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S/O When did you allow your teen driver to ride with other teen drivers


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#1 bodiesmom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:51 AM

My ds is wanting to ride in the car with drivers who are only a year ahead of him in their driving experience. My dh are disagreeing as to when it will be allowed. I'm trying to flesh out if one of us is being overprotective or wise in our thinking....

So- when did you allow your teens to ride along with other teen drivers?

#2 Jen500

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 10:56 AM

My ds is 17 and there are 2 friends so far that I have let him ride with. I feel that they are very responsible kids. There are a few other friends that I don't think he would even want to get a ride with.


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#3 Pink and Green Mom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:04 AM

My son is the first of his friends (some by a year) to drive.  About half his friends parents let their kids ride with him, half don't.


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#4 happysmileylady

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:06 AM

None of my kid's friends were interested in learning to drive before they graduated high school so it wasn't an issue.
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#5 theelfqueen

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:08 AM

With my state's graduated license -- a driver cannot have under 21 passengers (other than siblings) until they've been driving six months -- and then only one. Then they can have more than one after they've held their license a year. Very few here qualify to get their license before 16.5.  

 

Aside from that -- it hasn't come up much. My oldest didn't have a lot of friends who drove. And so far, same for my Middle.

 

Which is hilarious cause I remember my friends showing up at my house the day they got their licenses with a carfull of other friends, out for fun!

 


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#6 MEmama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:13 AM

In my state, IF a student has taken Drivers Ed, they must wait almost a year before they can drive anyone other than family members, unless that person is over 20 and has had a drivers license for at least two years. So basically, even if one gets their license the day they turn 16, it's 270 days before they can drive friends around. I'm a big fan of that rule!

If you don't take drivers ed you are not eligible for a provisional license until 18. Then you must wait 2 years before you are eligible for your unrestricted license.

We aren't there quite yet but it's just around the corner. I've already let DS know that in high school I always insisted on driving because I knew for a fact I wouldn't drink or goof off. I've let him know I will encourage him to do the same (he's hyper aware about safety) and he's agreed that sounds like a smart plan. Fingers crossed.
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#7 MEmama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:17 AM

He did let us know the other day that the seniors on his cross country team drove the younger kids to the local course. DH and I were both terrified and amused at how thrilling that must have been, as well as both dismayed but also not surprised that parents didn't know in advance or have to sign off on it.

This letting go thing is hard, and happens fast!
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#8 busymama7

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:30 AM

My kids have been on the early side to get their license compared to their friends. Well at least my two boys which is who I'm referring to. They can't drive non siblings for 6 months so by the time they can, their friends parents have all been fine with it. That has actually surprised me a little to be honest. Teen drivers are scary! My boys have had their permits for a year and then the license for 6 months with no friends allowed so really have 18 months of experience before any friends are in the car. And they are very responsible. I let them drive my 15 passenger van full of my most precious cargo (their siblings!) so I think other parents have seen that and it helps them feel safer about it.

It hasn't really come up for us much in the other direction. But there is a point at which we have to remember we can't control everything. I would judge by the circumstance, like the proposed driver and how far away they would be going. Freeway or not. Time of day etc. and how well I knew the kids involved.
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#9 SquirrellyMama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:52 AM

Immediately, my dd and another girl have to drive to the next city for swim team. Both sets of parents can't always get them there.

Kelly
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#10 Carrie12345

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:53 AM

It will completely depend on the driver and the destination.

(Dd's friends are starting to get permits. She's eligible for hers in the spring.)


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#11 Carrie12345

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:53 AM

It will completely depend on the driver and the destination.

(Dd's friends are starting to get permits. She's eligible for hers in the spring.)


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#12 Margaret in CO

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:55 AM

In CO for under 18: 

 

  • No passengers under age 21 until the driver holds a valid driver's license for at least six months (siblings and passengers with medical emergencies excepted).

  • No more than one passenger under age 21 until the driver holds a valid driver's license for at least one year (siblings and passengers with medical emergencies excepted).

  • No more than one passenger in the front seat of a vehicle, and the number of passengers in the back seat must not exceed the number of seat belts.

  • Driver and all passengers under 18 must wear seatbelts.

  • No driving between midnight and 5 a.m. until the driver holds a valid driver's license for at least one year, unless accompanied by a parent/legal guardian. Exceptions:

    1. Driving to a school or school-authorized activity and the school does not provide transportation (signed statement from school required)
    2. Driving to/from work (signed statement from employer required)
    3. Medical emergency
    4. Driver is an emancipated minor
  • No drinking and driving

  • Obey all traffic laws

  • Carry proof of insurance

 


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#13 Margaret in CO

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:57 AM

Boy Scouts may not drive another Scout to activities any more (under 18) and high school athletes may not drive anyone (including themselves) to meets or games. Athletes may drive from the high school to the college track or pool for practice with signed permission of the parents, following the above rules. 


