What is too old to have a baby...for you?

[sahm99]

My thread yesterday (about grieve over the childbearing years being over), plus the "Duggar-thread" got me thinking: what is the oldest you would feel "comfortable" giving birth, what do you consider "too old" (for YOU! - I hope we won't end up with a debate;)).

My mom gave birth to my brother at 41, same for SIL and her fourth.

I know quite a few other women, who were well into their 40s when they had children. It always worked out beautifully. Still, I always knew, that I didn't want to be a new mom after 35 or so, as I would be just too worried about age-related problems during pregnany/birth and concerning the baby's health. Also, I feel "uneasy" about being an "older mommy" in general...I really admire women who choose to go that route, it's just not for me...(even though I would habe loved 20 more kids:lol:!).

 

So, how do you feel about your/dh's age and pregnany...or, did it ever play a role at all?

[lovinmykids]

I think for me personally, I don't think about it age wise. It's when my body finally says no more. I'm 40 and my body is wore out. I also know that I mentally do not want to have anymore. I have 4 wonderful and very different children and they are getting older and starting to almost graduate. I'm enjoying them as older people now and it's fun.

I loved, loved, loved having little babies and that is why I had 4. At the time, I could never imagine not having a baby around anymore but after time goes by and realizing my body is wore out, I knew I was done. Plus, I don't want to go thru sleepless nights anymore. I'm also loving have time to garden and just do what ever.

I have friends who still are having babies, so it's fun to go hold there's.

SO, until you know your done, I say go for it....Don't let age stand in your way.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I will not be preventing it though even that has crossed my mind now that my youngest is 14. I'll still have a chance of getting pregnant another 10+ years and not sure I want to when my youngest is 24! What happens does though. However, I think the latest I would go get help to get pregnant might be 44. 45 seems like "the hump" to me. I completely disagree with women in their 50s and 60s getting fertility treatment.

[JFSinIL]

I am 50 and wouldn't mind another kid. Don't think it is in the cards, though ;)

 

I had my kids at ages 32 (twins), 35 and 37 (almost 38).

[mamato4girls]

I have just been thinking about this a lot. I would love 1 or 2 more, I am 34, had my oldest at 19, which is probably why I think delivering over 35 makes me "old". I think my limit of age would be 42 ish. At that point, my oldest would be out of college, and could be having her own babies. As much as I think it would be neat to have babies at the same time, other parts of me want to run- fast.

[dirty ethel rackham]

For me, it wasn't an age thing, but an energy thing. I had my last child at 37 - a wonderfully healthy pregnancy and a beautiful home birth. However, it took so much out of me. I was much more tired during that pregnancy and the newborn period (and now.) Also, knowing my history of depression, I knew that I did not have the energy to fight that off another time. Since the birth of our youngest 9 years ago, our philosophy has been one of "we don't plan any more children, but, if God were to overrule us and send us another child, we would lovingly accept the unexpected gift and place our trust in him (and spend a lot of time on our knees:).)

 

I wasn't concerned about "age-related" problems because I was confident that I could grow a healthy baby and that, by taking excellent care of myself, I could reduce my risk of many of the complications touted by the obstetric profession. I think the "agism" of obstetrics is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. Due to the relatively small statistical risk of more problems, many doctors go overboard with interventions and tests and actually create some of the problems they are trying to avoid. As a childbirth educator, I have seen more of the "age-related" issues in younger moms who did not take good care of themselves than in the older moms who did. I have also seen this issue of "agism". Many of my older students ended up changing caregivers as a result of this and went on to have healthy normal births.

 

I have friends who have had children into their 40's. These moms are some of the "youngest" moms I know as far as energy is concerned.

[littlebug42]

For me now, I am 38 and most of the time feel too old. I had very difficult pregnancies when I was 30 and 32, I cannot imagine what it would be like now. I don't think I could do another pregnancy like that, homeschool and take care of the children I have. I also have an increased risk of miscarriage (had two already) and cannot even think about going through that again. I don't think there is really an age that I would consider all women to be over child-bearing age. If my pregnancies were easier, I would have no problem with continuing to have babies at this age.

