Help me think this through. Teen bf/gf “hanging out” in parking lot for an hour.

[Hyacinth]

It’s a Sunday afternoon. Broad daylight. Target parking lot. Watching a Disney movie on one of their phones.

On one hand, I think, go on a real date! Go somewhere and get something to eat. Take a walk in a park. Or head to one of your houses and watch a movie there. 

On the other hand, what’s wrong with just hanging out like that? 

if this were your teen son or daughter, what would you think?
 

[Harriet Vane]

Did they specifically make arrangements to meet and hang out at the Target parking lot? Or did things simply unfold that way?

 

[Hyacinth]

One picked the other up with a vague plan of “shopping” (i.e., wandering the aisles of Target), and when that got boring they did the parking lot thing instead. 

[Carrie12345]

Kids are weird.

[Harriet Vane]

Sounds like teens, lol. It's the sort of date my little sister used to have with her now-husband. They liked to just hang out and be together and didn't want or need to be fancy. 

I kinda think it's a good idea to have nice dates (as in, planned to be lovely, even if only walking in the park) but have no quibbles with hanging out together wherever, not causing trouble, just glad to be together.

That said, I would likely make sure the teens in question know they can always come watch their silly movies at home.

[catz]

LOL, sometimes I hide in my car with my phone or iPad.  😂

Sounds totally like a teen thing to do as a parent of teens.  Sometimes weird things just unfold.  I wouldn't have an issue with it.  Assuming they had wifi or someone had a good data plan or a downloaded video.  LOL.  

[Reefgazer]

22 minutes ago, Hyacinth said:

It’s a Sunday afternoon. Broad daylight. Target parking lot. Watching a Disney movie on one of their phones.

On one hand, I think, go on a real date! Go somewhere and get something to eat. Take a walk in a park. Or head to one of your houses and watch a movie there. 

On the other hand, what’s wrong with just hanging out like that? 

if this were your teen son or daughter, what would you think?
 

They are on a real date!  Watching a movie and talking; DH and I did that when we were dating - just not on a phone in a parking lot, LOL.

[Zebra]

Assuming they were literally just sitting in the car watching a movie on their phone, I think this is perfectly normal teen behavior.

You get to a certain age and you just want some privacy, without other people breathing down your neck.   Your house, a restaurant, a movie theater all provide no privacy.  I remember feeling this way 25 years ago, and would have liked to be able to sit in a car with my i-phone and watch a movie with my now DH.

[Another Lynn]

They’re having their own drive in; I love it!

#bringbackthedriveins

[sweet2ndchance]

Movie theaters are expensive and an assault on the senses (or at least for me they are). Perhaps one half of the couple felt this way too and the compromise was to park in a public place (where hanky panky is more likely to be noticed and possibly reported which may have eased the parents' mind a little) and watch a movie in the car.

[hippiemamato3]

I see nothing wrong with this. ETA: I'm not sure what there is to "think through." I sit in the car and chat with friends sometimes. It's private and sometimes it's hard to find a place to speak alone, especially when you are a teen.

Edited March 1, 2020 by hippiemamato3

[alisoncooks]

Sounds pretty innocent to me. I thought this thread was going to be about less innocent parking lot hanging out...

[Terabith]

6 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

Yep. 

As long as they’re not sucking my data limit down to zero to do it. 😂

That would be my biggest concern.  

[Garga]

Sounds nice. I can’t imagine going on a date at 47 and having my date tell me, “We’re going to sit in my car and watch Tangled on my phone!”  😂  But for teens?  It’s sweet.

[marbel]

I could see it happening with my kids.  Our house is small and a terrible floor plan, and there is no place anyone can sit without people being in and out of the room constantly, out of necessity. Unless we planned ahead not to have to do laundry, go out to the garage, wash dishes... 

[Farrar]

I mean, adults would go somewhere and do the same thing, but like, with expensive coffee or food and teens don't have money to do that. But they also maybe want to go out and not be inside where parents are watching, even if they're not doing anything wrong. 

Like, my kids might do that in a non romantic context. I know one of mine once wandered around a community college that he and a friend had only the slightly connection with (she has a DE class there) for like three hours. I was like, what did you DO? He was like, nothing, we just hung out. At one point we went in the performing arts building to use the bathrooms. I'm like... that's it?

