Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 did you open them or did your mother open them all while you were on your honeymoon? I know this is a very silly question, but I have wondered about this for almost 15 years. I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. I didn't understand at the time why everyone had to be involved, and why the presents couldn't sit there for a week until we got back. Some of the cards were from DH and my friends and they had written embarassing/private things. Nothing was kept private. I am positive our friends thought these cards were for our eyes only and never would have written some of the things they did, had they known. I didn't know I had to specifically ask her to not open everything or I would have. Is this a "normal tradition" for the bride and groom to not open their own presents? What was your experience with this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. We opened our gifts before we left for our honeymoon, or maybe when we got back. I can't quite remember because it was a long time ago. My parents, MIL and siblings were present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened our own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I've never heard of anyone opening presents for the bride and groom while they were on their honeymoon. I don't get that. I've seen mothers help the bride open them (in movies), and in together, not helping while they are gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened all the presents after the wedding with family members in attendance. No one opened them for us. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 did you open them or did your mother open them all while you were on your honeymoon? I know this is a very silly question, but I have wondered about this for almost 15 years. I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. I didn't understand at the time why everyone had to be involved, and why the presents couldn't sit there for a week until we got back. Some of the cards were from DH and my friends and they had written embarassing/private things. Nothing was kept private. I am positive our friends thought these cards were for our eyes only and never would have written some of the things they did, had they known. I didn't know I had to specifically ask her to not open everything or I would have. Is this a "normal tradition" for the bride and groom to not open their own presents? What was your experience with this? We opened gifts according to dh's family tradition. Its sort of an after party with just his still-at-home-sibs, parents, and grand parents. We sit and open and the family ooohs and ahhhss and laughs with us. It was fun. We opened all the cards in private while we were on our honeymoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krista in LA Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I would have been very disappointed if that happened to us - I love opening presents! What we did is invite our parents and closer relatives over the next morning and opened the gifts then. Obviously that wouldn't work if you were leaving immediately for a honeymoon, but we weren't leaving for a few days so it was fun to get together and do that the day after the wedding when we were all relaxed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No, we opened out own after our honeymoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I have never heard of such a thing. I don't even open my young children's mail....mail and presents are for the people they were bought for, not the relatives! That is wayyyyyyyy over the boundary lines! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 What?! That must have been such a downer. I've never heard of any such thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We asked for no gifts (got married late and already had two households worth of stuff), but we still got cards and a few small gifts. We didn't actually have a honeymoon, either as we eloped in Vegas, then were guilted into having a reception back home. I would have been very peeved if someone had opened our cards and gifts, though, if I had had a traditional type wedding. I've never heard of any such thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinannie Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That is similar to my mom reading my entire diary after I went to college and then telling EVERYONE everything that was in there. I can't believe they opened your gifts. That was not normal or nice! We went to a cabin for a couple of days and then DH had to work for a week before we left for our honeymoon. We opened our gifts after we got back from the cabin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Oh, that is terrible!! :eek: No, we opened our own gifts and cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 did you open them or did your mother open them all while you were on your honeymoon? I know this is a very silly question, but I have wondered about this for almost 15 years. I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. I didn't understand at the time why everyone had to be involved, and why the presents couldn't sit there for a week until we got back. Some of the cards were from DH and my friends and they had written embarassing/private things. Nothing was kept private. I am positive our friends thought these cards were for our eyes only and never would have written some of the things they did, had they known. I didn't know I had to specifically ask her to not open everything or I would have. Is this a "normal tradition" for the bride and groom to not open their own presents? What was your experience with this? Wow! Not normal in my world. I've never heard of that. Seems very controlling and thoughtless. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 I am SHOCKED at the number of responses already, :lol:! I was half expecting to be chastised and told I was ignorant of tradition! I appreciate any more thoughts anyone has, I love finding out I am not crazy after all...but truly, if anyone thinks it is normal to open wedding presents for the bride and groom when they aren't there and without asking them, please pipe in too! I was so disappointed when this happened. I haven't been "holding on to it" for years or anything, it's just come back to me with all the other stuff I am going through. This group is great for getting answers to life's burning questions ;)!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I think opening someone else's gifts is very inappropriate. Dh and I opened ours as we received them before the wedding. We didn't really get gifts AT the wedding. Most all were given before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Is this a "normal tradition" for the bride and groom to not open their own presents? What was your experience with this? We opened all of ours when we got back. In fact I had given a key to our apartment to a friend and she delivered all the gifts to our place and decorated for our return and everything! BUT, my mom says her sister opened all her gifts, wrote a nice list of who gave what so all mom had to do was write the thank you notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreistetter Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Never heard of that. We opened ours with family & friends the day after our wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Wow! Not normal in my world. I've never heard of that. Seems very controlling and thoughtless. :( Thoughtless is the perfect word for it. After all these years, it's not important, but you definitely aren't crazy for not understanding it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 BUT, my mom says her sister opened all her gifts, wrote a nice list of who gave what so all mom had to do was write the thank you notes. Do you know if your mom and her sister made some sort of arrangement beforehand? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :blink: I'm shocked and horrified on your behalf. I cannot imagine that going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. I didn't understand at the time why everyone had to be involved, and why the presents couldn't sit there for a week until we got back. Some of the cards were from DH and my friends and they had written embarassing/private things. Nothing was kept private. I am positive our friends thought these cards were for our eyes only and never would have written some of the things they did, had they known. I didn't know I had to specifically ask her to not open everything or I would have. :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: That is CRAZY!!! I would have been so upset! What I find really shocking is that all those other women participated. They all thought that was a good idea??? Wow.:svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Wow, I would have been really upset about that -- I'm sorry! No, I don't think it's typical. My ILs held on to all of the gifts while we were on our honeymoon, and when we got back, they invited my parents over, and DH and I opened the gifts with everyone, showed pictures of our honeymoon, etc. It was fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All4one Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 How disappointing! My parents took all our wedding presents to their house and kept them until we came back from our honeymoon. We opened them together but we read the cards ourselves, and only shared the cards that were from my parents' friends. How were they during the planning of your wedding? Were they acting like it was their wedding or yours? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'd be furious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessa516 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 My EX-MIL did this. And piled all the cards together. I had a he11 of a time trying to figure out what card went with what gift. :glare: I was not happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Thoughtless is the perfect word for it. After all these years, it's not important, but you definitely aren't crazy for not understanding it!!! This is part of a healing process for me, recognizing and accepting that there are huge issues in this relationship. I had this idea that things got bad in the relationship very suddenly, but the deeper I dig, the more I realize that I have been turning a blind eye to things my whole life. It's very bizarre how suddenly one day you can start to see something that was always there. When I expressed my disappointment over this particular incident at the time, I was told that I was overly sensitive, selfish for not wanting to "share" my presents(which was not the issue AT ALL), and that it was a normal tradition for the mother of the bride to open all the presents while the bride was on her honeymoon. Which would have been somewhat less of an issue than EVERYONE opening everything and making sure to tell everyone about the private stuff. So, I backed right off like I always do, and thought that I was selfish and overly sensitive....and I endured the teasing for years afterwards. This wasn't an isolated incident. If this was just one mistake that someone made, it would be one thing. But unfortunately this is a pattern of behavior I am just starting to see. This has been very helpful to me! Hundreds of dollars of therapy saved right here :lol:!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That's weird. I've never ever heard of anyone doing that. Weird. :grouphug::grouphug:I am so sorry that you were made to believe that you were the insensitive one. What a horrible feeling. You deserved an apology, not a reprimand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: That is CRAZY!!! I would have been so upset! What I find really shocking is that all those other women participated. They all thought that was a good idea??? Wow.:svengo: I keep coming back to this, which didn't occur to me originally in my horror that anyone would deprive another of their joy in opening gifts and privacy also. We opened our presents together with family after the reception and before leaving for the hotel where we spent the night before flying out the next day. My sister who was my maid of honor, went later that day to deposit the checks in my account where we could access them if we needed to (I had a debit card, dh did not!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learningmama Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened them when we got back from the honeymoon. We opened cards the night after the wedding. I don't even like the idea of having family/friends present to watch you open all the presents. Not my cup of tea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I have NEVER heard of such a thing!!!! o.O We opened ours when we returned. I know for a fact my family wouldn't have even DREAMED of opening our gifts!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That is the craziest thing I have EVER heard of and I would be fuming mad. That was your personal property and no one should have touched it without your permission. I would feel violated. Thats just....ridiculous. My jaw is on the floor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 One more thing to add to my list of "THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR!" My sisters were only 16 and 18 when I got married, and they couldn't stand up to my mother. My grandmother is just like her. I assume my MIL thought my mother and I had prearranged it. My wedding was awful. My parents were paying for it, and I had to do exactly what my mother wanted. I thought this was reasonable at the time, they were paying so I thought my mother had the right to have fits about things. My parents didn't have much money, and it was an inexpensive wedding. Which was fine with me, but I wanted a very small wedding and I wasn't "allowed" to have that, 175 people came to it. I also didn't want to have it in our church, I wanted it somewhere smaller, maybe even the beach, and I wasn't "allowed" to do that either. I wanted to pick my dress so I told my mother I would pay for it, and she was NOT happy. My dress was a very unexciting normal wedding dress, but she made a point to tell me it was ugly. And I knew she was being unreasonable, but somehow I just thought she was upset I was getting married. Now I see that there is always some excuse for her behavior. And at the time I thought my wedding didn't matter, and that's true. It's not a big deal....BUT if I had stood up to her 15 years ago instead of sticking my head in the sand, I would have saved myself and DH a lot of grief. Better late than never I guess....:lol: You guys have no idea how much you have liberated me! I needed to hear this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 That is the craziest thing I have EVER heard of and I would be fuming mad. That was your personal property and no one should have touched it without your permission. I would feel violated. Thats just....ridiculous. My jaw is on the floor Thank you, thank you for all the comments! You have no idea how much my self-esteem-o-meter is going up today....I think it's almost at normal levels now :lol::lol::lol:!