Choices

[Terabith]

My oldest child had a breakdown in October of 2019, at the end of the first quarter of their sophomore year.  We had to pull them out of high school suddenly.  We sorta kinda homeschooled the rest of that semester, but really, we mostly just tried to get a handle on their mental health.  They started classes at the community college in January of 2020, and they did well until lockdown, when everything became asynchronous.  They still got mostly A’s, but we elected to do a psychology class as pass/ fail, because it wasn’t going well.  They started this fall at a small private, arts and humanities focused school in fall of 2020.  It’s been virtual, with live classes, and it’s been perfect.  They’ve thrived like never before.  Their mental health is in a good place, and they are thriving academically and enthusiastic about school.  
 

The school sent out an email today saying they’ve decided to return to in person school, no hybrid model, at the end of March, for the last quarter of school.  There will be no virtual option.  
 

My younger child has multiple risk factors.  They don’t turn 16 and become eligible for vaccine until the end of April.  She also has autism and severe anxiety, although it’s been well controlled and she’s pretty stable.   I have several risk factors as well for covid, plus a long and involved mental health history with several psych hospitalizations.  I am eligible for vaccination according to my state, but there isn’t enough vaccine and I will not realistically be able to be vaccinated until probably this summer.  My husband has had two doses of Pfizer.  
 

It isn’t safe for myself or my younger kid to live with someone attending in person classes.  If oldest goes to school, we would have to split up the family and live isolated from my husband and oldest.  I really don’t want to do that.  It would be hell on both my mental health and my younger child, to be isolated not just from the world but from the rest of the family.  My husband would no longer be able to see or help his parents, who are over 70 but have been unable to get vaccination appointments.  
 

The only other option is to say no, we can’t do that and once again pull my oldest out of school.  That would be the second year they did not complete a year of high school.  Realistically, it would delay their graduation by a year.  What college would look at that record and admit them, even with relatively high test scores?  It also risks destabilizing my oldest’s mental health, not having zoom classes to interact with people on.  
 

How do I choose?  What do I do?  Which child’s well being do I sacrifice?  Do I sacrifice my oldest’s education and possibly their future but keep my family safe, healthy, and together?  Or do I risk our family getting covid just when the prospect of a vaccine is on the horizon, with new and more contagious variants arising?  Or do I split the family, knowing I and likely my youngest child will probably not fare well.  Even trying to discuss this tonight, my youngest went completely catatonic and nonverbal and hid in the freezing cold car.  She went to bed without saying a word.  So I can’t really even get feedback from her.  Oldest says they’re fine quitting and repeating the year, but they aren’t saying a lot either.  The topic is so painful they can’t really discuss it.  My husband says the logical thing to do is sacrifice oldest’s education:  that we’re in a pandemic, end of the world situation and what looks good to college is a far lesser concern than getting through this without getting covid. 
 

I don’t think the school is being reckless.  They will require masks; they have small classes and plan to use the outdoors and leave windows open as much as they can. Teachers will be vaccinated.  If we were dealing with the same virus as we were in September, I would be anxious but would probably take the risk.  But the new variants terrify me.  Zoom classes have gone amazingly educationally here.  They say they’re bringing students back to help mental health.  The irony is their good intentions may destroy my family.  

[TravelingChris]

Wow-Impossible choices.  Though I will tell you that the very close to me private school has not closed except last Spring and has been in session since the Fall and I haven't heard of any closures of it, nor has their been any of the elementary school also very close.  I think the precautions in good private school in particular are much, much, much better than much of what is going on at some public schools plus there is a lot less people.

But I sure understand the very real concerns.  
\

However, about the new variants, I am fairly certain we have had a new variant here in my state and very likely in yours when we started having a lot more young people getting it and the elders not getting it.    That happened in mid- late Fall and in Dec, every strain was going strong but hospitalizations were still much more trending towards younger people.  There is hardly any testing of variants even now and there wasn't almost any in Fall.  That is because the normal COVID test just says positive or negative but labs have to do a lot more testing to get variants.

[Eos]

I'm very sorry, Terabith. 