[swellmomma]

I used to say 30 and even had my 4th at 30, but now at 32 I Know I still feel young enough to have another. I think for me 40 would be the absolute cut off, I want to be young enough to play with my grandkids.

[Lilymax]

I'm 41 and about to give birth to our third son. I'd always wanted to have four kids, but thanks to fertility issues and PCOS, we weren't able to have our first until I was 29. DS2 was born when I was 33. I never intended to have a seven-year gap between kids, but it just worked out this way. DH deployed to Iraq for a year and it took a while after he got back before he was on board with having more. This one was surprisingly easy to conceive, on just one round of Clomid. When people ask if he was a surprise, I say yes, because I honestly didn't expect it to work...especially not the first time we tried!

 

I'd still love to have one more baby, but I have had a difficult time this time around with gestational diabetes an PIH (not to mention the problems I have getting and staying pg--I've also had four miscarriages through the years). So in some ways I feel like my body's had enough. And it was scary early on, wondering if there would be birth defects or another loss due to my age.

 

Yet DH and I still can't bring ourselves to use birth control, because we would gladly welcome another child if we were able to have one. I doubt I'll ever take Clomid or anything else again to help me conceive, so if we did, it would absolutely have to involve some divine intervention!

 

By 45, I might feel like that is too old and revisit the sterilization thing. I just don't know.

[Mandy in TN]

So, how do you feel about your/dh's age and pregnany...or, did it ever play a role at all?

 

My dh and I are the same age, so his age has not been any more of an issue than mine. Although I would feel comfortable having children until 45, I am now 40 and I had my last ds just before my 34th b'day. We currently have no plans to have any more bio children.

 

Mandy

[Remudamom]

For me it was five minutes after the triplets were born.

[chaik76]

I never really thought about it, honestly. As long as my body would provide, I guess. I take into account though, that I have extremely low energy levels...I have way less energy with my current two-year old than I did when my oldest was two. I would love another baby...but I'm high risk and pregnancy is high-risk for the baby, too. But if it happened...we would be giddy to the skies (whatever the age). Most of my family has been done having children early...my grandmother had her seventh at 29...I think the oldest mother giving birth on the maternal side of my family was 32.

[amy g.]

I had a very easy pregnancy with Miss Bossy when I was 40. I'm pregnant again at 43, and this pregnancy is really kicking my behind. I have been SO sick and tired. I'm not sure that I want to try for a sixth.

 

I'm not sure how much of the difference is age, and how much is weight. I was in great shape when I conceived miss Bossy. I nursed her for 2 1/2 years, and did not lose any of my pregnancy weight. I weaned her, lost 12 lbs, and immediately got pregnant again.

 

I just wonder if the weight alone could be contributing more to how bad I feel than my age.

 

In any case, it will all be worth it when I get to hold my sweet little baby.

[Tree House Academy]

I had my first child at 19, my second (and last) at 24. 30 was the age I set in my mind that, if I hadn't had anymore by that time, I was done. I turned 30 this year.

 

I am not saying 30 is too old to have kids (not at all!) but that, for me and with my situation having kids really young, 30 was kind of my cutoff. Now, God can always have different plans for me...but I will not be "trying" to have children at this stage in my life. My kids are 10 and 6 and we have now entered "kid" stage. There is no more "baby stuff." I am happy in the place where I am right now. :)

[LisaKinVA]

I'm struggling with this issue right now. I'm 40, have a beautiful, funny, incredibly good 7mo. old baby girl. Part of me wants another one, but I'm already so tired, get so frustrated, and thinking about going through this lack of sleep again really wears on me. But I feel like I want just one more before we say "done." And, then, there's the part of me that is excited about the idea of the ones we have growing up doing different things, not worrying about nursing, no more diapers... losing the stroller... etc.

