MEmama Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, happysmileylady said: This is such an interesting perspective to me. I personally am somewhere in the middle. My SIL called to tell ME Happy Mother's Day. She does it every year, and I have always found it strange. She also calls me..............on DH's phone.......which I also think is weird since she has my phone number. Anyway, from that perspective, I do find it weird. BUT....from DH.....I absolutely want to hear that he appreciates that I am the mother of his children, and do all the mommy things for his kids. I don't tell my sister Happy Mother's Day. Or my SIL. Or my aunt, or any other people I know who have kids. But from my DH, it's about the role I play in the life of his kids....much like for Father's Day, telling him Happy Father's Day is about my appreciation for the things he does in that father role for my kids. And that’s why I hope she is able to communicate to her DH why it’s important to her. He might be coming at it from a different angle and have no idea how or why his indifference hurts her. Communication is paramount. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Not knowing the neighbor or custormy habits, I would assume the neighbor mother wanted to mow the lawn. Either because she enjoyes it, wants to get away from said individuals inside, or needs something to do while others are busy doing other things. Sometimes it is less "work" and "stress" for me to do something myself than have someone else do it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vmsurbat1 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 2 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said: Maybe it's the quietest hour of her day and she enjoys it. I hope she enjoys it, but I also hope it isn't literally "the quietest hour" of her day! 😎 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 If I was your neighbor and noticed such things I probably would already know you do the mowing. Division of labor is so different for each family. Unless everyone else was always being lazy slackers, I would not be judgy about you mowing regardless of the day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, MEmama said: Ugh, sorry, I’m with your DH. I get so annoyed at people who wish me a happy Mother’s Day. Seriously, unless you are my son you have no business saying it to me. Idk why but it really, really upsets me. Especially random people at the grocery or whatever, who would have no way of knowing whether I am a mother or not. It’s just so sexist. But I also thinks it’s weird to hear it from friends or even stranger, my own mom. I DEFINITELY don’t want it to hear it from my HUSBAND! That’s just all kinds of eww. I wish all of my friends a Happy Mother's Day! I hope they are not offended. I know so many wonderful moms (and dads) and love sending them wishes for a nice day even though I'm not big on Mother's Day for myself. But I wouldn't say it to a stranger. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, medawyn said: My mother’s request for Mother’s Day was to deep clean either the basement or the garage, so I just assume labor is a part of everyone’s Mother’s Day. BTW, the gift was not complaining during cleaning; she could make us just clean any day. Yes! Everyone cleaning and not being jerks about it is a great gift! 1 hour ago, MEmama said: Ugh, sorry, I’m with your DH. I get so annoyed at people who wish me a happy Mother’s Day. Seriously, unless you are my son you have no business saying it to me. Idk why but it really, really upsets me. Especially random people at the grocery or whatever, who would have no way of knowing whether I am a mother or not. It’s just so sexist. But I also thinks it’s weird to hear it from friends or even stranger, my own mom. I DEFINITELY don’t want it to hear it from my HUSBAND! That’s just all kinds of eww. I am sorry to hear it upsets you, though. Maybe you can explain to him that you find it hurtful. Hmm...never heard this! I mean, people wish men happy father's day, so not sure how it is sexist? And my family always celebrates it in the nuclear family more than extended .... my dad would help us kids do something for my mom, and pamper her. My husband helps my kids do that, and made me breakfast, etc. I'm not HIS mother but I'm the mother of his kids, and he appreciates that role that I play. I do the same for him on Father's day. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, vmsurbat1 said: I hope she enjoys it, but I also hope it isn't literally "the quietest hour" of her day! 😎 Well as someone has been locked in with 2 teens and a spouse running full time meetings virtually in my living room, the hum of a mower does sound like a relaxing change of pace. 😂 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 33 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Yes! Everyone cleaning and not being jerks about it is a great gift! Hmm...never heard this! I mean, people wish men happy father's day, so not sure how it is sexist? And my family always celebrates it in the nuclear family more than extended .... my dad would help us kids do something for my mom, and pamper her. My husband helps my kids do that, and made me breakfast, etc. I'm not HIS mother but I'm the mother of his kids, and he appreciates that role that I play. I do the same for him on Father's day. It’s sexist when complete strangers wish a woman happy Mother’s Day. Why make the assumption an adult woman is a parent? Same would go for a random dude being wished a happy Father’s Day. The whole thing is just so weird to me. No doubt I’m in the minority, though. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 16 minutes ago, MEmama said: It’s sexist when complete strangers wish a woman happy Mother’s Day. Why make the assumption an adult woman is a parent? Same would go for a random dude being wished a happy Father’s Day. The whole thing is just so weird to me. No doubt I’m in the minority, though. Lol Well, but if one makes asumptions about parenthood about both sexes, I don't know that it is sexist, just rude. If they only do it with women, I guess then maybe. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 9 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Well, but if one makes asumptions about parenthood about both sexes, I don't know that it is sexist, just rude. If they only do it with women, I guess then maybe. Ok, it’s rude then. I’ve never heard anyone say the equivalent to a man, though, but may be they do. Either way I don’t like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 I wouldn't think anything of it at all. 5 hours ago, RootAnn said: I assume She doesn't love mowing since they hired a lawn service now. My dh likes mowing the lawn and thinks he's the bestest at it, lol, but his work schedule now makes it impractical. Well, not RIGHT now, but he's not about to risk losing a good lawn guy by doing it himself during quarantine 😄 2 hours ago, vmsurbat1 said: I hope she enjoys it, but I also hope it isn't literally "the quietest hour" of her day! 😎 It can be pretty quiet with noise-canceling headphones! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Not a big deal..Since the boys are all grown and moved out, I started doing yard work. I always trimmed the hedges and the kids would help clean up the trimmings but now I push mow the yard and edge. I like the solitude, and really don't mind. My son came over yesterday for a "mothers day" visit and today DH and I did the hedges and my daughter helped clean up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 I wouldn't think anything of it. Some people like to mow. We celebrate Mother's Day with gifts and a meal like we celebrate other holidays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Well thank you all for your replies. Dh and I really enjoyed getting many perspectives. Funny enough, dh actually ended up mowing the lawn today. Mainly because the baby is in a rather nurse all day phase and we wanted it done before some relatives came by to have an outside dance party for my dd's bday. When I was outside with my family I had to talk to the neighbor about a package that was going to be accidentally sent to her house. So, we chatted for a few minutes. One of the things she said, "I noticed dh mowed the lawn today. It must be so nice that he actually had time to do it for once." I laughed so hard. She was a bit confused. 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintinative Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 4 hours ago, MEmama said: And that’s why I hope she is able to communicate to her DH why it’s important to her. He might be coming at it from a different angle and have no idea how or why his indifference hurts her. Communication is paramount. I think he thought he was being funny. Trust me, if eyes had laser beams, he would have been a pile of ash. LOL. I am in the "I am the mother of your children, and a homeschool mom, so I would like some verbal appreciation" camp. I really don't even expect cards or a present. But if they don't even say thank you, I do feel neglected. Maybe that is passive-aggressive of me? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I would have assumed she was tired of hearing human voices. 🙂 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 26 minutes ago, cintinative said: I think he thought he was being funny. Trust me, if eyes had laser beams, he would have been a pile of ash. LOL. I am in the "I am the mother of your children, and a homeschool mom, so I would like some verbal appreciation" camp. I really don't even expect cards or a present. But if they don't even say thank you, I do feel neglected. Maybe that is passive-aggressive of me? Hardly. If it is any consolation, *I* am glad you mother your kids. Hellz, if I was there, I'd probably fold some laundry with you to show sincerity. 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 13 hours ago, hjffkj said: First off, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers. Second, what would you think if you saw your neighbor who is a mother mowing the lawn this morning knowing full well there are healthy able bodied non-mothers in the house. This is not an issue, no hard feelings in this house. Just an interesting conversation dh and I had this morning after a random comment was made. I'll give more details once I see what other people might think of the scenario. Eh, I go about doing my thing regardless of what day it is, so if mowing the lawn was what she normally did, I wouldn't think twice about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I would think "Oh, look, there's $NAME mowing the lawn. I should call out and wish her a happy mother's day!" I mean, is her Mother's Day going to be any happier because I sit at my window judging her and her family? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 14 hours ago, hjffkj said: First off, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers. Second, what would you think if you saw your neighbor who is a mother mowing the lawn this morning knowing full well there are healthy able bodied non-mothers in the house. This is not an issue, no hard feelings in this house. Just an interesting conversation dh and I had this morning after a random comment was made. I'll give more details once I see what other people might think of the scenario. I would have thought that she maybe liked mowing, or didn't celebrate Mother's Day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, cintinative said: I think he thought he was being funny. Trust me, if eyes had laser beams, he would have been a pile of ash. LOL. I am in the "I am the mother of your children, and a homeschool mom, so I would like some verbal appreciation" camp. I really don't even expect cards or a present. But if they don't even say thank you, I do feel neglected. Maybe that is passive-aggressive of me? I don’t think so! Of course everyone wants to feel appreciated; if Mother’s Day is important to you, then he should know that and behave accordingly. Otherwise yeah, it seems a bit mean of him to make a joke of it. It’s not a given that everyone does feel that way, is all I was trying to say. In which case your feelings and expectations might have have to be clearly spelled out to him. There’s nothing passive aggressive about good communication. 