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Raising kids who aren't consumers - small vent


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So we're trying very hard to raise our kids so that they aren't consumers. So they don't think they MUST HAVE everything they see in the store ... that they don't have to buy something just because it's "new and improved" ... etc. I think we've done too good of a job.

 

DD's 7th birthday is coming up and we were talking to her about what she'd like for her birthday. We were really hoping for ideas because we can't think of ANYTHING that she needs or a toy that we think she'd love. All she says is, "I don't really know anything. We already have lots of toys. I'm happy with what we have."

 

I don't want to just go buy something to just have something to give her. But I came from a very poor family (where we didn't get much of anything for our birthdays) and I can't stand the idea of not having presents for her on her birthday.

 

She loves craft stuff/handiwork so for her birthday last year I put together a huge craft box for her. She's doesn't need anything for it because we've replaced things as they've run out. She likes reading, but doesn't like to read a book more than once so we do the library instead of buying. She loves science and has said she wants to be a doctor since she was 4. What would you do if it was your DD?

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Is there an *event* you can do as a family especially for her birthday? Aquarium, family cave tours, "sky hike", inner tubing on a river, Medieval Times, etc? With a special dinner of her choosing and cake?

 

We do give gifts for birthdays, but we try to put the main focus on the trip or event we all take together. Some of these have been bigger -- dd's birthday usually falls on dh's spring break -- and some smaller, but the kids really don't seem to distinguish much... They talk about birthdays based on where we went, not on what they got...

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My daughter is tough to shop for, too. Some favorite gifts have been: a cd player (she uses it all the time to listen to audiobooks while she is doing crafts, coloring or drawing); a watch, a lapdesk http://www.amazon.com/Tie-Desk-Three-Cheers-Girls/dp/B003YCMZNQ/ref=sr_1_16?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1307229066&sr=1-16 and a breakfast tray with legs that she can use as a little table for her crafts in her room. http://www.amazon.com/Winsome-Wood-98821-Bed-Tray/dp/B001U88698/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1307228832&sr=8-2.

 

Lisa

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Discount School Supply has a lot of neat science tools that are durable enough for preschool through about third grade.

 

Or maybe she is ready for a small microscope?

 

What about gardening tools, and the 'rights' to her own plot of garden? Maybe if that's more something that you would let her use anyway, and not so much a gift, how about those kits where you can make personalized stepping stones for a garden?

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Maybe this is not something you are ready for, but why not a science kit? At that age our ds was thrilled to get a chemistry set and subsequently a couple of other kits filled with science experiments. Granted, some experiments will require participation by and adult but she could have wonderful time experimenting on her own too. Birthdays are so hard for gifts. I commend you on raising kids who are not after the 'latest and greatest. That was our goal as well and it stuck.

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My first thought was an experience...as others have mentioned. Find something you think she'd enjoy and do that together. Another idea would be lessons to learn something she might be interested in (this can be short-term). Maybe a music camp or horse-riding lesson or an art class.

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You might start a collection for her--perhaps Limoges, porcelain tea sets, coins, or stamps.

 

Maybe purchase some craft books for her--uncommongoods.com has a nice selection, including one on duct tape projects and how to build your own ukelele (a kit).

 

I really like the idea of an experience, as suggested by PPs.

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For art supplies on the more natural side, this company has great stuff: http://www.achildsdream.com/

We especially love the bee's wax.

 

I usually head over to Anthropologie for birthdays. I like to buy a special mug or drinking glass: http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=973841&catId=HOME-TABLETOP-DINNERWARE&pushId=HOME-TABLETOP-DINNERWARE&popId=HOME&navAction=top&navCount=126&color=030&isProduct=true&fromCategoryPage=true&subCategoryId=HOME-KITCHEN-MUGS

 

If she likes science... I can highly recommend this natural history book. It's fabulous! http://www.amazon.com/Natural-History-Smithsonian-DK-Publishing/dp/0756667526/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1307231396&sr=1-1

 

A microscope? On the cheap, my kids love their jeweler loupes: http://www.theprivateeyestore.com/servlet/the-41/private-eye-loupe-lanyard/Detail

 

A collection of bath toys (crayons, paints, etc) and plush towel.

