s/o of s/o Why do some women not put effort into their appearance??

[LibraryLover]

It was based on a pastor making a comment about "If the barn door needs painting"

 

I am sure it goes along the same lines of something I read in an old 50s home ec book that said "even the barn looks good with a new coat of paint" it was in a chapter about keeping up appearances for your husband :001_smile: Funny I had just read that book last week cracking up at everything in there and this week the same conversation is here on the boards. I could have saved the 25 cents I paid for this book at the garage sale.

 

 

Yuck! That is obnoxious! Ick ick ick! Belch! I had no idea...I would not have asked! I though someone was saying that a person who does hard work....like painting a barn...;) is to busy to be bothered to tend to the shallowness of self-care.

 

What a *terrible* thing for a pastor to say to the women in his congregation.

[LibraryLover]

The barn is the woman's face

 

.

 

That's a horrible thing to say.

Edited August 14, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Amy in NH]

...but it probably wouldn't look so nice after a half hour sweating out in the garden or when mucking the horse stall anyway.

 

Comfort is of utmost importance here on the farm, as is durability. I have tried to find some nicer clothes for when I go off the farm-and do find them at Goodwill sometimes. I don't really own any sweatpants. I'm sure a good number of my shirts are ill-fitting. I'm rather plump and well-endowed so to fit on top without bulging they sometimes need to be bigger than I would need otherwise. It is easier to find dressier ones that fit than t-shirts. I'm not going to wear dress shirts to work outside or even can tomatoes. They usually are not in a very breathable fabric and I'd sweat like you wouldn't believe-besides ruining them asap.

 

Hair is longer and wavy. I keep it up most of the time for convenience-not the most attractive, but I can't stand hair flopping around when I am trying to work. I do put it down before DH gets home and when I go somewhere-except when it is HOT.

 

:iagree:

[Amy in NH]

hair trims

 

To maintain a "stylish" feminine hair style means getting a cut every 6 weeks. I think the cheapest I could possibly find would be $15/"trim". 52/6*$15~$130/year. My family just doesn't have that money, especially considering that everyone else in the house also needs a "trim". Other things are more important to us, like paying the electric bill. I probably get my hair cut once per year.

[cloversandlions]

I haven't been able to read a lot of the posts here, but a) there are probably plenty of times when my appearance falls within the category of appearance being referenced by the OP, and b) I'm not offended by the question at all.

 

Plenty of folks have given answers that are true for me, but specific to the OP's questions, I wanted to add that if I have an afternoon free for shopping, I'm more likely going to shop for my children. And, it's not that I don't care about my appearance, but I think plenty of folks take for granted the ability to put things together that look good - even simple items like the OP's example of her dh's coworker. I've never bought a scarf, and all those sorts of fashion accessories just feel a little intimidating. My sister buys earrings that I think are hideous, but when she wears them - gosh, they look pretty good after all. I have no confidence in my ability to *see* a good outfit from seemingly random options.

 

I like make-up (or the idea of make-up), and I know I look and feel better about my appearance) when I wear it, but as so many others have mentioned, my eyes itch and sting no matter what brand I've tried. Adding a "cruelty-free" search on top of that makes the search for acceptable products that much more difficult. I will, however, wear make-up under certain circumstances - when dh was one of a handful of award recipients last year, and we were invited to the awards ceremony and dinner at the Smithsonian, you can bet I dressed up. Felt like a fraud, but I did. :lol:

 

My dh earns a pretty decent income, but...my priorities just never skew toward make-up and salon treatments. I'm graying on top, and I love it. My hair is a simple "few inches past shoulder-length" style, and I almost always wear it in a ponytail. Someone mentioned that she didn't like the feel of loose hair, and that's how it is for me, too.

 

Clothing? I'm probably a little harder to fit than most: too short even for petite clothing, and too wide for even the largest sizes. I will add, however, when I was much smaller, I did dress more nicely...because there were more clothing options. I'm not sure I would have been considered fashionable, but it was easier to look "put together" (or at least...put together 'enough'!). Some people look great in jeans and a t-shirt. Others...gosh, they just don't. I think body type can have a lot to do with that.

 

I hate spending money on new clothes, for many of the reasons others have mentioned. Even if I do/did have several hundreds of dollars to spend on clothes, seasonally perhaps, I'd rather spend it on something I value even more (like gadgets...I'd happily give up a few years' worth of new clothes to buy an iPad today :lol:)

 

HOWEVER. I get it. There are trade-offs, and not for nothing, there are days when I look down at my clothing and find myself utterly dismayed that I've walked out of the house wearing something I'd really rather have kept out of the public eye. My clothes are clean, I shower, I wash and brush (but blow-dry? pretty much never) my hair (which hasn't had a proper cut in nearly a year)...my hygiene is excellent, but I'm sure I look frumpy. It's not intentional, but it's not being lazy, either.

 

It's a little bit of all - or most - of what's already been said, but even saying that doesn't quite answer the question. For some - maybe even many - taking pride (and I don't mean sinful pride - I mean just taking care to look clean, and reasonably 'put together') is really important, and the those ~20 extra minutes a day are well-spent. For others, what they value is just...different.