Are there any mitigation strategies your older child could use that would allow you to feel a baseline of safety?  My dd goes to classes in a KN95 under a cloth mask that's inserted with a medical mask, clear plastic safety glasses (non-prescription, just a barrier) and carefully strips to shower when she gets home, isolating each batch of clothes.  Her fellow students are pretty darn cavalier, and she constantly sees them without masks inside the building but they are in a university setting and so not so easily "controlled" as high school.  You dh being vaccinated, maybe he can do the shopping and "outside" errands for four months to further mitigate the risks?  Could you hire someone to help dh's parents just from March to June or else just shop for them and "see" them over zoom?  None of these are easy or good, just coping for those four months.  

Please know, I'm not minimizing your stress, I'm just trying to think about any techniques that would allow your oldest to continue school and your family to stay together and safe.

Edited February 6, 2023 by Eos

[Ausmumof3]

That is a super hard choice.  I don’t have great advice just sympathy.  I wonder if there’s any chance the school would allow her to continue remotely if you explained the ins and outs of the situation?  I know that might be clutching at straws but if there’s any chance I’d give it a bash. It may be that there are other families in the same boat who also would benefit from continued remote learning.  How long till you have to commit?  It would be nice to have another few weeks to see if cases continue trending down.

Edited February 3, 2021 by Ausmumof3

[wendyroo]

It might be expensive, but could you pull the oldest in March to “homeschool” the last quarter and try to find short, live, online classes to round out their credits?  Maybe a provider like Mr. D would let them join a math class just for the final quarter? There are other providers that offer 8-9 week courses. Outschool may have things. Or finishing classes up with you or a Great Courses or an online tutor if a class is simply not available.

From the colleges’ perspective, it would just look like they homeschooled this year and earned all the credits they are already working on.

Maybe if you explained the situation to the private school, they would agree to accept your “homeschool” credits (3/4 done with them anyway) and let your oldest rejoin classes in the fall.

[Katy]

I think your husband is right; furthermore an essay about their journey and the struggle to keep on track while keeping high risk sibling safe will likely make for a compelling case that they will contribute some diversity to the class. Also an extra year at home so you can safeguard mental health is better for everyone. So many kids struggle with hitting adulthood and spiral into mental health issues around 18-19, just because of their age and brain changes, other circumstances outstanding. The extra year with parental structure might give you all some relief. 

[Innisfree]

Hugs, Terabith. I remember the time when your older child wasn't doing well. What an awful dilemma.

Isn't their school really, truly tiny? Could that bring some flexibility with it?

Would it be possible to explain the situation to them, bring information about the variants in, and make a case for either a hybrid option or some sort of accommodations for your dc?

I've heard that the B.1.1.7 variant is supposed to be dominant in my area  by March. The schools have repeatedly set dates to bring kids back, but each time, as that date approaches it gets shifted back again. Any chance of that happening, especially if you provide ample documentation? Can you find anything about predictions for your area to back up your concerns, and help the school administration understand?

[Junie]

I think you should talk to the school and let them help you figure out a way for her to finish the school year at home.

[Kanin]

2 minutes ago, Junie said:

I think you should talk to the school and let them help you figure out a way for her to finish the school year at home.

Me, too. It's possible that they would allow her to stay home while the other kids are in person... schools everywhere have some kids at home and some kids in-person at the same time. 

Crying often gets people to reconsider.... especially if the principal is a man. Especially if you're on Zoom so he can see your face. Just sayin'. 🙂 

[mommyoffive]

So many great ideas. 

 

1. Talk to the school and see if she could stay home.   Our school district has been in-person since fall.  But they are letting kids attend the classes from home too. 

2.  If you are ok with the risk I would have your dd wear 2 masks and glasses or shield. 

Or

Homeschool but use some live classes for the mental health.  Outschool or other providers. 

 

We have been at home since March.  Dh has gone into work maybe 4 or 5 times.  My kids haven't been around other kids in-person since March.  What is keeping them sane is their school which offers live classes with all their peers.  They also do live ballet lessons.  Even things that are not school classes, a fun club or workout class that is live with other people would be helpful.  I so want to let them back to doing things with people again.  And on the one hand it looks better.  Lower rates on everything in our state right now.  But the new mutations could change everything.  

