at waht age did you start leaving your children alone at home

[Renee in NC]

We leave the 13yo with the others at times, but never for more than an hour or two and never if we are going to be far away. My 18yo is coming tonight to stay with them so we can go out - we could stay gone for days if we wanted (not that we are going to!):D

[amo_mea_filiis.]

The training for my kids started very young. While living in my father's basement, I could leave them "alone" while running around the corner for coffee. My dd was perfectly happy being alone. ER trips for asthma with ds were a bit easier because I could just leave a note for dd.

 

Once we moved I decided to take an EMT class. If I hit all 3 traffic lights I was 3 minutes away (In an emergency I would have treated the light as a stop sign). It was 2, sometimes 3 evenings per week from 6pm-10pm. DS would be on the couch ready for sleep and dd would repeat the rules. We do have close neighbors. DD would text when ds was asleep, usually between 6-6:30. It worked great, never an issue, and they got along better.

 

With the EMT class I did miss the one that was held on a Saturday from 9am-2pm because it was 20 minutes away.

 

Now they're able to stay home while I go food shopping. It's usually not more than an hour, and I'm very local.

 

DD is not "in charge". They pretty much do their own thing, and dd will call if there's a problem (like ds will not let her watch TV!).

[SeekingSimplicity]

 

In TX, the minimum age is 4. Isn't that crazy?

 

 

I just realized out state does not have a minimum age. According to the child services website on their page interpreting the code on child abuse, the minimum age a child may be left at home depends on the maturity of the individual child.

[Mrs Mungo]

Alone at 12, babysitting siblings at 13.

[cathmom]

Ugh.

 

This thread is killing me.

 

My kids are little, so this isn't something I'm personally faced with yet, but a close friend of mine is, and making choices that scare me silly for the well being of her kids. Understand first that she's recently seperated from her husband, lives in the middle of nowhere up a mountain, and has 5 young children. The youngest just turned 4, and the eldest is 9.

 

She's recently been allowing her 9yr old to 'babysit' all the other kids while they're sleeping and she goes out at night. Because of where they live, if they called her on her cell phone with a problem, she would take minimum 25mins to get home. She figures they're just as safe as if she's there, as she sleeps like a rock and nothing that happens while she asleep wakes her up (her response when people suggest she should be concerned about fire, as they do heat the house with a wood stove). Thankfully, she does have family with a house on the same large property, just a few minutes away.

 

 

 

Why doesn't a family member come over and sit with the dc when she wants to go out?

 

. I don't think we are doing kids any favors by not allowing them to stay home alone before they are mid teens. My parents left us for a few hours from the time I was 8 and my brother was 9 or 10. We were very comfortable and mature. My friends' parents didn't leave them alone until they were about 14 and they were scared to death! They had always heard how dangerous it was, how unprepared they were, how many things could go wrong, so when their parents left for the first time in the middle of the day (with me there) they freaked out about every little bump in the house. I know it is anecdotal, but it made an impression on me. We were the same age and I felt like they had been turned into babies.

 

Everyone's situation is different. In our case, we live in a rural place and anywhere I would be going is usually 20 miles away and I would be gone for a minimum of 2 hours. If it were a case of running to the grocery store and being gone 20 minutes, then I might consider leaving a child home at an age younger than 12.

[lovelaughs_times_three]

A local hospital offers a babysitting class. It starts at age 11, so I figured this was their recommended youngest age to start babysitting. I was nervous to leave my eldest at first. We built up very slowly. At first I just left for 10 minutes at a time, always in daytime. My dd had to build up to it as well. Now, she is 12.5 and is very comfortable. We actually have a date now and then! SWEET!

I really needed this to work, so I told my younger kids that if they gave my eldest a hard time while I was gone, it would be a bigger consequence than if they did that to me. I had to follow through a couple of times, but now things run smoothly while I'm gone. My eldest has always been very motherly (both in good and not so good ways) to her younger siblings.

If I'm going on a date or out with friends, I pay her $2/hour. This is significantly below what she would be paid by others, but it is enough that it keeps it from frustrating her. And it is cheap enough that I feel like I can afford it.

If it is a trip out for the family, ie errands, grocery trip, dr. appt., we tell her that this is part of being a family, and we don't pay her for those trips.