[Heather in Neverland]

The only person I try to please with my appearance is my dh and he doesn't care if I wear make-up but probably wouldn't be thrilled if I wore sweatpants and dirty tshirts every day.

 

I also keep up my appearance for work because I am a professional.

 

But I think each woman has to decide who she wants to "keep up her appearance" for and then find out what that means.

 

If your dh could care less what you wear, what you weigh, what your hair looks like... and if your dh's opinion is the only one that matters to you... then go for it and who cares what other people think?

[Laura Corin]

They don't want to? It's not a moral imperative.

 

Laura

[NavyWifeandMommy]

could just be one of those days. sometimes you just wanna be a bum. I personally don't spend more than 5 minutes on appearances. Hair is up, no make-up and only have 4 outfits plus a church going outfit. usually once a month will live in my sweats n Ts for about 3 days for comfort reasons.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I just never give it a thought. It just doesn't occur to me to put on makeup. My mom was a big Tom boy so maybe I never saw it modeled?

[Runningmom80]

To maintain a "stylish" feminine hair style means getting a cut every 6 weeks. I think the cheapest I could possibly find would be $15/"trim". 52/6*$15~$130/year. My family just doesn't have that money, especially considering that everyone else in the house also needs a "trim". Other things are more important to us, like paying the electric bill. I probably get my hair cut once per year.

 

Thats not true. I get my hair cut every 4-5 months, and I consider myself pretty stylish.

 

 

Apparently i'm vain and selfish too, according to this thread.

 

 

 

I'm relatively new to these boards, not really sure how to take some of these posts.

[nono]

I like the "ta da" factor.

 

I'm usually working around the house or just done a run, so folks see me in paint-splashed, dirt-covered, or sweat covered attire. No make-up involved and I get my hair shaved twice a year, because my lifestyle doesn't support hair! :)

 

But every once in awhile, I'll have a rest day, where I'm showered, and I put some product in my hair, put on some decent clothes, a little make-up and am seen around town. TA DA! Even in my late 40s, I think I "clean up good," but I think there being such a contrast helps give me a few bonus points. :tongue_smilie:

 

But I actually don't think I'm the one the OP is talking about...I feel like I do have my "look" of busy "Coasty" down just right. (Let me dream!)

[JulieH]

I get my hair cut every 4-5 weeks, my nails done every 2 weeks and try to buy nice clothes, though I don't spend a ton on clothing..but I do try to look nice when I leave the house.

 

Despite what some here might have to say, I am NOT "vain" and I am not selfish..at all.

 

It takes me 30 minutes to shower and get myself together for the day and they are 30 restful, peaceful minutes very well spent.

 

Heck, some of my best prayer time is spent in the shower! lol

[creekland]

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances...

 

I'm also too lazy to read 17 pages of replies, but this is my reason.

 

I simply don't care in the least if others don't think I look up to their standards. I wear what I like. I don't use makeup because I can't stand the stuff. And I like my "easy" haircut whether it's in style or out of it. I couldn't even tell you what is in or out of style for clothes or hair, nor do I care.

 

Fortunately, hubby has commented several times that he loves that I don't care (unlike many wives/women). ;) He also loves how much money we save by not buying makeup, jewelry, etc.

[JulieH]

Vanity - excessive pride in one's appearance, abilities, etc.

 

Someone can be just as prideful about their simple unadorned appearance as another can be about their perfectly made-up one. ;)

 

Funny how that works.

:iagree: I see that ALL the time in homeschool circles!;)

[2squared]

I try to primp, but it all comes down to being a natural girl. Really. I am more comfortable with a simple haircut, no makeup, and comfortable, fitted clothes. I think being comfortable with yourself makes you attractive. My best accessory is my smile.

 

That being said, I am going to try to learn about primping so I can guide my daughters with such things. It should be interesting.

 

ETA: I am very frugal as well. It pains me to think about spending money on makeup and haircare. I know it supposedly can cost only $10 or so, but I haven't found that to be true for me. If I wear makeup, I want the natural mineral makeup. Then if I am doing something with my hair, it includes a variety of mouse, hair spray, hair clips, hair bands, etc. Then if I were to accessorize (which I clearly have no business attempting)....accessories are not cheap. I'm not sure how I will be able to afford two dd's!!

Edited August 12, 2011 by 2squared

[FiveOaksAcademy]

This isn't really something I think much about. I do get my hair done but not every 6 weeks. I do wear makeup, but not a lot. I don't wear jewelry, nor do I feel I have time or money to put clothes together in order to be fashionable. I don't much care what other people do in this area, and rarely do I notice. I find pride over not spending money on your own appearance just as offensive as pride over how put together you are.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm relatively new to these boards, not really sure how to take some of these posts.

 

Not personally, unless you want to.

 

Rosie

[creekland]

 

That being said, I am going to try to learn about primping so I can guide my daughters with such things. It should be interesting.

