tntgoodwin Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 ...do you prefer them to coddle and reassure you, being supportive of you or tell you how they really feel about the situation, even if you disagree with it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I hate people who beat around the bush, but I also expect people to respond in a mannerly polite way. So I don't mind getting hit over the head with a bat, but can we make it a plastic one instead of a wooden one. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It depends on the situation. Sometimes I tell somebody something for some sympathy and coddling. Sometimes I tell somebody something because I want advice or direction or perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It depends on the situation. Sometimes I tell somebody something for some sympathy and coddling. Sometimes I tell somebody something because I want advice or direction or perspective. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 There has to be a middle ground. I don't need to be coddled, but I do appreciate a little compassion and sensitivity. I hate discord so, if one has to disagree with me, all I ask is that one does so in a respectful manner. Sometimes I just need support and a sounding board, not a fixer, not a devil's advocate, but just a listener. If I am wrong, I often come to that conclusion myself. Now that I think about it ... I hate the word "coddling." Many people use it in a prejorative manner when talking about sensitivity and caring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Well...I know how my friends will react most of the the time. Some can't be blunt to save their life, others can't sugarcoat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 How about "Give it to me straight with a little sugar?" The truth couched in kindness is never a bad thing. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I voted other. You can be honest and forthright and show kindness and sensitivity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It depends on the situation. Sometimes I tell somebody something for some sympathy and coddling. Sometimes I tell somebody something because I want advice or direction or perspective. I agree, but I also agree with this: Well...I know how my friends will react most of the the time.Some can't be blunt to save their life, others can't sugarcoat. I know who to call when I need one or the other. I voted other. You can be honest and forthright and show kindness and sensitivity. I think this is true, but I think this is a lot easier in person versus over the internet. Body language counts for a lot in these situations. Also, it is different the first time versus the fifth or twentieth, people start to lost what patience they possessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaceman Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 The question for the poll leads with "When you tell...", not ask, not solve. So if I'm telling, I will likely want a listener. Occasionally, it may be good for someone to interject some information that I haven't asked for and is unsettling. I welcome that, as long as it's once and respectfully given. I also like the comparison of the plastic bat versus the wooden bat... I'd prefer a plastic bat, but for those people who just don't have them...a wooden bat is preferable to no bat at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) I believe tact is important, but honesty trumps that. I tend to be sensitive, but I prefer the blunt version so I can go lick my wounds and get on with life. I still have a few issues from my past where I don't believe the honest truth was shared. It hurts to think I wasted my time with an endeavor where people were afraid to be honest with me. If I'm telling I attempt to use tact and honesty, depending on the situation. Perhaps a rubber mallet instead of a framing hammer. Edited August 4, 2011 by elegantlion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Can you give it to me straight, but coated with sugar to make the pill go down sweeter? I guess I am a "have my cake and eat it too" kind of person! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I want to be understood first. Then, once understanding has been demonstrated, tell it to me straight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I voted "other" since I think the two choices are a bit awkward in their wording. The first one would make most women fell like they were the wuss of the world for voting for it and the other choice sounds well, rather, manly. How about, "Be straight-forward with me and do so with courtesy and a certain level of sensitivity." If I have just had a fight with my husband and you know it, it is NOT the time to tell me that my backside is wide, no matter what the level of truth is. If the "truth" serves no other purpose than to make you (the deliverer) feel better, than don't bother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I said "tell it to me straight" but the reality is that sometimes I need to be reassured - not because I'm hypersensitive but because my feet have been kicked out from under me and I need to get on my own two feet before dealing with the harsher realities of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjselmk Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I prefer polite honesty. I want the straight truth if I ask for an opinion, otherwise I might just need to let off steam a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 There has to be a middle ground. I don't need to be coddled, but I do appreciate a little compassion and sensitivity. I hate discord so, if one has to disagree with me, all I ask is that one does so in a respectful manner. Sometimes I just need support and a sounding board, not a fixer, not a devil's advocate, but just a listener. If I am wrong, I often come to that conclusion myself. Now that I think about it ... I hate the word "coddling." Many people use it in a prejorative manner when talking about sensitivity and caring. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 ...do you prefer them to coddle and reassure you, being supportive of you ortell you how they really feel about the situation, even if you disagree with it? I said "other". I don't want coddling and reassurance. I don't mind sympathy. Unless I know them well, and they have some sense, I don't want a bunch of flak, either. Too many times people have overstepped the bounds of manners to spout their opinion. I loathe people like that. However, people whom I am sure of their underlying affection for me, people with whom I have "a rapport" with, they can speak their minds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I think that gentle telling the truth, is best. But, not trying to just agree with everything. I had a friend who stopped being friends with me, because I am fine with "the other side" being discussed, and she preferred things to always smell sweet. She had no backbone, and was fine with that. Funny... she FB me the other day. No thanks!! She had previously said I sent her to the ER with a panic attack. hmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Other. I am sensitive. But I don't mind being disagreed with. A little coating of tact and sensitivity is always welcome. Honestly, I think the wording is quite loaded. It's possible to be supportive without coddling. It's possible for an individual to be sensitive and still handle disagreement. It's also possible to be too blunt, or to be straightforward in situations that call for empathy and kindness in addition to honesty. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I said other. Usually I prefer to hear the absolute truth from my friends and family. Yet... These past few weeks I've been dealing with some grief issues regarding the loss of my mom 6 months ago. I have been angry and frustrated about some things, and my family has been very kind and understanding as I work through my feelings. As I've come to some positive conclusions this week, they have smiled, nodded and just hugged and loved me. They understood that beating me over the head with particular facts would not be beneficial. I am so grateful that they have given me this space to grieve and to resolve some things for myself without judgement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 This honestly varies depending on the circumstances and my mood... In principle, I want to know what people really think. In practice, I may not want their honest opinion *right then.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Give it to me straight. This doesn't mean I'm ok with name calling or personal attacks. But, you can tell me your opinion about me/ my actions/ my thoughts using critical language. I'm not the type to cry, affect a snotty attitude, and hold a grudge for weeks. I have feelings, and I can be hurt. However, I tend to try to avoid letting my emotion motivate how I respond to others. Most of the time, simple disagreement doesn't hurt or offend me. Actually, I find it challenging and interesting. The only time I get hurt is when someone intentionally insults me, in a very hateful or malicious fashion. What about you, TNT? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 There's a non-trivial difference between telling the truth bluntly and telling the truth with a little tact. For example -- if a dress makes my behind look gargantuan, it is enough to say 'I think that overemphasizes your rear' -- it is not necessary to say 'That's no moon ... that's a space station!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 A person with whom I have a strong relationship is welcomed to make their statements, so long as they do it with respect and w/o a soap-boxy, judgemental attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I prefer it straight. that also means *facts* and a logical reason for their opinion, not their emotional biases. I have encountered those who get *very* upset when people disagree with them, and are unable to understand other's have different points of view. whether you agree with someone or not, you need to be able to understand their POV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 As for me, life is too short to sugar coat stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I would much prefer to think I want, "Give it to me straight, no sugar-coating," but there are many times I'd prefer the coddling and I don't suspect I'm as alone in that as the poll would suggest. I do think it's framed ("coddling" in the initial post) to favour one answer. More discussion on this would be better. For instance, although again, I'd like to think I always want the info straight-up I'm a natural devil's advocate so give me something with no sugar coating and I might get my back up. Sugar coat it and take my side and I often suddenly see my fault in the issue. It's taken my husband 13 years to learn that trick. :) One sounds like the more virtuous choice but I don't think that's necessarily so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 The question for the poll leads with "When you tell...", not ask, not solve. So if I'm telling, I will likely want a listener. Occasionally, it may be good for someone to interject some information that I haven't asked for and is unsettling. I welcome that, as long as it's once and respectfully given. I also like the comparison of the plastic bat versus the wooden bat... I'd prefer a plastic bat, but for those people who just don't have them...a wooden bat is preferable to no bat at all. Excellent point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I have a good friend who is an excellent listener- really excellent- but I WANT her to also share her opinion, which she does, in due time. I don't want to burden a friend with my problems and not allow them to share their perspective. But I hope they are gentle, and honest. An opinion given bluntly without love and consideration is as bad as no opinion at all...but an honest opinion shared form love and a genuine caring for the other person, is what friendships are all about, to me. I am so grateful for my friends who hear my hurt, then help lift me out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I voted other. You can be honest and forthright and show kindness and sensitivity. :iagree: My good friends, the ppl I trust, know inherently which I need, based on my emotional state. Sometimes, I need a shoulder. Sometimes, a kick in the pants. Those I love know the difference. Part of why I love them, no doubt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It depends on the situation. Sometimes I tell somebody something for some sympathy and coddling. Sometimes I tell somebody something because I want advice or direction or perspective. Yes, this. and Dirty Ethel Rackham said it well, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It depends on what I am telling them about. Some things I just want a good listener for. Others I want advice or help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I want to hear it straight, but I don't think one needs to be mean-spirited about it. I've known a few too many people who are way too brash, who shrug and say, "Hey. I tell it like it is." I think you can be honest and also gentle. I chose Other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soonermomma Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I like people to straight with me, but at the same time I want them to be gentle and kind in the way they say things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I hate people who beat around the bush, but I also expect people to respond in a mannerly polite way. So I don't mind getting hit over the head with a bat, but can we make it a plastic one instead of a wooden one. ;) :iagree: It also kind of depends on what I'm telling them (how personal it is and/or how upset I am). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I want both, please. :001_smile: If I am upset/distressed whatever, give my hugs and sympathy and then give me truthful advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I voted other. You can be honest and forthright and show kindness and sensitivity. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I will make it clear whether I am in need of reassurance or whether I am in need of constructive criticism- either might be the case, depending on the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Well, this may sound bad but if I am telling you something, I would prefer that you listen. If I want your opinion about what I have said I will ask for it. I will grant you the same curtesy. But don't ask for my opinion if you really don't want it. I will tell you the truth but I will try to do so nicely and I would like it if you did the same. The is no reason you can't have both honesty and sincere niceties. I have some families members that must not only be understood but also agreed with and others who are so blunt that they may as well be hitting you with a 2X4. It is sometimes hard to manage communications between the two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I was raised by an emotionally manipulative opiate addict. Speaking with brutal honesty and learning to not attach emotion to the comments made by others are survival skills. Consequently, I prefer to be spoken to with brutal honesty since I distrust even the mildest, best-intentioned manipulation. I don't attach negative emotions to the message or the messenger, if the message has merit then it has merit, if it doesn't then it doesn't and that is pretty much that and I don't let emotions get involved in all of that. So, just tell me what you have to say. If you want me to just listen you have to say that. If you want an opinion, just be aware that it will likely not be tactfully stated, and I'm okay if you give me your opinion just as bluntly. I don't feel my self-worth is negatively impacted by someone telling me I'm being an idiot about something, even if they are right! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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