[TheAutumnOak]

I think it depends on not only the oldest, but how the younger ones behave...If the younger ones will be a problem for the oldest like not listening and doing whatever they wanted while in the care of the oldest, don't do it...

[2squared]

I wpudl have no problem at that age, but somehow we just knew our kids would be ok- they were sensible, not the sort of kids who got into trouble easily. They always had a video to watch, instructions not to answer the door, what to do in a fire, they knew the neighbours...and they totally loved being trusted to be home alone for a couple of hours, together. We left them many times form about 7 or 8. I know that seems terribly neglectful to many here but it felt ok to us and they have never been fearful kids.

 

:iagree: We've started leaving the each dc alone for brief periods (10 -15 min) at 7yo. My 9yo & 7yo have stayed home alone for up to an hour so far. I expect my 9yo to be ready to babysit at 12yo, so we are definitely working toward that goal. She will need to be comfortable being in charge in someone else's home for periods of time and in charge of little dc.

 

I don't leave the oldest one in charge. They are in charge of each other working as a team. When they are 11, 9, & 7 same rules will apply.

[Orthodox6]

That would be crazy, were it true. Do you have a weblink to that info? (save me looking it up ! :)) I'm exempt from jury duty because I have a child under the age of fifteen. That's why I think you saw a misprint somewhere.

 

 

In TX, the minimum age is 4. Isn't that crazy?

[ProudGrandma]

my 2 older kids have very strong personalities and they don't always mesh well...so I think that could be a problem if they were alone for a fair amount of time. I have never had a problem with the 10 minute spurts...but 1-2 hours seems like such a long time.

[EKS]

For the older one it was age 11. At that point it was only for short periods (like 20-30 minutes). Then at age 12 we started leaving him and his brother (then 6) alone together for an hour or so.

[The Girls' Mom]

I think it completely depends on the kids AND their environment.

 

My oldest dd was left home alone for short periods of time from age 10. We lived in a small town, in a neighborhood full of retired folks that were nosy AND liked our kids. Plus we had family within a 10 minute drive from our house. I left her more frequently with her 8 year old sisters at age 11, but still only for 30 minutes or so most of the time. It gradually built up from there. Now with DD being 14.5 I feel completely comfortable leaving them home with her for however long I need to.

 

With the twins it is a completely different thing. We now live in a large city, with no family, and we haven't been here long enough to know our neighbors. Not to mention they don't WANT to be left here alone (without us or DD14). So they still haven't been home alone AT ALL. If we still lived where we used to, they would have by now.

[mrs.m]

That would be crazy, were it true. Do you have a weblink to that info? (save me looking it up ! :)) I'm exempt from jury duty because I have a child under the age of fifteen. That's why I think you saw a misprint somewhere.

 

Texas actually does not have an age limit:

https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/About_Child_Protective_Services/faqchildalone.asp

[LidiyaDawn]

Whenever this topic comes up here, it's answered mainly by people in North America….I'd be interested in seeing the answers (and comments) by people from other countries… Germany? China? Russia? Italy? Philippines? Greece? Egypt? Turkey?

 

I think it would be interesting to see how this is viewed in different places…

[Princess Peach]

We have discussed this recently, because our oldest is now 12. I just don't feel comfortable yet. I guess I'll know when the time is right. It's not worth it to me to go somewhere by myself or with DH if I'm worried the whole time and can't enjoy myself. For now, they go with us, or DH stays home so I can go somewhere alone.

 

As an aside, I was a latchkey kid starting at 10yo. It was for a couple hours after school each day. My grandfather lived right next door. But I still hated it. I was so lonely and was often scared. I'll bet this colors my perception a bit. ;)

[cin]

Well, our kids were inadvertently left alone for 2 hours when they had just turned 6 & 9. DH and I had a not clearly communicated, and thought they would be alone for 10-15 minutes max.

 

We both had to meet someone at church and the kids had runny noses. I didn't realize that he was going to his mom's house afterwards, and I stayed for church. The only comment I got from them is 'we're hungry'. Wow, so glad I was missed! They have been left home alone since them, for 2 hours or less, with food and instructions. DD9 views the world as Black and White. So if she is told NOT to do something, she won't. DD7 is a very obedient child as well. Their TV time is limited, so when we leave them, they watch TV. And are enthralled with it!