 

 

 

God was nice and gave me sons! :lol:

 

Hubby has told them several times to be careful when looking for a potential wife if they want one like their mom as opposed to "normal" women - "low maintenance" he calls it. He also has warned them about things "normal" women want/do (make up, flowers, shopping, etc). He doesn't want them surprised by thinking all females are like their mom!

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

But you don't have a thread talking about men and their lack of hygiene or fitness. Why don't ALL men take care of their bodies? It only takes 30 minutes a day. It's practically free! Nope, no criticism about men not taking care of themselves. But here we are discussing whether or not a woman should wear makeup or respectable clothes.

 

If you want me to start a thread about that, I will gladly do it.

 

BTW, I do expect my dh to work at staying fit and groomed. I help out by cooking decent meals for him (packing him a vegan lunch) and helping him pick out stylish and flattering clothes (from Goodwill if I'm lucky).

[AuntPol]

I used to be into vanity -clothes, make up, heels always, hair always done, tanners, etc. I had a job that required it.

 

Then I joined Marines and I got out of habit of dressing up as I always wore a uniform; hair in a bun or short and no-fuss; quit wearing make-up because being at work at 3:30 AM, you don't want to spend and extra 10 minutes looking nice, you want to sleep plus I really don't want to do PT in make up.

 

Then I got of Marines and had back to back babies. I was too tired to get dressed up and didn't have a lot of nice clothes I could fit into. Going from two salaries to one salary, we couldn't afford spending money on clothes so I wore DH's sweats.

 

Now -I dress up for church, going out to eat w/the girls but I also don't dress up to run to library, grocery store, etc. Often I am running errands on the way home from gym and so I will have hair plastered to my face because it's not going to hold a style after a workout and not long enough for a pony tail. I will have a red face so make up is pointless. I will be sweaty and wearing sweats!

 

I just don't care about looks anymore. I really don't. I value comfort. Our budget is tight so I don't have that extra money. I had a weight gain last spring and I don't have clothes that look flattering and can't afford to go buy anymore. I'm trying to lose that weight now but it's going slower than it went on.

[Wheres Toto]

Not every woman feels a personal obligation to spend money on her appearance, just to please the sensibilities of strangers about town. Not every woman has even that little bit of money. If I had $10 right now it would not go for makeup. It would go for my child's shoes.

 

Your Goodwill purchases and your $10 makeup from Target (indeed, and the gas money to drive to Target) are not within every woman's grasp in this ever-deepening recession.

 

I own one pair of pants in the whole wide world right now, and 4 tops. My only pair of shoes has developed a hole. If someone invited me to a wedding I couldn't go.

 

Please open your eyes to the times. Some of your neighbors are in a recession and some are in a depression, and the vast majority are not thinking about these vain things in 2011.

 

But money isn't the only reason. Even when I had a few more dollars I did not wear makeup or keep up with the latest hairstyles.

 

I don't wear makeup because I am allergic to most of it and I am ethically opposed to the testing and development practices in that industry today. Also, my husband is color-blind and can't tell if I'm wearing makeup, and I only care about his opinion. I wear my hair long because I've done so all my life, and my husband likes it.

 

Some women have religious objections to painting their faces or cutting their hair.

 

Some women just have other things on their minds.

:iagree:

 

Have you priced make-up lately? Except for one or two brands that are marketed to kids, it's expensive. A mascara or lipstick is over $5, an eyeliner at least $4. And it's all supposed to be replaced every few months depending on what it is. I don't wear make-up but my oldest does and I've very recently gotten a look at the prices.

 

I keep my hair long and simple because that is the easiest style for my long, wavy, course, thick hair - it's all one length with bangs. It can be pulled up to look neat and professional but I mostly wear it down loose or in a sloppy bun. Just about any "trendy" hairstyle with my hair would require long amounts of time to do it. Drying it alone takes 30 to 45 minutes and that's at a salon with the heavy-duty dryers (I very very rarely dry it at home). Then straightening or curling. I don't have that kind of time to waste and I can't stand the smell of hairsprays or gels.

 

DH doesn't care if I wear make-up, I usually don't even think of it unless it's a special occasion. I definitely don't feel the need to put on make-up for the folks at the supermarket. I'm sure I looked washed-out without it but I don't go out thinking about all the people judging me for not wearing make-up - it just doesn't even occur to me. I've always been that way, even as a teenager.

 

As for clothes - I'm built small on top, with a pouch from two kids/two c-sections and big hips and thighs. It's not that easy to find clothes that fit. I do okay with jeans but shirts are going to be baggy around my booKs unless they are super snug on my belly and hips. I prefer the baggy. I wear sneakers, slides or Uggs - low or no heels and wide - because they don't make my feet hurt. I borrowed a pair of dd's shoes for a wedding and could barely walk by the end. I've been waking up with the sore feet characteristic of plantar fascitiis (need to go to the doctor) so I doubt I'm going to increase my wearing of "cute" shoes.

 

Now that I've answered without reading the whole thread, I hope it didn't take a turn into a completely different realm. ;)

 

Edited to add: I'm not judging those people who do look put together. I usually barely notice. Unless someone is dressed truly outrageous (think People of Walmart) it doesn't hit my radar. I'm not much of a people watcher.