Edited February 3, 2021 by mommyoffive

[Drama Llama]

I work in a school, so I'm watching what schools are doing.

I think there has been an incredible amount of throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks during this pandemic.  Every school in our area has made multiple announcements about how they're going to do things, and then had to change because either they realize that the first plan wasn't workable, or that parents pushed back, or the pattern of community spread changed

I think if you push back, and tie it to specific health vulnerabilities and your child's mental health, they're going to need to listen. 

[catz]

One thing I would not worry about is delaying college for a year.  Especially for a kid that is smart and will likely use their time well.   Could make a strong essay and/or application actually. There are going to be many out of the box college journeys over the next few years. I am delaying my own young junior/old sophomore to a sophomore to give us some padding during this crazy time and I’m hoping she can take advantage of 2 years of free DE starting in the fall.  I wouldn’t even call that path sacrificing your oldest education.  I would call it making the best of the situation in front of you.  It’s not like she needs to lay in bed for 6 months.   Especially for kids with mental health struggles, launching to a more typical college experience may be better a year later.  So many kids without known mental health issues struggle that first year of college.  
 

I think talking to the school is a good first step to see if they can work with you.  But all is not lost no matter what.   You will find a path.  More than anything, I’d make sure everyone has help with mental health during this time.  

Edited February 3, 2021 by FuzzyCatz

[Sherry in OH]

Contact the school to discuss your family's situation.   Does the school have a policy in place for students requiring school at home for extended periods due to medical situations?  If so, could that policy be invoked?  

[PeterPan]

57 minutes ago, Junie said:

I think you should talk to the school and let them help you figure out a way for her to finish the school year at home.

This. If you pull and homeschool, they don't have to accept her credits, which makes a whole other cascade. So you need some kind of agreement with them. The easiest would be for them to provide a school at home option, their teachers grading, blah blah.

Personally, just me, I would do the more reckless thing and just send her anyway. Put a Happy Mask on her and send her. Odds of her getting it are low. 

Total aside, but if you have your genetics, you might look at gene NBPF3 and the RS4654748. I started taking P5P based on those results and I'm off my anxiety med. Super uncommon explanation but still it can be for some people.

I'm sorry your state isn't getting the elderly vaccinated btw. I can see how stressful that is. On the other hand, that may mean you're a low frequency area. They've been doling them out in a strategic way. So again, I don't see why your dd's school placement decides their health. They wear a Happy Mask, he wears a mask and a plastic face shield, life moves on. If he's been vaccinated AND wears PPE, that's really minimizing the risk. And the risk to yourself, well we take this all the time to help our kids. That's why I'm saying if the school will not develop an at home plan, I personally would just send her but put a good mask on her. The stats are not bad on that. It's the private behavior that is resulting in spikes, not the group settings where people are following the guidelines.

[Farrar]

I would take worrying about college out of the equation. If your child were aiming to get into tippy top schools or something, then yes, having what I call a messy transcript could hurt them. But for midtier privates and for all but the top top publics, it's not going to be anywhere near as big a factor as you might think. I've helped several kids with transcripts that are all over the place who finished with homeschooling and some of them have gotten great aid and good acceptances, especially from privates that are less selective, but sometimes places that still have biggish names, like Colleges That Change Lives type schools, and have gotten into good public schools as well. 

The Covid question will still be on the Common App when your student applies, even if they wait. They won't have to choose to write an essay about this specifically and unless it's the best essay and they have something in depth to say about it, I wouldn't actually suggest that. This sort of story is going to be relatively common.

That doesn't mean you should necessarily keep them home. I'm just saying, take the college worry off the table for your own sanity in thinking this through.

[SKL]

I think I would try to make it work with keeping family members' germs away from each other for those couple of months.  It is not such a long time.  Perhaps you could come up with a temporary floor plan where people could all stay in the house but just not share germs.  And by then, there is a chance that more vaxes will be available for those of you at higher risk.

