Do you expect to be invited to your minister's house? Long

[Chris in VA]

The potluck thread got me thinking. We are asked to dinner as a clergy couple a few times a year. Our church has dinner groups--6-8 couples and singles get together in each group, rotating the hosts. We are always invited to one particular host's home--the group may change, but that couple always invites us to participate in whatever dinner group they are in, when it's at their house.

We also are given tickets every year to the Mt. Vernon Birthnight Ball, and sit with the same table (different than the dinner group above).

 

We have had a lot of turmoil in our home these past few years, but I'm also rather domestically challenged, and dinner parties give me hives. The thought of hosting one, rather--except for very, very close friends. We do have a Super Bowl party every Feb for the kids in the parish youth groups--about 40 show up, including advisors and sometimes a few parents. Beyond that, we don't do open houses or anything. Oh, and once a year my husband's Rector's group comes over for coffee and their meeting.

 

We live in a rectory on church property.

 

So, my question is, am I being remiss by not hosting something at our home for our congregants? I mean the people I don't know well who count dh as their pastor but are not personal friends (that would be about 400 people out of 410! lol) Honestly, it's not decorated or anything--most rooms don't have a lot of furniture b/c the house is too big for us--there's nothing to "show off" if you know what I mean. It's not a pretty inside house--I think I'm worried about being judged. But I'm feeling guilty.

 

What do you expect from your minister's wife or family re: being invited to dinner at their house?

[Chris in VA]

Realizing many who might answer are probably at church about now...:D

(I'm playing hooky.)

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I don't expect to be invited by my minister just because he is my minister. I do, however, love to go to dinner at a friend's house.

 

Since these people are reaching out to you all, just having them to dinner would be a nice gesture. It sounds like they are trying to establish a friendship on some level. I also think that a nice thank-you type dinner for those who sit on the deacon board and their wives is a nice thing. It maybe could be just a casual dinner and not a big deal, but, it would let them know you appreciate them. My mom and dad will even sometimes do this at a restaurant in a private room with a buffet-type meal.

 

Anyway, I understand your aversion to dinner parties! It doesn't have to be a big deal and you can even do it outside the home if you'd be more comfortable.

[Whereneverever]

Can I answer? I'm a pastor's wife- playing hooky this am as well (it's -30F and my kids are sick).

I think a lot of it is regional- when we've been other places the pastors hosted a lot, but up here it's more common to host something at the church. Do you help organize potlucks or anything there?

I think with the big Superbowl party that you are doing plenty- but I'm biased. :tongue_smilie:

[Macrina]

I would never expected to be invited to our priest's home. We invite him and his wife over a couple times a year or more, but I would never expect to go there unless we became close personal friends.

[dragons in the flower bed]

 

What do you expect from your minister's wife or family re: being invited to dinner at their house?

 

In the Christian culture in the rural community I was once part of, the attitude was, "Oh no, you, as a pastor's wife, have enough going on without hosting a dinner party too! You want to get together with us, we'll do the work." And we did. I'm certain I remember hearing this once or twice, seeing it many more times (where she started projects and they were lifted almost entirely out of her hands) and I am just as certain that's what everyone in those churches (a Baptist, two Brethren, a Mennonite, a Lutheran) would have said if this question came up at a ladies group there.

[Julie in CA]

We probably have our pastor and his wife over about once a month. I would never, ever expect that to be reciprocated.

 

(I'll be going to church at 10:00 this morning, and wouldn't have thought you'd skipped church, due to the time difference! :) )

[Ellie]

The short answer: No.

 

The long answer: Although it would be a nice gesture periodically for the pastor and spouse to have something like an open house--and I don't mean more often than, say, once a year--I wouldn't expect anything more than that. Christians are supposed to be hospitable, but pastors need to keep some boundaries.

[Daisy]

I don't expect it. Pastors seem so busy now-a-days. My pastor lives clear on the other side of town from our church. I guess I've just come to expect that they don't have the time. That SAID....

 

One of my greatest memories of childhood is the annual open house my parents would throw. I'm a preacher's kid. They only did it once a year and it was a blast. We baked lots of cookies and fudge and candies. They lived in the parsonage next to the church and just opened the doors for 4 hours. No huge decorating. There were too many people in the house anyway. We, kids, would hide under the food table and snitch buckeyes all evening, giggling the hours away. It was different back then. I think my Dad realized that being a pastor is more than just preaching & running a business.

