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Ds didn't come home. I hate this.

Chris in VA
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Chris in VA

Chris in VA

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We had such a good day. We all went shopping for clothes, and Peter got his tux for prom. Then we had a concert at church (dd sang) and then a girl scout campfire (the boys didn't participate in these two events). It was a fun, tiring day.

Peter got a phone call about 9:30 ish and asked if he could go to a friend's house--fine.

I call him at 11:53pm to remind him of his midnight curfew, and he seemed fine--"ok, I'm on my way" kinda talk.

 

Fast forward to 1:20am--he isn't home (I got up and checked). I had left the garage door open on one side, but ds20 closed it, so maybe Peter thought we were mad and locked him out? This happened once when he was 15, but it was absolutely not the case this time.

 

I called his cell, left a message, and woke dh up, who texted a message to Peter and then (upon my urging) called the family of the boy Peter was supposedly visiting--his mom said he had not been with her son, as her son had spent the day in another state!

 

So, Peter was not with his good friend. We called the girlfriend, and the "using-skateboarder" friend.

 

All had phones turned off where the line goes right to voicemail.

 

Called again this am. No answers.

 

Dh slept downstairs all night by the door. I slept upstairs--off and on all stupid night long.

 

Guess we'll be calling the police if we don't hear from him by 10 or so.

 

Prayers, good thoughts, etc. As usual.

Geez, you'd think I was a drama-troll if y'all didn't know me.

 

 

UPDATE: Went to Gf's house, talked with her and her mom. Ds not with GF last night--turns out we think he spent the night at a party a few towns over, asking the friend he told us he was visiting to cover for him (which he didn't, really--that's the mom we called at 1:20am). That friend told GF that Peter was with another boy. GF helped me by phoning lots of friends to get other boy's number. Called, but no response.

 

Son is in trouble, and we need the wisdom to know how to handle it. He hasn't come home yet, but when he does, we will talk about him moving out.

On a good note, I got to meet his GF's mom, who is very nice and very strict with her dd (I like that). I also got to talk to Gf about Peter's drinking and other activities. She is pissed at him, saw me upset (sad, not mad) and I think it made an impact on her--she agreed heartily that he crossed the line.

 

This was supposed to be a wonderful day. It's Youth Sunday, and Peter agreed to go to be recognized with all the seniors. He even bought a nice shirt and shorts. I know he intended to go, bc his alarm was set for 9am (and went off). At least I can feel better about the garage door being down--that wasn't an issue.

 

Thanks, Beth for reminding me not to think too much about the impact of this on the future and not to get anxious.

Edited by Chris in VA
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springmama

springmama

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I'm so sorry. I pulled that kind of garbage on my parents, but they didn't seem to notice or care. I'm glad you care. It may seem like he doesn't appreciate it now, but the fact that you are worried and willing to stand up to this kind of behavior will go along way as he gets older and hopefully grows a brain in his head (as my old pediatrician used to say)

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Beth in OH

Beth in OH

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Two steps forward, one step back. I'm praying that this backward step is a baby step, and that you'll be able to let go of the anxiety. Hang in there, Chris. Focus on the moment, and don't let your thoughts race toward the "what ifs" or the impact of this moment on the future. :grouphug:

 

Beth

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KnitWit

KnitWit

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((((Chris)))))

 

I'm praying.

 

I have gone back as an adult and thanked my parents for not caring whether I hated them or not, or whether they were my *friend* or not, and for holding the line when I bucked against it and saving me from my stupid self.

 

Praying for you to have wisdom.

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Barb_

Barb_

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Chris, old habits die hard don't they? Wanting to change sometimes isn't enough in the face of temptation. He is safe and his girlfriend is now your ally. You are doing so well if you take the long term view. Wishing you wisdom and grace as you navigate this tough road.