[Carol in Cal.]

Wow, that is bad.

I think in this circumstance I would try to get the school to embrace a hybrid model—some online and some in person.  I suspect that there are others who would prefer the online option, and the school might do better offering both especially since they are so small.

Also, I would start thinking about how to position the year as a gap year for your oldest if you end up pulling her out of that school.  I would not worry about it very much as I think college admissions are going to be a lot more flexible going forward, but it might be a way to rescue the year at home for her as well as potentially helping with college later on.

[prairiewindmomma]

Hugs.

These are things that have me still waking in a panic at 3 am. We are starting to have to bump into real decision making also. 
 

I am team “push back”, fwiw.

[Terabith]

The school IS tiny...like 60 kids total, which is why if variants weren't an issue, I would be nervous but willing to take the risk.  But variants ARE a risk.  I mean, things are really, really bad in Europe and Brazil.  I emailed both my doctor and my younger child's doctor; they confirmed that it's going to be months before we can be vaccinated.  I strongly suspect the school will work with us and allow my oldest to attend virtually, but the email that went out specifically said "no virtual option," and also required us to respond to their intent to return form as of noon tomorrow.  It's possible a large enough percentage of the school will not be comfortable with returning and they will jettison the plans.  It's possible the variants will arrive and they will scrap their return to school in person plans.  The issue is I have to be prepared that neither of those things will happen.  In practice, I doubt I will have to make the choice, but I have to be prepared to make it.  THAT'S what is eating me up.  

I mean, the choice is made.  My husband feels strongly that we're not going to split up the family, that the danger to mental health to *the family as a whole* is too high to separate and isolate us.  I just feel sick about the whole thing.  

 

[Drama Llama]

5 minutes ago, Terabith said:

The school IS tiny...like 60 kids total, which is why if variants weren't an issue, I would be nervous but willing to take the risk.  But variants ARE a risk.  I mean, things are really, really bad in Europe and Brazil.  I emailed both my doctor and my younger child's doctor; they confirmed that it's going to be months before we can be vaccinated.  I strongly suspect the school will work with us and allow my oldest to attend virtually, but the email that went out specifically said "no virtual option," and also required us to respond to their intent to return form as of noon tomorrow.  It's possible a large enough percentage of the school will not be comfortable with returning and they will jettison the plans.  It's possible the variants will arrive and they will scrap their return to school in person plans.  The issue is I have to be prepared that neither of those things will happen.  In practice, I doubt I will have to make the choice, but I have to be prepared to make it.  THAT'S what is eating me up.  

I mean, the choice is made.  My husband feels strongly that we're not going to split up the family, that the danger to mental health to *the family as a whole* is too high to separate and isolate us.  I just feel sick about the whole thing.  

 

I feel sick that you face this choice, but I think your husband is 100% right.  

[aaplank]

We are in a similar situation. My son got into an Exercise Science program at the local tech school. It is a big deal for him as he wants to pursue physical therapy and will help him get into a competitive PTA program after he graduates. Due to the nature of the program, basically it's a gym, there is more risk involved.

My daughter has significant health issues as do I.  We have basically been on lockdown from the beginning. We agonized about sending my son to school because of the risks. There were no easy answers and we're still taking it one day at a time.  I've talked to all the school administration and begged them to please let there be a way for him to do the program remotely, but because it is a lab program, it is impossible.

So we made the decision to have him go, but he has to be quarantined at home.  When he comes home from school, he strips down and leaves all his contaminated clothes in a hamper in the garage. He Lysol sprays his bookbag and shoes. He immediately takes a shower.  He must wear a mask at all times when he is walking through the house, but we have him stay in his bedroom and eat off paper plates and disposable silverware.  We talk to each other through video chat.

It's a horrible way to live.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy trying to manage it all. I miss him so much, even though he's in the house every day.  The only thing that is keeping me going now that he is thriving at school.  He loves it, and is taking on leadership roles and getting many opportunities there that I can't provide for him with homeschooling.  

