Anyone else really dislike it when somebody comes over without calling first?

[Julpost]

Even people I really like, when they arrive at my door, and I'm in the middle of 3 different things and the house is a mess-it really, really stresses me out. I DO NOT like it when people just come over like that. At least give me 30 sec. warning on a cell phone before showing up at my door. It makes it very difficult for me to enjoy their company, not because of them, but because I'm thinking of how messy the living room is or I hope they don't go into this or that area because I know it's a mess at the moment. That's just how it is with 5 children in the house and homeschooling.

 

I also know people don't mean to be rude, they just don't realize that some people need some notice before a guest arrives. So I was thinking, you know those cutesy plaques w/cutesy sayings that address real issues like messy refrigerators, dust bunnies etc. but in a funny way? I was thinking if there was some cute saying that addressed unexpected visitors but in a fun way, that might help those people who never realized what their surprise visits do to people like me.

 

So, who would like to brainstorm ideas w/me on this? I have 2 people in particular who seem to have a gift for arriving at the worst possible times and would be moritified if they knew how much stress they caused me. Wouldn't it be nice for them to see a cute refrigerator magnet or tshirt or something and they realized, "wow, I never knew...." decided from now on, they'd call first?!

 

:hurray:

[Pink Fairy]

Since these are nice people that you really like I'd just address it in a pleasant, loving way. "Oh, I wish I could invite you in, but we're right in the middle of _________. Call me and we'll find a better time to get together."

 

I don't even answer the phone during the school day, and I've told everyone to leave a message and I'll call them when I can. The only people that I make an exception for are my parents, and they are very thoughtful about not interrrupting us.

 

Most of my friends homeschool, and they realize it's not just free time--it's work. I'm guessing your friends who drop by aren't homeschoolers? :001_smile:

[TammyinTN]

I always call and ask is it a good time for me to drop off something or chat a minute. I wish everyone did that!!!

 

It throws me for a loop when people just show up...especially if it's 8pm at night and I'm in my pj's. How embarrassing!

[Georgiana Daniels]

Oooo...this is me! I loathe when people show up unexpectedly. Thankfully most everyone knows this about me by now. I'm a strict Type A who likes to have the day planned, and any kink in the plan throws me off my game.

[inactive]

This just happened to me the other day. :blush5:

 

A really good friend from church knew that I was stressed out trying to homeschool and take care of a sick/ailing MIL...so she dropped by with a loaf of pumpkin chocolate chip bread!! :drool:

 

I was in my pj's, the laundry was piled up and I think the PT was here to evaluate said MIL. I was like this... :willy_nilly:

 

I know she meant well but I just felt like I couldn't be a very good hostess at that moment. I didn't know what to say or how to converse...I was SO focused on my hair, pjs, and the mess. I think she knew because she only stayed for a few minutes and then left.

 

I wish I knew how to relax and enjoy these unexpected visitors...

[i.love.lucy]

OH! I can't stand the "pop-in"!!! My one friend that is notorious about it finally got the message and it may have hurt her feelings a little. The problem is that she has one husband who works all the time, and one child in school all the time, so her house looks immaculate all. the. time. Seriously, like a model home. I do not think there is any moment where you would find a dish in the sink, much less a dust bunny.

 

But I will say that since homeschooling I have tried to let this go somewhat. I want to be hospitable, but it's so hard with all the dog hair on the floor, and dishes in the sink, and toys all over, and laundry on the loveseat, etc, etc, etc.

 

Maybe a magnet for the front door that says "Welcome! Did you call first?":lol:

[elegantlion]

Oh, my I hate the drop in. Not that it happens much here, but yes, please don't show up unless you call first. I want to at least make sure I've brushed my teeth and have on under eye concealer. :D

 

I'm not usually concerned about the condition of my home, it is what it is, but I'd like the chance to put on an extra pot of coffee, make some koolaid and not be in the middle of a major life issue. I want to give guests my full attention and I can't do that if I don't know you're coming.

[Remudamom]

I wish people could drop by our house, but we have three dogs that pop (yes, pop) car tires, and no one comes over here without calling first.

