End of the rope regarding teenage boy

[jelbe5]

I hope you will take this in the love it is intended. This is a crises situation in my opinion as a social worker. I suggest two choices: he follows the rules and attends counseling or he leaves your home. Period. Yes, he needs help but the behavior is escalating and he has become a danger to your family. There have been good help ideas suggested here, but ultimately it comes down to these two choices. Be part of the family or leave. My prayers are with you all.:grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

Get an assessment. What you see is just the tip of the iceberg.

He may need residential help--but they won't just fix your son and hand him back. It's a family problem, and if the family isn't fixed, your son doesn't stand a chance when he comes back.

 

I'm sorry. BTDT, still doing that. 4 treatment programs, and still doing that.

Work hard to fix what you can fix. Work very, very hard. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Wow, this brings back memories of my youngest brother. He was a very troubled teen. He set his room on fire, had to have his stomach pumped from overdosing on alcohol, was buying cigarettes for younger kids and charging them an exorbitant fee to do so. He enlisted in the Marines as soon as he turned 18, and he actually did the best he's ever done during that time of his life. He needed someone outside his family to hold him to expectations and not put up with his B.S. Now he is 34 and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He still has many problems, especially when he goes off his meds. I would talk to the doctor prescribing the Celexa and see if that could cause problems. I'd also talk to a psychiatrist to make sure nothing else is going on. :grouphug:

[Joanne]

Husband believes that screaming at him is the only way he can deal with it, doing anything else in his mind is equal to lying down and taking whatever he dishes out. That's a whole 'nother ball of wax. :confused:

 

 

It's part of the dynamic of the problem. Yelling at teens makes the parents sound like Charlie Brown adults: all the kids hear is "wawa, wawa".

 

I'd find a residential treatment center, minimum 30 days.

 

ETA: I think, at this point and with his issues, removing him from the home is the best option. While he is gone, the family, which is also sick, needs help. You won't fix this unless he gets help individually, the family gets help, and the entire unit gets help.

Edited June 5, 2011 by Joanne

[ktgrok]

You might want to check him into the hospital for a few days. They will keep him for 24 hours for evaluation and then decide if he needs to stay. I only suggest this because setting fires in his room puts your whole family at risk. You must think of your other children, their mother (yourself) and your husband (children's dad). My heart is breaking for you. We had a very rebellious teen that we had to let go. She's doing much better now than when she was a teen, but she still struggles. A few days in a hospital will give your son some perspective and will give you and your husband a little rest.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

ETA: You can check him into the hospital right now; it doesn't have to wait until Monday. If he set fires in the house because he was bored I would be afraid for my life, especially after the blow up with his dad. Please get help tonight.

 

Just wanted to say that I set fires when bored as a kid, not all the time of course. heck, I even lit part of a book on fire briefly in the middle of my american government class! That sounds awful, but in reality I put it out as fast as I lit it (books don't burn well it turns out) and no one even noticed other than my friends that knew what I was doing. That was the worlds most boring class. Anyway, I also burned some notes from an ex boyfriend, etc in a metal bowl in my room. Anyway, fire doesn't always mean trying to burn the house down, you know?

[RoughCollie]

There have been good help ideas suggested here, but ultimately it comes down to these two choices. Be part of the family or leave.

 

Leave for where? A 16 year old generally has no resources with which to support himself. Are you talking about putting him out on the street? Or do you mean making arrangements to admit him to a residential treatment center? Or do you mean something else entirely?

 

I am asking because I really want to know, with great sincerity, in case these questions come across as snarky.

Edited June 5, 2011 by RoughCollie

[SailorMom]

:grouphug:

As everyone else has suggested, a therapist, family counseling, etc. Also - the door - take it off :)

 

It could also be that he is in the beggining stages of developing Bi-polar disorder - I know when my SiL began going through that she had a horrible time, did drugs, well - did just about everything to try to make herself feel better. She also felt the whole world was against her, etc.

