Why are some homeschoolers so anti-social?

[TracyR]

We all taught the fact that being homeschooled doesn't mean that our children are anti-social. So why is it that the parents are so anti social? At least in our area.

 

I think I'd have a better time gnawing off my right arm then to get together with other homeschoolers. We don't have a homeschool coop. Just an 'unofficial' one in our area because no one wants to take responsibilty for it. It involves a Fire Safety Day in October(law) and a Valentine's Party in Feburary. That's it. I wish I had the time to take it over but right now I am having health issues as well as my youngest so I don't want to take on something like that when things are so unknown for us at the moment. So its not an option.

 

Even then to get others to come to the functions is unreal. No one shows up half of the time.

Those that do show up have their own little cliques. I'm a pretty outgoing person who enjoys talking. So its not like I stand back and wait for everyone to come to me. I always have to go to them and actually have gotten quite tired of that. The homeschoolers in our area have their own little group of friends and act like they have no room for new people.

 

After 8yrs my husband has grown tired of it as well and is starting to form the opinion that homeschoolers are stuck up and weird.

My girls will be attending private school this fall because they just are feeling so lonely. I've found the parents from the school to be so much friendlier. Why the heck is that?

 

Don't get me wrong I love homeschooling. I'll miss being my daughters' teacher this year. But in the same breath I don't like the fact we don't have that social network in our area either.

We've traveled only to have my children make friends with other people's children. Then to have us invite them for a fun day only to hear from them " We don't travel out your way." What the heck? We made the time to travel to you!

I can honestly say we have given it the very best try that we can with making homeschooled friends. We aren't bad people, actually we are a pretty fun family. We enjoy going out and doing activities like bowling or even to the beach. We like to go to the park or just visit with others.

Am I a dinosaur thinking there are people that like to go out and do things anymore? Are my expectations to high? :confused:

[hornblower]

I think a lot of homeschool moms are "I" on the Myers Briggs tests.

 

So it's not so much anti-social as finding social situations tiring & just not really wanting to do tons of things with lots of other people.

[delaney]

Okay don't shoot the messenger but is it that some homeschoolers are weird or that weird people homeschool? I have found that if I meet an "off beat" mom and dad they 10-1 are homeschoolers. Maybe they have social issues and do it to avoid being with the mainstream? I am just a mom who once taught and now sees the MANY things wrong with the public system and want better for my kids. I have no religious issues but do see that the middles school here is a breeding ground for the street walkers of tomorrow! What a crazy oversexed place that has become! I prefer HS over Middle any day!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Also - a lot of homeschool moms are really, really busy - esp. if they have a number of children. I only socialize with one or two other homeschool families. When I add in neighbors (including the kids who play regularly with my kids), family, church family, sports, friends who we've sort of gathered over the years, I'm pretty full socially. I am friendly to others but sometimes when I'm invited to "one more thing" my heart sinks - because sometime, somewhere we have to find time for our studies and for the housework!

[Perry]

I think a lot of homeschool moms are "I" on the Myers Briggs tests.

 

So it's not so much anti-social as finding social situations tiring & just not really wanting to do tons of things with lots of other people.

:iagree:

I was antisocial before I started homeschooling. Always have been. Homeschooling has nothing to do with it. :)

 

ETA: I'm not stuck up. Weird, maybe.

[Renee in NC]

I would love to get together with others, but I am so so busy with dr. appts, therapy, testing, etc. that it is hard for me to find the time and energy. I am also fairly introverted and I have a bunch of children, so I am drained before I ever leave the house!:lol:

 

We are also not finished with school by noon like many people, so we can't go out in the early afternoon.

[smrtmama]

Part of it in my case is that I don't have a lot in common, ideologically/philosophically/politically with a lot of other homeschoolers, so while I like co-ops, I don't necessarily want to hang out with them out lot outside of the co-ops. I love the handful of people I associate with regularly, but haven't found myself that willing to make the leap to the big homeschool playgroups -- especially after my first experience, where a couple of unschooling moms were talking bad about those pushy curriculum-using parents whose poor kids never have time to just "be kids and have fun."

[sparrow]

Okay don't shoot the messenger but is it that some homeschoolers are weird or that weird people homeschool?

 

:lol: I tend to agree and I think we fall into that category! We're weird for our local homeschoolers though, too :lol:.

 

Seriously, my kids are involved in scouts and 4-H and I typically find the parents of the ps kids involved are more welcoming AND many of the ps kids themselves are, too! Maybe it's just our local hs group, but I'm about done with it since most of the kids are brats, frankly.

 

:grouphug: Best wishes as your family starts this new journey.

[lllll]

...

[G5052]

Most of our closest friends are at church, but we actually went through several co-ops until we hit one where my kids were truly happy and felt like they fit in.