 

Hubby is a preacher's kid also. His parents would go visiting. I can't even imagine how that would go over today, but they still do it. They call first but they just stop by for a 30 minute visit and they rotate through the congregation. I LOVE THAT! So sweet and old-fashioned.

 

So bottom line. I think it is nice. We've been at our church for 2 years now and because our pastor's wife goes to second service, I've never even talked to her. I wouldn't want to go over to her house and be the only couple there. I would be terrified but it would be nice to be "known" by my pastor's wife. I don't invite them to MY house because I figure they are too busy.

[Chris in VA]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

[Daisy]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

 

I think it sounds fun and not so intimidating!

 

I'd have to figure out what to do with my children though if only the women were invited. That might be a problem.

 

Hah, Can you have a good friend come and help you host? Might make you feel less scared? If not a good friend, ask the lady in the church who never shuts up. She'll know what to do. :lol:

[Chris in VA]

I

I'd have to figure out what to do with my children though if only the women were invited. That might be a problem.

 

That's why I was thinking early and late might work--before hubby leaves for work kinda thing for those who have littles at home or are homeschooling.

 

Hah, Can you have a good friend come and help you host? Might make you feel less scared?

Yes, I could do that--

 

If not a good friend, ask the lady in the church who never shuts up. She'll know what to do. :lol:

 

Well, that would be me hahaha

:D

[Daisy]

Well, that would be me hahaha

 

ROFLOL! :lol:

[Punks in Ontario]

No. I love my pastors and thier wives, but they are so busy with hosting events at the church, and Bible studies that I would have a hard time imagining them hosting in their homes as well. We have them out from time to time and see them lots in between.

 

I'm home this morning due to a lovely snowstorm and the serpentine belt slipping off in a snowdrift.

[WishboneDawn]

No.

 

The fact that you live in the rectory should change nothing or, if anything, make you more determined not to feel obligated about hosting stuff. The rectory is your private home and your family's retreat from all the church obligations. Definitely don't start any precedent where you're obligated to do something extra because you're living there. Some people in a congregation will feel entitled to abuse that because it's "their' rectory.

 

Or so I've heard from a few minister friends anyway. :)

[Chris in VA]

No. I love my pastors and thier wives, but they are so busy with hosting events at the church, and Bible studies that I would have a hard time imagining them hosting in their homes as well. We have them out from time to time and see them lots in between.

 

Well, I have done a few Bible studies (Beth Moore) at church, but I'm such a slacker in the Pastor's wife dept. I don't go to the guilds, I don't teach Sunday School (I'm listed as the "Sub of Last Resort"...), and I don't do Altar Guild. I don't comment on the flower arranging anymore because someone once said, "Oh, wouldn't you love to do that?" (No.)

 

But I go to church most of the time, I attend my husband's Adult Sun Sch classes, and I contribute to the potlucks--just a regular ol' parishoner, most of the time.

[SonshineLearner]

I think it would be a lovely show of hospitality and follow the "Christian Classical" modeling, therefore encouraging THEM to follow your example with others. I feel embarrassed about our floors and all of the unfinished spots in our house,and so I understand not wanting to make your house a place of "always ready to entertain".

If I were you, I would think about decorating a spot/the eating area of your church and invite perhaps two couples at a time... to your Church Building. It would give you a spot to go... perhaps another kitchen to use. I would do the main part, and ask one of them to bring a salad and one a dessert... or something like that.

Then.. you could have a Sunday School room set up for a movie for the children... or a play area...

 

Carrie:-)

[gardening momma]

I'm a pastor's kid--the church we were at when I was in 7th-12th grade (and a few years beyond) was on the small side--about 100 people in the Sunday morning service. We lived in the church parsonage across the street from the church, and for several years my parents regularly had an informal adult fellowship at our house most Sunday evenings after the evening service. As an older teenager, and then later as a young adult I hung around and/or participated.

 

I'm in a larger church now (650-800 on most Sunday mornings), and I miss that kind of fellowship, but I wouldn't expect it from the pastor & his wife. I assume they do have people over to their house, but probably closer acquaintances than we are.

[Tap]

I wouldn't anticipate a personal invitation into thier home, unless I was a personal friend. And then, while it would be a pleasure, it would never be expected.

