lynn Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Who may be passing through your town and need a place to stop over night? My family always has so I did not think twice when my cousin, whose a truck driver called and wanted to stop by on his way to another state. My dh was not brought up like this is was suprised that I had welcomed my cousin to stop by for the night. Is this a regional thing, a family thing? just curious what others thoughts were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 My family and close friends know that they can stay over whenever they need to, and stay as long as they like. I do get tired of company that do not clean up after themselves, but that is a totally separate issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 My house is always open to anybody who may pop by either for a visit or overnight. I'm pretty flexible and being an extrovert, I love having company. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 TBH, not really. I have a very tiny house and it's very inconvenient to have people just pop in. Now, in the case of an emergency, I'll make it work. If I had a larger house with the space to put someone up, I'd have a more open-door policy. It's my dream to someday have a home where I can dedicate one bedroom solely to the purpose of housing guests. But right now? No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I have an open door policy, but I'm from the South - maybe it is regional. I've had as many as 15 family-guests here at time in my cozy little house. I cook for them and clean up after them and reserve the right to serve them off of paper plates. When we went down to visit my sister, we told my sister when to expect us, we never once thought the door might not be open for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 No we don't. If they call we will of course accommodate as much as possible family and friends. We just don't do well with drop in visitors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I would find it strange to hear that close family passed through without stopping by to say hello or at least calling to say they were passing through. I do expect people to knock though. When I was visiting my brother a friend came over and just walked in the house and scared me to death. I have the same problem with a few of the neighborhood kids not knowing when it is appropriate to just come in and when they need to knock. Different people different ways of doing things. Shoes or no shoes? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 At our wedding reception, I was asked to give a speech. I concluded the speech by saying that everyone was always welcome at our house. My new husband kicked me under the table. I found out why when we were only married for one month and the first family "dropped by" to then stay for 3 weeks. They gave me one hour notice. I like visitors. But I don't make sweeping invitations anymore!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheWillFly Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I grew up with an open door house. Literally, my parents door was never locked and on any given evening their could be anywhere from 1 extra person to a full on spontaneous party at our house. It is still like that. We have the same thing at our house but have found that short of children none of the adults we know are comfortable just stopping in. They all want to make a plan, double check it and then ask one final time "Are you sure it is ok? It isn't an inconvenience?" It is okay with me. My house may not be perfect but you are always welcome and no matter how little we have we will find some coffee, tea and a tasty snack or meal to share with you.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 It may depend upon the family. I was raised in a family where you would be insulting to a relative, or be insulted by a relative, if you rented a motel room. You always stayed with family and you always opened the door for family. Hubby was raised differently. His family will only stay with their "favorites of the moment" and will go out for Thanksgiving rather than spend it as a family if the current host wasn't the "fav of the moment". And yes, I've been highly insulted by his family for these attitudes. Even though my stepdad and I haven't spoken in 6yrs, if I went back to that state to visit my mama, guess where we would be sleeping. That's right, in that house and eating his food and spending time together (I really do hope we can reconcile one day). That's just the way it is. My house is always open to my brothers, one drives up this way regularly for his job. Right now, he's mad at me, but he knows the door is open. And if I went down to SC, I would be welcome at his or any of my other siblings home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 The family I grew up in was like that too. Anyone was welcome to have dinner and crash on the couch. I have learned that it is a family culture thing. I do prefer if people knock on my door and call to give me a heads-up that they are coming by. I would like to be dressed when they show up, you know? Yes, I do. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertechmom Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 No and no and no!! I'm southern too but I just do not tolerate pop-ins, family or friends. In today's world, there is no excuse not to pick up the phone and schedule your visit. And one shouldn't get offended if the person says "um sorry, now is not a good time. how about _______" Just to show up at my house without advance knowledge is UGH. OF course, I may not feel that way if the people who pop in where ones who didn't go back and talk about how horrible the house was or how the kids were out of line or whatever negative they can come up with. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Reading some of the other replies, I'm discovering that perhaps I'm not as open door as I thought. I would never turn someone away but I do prefer at least one day's notice of their arrival. Actually we did politely deflect my MIL and out-of-town cousins yesterday when they tried to come to our house. We took them out to a nice Chinese restaurant but did not invite them into our home. They tried to insist that they come over to our home anyway but we managed to get ahold of my SIL and she invited them instead. Why all the deflecting? Because as we had told them, we were remodeling and we literally have nowhere for visitors to sit - there are boxes and furniture piled everywhere! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 No and no and no!! I'm southern too but I just do not tolerate pop-ins, family or friends. In today's world, there is no excuse not to pick up the phone and schedule your visit. And one shouldn't get offended if the person says "um sorry, now is not a good time. how about _______" Just to show up at my house without advance knowledge is UGH. OF course, I may not feel that way if the people who pop in where ones who didn't go back and talk about how horrible the house was or how the kids were out of line or whatever negative they can come up with. :lol: I'm not happy about it with friends, because I'm a little bit compulsive about my house. Family generally DOES call first; I ALWAYS appreciate a phone call in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeenagerMom Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 We are very open door. Usually we do get a call first.....maybe 5 minutes or so before someone drops by.