 

Like some of the other posters, our schedule is difficult and our finances are tighter than many, so at times we've been anti-social without wanting to be.;)

[Lisa R.]

Some appreciate an invitation, but never get around to reciprocating. "I've wanted to have you over, but we're just so busy." There are some families that appreciate an invitation and make an effort to return the friendship. These are in the minority, but they are out there. Over the years I've finally figured out that I will invest my time and effort into those families that appreciate and return the effort. I don't expect that each invitation will be met with a similar invitation back. However, I'm done with one-sided friendships.

 

I encourage you to avoid those who say they just don't have time. Fine. Find someone who does and don't waste efforts on those who aren't truly interested or motivated into forming new friendships.

 

After reading these boards, I've been interested to hear from those introverts that really aren't interested in pursing new friendships. That was a revelation to me that some people really don't need or want friends. Really, it's nothing personal towards you (or me). Certain people truly value and prioritize socializing more than others.

 

(If you invited me over, I'd invite you back...even if I had to drive awhile to get there.)

[LauraGB]

I was antisocial before I started homeschooling. Always have been. Homeschooling has nothing to do with it. :)

 

ETA: I'm not stuck up. Weird, maybe.

 

This would be me, too. Actually, I have stepped out of my "let me be to do my own thing alone, please" attitude since we started homeschooling. Although, I guess I started trying when the kids were about 3 or so. And it was a serious effort for me - I still don't like it. Anyway, I did it primarily because I have a very social daughter and lo and behold, an unsocial son. :confused: I didn't want to deny her and I didn't want to enable him. So, I do go to the gatherings that involve the kids - not the mom's night out stuff, and it takes a lot to get me to go to the gatherings at someone's house (it's just more intimate and I don't like it very much).

 

I'm sorry you are having such a miserable time socially. Dh and dd are both social beasts and I know it would be hard on them, too. In fact, I think it would drive them insane.

 

We have a smallish city (comparatively speaking) and we have 2 fairly large, active homeschool groups to which we belong. Is there nothing within a reasonable drive (say...30 min, perhaps?) from you? Have you checked into the groups for the public cyber schools? Sometimes those are formed aside from the "traditional" homeschool groups.

Edited May 30, 2010 by LauraGB

[Leola]

Part of it is where you live - those are very typical behaviors of people in your area. It's not like that everywhere.

 

In our life, we may seem unsocial, but it's because I am tried! This is the season on life we are in. We rely on each other more so than friends then we rely on our church and lastly friends.

 

School moms often have more time than homeschool moms, so it's easier for many of them. (It's not always that way, but it is often that way.) We live in an area where there aren't a lot of homeschoolers, so we have a lot of non homeschooling friends. The bulk of my network where I live is nonhomeschoolers. My girls best friends are in school.

 

Because of where we live, I do drive 40 minutes to a coop group that meets one day a week to have some support/connection with homeschoolers. This meets my kids needs for homeschool friends and mine.

 

Beyond that, I don't have time for a lot of those fun things homeschoolers do. We school for 6 - 8 hours a day for 4 days. We have our day a week group - add in music, sports, grocery shopping, drs appointment, ailing MIL etc and my week is spent! I cringe when I get invited places because it's just too much. I have had homeschool friends ask me if I didnt' like them or want to be friends. I have had to work hard to assure them it's not personal - it's just where we are right now.

 

I personally would never give up homeschool because my kids felt lonely.

Edited May 31, 2010 by Leola

[Crimson Wife]

Part of it in my case is that I don't have a lot in common, ideologically/philosophically/politically with a lot of other homeschoolers

 

:iagree:

I'm too politically conservative, religious, strict about behavior, academically-focused, etc. for many of the folks in the "inclusive" HS group. But I don't care for the judgmental attitude that many of the moms in the local group affiliated with my church have. I hate feeling like my commitment to my faith is called into question just because I "only" have 3 kids. Babies are blessings and I do hope to have a larger family some day but it's between us and God. I don't need to prove that I'm a Christian by the number and spacing of my kids...

[mommyofthree]

I am friendly to others but sometimes when I'm invited to "one more thing" my heart sinks - because sometime, somewhere we have to find time for our studies and for the housework!

 

:iagree::iagree:

[cathmom]

I am an introvert, but I do like to do social things and I wish I could be more involved in a homeschool group or see friends more. But two years ago we began 4-6 times a week either tutoring or therapy for various of my children, and the older ones do one activity each. We live at least a half hour away from anything, I occasionally teach part-time, 4 of my children are 6 and under, I do like to at least pay some attention to my child who is in college, and sometime we have to fit in schoolwork for 3 school-age dc! Not to mention all the normal things of living: bills, housework, yard work, etc, and the fact that my dh works 7 days a week. So when I say I don't have time, I literally DO NOT HAVE TIME LOL!