 

In addition, I am never more than 20 minutes away (MAX; usually closer to 10) and they are never left ALONE. Dh and my numbers are also on speed dial.

[HLDoll]

Our state doesn't have a law, but our county posts these guidelines on it's CPS page.

 

Child Supervision

 

• Ages 0-8 - May not be left unsupervised
  
• Ages 9-11 - No more than 1.5 hours alone - day only
  
• Ages 12-15 - May be left alone all day
  
• Ages 16-17 - May be left alone all night or over the weekend
  

Babysitting Guidelines

 

• Ages 12-13 - May babysit children up to four hours
  
• Ages 14-15 - May babysit more than four hours-not overnight or weekends
  
• Ages 16-17 - May babysit children overnight or over the weekend
  

I think I was around 8 or 9 when my mom would leave me for brief periods (less than an hour). I started babysitting around age 11/12. I'd watch my own 3 younger siblings if my mom could verify a trusted neighbor was going to be home in case we needed help (in the days before cell phones!). I'd watch other neighborhood children in the evenings if my parents were home and only a quick phone call away.

[catz]

My son is almost 11. I have left him home alone for up to maybe at most an hour if I'm reachable by cell and within 5 miles of home. Also, I have to know one of our neighbors is home (I can tell by looking out the window). I consider him my responsible rule follower. NO way would I leave my just turned 7 year old home with him though. You know your kids best, but in general, I think your friend is jumping the gun a bit.

[Joanne]

Alone @ 10 for 1 hour or less.

 

With siblings @ 11, but I would change it and wait if I had a do-over.

 

Related to that, I want to note that IMO, there is a difference between "sitting" for another family and watching littles and being the oldest of a sibling group withou parents present.

 

The dynamic is different. I think many kids can watch/babysit for youngers that are not their siblings and be fully ready but the same child should not be left alone with siblings.

[Orthodox6]

Then I pray that the jury system NEVER discovers this !

 

Thank you for the link. To be honest, I think the lack of any law is irresponsible. On the other hand, since when have I thought that the state should be in charge of my children ?!

 

Texas actually does not have an age limit:

https://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/About_Child_Protective_Services/faqchildalone.asp

[swellmomma]

It wasn't about an age with me, it was a maturity issue. DD has been able to be left alone at home for short periods (less than an hour), since age 9. Last year I left her for between 2-3 hours at 11.5. Now at 12 she babysits and is home on a rare occasion for 4 hours. DS turning 13 is not allowed home alone at this point. The one and only time we tried it, he decided to test out a mythbusters show and I came home to tuna all over my ceiling (he was exploding cans of tuna and soup on the stove). This is posing a major issue with work next year, as he is not allowed to go with me to work anymore, and is too old for daycare, yet not mature enough yet to be left home for any length of time.

Edited August 1, 2011 by swellmomma
spelling error

[eternalknot]

Whenever this topic comes up here, it's answered mainly by people in North America….I'd be interested in seeing the answers (and comments) by people from other countries… Germany? China? Russia? Italy? Philippines? Greece? Egypt? Turkey?

 

I think it would be interesting to see how this is viewed in different places…

 

I currently live in NA, but haven't always. Where I'm originally from, it's very normal to live with extended family. In the multi-generational home I grew up in, there was never any "leaving the kids home alone" because there was always some adult at home.

 

When I lived as an adult in a different Asian country, it was pretty much the same. In one place we were more rural and multi-generational homes were common. In another place we were in the capital city, and homes were more apartments than they were individual, single dwellings ... so despite different suite numbers there were always adults on the other side of one wall or another.

 

I live in a semi-rural community here in the States, with extended family. It's never come up that I've had to -or even had opportunity/need to- leave my kids home alone. I don't anticipate it ever will. I would feel comfortable leaving my ten year old home alone now; he's responsible, careful, and level-headed in emergencies (like when he started a minor kitchen fire last year, and extinquished it before any of the adults at home even knew it had happened). My other child, though ... ::sigh:: ... I'm not sure I'm going to be able to leave her unattended EVER! I'm pretty sure I'll need to find a college dorm room that will let me room in with her LOL.

[butterflymommy]

I started leaving my 11 yr old son alone for 10-15 minutes at a time with younger siblings while I walked some of his other siblings back and forth from school. This continued till he was 12.