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#14 Margaret in CO

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 12:00 PM

We didn't allow our children in another teen's car for many years and ONLY if we knew the teen and parents very well. My children all got their licenses right at 16 (except for the youngest--long story) for that very reason. They always went straight to the pool so weren't dependent on another driver. 


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#15 Rebel Yell

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 12:41 PM

Depends on the driver and the destination.

In PA, can't get learners permit until 16th birthday, then need 65 hours of driving supervised by licensed driver 21+ and cannot test formlicense for 6 months.

Junior/restricted license only 1 non-sibling passenger under 18 for 6 months, assuming no wrecks or moving violations (or something like that, parking ticket doesn't count) and then no more than 3 under18 non-sibs. No driving between 11pm and 5am.

So, my rule is: my child can drive whomevers' parents are OK with her driving them. It has mostly been to musical rehearsals, church, and youth group. And short trips to local places for food, movie, shopping- under 10 miles, no major freeways.

My girls can ride with a new driver provided they follow the rules, and we're reasonably certain they followed the training hours. ZERO tolerance for texting and driving. I will arrange to pick them up any where any time if they feel unsafe.

Also, rules for my cars: I need to know the plans in advance, and to be informed if they change- like "Chick fil A was too crowded, going to Panera instead" is fine, or "Found Phil with his family at Panera, so he's riding to Mini Golf with us". No texting while driving, passenger controls the music so driver isn't distracted, and really basic safety concerns.

Diamond was the first of her friends to turn 18, so she drove a lot since should could take all six of them in the minivan, instead of seven kids needing to take four cars.

SweetChild actually does better with a passenger (she is fine without one, of course) but having someone ride with her was great when she was a new driver, coming home in a dark winding road from late rehearsals. Passenger helped her look out for deer etc a d also texted me that they were fine :D

SweetChild's BF got his license a week before Prom, which was downtown in a major city. He drove, and I was fine- he'd had his permit for over a year, had driven in NYC, and his family is probably the only one pickier than ours about driver training and hours. ;)
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#16 kewb

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 12:50 PM

Immediately. Where I live they are only allowed 1 passenger if no parent is in the car for the 1st year they have their license. and they have to be off the road by 11:01pm.

The gdl laws make me laugh a little because there were no restrictions when I got my license. You passed and inmediately picked up all your friends and went somewhere.
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#17 teachermom2834

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:01 PM

Depends on the driver and the destination (and honestly probably sometimes my mood ;))

We don't have alot of hard and fast rules about these things because we really want to reserve the right to change our minds without losing credibility.There are so many factors: the driver, the destination, the vehicle, other passengers, time of day, weather, etc.) Also, I like for my kid to ask me each and every time. So- no blanket permission or forbidding.

I think this is what makes the teen years so challenging for me. It seems like we are always having to make judgement calls about things and it seems there is no good answer. Teen drivers, by definition, lack experience. Not picking on them it is just true. Yet, the only way to get that experience is to drive. Also, as much as we want to protect our kids we do have to slowly let go of some of these things.

Letting my kids ride with other teens falls into the category of things I permit but am not super comfortable with. (Kind of like dating. LOL). I wish my kids never had occasion to ride with other teens. I would be so much happier and more relaxed. But those occasions do come up and decisions need to be made and I don't feel like the answer should be or can be "no" everytime.

I am definitely growing right along with my kids. It is painful sometimes. Teen driving is very painful to me!
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#18 Storygirl

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:02 PM

This issue has come up in our household. This summer the church youth group had a regular habit of gathering at a pizza or ice cream place after the weekly meeting. DD15 desperately wanted to go. We agreed that she could go with her friends, but that we would drop her off and pick her up. We did not want her to drive with other teen drivers. Especially because we don't know all of her friends. And even if we knew them, we would not know their level of driving experience.

 

These other drivers were allowed to drive DD according to state law, but our family established some stricter guidelines. I'm certain we were more restrictive than most parents, but I've always made safety a priority when making these kind of decisions.

 

DD15 was not thrilled, but she accepted it.


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#19 regentrude

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:10 PM

Case by case basis.

Our state law allows one teen non-family passenger if driver has license under six months. I don't think it ever came up; my kids' friends had their license for more than 6 months when they gave them rides.