[TracyR]

Some appreciate an invitation, but never get around to reciprocating. "I've wanted to have you over, but we're just so busy." There are some families that appreciate an invitation and make an effort to return the friendship. These are in the minority, but they are out there. Over the years I've finally figured out that I will invest my time and effort into those families that appreciate and return the effort. I don't expect that each invitation will be met with a similar invitation back. However, I'm done with one-sided friendships.

 

I encourage you to avoid those who say they just don't have time. Fine. Find someone who does and don't waste efforts on those who aren't truly interested or motivated into forming new friendships.

 

After reading these boards, I've been interested to hear from those introverts that really aren't interested in pursing new friendships. That was a revelation to me that some people really don't need or want friends. Really, it's nothing personal towards you (or me). Certain people truly value and prioritize socializing more than others.

 

(If you invited me over, I'd invite you back...even if I had to drive awhile to get there.)

 

Yes, I've pretty much dropped those who don't have the time for us. Its been very frustrating. I enjoy socializing with others and my girls are social butterflies as well. They like having friends to play with. All of their friends go to the private school they are going to this fall.

 

The closest place we went to was the place where the moms told us they didn't drive out our way. So I will not go back there anymore.

The next closest place is 45 miles away. Which isn't so bad when school first starts but when winter hits where I live it hits HARD. We live in the snow belt and its nothing for us to get snow measured in feet. So during that time unless someone has a drs appointment or something important we try not to drive to the city when the weather gets bad.

[smrtmama]

:iagree:

I'm too politically conservative, religious, strict about behavior, academically-focused, etc. for many of the folks in the "inclusive" HS group. But I don't care for the judgmental attitude that many of the moms in the local group affiliated with my church have. I hate feeling like my commitment to my faith is called into question just because I "only" have 3 kids. Babies are blessings and I do hope to have a larger family some day but it's between us and God. I don't need to prove that I'm a Christian by the number and spacing of my kids...

 

And I have the opposite problem! I'm too liberal and nonreligious for the Christian homeschoolers (on the whole, of course there are exceptions), but many of the local secular homeschoolers are atheists of the "I'll mock anyone who has any faith at all" variety, which isn't my scene.

[cathmom]

Or maybe they are not socializing because they are afraid that they are being judged on their promptness...

 

:lol:

[hornblower]

Or maybe they are not socializing because they are afraid that they are being judged on their promptness...

 

:lol:

 

:smilielol5:

[Closeacademy]

I can empathize. Many homeschoolers value other things over playdates and friendships for their children like:

 

church--everything needs to be religious/Godly

 

education/structured--any activity they do has to be educational or have structure because free play is not good/leads to trouble

 

family--they socialize within the family

 

A lot of these families will tell you that they are too busy.

 

I found my solution by starting a playgroup with an extrovert friend. We advertise with the local homeschool group every week that we will be at the park at the same time every week. We met some nice moms that way who do value socialization and play.

 

Sorry about your experience.:grouphug:

[TX Bluebonnet]

We really are busy. My ds7 is in karate year round which means practice once a week & a tournament every other month. He is in soccer spring & fall. Practice is twice a week, game on Saturday plus occasional camps. Summer means swimming lessons four days a week. During the school year he has Art class Fri. morning.

 

My ds 22 months has Little Gym once a week.

 

We spend our weekends as a family, going to the lake, mini golf or just working around the house.

 

This does not leave a lot of time for school. I would like to meet with someone at the park on occasion. But I don't feel like I can sit and enjoy my visit while making sure my little one doesn't get hurt.

[Danestress]

I think I'd have a better time gnawing off my right arm then to get together with other homeschoolers.

 

To say that when asking why other people are anti-social, lol. I'm just kidding:)

 

I don't know how to answer your question. I think you sound like you would be a great HS group member, and it's a shame that you have felt like you never found the right people. I probably seem anti social to some people. I don't think I am, but I do feel like my children and husband take up the great bulk of my time, and I do need a lot of time to myself.

 

And at 42, I already have friends. I am not actively seeking new relationships. I am not closed to new relationships, and I think I am friendly especially when someone is "new" in my church or other places. But I am not really in need of new friends. I have lovely friends that I am lucky to see once a month outside of church, because I am pretty busy. I don't want to expand the circle of people that I feel guilty about not getting together with.

 

I actually quit my homeschool group because I felt like there are young Moms who maybe don't have social outlets who need the space more than I did.