Edited August 12, 2011 by dottieanna29

[Mom in High Heels]

After reading all 17 pages of this thread I have learned that I am vain, selfish, prideful, foolish with my money, ignore my family, lack self confidence, and don't care about the suffering of others because I take time for myself, care that I wear nice clothes, wear make up and have my hair done. Thank you all for educating me on what a horrible person I am.

Why is it okay to judge a person who puts effort into the way they look, but not people who don't?

[Mynyel]

I think the bolded is so true. Women are harder on each other than any man could be ~ at least in my experience. I find it funny about the song lyrics. How many men have written or recorded songs about how they prefer women with no makeup and plain clothes? I can think of a few and find it interesting.

 

ROFL, This is because most men aren't looking at the face of a woman! :D:lol:

 

I do say this in jest, not to offend... the thread has gotten pretty heated!

[Lolly]

:iagree:

 

And you'd have to sit with me while I cry through the shoe departments.

 

I can't even find snow boots that do not hurt my feet! :crying: (I wear sneakers with orthotics, and always have. I was barefoot at my father's wedding.)

 

 

Heads up! Try the five-finger shoes. They look awful. The shoe salesman even tried to talk me out of them. I am not in the demographic...I can now walk for exercise for the first time in years. If I wear them at least every other day, I can even wear other shoes sometimes!

 

 

It's worse than that. Somewhere, there's a farmer, who's too poor to buy fertilizer.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[mommaduck]

After reading all 17 pages of this thread I have learned that I am vain, selfish, prideful, foolish with my money, ignore my family, lack self confidence, and don't care about the suffering of others because I take time for myself, care that I wear nice clothes, wear make up and have my hair done. Thank you all for educating me on what a horrible person I am.

Why is it okay to judge a person who puts effort into the way they look, but not people who don't?

 

What's being said is not to be too quick to judge those that don't; they have their own reasons. For them, it may be a matter of taking time away from their children, especially if their time may be more limited than yours. It may be a matter of taking money away from more important things when you are doing better financially. It may be a *belief* of vanity that you don't share. It may or may not be self confidence, view of self confidence, or a struggle one direction for them and a struggle another for you...or neither, just pov's that aren't shared. I *gasp* have bought clothes at WM. A friend of mine likes to point out that she doesn't buy "slave made". :glare: I buy what I'm able and figure the people that made it are grateful for any job (though I wish they had better and I wish I could afford better...the world goes round). Etc. The problem lies initially with the judgements from the other thread without much acknowledgement to all the other factors that may be at play.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Heads up! Try the five-finger shoes. They look awful. The shoe salesman even tried to talk me out of them. I am not in the demographic...I can now walk for exercise for the first time in years. If I wear them at least every other day, I can even wear other shoes sometimes!

 

 

Nothing between my toes either, thanks! :D

 

I seriously dare anyone to take me shoe shopping! Can't do flips flops because of the toe thing, tried non toe thing flip flops but the side ran across the navicular bone and hurt. Try different sandals but the strap will hurt, toes too tight, etc. I can't even wear woman's new balance because they're too narrow, and the wide ones are not wide in the right way.

 

The best sneaker I've found are the meshy running types. It stinks big time in winter to have mesh parts on a shoe, but it doesn't hurt.

 

I did find a pair of sandals at goodwill, but they're a little big. I'm going to see if I can get them fixed.

 

I started looking up custom shoes, but found nothing other than crazy $500+ things that looked painful.

 

The surgery available for my feet isn't the wisest option because it tends to leave lasting problems, and will have one non weight bearing for 12ish weeks. I don't have that option. I was non weight bearing for a week when I messed up the posterior tibial tendon, and that was terrible!

 

I want to look a bit better, but need to do it in my sneakers. I do not go for painful beauty, ever!

[Jen in PA]

After reading all 17 pages of this thread I have learned that I am vain, selfish, prideful, foolish with my money, ignore my family, lack self confidence, and don't care about the suffering of others because I take time for myself, care that I wear nice clothes, wear make up and have my hair done. Thank you all for educating me on what a horrible person I am.

Why is it okay to judge a person who puts effort into the way they look, but not people who don't?

 

:grouphug: I consider myself pretty low-maintenance, but reading some of the comments here has me wondering if people are judging me for the bit of trouble I do go to.

[JessReplanted]

I would love to get my hair cut and highlighted every 6 weeks.

We just don't have the money for that.

 

When you look at your clothes and think "wow, I need some new stuff", but you know that there is barely money to cover the groceries for the month, there is not much you can do.

 

And I've checked out "Goodwill" here - it was disgusting.

 

I feel like the OP should try to be more compassionate and less judgmental. :001_huh:

[Soror]

I voted that I think it good to take care of oneself. But that definition is different than others. I have long hair(dh HATES short hair) it gets cut 2x a year, kept it a basic layered(not 80s) style. I wear makeup when going out- but light- light concealer, mascara and tinted lip balm. I try to dress nicely enough, skirts often and plain shirts, I buy them on clearance or Goodwill. I wear comfier skirts at home or jeans.

