BakersDozen Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My 3 oldest dc are on a 6-week road trip with a friend and her dd. On Saturday we got a call from my friend that has us devastated, so angry and grieved. My 14yos stole a camera and several Wii/PS games from various homes they have stayed in. He got caught on Saturday and I guess the scene with the dad was very ugly. I'm thankful for how the dad reacted because my ds needed to see the consequences of his actions; he didn't need a gentle reprimand because this is a kid whose arrogance is unbelievable and who, when caught being deceitful before (sneaking movie/computer/Wii time) has shown no remorse at all. I am so angry. I am embarassed for our family and for our friend whose friends took her in with our dc for the night. I am even more angry because this morning my friend emailed me saying she may cut the trip short by a week which means missing some really great things between KY and AZ. Some consequences thus far have been that the family asked my friend and the dc to leave so they had to get a hotel room which my ds paid for. My ds also gave all of his $ to my friend ($50) that he was to have spent on fun stuff on the trip as restitution for the camera and games (which were returned along with notes of apology). My ds has permanently lost all electronic games (he only had a small Game Boy) and his Wii games (he was grounded from the Wii for 2011 due to his deceit anyway). His suitcase is being packed by my friend each night when they leave a hotel/home to check for things that don't belong. What do we do?? My sorrow overshadows my anger at this point. I've shown my anger to my ds in the past when he is caught in his deceit and he does not care at all. My heart breaks for this child because life is going to teach him some hard lessons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam L in Mid Tenn Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :grouphug: No ideas for you, but I can fully imagine the anger/hurt you are feeling right now because of your son's actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I have no advice, just :grouphug:. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I'd say that said son has lost ALL privileges for an undertermined amount of time. He'd be within my sight and not be allowed to do anything that wasn't overseen with an eagle eye. It would take quite a bit of time for him to regain my trust. And maybe a talk with a police officer/ parole officer type person would shake him up a bit. How exhausting for you. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. :iagree: I would feel the need to go get him and bring him home as this is not something a friend should have to deal with, or my child being the reason the trip had to be stopped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. :iagree: I think this would really teach a lesson. Everyone else get to continue on with enjoying the trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. :iagree: if it's at all possible. As for what to do, I have no advice, only :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That's so very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. This. I think he needs to be out of the situation right away. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 It sounds like they are taking some good steps already. In terms of what to do when he gets home, that's a little harder. My inclination would be to address it in terms of what his heart loves more than goodness - wii/PS games? Can you get rid of whatever is related to his actions?(i.e. cut off the hand that causes you to sin) And then have him do work for the family he is with (if they live nearby) to make up for the grief he has caused them. Obviously, these cannot cause a child to feel true remorse - that has to be the work of the Holy Spirit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. I agree. In addition, the other children and your friend should not have to suffer the consequences of your son's actions. astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) Stealing isn't about stuff. I would look into family counseling. :grouphug: Edited July 11, 2011 by Starr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I have a sister who was a thief. This is EXACTLY the sort of thing she would have done. I think your son should come home but the others should continue the trip. Get him into therapy with a good therapist. This is beyond getting him to understand that he hurts people or what he is doing is wrong. The punishment won't matter. This level of non-empathy or self involvement isn't going to go away on it's own. You need some help with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Stealing isn't about stuff. I would look into family counseling. So true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My 3 oldest dc are on a 6-week road trip with a friend and her dd. On Saturday we got a call from my friend that has us devastated, so angry and grieved. My 14yos stole a camera and several Wii/PS games from various homes they have stayed in. He got caught on Saturday and I guess the scene with the dad was very ugly. I'm thankful for how the dad reacted because my ds needed to see the consequences of his actions; he didn't need a gentle reprimand because this is a kid whose arrogance is unbelievable and who, when caught being deceitful before (sneaking movie/computer/Wii time) has shown no remorse at all. What do we do?? My sorrow overshadows my anger at this point. I've shown my anger to my ds in the past when he