 

Barb

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Margaret in GA

Margaret in GA

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Hugs, Chris

 

I want to tread lightly because I've not personally dealt with something like this, but I have a friend that went through a similar thing beginning a few years ago. First, the boy wasn't coming in on time. Then, they discovered he'd been smoking pot. Then, it progressed to other drugs. Then last week he died from complications of a drug overdose/ assault. He was 18. Make sure it's 'just' drinking and not something more. The effects of some drugs last hours and hours, making it impossible to come home at all.

You may read about their struggle here if you wish:

http://www.mamapundit.com

 

God Bless You.

 

Margaret

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Chris in VA

Chris in VA

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Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry he must have had what is called "euphoric recall". :grouphug: We are most hurt by those we leave our heart open to.

 

Yes, we know that is always a possibility.

 

He came home this afternoon around 2, apologizing, feeling so bad he had caused so much pain, and we really had a wonderful, honest talk.

 

He is struggling in many ways--so unsure of his future, what path to take, etc. He doesn't want to go to AA anymore because it's a spiritual program (yes, there are Atheists, but ds, who is Atheist, doesn't think a higher power that is other than some sort of diety is really all that powerful--he thinks that someone who says "the chair" or "my parent" or any person is his higher power is just dumb--this is HIS judgement, not mine, btw). He doesn't want to go to counseling, and we really can't make him.

 

He knows he hurt his dad, probably can't go to prom with his GF now, and so on. He is just sad, confused, and feels stupid.

 

Addiction is so powerful, and as I've said before, such a lying, thieving b*tch.

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Tree House Academy

Tree House Academy

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I am so sorry to hear you all are going through this. My boyfriend in highschool became addicted to alcohol and drugs the last 6 months we were together. He really struggled and his life path took a huge turn because of it. I remember the grief his mom went through and how many times she came to me crying for him. I couldn't take it anymore and we did break up. The good news is that he did manage to break the addiction later in life. He is 31 now and has finished college, gotten married, and has two beautiful little girls.

 

I will be praying for your son (and your family).

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dragons in the flower bed

dragons in the flower bed

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He doesn't want to go to AA anymore because it's a spiritual program (yes, there are Atheists, but ds, who is Atheist, doesn't think a higher power that is other than some sort of diety is really all that powerful--he thinks that someone who says "the chair" or "my parent" or any person is his higher power is just dumb--this is HIS judgement, not mine, btw).

 

If he feels stupid because he drank again, and he feels stupid thinking of some non-deity as a higher power, then his choice is between a stupidity that helps him drink and a stupidity that helps him stop. Not that it is helpful of me to say this to *you* and I hope it doesn't come across as an attack on or criticism of you. I'm deeply sorry that you're going through this. I know way too well what it feels like to wait up for someone you hoped beyond reason that you wouldn't have to wait up for ever again.

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Sue G in PA

Sue G in PA

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Geez Chris. I so wish I were there to give you a hug! :grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this. And I wish I had some words of wisdom but I haven't btdt yet! I will keep praying for you and your family. God is in control...and even though those words probably sound hollow right now...it is true. Your ds is HIS child and you can trust HIM with your ds. Please try to remember that.

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Scarlett

Scarlett

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Yes, we know that is always a possibility.

 

He came home this afternoon around 2, apologizing, feeling so bad he had caused so much pain, and we really had a wonderful, honest talk.

 

He is struggling in many ways--so unsure of his future, what path to take, etc. He doesn't want to go to AA anymore because it's a spiritual program (yes, there are Atheists, but ds, who is Atheist, doesn't think a higher power that is other than some sort of diety is really all that powerful--he thinks that someone who says "the chair" or "my parent" or any person is his higher power is just dumb--this is HIS judgement, not mine, btw). He doesn't want to go to counseling, and we really can't make him.

 

He knows he hurt his dad, probably can't go to prom with his GF now, and so on. He is just sad, confused, and feels stupid.

 

Addiction is so powerful, and as I've said before, such a lying, thieving b*tch.

 

I am so sorry Chris. I know this has been a long hard struggle for you all. I hate to see the backsliding, but as you know, all is not lost.

 

:grouphug:

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