 

By the time he was 13 I was leaving him alone for up to an hour at a time with younger siblings, and now at age 14 I am ok leaving him alone for up to 2 hours. My oldest daughter is 12 I will leave her with younger siblings (she is very, very mature) for up to 2 hours but only if it is VERY urgent. I pay both the older kids for babysitting.

[DawnM]

12 to stay home for any length of time.....11 or so to stay home while I ran to the store.

 

We were probably more protective than many, but we didn't feel comfortable.

 

Dawn

[Excelsior! Academy]

That would be crazy, were it true. Do you have a weblink to that info? (save me looking it up ! :)) I'm exempt from jury duty because I have a child under the age of fifteen. That's why I think you saw a misprint somewhere.

 

You are kidding! I was raising (still am, just older) 8 dc 11 and under. 4 are not mine. I got them because of my sister and her boyfriend's involvement with the law. They would NOT let me out of jury duty.

[cathmom]

You are kidding! I was raising (still am, just older) 8 dc 11 and under. 4 are not mine. I got them because of my sister and her boyfriend's involvement with the law. They would NOT let me out of jury duty.

 

I think it depends how desperately they need jurors. I've always gotten excused because of having a preschool age child.

[Orthodox6]

The exemptions listed on the card used to include the fulltime caregiver for a child under the age of ten. This time, it read ". . . under the age of fifteen", which gives me the "out" for a little longer. (I have been summoned what feels like often. Puzzles me because this is a heavily populated county.)

 

 

 

You are kidding! I was raising (still am, just older) 8 dc 11 and under. 4 are not mine. I got them because of my sister and her boyfriend's involvement with the law. They would NOT let me out of jury duty.

[mrs.m]

I think it depends how desperately they need jurors. I've always gotten excused because of having a preschool age child.

 

I think you're correct! I was excused last year because DH was traveling and (since I HS ;)) I wouldn't have childcare. But when I had a nursing 3 month old baby and preschoolers, they wouldn't grant an excuse in either case. :glare: I'll serve double time when my kids go to college.

[Cera]

In our area children can't be left home alone until they are 12.

[regentrude]

Whenever this topic comes up here, it's answered mainly by people in North America….I'd be interested in seeing the answers (and comments) by people from other countries… Germany? China? Russia? Italy? Philippines? Greece? Egypt? Turkey?

 

I think it would be interesting to see how this is viewed in different places…

 

In Germany, most kids walk themselves to and from school beginning in 1st grade. They are expected to be able to be alone for short periods of time after school. If their parents are absent all afternoon, kids usually go to aftercare - but aftercare exists only through 4th grade. As of 5th grade, no need is seen for that and children are generally considered able to spend extended time alone until parents return from work.

Usually a 5th grader would be taking public transportation across a city independently, to and from school, and even 3rd graders use public transit to reach after school activities such as sports or music lessons - compared to that, staying home alone is no big deal.

[DianeW88]

I think I waited until around age 10 for my oldest. My youngest has been left alone for short periods since age 7. Now at 10, I'm comfortable with leaving him for a couple of hours. He's very mature and it's never been a worry.

[kewb]

When oldest was 9 or 10 I started leaving him home while I ran local errands. Now at 13 I will leave him and his 11 year old sister home alone for a few hours during the day and at night for a 2-3 hours if dh and I are eating local (within 20 minutes).

 

To be honest, I get a little nervous leaving them at night but that has more to do with me then with their abilities. It helps me that we have a big dog who is protective.

 

When we do leave them alone my oldest knows that being in charge means that he is in charge in case of an emergency since he is older and has more life experience. It does not mean that he gets to boss his sister around.

[zaichiki]

A really good friend of mine suggested that I needed to start leaving our children (dd almost 11, ds9 and ds7) alone for a couple hours while I go off and do something (like go golfing with my husband).

 

My children are not overly mature, but not immature either. But, I simply don't know. At what age did you start leaving your kids for an extended period of time (over an hour or so)??

 

This TOTALLY depends on the child.