is caught in his deceit and he does not care at all. My heart breaks for this child because life is going to teach him some hard lessons. Does he show other symptoms of Conduct Disorder or Anti-Social disorder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 No advice, just a :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I'd want to get him home ASAP. But a plane ride would be too pleasant. I'd get him a bus ticket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 He would be coming home early and tomato staked. He goes where I go. He is by my side every waking hour until he has demonstrated he can be trusted again. All privileges revoked until further notice, and tons and tons of chores until he has earned the money that it will cost to get him home early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Plane ride home and family/child therapy..... He is at a point where normal discipline had already been shown to not matter and not work. The root of the problem needs to be addressed. I do think that empathy and concern for others can be taught - and therapy is a great place for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I'm sorry this is going on. Hopefully something good will come of it. I agree that maybe there is a bigger reason he's doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Does he have impulse control issues? My two add/adhd kids have horrible impulse control issues. We dealt with a lot of lying here. I can easily see a kid like this stealing, although mine haven't had this problem. I do think bringing him home early and giving him strict consequences is called for. I'd also look for any underlying issues. It could be something simple, but it may be something he needs to have addressed or things will get much, much, worse as he gets older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I'd say that said son has lost ALL privileges for an undertermined amount of time. He'd be within my sight and not be allowed to do anything that wasn't overseen with an eagle eye. It would take quite a bit of time for him to regain my trust. And maybe a talk with a police officer/ parole officer type person would shake him up a bit. How exhausting for you. I'm so sorry. :iagree: Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. :iagree: It would be even more unfair to this family to have to cut their vacation short because of your son. I think either you or your dh should get him and end the trip for him so that the rest of the people can continue to enjoy themselves. I can only imagine how heavy your heart must be. I'm so sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtnTeaching Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I've shown my anger to my ds in the past when he is caught in his deceit and he does not care at all. My heart breaks for this child because life is going to teach him some hard lessons. Some kids seem to have a thicker skull or something. I know you are heartbroken right now, but I have to believe that now is the time for those "hard lessons" you are talking about. Better now than later! Tough love does seem to be in order. Theft, IMHO, deserves more than just taking away some WII time, etc. That Dad could have called the police on your son. Several years ago, we had a 14yo boy come onto our property, go into our workshop/office and start poking around. We were traveling and our 75 yo neighbor saw the kid, went in a confronted him before he could actually take anything (my husband's office is in there with lots of computer equipment). Scares me to death to think what could have happened to our sweet neighbor. Dh and I decided not to press formal charges (we didn't want them on his record or the possiblity of him not being allowed to play sports through school). But we also did not want him to skate by "breaking and entering" without consequences. The Sheriff's department had an incredible arbitration program and we met at a neutral location with the kid, his parents, 2 arbitrators, a community representative (to discuss how this affects the community) and another kid just a couple of years older who had gone through the same thing. It made a huge impression on the kid and he was very apologetic. The parents were complete jerks. They said this was "just a foolish kid's prank" and we were making too much out of it. They sat there shooting daggers at us while we spoke openly with the kid explaining how violated we felt and more importantly, how important is was for him to understand how much we wanted him to make decisions that would put him on the "right" path. It was a very stressful time for the kid, but he looked us square in the eye and apologized. He took a big step in becoming a better man that night, despite his parents. We still see him around the neighborhood and he always waves. He even stopped by one day recently to ask us to help support his high school band. I am sure that took a lot of guts for him to do. We will never regret doing what we did for that kid. Maybe you could see if your local sheriff's department has an arbitration program like this. They might be able to give you some advice. Doing something to make a BIG impression on your son right now seems like a good thing to me. Little "punishments" don't seem to be getting through to him. (Personally, I also agree with the other posters who recommended going and getting him immediately. Your friend should not have to shoulder the burden of your son's bad behavior for another second.) :grouphug: Hugs to you. This is not going to be easy, but he needs you to be strong right