[mirth]

My idea of being social is seeing you and your kids at the park on group park dates where we are free and leisurely. My idea of being tortured is being cooped up inside my house with a pack of kids under age 6 and an adult guest and not getting any housework or anything else done. (FWIW, I don't like being inside other people's houses for a long time either with a bunch of antsy young kids either)

 

My point is, I don't see myself as being anti-social whereas someone else might.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I think you mean unsocial. Antisocial people make active efforts to harm others. Murderers, serial thieves, rapists, these are the antisocial. Unsocial people avoid others. The busy, non-people-focused hermits, introverts, those are unsocial.

[rafiki]

.

[Daisy]

I find it difficult to break into the homeschool group also. I've always thought the reasons were...

 

1. They've known each other forever. Their kids have grown up together. They don't really *need* more friends.

 

2. I'm a rigorous home educator in a group of "better late, than early."

 

3. I'm the wife of a public school teacher. (Yes, I do think this is an issue sometimes).

 

4. I'm an introvert and feel like I break out in hives every time I have to make small talk (though I force myself to do it).

 

But perhaps it is a more common problem than I thought.

[Samiam]

I think to add the label "homeschoolers " is wrong. Why are some PEOPLE unsocial?

 

Personnally, my social needs have not changed, from when I worked full-time, and DS went to private school to now, when I don't work and HS my children.

 

Sometimes I feel like being around people, but mostly I don't. If our day is not jam-packed with outside activities, we are doing things at home, with our own family unit.

 

I would RARELY, ALMOST NEVER, invite someone to my house for a play date, because I a neurotic host, have to have my house spotless, etc etc...and so I just don't make the effort to invite. But I wouldn't mind coming to your house if you invited...that's your choice to invite me.

 

Frankly, I don't think it's wrong for someone to say they don't drive to your area...that's honesty. It was your choice to drive that far, they don't have to make the same choices...maybe they don't have the need for social interaction as much because that need is filled closer to home...doesn't mean they aren't social...maybe it means they don't have the $$ for gas, maybe they don't have the time in between activities..maybe their car isn't in that good of shape...maybe, maybe, maybe. You said they invited you to their house, yet you think they aren't social?!?

 

I think there may be a case of the grass is greener, to say that private/public school moms are more social. It's more that you are seeing them only in a social situation, and of course, their best foot is forward. Okay, so they were nice to you while you sat in the school lobby waiting for children, or at the PTA meeting, or whatever, but in the end they are still PEOPLE, and you will find some that are social and some that walk by you without a second look.

[Snickerdoodle]

the boys have major food allergies (those who deal with this can relate to the time this takes each week)

 

Seriously.

[Mommyof4ks]

We would hang out with you and your kiddos is you were close to us! We love making friends and making time for the kids to get together. Even during cancer treatment for my youngest and all of the precautions we had to take to keep him safe from germs we still got out nearly daily to meet with others for co-op, playdates, field trips, and on and on. We have a huge homeschooling pool here though, and all we have to do is go to the store or get gas for van and we run into another homeschool family and plans are made to get together. My dh and I are introverts, but we have two extrovert kiddos who need lots of time with lots of people. Go figure.

[Ellie]

Some people are just like that. :-/

 

We mostly didn't look for friends among other hsers (we didn't do co-ops back then, just support groups). My dds were active in 4-H, dance, marching band, church and other activities. Sometimes we had hs friends, but not always, and it just didn't matter to us.

[In The Great White North]

We did "playdates" when the dc were younger (lots younger) but we don't get together with anyone to just hang out.

 

The dc are in swimming (year round), crew (spring), track (spring), CAP (year round), Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, CCD, music lessons, band and I coach one swim team and help with another. They took one or two classes at the local high school (in the middle of the day:tongue_smilie:) and 7-8 more at home.

 

Social time has to happen in an already scheduled activity. If anything, we're too social and are short on family time.

Edited May 30, 2010 by In The Great White North

[elegantlion]

I like to be social, but I'm an introvert too and I don't like to instigate the invitation. I've given up trying around here because I'm tired of the "you're not from here" mentality I've run into TOO many times. I even had one homeschool mom basically say we couldn't socialize because I had a son, not a daughter. :confused:

 

When ds was younger it was easier because we could/did finish school and go play. Since I had one child and a small house I didn't mind traveling. Today the academics take longer and we start later in the morning. By the time I'm done with school dh may be headed home. It's harder to co-ordinate with other families.

 

Plus as ds grows I find our values are differing from other homeschool families. Ds is allowed a computer, TV, and a game system. He has a phone and an I-pod with Led Zepplin on it. Again when he was younger it was easier to find common play ground. Plus if we want to talk about schooling, I don't know of any other classical homeschoolers in my area.

[Red]

Sorry this didn't work out for your family. You have your reasons why you can't take it on. They each of their reasons why they can't come to each function, trip or meeting. I don't think that makes anyone anti-social, unsocial or stuck up. I do think classifying all or most homeschools as such is a tad harsh. Of course there are a few but I wouldn't let that ruin our homeschool experience. I would just find another group who could better meet the needs of our family.