 

I would leave my 12 y.o. home for up to about an hour, if I was nearby (within 10-15 minute drive) and had a cell phone. I have left him with his 5 y.o. brother for less than 30 minutes. They watched cartoons. I would leave my 12 y.o. with the 9 y.o. for a while. I would probably *not* leave all three of my children alone together for more than a few minutes, as there is too much temptation for them to start fighting or something. I think one has to consider sibling dynamics, individual responsibility, and surrounding environment. (I also have neighbors within shouting distance, so that helps my nerves.)

 

Again, it *totally* depends on the child. What I'd do with one child at 5, 9, or 12, I might not do with another.

[ChandlerMom]

My friend in the suburbs left her kids alone when the eldest was 11. The BIGGEST problem that happened with that is that it completely changed the dynamics of the sibling's relationships to one another. The eldest began acting like he was "in charge" of the others and began acting like an (dominating) authority figure to the other siblings. He became incredibly bossy and even quit playing with the others. Now at 17, he still sees his siblings as inferiors. Just something to think about before leaving them alone.

 

:iagree: My eldest is 8yo, but I remember when my sibs were "put in charge" for the 2hrs after school until my parents got home. DEFINITELY turned them into tyrants/bullies. Up until then we were close, but after that it was never the same. IMO it has had a serious detrimental impact on our relationship even as adults.

 

Sooo, I fall into the camp of later rather than sooner. I also think it depends on how much you NEED the break. I think it is very, very odd for your friend to suggest you should be leaving them alone "for their own good". Total BS. It is for YOUR convenience, not their good (which is fine, but let's not delude ourselves). Yes, I could see some benefit for a 16yo+, and I could see 12+ being ok alone WITHOUT younger siblings (first for me was hs), but a 11yo has no NEED to be left in charge of their siblings, especially if you want them to continue to get along.

 

So find out your local laws, consider how much YOU might benefit from solo outings, consider your dc's personality and maturity, and then decide for yourself. As to your friend, sounds like the same "child needs socialization" type baloney.

[ChiMomNP]

Our plan now is 16. We were leaving him home alone at 12, but he was doing things like using skype to talk to people he met on xbox or on youtube. We had an incident where one of these "kids" tried to send him something not appropriate in pictures and was really trying to get him on webcam and voice chat. Our son did not accept but was clearly being pretty heavily pressured to download the images(pornographic). We could tell something was really bothering him for a few days and finally we figured it out. There are just too many potential predators out there and we have no way to completely lock down internet access here. We have many devices/computers that connect to wi-fi. Our job is to protect him and keep him safe, we just could not be sure that even if we told him to -never- go online when we were not here that he would 100% follow it. I was 12 once and didn't always do everything I was told. In this case because the potential ramifications could be so serious and dangerous, we have chosen to just not leave him alone. So he is tomato staked by our side when we go out.

[Momof3littles]

My neighbors left their 5 yo home alone yesterday so dad could drive to drop off his older son somewhere about 5 mins away.

 

TBH, I was pretty shocked. They are friends, but now I'm questioning their judgment (and I'm usually pretty live and let live overall).

 

My kids knocked on the door and asked to play and he let them in :( My kids had asked if they could go play and we said have N (the 5 yo neighbor) ask his parents first. This is pretty much the regular protocol in my neighborhood. I guess from now on I'm going to be calling before they are allowed to walk over there (2 doors down in our cul de sac).

 

Ugggh. Lesson learned.

 

fwiw they are from Germany but have lived here for at least 10 years. We've known them for probably 8 years.

[Matryoshka]

In Germany, most kids walk themselves to and from school beginning in 1st grade. They are expected to be able to be alone for short periods of time after school. If their parents are absent all afternoon, kids usually go to aftercare - but aftercare exists only through 4th grade. As of 5th grade, no need is seen for that and children are generally considered able to spend extended time alone until parents return from work.

Usually a 5th grader would be taking public transportation across a city independently, to and from school, and even 3rd graders use public transit to reach after school activities such as sports or music lessons - compared to that, staying home alone is no big deal.

 

I actually started leaving my kids alone for short periods of time a bit after a trip to Germany. My older kids were 9 then. We met people there that left kids that age home in the evenings to go see a movie (!). I waited till they were 10 and then only for 15 min at a time during the day and worked up from there.

 

It really is a totally different culture over in Germany. When one of my dds was 10 she went back to Germany and went to school there for 4 weeks, and she waited for a public bus, took it, then walked to school in the city. Two oldest were just back there (turned 13 while there), and they were walking all over cities in Germany unchaperoned and just told to get back to a central meeting point at a certain time.