 

I don't know.

[KidsHappen]

My attempts at BC have been a miserable failure so I would say at the point where I am no longer able to conceive naturally. My best friend's mother had a baby when she was 48. My friend was 16 which I thought was weird but now I have a 26 year old and a 10 year old so it doesn't seem so wierd anymore.

 

Physically and mentally though, I have been done for a few years. Do we have a tired smiley?

[Pretty in Pink]

If I got pregnant again we would go with it, no matter the age. Having said that, I had my first just after my 18th birthday and my fourth at 28; if we're adding any more kids to this brood I'd rather it be in the next year or two, which would put me in my early thirties. It's not that I feel I'd be too old necessarily, it's that I've spent my youth and young adult years raising children and I'd like to enjoy my forties and fifties baby-free. I do not want to spend most of my life raising little ones.

[OhM]

I'm almost 42, and feel like I could do another pregnancy (I wish now dh and I wouldn't have "stopped" when we did - but that's another story).

 

What I don't feel up to, though, is being 60 when that one graduates from school. Just don't think I can hold out that long!

 

But dh's mom did it - she had him at 40, is now 83, and a very active grandparent! (She had told herself that she would never see her grandchildren, and has always been overjoyed to have been proven wrong.)

[Dobela]

Well, we have adopted all of ours but age is still a factor for us. Dh is 46 this year and our youngest is 2. When he realized that he would be 62 as she was graduating, well, he said that was the end of babies for us. He would like to retire before he dies LOL. I am 7 years younger than him and have to say that a toddler at almost 40 is a lot more difficult than it was when I was 30. Maybe because I had such a gap between mine, I am so ready to stop dealing with diapers, strollers, and potty training.

[Dirtroad]

When menopause hit & you need massive drug treatments to kick start a dead system! If you are 90 and marrying a young fella... ugh... don't go for it.;) That is my motto, but it drives family nuts.

 

If you are healthy enough to conceive... go for it. It is so completely dependant upon the family, the woman's health & energy, her body, and the husbands health/energy. Some folks are "worn out & tired" at 35... others are jumping out of bed & full of spark at 50. It is attitude & health, not the calendar.

 

Also, if the body is willing and your feeling old... but find out you are pregnant... count your blessings & enjoy that child. God had a plan for the baby & you should not get in the way with abortion, etc. I have heard too many stories of the child that came 12years later than others being the one who helped the parents, did the great deed, or saved a family member, etc. Count it as a gift from God.

 

I am about to hit 42 and feel too old... but God had other plans & in a few weeks, I will have our 3rd child. I was very worried but got a letter from someone who fit the above example... it healed my heart, calmed my fears, and we are looking forward to meeting our new girl in October. Then DH found an article about kids in your 40s keep you younger b/c you are in a circle of 20/30 parents with your little one and you aren't hanging with the grandmas yet... plus you know this child needs you & you work harder at being fit & careful & active!

 

Still tired... you bet. Still swelling & feeling miserable in the evening.. .you bet. See this as a blessing... you bet! Will we have another... lets see about October when she arrives!

Edited September 7, 2009 by Dirtroad

[Tenaj]

Just had my daughter last week, at age 44. To be honest, this was a much, much easier pregnancy than the ones I had at ages 40, and 42. I had been much more consistent with my exercises prior to pregnancy this time which I think made a huge difference. Also, it appears that baby boys mess up my back but baby girls don't :)

 

We've choosen not to do anything permanent so the possibility is still alive that there would be another. My drs. have said that my body deals with pregnancy really well so health is not really an issue and we've never worried very much about age-related birth defects or complications. In fact, after my dr. finished the c-sect on Thursday (my first c-sect) she leaned over the barrier and said, "There, now you've lived on the wild side, next time you can decide which way you want to do it, this way or the natural way". I replied, "The next time?!?". And she just laughed and said, "sure". It's nice to have drs. that are that encouraging, though at this point is sure seems that eight might be enough! We'll see what happens.