Edited May 30, 2010 by Red

[Mynyel]

I can empathize. Many homeschoolers value other things over playdates and friendships for their children like:

 

church--everything needs to be religious/Godly

 

:iagree: Where I live the first thing people do is invite you to church. I am a believer in Jesus but I also happen to hate (yes hate) going to church. I don't go, I won't go and I don't like having to make excuses and then have people look at me sideways because I am "forsaking the assembly of the brethren" Bleh.

 

education/structured--any activity they do has to be educational or have structure because free play is not good/leads to trouble

 

I have seen this as well. Every outing is to a museum, historical site or what have you. I don't mind that but it isn't the end all.

 

family--they socialize within the family

 

I don't have a problem with that. I would do that too if my family was here.

 

A lot of these families will tell you that they are too busy.

 

There is that as well. I can say I am busy, usually I am..well at least busy with what I want to do! :)

 

I found my solution by starting a playgroup with an extrovert friend. We advertise with the local homeschool group every week that we will be at the park at the same time every week. We met some nice moms that way who do value socialization and play.

 

Sorry about your experience.:grouphug:

 

One problem I have found as well is the cliques that can form. I understand people gravitate towards each other but if you are going to invite someone to a play date or what have you at least make an effort to talk to them for longer than 10 minutes. I went to a play date once and was pretty much ignored after 15 minutes. The other moms there new each other (seems like for years) and I couldn't talk about when my kids did this with them or that with them.

 

Honestly I don't think that there is an ideal (thinking perfect) situation for everyone. There just can't be. People are dynamic, you have to deal with some kinks (as opposed to kooks! :tongue_smilie:).

 

I just want a mom that has kids close to my kids age that I can sit an have coffee or tea with and maybe have a moms night out where we go to dinner or shopping or something. That is the kind of socializing I like to do. :)

[Sara in AZ]

 

And at 42, I already have friends. I am not actively seeking new relationships. I am not closed to new relationships, and I think I am friendly especially when someone is "new" in my church or other places. But I am not really in need of new friends. I have lovely friends that I am lucky to see once a month outside of church, because I am pretty busy. I don't want to expand the circle of people that I feel guilty about not getting together with.

 

.

 

This describes me, too. I've been hesitant to join a big HS group for this very reason. It's important to me that my kids see other kids consistently, but I'm afraid of spreading myself too thin. Luckily I have a few good HS friends with kids similar ages to mine that we are able to get together with regularly.

[KristenS]

 

After reading these boards, I've been interested to hear from those introverts that really aren't interested in pursing new friendships. That was a revelation to me that some people really don't need or want friends. Really, it's nothing personal towards you (or me). Certain people truly value and prioritize socializing more than others.

 

 

I'm definitely an introvert. I would love new friendships, but I have health issues that prevent a lot of activities and travel. Plus the usual muddled schedule of lessons, scouts, church activities ... it is very hard for me to find a *mutual* time for playdates.

 

I am a member of a cover school that does many field trips and activities ... it's large enough that I don't feel I'm a burden on the group when we can't participate or help out, but it's also hard to get to know folks that way. I'm also a member of a playdate co-op ... due to the health issues, even though we've been members for about 5 or 6 years, I still don't know everyone's name! (I am also pretty bad with names in general.) I get embarrassed at having to ask names every time. Plus they all know each other from other activities, so they can more naturally cluster together to chat ... they are happy to include me, but I have to make the effort to sit there and join in, and that's very difficult.

 

Fortunately, I am blessed with friends who understand my issues and are willing to work with me, as I am willing to work with them in their circumstances. We've known each other since college, though, so there's a solid foundation beneath the homeschooling to keep us persevering.

 

I remember making the very difficult effort to attend a ladies' Bible study at my church one time, and one of the women spoke about how she'd had this realization that she needed to stop hanging around depressing people and only spend time with those who were uplifting. I know what she was getting at, but it just HURT to hear her words ... I was suffering severe depression and panic attacks at the time (am slightly better now) and just felt thrown to the wolves ... apparently those of us who struggle aren't worthy of being anyone's friend! It was also sad how many folks were nodding in agreement. (We won't go into the other times I've tried to connect with this group and been badly hurt in the process ... they are all wonderful women individually, but get them in a group and the potential for hurt and exclusion just multiplies exponentially! And none of them are homeschoolers. Half are teachers.)

 

There's a young lady at my church with a young daughter, who I am wanting to befriend. I think we have a lot in common, and I also think she could use a friend. But my inherent shyness combined with physical panic, and our very incompatible schedules ... it's been hard for us to arrange the playdate we both want to try. I hope I'm not hurting her by not being more prompt in my efforts ... but I am sure it does hurt some. And she's been through so much, and needs compassion too.