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#20 DawnM

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:15 PM

It just depends on who the kid is.  It is a case by case basis, although my 19 year old was driving with friends who weren't the greatest last year.  It couldn't be helped.  He won't drive and we weren't available.  Thankfully it did not involve freeways.


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#21 2squared

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:30 PM

Situational based for us, but our starting assumption is that our kids can ride with their friends immediately. If we don't approve of a driver or a destination, then we rescind that approval.

Most kids here start driving at 15yo with their farmers permits, and much earlier on their farms. Most kids have quite a bit of experience before they are 16yo.

My 15yo dd has 50+ hours of driving time now, and I wouldn't hesitate to let her drive her sibs or friends if she was a legal driver. She's driven in Sioux Falls, Minneapolis, and Omaha along with quite a bit of country/small town driving.
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#22 TeenagerMom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:33 PM

In my state, IF a student has taken Drivers Ed, they must wait almost a year before they can drive anyone other than family members, unless that person is over 20 and has had a drivers license for at least two years. So basically, even if one gets their license the day they turn 16, it's 270 days before they can drive friends around. I'm a big fan of that rule!

If you don't take drivers ed you are not eligible for a provisional license until 18. Then you must wait 2 years before you are eligible for your unrestricted license.

We aren't there quite yet but it's just around the corner. I've already let DS know that in high school I always insisted on driving because I knew for a fact I wouldn't drink or goof off. I've let him know I will encourage him to do the same (he's hyper aware about safety) and he's agreed that sounds like a smart plan. Fingers crossed.

 

That's insane to me that ADULTS are given restricted licenses.  I'd freaking move.  LOL

 

My daughter is allowed to ride with pretty much anyone as long as they are following the law (one 1 unrelated passenger if they are a minor). 

 

She'll only drive 1 friend also because she only has 2 seater car.


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#23 gardenmom5

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:41 PM

here they have to have had their license for six months for non-family teens to ride in the car with them.

and to get the license - they supposed  to practice driving (set # of hours) with an adult who has had a license for five years.

if they didn't take driver's ed - they can't get a license until 18.

 

eta: for what teens I'd allow them to ride with . . . . I had to know what teen was driving (and everyone with them.).  I didn't have an issue with the kids my kids were friends with.

 

I've witnessed teen driving that if I'd been that teens parent, they wouldn't be driving for another six months.  and it is about trying to impress their friends. and it was right after school!


Edited by gardenmom5, 13 September 2017 - 01:46 PM.

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#24 MEmama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:44 PM

That's insane to me that ADULTS are given restricted licenses. I'd freaking move. LOL


Really? Even though they've had no drivers ed or driving experience? What is about turning18 that automatically assumes knowledge and experience? Just curious.
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#25 regentrude

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 01:52 PM

That's insane to me that ADULTS are given restricted licenses

 

Just because they are older does not make them experienced drivers.


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#26 onelittlemonkey

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 02:08 PM

As soon as he turned 16, he started riding with friends.
In Georgia, you can't have anyone but family ride with you for the first six months.
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#27 skimomma

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:29 PM

My dd just turned 14 and has not yet started driver's ed.  Most of her friends do not drive yet but we do allow her to ride with her 16yo boyfriend.  That was a difficult leap for me but he is a very careful driver and asked for our permission first.  I had witnessed his driving habits on many occasions and was not above asking around to other adults who knew him before giving permission.  If it were not this particular kid, I doubt we would have allowed it.  The running them back and forth between houses and the activities they both participate in was getting more than a little crazy so I am sure that was also a factor.  Luckily, there are very few places to go around here where the speed limit is over 25 MPH.  If the driving conditions are poor, which they frequently are here, his parents do not allow him to drive with anyone else in the car so I do not have to make that call.  Dd has to ask permission before being allowed to ride with any other teens.  Unless I know them well and have observed their driving habits first hand, the answer will likely be no.


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#28 Tap

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:34 PM

The law in our state is teens need to wait for 6 mths after their licence to have other (non family) passengers.   We stuck to this rule for when our kids were near driving age.  DD was one of the first of her friends to get her license, so we didn't have too many issues with her wanting to ride with other teens. 

 

 

Otherwise, it was case by case.  She knew she had to ask before she rode with anyone under 20.   She gave me a small amount of push back a couple of times, but once she got her own license and started driving with other people, she completely understood.  For the most part, dd is the one who drives all of her friends around. LOL 


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#29 Momto2Ns

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 03:36 PM

We took this case by case, but dd's friends were mostly older than her, so she rode with friends before she was 16. 