 

I keep active/exercise but that is done with the kids. I don't do nails or tan- I think both are unhealthy and dh finds both hugely unattractive(the same with lots of makeup and really done up hair). He hates hairspray. I do use mousse sometimes as I have wavy hair and curl it some as well.

 

I don't see how it costs more or takes more time. I think that is often a cop-out. You have to have some clothes, you find nice enough ones used. My fitness time is time spent with the kids. Makeup and hair- if I go all out- is 15 minutes all together. On the subject of time, I find it ironic especially as this is asked on a message board where many women wastes likely hrs of time a week.

[Lady Florida.]

I haven't made it through this whole thread, so if it has moved on to kilts and Swedish vampires I'm going to feel silly for actually discussing the OP.:D

 

I don't think it's vain to spend time on your appearance, but I don't think others should dictate what's right for you. It's important to feel good about yourself and your appearance. Some women feel good about themselves in sweats and pulled back hair. That doesn't mean they don't care about themselves, but neither does it make them better than women who like to wear make up, a current hairstyle, and fashionable clothes.

 

I only wear eye makeup when I truly have to get dressed up. My allergies have gotten worse over the years, and eye makeup only adds to the itchiness (It's also the reason I had to stop wearing contacts). On most days I wear tinted moisturizer, sometimes some blush, and I put on lip gloss when I have to leave the house. Some women would consider that getting all dolled up, while others would think I didn't spend enough time on my appearance. I have a short wash and go hairstyle (shorter than in my avatar), but I can add product and blow it dry to make it look more stylish.

 

As far as what others think about me, well that depends on who those "others" are. I don't care about what total strangers in Walmart think, but I do care when I go to one of the occasional outings that dh's company gives. I also try to look decent when I go to homeschool group activities, especially if there might be new members there. I run an umbrella school, and I feel like if I look sloppy one might think my record keeping is sloppy and choose not to enroll their kids for that reason. Whether or not that's true doesn't matter, because whether we like it or not, people judge us by our appearances. We have to determine when that judgement matters to us and when it doesn't.

 

 

It's fun to get dressed up sometimes. :) It's not the whole of life, but it's a bunch of fun to smell sweet and feel good.

 

So true! While I do try to take the time to look presentable, I rarely get dressed up. When my stepson got married in Jan. 2010, he didn't invite his mother, so I was in the spotlight as mother of the groom. Shopping for clothes for that whole weekend was much more fun than I expected it to be. And I had forgotten how nice it feels to be dressed up and accessorized.

[kalanamak]

Not personally, unless you want to.

 

Rosie

 

A-yup. You can become quite enamored with discovering "another point of view" (i.e things that never crossed your mind) here.

 

It is also nice to have opinions, even strong ones, not assumed to be selfish, ill-informed, or wrong just because they are minority opinions.

[mommaduck]

I voted that I think it good to take care of oneself. But that definition is different than others. I have long hair(dh HATES short hair) it gets cut 2x a year, kept it a basic layered(not 80s) style. I wear makeup when going out- but light- light concealer, mascara and tinted lip balm. I try to dress nicely enough, skirts often and plain shirts, I buy them on clearance or Goodwill. I wear comfier skirts at home or jeans.

 

I keep active/exercise but that is done with the kids. I don't do nails or tan- I think both are unhealthy and dh finds both hugely unattractive(the same with lots of makeup and really done up hair). He hates hairspray. I do use mousse sometimes as I have wavy hair and curl it some as well.

 

I don't see how it costs more or takes more time. I think that is often a cop-out. You have to have some clothes, you find nice enough ones used. My fitness time is time spent with the kids. Makeup and hair- if I go all out- is 15 minutes all together. On the subject of time, I find it ironic especially as this is asked on a message board where many women wastes likely hrs of time a week.

 

Some of us were pointing to other people in our lives that we know. On the subject of time: SOME people ARE limited in their time. Some work, work more than one job, etc. Some people don't feel like wasting 15min on makeup just to play with their kids and scrub the bathroom floor. Then you have all the other factors that have been listed in this thread.

[HSmomNY]

Why?

Because I don't have time, money or energy for it.

I ware the clothes I have, I don't have the time or money to go shopping for new clothes.

I don't ware makeup again because of both time and money.

My hair style was chosen for utility in the hospital not for esthetics.

Note: I am dealing with a lot right now, Chemo, caring a parent with dementia, setting up services for a SN child..and so on.

Sorry if my lack of attention to my appearance bothers you, but I don't have the extra energy to care.:confused:

[CarenM]

As a person who is very happy without paint on my face and my hair stylish I find the question from the OP to be judgemental.

 

Not every one cares, we are not out to impress anyone. Do I want to spend $50 on make up ( cause it's not cheap to buy lipstick, foundation, mascara, eye liner, eye shadow and everything one one may need). I can't buy all that for $10. If I have to spend $50 to impress others or to make myself feel good I find that to be not a wise investment.

 

I am very happy to be ion a ponytail, t-shirt, shorts and flip flops. Actually everyone else around here is very happy to be that way, ok, not everyone else but when I go to the grocery store I see more who are more like me rather than more who wear make up, nice clothes etc.