 

Just because people don't call, or can't drive to your end of town ... please don't write them off. Sometimes there's a really good reason for it. (And sometimes there's not ... that's when you write it off!)

 

I remember coming up with the kick-off party this past fall for our small co-op ... and then, due to where folks lived, it got relocated to just far enough away that I was physically incapable of attending. It was heartbreaking ... my own fun idea, snatched away so that we couldn't even attempt it. I hear they had a blast, though, and I was glad for that.

 

Anyway, that's one introvert's perspective. :) Take it for what it's worth. Obviously I'm a tad biased. :)

[Hedgehogs4]

i'm not stuck up or anti social...i just don't get together with groups that are formed solely on the basis of homeschooling. i have other friends that homeschool and we find that it is easier to keep the group small and close because it's so easy to get overcommitted to a million different things. we often find other people who join in with us for stuff, come and go as acquaintances, but the core of my friends remains the same. i would be one of those people that you think of as cliquish, slow to show to events, etc. i frankly just don't need them because i have a good circle of community and support that i've built for myself.

[TravelingChris]

I am an I but do go to social things if I am invited and I would reciprocate. I think a lot of people are too busy. I would like to be more social but I just am not. I talk to only a few people at church, a few people in co-op, a few people at swim and dive, etc. WHat I really need to do is find a book club. That is where I usually feel most at home. I was in two in Florida but have been without any for almost 18 months. I need to find one.

[Impish]

I think you mean unsocial. Antisocial people make active efforts to harm others. Murderers, serial thieves, rapists, these are the antisocial. Unsocial people avoid others. The busy, non-people-focused hermits, introverts, those are unsocial.

Thank you :lol:

 

For me, leaving the house at all is draining. Having RSD means that being in public = potential to be brushed/bumped into rises dramatically, and its exhausting to be on my guard every.single.moment I'm out of the house.

 

That, and its also exhausting to explain about RSD time and again. To remind ppl. To have ppl watching you, staring, trying to figure out whats not-quite-right about you until it clicks that I don't use my right arm/hand. To try and stay out of touching distance without seeming rude, stuck up, cold. To explain that making plans is one thing, but *keeping* them is a complete unknown, cannot be guaranteed at all. I don't know two hours from now how I'll feel, let alone two weeks from Tuesday. And cancel plans more than once, and folks get offended.

 

Thats why I try to find classes, etc for Diva on the wknds or evenings. That way Wolf can take her, without question, and its not at all dependent on how *I* feel...or worrying about 'foisting' her off on another parent for transportation.

 

SpecialMama is my best friend. She totally gets me, and RSD to boot. She's seen me almost pass out in Walmart...once from pain, once from an increase in meds. She's watchful of me in so many ways...being my 'wingman', and walking/protecting my right side, watching how I'm doing in all the little ways that you just get to know a person. Next to Wolf, she's the person in my life that most *gets* it. Even with her, I can't commit to plans, because I could end up in bed, completely sidelined at any given moment, depending on the weather, or tripping and falling, etc.

 

But...its a burden. I know she does what she does out of love, but how I *wish* it wasn't needed. That we could just go out, and her not having to be on her guard.

 

As much as I love her for it (and I do!) the idea of investing that kind of trust in another person is just beyond me. The idea of putting that kind of weight on another person...I wouldn't do it willingly, or intentionally. I hate that. There are two other women I know that I'm sure I could get to be good friends with...but I can't bring myself to take that step...nothing at all to do with them, they're lovely people, but everything to do with me and my disability.

 

So am I unsocial? Not at heart. I'd love to be and do as I used to, but recognize my very real limitations...physically and emotionally.

 

I'm grateful for being online. The ability to make friends without the 'weight' that comes with this disability, for them or myself is a God send.

 

Plus, I met SpecialMama through our city group ;)

[nmoira]

I think a lot of homeschool moms are "I" on the Myers Briggs tests.

Waving. From a distance. And behind the bushes.

[TracyR]

I think to add the label "homeschoolers " is wrong. Why are some PEOPLE unsocial?

 

Personnally, my social needs have not changed, from when I worked full-time, and DS went to private school to now, when I don't work and HS my children.

 

Sometimes I feel like being around people, but mostly I don't. If our day is not jam-packed with outside activities, we are doing things at home, with our own family unit.

 

I would RARELY, ALMOST NEVER, invite someone to my house for a play date, because I a neurotic host, have to have my house spotless, etc etc...and so I just don't make the effort to invite. But I wouldn't mind coming to your house if you invited...that's your choice to invite me.