[teachermom2834]

I don’t think it is that weird. My teens, when they date, don’t get a lot of privacy. There are not many places we approve them being alone. So, honestly, this would be a way to have some private time together while not really being alone. I’m uptight about teen dating but I don’t hate this. I might roll my eyes or relay it to a friend or dh as amusing or odd but I would be totally fine with it. 

[Pen]

Nothing much about it as a date.  

Though if my kid, I’d wonder where he got a car, since he doesn’t have one yet.   

[Garga]

Thinking it through, when I’m out with a friend and we are carpooling and we get to the person’s house to be dropped off, we often will sit in the car for a good hour (or two sometimes) socializing. If we were to go in the house, there would be husbands and kids and noise.  

I kinda like sitting in a car talking to a friend.  

[katilac]

I'm not even sure why buying food or watching a movie in a different location would be more of a date? 

[MercyA]

I think it's cute. Wouldn't have the slightest problem with it. 

[teachermom2834]

I posted up thread that I didn’t have a problem with it and it was probably just a way to be alone without being alone in some way that parents didn’t approve of.

However, I did just think of why this would upset some people. I live in a very traditional area and teen dating is very much one where the boy has to pay for everything, bring flowers frequently, pull out all the stops, etc in order to gain approval of the parents and prove themselves a worthy partner. I absolutely have people in my life that would be bothered by this as disrespectful to their daughter to just take her to sit in a car and that they wouldn’t want their daughter treated that way. 
 

I don’t feel that way at all and boys spending tons of money on girlfriends when they have their own needs and future to be saving for drives me nuts. We moved to this town with teen boys (very handsome and smart if I do say so myself) and they were not really datable because we wouldn’t bankroll what was needed and they couldn’t keep up with just their part time jobs. If one of my boys had had this “date” with a girlfriend I absolutely think he would be confronted by the father for not treating his daughter right. So, while I totally disagree, it is a line of thinking and I know plenty of people that would have a problem with it.

[Hyacinth]

I love when the Hive shows up unanimously. Thanks all!

[katilac]

11 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

I live in a very traditional area and teen dating is very much one where the boy has to pay for everything, bring flowers frequently, pull out all the stops, etc in order to gain approval of the parents and prove themselves a worthy partner. I absolutely have people in my life that would be bothered by this as disrespectful to their daughter to just take her to sit in a car and that they wouldn’t want their daughter treated that way. 
 

😲

[Suzanne in ABQ]

You reminded me of my teen years. I had two brothers and a best friend. We used to just all sit in the driveway, in the car (a 70s Mercury station wagon) and listen to the radio.  Sometimes, my bff would actually lie across the roof of the car. We'd have all the windows open and the radio playing; I'd typically have my feet out the window, and we'd just chat.  Simply, we couldn't afford gas to go anywhere, and we didn't have money for anyplace once we got there. Listening to the radio was free, and the car was comfortable, and it was "ours".  A neighbor commented that it took him awhile to figure out what the heck we were doing in there... "Are they having car trouble? Are they having a meeting? Are they just listening to the radio?"  I really have no idea why we did it, except that it was different than sitting in the house, maybe a bit more independent? Perhaps we were wishing we had someplace to go? Maybe we were just weird?"  I don't know.

But, yeah, your kids' idea of a fun time together sounds awesome to me.  No need to be complicated.

[klmama]

6 minutes ago, Suzanne in ABQ said:

Sometimes, my bff would actually lie across the roof of the car. 

Yes.  Back then US-made cars were sturdy enough for teens to climb on without causing any dents.  Fast forward to the 90s, and I actually dented the hood of my car by putting a heavy bag of groceries on it. 

 

[katilac]

48 minutes ago, Suzanne in ABQ said:

We used to just all sit in the driveway, in the car (a 70s Mercury station wagon) and listen to the radio.  

 

Now that you say it, that was very common in my neighborhood! 1970s and 1980s 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

1 hour ago, klmama said:

Yes.  Back then US-made cars were sturdy enough for teens to climb on without causing any dents.  Fast forward to the 90s, and I actually dented the hood of my car by putting a heavy bag of groceries on it. 

 

Oh no!  That would be enough for me to just stop buying groceries!  LOL

49 minutes ago, katilac said:

Now that you say it, that was very common in my neighborhood! 1970s and 1980s 

Oh, so we weren't weird. I'm thinking about it again, and maybe the car had better reception than any of the tuners we had in the house.  And surround sound!  Maybe that's why we did it (along with at least the kids in your neighborhood).  

[SKL]

OK well I'm wondering why I'm alone in this, but my thought is, are you sure they are just watching a movie in there?

