 

 

But what if the person LIKES their cut? Why should they change to please what fashion says, or be called outdated or frumpy? Same w/make up and clothing.

 

This is about imposing personal standards on ppl at large. What one person thinks is fashionable and appropriate, someone else thinks is howling dog, couldn't ever pay me enough to look like that ugly.

[AndyJoy]

I don't wear makeup. I'm sure some would consider me to look "washed out and tired" but I don't care. My personal preference is to look natural, not "your makeup is done so well it looks natural." My DH prefers me without makeup. I have had trouble finding makeup in my price-range to which I'm not allergic. I would rather have an extra 15 minutes to sleep in or stay up at night reading.:D

 

If I've been doing dirty home improvement jobs and needed something to continue, I might pop into Walmart in something ill-fitting, unflattering, or stained. It wouldn't make sense to me to shower and put on clean clothes if I were just running back to work on my project. If my toddler woke me up at 6:00 am and cried for a banana, I might run to the grocery store in mismatched baggy cotton shorts, a worn t-shirt (my pajamas), a baseball cap, and flip-flops. If you were my friend, you'd know I don't dress like that all the time and must being working on something. If you were a stranger, I either wouldn't expect you to notice or I wouldn't care if you had a *shudder* over my appearance.

 

When people get too worked up about whether random strangers look stylish/flattering it seems like I'm in high school again:tongue_smilie:. It's one thing to encourage an actual friend whose life situation you know to update her hairstyle or wardrobe, but quite another to see a random stranger once and assume that they don't care about their appearance (or should care the way you do).