 

Another thought - and I don't know if you should do this before speaking to a therapist or not (it may be too much) but a "boot camp" type situation. Up at 5am, running, excerise, lawn work, studying, more running and exercise, more chores, etc. To the point of exhaustion every day. If he is so tired that he hits the pillow and falls asleep, and has no free time in between, can be hard to get into trouble.

 

I do think, many times, this can be a normal rebellion he'll grow out of - or it could be a teens cry for help,,,, or anywhere in between.

 

:grouphug:

[kalanamak]

If you send your child to a psychiatrist, be aware that you may not have disclosure to talk to the psychiatrist about your son's issues due to HIPAA.

 

While the psychiatrist may be tied from telling you things, HIPAA does not prevent family or friends telling the psychiatrist things. It is a one way street, not a no-way street, and a good therapist wants background. FYI.

[Joanne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by A.Balaban

If you send your child to a psychiatrist, be aware that you may not have disclosure to talk to the psychiatrist about your son's issues due to HIPAA.

While the psychiatrist may be tied from telling you things, HIPAA does not prevent family or friends telling the psychiatrist things. It is a one way street, not a no-way street, and a good therapist wants background. FYI.

 

I can't speak to the ethics of a psychiatrist, but in my role as a Counselor/Therapist, with the proper paperwork, I can speak to the parents of a minor child freely, although I have some discretion on "sharing" if it is not in the best interest of the child.

[cat]

Maybe consider a teen boot camp.

 

My brother went down this path.... he finally got his act together when he joined the Navy.

[Parrothead]

Maybe consider a teen boot camp.

 

My brother went down this path.... he finally got his act together when he joined the Navy.

When will he be 17? It might be time for early entry into the military.

[Beth in OH]

I'm another parent who has been through a rough time with a kid's adolescence. I want to encourage you to seek family help even if your dh won't attend with you or change. You need to have the courage to change the things you can change. You can't change another human being, but you can calmly go about doing the right thing for your son and receive advice about how to improve the family dynamic as best you can.

 

I'm going to ask a question gently......are there any issues with alcoholism in your family or extended family, especially generationally up the line? When I was going through the ringer with my daughter, I attended Al Anon (even though alcoholism was in my grandparents' generation, it had affected both of my parents' relational styles and consequently mine.) I learned a lot about myself, and worked on doing the things I could to change. My husband thought it was a crutch and was not interested. It was free. I discovered that I could bring about a great deal of change all on my own, and now, several years later, things are much better. My husband still thinks Al Anon is a crutch.

 

Good luck, my heart goes out to you.

 

Beth

[kalanamak]

I My husband still thinks Al Anon is a crutch.

 

 

 

Praise be to crutches! When I did "90 in 90" to learn about alcoholism for my profession, one woman said "Okay, I've been getting up early and coming to this meeting for 12 years. Still better than drinking for 12 years."

 

(Actually, your husband's crutch is thinking he has none. ;))

[Catherine]

The second book I mentioned, The Stardust Lounge, profiles a parent whose son was the "angry" act-outer. She found a therapist who helped her and her son join together on some things, and she stopped reprimanding him, but tried to join him in his anger at the world, without joining him in his bad behavior. While the behavior took some time to clear up, their relationship immediately improved, and that provided her with more leverage. When he had a court date (there were many), she offered him a ride, hugged him when he got more probation or whatever, and helped him plan a way to live while he continued on. Much of their rebuilding centered around taking in some very needy pets and another teen, kicked out by his family when he came home from juvie, and planning\collaborating on how to care for the animals.

 

My sense after reading it was that it's far, far more important for the long term outcome that your child know that you are on their side emotionally, than that you immediately stop all bad behavior. The boy in this book attended and finished college and is a functioning, non-criminal adult now.

 

Find a way to rebuild trust. Kids DO care very much what we think, but they won't necessarily show it. ((hugs))

[EKS]

We've started taken him to a counselor, and he is on Celexa. So we'll see what happens with that. He's been on Celexa for 2 years, just started seeing the counselor.