[shalom22]

My DH is your nightmare. He loves to go visit unannounced. Mostly it is to his brothers house, but it drives my crazy. I hate to go to someones house without calling first. I have refused to leave the house until he calls and confirms that it is ok to visit and that they will be home. Nothing like driving out to visit and no one is home. It is one of my pet peeves, I hate intruding on someone like that.

 

But on the receiving end, I don't mind drop ins. I really wish that I had some IRL friends that lived nearby that would drop in for a visit. I am usually home and pretty flexible with my time.

Edited September 24, 2009 by shalom22
on the other hand

[sarahf.]

Yes this drives me buggy! Our neighbor who is 8 and PS'd comes over everyday after school....all she does is eat up all my food and get my kids sick....I'm thinking I'm going to have to put my foot down!

[HRAAB]

This absolutely drives me crazy, and I'm not good with it. I NEED some warning. I had a friend who would do this; I never knew when she would just show up without any warning. Now, if she had been a different kind of person, I would have said something along the lines of... gee, I'd like to visit right now, but I've got this and this going on. But she wasn't that kind of person. Anything I said about her unexpected visits was not going to be taken the right way. Just the way she was. I ended keeping the car in the garage, and basically went into hiding. I felt like I couldn't be at peace in my own house.

 

Like I said, she had some issues with being accepted, and eventually the friendship died because I just couldn't keep it working. If this had been any other friend, a little hint would have been all it would take. Maybe a little saying in an innocent way could do the job. I just can't think of one.

 

Janet

[Nestof3]

Yes, this bothers me as well. I get going very late in the day because I stay up late, get up late, ride my bike, etc. We are always very pressed for time.

 

In general, I am not a spontaneous person, even when it comes to things I enjoy doing. When I go to bed, I typically know exactly how I want the next day to go. I would like some spontaneity like I used to have in college -- like an after-dinner phone call inviting me to coffee somewhere or something like that, but daytime spontaneity stressed me out.

 

When I have had to drop in unexpected, I just tell the person upfront that I apologize for the intrusion, that I just need to drop something off, and I'm on my way.

 

At least if I get a phone call first, I can assess: is this a good day to throw caution to the wind and take the day off? I can decide on the time, and I can at least make sure my house is the way I really want it to look. It really isn't just for company; I like my house to be neat and orderly all of the time. And, I don't like to be in my exercise clothes looking horendous.

 

My son's friend had the habit of dropping in all the time -- even when he knew Aaron wouldn't be home. ugh! That bugged me.

[Garga]

When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me how people would drop in for visits all the time. She was saddened that people wouldn't drop in and didn't want her to drop in. (For the record, she honored that and didn't drop in unannounced.) But she wished everyone could just drop in all the time.

 

She lived in California when she was a kid and I grew up in Maryland. She used to think it might be regional. I wonder if it's more a time or culture related thing now. Perhaps in the past when women stayed at home all day while their kids were in school, you had more time to get things done, so a drop in wasn't a big deal.

 

But nowadays, in our culture, if you stay at home you either have the kids there...or you don't stay at home! Women have jobs if they don't have kids. So, there's no time to get things done and feel comfortable with a drop in.

 

A friend of mine dropped in one day and I was perfectly fine with it, but she ended up feeling so uncomfortable that she left. I didn't do anything to make her leave, but as soon as I opened the door to her, she said, "Oh, I just was in the area and thought I'd drop in, but now I think I shouldn't have bothered you." I told her it was fine, (and it honestly was!) but she stressed the entire time she was here and finally left.

 

I dropped off a CD to a friend last Sunday and only expected to slide it through the door, but she insisted I come in and I felt a little uncomfortable, even though she insisted. I felt I was intruding, and left very shortly after I got there. Under 5 minutes.

[Macrina]

I'll go against the crowd I guess. I love the drops ins. We live in a small town. To go anywhere you drive by everyone that you know basically. Drops ins are expected and appreciated: dropping of extra stuff from your garden, returning a borrowed item, dropping by a thank you note for helping them out at the fundraiser- whatever. Especially in the homeschooling community it's extra welcome, it's nice to see other people during the day and know you're not the only one out there .