 

I have a problem with people who think that pastors'/priests'/ministers'/leaders' off time belongs to anyone but themselves and their families.

 

I have a friend whose dh is pastor and she is an active leader in their church. It was just the two of them so they moved out of the rectory, and instead took a stipend to pay the rent on a smaller house. They did this under the guise of 'the rectory was too big, and could be rented for more money than the rent on a much smaller house'. But, One of the Huge reasons they decided to do this, was similar issues of people feeling it was okay to impose on them at the rectory (they did live there for a while).

 

 

ETA: I like the Mug and Muffin idea but would be more inclined to go on a Saturday morning, at maybe 8-11am. Weekdays are crazy for me and to get everyone up and going an hour early so I could drive and visit for a few minutes wouldn't happen. Dh wouldn't like having to watch the kids in the morning when he is trying to get ready for work and heading out the door himself. I think for most families, weekday mornings are a very set routine, and most families wouldn't disrupt that routine casually. The weekday idea would be nice for parents who don't have children or have all the kids in public school, if they could come after they drop off the kids at school. Depending on what time your ps school starts there, 6-9am may be ending too early for them. I know a lot of my ps mom freinds don't get dressed or shower until the kids leave for school.

Edited January 3, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[Liz CA]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

 

Sounds great to me. I like that "Mug & Muffin" slogan. And perhaps if you do things on a smaller scale (less fussing about food) you will be much more comfortable and have more time for visitors.

[elegantlion]

No, I do not expect an invitation to the pastor's home. Our last church had several pastors on staff and we were friends with a few of them. We visited their homes on a friendship basis, not because they were pastors. The lead pastor's wife was a beautiful hostess and had a lovely home but never hosted a church function at her home. She was a homeschooling mother and in our denomination she was expected to be a good wife, mother, and support for her husband, not doing ministry duties herself. She was a private person as well and most people respected that.

 

We had women's ministry that ran most ladies' events and they were all held at the church itself.

[lionfamily1999]

I would be completely surprised if we were invited to the Pastor's house for dinner (and then terrified, lest my children should prove impossible).

 

I think the brunch idea you posted sounds very nice. I doubt that anyone would not show. I mean, for me, that would be like standing up an angel... you're the pastor's wife.

 

If you wanted a book with tons of helpful advice Miss Manners' Basic Training, Eating will have everything you need to know :)

[Cricket]

Another PK here. My dad was the pastor of a small country church. We were invited over to other people's homes frequently. Sometimes we would have others over for Sunday dinner but it was usually a guest pastor who spoke that day or visitors. One bachelor farmer would drive a long way to come to church so he was a frequent guest. After lunch, he and my dad would sit in recliners in the living room and fall asleep. :lol: We had a lot of potlucks and fellowship time at the church. Some members in the church had large houses and plenty of property. We would have Christmas parties and Sunday school picnics and get-togethers at those houses.

[Garga]

Secretly I long for the olden days where the pastor or priest would go on rounds and personally visit his parishioners. But I don't know if anyone ever did that for real, or just in the books. (Someone else posted that they knew someone who did in the olden days.)

 

In today's world, we just don't do that. (Which is really a shame.)

 

I currently attend a church with about 1,200 people. Certainly the pastor can't go on rounds or invite everyone over...except that when his wife turned 50 this year, that's exactly what he did. As a surprise to his wife. (Imagine the surprise--"Oh, honey, I invited 1,200 people to our house today!") He stayed up the night before the party and cleaned. At breakfast he gave her the news, and then about 2 hours before the party a couple of church people came to help set up cake/chairs.

 

They had an open house for about 4 or 5 hours and everyone could come or not and stay for as long as they liked. It was pretty much standing room only and people stayed about a half hour, chit-chatted, and then left.

 

They served birthday cake (lady at the church made it as a gift to them), chips and soda.

 

If the church had less than 100 people in it, then I have to say, I would expect that sometime in my years of attending a church, I'd want some sort of invitation to something with the pastor. Be it at their house with a group, or at the church with a group. But once there are over 100 people, then that's just not do-able.