With the variants, I'm just not sure if all our safety measures are good enough, so I don't know what we are going to do. I don't have anywhere he can go to live so that he can continue to go to school.

I know it's a tough decision for your family.  I hope you find the wisdom and strength you need to navigate all the ins and outs of your decision.  There are just no good answers.

[katilac]

Are you paying by the month, or on the hook for the semester even if she quits? Because my ideal would be to have her start and just see what happens. I'd certainly sign the intent to return form if it's simply paperwork and not a financial agreement. 

Why could she not finish the school year at home? It sounds like she's in a good place now, and it's not like she'll have anything else to do, lol. I wouldn't want to make delaying graduation the only choice, when it doesn't have to be. I mean, if she likes the virtual classes, it's not like this school is the only one that offers them. A lot of well-known providers, like WTM Academy, are booked for this year, but there are others.  Outschool is making bank right now exactly because they're offering a wide variety of Zoom classes to pandemic schoolers, many academic, many just social. I don't at all see why she would have to delay graduation just because she can't finish the year at this school. 

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

Are you paying by the month, or on the hook for the semester even if she quits? Because my ideal would be to have her start and just see what happens. I'd certainly sign the intent to return form if it's simply paperwork and not a financial agreement. 

Why could she not finish the school year at home? It sounds like she's in a good place now, and it's not like she'll have anything else to do, lol. I wouldn't want to make delaying graduation the only choice, when it doesn't have to be. I mean, if she likes the virtual classes, it's not like this school is the only one that offers them. A lot of well-known providers, like WTM Academy, are booked for this year, but there are others.  Outschool is making bank right now exactly because they're offering a wide variety of Zoom classes to pandemic schoolers, many academic, many just social. I don't at all see why she would have to delay graduation just because she can't finish the year at this school. 

We've already paid for the entire year.  

They wouldn't get credit for the courses they didn't finish.  They'd get credit for first semester classes, but not second semester classes.  Coupled with the lost semester sophomore year (completed a quarter of work, but genuinely didn't really do second quarter work), there'd be no way to graduate on time.  I don't know of many online courses where you could jump into the last quarter of 11th grade.  I mean, we could probably do the last bit to get them ready for the AP Calc test, but the other courses are computer science, Spanish 3, US history, Russian Science Fiction, and theater.  

I've already spent one school year trying to figure out (and failing) how to do Spanish 3 from mid year.  

I suspect that the school will work with us, in practice, but their email does say "no virtual option."  They really love Lyr, though, so I think they'll make an effort to figure something out.  

[Lilaclady]

14 minutes ago, Terabith said:

 

I've already spent one school year trying to figure out (and failing) how to do Spanish 3 from mid year.  

 

For Spanish 3, I will suggest homeschool Spanish academy. They will do a test and place the student and then, continue from there. You schedule what days/times work for you. All the best with the decisions. 

[katilac]

25 minutes ago, Terabith said:

We've already paid for the entire year.  

They wouldn't get credit for the courses they didn't finish.  They'd get credit for first semester classes, but not second semester classes.  Coupled with the lost semester sophomore year (completed a quarter of work, but genuinely didn't really do second quarter work), there'd be no way to graduate on time.  I don't know of many online courses where you could jump into the last quarter of 11th grade.  I mean, we could probably do the last bit to get them ready for the AP Calc test, but the other courses are computer science, Spanish 3, US history, Russian Science Fiction, and theater.  

I've already spent one school year trying to figure out (and failing) how to do Spanish 3 from mid year.  

I suspect that the school will work with us, in practice, but their email does say "no virtual option."  They really love Lyr, though, so I think they'll make an effort to figure something out.  

Well, if you've paid, then absolutely I would give her the choice of continuing for now and quitting as needed in March. I would absolutely be raring for a prorated refund if they don't work with you, though - this is a matter of health and safety, not her deciding to go to another school. 