 

Frankly, I don't think it's wrong for someone to say they don't drive to your area...that's honesty. It was your choice to drive that far, they don't have to make the same choices...maybe they don't have the need for social interaction as much because that need is filled closer to home...doesn't mean they aren't social...maybe it means they don't have the $$ for gas, maybe they don't have the time in between activities..maybe their car isn't in that good of shape...maybe, maybe, maybe. You said they invited you to their house, yet you think they aren't social?!?

 

I think there may be a case of the grass is greener, to say that private/public school moms are more social. It's more that you are seeing them only in a social situation, and of course, their best foot is forward. Okay, so they were nice to you while you sat in the school lobby waiting for children, or at the PTA meeting, or whatever, but in the end they are still PEOPLE, and you will find some that are social and some that walk by you without a second look.

 

No, we were never invited by them either to their house or otherwise. But we came to their co-op because it was the cloest one to our home (20 miles away). At first my girls made friends with their kids and I tried to get the kids together. They just weren't interested. In the end their kids turned and started ignoring my girls so we eventually left the co-op. We were pretty much ignored there anyways.

[TracyR]

Thank you :lol:

 

For me, leaving the house at all is draining. Having RSD means that being in public = potential to be brushed/bumped into rises dramatically, and its exhausting to be on my guard every.single.moment I'm out of the house.

 

That, and its also exhausting to explain about RSD time and again. To remind ppl. To have ppl watching you, staring, trying to figure out whats not-quite-right about you until it clicks that I don't use my right arm/hand. To try and stay out of touching distance without seeming rude, stuck up, cold. To explain that making plans is one thing, but *keeping* them is a complete unknown, cannot be guaranteed at all. I don't know two hours from now how I'll feel, let alone two weeks from Tuesday. And cancel plans more than once, and folks get offended.

 

Thats why I try to find classes, etc for Diva on the wknds or evenings. That way Wolf can take her, without question, and its not at all dependent on how *I* feel...or worrying about 'foisting' her off on another parent for transportation.

 

SpecialMama is my best friend. She totally gets me, and RSD to boot. She's seen me almost pass out in Walmart...once from pain, once from an increase in meds. She's watchful of me in so many ways...being my 'wingman', and walking/protecting my right side, watching how I'm doing in all the little ways that you just get to know a person. Next to Wolf, she's the person in my life that most *gets* it. Even with her, I can't commit to plans, because I could end up in bed, completely sidelined at any given moment, depending on the weather, or tripping and falling, etc.

 

But...its a burden. I know she does what she does out of love, but how I *wish* it wasn't needed. That we could just go out, and her not having to be on her guard.

 

As much as I love her for it (and I do!) the idea of investing that kind of trust in another person is just beyond me. The idea of putting that kind of weight on another person...I wouldn't do it willingly, or intentionally. I hate that. There are two other women I know that I'm sure I could get to be good friends with...but I can't bring myself to take that step...nothing at all to do with them, they're lovely people, but everything to do with me and my disability.

 

So am I unsocial? Not at heart. I'd love to be and do as I used to, but recognize my very real limitations...physically and emotionally.

 

I'm grateful for being online. The ability to make friends without the 'weight' that comes with this disability, for them or myself is a God send.

 

Plus, I met SpecialMama through our city group ;)

 

 

 

Sending hugs your way. I feel ya. I really do. I have hypothyroidism that seems to be very difficult to control lately. It takes everything I have and each and everyday on how I feel is an unknown. Most times I have to push myself out the door.

I too wish I could feel the way I used to. I really do because its so hard for me being the social bug that I am :D

[TracyR]

We would hang out with you and your kiddos is you were close to us! We love making friends and making time for the kids to get together. Even during cancer treatment for my youngest and all of the precautions we had to take to keep him safe from germs we still got out nearly daily to meet with others for co-op, playdates, field trips, and on and on. We have a huge homeschooling pool here though, and all we have to do is go to the store or get gas for van and we run into another homeschool family and plans are made to get together. My dh and I are introverts, but we have two extrovert kiddos who need lots of time with lots of people. Go figure.

 

Aww. Thanks. I know what you mean. I have an almost 4yr old that was born with health problems. We too need to limit exposure. but having all girls that are extroverts they want to be around other kids to play and have fun. Its nice that they have their friends that go to brick and mortar school but they always felt strange because they could never relate to not like learning or the other things that come from kids that come from brick and mortar school. I think they craved being around other kids that were like them.

 

I always try to find time to just have the kids play. Trust me I'm as busy as the next person. My girls do swimming , karate, gymnastics, soccer, Missoula Theater... etc.. We even found time to go to our cyberschool's co-op too when the weather was good.

I have four to homeschool and somehow, someway I'm willing to stop for just one day to go to a park, sit at the Y and talk with someone. I even find time to go to a special needs meeting held by a mom of 2 austisic boys ( she and I are the whole group!)