 

There was a friend who dd told me was not a good driver. She rode with her once when the girl only had a permit (the father was along) and I did NOT know it was happening. Dd told me she was terrible and dd was scared. The girl got her license just a few weeks later :mellow: but it was months before I would let dd ride with her. When she did, dd felt like she was the licensed driver co-piloting. As soon as dd got her license, she was always designated driver when they were out together! There were other friends that drove a lot before they got their license and dd felt very confident with them. I guess in truth I mostly let her be the judge of when another driver was a safe driver. There was only one that I said no to.


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#30 wilrunner

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 07:00 PM

We took this case by case, but dd's friends were mostly older than her, so she rode with friends before she was 16. 

 

There was a friend who dd told me was not a good driver. She rode with her once when the girl only had a permit (the father was along) and I did NOT know it was happening. Dd told me she was terrible and dd was scared. The girl got her license just a few weeks later :mellow: but it was months before I would let dd ride with her. When she did, dd felt like she was the licensed driver co-piloting. As soon as dd got her license, she was always designated driver when they were out together! There were other friends that drove a lot before they got their license and dd felt very confident with them. I guess in truth I mostly let her be the judge of when another driver was a safe driver. There was only one that I said no to.

 

This is what we've done. Here, a driver can't drive more than one non family member until she is 18. I figure my kids want to live as much as I want them to live and they'll say something to me or the driver if the driver isn't being safe. We've also covered how to be a good passenger. They have an extra set of eyes to help watch, they shouldn't be loud or make unexpected noises that will startle the driver, They should be aware of the traffic around them and stop talking when it gets bad, and they shouldn't do anything that will distract the driver. They also know there should be NO RACING!! We've used real life examples of what to do and not do when others are driving. We have kids who are generally honest. We trust their judgement. It's one of the advantages of growing up. :) (It also gets much easier after the first few times.)


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#31 Plateau Mama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 08:04 PM

We take it on a case by case basis. My daughter started riding with others at 14 but she always got our permission first. My daughter is a great judge of character so I cannot remember an instance where we told her no.

Her freshman uear she got a lot of rides with a boy who was 18. He is an Eagle Scout with 3-4 palms. We know the boy amd his family. He called my husband to get permission to drive her places. (They were just friends.)

Her sophomore year her BFF was a senior. The girl was like a mother figure to the younger girls. I would.let my daughter go anywhere with her.

Now that my daughter drives she makes sure that anyone she drives has permission from their parents.
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#32 Lecka

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 08:06 PM

My son is only 12, but he frequently doesn't remember to put on his seat belt, and he also frequently says "mom, look!!!!!" when I am clearly (if he was paying attention) needing to concentrate on driving.

Regardless of anything else he is going to have to be a better passenger. He needs basic putting on a seatbelt and not crazy distracting the driver behavior.

It is making me nervous as I do think he could be offered rides in 3-4 years!
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#33 Pen

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 08:06 PM

My ds has gotten rides from teens to get home from sports a few times. But it is case by case as to person and circumstances decision. He did this for first time when he was 14 and the driver teens were at least 16 and had had their license for the 6 months or whatever it is our state law requires.


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#34 Lady Florida.

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 08:10 PM

Mine was the kid others either did or didn't let their kids ride with. His friends range from 2 years younger to about 3 years older than him and he got his license before most of his friends (even the older ones). With the ones who were younger than him, some were allowed to ride with him, some weren't, some only were after the parent talked with me. Keep in mind that as a lifelong homeschooler in the same area the whole time, he knew most of these kids for years and I knew most of the other parents. The ones who said no had no issues with ds specifically. It was just a rule that they weren't allowed to ride with other teen drivers.

 

As for ds, by the time his other friends did start getting their licenses he was 18 so it was no longer my call.


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#35 TeenagerMom

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 09:31 PM

Really? Even though they've had no drivers ed or driving experience? What is about turning18 that automatically assumes knowledge and experience? Just curious

 

Yeah really. 

 

I live where someone over 18 can go from a permit to a license in 31 days.  Teens can get their learner permit at 14 years old and as long as they have held a restricted license for 6 months, they can drive alone the day they turn 16. Driver's Ed is not required at all unless you want insurance discounts.  A 14-16 year old can even get a hardship license to drive themselves to school/work events.

 

So yeah the idea of an adult having a provisional license is foreign to me.


Edited by TeenagerMom, 13 September 2017 - 09:37 PM.


#36 klmama

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:48 PM

We don't let our kids ride with other teen drivers until they have been driving at least 3 months without accidents.   