[LibraryLover]

For me, the cut off was 40, and I think after that, unless you come from a long line of women who were very fertile at an older age, 45 seems to be end of it for most. Not impossible, of course. lol Oh no, not impossible.

Edited September 10, 2009 by LibraryLover

[dancer67]

I will be 42, with my youngest being 11(tomorrow), 16, and 19. I don't "feel" 42, and I think I could do another pregnancy. But I can't due to the meds I take. To dangerous.

 

I think I will look forward to grandkids someday:D

[Quiver0f10]

I am 40 and Dh is 44. We are open to more children when and if God blesses us. I can't say what will happen 5 years down the road, but right now we plan to continue to be open to His will for us in this area.

[Corraleno]

I had my son at 41 and would have loved to have more, but fertility problems prevented it, so we adopted our daughter when I was 45.

 

Jackie

[Audrey]

35.

[Impish]

Whenever God chooses not to bless me with anymore, I'll be done.

 

I *used* to say not after 35. I've passed that mark, and find myself still willing.

 

Wolf isn't.

 

God has a sense of humour, I've found. I'll probably find myself pregnant with twins sooner or later. (Please, no triplets. Let that be a RemudaMom thing, k?

[Crissy]

Our decision to have no more children was not based on my age, but my husband's. He was 45 when our younger son was born and was concerned for a number of reasons about being too old to care for and support more children through their teen and young adult years.

[lauracolumbus]

Well I didn't even get started til I was 35. Was in school, grad school, law school then finally working. Met dh when I was 31. We started trying on our honeymoon and immediately got pregnant. I had mine at 35, 37, and 41, with 3 m/c in my 40s. I'd love one more, but I'm now 47 and my cut off was 45 in my mind. My grandmother had my aunt at 45 (same time her oldest was having a baby), so that was the drop dead date for me.

 

Laur

[Jennifer in MI]

For me, there isn't an age, I guess. I wish I could've had more between numbers 3 and 4, but had many, many miscarraiges instead, unfortunately. I feel blessed with our little dd. Very, Very blessed.

 

But, for me, the decision to be done has more with the fact that I'm having a hard time being the mom I want to be. I really want to be able to watch my older boys earn their black belts, play baseball games, watch piano recitals, etc, etc. I want to do these things as a family. (These are all things I didn't get to do this year.) I want to travel together without having to split up according to ages. I want to take the family to little kid shows, library story hour, the zoo, etc without having the olders complain that these things are too "babyish." Having another so much after the three boys has made that nearly impossible. We are constantly having to split up.

 

Of course there are times when we can stay together and do things as a family. But, quite often the age difference makes it so that we can't. And, I'm exhausted trying to keep up.

 

I had my youngest at 35, btw. Interestingly, dh wants more. I'm done. Really done.

[OrganicAnn]

I had my DD at 43. She had 3 minor birth defects. You can never know for certain, but I'm sure my age and my DH's age might have contributed to them. We are very lucky they are minor. We were done at one. No regrets. Very happy.

[cathmom]

When I'm no longer able to conceive, then I'll be too old. Until then, I'll just be too tired! :D

[Tree House Academy]

Our decision to have no more children was not based on my age, but my husband's. He was 45 when our younger son was born and was concerned for a number of reasons about being too old to care for and support more children through their teen and young adult years.

 

This actually falls into the equation with us too. Dh is 10 years older than me and he feels that, at 40, he is "too old" to be having more children. He keeps throwing out that he would be in his late 50's when the child graduated highschool.

[s.z.ichigo]

I'm 29 and only have one child, who I had when I was 21. I would have liked to have more, but our house is tiny, finances wouldn't allow us a bigger one, and I was just under too much stess and am in need of surgery before I can conceive. Now I'm thinking about having another but age is becoming a factor. Maybe not so much for me (though having a kid in my 30's is going to be a completely different experience than the first one) but for my husband, who is 13 years my senior.