 

If she likes reading, do you have a little space to set up a reading corner? A small cozy chair and ottoman with a mini side table

 

Probably our most popular gift every year is a few yards of some crazy fabric. Endless possibilities. :001_smile:

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-Sign her up for a museum membership, dance classes, art classes, etc.

-Ask her to pick out a toy/book for a homeless shelter and start a new tradition

-personalized name necklace

 

 

Good luck! Sounds like you have a very smart little girl!

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Mother/daugter mani/pedis. My dd go every year on her birthday. We started doing this when she was 5 and she is turning 11 this year. It is our special girl time. After the pampering we go our for ice cream.

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My Mary, who is also 7yo, sounds a lot like your daughter- she's definitely not a consumer- she's happy with what she has. While this is a lovely trait it can make it difficult to shop for her on birthdays or Christmas. Last year for her 7th birthday we got her a lap loom. I second the idea of audio books with a CD player- she really enjoys that. What about a hook & loop potholder kit? Faber-Castille has some neat paint sets. This probably sounds totally lame but Mary loves stuffed animals- we splurged on a Fur-Real White Cat for her & she loved it. What about an embroidery set? Does she like building kits? We got Mary the KaleidoGears for Easter and she enjoys that a lot. Zoobs are a big hit in our house too. Does she like to cook? Magic Cabin has a Junior Bake Set that has real baking items that are just child size- bunt pans, cookie sheets, loaf pans, etc. I think the whole set is around $20.

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Could you maybe arrange a tour of a hospital or a doctor's office? If she likes the outdoors could you go hiking or kayaking or biking or something like that?

 

Is there an *event* you can do as a family especially for her birthday? Aquarium, family cave tours, "sky hike", inner tubing on a river, Medieval Times, etc? With a special dinner of her choosing and cake?

 

We do give gifts for birthdays, but we try to put the main focus on the trip or event we all take together. Some of these have been bigger -- dd's birthday usually falls on dh's spring break -- and some smaller, but the kids really don't seem to distinguish much... They talk about birthdays based on where we went, not on what they got...

 

I love the idea of an experience. Go somewhere neat and do something with her that she would love to do and make is special.

 

An all day outing to the zoo, etc, or someplace that has "rides". Does she like plants? My son was thrilled to get strawberry plants one year.

 

I love these ideas. The problem is I'm pregnant with Hyperemesis. So an outing someplace is out this year. DH and I talked about going someplace with him and the kids, but she overheard and said she'd rather be at home all of us than go someplace for her birthday without all of us.

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Many of these already mentioned....

 

  • an 'experience' gift (outing, trip, activity, membership)
  • bird feeder + bird seed + sketchbook + mini binoculars + bird id book
  • butterfly garden/kit
  • science kit
  • donation to a charitable cause that would be important to her (perhaps to animals or to scientific research toward a particular disease?)
  • a real stethoscope

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There are books w/science experiments and supplies.

 

Discount School Supply has a lot of neat science tools that are durable enough for preschool through about third grade.

 

Or maybe she is ready for a small microscope?

 

What about gardening tools, and the 'rights' to her own plot of garden? Maybe if that's more something that you would let her use anyway, and not so much a gift, how about those kits where you can make personalized stepping stones for a garden?

 

Maybe this is not something you are ready for, but why not a science kit? At that age our ds was thrilled to get a chemistry set and subsequently a couple of other kits filled with science experiments. Granted, some experiments will require participation by and adult but she could have wonderful time experimenting on her own too. Birthdays are so hard for gifts. I commend you on raising kids who are not after the 'latest and greatest. That was our goal as well and it stuck.