 

My son was on Celexa for about 6 months when he was 10. A month or two after he started taking it, he started lying about everything and became extremely destructive. For example, we have some pretty nice woodwork in our house around the windows and he carved that up in his room. He damaged or destroyed numerous other things as well. All of this stopped abruptly when he went off the Celexa.

 

The doctor dismissed my observations as being totally unrelated to the medication, but I think that there was something to it.

[melmichigan]

My son was on Celexa for about 6 months when he was 10. A month or two after he started taking it, he started lying about everything and became extremely destructive. For example, we have some pretty nice woodwork in our house around the windows and he carved that up in his room. He damaged or destroyed numerous other things as well. All of this stopped abruptly when he went off the Celexa.

 

The doctor dismissed my observations as being totally unrelated to the medication, but I think that there was something to it.

 

Celexa can enhance underlying conditions that otherwise might not have manifest, bipolar has already been mentioned, aggitation, wreckless behavior all fit in there as well. I would definately talk to both the psychiatrist who prescribed it and a good psychologist or neuropsychologist who does therapy, for your son and your family. Drug use, even just marijuana in someone with genetic predispositions can do this and compound it. Does your son understand what this combination could be setting him up for in the future?

Edited June 5, 2011 by melmichigan

[Momling]

My stepbrother at 16 had a lot of those behaviors (and some other destructive ones too). He was even in juvenile hall for a short time. His counselor recommended that he needed to be away from my dad and stepmom and they needed to be away from him. He spent one summer at a wilderness type camp for troubled teens and then lived for a year or two in a group home in Washington. It was really a turning point for him. When he came back home, he was really polite and friendly and so much more mature. I think if things are that bad and you have the resources... residential programs could be the way to go.

[I.Dup.]

If you've tried everything why not kick him out? Lighting fires in the house is unacceptable. He'd be out of here. I don't believe you set a fire in your room because you are bored. Vengeful, self absorbed, angry, selfish, stupid maybe. Not bored.

 

:iagree:

 

I agree. I like the ideas of sending him to a military camp, a work camp, or a fishing boat out in Alaska. I think he needs a wake up call (sounds like he's wanting to be a grown up, so why not let him see what some good, hard work is really like) as well as to open up his view of the world- that it doesn't revolve around him.

[I.Dup.]

When will he be 17? It might be time for early entry into the military.

 

The military is the best thing that has happened to SO many men, esp. in our time (my husband was in the USMC for 5 years, that is how we met, it was SO good for him, and for most of the other Marines we ever knew)

[Terabith]

I don't really know what I'd do, besides definite professional help. But I might try to explore some "non pathological" aspects.......a job with physical labor, mandatory exercise in large quantities, and outdoor adventures. I'm leery of Teen Boot Camps.

[OrganicAnn]

There are some resources for family counseling for people without insurance. Your doctor should be able to tell you if there are any resources in your area.

 

My other suggestion is to print out this whole thread and have your DH read it.

[rookie]

Unfortunately all within the realm of normal teenage behaviour. Not healthy, but normal, in my understanding.

 

My 15yo son is not that bad but ..well, I wont go there but it was a wake up call recently.

 

I also think a lot comes down to relationship.

The thing I would seriously be dealing with immediately is the fire lighting behaviour.

 

I have been struggling with 2 things with my teen boy who I love with all my heart. As in- which way to go. Do I keep getting stricter and stricter? Do I clamp down, cut out TV time, computer time, social time?

Or.....do I keep building the relationship and keeping the communication between us very open. The thing is, he talks to me. He told me things he has been doing that I wish he wouldn't do- such as getting drunk- but he is TALKING TO ME. That is an incredibly valuable thing. If I take what he says and use it to punish him- I immediately stop my son from sharing deeply openly with me. He wont talk to his dad. His dad and him yell a lot- but they are getting better because I help each of them understand each other.