 

It's a very laid back , casual atmosphere here in west TX and we are very happy to be who we are. Natural.

 

To ask why we don't care ....well. yes, that seems you are judging us.

 

We don't ask you why you feel the need to do what you do in this regard.

[hsmom]

In the last thread, some were talking about being low maintenance about their appearance. This is different than not putting virtually any effort forth.

 

What I mean is wearing unflattering clothes, an unflattering hair cut, and for some, not wearing any make up. (While some women look great without make up, some looked washed out and tired without it.)

 

I don't think money is the cause. Even if one shops at Goodwill, nicer fitting clothing is the same price as old, baggy sweat pants. Mascara and blush at Target would cost $10 every six months.

 

I also don't think weight is an issue as people of all sizes look attractive when they make an effort.

 

An updated haircut costs as much as an outdated one.

 

I ask this question because I often see a woman wearing baggy sweats and an old, ill-fitting tee shirt, and I wonder why she doesn't take a bit more effort for herself. It takes one afternoon of shopping and 15-20 minutes of extra time in the morning. It's difficult to believe most people can't spare that small amount of time.

 

My dd works with a woman in her 50s. She wears jeans and different colored Gap tee shirts. She pairs them with different scarves and always looks great. Simple, decent quality, inexpensive.

 

Again, I'm not talking about people that favor a low-maintenance look. That's intentional and attractive, too. I'm wondering about those who do not take any time with their clothing, hair, or skin.

 

I did not read the all the replies.

 

Now I often wonder this also. Now people probably wonder this about me at times. I am one who wears capris and tank tops all summer long. Or jeans and a tshirt or sweat shirt in the winter. I do always have nice shoes (well nice to me) I always have my hair pulled back in a pony tail. Usually no make up. BUT I am clean and even though sometimes my shirts end up with stuff on them or have a stain.

 

 

Everyone I know who is the huge sweatpants, oversized t shirts are honestly too lazy to wear anything else. My dear friend who does this will tell you she doesn't care and is just too lazy to do anymore. It is easier for her to throw on this with a pair of crocs, maybe brush her hair before is gets thrown up. She never wears makeup, she tells me it is a waste of time. Now you see this in her home also. It looks the same way she does. Does it effect the way I think about her? No. Do I want to be like that? No.

[Stacy in NJ]

Vanity is an excessive interest in your personal appearance. And, while there are certainly folks who are vain, getting a decent hair cut, taking care of your skin and body, and dressing somewhat stylishly as the OP suggested isn't vanity.

 

Vanity can also be expressed as moral vanity - a belief that someone is morally superior - and takes excessive pride in that morality.

 

Some of us don't count vanity as something to value. I can't believe how much time and money people spend on their appearances when they could be donating that time and money to much more important matters than their clothing, hair, and skin.

[8circles]

You know, there are people who take the time to "take care of themselves" who are vain. There are people who aren't.

 

There are people who don't "take care of themselves" who are vain. There are people who aren't.

 

It isn't a simple equation of using makeup = vain. Nor is it not using makeup = has the heart of mother Teresa.

 

As a PP said, the ability to "take care of oneself" as described in the OP is a luxury. What bothers me most about the OP's sentiment is the seeming ignorance of this. One should, IMO, be a little more aware of what fortune one has & give grace to those among us who don't.

 

I'm not trying to sound rude or holier-than-thou because I'm not. I've just been interrupted 5 times while trying to type this & its the best I can do right now. Can you believe the kids actually wanted breakfast? :tongue_smilie:

[Soror]

Some of us were pointing to other people in our lives that we know. On the subject of time: SOME people ARE limited in their time. Some work, work more than one job, etc. Some people don't feel like wasting 15min on makeup just to play with their kids and scrub the bathroom floor. Then you have all the other factors that have been listed in this thread.

 

I guess some people might not have the time, literally, but I suspect that is very few. Even of those that don't waste time on the internet, facebook etc is huge these days. I think the avg person watches at least a couple of hrs of tv a night as well.

 

We all have to get dressed, to put on someting decent(which varies) takes no more time. I don't think you have to wear makeup to play with kids. To just put on makeup takes me less than 5 minutes, usually that is done on the way to church as dh drives :) But I don't consider makeup and fancy hair a integral part of looking nice. In my circle though only half of my friends wear makeup at all.

[lmrich]

I did not read the whole thread.

 

I have a neighbor who would fall into this category of not taking care of herself. She wore ragged clothing, kept her beautiful curly hair a mess, etc...

It turns that her husband had been cheating on her for the last 17 years. She had no self esteem, felt no point in being noticed, didn't feel pretty, didn't feel she was worth it. Now she is divorced and I have noticed that she smiles more often, and she has a beautiful smile. She told me she got her teeth whitened, and that was the first thing she had done for herself in years.

 

I truly think beauty comes from in. We can trick ourselves that if we look beautiful on the outside we can start to feel more beautiful on the inside. But I think we need to take care of our emotional health first or we would never even feel that we are worth the extra time it takes to fix our hair or put together an outfit.

 

We need to be sensitive to others.