now. This is when parenting stinks, but it is also one of the most important parts of your job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Thank you all for the input. I just got off the phone with my friend and we discussed my ds and the situation. We will definitely look into counseling when he gets home. This kid is the one who, from toddlerhood, has stiffened himself, hardened his heart and resisted any and all forms of correction. His arrogance is simply astounding. Impulse control issues and such...I don't know. He seems like a normal kid, well-mannered and reliable in all other ways. But the temptation he has as far as movies/games/etc. is his downfall. This entire trip has been both wonderful and terrible. My friend laughed at the people who said they would pray for her as she took 4 teenagers for almost 2 months by herself. She thought my dc were so wonderful (as most people seem to) yet now she's seen what I deal with every.single.day. My one dd's bossy and self-righteous attitude exhibited itself right away, the pouting and silent tantrums were seen, etc. I always felt frustrated and even angry that no one else "saw" my dc for who they are and now someone has, and it isn't pretty. My struggle now is wondering if we should have had dc at all. Isn't that horrible?? I look at the ones coming up in the line and I want to cry because everything we do, all the time we pour into these kids, the things we do for them...is it worth it, really? I have a 15yod who makes an issue out of every single thing, a 14yos who steals and arrogantly views the world, an almost 13yod who is self-righteous and challenges everyone...is this really worth it?? I am feeling doubts like I never have before and the thoughts/feelings inside me are so sad. :( No, what I'm feeling is despair, that there is no point in trying to do what we have been - talking and having fellowship with our kids, pouring our time and energy into them - because in the end they make their choices regardless of what we do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I think you've gotten some great advice, so I just wanted to add a :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. I agree. Is this possible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I would go pick up this kid myself or fly his tail home! Your friend and the other travelers should not have to suffer because your ds can't behave. I say that being the parent of a child who is very hard to deal with and who, though never caught stealing or being deceitful, has always had a hard time relating to people which causes him to argue and fight a lot in social situations. It is embarassing and breaks my heart at the same time. I would figure out a way and go get your son so the others can enjoy their time and vacation. I would make sure my ds then worked (HARD) to repay me for my travel time, the plane ticket, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well, there's no use in worrying about whether or not you should have had children. Apparently something went wrong, or is going wrong or whatever. Why not family counseling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) Well, there's no use in worrying about whether or not you should have had children. Apparently something went wrong, or is going wrong or whatever. Why not family counseling? I argree with Remudamom. And you're expecting #'s 10 and 11, correct? That's a handful by anyone's estimation. I'd strongly suggest family counseling. He's the oldest, right? Perhaps there are some sibling issues going on....I don't know. But I do know he is not modeling great behavior for your younger children. Please, get your family into some great counseling. :grouphug: Peace and hugs, astrid Edited July 11, 2011 by astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well, there's no use in worrying about whether or not you should have had children. Apparently something went wrong, or is going wrong or whatever. Why not family counseling? I agree, also get this ds evaluated. Every kid will cause problems or make parents worry at some time. I am constantly worried about this kid or that kid, then the kids all switch and I worry about the ones that were so steady, but are having issues. Raising kids is fraught with problems and worry. They will make their own choices some day, it is just our job to raise, guide, teach, and help them if they have any medical or mental health issues. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My struggle now is wondering if we should have had dc at all. Isn't that horrible?? I look at the ones coming up in the line and I want to cry because everything we do, all the time we pour into these kids, the things we do for them...is it worth it, really? I have a 15yod who makes an issue out of every single thing, a 14yos who steals and arrogantly views the world, an almost 13yod who is self-righteous and challenges everyone...is this really worth it?? I am feeling doubts like I never have before and the thoughts/feelings inside me are so sad. :( No, what I'm feeling is despair, that there is no point in trying to do what we have been - talking and having fellowship with our kids, pouring our time and energy into them - because in the end they make their choices regardless of what we do. :grouphug: You didn't have those children...God gave them to you to raise and he has a purpose for them in this world. He will give you the strength and tools you need. Turn to Him right now and give them to Him. I know that is so much easier said than done. I struggle with my son too...I know the pain and the feelings of utter failure as a parent. Trust me, I know. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well, there's no use in worrying about whether or not you should have had children. Apparently something went wrong, or is going wrong or whatever. Why not family counseling? :iagree: While I think I understand you're reaction, worrying about whether or not you should have had them is not going to help the current situation. I agree with pps, go get at least the boy, maybe all of them if they are all causing problems. Let your friend continue her trip in peace, and start family counseling to figure out what is causing these problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I would fly him home ASAP then have him work the rest of the year (or whatever) to pay for the flight. It's unfair for everyone else to have to cut the trip short and if he really is not remorseful, it will just be more satisfying to him to ruin everyone's trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I agree with many posters....this is a very strong willed heart issue...it needs the appropriate response... I can tell you it is a stress to the family carrying your son, can they handle it? Can you have a heart to heart and tell her how much you want to amend the situation and get a feel for if she's the type of mom that can handle it firmly or is this putting undue stress on the kids? I'm all for learning experiences, but someone (a family member) may need to take a road trip to retrieve him and have a long heart to heart on the issue..sounds like this son needs some quality one on one time, not necessarily berating/hounding/giving him what for...but serious heart to heart character talks...kids like this need to learn how not to take things for granted....lots of community service would be in my arsenal...preferably something that helps caring/responsibility (animal shelter?) Good luck, take heart, parenting is never easy, but it is a great journey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I argree with Remudamom. And you're expecting #'s 10 and 11, correct? That's a handful by anyone's estimation. I'd strongly suggest family counseling. He's the oldest, right? Perhaps there are some sibling issues going on....I don't know. But I do know he is not modeling great behavior for your younger children. Please, get your family into some great counseling. :grouphug: Peace and hugs, astrid :iagree: This. Counseling for everyone now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I would be flying out to pick up this child poste-haste, and any of the others that are acting up and ruining the trip for your friend and her child. And my kids would work to reimburse me for the plane tickets. And then we'd start family counseling. I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine how upset you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :iagree: Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaAkins Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :iagree: I would feel the need to go get him and bring him home as this is not something a friend should have to deal with, or my child being the reason the trip had to be stopped. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I would fly him home ASAP then have him work the rest of the year (or whatever) to pay for the flight. It's unfair for everyone else to have to cut the trip short and if he really is not remorseful, it will just be more satisfying to him to ruin everyone's trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amey311 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Wringing hands and "oh what did we do wrong?" is useless right now. Right now you need to get that kid and get him home. It's really unfair for another family to have their vacation wrecked because of your son's behavior issue. This wasn't a freak medical accident that was unavoidable. This was a malicious incident that these lovely people shouldn't be dealing with. You sent three children with behavior problems across the country with friends for 2 months? :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) I can tell you it is a stress to the family carrying your son, can they handle it? Can you have a heart to heart and tell her how much you want to amend the situation and get a feel for if she's the type of mom that can handle it firmly or is this putting undue stress on the kids? I trust my friend completely and after talking with her this morning feel she is handling the situation very well. She has asked me to reconsider sending my ds home, to let them finish out the trip as planned. I don't know what to do... You sent three children with behavior problems across the country with friends for 2 months? Sounds terrible, doesn't it? The behavior problems are things my dc exhibit at home and we deal with very strongly. My dds respond well (although that doesn't mean they don't repeat the behaviors, unfortunately, but they are learning to handle themselves better...slowly). My ds has not exhibited this deceit (at least that I know of) in a while so this was shocking to everyone. From what my friend says things have gone extremely well 99% of the trip. Yes, there were times of pouting and self-centeredness which she dealt with. I'm thankful that she of all people has seen these behaviors in my dc because I trust her wisdom and my dc adore her and respond to her well. I feel my dc (especially my girls) needed someone outside of myself/dh to see what they do and address it. But my ds...well, like I said, this was a huge shock and disappointment that has rocked all of us. Edited July 11, 2011 by LuvnMySvn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :grouphug: I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through. If possible, I would fly ds home and deal with him and let the others continue the rest of the trip w/o worry. He would, of course, pay for any expenses since his poor choices caused the need to bring him home early! Just remember, as hard as it is right now, this too shall pass (hopefully brighterdays in the future). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 3 things: 1) Send him home right now on the bus. He doesn't deserve a cushy plane ride. 2) Start calling around today for recommendations for a family counselor. Get an appointment immediately. Commit to going AS A FAMILY. 3) Keep an eagle eye on him. Put him on a metaphorical leash. When one person in a family has a problem, the family has a problem. Family problems can only be solved as a family unit. This may not be what you envisioned, but it is your reality. You are not alone. Families deal with things like this all the time. A professional will help you work through it together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I trust my friend completely and after talking with her this morning feel she is handling the situation very well. She has asked me to reconsider sending my ds home, to let them finish out the trip as planned. I don't know what to do... Sounds terrible, doesn't it? The behavior problems are things my dc exhibit at home and we deal with very strongly. My dds respond well (although that doesn't mean they don't repeat the behaviors, unfortunately, but they are learning to handle themselves better...slowly). My ds has not exhibited this deceit (at least that I know of) in a while so this was shocking to everyone. Doesn't sound terrible to me. You know your friend and your situation. Most kids behave better for other people anyway. And if they do exhibit bad behavior for others, maybe a little input from someone other than family is a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie75 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Can you afford to pay for a ticket to put this kid on an airplane home so the rest of the travelers can enjoy their trip? More ideal would be for you or DH to fly out to them, pick up said kid and escort him home. I would go get him asap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I trust my friend completely and after talking with her this morning feel she is handling the situation very well. She has asked me to reconsider sending my ds home, to let them finish out the trip as planned. I don't know what to do... :grouphug: I would tell her that she is indeed handling the situation wonderfully, but ds is lucky he isn't facing criminal charges & continuing the trip is just NOT an option. And then I'd pay for a bus ticket home for him. And set up family counseling while he's on the long bus ride (plenty of time to think about what he did & the consequences of it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I trust my friend completely and after talking with her this morning feel she is handling the situation very well. She has asked me to reconsider sending my ds home, to let them finish out the trip as planned. I don't know what to do... Yes, your friend is handling it very well. But she is not his parent. You and your dh are. You need to step up to the plate, get him home by whatever means, and deal with the problem. Your son needs to know that you take this seriously. He needs the help he can get at home through counseling. And he needs to know that you can't do what he did and continue to enjoy a nice vacation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I trust my friend completely and after talking with her this morning feel she is handling the situation very well. She has asked me to reconsider sending my ds home, to let them finish out the trip as planned. I don't know what to do... Sounds terrible, doesn't it? The behavior problems are things my dc exhibit at home and we deal with very strongly. My dds respond well (although that doesn't mean they don't repeat the behaviors, unfortunately, but they are learning to handle themselves better...slowly). My ds has not exhibited this deceit (at least that I know of) in a while so this was shocking to everyone. One thing I'd absolutely NOT do is reward the boy for his behavior by allowing him to continue on the trip. Perhaps just as importantly, I wouldn't want him to be placed in similar situations where he would be tempted to repeat the behavior. That's just not fair to the kid, IMHO. It's pretty clear from what you've shared that the way in which his behaviors are dealt with at home ("very strongly") is not working. You've indicated he has no remorse, and no punishment you dream up seems to change things. So isn't it time to try something different? Forgive my directness, but what he has done is against the law. These families from whom he has stolen electronic equipment do not know him, nor do they know his "problems." They could have easily called the police and had him arrested-- out of state, and without you present. It didn't happen, but it seriously could have. Without some serious intervention, this kind of behavior can (and likely will) escalate to a point where doing chores around the house, while growing more and more angry will not be an option. Again, I"m so sorry you're going through this. astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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