[Impish]

Personally, it depends on who it is. Generally, I hate drop ins, but SpecialMama for example is welcome any time, day or night. Probably because I know for a stone cold fact that she's coming to see ME (and the kids, depending on the hour) and not mentally critiquing my house, my hair, etc.

 

That being said, Wolf and I were guilty of a drop in just a few wks ago. We were out of town for our weekend, and his step brother lived nearby. Wolf didn't have his phone #, but knew his address. (Wolf has this weird GPS in his head. He can't remember dates, etc, but addresses and directions are forever in his head). So, we dropped in. I think we caught them mid Tea, however, as I heard my SIL say, "Oh! I'd better get dressed then!" :lol:

 

They were so happy to see him, and meet me, that there was no awkwardness at all. Wolf hadn't seen them in five years or so, and we'd never met. Awesome ppl. They begged him to drop in anytime.

[jlovebaker]

people pop by ... I guess I'm in the minority. I like to chat and visit and what not ... I guess midnite wouldn't be a good time though!

[Laura Corin]

It's a good thing you don't live in my village - we all have a village telephone book so it's really easy to phone. No-one ever does - after all, we all live close, so why not pop by?

 

It doesn't worry me.

 

Laura

[justamouse]

Even people I really like, when they arrive at my door, and I'm in the middle of 3 different things and the house is a mess-it really, really stresses me out. I DO NOT like it when people just come over like that. At least give me 30 sec. warning on a cell phone before showing up at my door. It makes it very difficult for me to enjoy their company, not because of them, but because I'm thinking of how messy the living room is or I hope they don't go into this or that area because I know it's a mess at the moment. That's just how it is with 5 children in the house and homeschooling.

 

:hurray:

 

You know I have two neighbors like this and they come in a pair. They drop in at the worst time when I have the most to do and normally haven't showered yet. So, one day when they were over, I said how sorry I was that I wasn't ready for them, that I felt bad that I didn't have something in the house to nosh on what have you.

 

They didn't care. They came by to talk to a friend. And I thought about all the times I stopped at their house, how I caught them unawares and what great neighbors they were. And I realized that this is the good stuff of life. That as much as I grimace when I see them walking through the path to our yard, when they leave I can't wait to talk to them again. We share a cup of this and that, I have my littles run over a Doz eggs and they always give the kids a treat. So they see me with my PJs on and my kitchen sink filled. That's what makes for great neighbors. I know theirs looks just the same. I also know that when they start up the fire pit I'll be the first invited for marshmallows.

[Mrs Mungo]

I am not the world's best housekeeper. I need 15 minutes. Please, do not come over without calling.

 

Oooo...this is me! I loathe when people show up unexpectedly. Thankfully most everyone knows this about me by now. I'm a strict Type A who likes to have the day planned, and any kink in the plan throws me off my game.

 

Ha! So, no showing up unexpectedly for Type As OR non-Type As.

[gardening momma]

A really good friend from church knew that I was stressed out trying to homeschool and take care of a sick/ailing MIL...so she dropped by with a loaf of pumpkin chocolate chip bread!! :drool:

....

I know she meant well but I just felt like I couldn't be a very good hostess at that moment. I didn't know what to say or how to converse...I was SO focused on my hair, pjs, and the mess. I think she knew because she only stayed for a few minutes and then left.

If I knew someone was stressed out about something, and I wanted to do them a favor by bringing them something yummy, I'd do it, but not be expected to be invited in. I'd just want to ring the bell, say hi, I made this for you, see ya, bye, and get back in my car. I'd be surprised if the person invited me in. I wouldn't want to call ahead--I'd feel too self conscious about that--I'd want to be a Good Samaritan, not call and announce ahead that I'm going to be a Good Samaritan. I wonder if she only expected to drop it off and not stay, but since you asked her in (I'm assuming you did), she came in to be polite?

[silvermine]

It stresses me out to have people over when I knew a month in advance. :D

[ma23peas]

I'm okay with folks just dropping in, but I have to say we live out in the country, so they don't want to waste the drive, so we usually get a call...what I could not stand was when we lived in a subdivision and a neighbor of mine would just WALK right in (we never locked doors) and be waiting in my kitchen for me to "find" her...she wouldn't even announce she was there...it was very awkward and I didn't know how to tell her to not just walk in...I only knew her for a week or two when she started doing this...she wouldn't even use the front door...just walk right in the back...sometimes I walk around in my undies and a T-shirt that early in the morning..it was weird!!