I think there could be a valid reason women and men don't take care of themselves beyond vanity.

[Violet Crown]

Yep.

 

I'm pretty sure my hair is a haystack and I look pretty washed out without makeup. But, whenever I try to wear makeup I feel ridiculous. Truly. I don't know how gals who live in humidity can stand having anything on their skin/face. My hair, well, I have given up. If I had any sense, I'd just shave it all off.

:iagree:

This, and Pamela's comment.

 

Some of us (okay, me) never learned in high school or college how to buy or apply makeup in a tasteful way. We never developed an eye for fashion. There are areas in life where I have a keen eye and a developed taste or radar, and I am vain enough to be pleased when people ask me for advice in these areas as a result. Believe me, were I to make the attempt to "put effort in my appearance," nobody would be asking me for makeup or fashion advice!

 

It takes me 5-10 minutes to do certain things that would take others a week of research and agonizing indecision to do, and I would do it better. Those of you who can pull yourselves together aesthetically in 5-10 minutes a day: may God bless you, and a little part of me does envy you. But there's no point in looking at me and saying "Why doesn't she just go do the same thing?" If you're thinking that, you're underestimating the self-training you've done through your life that enables you to do "effort into appearance" quickly and well.

[mommaduck]

I guess some people might not have the time, literally, but I suspect that is very few. Even of those that don't waste time on the internet, facebook etc is huge these days. I think the avg person watches at least a couple of hrs of tv a night as well.

 

We all have to get dressed, to put on someting decent(which varies) takes no more time. I don't think you have to wear makeup to play with kids. To just put on makeup takes me less than 5 minutes, usually that is done on the way to church as dh drives :) But I don't consider makeup and fancy hair a integral part of looking nice. In my circle though only half of my friends wear makeup at all.

 

At one time, I had a bunch of littles, no tv, no computer and I sewed our own clothes, canned our own vegetables, mowed a huge amount of grass, cooked meals, did my laundry in a wringer washer, hung out my wash, potty trained one kid, breastfed another (I even butchered a rooster and a turkey). I literally did not have time. Later, when I started wearing makeup again, yes, it often got done in the car or van (I've also lived in a community where it was forbidden...I've also gone without it because of courtesy towards the culture around me).

 

My mother literally did not know how to put on makeup. She always looked "made up" when she did (or maybe that was because we were used to her without it). When I was in highschool, she asked for my help putting it on for a special event. She did, however, spend 20min curling her granny curls (she had them in her 30's and 40's!). She did try to dress nice, but was never fashionable. She's a horse woman. She doesn't care for girly things. She only wore dress pants to the office because she had to. It was jeans at home. Never shorts, never sweats, never leggings. She was clean, but people used to wonder why she never got stylish clothes or wore makeup or had pierced ears or dyed her hair (graying early is genetic). To them, she wasn't "taking care of herself", when in actuality she was. My mama wore cowboy boots, then combat boots, then hushpuppies, and back to cowboy boots. Makeup (even 3min put on) isn't the be all, end all of "taking care of oneself".

Edited August 12, 2011 by mommaduck

[Mrs Mungo]

Some of us (okay, me) never learned in high school or college how to buy or apply makeup in a tasteful way. We never developed an eye for fashion. There are areas in life where I have a keen eye and a developed taste or radar, and I am vain enough to be pleased when people ask me for advice in these areas as a result. Believe me, were I to make the attempt to "put effort in my appearance," nobody would be asking me for makeup or fashion advice!

 

There are tons of great "5 minute face" videos from Sephora on youtube. You can go and buy the same products that they use in the videos. Sephora can also do a makeover and recommendations for you in the store. I only mention it in case you are interested in learning, not to apply pressure.

[The Girls' Mom]

1. I absolutly HATE wearing makeup. Every single photo taken of me without it looks a ton better than any photo with it. My skin is also super sensitive to it, and my acne flares up much worse when I wear it. I'm also prone to styes if I wear eye makeup. Completely not worth it. I've also realized that since people are used to seeing me without it, I don't appear washed out or tired. Only the ones that wear it all the time seem "off" when they don't wear it. My dh also could care less. AND he won't kiss me when I have lipstick on since he hates the feel of it.

 

2. My hair is a hard to manage mess. I'm finally getting to the point that I can do a little something with it. In previous years I have spent a horrid amound of money just trying to get it to look ok. Age, gray hair, and not frying my hair has actually done wonders for it. (The gray has a better texture than the non-gray) It really is MUCH easier for me to throw my hair back in a clip or pony tail. Anything else just turns into a giant frizz ball within an hour or two.

 

3. I agree about the clothes, although I don't always practice it. I feel better when I'm in "real clothes" vs. my sloppy clothes. I don't spend much money on them either. I have a few pairs of jeans and an array of nicer t-shirts. I also have some skirts that go with several things. Thats about it.

 

There are just some days/weeks that I am just too darn tired or busy to care. After the trials my dh and I have been through, I'm secure in the knowledge that he will love me and be there for me even if I look like the frumpiest, most poorly dressed mom on the planet.