 

I hadn't thought of this. One of her favorite toys she has is a real doctor kit that I made for her with a real stethoscope, otoscope, blood pressure cuff, etc. I bet she'd flip for a microscope and some slides to look at or a chemistry set to explore.

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Well, if you've done such a good job with her, I would maybe try giving her... nothing? Seriously, if that is your ultimate goal- why not test it out and see if you are willing to go pedal to the metal?

 

For the record- I am not being snarky AT ALL. I think not raising consumers is a -wonderful- goal. But at some point, you have to walk the walk. :)

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Well, if you've done such a good job with her, I would maybe try giving her... nothing? Seriously, if that is your ultimate goal- why not test it out and see if you are willing to go pedal to the metal?

 

For the record- I am not being snarky AT ALL. I think not raising consumers is a -wonderful- goal. But at some point, you have to walk the walk. :)

 

I think she already has been "walking the walk." Why is it that in our society, there is no such thing as moderation? It's always, all or nothing.

 

The fact that she has a daughter that hasn't requested new toys, clothes, or pretty much anything, shows that her family has been practicing the non-consumerism philosophy for some time. Kids don't just wake up not wanting new toys for their birthday. That's a learned attitude, especially since everything in our society is contrary to it.

 

Just because a person isn't driven by consumerism, doesn't mean that they must be an ascetic, or they're a hypocrite. Again, moderation. I think there's nothing wrong with a birthday gift for a 7 year old. And afterward, they'll still be safely on the side of productive, self-sufficiency.

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I wouldn't get her anything. We don't buy our dc birthday presents. When they need things, we include them in the family budget and they get them. For example, they all got new bikes this year.

 

Dh also came from a very poor family, and it was hard for him to not go big on birthdays, Christmas, etc. to make up for that. I understand that!

 

For birthdays, we have family over and have a wonderful meal and play games and such. I think that is a great gift! :001_smile:

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Our 7yo twins are that way, too - and still, their grammy / aunts / uncles get them "stuff" gifts. (Though I can't complain - they are slowly coming around to audio books and museum passes instead of MORE plastic imported from China, LOL.)

 

So we counter by making that child queen for the day - no chores (we cheerfully do all hers for her), breakfast in bed (making a huge hoopla out of it), no school (for anyone), and she gets to choose either (A) a new or favorite playground or (B) a new or favorite library. Plus she gets to choose what we have for supper (has to be written down for mom a week early, so I'll have the ingredients), and she gets the *BLUE PLATE* for dinner. :)

 

We have taught them that having an absolute blast without spending a dime is a GREAT life skill, and - this method also helps us celebrate the girls as individuals, not just as identical twins. They look forward to it every year.

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I think you should take a quick trip up to the Dallas / Ft. Worth area. ;) :D

 

I'd love to make a trip up there to visit, but it's not happening till winter at the earliest. I'm hoping that we will make it up there Dec/Jan though...and with a little more planning time to plan what we could do. :)

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There still ARE lovely kids in the U.S. who don't want more things! I completely understand you - I also have a daughter like that and as a parent I would like to give her some presents for her birthday, but kids like that really only want a lot of family time, like chasing around the dining room table by monsters (ahem, us) or snuggling together to read a new book.

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My son just turned seven. For his birthday his piano teacher (also my friend, and our neighbor) gave him a drumming lesson at a local store. When my next boy has a birthday he will be given a music lesson of his choice. Right now he is wanting a violin lesson.

 

I like it because it gives them a chance to experience different instruments. That way when they are older, or tired of piano they can make a informed choice on another instrument to try. (I am thinking/planning/hoping to insist that my kids take a music lesson weekly throughout there homeschool lives)

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Well, if you've done such a good job with her, I would maybe try giving her... nothing? Seriously, if that is your ultimate goal- why not test it out and see if you are willing to go pedal to the metal?