They don't have to give credit; she can continue the general topic of the course at home and YOU award credit. She has one lost semester and now this problematic semester? She can absolutely graduate on time, if that's what she wants. Random ideas in no special order: 

• If you can't get her into the core academic classes she needs remotely, simply choose some things that are fun electives or strictly social. Zoom might be mainly the social part of the puzzle. 
• AP calc: sounds like you have it covered; you could add in a remote tutor or ALEKS as needed 
• Spanish 3: she'll have 6 of the 9 months done by the end of February, which should put her close to the finishing the 70% of the textbook that most schools/systems require, so simply do your best. Hire a remote tutor; focus on conversation if correlating the tutor with the book is too much. Or have her work through the book as best she can, perhaps working mostly on vocabulary. 
• Russian science fiction: I see no reason she can't finish this at home. If she doesn't like it or you can't find books, simply move on and have Russian science fiction be one part of a general science fiction credit, or read some mysteries and then some autobiographies and make it a credit in literary genres. 
• US history: extremely doable at home and there approximately nine hundred and seventy six zillion resources. 
• computer science: this can mean a lot of things; there are certainly ways to self study, there are usually quite a few MOOCs, or she can choose a different elective if it's not of strong interest.
• theater: absolutely doable at home, many many resources available,  Outschool has a variety of classes; there are entire colleges full of theater majors who will graduate with a year and a half of fully remote classes 
• post here, thread title: I need help designing an XYZ class! Build the thread, and we will come. 
• she is hardly going to be the only kid with a scattered and wonky transcript 
• she has relatively high test scores; that and a wonky transcript will get her into plenty of colleges that will give her a great education

I hope she can finish the year at her school, but if she can't? She can absolutely, positively still graduate on time if that's what she wants. An additional year is not the end of the world for sure, but it doesn't have to happen, and forward momentum can be very powerful and important to young people who are struggling with anxiety and/or depression. Just know that it's a choice, and tell her that it's a choice. Knowing you have choices makes all the difference.

 

[Terabith]

26 minutes ago, katilac said:

Well, if you've paid, then absolutely I would give her the choice of continuing for now and quitting as needed in March. I would absolutely be raring for a prorated refund if they don't work with you, though - this is a matter of health and safety, not her deciding to go to another school. 

They don't have to give credit; she can continue the general topic of the course at home and YOU award credit. She has one lost semester and now this problematic semester? She can absolutely graduate on time, if that's what she wants. Random ideas in no special order: 

• If you can't get her into the core academic classes she needs remotely, simply choose some things that are fun electives or strictly social. Zoom might be mainly the social part of the puzzle. 
• AP calc: sounds like you have it covered; you could add in a remote tutor or ALEKS as needed 
• Spanish 3: she'll have 6 of the 9 months done by the end of February, which should put her close to the finishing the 70% of the textbook that most schools/systems require, so simply do your best. Hire a remote tutor; focus on conversation if correlating the tutor with the book is too much. Or have her work through the book as best she can, perhaps working mostly on vocabulary. 
• Russian science fiction: I see no reason she can't finish this at home. If she doesn't like it or you can't find books, simply move on and have Russian science fiction be one part of a general science fiction credit, or read some mysteries and then some autobiographies and make it a credit in literary genres. 
• US history: extremely doable at home and there approximately nine hundred and seventy six zillion resources. 
• computer science: this can mean a lot of things; there are certainly ways to self study, there are usually quite a few MOOCs, or she can choose a different elective if it's not of strong interest.
• theater: absolutely doable at home, many many resources available,  Outschool has a variety of classes; there are entire colleges full of theater majors who will graduate with a year and a half of fully remote classes 
• post here, thread title: I need help designing an XYZ class! Build the thread, and we will come. 
• she is hardly going to be the only kid with a scattered and wonky transcript 
• she has relatively high test scores; that and a wonky transcript will get her into plenty of colleges that will give her a great education

I hope she can finish the year at her school, but if she can't? She can absolutely, positively still graduate on time if that's what she wants. An additional year is not the end of the world for sure, but it doesn't have to happen, and forward momentum can be very powerful and important to young people who are struggling with anxiety and/or depression. Just know that it's a choice, and tell her that it's a choice. Knowing you have choices makes all the difference.