 

I went rollerblading with a friend the other day and we went ahead while our three 13yos, a 10yo and her large dog walked behind us. She assured me they'd be okay with the dog. I said if they were managing to navigate Leipzig on their own a few weeks ago, I'm sure they won't manage to get lost on a bike trail :lol:.

 

Seeing how much the kids over there can do on our own really made me think that we might shelter our kids a wee bit much over here. And that's really only been in the past generation. Growing up weren't there huge numbers of latchkey kids? I don't agree with that necessarily (leaving young kids home unsupervised for hours after school on a regular basis), but to imply that you can't leave them at all till they're suddenly old enough to stay alone at other people's houses and babysit others' kids is... odd.

[Joanne]

Our plan now is 16. We were leaving him home alone at 12, but he was doing things like using skype to talk to people he met on xbox or on youtube. We had an incident where one of these "kids" tried to send him something not appropriate in pictures and was really trying to get him on webcam and voice chat. Our son did not accept but was clearly being pretty heavily pressured to download the images(pornographic). We could tell something was really bothering him for a few days and finally we figured it out. There are just too many potential predators out there and we have no way to completely lock down internet access here. We have many devices/computers that connect to wi-fi. Our job is to protect him and keep him safe, we just could not be sure that even if we told him to -never- go online when we were not here that he would 100% follow it. I was 12 once and didn't always do everything I was told. In this case because the potential ramifications could be so serious and dangerous, we have chosen to just not leave him alone. So he is tomato staked by our side when we go out.

 

 

:confused: 16? Tomato staked to your side in public at 12? Why?

[woolybear]

I leave my just turned 11 ds (and started when he was 10) home alone for short stretches. I would even let it be up to 1/2 hour, though not more.

 

HOWEVER, it will be years and maybe even never before I will leave both ds home alone together. It's amazing what they can cook up together that won't happen with just one of them. Also, they fight too much.

[m0mmaBuck]

I say it depends on the child but I wouldn't even consider it before the age of 12.

 

DSS was 14 before we left him at home alone, even for a short period of time (say 30 minutes to drive to the store, grab one item, and return home). He was 16 before we left him watch his brother (6 at the time) and 18 before he could watch his sister (who was 4 at the time).

 

If DS continues down his current path, 12 would be the age where I would leave him alone for the 30 minute trip to/from the store. However, we have 3 years before we have to make that call.

[Momling]

I'm okay with my 7 yr old staying by herself for a short time while I go pick up her sister at ballet (or whatever).

 

My 9 yr old has stayed home for up to 2-3 hours.

 

But... they have strict instructions on what they can and can't do. And we have a tenant (a 70 yr old lady) who lives in our house, so there is technically an adult on the premises.

[Jilly]

My twins have been staying home alone since they were 9, but there is two of them, and they are the responsible type. They have been baby-sitting their younger brother since 11. Now at 12 they are quite confident in their baby-sitting abilities and have even baby-sat my friend's children.

[RahRah]

Our soon-to-be-9-yr-old (only child) has been left alone only a handful of times for 20 minutes while I take my spouse to work (small town setting). This is in the morning and he is usually watching something on TV. He knows not to answer the door or the phone (unless he can see on the caller ID that it is one of us calling) and knows not to go outside. He knows how to call 911 and we review emergency procedures monthly. He is not ready to be left longer than that and I expect that he will be at least 12 before we leave him for longer.

 

On the other hand, we have a friend in the city who lets her 4 yr old and 6 yr old walk down a one-way street and cross it to go to a small playground by themselves! The playground is located across the street from a meth clinic and a subway stop. My spouse and I both hyperventilated when we found this out. Friend is a pediatrician and we can't believe she does this. She figures she wandered her neighborhood at a young age (in the 70s) and figures the world hasn't changed all that much. I told her I didn't believe that for a minute.

 

Anyway, here is a link from the state of Illinois on preparing children to stay alone:

 

http://www.state.il.us/DCFS/docs/leave.pdf

 

Growing up I knew how to navigate the NYC subway system by six on my own, so that would have been 1972 - I still wasn't doing it on my own, but could if I got lost - I was taught from a very young age how to get myself around the city because it was important if I ever got separated from my parents or whomever I was with. By 8 though, I was navigating my way all over the city and often on my own....and at that point we no longer lived in the city, so my adventures were while we were there visiting family and I either wanted to go see friends I still had from living in the city or other family that lived sometimes a couple of miles away in a different neighborhood.