 

Our church has 6 pastors (prayer pastor, music pastor, children's pastor, youth pastor, head pastor, pastor of the school.) Dh and I have invited all but 2 of them to our house for dinner. For the senior pastor, we invited him and his wife to lunch at a local chinese restaurant. The pastor said it was perfect. We only met for an hour or so, just to know each other a little better. (I went to this 1200 member church coming from a church with literally 10 members. Big difference!!!) The rest of the pastors came to our house for dinner.

 

None of them have reciprocated and I don't expect them to. However, I was surprised to learn that they don't get many offers for dinner. I was sure that everyone was inviting them all the time, but of the 6 pastors, that's just not true. They don't get invited a lot. They all seemed so pleased and touched that we invited them to dinner.

 

ANd when the pastor's wife had a bad back injury, I offered to clean her house for her. I was 7 months pregnant, and was sure that gobs of women were offering her help, but it didn't seem that way. She let me come and clean her bathrooms. And another time when she was sick, I took soup to her. But I don't expect to be friends with her. I just feel that the parishioners should be helping out with stuff like that. I don't think that many of them do, but we all assume everyone else is.

 

This is waaay too long.

Edited January 3, 2010 by Garga

[MariannNOVA]

Hi, Chris: I love the mug and muffin idea....I did that when I taught second grade and I think when I taught pre-school -- that way parents who weren't able to attend 'during the day' functions, had an opportunity to pop in, see our classroom, have a taste of some goodie or another, and visit. I did it every 6 weeks or so and it was a hit.

 

DH is a PK - my MIL did not 'entertain.' I don't think anyone expected her to, either. FIL's schedule was so full, and she was taking care of three chidlren, attending service and Bible Study and Sunday School.......she was not inclined to entertain (and she would have been scared to death - she is incredibly competent in the kitchen but not comfortable in those situations).

 

That being said, I think it is lovely if you feel led to open your home and make such a lovely gesture to the women in your congregation. PM me - I would love to be in the background and help you out in any way I can -- living in the hotel has really thrown a wrench into my love of entertaining.

[i.love.lucy]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

 

 

ETA: I like the Mug and Muffin idea but would be more inclined to go on a Saturday morning, at maybe 8-11am. Weekdays are crazy for me and to get everyone up and going an hour early so I could drive and visit for a few minutes wouldn't happen. Dh wouldn't like having to watch the kids in the morning when he is trying to get ready for work and heading out the door himself. I think for most families, weekday mornings are a very set routine, and most families wouldn't disrupt that routine casually. The weekday idea would be nice for parents who don't have children or have all the kids in public school, if they could come after they drop off the kids at school. Depending on what time your ps school starts there, 6-9am may be ending too early for them. I know a lot of my ps mom freinds don't get dressed or shower until the kids leave for school.

I think your idea of a "Mug and Muffin" is terrific and a LOT less pressure than dinner. And it's appropriate for the pastor's wife to entertain the women of the church.

 

But I do agree with Tap that it seems like a Saturday morning would be better. My DH would stay with the kids on a weekday, but he wouldn't be happy with the wrench in his routine, and honestly I'd feel rushed (he leaves by 7:30). If it was a Saturday, he and the kids could sleep in and have their lazy morning and I could enjoy visiting without feeling rushed.

 

It's funny that you posted this today as I just saw an invitation in today's bulletin that our pastor's wife is hosting a cookie exchange in January for women of the church. She's doing it on a Friday night between 6-8. And I noticed that the RSVP was to someone else, so she has help. I am thinking I will go, not to scope out her home, but to meet some women as we just joined the church in December and don't really know anyone yet. I'd be going to see the other women, not to scrutinize her decorating!!

 

I think you should do it if you truly want to, not because you feel obligated. You are doing enough as your dh's supporter in his ministry!

[mom2jjka]

No, but our church has over 1200 members. I'm just happy that our pastor remembers our names.

[Starr]

Chris you do the most for the church. You make a home for their priest! :D Watch out for that Mug and Muffins, it could be a real hit. I think it sounds fun. There will always be some folks who can't make it no matter what time it is.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I wouldn't expect such an invitation any more than I expect one from the pediatrician.

 

I do think the mug and muffin sounds great.

 

If you feel you need to participate with the ladies more perhaps you could host an even on Sundays or work with a group at church. Even just special projects like dying Easter eggs or making wreaths. A group event like a mother/daughter dinner at the church can be fun. Perhaps "hosting" events like that, outside of your home, might fulfill any obligation and be fun too.