 

Lyr's definitely staying until end of March at their school, which is when they're projected to go back.  And it's not that I couldn't homeschool the courses (except the Spanish 3, which yeah, Homeschool Spanish Academy makes sense).  The issue is that I don't know that their current school would award credit for courses finished at home, and we fully intent to go back to this school next school year.  (Please God, I'm assuming we can all be vaccinated by September.)  I'm not sure they could graduate on time from THIS SCHOOL, and I think the advantages that this school have to offer Lyr are more than the advantages of graduating on time.  This school has been absolutely perfect for Lyr, and I am so incredibly grateful to them.  

Hopefully, it won't be an issue and they'll work with us.  There's a parent meeting on Monday; I plan to raise some questions, and I've sent them an email.  

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Lyr's definitely staying until end of March at their school, which is when they're projected to go back.  And it's not that I couldn't homeschool the courses (except the Spanish 3, which yeah, Homeschool Spanish Academy makes sense).  The issue is that I don't know that their current school would award credit for courses finished at home, and we fully intent to go back to this school next school year.  (Please God, I'm assuming we can all be vaccinated by September.)  I'm not sure they could graduate on time from THIS SCHOOL, and I think the advantages that this school have to offer Lyr are more than the advantages of graduating on time.  This school has been absolutely perfect for Lyr, and I am so incredibly grateful to them.  

Hopefully, it won't be an issue and they'll work with us.  There's a parent meeting on Monday; I plan to raise some questions, and I've sent them an email.  

Oh jeez, the end of March? They should definitely work with you. Pro tip: if you know any other parents that might want the remote option, talk to them as soon as you can and make a plan for the meeting. It's good to raise questions at the meeting; it will be twice as powerful if another parent (or more) chimes in with agreement. People are far more likely to actually speak up if they plan it in advance, and if you do the heavy lifting of bringing the topic up. 

I think Lyr probably agrees with you about the advantages of the school vs graduating on time, but I would still present it as a choice. Having a choice is extremely empowering and uplifting. I've seen plenty of kids happily choose our local uni after high school, and I've seen plenty of kids disappointed because they had to go there (either couldn't do other options or simply didn't know about them); the lack of choice drove most of the disappointment - given a choice, many/most of them would have wound up at the same school in the end, but something you don't choose loses lustre. 

You may not have realized this about me, but I think that making conscious choices in life is extremely important 😄

[Shoeless]

Do they have any kind of a homebound option for students? What have they done in the past for students that develop health issues and have to be out of school for an extended period of time? 

[Dmmetler]

What is the school's plan if students need to be quarantined? Most schools that have gone in person have a hybrid option where the student joins the zoom/meet and the teacher in person teaches both on the meet and live (usually projecting the meet and sharing visuals, etc in the meet, but so everyone can see it).  

I'd also look at whether your DC could attend part time, for outdoor parts of the day, but do other work at home, for social reasons, since if most of the class is back in person, the zoom may end up being more watching and e-mailing questions to the teacher, and not be as emotionally beneficial. 

I would think that the school would be willing to work out something for the last quarter, especially given the history, and that if your eldest can keep the connection and knows next year will happen, that might help to keep them afloat from March-May.

[Pam in CT]

Aw, honey.  (( Terabith ))

Take a breath. This is what the school WANTS to do, but who knows, now, how that goal may morph. Your family is not the only family with these kinds of issues.

And take a breath re college as well. There are tens of thousands of kids who've been thrown into tailspins over the last year. Messy transcripts will be the rule, not the exception, for some time. (A story: a very good friend of my now-HS senior youngest, who's suffered through extreme mental health issues that largely track what your own kid has gone through... and ended up missing nearly all of their sophomore and junior years, availed of the COVID hiatus to prep for and take the GED and a host of APs offered virtually due to COVID; then took several university courses virtually over the summer and last fall; and just started Brandeis (in person) this week. Their high school transcript could NOT have been messier and yet they landed just fine viz a range of college outcomes.)