Edited August 12, 2011 by Apryl H

[Violet Crown]

There are tons of great "5 minute face" videos from Sephora on youtube. You can go and buy the same products that they use in the videos. Sephora can also do a makeover and recommendations for you in the store. I only mention it in case you are interested in learning, not to apply pressure.

First I would need the $ and time for the therapy to overcome the high-school-based anxieties from Not Being Among the Popular Girls. ;)

 

No, seriously, thanks. I'm actually trying to improve myself in several areas of my life. Just this summer I went from a feeble breaststroke that barely keeps me above water to a pretty good front crawl that gets me multiple laps, just by getting past the humiliation of being three times the age of my swim instructor. Next is math mastery through calculus. I must consider adding makeup/style to the list. Do I have to wear it in the continual 100+ degree weather, though?

[Mrs Mungo]

First I would need the $ and time for the therapy to overcome the high-school-based anxieties from Not Being Among the Popular Girls. ;)

 

No, seriously, thanks. I'm actually trying to improve myself in several areas of my life. Just this summer I went from a feeble breaststroke that barely keeps me above water to a pretty good front crawl that gets me multiple laps, just by getting past the humiliation of being three times the age of my swim instructor. Next is math mastery through calculus. I must consider adding makeup/style to the list. Do I have to wear it in the continual 100+ degree weather, though?

 

I was never among the popular crowd. I was in band and on the newspaper staff. :)

 

I keep it to a minimum in the heat: sunscreen, powder, blush, mascara.

[Soror]

At one time, I had a bunch of littles, no tv, no computer and I sewed our own clothes, canned our own vegetables, mowed a huge amount of grass, cooked meals, did my laundry in a wringer washer, hung out my wash, potty trained one kid, breastfed another (I even butchered a rooster and a turkey). I literally did not have time. Later, when I started wearing makeup again, yes, it often got done in the car or van (I've also lived in a community where it was forbidden...I've also gone without it because of courtesy towards the culture around me).

I didn't even suggest that everyone does have time but really that is a rarity. The vast majority of people have cellphones, internet, and cable tv. The vast majority do have some time, as I said to get dressed neatly vs frumpy takes no more time. Of course I'm sure that plenty would see me as frumpy but that is all a matter of perspective. As to what other people do, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. But I think it is a nice gesture to my husband and putting a little thought into how I look(picking out clothes that are flattering- again yardsales, clearance or Goodwill here). I can buy discount clothes here for far cheaper than I could make them.

 

Makeup is not a big thing to me though. As I said it is less than 5 min, totally fix my hair is maybe 10 minutes- to comb and curl it a bit- I am not into high maintanence hairstyles. I never dye my hair at all(dh prefers natural although I have no grey). I don't do pedicures or manicures.

 

 

I don't it takes much time, energy or thought into looking decent but definition of decent is not what others is in my circle anyway, we are the simple crunchy type- although we do shave :)

[LidiyaDawn]

Why do people care about this 'appearance' stuff so much? [as evidenced by 20+ page threads]

 

Just do your thing - whatever that may be - and let others do theirs. :cheers2:

[mommaduck]

I didn't even suggest that everyone does have time but really that is a rarity. The vast majority of people have cellphones, internet, and cable tv. The vast majority do have some time, as I said to get dressed neatly vs frumpy takes no more time. Of course I'm sure that plenty would see me as frumpy but that is all a matter of perspective. As to what other people do, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. But I think it is a nice gesture to my husband and putting a little thought into how I look(picking out clothes that are flattering- again yardsales, clearance or Goodwill here). I can buy discount clothes here for far cheaper than I could make them.

 

Makeup is not a big thing to me though. As I said it is less than 5 min, totally fix my hair is maybe 10 minutes- to comb and curl it a bit- I am not into high maintanence hairstyles. I never dye my hair at all(dh prefers natural although I have no grey). I don't do pedicures or manicures.

 

 

I don't it takes much time, energy or thought into looking decent but definition of decent is not what others is in my circle anyway, we are the simple crunchy type- although we do shave :)

 

Yeah, and the clothes I wore at that time were considered neat and clean for that community, but were considered frumpy by outsiders.

 

Yes, the majority NOW. But many women have been judged this way for decades.

[mommaduck]

Why do people care about this 'appearance' stuff so much? [as evidenced by 20+ page threads]

 

Just do your thing - whatever that may be - and let others do theirs. :cheers2:

 

:iagree:

[Wheres Toto]

First I would need the $ and time for the therapy to overcome the high-school-based anxieties from Not Being Among the Popular Girls. ;)

 

 

 

Oh wow, does this speak to me. I'm 42 years old and I still feel like if I fix my make-up in a public restroom someone is going to ask me why I'm bothering because nothing is going to help. :tongue_smilie: I feel like a total fraud.

 

I never really learned how to do my hair or make-up in the latest styles and I was extremely shy and quiet in school. I still remember one of the popular girls showing me the correct way to put combs in my hair in 3rd or 4th grade and how much I appreciated it.

 

I will wear make-up when we go out and I have finally figured out that simple is best with my hair but it's hard to let go of those "not good enough" feelings.