[justamouse]

Biting my nails while I type here, it's been a long time since I stepped in any sort of institutional church. But fear of entertaining? I have it in SPADES. To the point of giving myself bouts of colitis over having people visit and dine.

 

I'm not the Pastor's Wife, but I'm the Boss' Wife and that has entertaining responsibilities all its own, but my biggest lessons came from my neighbors.

 

The more you do it the less scary it is. I know this is true.

 

When I got to my neighborhood I didn't entertain at all. But you see, I have these sweet loving neighbors who 'drop in' and at first I hated it and resented it and even hid, but now? I love it. It took me years to get used to it, but I allowed God to change my heart about entertaining these women because I knew it was something I needed to learn to be his wife. Christians were known by their hospitality and boy was that character trait not in me. But I firmly believe that God brought these women into my life to teach me how to be hospitable, the joy of entertaining and how people really aren't stopping by to judge your house, but to befriend YOU. They are now dear friends, sisters even. They lift my faith, encourage me with my children and give me a shoulder when I need. They have enriched my life in ways that I never knew possible and to my family, who is without a support system, they are extended family.

 

If you want to take small steps do it on your terms. Host an open house for such and such hours and only make a few things. The Mug and Muffin thing is a great start. Now I love entertaining. I still get anxious, but I remember that it's always so much more fun than I get myself worked up over.

[Erica in OR]

DH is pastor of two churches. When we moved to the parish and purchased our own home, we did a summer barbecue for the churches (~100 or fewer members total, and not all came) to serve as a "come see our new place" and get-together. We provided grilled meat, beverages, and table service, and everyone brought a potluck dish. We all had a great time, and have continued it for the three summers after, so far. Aside from that, we've only hosted a cookie exchange night, and a "decompress session" after our one-day Christmas Vacation Bible School. Every once in awhile, I think about doing a dinner rotation, inviting two or three couples for supper at a time so we invite everyone in a year. Then I'm exhausted just thinking about it and set the idea aside. :)

 

DH did spent the last 1-2 years making a home visit to every family in the congregation, so it's not just an "olden day" thing.

 

Erica in OR

[nandmsmom]

I'm not a pastor's wife but am a pastor's daughter. Growing up we were invited to people's houses, but rarely had people to our house. It's more than a full time job and most people know that and don't expect you to invite them over. Everyone needs a break. Friends are one thing, parishioners are quite another.

[Holly IN]

I do not expect it at all. I do love to go to people's homes for dinner but do not expect it at all. :) I would rather be invited because you want me there not because you feel obligated. kwim?

 

I wouldn't worry about it. :)

 

Holly

[PeterPan]

Not everyone is an extrovert and overflows with joy at the thought of people coming over. I don't see why you're even guilt-tripping yourself about this. I've known introvert pastor wives that didn't host large groups in their home and extrovert wives that did. I do think it might be nice if y'all got invited to ALL the dinner groups, simply so you could get to know ALL the people of the church and form relationships. Besides, it's free date night, hehe.

 

Are there small group relationships you'd feel more comfortable having over? I'd find your own niche in how you like to reach out to people.

[H.S. Burrow]

What do you expect from your minister's wife or family re: being invited to dinner at their house?

 

 

I don't expect an invitation. :)

 

I haven't read all of the replies, but a minister is "on call" all the time. I believe that is wonderful on the part of the congregation members to invite their ministers to dinner - particularly for group events. I do not believe congregations should expect their ministers to cook dinner for them.

 

Even if I invited our minister & his family over to dinner, I would not *expect* my minister to accept every invitation. I'm pretty sure that they get so many invites that they're rarely home alone.

 

Ministers need family time too....away from their congregation.

Edited January 3, 2010 by H.S. Burrow
spelling

[specialmama]

I agree that congregants do not expect it. You are busy being the lady behind the leader. Also, think of this: hospitality is often considered a spiritual gift. We don't all have it naturally. We are thankful for those that do, and we let them do it! :grouphug:

[Sunshine State Sue]

So, my question is, am I being remiss by not hosting something at our home for our congregants?

My husband, the minister of 5.5yrs, is an introvert. When he first took this church, we hosted a dinner for the key leaders in the church. We hosted the first 2 board Christmas parties. We haven't hosted anything since. My husband, the introvert, has a string of excuses a mile wide. *I* feel remiss, but only to the board, not the entire congregation. But, maybe your church doesn't have a board?