[happypamama]

On 3/1/2020 at 8:37 PM, Garga said:

Sounds nice. I can’t imagine going on a date at 47 and having my date tell me, “We’re going to sit in my car and watch Tangled on my phone!”  😂  But for teens?  It’s sweet.

We'd totally do that now!  There are kids at the house, just like there were (different) kids at the house when we were teens.  It's sometimes hard to get any privacy just for talking or watching a movie uninterrupted, and date night doesn't have to be fancy.  Even when we were teens and dating seriously, neither of us were working because school was the big priority, and so we did a lot of hanging out at each other's houses, watching movies, playing games, just sitting on the back porch watching the stars and talking. . . I don't think that's a bad thing to enjoy simple things.  It certainly helped as we got older and were poor college students and then poor newlyweds and then only slightly less poor new parents because we don't expect to go out on fancy dates often, and when we do, it's special.

 

I wouldn't be too concerned about teens hanging out in a parking lot watching a movie.  Assuming they're pretty trustworthy and not doing things they shouldn't be doing, it's just a place to hang out, and the way it happened seems perfectly legit.  Doesn't seem like they were plotting anything they shouldn't have been.  Plus, it wasn't like they were hanging out on a back road; a fairly public parking lot is a big difference.

Edited March 3, 2020 by happypamama

[marbel]

27 minutes ago, SKL said:

OK well I'm wondering why I'm alone in this, but my thought is, are you sure they are just watching a movie in there?

A Target parking lot on a Sunday afternoon would be a pretty weird place for kids to try to get intimate.  If they have a car, presumably they could go somewhere a little more private. 

[teachermom2834]

32 minutes ago, SKL said:

OK well I'm wondering why I'm alone in this, but my thought is, are you sure they are just watching a movie in there?

In a public parking lot in broad daylight? I’m picturing our Target parking lot and it would hard to be engaging in serious hanky panky without being seen by the neighbors or having someone call the cops. 
 

Is it possible? Of course. But my kind of thinking on that is that if your teens are rebellious enough and comfortable enough with that kind of risk taking then you are not going to stop them. If they would fool around in a busy public parking lot in broad daylight then they would in a movie theater or public park or wherever. 

Edited March 3, 2020 by teachermom2834

 

I think this is just fine.  While I didn't really date much as a teen, I distinctly remember wanting to have some quiet, somewhat-private place to hang out with friends to have our "important" conversations.  We didn't have money to go out to eat, you can't talk during a movie, maybe the weather isn't suitable for hanging out outside in a park, but we did want to seem more independent than hanging out at home under the noses of our families.  What we did have was plenty of time to chat and try to figure out life.  Where else are teens supposed to go?

 

Edited March 3, 2020 by GGardner

[hippiemamato3]

3 hours ago, SKL said:

OK well I'm wondering why I'm alone in this, but my thought is, are you sure they are just watching a movie in there?

I guess my question is - is it really anyone's business? These are late teens...drivers. Micromanaging what they do with their bodies seems pretty inappropriate. A public parking lot isn't a place kids will get naked....

Edited March 3, 2020 by hippiemamato3
clarify

[Tanaqui]

5 hours ago, SKL said:

OK well I'm wondering why I'm alone in this, but my thought is, are you sure they are just watching a movie in there?

 

Once you ask that about the parking lot, you can ask that about literally any place, up to and including the actual movie theater.

[SKL]

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Once you ask that about the parking lot, you can ask that about literally any place, up to and including the actual movie theater.

And I do, LOL.

Though a park bench or path offers less opportunities for certain things than an enclosed vehicle.

The OP asked what I'd think if this were my teen son or daughter.  Just seen a lot of things in my life.  If my kid said a guy wanted to sit in the car alone with her for an hour "watching a Disney video" then yeah, I'd be like, hmmm.  How bout you sit someplace more open to watch your movie?

Actually I remember a "joke" in my senior year in high school.  A guy blabbed to everyone at school about how his girlfriend's parents walked in on them when they were "watching a documentary about whales."  The student body proceeded to humiliate the girlfriend with "whale" jokes for some time thereafter.

And, quite a few extracurricular activities manage to get done in cars in broad daylight.

Edited March 3, 2020 by SKL

[katilac]

2 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

And, yeah, a public parking lot, even in broad daylight, is a place kids (and even some adults) will get naked.  Probably not most, but certainly some will.  

It's not impossible, but it's not something I've encountered in my 50+ years on earth. As someone noted, they're in a car, they can drive someplace else easily enough. 

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

Once you ask that about the parking lot, you can ask that about literally any place, up to and including the actual movie theater.

And the movie theater is dark. 

13 minutes ago, SKL said:

 And, quite a few extracurricular activities manage to get done in cars in broad daylight.

Generally in somewhat more secluded areas than a Target parking lot, though.

[SKL]

1 minute ago, katilac said:

Generally in somewhat more secluded areas than a Target parking lot, though.

I dunno, I've seen a lot of things.  Most people aren't looking inside cars in a parking lot, and teens know that, or they may assume that.

My kids change their clothes in the car rather often.  They refuse to believe someone might look in.

[teachermom2834]

I understand if you are coming from the viewpoint that the teens will never be out of sight, have zero opportunity ever. If that is where you are coming from then absolutely a car in a Target parking lot is problematic. But if you are ok with a park or a movie or a different room of a house, then a Target parking lot in broad daylight is certainly no worse. 

[hippiemamato3]

3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Yes, it is a parent's business what their minor children, yes, even late teens/drivers, are doing with their bodies.  It doesn't have to mean micromanaging, but I can't really be an effective parent if nothing my kid does is any of my business.

 

And, yeah, a public parking lot, even in broad daylight, is a place kids (and even some adults) will get naked.  Probably not most, but certainly some will.  

Many teen drivers aren't even minors. But regardless, kids will find places to have sex if they want to. Watching a movie in a car in a parking lot wouldn't make me think sex, but to each her own I suppose!

[easypeasy]

11 hours ago, marbel said:

A Target parking lot on a Sunday afternoon would be a pretty weird place for kids to try to get intimate.  If they have a car, presumably they could go somewhere a little more private. 

whoo-boy, the stories I could tell (not just my own personal stories - but friends as well). 😂 Kids can - and do - anywhere and everywhere (and they don't have to get nekkid to get it on).

Based on my own personal life experience - if my kids were "watching a movie on their phone in a parking lot," I'd assume there was a lot more activity to the afternoon than that. 😁

But it's lovely that most parents here would take that at face value and lovely that they are probably correct in their own kids' cases. 🙂

Edited March 4, 2020 by easypeasy

[happypamama]

12 hours ago, easypeasy said:

whoo-boy, the stories I could tell (not just my own personal stories - but friends as well). 😂 Kids can - and do - anywhere and everywhere (and they don't have to get nekkid to get it on).

Based on my own personal life experience - if my kids were "watching a movie on their phone in a parking lot," I'd assume there was a lot more activity to the afternoon than that. 😁

But it's lovely that most parents here would take that at face value and lovely that they are probably correct in their own kids' cases. 🙂

There might have been more to it than that.  But there was likely to be more to it regardless of where they were.  Kids can just be sneaky if they want to be.  But it would depend on the teen.  Some mind feel that a car is more private, and others might think it is less private.

[katilac]

18 hours ago, easypeasy said:

whoo-boy, the stories I could tell (not just my own personal stories - but friends as well). 😂 Kids can - and do - anywhere and everywhere (and they don't have to get nekkid to get it on).

To me, if the teen is one who will do x activity "anywhere and everywhere" then it matters even less that there were sitting in a car in the Target parking lot. 

[alisoncooks]

Okay: here's my story about people thinking no one can see them in cars...

When my girls were little, we were waiting in a parking lot on a college campus. I glance at the car next to me, and a young man was...idk, rearranging his man parts. Fully pulled his p3nis from his shorts and was, I don't even know, but I could see. Everything. So I'm all like, "Girls! Look at that!" and pointing in the opposite direction, lol. I'm sure he would've been mortified to know he gave me a show.  

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Yesterday, I told my 14yodd about this story. I didn't even have to ask her what she thought of it. She just jumped in and said, "That's totally valid! I love that! That sounds like a perfect date! Kids don't have money to go on expensive dates, but walking around Target, then watching a movie in the parking lot sounds perfect. It shows that spending time together is what's most important, not expensive meals or movies or gifts. They're just hanging out together. It's private, but there's no pressure. Sounds like a perfect date for teenagers." 

This dd has never dated. I'm not even sure she's kissed anyone (I think she would tell me). But, she's quite aware of how things work in the world. She didn't jump into gutter thinking. She could totally see herself having this kind of date, and thought it would be wonderful. We don't need to just assume that kids are going to be ripping their clothes off each other if we turn our backs for a second.