 

When I was five we moved north of the city and by six I was walking about a half mile to my friend's house and she mine, it just wasn't a big deal back then. We lived in a rural area and my school bus stop from about age five to nine was at least a half mile away, and I walked that on my own each day....after that, it was about a 3/4 mile walk to the bus stop. If any of us kids going to the bus stop missed the bus, we were walking the 2-miles to school, on our own, no sidewalks, on country roads. That didn't happen to me until I was 10, but once was all it took for me to get to the bus stop on time!

 

The kids I grew up with - at very young ages (6-8), we rode bikes for miles and miles away from home, took long walks in the woods that seemed to go forever, played in cow and horse fields miles from home, wandered around the lake we lived without worry about drowning, ice skated without parental supervision and literally wandered all over neighbor yards for miles....today such would not be tolerated it seems.

 

I have left my six year old at the house while I was out in the yard doing things or I'm down by the lake, so not in or near the house, but I haven't left him to go do something at this point away from the property. I'll probably start brief periods on his own around age 8 - but it will depend upon his readiness and level of responsibility. At this point I wouldn't leave him at the house since going anywhere means I'll drive at least 10 minutes away, so getting back would take some time if something happened.

 

But, could I trust him on his own now, at almost seven? Yes.

 

He's allowed to ride his bike on his own (private road, cul-de-sac) to our second neighbor's driveway (each house is on 4-10 acres so it's a good distance between driveways) on one side and down the hill into the second cul-de-sac dead end on the other side (four properties away). He knows the rules and he knows if he goes beyond the boundaries we've established with him, he loses his bike privileges. He's been able to do this since he turned six with increasing distance over the year - at first he could only ride our driveway and cul-de-sac, then to one neighbor driveway each side, then two. He's now at the max we'll allow because the last driveway he can't go to is just too near the main road and that road is too dangerous even for adults!

 

DS is in scouts and this summer we've done a few things with the pack to help the younger boys gain some independence - we have bike trails in our town and recently had a bike ride, sans adults being with the boys, that was about three miles of trail riding.....one adult took the trail ahead of the boys by about a 1/2 mile ahead, the boys rode on their own from point A to B and one adult took up the back about a 1/2 miles from the boys. Once they got to the stopping point, they returned the same way. They were fine.

 

Later this month we have an activity designed where they'll navigate downtown (a small downtown, not a big city) on their own, in small groups, with just a map --- they'll start at point A and we, the adults, will meet them at point B for dinner. All totaled they'll navigate through about a mile of downtown streets (20 blocks or so) with clues along the way....adults will be lingering around along the course they'll take, but not with them. The boys are ages 6 to 10.

[ChiMomNP]

:confused: 16? Tomato staked to your side in public at 12? Why?

 

Yes, the plan right now is 16. By tomato staked we mean he can't stay home alone, not that he can't ever leave our side in public or go anywhere without us. He can go play with friends, ride his bike, go on outings and so on. He just can't be in a home without adult supervision at 12. Maybe he will be more mature before 16 and we can revisit it but not home alone again at 12 or 13. Why? He broke our trust and our rules by using skype, doing some other not appropriate web surfing related stuff, and the incident with the other "kid" (more likely an adult acting like a 14 year old boy) and the pornographic images. Just not going to put up with that at 12 or 13 kwim? I fully believe a child can be left home alone by the time they are 12, I was babysitting my sibling at 12, however this child has shown that right now at least he isn't mature enough.

[angela in ohio]

My neighbors left their 5 yo home alone yesterday so dad could drive to drop off his older son somewhere about 5 mins away.

 

TBH, I was pretty shocked. They are friends, but now I'm questioning their judgment (and I'm usually pretty live and let live overall).

 

See, that's when I just don't understand why? What is so awful about popping the 5 yo into the backseat for the drive to drop off other the other child? Then you know he is safe, and you can... oh, the horror... have a conversation with the child. Most kids these days (desperately) need more time with their parents, not more time alone.