 

I think your idea of mug and muffin is lovely, and I may borrow it. That way, my husband, the introvert, doesn't have to participate except to remove himself and the teenager from the premises. He would probably be so horrified that congregants would be viewing our house (which is not on church property), that he would willingly clean beforehand. ;)

 

What do you expect from your minister's wife or family re: being invited to dinner at their house?

Before I became a minister's wife, I never expected to be invited to the minister's house. We were invited several times because dh was on the board for several years.

 

I will say that dh's tiny salary sans benefits isn't enough to buy my time as well. I have to work to provide the lion's share of our income and all our benefits. With work and hs'ing, I don't have time to entertain our congregation. But, perhaps your dh has a better salary.

[Brigitte]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

 

I think that is a great idea, but what about on a Saturday morning from 8 to 10 am when the husbands are home to watch the littles and the moms might not feel rushed?

 

To answer your original question, no, I don't feel like my priest needs to reciprocate for the times we have had him over, nor do I feel like he needs to entertain the parish. However, he does usually have a party at the rectory once a year. He provides the drinks and various parishioners bring finger foods and desserts. Everyone has a good time and he is not expected to slave away in the kitchen.

[tex-mex]

Depends on the relationship -- hubby was on the board with one church and got invited often (with us) for dinners. One huge megachurch we knew the pastor well -- but it got too much with many others trying to vie for his attention -- we didn't want to play that game and one associate pastor we hung out with and were close friends. Now the current "home" church we attend has 30-40 people attend the Pastor's home every Saturday night and we do a potluck weekly after the service. Folks stay late and fellowship 'til 2am. But the Pastor and his wife LOVE having people over.

 

Do what is best for you. I've known Pastor's wives who jump in and help organize the social "vibe" and others who barely do anything. It is different for everyone's comfort sytle, kwim? HTH

Edited January 3, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

I don't expect to be invited by my minister just because he is my minister. I do, however, love to go to dinner at a friend's house.

 

Since these people are reaching out to you all, just having them to dinner would be a nice gesture. It sounds like they are trying to establish a friendship on some level. I also think that a nice thank-you type dinner for those who sit on the deacon board and their wives is a nice thing. It maybe could be just a casual dinner and not a big deal, but, it would let them know you appreciate them. My mom and dad will even sometimes do this at a restaurant in a private room with a buffet-type meal.

 

Anyway, I understand your aversion to dinner parties! It doesn't have to be a big deal and you can even do it outside the home if you'd be more comfortable.

 

We did this once at a tiny church (bare bones budget) with a potluck and white elephant gift exchange. It was in one of the church Sunday School Rooms decorated to look like Christmas. It was very fun! Board members, volunteers, and staff were all invited.

[tex-mex]

I don't expect it. Pastors seem so busy now-a-days. My pastor lives clear on the other side of town from our church. I guess I've just come to expect that they don't have the time. That SAID....

 

One of my greatest memories of childhood is the annual open house my parents would throw. I'm a preacher's kid. They only did it once a year and it was a blast. We baked lots of cookies and fudge and candies. They lived in the parsonage next to the church and just opened the doors for 4 hours. No huge decorating. There were too many people in the house anyway. We, kids, would hide under the food table and snitch buckeyes all evening, giggling the hours away. It was different back then. I think my Dad realized that being a pastor is more than just preaching & running a business.

 

Hubby is a preacher's kid also. His parents would go visiting. I can't even imagine how that would go over today, but they still do it. They call first but they just stop by for a 30 minute visit and they rotate through the congregation. I LOVE THAT! So sweet and old-fashioned.

 

So bottom line. I think it is nice. We've been at our church for 2 years now and because our pastor's wife goes to second service, I've never even talked to her. I wouldn't want to go over to her house and be the only couple there. I would be terrified but it would be nice to be "known" by my pastor's wife. I don't invite them to MY house because I figure they are too busy.