 

Tara

[bamagirl]

:iagree:Yes, yes,yes! We live in the same city as my Dh's family, who I adore, but they always come without calling! With a toddler and preschooler, the house is always a wreck, like a pp said I can't enjoy the visit for worrying about how the house looks. We can't hide either because we have a glass front door that opens right into our living area!

[kewb]

Drop ins don't bother me. If you drop by my house without calling first you will be happily invited in with a pleasant warning "Please pardon the mess, but we live here." True friends don't care what you or your house looks like.

 

That said, none of my friends like pop-ins so I always call first.

[Dawn in OH]

I don't like drop-ins. I mean really don't like them. I will pretend I'm not home, play dead, you name it.

 

I will, for my mother, take 15 minutes notice, although it does stress me out a bit. I spend that 15 minutes tidying up and making sure we all look presentable.

 

I prefer at least 24 hours notice.

[happyWImom]

I don't like drop-ins. I mean really don't like them. I will pretend I'm not home, play dead, you name it.

 

I will, for my mother, take 15 minutes notice, although it does stress me out a bit. I spend that 15 minutes tidying up and making sure we all look presentable.

 

I prefer at least 24 hours notice.

 

:iagree::iagree: If I hear a car, I will run and hide! Actually, if people I don't know come to the door, I'm not thrilled, but am better about it. It's the ones I do know that I would be mortified about. I don't want them to know that we are total pigs.:w00t: Just yesterday, a new friend of dh's from church stopped by and somehow snuck up on us. The front door was wide open (with just the screen) and the kids & I were on the couch reading. House was total disaster, but the worst part was, I had a cold and hadn't washed my hair in about 3 days, no makeup, pj's bedhead and huge bags under my eyes. Picture it.

[LaMere Academy]

No I definitely don't like it and was raised that it was bad manners. There is no reason to not call and at least say "I'm coming to your house for such and such reason."

It would have to be my very, very, very best friend in the whole world. And even then, I'd like a call :)

[specialmama]

Ugh. I hate drop-ins too! I won't answer the door. I don't care if they see me through the window, I will not answer the door. My MIL (the competitive Greek type who thinks she's better for her son than me) used to pop up unannounced often and actually nose around the kitchen (lifting pot lids, etc.) to see what I was cooking for dinner. :001_huh: Figures, those were the nights it was Campbell's soup. I have fought with my dh over this, and had to explain that it stresses me out to the max! I've lightened up a bit, because I truly don't judge others' homes, but I judge my own too harshly. I try to be positive and pretend that others don't judge my mess. I just can't live with the stress of it all. If they want to judge my mess, then they ought to walk a mile in my shoes and see everything I do all day. Having a special needs child is soooo draining, homeschool is so time consuming.... truths... yet they often feel like lame excuses.

 

I have said to people who drop in, "sorry, I'm from Toronto, our doors are locked every single second and I do not answer the door unless hubby is home."

[ChristusG]

I cannot stand when people drop by unannounced. I mean, I do not want to answer the door in my exercise clothes, all stinky and smelly with sweat dripping down my arm pits. And I do not want to open the door when I'm having an "I-really-dont-want-to-clean" day and there are toys strewn everywhere, dishes piled up in the sink, and tiny pieces of paper all over the carpet due to my daughter's art project that she decided to do. And I definitely do not want to answer the door when we are having a "moment" where I'm fuming mad, I just yelled and put the kids in time out, and they are screaming from the bedroom as though they are being tortured.

 

Can you tell I do not like drop bys? Thankfully, I only have one person who does this....it is my 83 year old grandmother, so I think I can handle it LOL. I would NEVER drop by someone's house without calling first.

[KidsHappen]

I tolerate very few drop ins, my mother (she is passed now), my brother and my children. They all no how I keep house and could care less if I am in my pjs. I didn't even like it when I had a maid.