We've done the millions of doctors appointments, we even have to travel to Cincinnati for medical care for my daughter in a couple of weeks.

 

Yet last week I took one day and managed to find one mom to go to the park with, and sit and let my girls just play. They homeschool too but are in the transition of moving away so its probably going to be the first and last time we ever do that.

 

I guess my point of this whole post is for everyone to look back and see what it is they do. To stop and smell the roses because you know what? Life is passing you by.

We can homeschool, take our kids to a million activites but in the end what about caring about other people? What happened to that? Somewhere along the way caring about your fellow man has disappeared.

I even have health problems yet visiting with someone for a little bit helps me feel just a little bit better. If I'm sitting here at home I feel horrible, and I think just for a little bit visiting with someone must help take my mind off of how I feel.

 

Things aren't like they used to be when I was a kid. I remember things like block parties and families getting together for picnics and so forth. Not anymore.

People don't even come and visit us at our home. If we do manage my girls get so excited and don't know what to do with themselves. Its sad really.

Edited May 31, 2010 by TracyR

[Impish]

Sending hugs your way. I feel ya. I really do. I have hypothyroidism that seems to be very difficult to control lately. It takes everything I have and each and everyday on how I feel is an unknown. Most times I have to push myself out the door.

I too wish I could feel the way I used to. I really do because its so hard for me being the social bug that I am :D

I also have hypothyroidism. Believe me when I say that RSD makes thyroid issues, as hard as they can be, seem like a minor itch on the back of your knee. I literally cannot do anything beyond be in bed...thinking is impossible when the red haze of pain fills my head.

 

Pain never stops. Its always. Constant. Every.single.moment. Only the degree gets more severe.

 

I'm not being flippant, so please don't take it that way. To give you an idea, on the McGill pain scale, RSD rates worse than losing a digit. It really is just beyond.

 

Not saying this for sympathy, but just an attempt to explain. Very few ppl know of RSD at all.

[LibraryLover]

I think there may be some 'less social' people in our yahoo group, as the yahoo group is pretty large, but a much smaller percentage of folks show up any given event. It's pretty nice, as we can pick and choose events without any pressure whatsoever.

 

The hsers I know are not anti- social. If anything, they are hyper-social! I sometimes wish they were less social or less interested in hosting events. They always plan neat things and I always think we should go. ;)

 

I could be nominated as the least-social member of our core group. There is something planned nearly every day of the month. Nobody is expected to attend every event (it's not a coop). People list events, ideas etc., and then invite folks. It's totally relaxed and open, but anti-social they are not!

Edited May 31, 2010 by LibraryLover

[TracyR]

I also have hypothyroidism. Believe me when I say that RSD makes thyroid issues, as hard as they can be, seem like a minor itch on the back of your knee. I literally cannot do anything beyond be in bed...thinking is impossible when the red haze of pain fills my head.

 

Pain never stops. Its always. Constant. Every.single.moment. Only the degree gets more severe.

 

I'm not being flippant, so please don't take it that way. To give you an idea, on the McGill pain scale, RSD rates worse than losing a digit. It really is just beyond.

 

Not saying this for sympathy, but just an attempt to explain. Very few ppl know of RSD at all.

 

What is RSD? I don't think I've heard of that? I've been having a host of problems that blood work doesn't seem to explain lately. My symptoms are always different each day. I may get one or two (if lucky) good days. The rest I really suffer through.

Is RSD related to thyroid issues?

[Crimson Wife]

What is RSD? I don't think I've heard of that? I've been having a host of problems that blood work doesn't seem to explain lately. My symptoms are always different each day. I may get one or two (if lucky) good days. The rest I really suffer through.

Is RSD related to thyroid issues?

 

I Googled it because the first thing that came to mind (repetitive stress disorder) isn't as serious as what it sounded like Impish meant. I presume she means Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy which sounds dreadful. :grouphug:

[KathyBC]

We do not seem to spend a lot of time with people that we know only through homeschooling. I wonder if it's different for us because we live rurally? We've made friends through community activities mostly: at hockey, book club, gymnastics, youth group, girl guides, etc. We hang out with family or neighbours mostly. While I wouldn't describe us as anti-social, I wouldn't say we spend a lot of time with friends, anyway.

 

Loneliness is a legitimate complaint, particularly in teenagers. Although I can remember as a teenager being run off my feet with with high school and youth group activities and still feeling completely alone at times.

 

My vote would have to be that homeschoolers in general are *not* stuck up and weird, though. Just that some of us need less social interaction than others, is as far as I'm willing to concede. :D

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I could have written your post. While I haven't pulled the HSing plug but if things don't turn around the following year they will go to school. I just shelled out $2000 (shiiping about killed me) for our fall curriculum and am not about to turn back this year.

I have no advice but to say you are not alone.