 

This is what I am used to -- we've had 2 out of 4 Pastors like this in our 23 yrs of marriage. Our current Pastor is like this and simply calls up and asks how we are doing, asks us out to lunch, for a round of golf, or to go see a movie. Nothing fancy. Usually it is a fast food meal (lol). He makes us feel welcome and does reach out by opening up his home to us all. Mind you this is a small congregation of no more than 40 people. ;)

[tex-mex]

I'm considering a "mug and muffin" in February--early morning open house type thing, where I provide coffee, tea, and muffins, and invite women over from the hours of 7:00 am (to catch working gals on their way to DC) to 9am (for moms who put their kids on the bus or are homeschooling). What do you think? (I'm a little scared no one would show, and I would have to converse.)

 

Put on some background instrumental music... light some candles for ambiance... flowers (cheap) in a vase... and pretty plates. Just smile and get to know those who do show up. Small talk does wonders and makes others feel good. Just the gesture will be appreciated.

[gardening momma]

Even if I invited our minister & his family over to dinner, I would not *expect* my minister to accept every invitation.I'm pretty sure that they get so many invites that they're rarely home alone.

:lol: No (to the "so many invites").

 

:001_smile:

[FO4UR]

It's not expected, but a nice way to reach out if you feel led.

 

I'm a PW...and have lived in the parsonage as youth ministers' wife. One time we had an ice cream "social"....basically an open house after lunch on Sunday afternoon with lots of ice cream and toppings. It was fun and low-prep, low-key.

 

The "mug&muffin" thing sounds LOVELY and casual and like a good opportunity to really reach out to other ladies in the church. I wish I could come!:D

[mom2abcd]

I wouldn't expect to be invited to my pastor's house. I grew up in a ministry home and dh is in the ministry. One thing that I'm very cautious about (probably too much so) is offending people. Some people are very hurt if others are invited and not them. When this has happened, I've learned to be sure to reach out to the person with a little extra attention.

 

I like inviting the whole congregation/board/whatever so no one feels left out. (Could be just the women as you're suggesting.) We do have personal friendships and I don't feel guilty about having them. (But do have to be aware of some who feel left out.)

 

So much depends, too, on the size of the congregation. I think it's harder being a pastor's wife in a small congregation. In a big one you can blend into the woodwork if you want. You can also have closer personal friends from within the congregation more easily, it seems.

 

I second (third/fourth/whatever) the vote for Mug & Muffins sounding neat and nice on a Sat. morning 8:30-10:30 or so.

[Jan in SC]

My mil is a minister in the same denomination as your dh. She and my fil host a yearly open house at their home for the congregation. I think they invite people to bring a dessert to share and it lasts about 3 hours. I *think* it is around the anniversary of her installation.

 

My bil/sil (same denomination) do not have an open house for his congregants. (I can't imagine it ever crossed their minds!)

 

My other bil/sil (same denomination) say they will have one next year. She was at a large-think super well known - church until this year.

 

My pastor has one every few years. It is a simple drop-in, near Christmas, and his wife asks for desserts/appetizers to be shared! It is VERY casual and family friendly.

 

The muffin morning sounds awesome! I would suggest a Saturday, but that's just when free babysitting is available in our home!

[rwjx2khsmj]

My mom is a pastor's wife. She always had an open house in December. Just a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. Tea, coffee, cookies. Nothing fancy. Usually only a few people from a relatively large congregation stopped by.

 

Our current pastor and his wife have the same type of open house.

[Mommyof4ks]

No, but then we go to a church with 2500 people, so hosting all of them would be a problem lol. Honestly I don't think anyone should feel obligated no matter what their position to host people. I would not let the fact that your home is not decorated deter you though. People are there to see your family not your home.

[gardening momma]

I would not let the fact that your home is not decorated deter you though. People are there to see your family not your home.

And if they notice your home, maybe they'd think, "hey, we're not paying them enough!" :D

[amydavis]

I love the mug and muffin idea, but I agree with the other posters who said that a Saturday morning would be better. Our weekday mornings are incredibly hectic, so it would be extremely difficult to manage squeezing in a social visit. Also, my dh is in route sales and leaves for work by 6:30 (sometimes as early as 6). So, just know that many jobs do not have the typical 9-5 schedule. I happen to have a dh who would rearrange his day to make sure I could attend such a function, but it would honestly throw everything out of sorts for him for several days due to his scheduling (so, I would have to REALLY want something to mess him up like that!). Just some points to ponder. I would think that a Saturday from 8 'til 10 would provide the most chances for women to come.