 

For the record- I am not being snarky AT ALL. I think not raising consumers is a -wonderful- goal. But at some point, you have to walk the walk. :)

 

We're not trying to raise her to never buy or expect anything. We're trying to raise her to not buy or expect *everything* or expect something for nothing. We don't want her buying/expecting things just to have them or buying something to throw it out in 6 months when a new version comes out. This is why I was torn for her birthday; we want to give her something that would have value and meaning, rather than a random X just so we can say we're giving her something.

 

We don't ever have plans to stop celebrating birthdays/Christmas with presents of some sort. Thanks to the suggestions of a chemistry set or microscope, I have a couple of ideas for things that I know she'll love and will be meaningful to her. :)

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There still ARE lovely kids in the U.S. who don't want more things! I completely understand you - I also have a daughter like that and as a parent I would like to give her some presents for her birthday, but kids like that really only want a lot of family time, like chasing around the dining room table by monsters (ahem, us) or snuggling together to read a new book.

 

Yep, this fits both my kids to a T. Her favorite things are things that she does with us. Not even big trips places...just sitting on the floor playing Polly Pockets or taking turns making up a silly story or splashing in the neighborhood pool. A lot of that has suffered with me being so sick with this pregnancy, but she's taken it in stride and always seems more concerned with how the baby and I are doing than with me not be able to sit on the floor with her or being able to take her to the pool...

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Yep, this fits both my kids to a T. Her favorite things are things that she does with us. Not even big trips places...just sitting on the floor playing Polly Pockets or taking turns making up a silly story or splashing in the neighborhood pool. A lot of that has suffered with me being so sick with this pregnancy, but she's taken it in stride and always seems more concerned with how the baby and I are doing than with me not be able to sit on the floor with her or being able to take her to the pool...

 

You have a very sweet child. What about something like CitiBlocs? I bought that recently for DD and she's been able to sit by herself and listen to audiobooks while building structures. I tend to gravitate toward educational toys without batteries and ones that require a child to work on it for at least 30 minutes. I also have a box of Haba's Ball Tracks that use marbles.

 

I noticed that DD loves to color while listening to audiobooks, so I purchased 3 of the Ralph Masiello's Drawing Books. They are simply wonderful because he teaches step-by-step how to draw ocean creatures, bugs, dragons, etc. So for someone who used to only draw stick figures, she is now drawing so many wonderful things.

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What a sweet daughter you have!!

 

What about a special "at home date" where she chooses the activities. She could choose for you to read to her for 30 minutes....then she chooses a game that the family plays....she chooses dinner....a special treat for dessert....etc.

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We are going to have the same problem when our oldest turns 7 later this year. I have started brainstorming ideas and am probably going to buy her a "big girl" gift.

 

Some ideas:

Ipod shuffle

Digital camera

Nicer Jewelry item (I am thinking about pearls or a locket)

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You have a very sweet child. What about something like CitiBlocs? I bought that recently for DD and she's been able to sit by herself and listen to audiobooks while building structures. I tend to gravitate toward educational toys without batteries and ones that require a child to work on it for at least 30 minutes. I also have a box of Haba's Ball Tracks that use marbles.

 

I noticed that DD loves to color while listening to audiobooks, so I purchased 3 of the Ralph Masiello's Drawing Books. They are simply wonderful because he teaches step-by-step how to draw ocean creatures, bugs, dragons, etc. So for someone who used to only draw stick figures, she is now drawing so many wonderful things.

 

Thanks for the ideas! I've never heard of CitiBlocs, but I'm all about things that aren't plastic/made in China/batteries required. :) And she loves art stuff too so I'll check out the books too!

 

I'd put together a mad scientist kit for her!

 

This is what I'm leaning towards. Some cool science kits I know she'd love.

 

What a sweet daughter you have!!

 

What about a special "at home date" where she chooses the activities. She could choose for you to read to her for 30 minutes....then she chooses a game that the family plays....she chooses dinner....a special treat for dessert....etc.

 

This would be neat too! I could make a coupon-type book really easily for her with things she can trade in like that very easily. Thanks!

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