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#37 Carrie12345

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 04:56 AM

Depends on the driver and the destination (and honestly probably sometimes my mood ;))

We don't have alot of hard and fast rules about these things because we really want to reserve the right to change our minds without losing credibility.There are so many factors: the driver, the destination, the vehicle, other passengers, time of day, weather, etc.) Also, I like for my kid to ask me each and every time. So- no blanket permission or forbidding.

I think this is what makes the teen years so challenging for me. It seems like we are always having to make judgement calls about things and it seems there is no good answer. Teen drivers, by definition, lack experience. Not picking on them it is just true. Yet, the only way to get that experience is to drive. Also, as much as we want to protect our kids we do have to slowly let go of some of these things.

Letting my kids ride with other teens falls into the category of things I permit but am not super comfortable with. (Kind of like dating. LOL). I wish my kids never had occasion to ride with other teens. I would be so much happier and more relaxed. But those occasions do come up and decisions need to be made and I don't feel like the answer should be or can be "no" everytime.

I am definitely growing right along with my kids. It is painful sometimes. Teen driving is very painful to me!

 

Same here. It doesn't help that I had a very different early driving experience than my kids do/will.

 

I grew up in a 25mph suburb. I spent summers and many weekends in a 5mph campground.  I was in friends' cars a lot, from a pretty young age, with extremely limited dangers.  I don't think I ever knew anyone who got into a car accident.  It just wasn't a thing.

 

Here, you have to turn onto a 55mph road to buy a sandwich, and the intersection is infamous for accidents.  It's the only way out of our community unless you're willing to drive 15 miles out of your way to a lower traffic 55mph road. The roads are fast, dark, winding, steep, and full of wildlife.  EVERY YEAR, teenagers are killed or seriously injured in accidents in our area.  That's not counting the minor accidents, or the many adults or their younger passengers.  My childhood best friend's son was one of them.

 

My 19yo is still on a permit and, while it's frustrating, I don't have to agonize right now.  My daughters are first responders, so they've seen the worst with their own eyes, and they swear they will be the safest drivers ever.  But I'm definitely scared.  However, I AM sick of driving them everywhere!


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#38 Prairie~Phlox

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 06:31 AM

As the law allows after a license, which is 6 mos. here.


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#39 Heigh Ho

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:14 AM

17 - he was at college.  By then he knew how to evalute a driver, and he did take the responsiblity as a passenger to stop a driver making poor choices. 

 

Our state has restricted driving rules. Combine that with the school district and scouting rules, and there isn't much a teen can do with a carload of teens and still have ecs. 

 

We are finding most parents locally are limiting their 18s to back roads and daylight.  Too many people are instructing their child instead of using a driver's ed course, and those children did not take high school physics or receive enough instruction to know how to drive their vehicle safely.  My nieghbor's 21 yr old almost killed another friend's child with a stupid move...passing in the fog over a double yellow, nonimpaired, head-on collision at 55 mph.  He didn't understand the double yellow, and he didn't know how far his headlights could reach vs the speed of the oncoming traffic, nor did he realize he needed to reduce his speed in thick fog.  He lost his job as a result - no possible way he could drive his employer's vehicles safely without that training and that was a condition of his employment.


Edited by Heigh Ho, 14 September 2017 - 08:14 AM.

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#40 bodiesmom

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 08:53 AM

Man, this whole driving thing really IS hard! It's difficult in finding a balance between letting them go and wanting to keep them safe. I'm usually pretty level headed when it comes to allowing the kids more independence, etc. but this driving with friends is another level of trust for me. I think the difficult part for me is that I don't know these kids as drivers. We've only been in the area for two years so while my ds has great friends, I don't necessarily know all their parents. Clearly it's time to get to know these parents. 😄

My dh and I were discussing this the other day and he was sharing with me how he almost killed a buddy of his in HS because he (my dh) was trying to show off in front of his friends and in so doing was driving erratically, causing his buddy to get thrown out the back of his truck. 😳 After sharing this horrifying story, he proceeded to tell me that I need to relax on my "rule" of ds not driving with kids who haven't had their license for a year yet. Ummmmm.....dude. After hearing that story, ds isn't driving with ANYONE until he's 30!!!!

Smh.


Thank you everyone for sharing your point of view and experiences. I'm enjoying reading your input. 😄

#41 Momto2Ns

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Posted 14 September 2017 - 01:38 PM

Just a funny experience, one of the most overprotective moms I know let my dd drive her dd from the day mine got her license. I was frankly surprised by that. One day she revealed to me that her dh frequently found himself following my dd (they live about 5 miles further outside of town than us on a country highway). He was impressed with her driving, even after she got her license and when she didn't know she was being observed. I guess one way you can decide is by spying on the driver in question :lol:  :lol: .


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