 

I know men can keep producing practically forever, but I don't really want my kids to be so young, with a father so old. But then, I was a very young mother, and my mother was very young as well. HER mother was around 45 (and thought my mother was menopause) and was positively ancient when I was little......so all that put together made me develop the impression that parents ought to be young.

 

I don't know....I'm hoping we're able to have another child or two. I've been getting severe "baby fever" lately. I may change my opinion after the second, but as it stands I can't see having kids after I'm 35. Maybe if my husband was younger it would be different.

[HiddenJewel]

I am 40 and physically, emotionally and mentally it is wisest for me to enjoy the 4 children we have.

[sagira]

I'm 32, have two children (1 at 26, the other at 30), my husband is 30 and my mother went through formal menopause at 54 :eek: For the record, my father had a vasectomy. I was an only child. My mom had me at 38, and my dad was 47. I never thought of my parents as older, and still don't think 38 is "older", even though the stats beg to differ. Dh thinks 40 is too old to have more children (for him, for us) because we'll be really old when the child is off to college. He still wants to be able to enjoy life after kids with me. His mom had him at 19 and his parents are only 50 now. My mom, OTOH, is 71 and my dad sadly passed away at 72 seven years ago.

 

Sooo.. to cut a long story short, MY cut-off age I think is 36.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I had my kids at 33 (almost 34) and 35. In some ways, I wish I had started maybe 5 years earlier, then I might have had more. I did not have great pregnancies, either, and my bladder was in bad shape after the 2nd one, so I told dh I was done. He is also 10 years older than I am, so he was ready to stop, too. He would probably been okay with one more shortly after the other two. If I'd had easier pregnancies, I definitely would have had at least one more. If I had to give and arbitrary age that I would say is too old to start having babies, I'd say somewhere around 45, just because you start losing energy just when your kid starts gaining energy! I think if people are healthy and happy, having kids until menopause age is fine.

[Sugarfoot]

Our youngest 2 were born when I was 39 and 6 weeks shy of 41. They were C-sections by necessity, but had nothing to do with age. I think that it's such an individual thing. I'm in MUCH better shape than a lot of the younger moms that we see at the park, the pediatrician's office, etc. My DH insists that having kids "keeps you young.":) Physically, I trust my body to know what it's doing!

 

As a plus, I'm more relaxed with the younger 2. I know what I'm doing now, and it's been great to just relax and enjoy them.

 

However, we'll all be glad when they can ride the "bigger" rides at Disney! My DH has become an expert at the "baby switch passes" in the last 3 years! Our older daughter hit 48 inches the month that our 3 year old was born.:D

[HRAAB]

My twins were born when I was 40. At that point, I was toooooo tired for anymore. I know women who have had children in their early 40's, so I don't necessarily think 40 is too young. I was just too tired.

 

Janet

[Evergreen State Sue]

Also, I feel "uneasy" about being an "older mommy" in general...I really admire women who choose to go that route, it's just not for me....

 

 

 

My mom was an "older mommy" when she had me at 34 in the late 1950's! I never dreamed I'd have my children at 37 and 38-1/2. Then again, I never dreamed I'd have infertility issues either. I didn't "choose" that problem. I think my cutoff age would have been 40 if we hadn't had our children. After we had our two kids, I just felt overwhelmed and tired, and knew that was it for me.

[joannqn]

I have no clue. I used to think I want to have all my children young but then didn't have my first at 26. Then there was a 5 year gap between my second and third. I'm 35 now and just had my fourth. I don't feel done. My first thought when people ask me if I'm going to have more is certainly not, "No way!".

 

But then I think about how I'll be 53 when this one graduates and THAT makes me feel too old.