 

So...I decided to only deal with what is happening in the house, and to monitor anything I feel is dangerous out of the house. I am very alert to teens drinking and driving and I make sure i am available if I think it is likely. We have a no alcohol policy at home, and i encourage friends to come here. But they dont always.

 

But i am not going to use what my son tells me to punish him, whether its pot, alcohol or girls. I am putting relationship and trust first. and letting him have as much freedom as I can, while at the same time dealing with the behaviour at home that we need to deal with- such as leaving incredible messes, not doing homework, not doing chores. Those, I can crack down on because I am not betraying the trust he puts in me.

 

Sometimes kids are crying out for stronger boundaries- I know that, and i understand the OP's son might be. He might also have the wrong friends- I watch that very closely too and it makes the whole difference. But also...I need to let him go. I am not a parent who wants to push my beliefs or my values onto my kids- I live them and they know it- and my kids both have a very strong wild streak. I have to let them go. Smoking pot is very common here. I am far more worried about the alcohol, but I cant control it completely so I am not going to keep my son at home under lock and key. I am going to keep talking, though.

 

I know other parents who have taken the strategy of allowing alcohol at home and I can see why, now, though I have judged it in the past. Dh is an ex alcoholic and wont take that route, so that I am living with. I know other parents who share pot with their kids. We dont do that either, but we used to smoke too, in our youth.

 

It's so hard...but I think it is very, very important to keep connecting, keep talking, and forgive, stay open. DH totally disagreed with me for a long time and his relationship with ds was terrible. He was authoritarian, punitive- and ds just withdrew. I stayed open, communicative, and as non judgemental as I could. I listen- a lot. I only shared certain things with dh- and I told dh why. His way wasnt working. He is slowly changing, less reactive, more communicative, more willing to say yes than no all the time. Home life is much, much easier and there is far less conflict.

 

Thats my sharing, for what it is worth. I was a wild teenager too, and so was dh. I do wish my parents had set better boundaries but I also wish they had managed to keep talking instead of freaking out and judging- it was way too late by the time they decided to crack down. It didn't help- I just withdrew and ran away. Teens are young adults. They are immature but they are real people, not objects we can control and manipulate. We have to meet them where they are. It's been such a challenging journey- and my son is only 15! It may get harder. But I know keeping my heart open and keeping the communication open is the right path so far- even though my teen is not behaving how I would ideally wish. At least he will listen. I have influence. And he knows he is very, very loved.

 

I asked advice from a loved, wise mentor about this issue with my son recently- and she very strongly advocated the path I am taking. I was ready to keep him home on lock down and withdraw all privileges. I am so glad I didnt take that path beause I woudl have betrayed a deep trust between my son and I. However I am not saying what is right for anyone else.

 

 

This is what I am learning and doing now too. I wish I would have learned this earlier.

 

I also think that when our dc are acting up and we want them to change, it is time to start looking at ourselves and seeing how we have to change.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I've got about 10 years before my ds is 16, but I had a question about all the advice.

 

Marines, boot camp, teen camps, etc., do not take special needs kids (that I know of). What do you with a destructive, special needs teen, other than hospitalization?

 

(asking after a very, very hard day with ds)

[bettyandbob]

I've got about 10 years before my ds is 16, but I had a question about all the advice.

 

Marines, boot camp, teen camps, etc., do not take special needs kids (that I know of). What do you with a destructive, special needs teen, other than hospitalization?

 

(asking after a very, very hard day with ds)

 

There are camps that take specials needs kids of various types. They are more expensive than other camps. If you look in the back of an ADDitude magazine or google therapeutic camps you will find some. You have to match the camp with the need.

[bettyandbob]

I haven't read all the posts.

 

I think this young man needs to be in therapy. I think his family needs to participate in family therapy. I think the current pharmaceutical regimin needs to be re evaluated. I think the young man needs both a psychiatrist and a counselor/psychologist involved. Some intervention now needs to determine the seriousness of the recreational drug use and fire starting and whether an underlying mental illness is an issue.