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Since I grew up w/an open door policy. I have a closed door. If you are not invited , you are not welcome. Sorry. I like to be prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Our house is open door, but don't expect me to be a good hostess. If you pop by unannounced, I'm likely to go "Great! You can help cook dinner." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Our house is open door, but don't expect me to be a good hostess. If you pop by unannounced, I'm likely to go "Great! You can help cook dinner." The first time your a guest, the second time you're part of the family and will be treated as such LOL! That was my mother's rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! I'm good with my really good friend Karyn dropping by with a few moments notice (although she's never really done that...gives plenty of notice, lol!) and with Wolf's fave cousins from out of town popping by...but other than that, I need a cpl of hours warning, please. And I do everything I can to duck hosting MIL for even a wknd. Last summer we did, and I was told what a mess my house is :glare: I told her that she was welcome to clean to her hearts content...and that she should try keeping house with one good arm, severe chronic pain, and young children running about. I sooooo don't want her here again...but she'll be in town for the month of August. People who genuinely come to see me and mine, ok. Judge me, get lost! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 My dh was raised with the open door policy. I wasn't. Dh's family is so bad that they will just walk on in the house rather than ring the doorbell! For a long time, it was a real source of strife in our marrige too! The boundaries had to be set (especially for his mother who lives 200 yards from our house). Other than this, I teach my kids that you do NOT invite yourself to stay with someone, including family (if you have been invited on the open door policy, I guess that is different...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Yes, I hope that if family or friends are passing through my area, they will stop by to visit, whether for an hour or a couple of days. Of course, I would hope they'd call and give me some notice so I can make the house and myself presentable. The OP said her cousin called ahead; I wouldn't think twice about having someone stay overnight in that situation. I grew up in a large family who thinks the more, the merrier. I have a small house, but we have a sleeper sofa and sleeping bags. And I'm a darn good cook. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I wish I was more "open door". Speaking mostly of the pop-in visit, not overnight. We really don't have any family within 5 states, and all our friends live here in town, so it's a non issue for overnights. I have been working really hard on keeping a tidier house so that I would feel more welcoming when friends want to pop by. I would like to be more hospitable. I think it's just one of those things that people are SO busy you get afraid to make a phone call for fear of interrupting them, much less popping by. I have one friend that teases me about how much she knows I hate the pop-in. Well, truth be told I only hate her to pop by. Her home looks like a model all. the. time. No dust, no clutter, no dog hair, never a spoon in the sink, never a magazine out of place. It's down right intimidating and really makes me feel like if that's the way she keeps her house she could never feel comfortable in mine! I'm not that comfortable in hers because it looks too good all the time. And it's decorated to the 9's too. Every room. I think her dd and dh are afraid to sneeze for fear of disrupting something.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I think it is a family thing. My family is just like yours, and my dh's family is just like your dh's. If my family happens to be in town it is normal for them to call and ask if they can come by or stay the night or whatever, so off to the store I go to stock up on extra food and such. Dh thinks this is strange lol, but he does like the fact that we can just pop in on my family in other towns too so the kids can rest up and play before we head home. I think he really likes the home cooked meal over fast food too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I mean, other than that I could choose to be honest:) No, I don't like people dropping in. I prefer a little notice. But I simply could not turn anyone away at the door. I have never had anyone show up unannounced to spend the night. I would expect a call at least 24 hours ahead (though if I didn't get it and I was in town, I would have a hard time turning someone down). My Mom and Dad live a mile away from me though, and any reasonable person would choose to stay in their ultra climate controlled, perfectly neat, very quite home over mine. So most family members go there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 My house is always open to anybody who may pop by either for a visit or overnight. I'm pretty flexible and being an extrovert, I love having company. :) I'm on the way!:auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Open door. But, I may not be the best hostess. I may offer you a drink, a seat, and the tv remote on my way out. I don't seem to ever be home. Family and friends can entertain themselves for a bit if they just drop by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 it would take me that long to clean it up. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I was raised in a totally closed-door house. NOBODY came over without giving my mother at least three days' notice so she could have the house so clean you could eat out of the toilet (not that I *would* have... just sayin' ;) ) Anyway... then I met my in-laws. We have a 10-minute phone call rule only because my MIL likes to run around her house in the clothes God gave her. There are still days that they drop by my house without even the phone call. And I'm okay with it! We talk often enough that they generally know if I have something going on and they're not here every day. I happily host family from out of town when they're here and if I can, but I really only have extra sleeping space for two adults - on couches - so it doesn't usually happen. Which is fine, too. I'm not offended if they'd prefer a hotel as long as we get to spend time together. Space can be nice. Now, family that stays three weeks is a whole 'nuther picture. THAT would drive me bonkers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 yes from both my hubby's and my side of the family and friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 In our culture, it would actually be rude if family members didn't stop by wheather it be overnight or just to drop in. If i was close to a family member and I didn't drop in, I would never hear the end of it. If I knew a family member was in close proximity and they didn't drop in then I would also never let them hear the end of it. Family members staying in hotels is absolutely unheard of and is considered very rude as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 In our culture, it would actually be rude if family members didn't stop by wheather it be overnight or just to drop in. If i was close to a family member and I didn't drop in, I would never hear the end of it. If I knew a family member was in close proximity and they didn't drop in then I would also never let them hear the end of it. Family members staying in hotels is absolutely unheard of and is considered very rude as well. What's your culture? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 I would welcome someone to stay, but do appreciate a phone call with several hours notice.... I think just dropping in is rude for the most part. But kin folk.... glad to have them if they are in the area & need our help or want a visit. I am very offended to know that they are near by & chose not ot contact us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Open door here. But we don't have too many relatives or friends wanting to stop by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 In college and for many years post-college, this was my norm. I often came home from work to find a friend camped on the couch "borrowing" my beer or wine, ready to use a spare bed or floor, and I loved it. It seems that as I (and everyone else) have gotten older, more people feel the need to ask first, often long in advance. Heck, most folks I know won't even drop by for a cup of coffee without a prior arrangement. Kinda sad, I alwasy enjoyed the unexpected guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakeside Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Family and cultural dynamics are very interesting to me and I find this thread fascinating! We have an open door policy. I can't imagine asking either friends or family to stay in a hotel...no matter how much easier it might be if certain people did! :D Because we don't live near either of our families and people's busy schedules in general, we know about most of our overnight guests fairly far in advance. When I was growing up, our door was always open for anyone to stop by or to crash. When relatives would come in from out of town, pretty much the entire family would descend upon the house where the relatives were staying (usually my grandmother's house) daily until the out of towners went home. All of the children would usually spend the night and some of the adults did too. And let me tell you it was not a big house, but it made for great memories! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Because we don't live near either of our families and people's busy schedules in general, we know about most of our overnight guests fairly far in advance. You would think it would work that way - we've had guests from the Philippines (who obviously knew they were coming) who gave us no warning at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 family that called ahead of time? Open door if we had a relationship with them. Friends and acquaintances - regional IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 If any of my family would come to visit I would welcome them. :glare: We moved far away from anyone so they would call before coming, I'm sure. Friends, I'd like at least a day notice to clean and they should be willing to put up with us. That's why they'd be friends, right. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakeside Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 You would think it would work that way - we've had guests from the Philippines (who obviously knew they were coming) who gave us no warning at all! :lol: Now that's the cultural part I find fascinating! My father-in-law is from the Philippines and they've had similar experiences. We've also sort of been on the other end of it when my in-laws have visited us here. There are a few maybe-kinda-sorta-distant relatives who live near us and my father-in-law has called them up and said "Let's get together!" Of course my very American mother-in-law admonishes him for doing this, but we got together! At least we called first, though! Right?;) When we were in the Philippines I think we may have just shown up at a few homes unannounced. :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 My mom was one of 6, and I had 5 cousins born the same year that I was, plus more older and younger ones. On holidays, we would cram into my grandmother's 2 bedroom, one bathroom house. Kids all slept together on the bright blue carpet in the den. I have to agree that those are the memories of a lifetime. Neither of my siblings have children, and I'm not as close to Dh's family, but I have a large family of my own, so hopefully, I will get to relive those holidays with my grandchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Open-door here, and every one knows it, but I prefer at least 2 hours of notice.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runninmommy Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 If they call before hand no biggie, but if they just show up, oh heck no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Our house is open door, but don't expect me to be a good hostess. If you pop by unannounced, I'm likely to go "Great! You can help cook dinner." The first time your a guest, the second time you're part of the family and will be treated as such LOL! That was my mother's rule. :iagree::iagree: To both of these I would prefer a phone call a day or two in advance but if that isn't possible then no biggie really, but I do expect you to either entertain yourself if I am busy or make yourself useful :D I think it is a family thing too. My grandparents on my dad's side often had friends of theirs or their children (6) living in the house. At Thanksgiving they always had stray students of my grandfathers or from church staying with them if they couldn't get home. It was just the way it was and it is the way my parents brought us up. We often brought home waifs and strays :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 My house is always open to anybody who may pop by either for a visit or overnight. I'm pretty flexible and being an extrovert, I love having company. :) :svengo:I'll be right over.:auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanie Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 :svengo:I'll be right over.:auto: Gretchen, pick me up on your way!:auto::auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 That's normal in my family.... I do appreciate at least a call first, though. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Gretchen, pick me up on your way!:auto::auto: Are you on my way to Jane's? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in SC Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 No open door policy here. I hate when people just show up with no notice. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 What's your culture? We're Kurdish from Northern Iraq. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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