[samba2nite]

Well i would be considered one of those advanced maternal age moms.... as I fast approach 47...yikes it is even painful to write it!!!

 

And I am mom to 2 8 year olds and 2 5 year olds. Since I was a late starter I have no idea what it would have been like any other way.

 

For me the first set bio twins at 38 were enough for me to turn off my body to kids but not my heart. Thats when I decided to adopt.

 

dawn in sac

[Mommyfaithe]

For me....40 was the magic number...especially since I have such terribly hard pregnancies...and I am still plumb worn out physically and emotionally and every other lly there is. My youngest is very high needs...and I just couldn't see putting us through any more. Funny thing is I was totally "quiverfull" until I hit my "enough" button. I think having adult children...3 teens and smaller kids as well just kind of burnt me OUT.

 

Now, I would really like to be a grandma!

 

~~Faithe

[PCA]

This is a very encouraging thread. I am enjoying everyone's posts.

 

I especially enjoyed Dirtroad and JanOH posts, I agree completely!

 

I had my 4th baby at 33, and just turned 35 this summer, I would love to have more. I dont have an age cutoff. If the Lord chooses to bless us this year or in 10 years when I am 45, we will be thrilled!

[Kelly in IL]

Hi

For me personally, at 43 I am well past the age I would actively try to have another baby. I had the first at 29 and the second at 36, and the difference in my ability to handle it physically has been amazing. I am experiencing physical deterioration like my parents didn't experience until their late 50's (what's up with that!?) and my nerves are just about shot. But I admire woman with many children more than anyone else on this planet, and know God blesses them for their unselfishness!!!

[sarahf.]

Not really sure? I suffer from infertility and would consider any unplanned/medicated pregnancy a blessing:) That being said 45 would be my limit!

[sunshine]

I think 45 is going to be my cut off. I will cry because I have tried for 6 years to have another child. I remember thinking when I was 35 how old that was to have child because all the women I knew having children were under 30 and making comments like Wow you will be 50 when she get's her learner's. Funny, years later I feel physically the same and the ache for another has not gone away and 45 seems not too old to me.....

[Rosie_0801]

I'll be 30 in January, and nothing short of failed contraception will convince me to go through that pregnancy gig again. I didn't like it the first time, I didn't like it even more the second time and I'm still not particularly likeable. I know it'll be better once ds is mobile (and don't tell me if it isn't!) I look forward to being the type mum I was before I got pregnant the second time. I used to be nice :( I miss being me, and so does dh.

 

Rosie

[IsabelC]

That's hard to answer because it depends on the circumstances. Personally, I am happy with the children I have, and I don't really feel up to having another, so we won't be 'trying' kykwim. But, should I unexpectedly fall pregnant, I'm reasonably confident that we could manage somehow. (And I'm certainly not about to terminate a pregnancy on the grounds of feeling too old and tired.)

 

ETA: I always wanted to have my first before 30 and be finished by 35, not sure where I got those numbers from but it looks as though I've done just that

[HSMom2One]

This is our story, and it may not be for everyone. It is, of course, a question that is based on individual needs, wants, lifestyle and health.

 

For me, I wanted four children, but ended up giving birth to three. Several years down the road, and in a remarried situation, God blessed me with a "late in life surprise". (Dd is my dgd by birth, but we adopted her when she was a baby, making us legally and officially her Mommy & Daddy.)

 

We did not plan this little journey, but feel that God did and that He always knows best. Having a later in life child is perfect for us. Dh and I feel so blessed! We just can't imagine life without our little girl.

 

I am amazed at how much younger I feel, how much more energy I have and how my priorities are so much different than they were back when we were empty nesters. I believe that it is all in the attitude. You'd be amazed at what you can do and what you learn to LOVE to do when you put your mind to it.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

P.S. I will be 63 when dd graduates from high school, and it doesn't phase me one bit! We have several friends that waited to have kids later in life and will be right there with us.

Edited September 8, 2009 by HSMom2One