 

IME harsh punishments, taking away privileges and things do not work. Yelling does not work. My ds is far from the model teen so many people brag about here. I do know we've had improvement in our relationship since backing off. Some people would say we've let everything go. We can't expect him to contribute much as a family member. We do give him a fair amount of freedom. And most of the time he does call and tell me where he is (I will not argue about when he doesn't). We don't tell him what classes to take or what grades to get. His grades are really bad and now he is coming to terms with what it means to have a 700s on the SAT and a low < 3 GPA . It's his problem, not ours. With my ds we are dealing with a myriad of dxs and have been for a long time (anxiety, depression, add, and a few other things). The result is a very immature and very selfish person. But it also means if we push too hard trying to get him to "behave" his anxiety could really become a liability for the whole family.

 

For our situation, letting him be, backing off, no yelling has taken a lot of stress out of our home. It takes a lot of discipline on the parents' part to do this. Ds knows he has to live with the real life consequences of his behavior and he appears to understand what that means--his choices have not included illegal activity. I do think his anger stemming from anxiety could get him into real trouble (ds is a big, strong guy). I was hoping to help him develop some tools to deal with that, but so far have not been successful.

 

Try very hard to think of the good things about your ds. These could be personality, intellect, sense of humor, athletics. Also, watch for positive behaviors--short ordinary conversations with siblings that don't result in fighting, a nice thing he did for a neighbor or relative without being asked, anything at all. Keep these thoughts in the front of your mind as you proceed forward in your approach to your ds. Do everything you can to keep your dh and yourself in a positive mindset. It helps tremendously.

[Tarreymere]

Please do not discount the possibility of an underlying mental illness. My daughter is a diagnosed sociopath and trying to understand her and to protect her and to protect my family from her during her teen years was a nightmare. I urge you to seek psychiatric help and evaluation for your son, and to continue to seek it again and again because a big part of what is important to know to make an accurate diagnosis is the behavior of the person over time and in different situations. If you are dealing with a serious mental illness all of the well-meaning advice in the world, like 'be forgiving' will not be helpful and may even be harmful.

 

Some areas have mental health crisis numbers you can call run by the county, some have other resources run by the county human services division that may be able to help you. You can call your local county human services department and ask if you can talk to someone who works with mentally ill adolescents or with mentally ill people in general and ask what kind of resources there are in your area that might be available to you (especially if you are like us and not exactly rich enough to afford private services) and how you can go about accessing those services.

 

You may want to contact your county Children's Services agency and ask to talk over your concerns with someone, they deal with delinquent and mentally ill youth as well as neglected and abused youth and may be a good resource for you. Sometimes these agencies have resources similar to the 'boot camps' and other 'camps' or programs that may be available to you at no cost if money is a factor (it was for us). Residential programs and group homes are also available with public funds with the right diagnosis, if you don't have the kind of income to afford to just 'sign up' for a private one. Ten years ago the kind of residential program my daughter needed cost about $3500 a month, and we did not have that kind of money so we were glad to have our local Children's Services and Juvenile Probation find some out-of-home type placements for her, even though in the long run none of that did any good.

 

Hospitalization in an inpatient psychiatric unit is usually pretty extreme and a last resort for a child who is behaving in a way that is a danger to himself or others. Usually you can't just 'sign up' for hospitalization. If you feel that your son is putting himself in danger or putting your family in danger by all means call 911 and ask for advice. You may not get police officers to come over and restrain your child and drag him off to the hospital, but you just may find out that your area has a mobile mental health crisis team that can come over and check out what is going on and make recommendations and referrals.

[Sugarfoot]

I know a family that was once impacted so deeply and negatively by their son that they feared for his future. They ended up sending him to a residential high school/camp/outdoorsy-type place for the rest of his high school years. He ended up loving it there and did a total turn around. He graduated from college a few weeks ago and is dating a lovely young girl that may soon become his fiancee.