[Dawn in OH]

House was total disaster, but the worst part was, I had a cold and hadn't washed my hair in about 3 days, no makeup, pj's bedhead and huge bags under my eyes. Picture it.

 

I don't need to picture it. I practically lived the same experience, only mine was probably slightly more mortifying.

 

I had a 3 month old baby that always wanted held and I had just put him in the crib determined that I was going to eat and get a shower. I had just changed shirts due to a huge milk leak, and the shirt I selected was my husbands white wife beater. No bra. This was just to be for 5 minutes while I hammered a sandwich into my head. The house was a mess. I had the 3 day unwashed hair, no make-up, pajama pants, and an angry infant screaming from the bedroom and who drops by? The Truancy Officer.

 

There was a mix up with our first ever Homeschool Notification and he wanted to drop by and clear it up, at lunch time.

 

If drop in's didn't happen at the worst possible moments in life I suppose they wouldn't be so bad. But I've never had anyone drop in when my house was clean, I was showered and had make up on, my kids were well behaved, no one was crying or screaming and nothing on fire or flooded.

 

With being shy, I don't find strangers dropping by to be any less offensive than people I know dropping by. If I wanted to see people I would leave the house.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have a longish driveway, so I have at least 2 minutes to chuck everything into the bedrooms. if the place is really messy I ask my husband to go up and talk to them as they are getting out of the car, just to give me 1 more minute to clean up.

[Audrey]

*sigh* This happens so frequently, and seems to be an accepted form of socialization around here. I don't really like it, but it's one of those things I've learned to grin and bear it.

[Heather in Neverland]

I do not like it either...but I am also not a "hugger"...I throw away birthday cards... and my kids' craft projects unless it is something really special...I rarely cry...and I thought the "Titanic" movie was ridiculous...so I am obviously missing some kind of DNA. :D

[TraceyS/FL]

I'm not into it at all. I don't do it to people, and i don't like having it done to me.

 

I'm a "planner" and it doesn't fit.... which is why my STBX-in-laws visits stress me out so much. I am never told when they are arriving, or when they are leaving.... imagine 3 months of a "drop-in" with someone camped in your driveway.

 

However, i've been told that *I* have a problem for wanting to know this info... i'm beating most of you would want to do it too.

 

Anyway, add me to the list for now :D

[BamaTanya]

And a procrastinator. So . . . when I INVITE people over, I go to get dressed 5 minutes before their expected arrival. Up until that time, I'm cleaning and cooking!

Dh's brother (my bil of course) ALWAYS comes to our Christmas party or dc's birthday party or whatever AN HOUR OR TWO AHEAD OF TIME. NOT TO HELP -- TO SPEND TIME WITH US BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE ARRIVES!

Aaaargh!

Add me to the list. It throws me off. I need time to prepare.

[JFSinIL]

The worst times anyone ever just decided to drop by where when my twins were babies. Once, I had just nursed them, gotten them down for a nap, and was on the couch myself for MY nap when my bil showed up and wanted me to wake the babies so he could play with them! NO!!!

 

 

Another time hubby's godparents showed up knock knock knocking at the door after a long morning when, again, the babies were down for a nap and hubby and I were starting to "make tea" ourselves.....:glare:

 

 

I broke our neighbors from across the street from doing this (AND peering in our front window to see if we are home) the time one of them went to peer in as the door wasn't being answered and saw me in the rocking chair nursing a baby!!! (no, I will not answer the door if I am nursing!!!)

Edited September 25, 2009 by JFSinIL

[Prairie~Phlox]

Well....I love it when people stop by unexpectedly because I know that they have come to see me and not my house. Plus, for the most part, our house if fairly neat and ready for company. That's just my personality though.

 

I would not stop by someones house without calling first though.

[Dawn in OH]

I do not like it either...but I am also not a "hugger"...I throw away birthday cards... and my kids' craft projects unless it is something really special...I rarely cry...and I thought the "Titanic" movie was ridiculous...so I am obviously missing some kind of DNA. :D

 

I'm missing the same DNA then.

 

I probably do cry more often than you do though.

[Paintedlady]

:iagree: with you about people showing up without calling. Really throws me for a loop, even if the house isn't messy. I'd be direct and tell them.