Three separate strands of counsel:

1. Tell the school everything you said in the OP, literally all of it; and ask them to work with you.  Most schools, public and private, really do want the best thing for their kids, and most schools really do work with families who enter into the work with good faith, good social and negotiation skills, and a solutions-based (rather than zero sum - "my way or we walk/sue/give up"-based) mindset. Don't presume that the choices you laid out in the OP are the only alternatives in the universe... once you and the school have embarked on the work.
2. Involve the kid whose health and education this is about, and privilege their perspective. It's their mental health and it's their education; and they are nearly grown. Yes, they're going through a rough time and you want to protect them; but they know better than you what that time looks like on the inside.
3. Work HARD to accelerate vaccination for all family members who haven't been vaccinated yet.  My sister-in-law, cousin, and I have all found that sustained and persistent scouring of the exact protocols and deployment sites in five different states, and late-night-continual refreshes of appointment sign-ups, has enabled the seniors in our lives to get slots earlier rather than later. In my area, I know two people who essentially got lucky, being physically close to mobile test sites towards the end of the shift about to close up shop... and they had extra  doses left due either to no-shows or those sixth-doses in some of the Pfizer vials.  The J&J vaccine looks to be on track to be available under EU by end-Feb or early March, and that will vastly expand availability; and they have been testing that one for kids 12-18.

 

I know you're anxious to make this decision RIGHT NOW based on what you have laid before you RIGHT NOW. But all sorts of circumstances may be different by end-March. I would start with trying to open (not conclude) explorations of concerns and goals with both kid and school.

[lmrich]

On 2/3/2021 at 9:41 AM, BaseballandHockey said:

I work in a school, so I'm watching what schools are doing.

I think there has been an incredible amount of throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks during this pandemic.  Every school in our area has made multiple announcements about how they're going to do things, and then had to change because either they realize that the first plan wasn't workable, or that parents pushed back, or the pattern of community spread changed

I think if you push back, and tie it to specific health vulnerabilities and your child's mental health, they're going to need to listen. 

This - no one really knows what is going to happen (cue the anxiety), but I would talk to the school about alternatives. Hope you can get some peace about this. 

[Terabith]

The school emailed me back today and said we aren't the only family and that they'll figure out a way for Lyr to finish virtually.  So, that is good.  

I mean, apparently there's community spread of the UK variant in DC only a few hours from here, so I have a feeling the school won't be going back at the end of March, but we will see.  

[Garga]

55 minutes ago, Terabith said:

The school emailed me back today and said we aren't the only family and that they'll figure out a way for Lyr to finish virtually.  So, that is good.  

I mean, apparently there's community spread of the UK variant in DC only a few hours from here, so I have a feeling the school won't be going back at the end of March, but we will see.  

Oh, what a relief. I didn’t get a chance to respond earlier, but I’d have said to contact the school asap and explain that they’ve put you in a terrible plight. 

I’m so glad that they are being reasonable.

Edited February 5, 2021 by Garga

[Lawyer&Mom]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

The school emailed me back today and said we aren't the only family and that they'll figure out a way for Lyr to finish virtually.  So, that is good.  

I mean, apparently there's community spread of the UK variant in DC only a few hours from here, so I have a feeling the school won't be going back at the end of March, but we will see.  

Oh thank goodness.  Because as an Autistic with anxiety who is in my 12th month of long COVID, I don’t want you guys to risk in person school. Not when we are so close to vaccines.  I see a lot of neurodiverse people on my long COVID forum. I think we have genes which predispose us to inflammation, autonomic and auto-immune issues.  And worst case, waiting an extra year for college is probably not a bad idea if there are any EF issues. 

[Lawyer&Mom]

Have you done DNA to check for methylation issues?  Going on Folinic acid has made a huge difference for my anxiety.

[mommyoffive]

2 hours ago, Terabith said:

The school emailed me back today and said we aren't the only family and that they'll figure out a way for Lyr to finish virtually.  So, that is good.  

I mean, apparently there's community spread of the UK variant in DC only a few hours from here, so I have a feeling the school won't be going back at the end of March, but we will see.  

Oh what a relief.  I am so glad that they said that.  It must be a huge weight lifted off everyone's shoulders.