🙂 Edited May 11, 2020 by MEmama 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Not commenting on MD because I was both cheered by and hurt by my kids this year and want to forget the whole thing... BUT A funny... I once heard a friend say she loved to mow the lawn because it was the one part of her home she could work on that would stay perfectly neat after doing so for more than 5 minutes! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Chris in VA said: Not commenting on MD because I was both cheered by and hurt by my kids this year and want to forget the whole thing... BUT A funny... I once heard a friend say she loved to mow the lawn because it was the one part of her home she could work on that would stay perfectly neat after doing so for more than 5 minutes! I’m sorry your Mother’s Day had some rough moments. I hate that and I’ve been there. im actually in the minority in my friend group because I despise mowing grass and all my friends love it. I wouldn’t assume anything about the family if the mom was mowing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I would have thought it odd before but I've taken over mowing here as dh doesn't have time with a full time job and full time college load. I don't mind it at all. I did not however do any work on Mother's Day (well hardly any), the family did my usual cooking and cleaning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 1) She enjoys yard work. Some people do. 🙂 2) She would have a more peaceful experience doing this herself than whatever it takes to get someone else to do it right. 3) Someone bought her a lawn mower for Mother's Day. 😛 4) There is some legitimate reason why the non-mothers are not doing this. 5) The non-mothers are creeps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 My own little pet peeve about Mother's Day is how many hangups there are around it recently. My goodness. The pastor yesterday went on and on with caveats before he finally felt like it was OK to say "happy mother's day to the mothers." I mean if you feel the need to apologize on my behalf for Mother's Day, let's just forget the whole thing. I don't usually wish other people (individually) happy Mother's day, except for my own mom or any mom who wishes me first. I do consider that to be something primarily done within the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 This could be me. I don’t feel like I can mow the lawn anytime without my neighbors going super judgy about my husband and sons. Definitely not on Mother’s Day. I am surrounded by people who seem to think it is the men’s job to pamper the women. It sounds nice but dh and I have a more practical relationship and I am just not in any need of pampering. If I mowed the yard any day of the year I would have my 75 yo neighbor man over here fighting to do it for me and people would be talking. It’s annoying honestly. I would not think a thing of a mom mowing but I get where your dh is coming from. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 3 hours ago, Chris in VA said: A funny... I once heard a friend say she loved to mow the lawn because it was the one part of her home she could work on that would stay perfectly neat after doing so for more than 5 minutes! yes!!!! I said just that to DH a while back! We all know that laundry is never actually done unless you are all naked, dishes just get dirty again, etc. But the lawn...I can mow it, and edge it, and blow it, and then go out a whole day later and it looks great still! I can clean the house all day and then the minute I turn my back to use the bathroom the kids have trashed it again. 27 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said: This could be me. I don’t feel like I can mow the lawn anytime without my neighbors going super judgy about my husband and sons. Definitely not on Mother’s Day. I am surrounded by people who seem to think it is the men’s job to pamper the women. It sounds nice but dh and I have a more practical relationship and I am just not in any need of pampering. If I mowed the yard any day of the year I would have my 75 yo neighbor man over here fighting to do it for me and people would be talking. It’s annoying honestly. I would not think a thing of a mom mowing but I get where your dh is coming from. So weird! Maybe Toro needs to make a line of pink lawn equipment so men figure out we are doing it because we want to, not because we have to! I have a hat I like to wear in the yard that sasy, "Live, Love, Mow" so pretty sure that would clarify to anyone that I'm enjoying it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I will admit to mowing the grass as a way of getting away from my family for a little while! You can't talk to me while I am mowing, and if you come out to ask me something, I am liable to see sticks in the yard you should pick up since I am mowing. Besides, the physical exertion can be helpful if frustration leads me out there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 She enjoys it and likes the free time outside. I like to mow. I can listen to music and get some exercise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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