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edithcrawley Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened ours right after we got back to our apartment after the wedding so we could make a list of who gave what so we could complete the thank you notes on the flight to the honeymoon. It would have been awkward to have either of our families open our gifts without us present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened them before we left for the honeymoon - our flight didn't leave until late afternoon, so we had brunch at my parent's house. If we didn't have time, I would have been miffed if someone opened them all on me. I think it is rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Thank you, thank you for all the comments! You have no idea how much my self-esteem-o-meter is going up today....I think it's almost at normal levels now :lol::lol::lol:!!! Truth be told...i only had an actual wedding ceremony and reception for gifts :lol::lol::lol: I wanted a quickie wedding in jeans, my family begged for a "real" wedding so I gave it to them and reaped the benefits....after that long day in a stupid dress I would have killed someone if they touched those gifts. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened ours. And my sister opened hers. Really, she did.:tongue_smilie: But those presents stared at Mom and me all week while she was gone. We peeked into every present that we could without distrubing the wrapping. If that story ruffles your feathers, Sis didn't mind and we knew she wouldn't. We didn't tell her what was in them and had fun watching her open them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Truth be told...i only had an actual wedding ceremony and reception for gifts :lol::lol::lol: I wanted a quickie wedding in jeans, my family begged for a "real" wedding so I gave it to them and reaped the benefits....after that long day in a stupid dress I would have killed someone if they touched those gifts. ;) :lol::lol::lol:Oh, I am going to DIE laughing! I can so relate! I had to endure this stupid ceremony to make you happy, and you DON'T EVEN LET ME OPEN THE PRESENTS????? :lol: And again, it all doesn't really matter now, but it's important for me to identify if this really is crazy or not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 did you open them or did your mother open them all while you were on your honeymoon? I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. ? wow. "out of line" doesn't even *begin* to cover your mother's actions. the rest of your family was also out-of-line for even going and supporting her. any cash or checks go missing? but then, how would you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 My mother actually held onto some gifts that we got while on our honeymoon. We opened them with her when she brought them to us (which made up for how hard it was for her not to peek :lol:) I have never heard of such a tradition, even in all the researching I did for our wedding. I'm so sorry you were made to feel that you were the one in the wrong. It was wrong of them to go through someone else's property.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 We opened ours. And my sister opened hers. Really, she did.:tongue_smilie: But those presents stared at Mom and me all week while she was gone. We peeked into every present that we could without distrubing the wrapping. If that story ruffles your feathers, Sis didn't mind and we knew she wouldn't. We didn't tell her what was in them and had fun watching her open them. Really? You have self-control and didn't make up a tradition that doesn't exist? :lol: Actually, with my mother it was obviously a controling ME thing...but it took me this long to figure that out. I would like to be able to report that my mother or her parents immigrated from another country and this was a tradition there, but my family has lived in the same state even for generations...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Do you know if your mom and her sister made some sort of arrangement beforehand? I don't think they did. Mom was "away" and sister was at home where all the gifts were delivered. But I mom did consider it the "done thing" and she expected to do it for me. I said thanks but no thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 any cash or checks go missing? but then, how would you know? :lol: Not that I know of, but you have a point! She did make sure to tell me which things she wanted though....:confused: I still can't believe NO ONE thinks this is normal????? Not one dissenter in the bunch? Wow, and I've never started such a hot thread before :lol:! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 And piled all the cards together. I had a he11 of a time trying to figure out what card went with what gift. :glare: I was not happy. While my family didn't open the gifts, they DID put all the cards together to be "helpful". :confused: There ended up being two gifts that I couldn't figure out for the life of me who (whom?) they were from and I've always felt badly about that. Thanks, family. :glare: and NO! it is NOT NORMAL to open all the gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 I don't think they did. Mom was "away" and sister was at home where all the gifts were delivered. But I mom did consider it the "done thing" and she expected to do it for me. I said thanks but no thanks. I had no idea, or I would have said "no thanks" too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 did you open them or did your mother open them all while you were on your honeymoon? I know this is a very silly question, but I have wondered about this for almost 15 years. I was shocked when I got back from my honeymoon and my mother had opened all my wedding presents. She invited my sisters, my SIL, my grandmother and my MIL over and they all opened every single present and card. I didn't understand at the time why everyone had to be involved, and why the presents couldn't sit there for a week until we got back. Some of the cards were from DH and my friends and they had written embarassing/private things. Nothing was kept private. I am positive our friends thought these cards were for our eyes only and never would have written some of the things they did, had they known. I didn't know I had to specifically ask her to not open everything or I would have. Is this a "normal tradition" for the bride and groom to not open their own presents? What was your experience with this? WOW! Weird, rude, and unethical. I've never heard of anyone doing that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Weird, rude, unacceptable, and boundary-less. I cannot emphasize enough how totally inappropriate that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Same thing happened to my Mom only it was on her wedding day. MIL rounded up the kiddoes who were at the wedding and had them open the gifts. There just are no words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllBoys Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Outrageous. My son and daughter-in-law had most of their gifts delivered to our home because we live closer to them than her family does and they didn't want gifts sitting at their door while they were at out of town at the wedding and honeymoon. I can tell you it never would have occurred to me in a million years to open one. Who does that? And why would you tell someone which of their gifts you want? You are a very patient woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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