 

Sometimes, a total change of surroundings does wonders. The residential programs for troubled teens should have counseling in place as well as other needed supports. In the above case, it was a really difficult decision, but the absolute best one for everyone involved.

[wendylee]

Update:

 

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you.

 

He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Update:

 

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you.

 

He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

 

:grouphug:

[LittleIzumi]

Update:

 

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you.

 

He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Sugarfoot]

Praying for you and your family.:grouphug:

[Peela]

.

 

I also think that when our dc are acting up and we want them to change, it is time to start looking at ourselves and seeing how we have to change.

 

:iagree:

I think too many adults have become too rigid and serious in their thinking and no longer willing to have a really good look at themselves and how they might be contributing to the situation. Teenagers are very adept at picking up hypocrisy, double standards, stale rigid thinking, and adults who have lost touch with their aliveness and sense of freedom and love of life and want to make sure no one else has too much fun either. Teenagers are built like they are for a reason- they are not wrong for being the way they are. We can learn from them as much as they can learn from us. And we need to really listen to them and their reality and not tell them they are wrong for wanting to have fun.

We grow together.

None of which is to say the OP shouldn't get professional help or whatever she feels is needed. But often this stuff is a reflection of whole family dynamics and the whole family needs to reflect.

[Margaret in GA]

:grouphug: Please, keep us posted! Teenagers are sooo hard to raise :(

[calandalsmom]

:iagree:

I think too many adults have become too rigid and serious in their thinking and no longer willing to have a really good look at themselves and how they might be contributing to the situation. Teenagers are very adept at picking up hypocrisy, double standards, stale rigid thinking, and adults who have lost touch with their aliveness and sense of freedom and love of life and want to make sure no one else has too much fun either. Teenagers are built like they are for a reason- they are not wrong for being the way they are. We can learn from them as much as they can learn from us. And we need to really listen to them and their reality and not tell them they are wrong for wanting to have fun.

We grow together.

None of which is to say the OP shouldn't get professional help or whatever she feels is needed. But often this stuff is a reflection of whole family dynamics and the whole family needs to reflect.

 

 

ITA.

 

I also think its hilarious to think some sort of military camp could magically cure what sounds like a mental health stability issue. People are so grossly ignorant of mental health issues if they think that physical labor or supervision or hard core discipline can cure a person. Ridiculous.

[unsinkable]

Update:

 

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you.

 

He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

 

Praying for you and your boy!

 

:grouphug:

[Snickerdoodle]

Wendy, thanks for the update. It is heartbreaking all around for sure.

 

I have to agree with what Peela said throughout this thread.

 

In addition, I am wondering how his medication is contributing to his behavior.

 

:grouphug:

[Impish]

Update:

 

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs and advice. I really appreciate all of you.

 

He pulled some other stuff today, including threatening to kill someone and bust out windows in the church. I called our mental health emergency line and they told us to come in to the ER immediately. So that's where he's at right now. I will update after I know more.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[unsinkable]

ITA.

 

I also think its hilarious to think some sort of military camp could magically cure what sounds like a mental health stability issue. People are so grossly ignorant of mental health issues if they think that physical labor or supervision or hard core discipline can cure a person. Ridiculous.

 

Mental health issues shouldn't be diagnosed over a message board.

 

The posters who offered their advice did it out of concern and caring. I think it is unkind to use this kind of tone in response to them. You could have said the same thing in a kinder way.

[Hockey Mom]

Wendy, thanks for the update. It is heartbreaking all around for sure.

 

I have to agree with what Peela said throughout this thread.

 

In addition, I am wondering how his medication is contributing to his behavior.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm not a doctor by any means, and I don't play one online either. However, the bolded sentence above was my first thought as well. I was on Chantix to help me quit smoking a few years ago and that medication turned me into a different person. I had fantasies of hurting someone. I would start to shake in a rage while grocery shopping. I had dreams where I was killing someone. I'm not saying this is a likely situation with your son, but I wouldn't be surprised to see an update where it WAS the medication.

[FiveOaksAcademy]

:grouphug::grouphug: Praying for your family!!!

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Mental health issues shouldn't be diagnosed over a message board.

 

The posters who offered their advice did it out of concern and caring. I think it is unkind to use this kind of tone in response to them. You could have said the same thing in a kinder way.

 

:iagree:

[jelbe5]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You did the right thing. If he has a stay in the hospital you and your dh may discuss the option of refusing to take him back home. This may force the possibility of residential treatment. Talk to the social worker about placement options, especially since he truly may be a danger to himself and to others. :grouphug:

[kalanamak]

 

In addition, I am wondering how his medication is contributing to his behavior.

 

 

 

If he is in getting help as we speak, make sure you communicate the drug use. He needs a urine screen. I've seen a lot of teens using meth who light fires and act out. Meth is a heck of a lot more mood altering than Celexa. And it is everywhere.

[sassyscrapperinid]

We've done this. We've given him his freedom, we've clamped down, nothing works. When we gave him his freedom, he got promiscuous, got into drugs, etc. When we grounded him/clamped down, he's fighting with us constantly, screaming, breaking things, and then tonight setting fires in his room.

 

So honestly I don't know what else we can do. We're calling the doctor on Monday and I'm not getting off the phone until they give us some help. Church and youth group won't help, family doesn't know and wouldn't help anyway.

 

Honestly I just want him out of the house, but I know he's 16 and has no where to go. But I'm so sick of the constant fighting.

:grouphug: Try jobcorp. I definitely agree with having him evaluated though. It could provide relief for up to 72 hours or more from what I have been told. One of our boys ran a way last month, and thankfully we had a very supportive sheriff deputy help us find him and has given him a good talking to and he has been a bit better since. I really feel for you though and I know how it feels to be scared in your own home. We have found ourselves in a bit of horrible situations with our 5 adopted RAD children. The fire part has me really concerned because that is a threat to your whole family, not just himself, as a PP already said. The s** and smoking pot part are sadly what some people think is normal for teenagers in this day and age. We believe differently too. But seriously, I would try jobcorp. Check it out online. They can go in as early as 16. He can receive counseling there as well as get his GED and job training. One of my disruptive adopted kids is there right now. We have enjoyed a new level of peace in our home ever since. It may take a few months to get him in. They do a background check on everyone before they go in, but it will be worth the wait. We only had to wait about 45 days. I know that could be a long 45 days- but if there is no other option, thats what I would do. Heck, its what I have done and what I will continue to do to achieve peace in my home. So sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

[sassyscrapperinid]

:iagree:

I'm going to disagree with the 'I was bored' statement. Considering that this fire happened after he was busted for drugs, s*x, theft, I think 'bored' is an excuse, and was more motivated by being angry for getting caught and punished. Frankly, fire setting is too dangerous, imo, to risk being wrong about.

 

:iagree: I have to agree with Impish on this one. Boredom is no excuse and I am surprised it was used for setting fires or any other life threatening or destructive behaviors- especially since it was a reaction on his part to being caught in other personally destructive behaviors. Just my opinion though.

[Teachin'Mine]

Praying for your son and your family Wendy. :grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[melmichigan]

:grouphug::grouphug: You are all in our thoughts today.

[melmichigan]

If he is in getting help as we speak, make sure you communicate the drug use. He needs a urine screen. I've seen a lot of teens using meth who light fires and act out. Meth is a heck of a lot more mood altering than Celexa. And it is everywhere.

 

:iagree: I was amazed at some of the behaviors I have seen with just marijuana on people with familial histories of mental illness. They varying from such severe depression that they are considering suicide to very violent destructive outburst and threats of physical harm to others. For some marijuana is not the calm mellow drug it is commonly portrayed as being, compound with other drugs and it can be a real mess.

Edited June 6, 2011 by melmichigan

[Joanne]

:grouphug: