Update - I think I need to quit my job but family = complicated

[Ann.without.an.e]

Last spring my mom asked me to come work with her one day a week.  The accounting person quit and she was having to do it on top of everything else. She asked me to come in and help some and she would just pay me cash, I wouldn't be on payroll, etc.  What began with the idea of helping her with *her* responsibility overall, quickly became tagged as all "my job".  For example, if I come and work 7 hours on Monday and it doesn't get all done then it just piles up for next time for me to do. So what I am having to do now is stay really late and work like 10-12 hours on Monday or return another afternoon or else it piles up.  The owner has hinted several times that he would love for me to come three days a week. 

On a positive note, the cash is nice and I actually do enjoy the work itself and the fact that ds can go along.  I am just so buried in other areas.  I was already homeschooling one kiddo, working another part time job (1-2 days a week), and teaching classes. My mom has been very stressed about her job and my work has made her life so much better.  Also, this job would lead me into the general job market better than my other job but quitting my other job isn't an option.  If I have to choose, I choose the other job hands down.

Fast forward to now, oldest dd (high school junior) is coming home because of health problems.  She is a very smart, high achiever, and I am consumed with trying to put together curriculum for her, submitting AP syllabus stuff, and figuring out how to do it all.  DH thinks I need to tell my mom that I can't help anymore.  The thing is, she will be devastated and she is the more aggressive, pushy, driven person.  I am more chill and easy going.  She will not be happy. I am not even sure how to navigate this. I tried to drop a hint today and it didn't go well. I made a mistake and mailed a check that should have been held.  I feel awful about it. Part of it is because I am swamped and my brain is somewhere else.  She called me asking about it today and I brought up being buried and feeling like I am not sure I can keep doing it.  Her response was "well I can't do it and you'll be fine.  Maybe we can look at another solution in the future sometime?" I could now go into a rant about my mom but I won't.

I just don't know how to navigate this.

 

Update on page 2

Edited September 30, 2019 by Attolia

[Jean in Newcastle]

Two questions come to mind:

1.  If you kept working at your mom's job, could you quit the other part time job so it is simplified that way?

2.  It sounds like your mom is not the owner?  She pays you from her salary?  How does this work?  It sounds like the owner knows that you are there so this seems weird if you aren't hired directly by him/her. 

You need to decide if you need to work and how much.  And if you can't work at your mom's job anymore, then you need to give notice to whoever (mom or owner).  Meeting their workload is their responsibility not yours. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

5 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Two questions come to mind:

1.  If you kept working at your mom's job, could you quit the other part time job so it is simplified that way?

2.  It sounds like your mom is not the owner?  She pays you from her salary?  How does this work?  It sounds like the owner knows that you are there so this seems weird if you aren't hired directly by him/her. 

You need to decide if you need to work and how much.  And if you can't work at your mom's job anymore, then you need to give notice to whoever (mom or owner).  Meeting their workload is their responsibility not yours. 

 

I edited to clarify this some.  I won't quit my other job.  I have worked there for 15 years part time.  I have the craziest amount of flexibility and can even work from home some.  I won't trade that for my mom's higher stress environment. 

She is just paying me out of petty cash.  I am not an employee there according to anyone's records.  Owner knows that I am working but I am not sure he knows how I am being paid?  He didn't want to hire anyone and this was her solution.  It's really weird right? I can't figure out why he didn't want to hire anyone on payroll but is ok with this but he weirdly is.  Maybe because the business ebbs and flows and he didn't want to commit permanently to someone.  Somehow they have the freedom to feel uncommitted but I am to feel committed?

Edited September 27, 2019 by Attolia

[Scarlett]

Boundaries.  It sounds like a cool job to have, but if you would take the other part time job over this one, then there is your answer.  Just firmly give your mom notice that you are not going to be able to continue.  Is it really that difficult to find a part time employee to do that work?

[Ann.without.an.e]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Boundaries.  It sounds like a cool job to have, but if you would take the other part time job over this one, then there is your answer.  Just firmly give your mom notice that you are not going to be able to continue.  Is it really that difficult to find a part time employee to do that work?

 

I honestly don't think she can convince the owner to hire another person permanently.  I am to be perpetually a temp?  I guess?  See my reply to Jean above for more context.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Attolia said:

 

I honestly don't think she can convince the owner to hire another person permanently.  I am to be perpetually a temp?  I guess?  See my reply to Jean above for more context.

Well, is it something your dd could do a few hours a week?  But seriously this is not your problem to solve.  If you know of a friend who would like such a gig, maybe suggest that.  But other than that it really just can't be up to you to solve your mom's or her boss' problems.

[Tiberia]

It sounds like your major concern is the backlash from your mom.

I would work on practicing how to tell her you can't help anymore, and practice responding to her objections without giving excuses that she can pick apart. Don't try to respond to her specific objections, just repeat a clear phrase over and over until she gets it: "This doesn't work for our family anymore." Make sure you stick to your decision, if you decide to quit, and don't let her bully you into staying.

[Arcadia]

9 minutes ago, Attolia said:

She is just paying me out of petty cash.  I am not an employee there according to anyone's records.  Owner knows that I am working but I am not sure he knows how I am being paid?  He didn't want to hire anyone and this was her solution.  It's really weird right? I can't figure out why he didn't want to hire anyone on payroll but is ok with this but he weirdly is.  

 

Employee benefits, tax evasion, ... Petty cash is pretty much under the table payment, like for an ad-hoc babysitter, pet sitter, gardener, tutor. I have worked as a temp and has always been paid direct either by the employer’s payroll or the temp agency’s payroll. 

It’s your mom’s employer’s problem basically if you need to quit. Her employer would have to look for another temp to do whatever you are now handling.

[alisoncooks]

Wow, that sounds stressful. It also sounds like someone else's problem. I'd be tempted to give a solid, "I won't do this anymore after xx date"...but via email or something because I hate confrontation.  Does your mom know about your DD's situation? Maybe toss that in the mix; hopefully grandma will reign in the disappointment since a grandkid is involved...?

[Carol in Cal.]

Are you getting paid hourly or a set amount?

If you want to stay there at all, I think you have to set it up as you are a contractor, getting paid with a 1099 type situation and then file taxes accordingly.  Otherwise everyone is going to end up breaking the law once you exceed a certain minimum amount of income from this.  I don’t know what the minimum is, but an accountant or SBA person could tell you.  THEN, you commit to certain hours and that is it.  You’re working from X to Y, and billing hourly.  That way you transition to controlling how much time you spend on this.  And if the stuff piles up, that is not actually your problem.  Because you did what you committed to.  That way the people who are actually supposed to be figuring out work flow and their financial commitment are the ones who have the monkey on their backs, not you.  

If you want to quit, you can quit.  But if you don’t, I think the above is how to transition to something you can control and live with.  And you have the legal reason to point to to do that.

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

21 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

Employee benefits, tax evasion, ... Petty cash is pretty much under the table payment, like for an ad-hoc babysitter, pet sitter, gardener, tutor. I have worked as a temp and has always been paid direct either by the employer’s payroll or the temp agency’s payroll. 

It’s your mom’s employer’s problem basically if you need to quit. Her employer would have to look for another temp to do whatever you are now handling.

 

True, you are right.  agh.  It just isn't easy. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

1 minute ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Are you getting paid hourly or a set amount?

If you want to stay there at all, I think you have to set it up as you are a contractor, getting paid with a 1099 type situation and then file taxes accordingly.  Otherwise everyone is going to end up breaking the law once you exceed a certain minimum amount of income from this.  I don’t know what the minimum is, but an accountant or SBA person could tell you.  THEN, you commit to certain hours and that is it.  You’re working from X to Y, and billing hourly.  That way you transition to controlling how much time you spend on this.  And if the stuff piles up, that is not actually your problem.  Because you did what you committed to.  That way the people who are actually supposed to be figuring out work flow and their financial commitment are the ones who have the monkey on their backs, not you.  

If you want to quit, you can quit.  But if you don’t, I think the above is how to transition to something you can control and live with.  And you have the legal reason to point to to do that.

 

 

Hourly and you are right.  Thanks for the reminder ❤️ 

[Selkie]

I think you just need to be blunt and tell your mom and the employer that you're done.

If you do stay on, I would insist on being on the payroll. Around here, employers paying under the table have been nailed by the IRS. That could be problematic for you, too, especially if you aren't reporting the income.

[annandatje]

You are being paid from petty cash.  Based upon information provided, it sounds like you are a statutory employee.  If that is accurate, the company should be withholding income tax and social security taxes from your pay and issuing you a W-2.  If you are an independent contractor and if company issues you a 1099MISC for non-employee compensation, you will be liable for all income and self employment taxes.

[Bambam]

What is your first priority? Your family or your mom? Assuming it is your family, I'd just tell my mom that I can *no* longer work for her. I need to concentrate on my first priority - getting my dd's school straightened out since she is back to homeschooling. This will affect the rest of her life. Your family is your first priority. 

Your mom should talk to her employer and explain they either need a part time employee to help out or a temp. His choice. She cannot do it all. Period. Full stop. This is their problem. This is not your problem. 

If your mom tries to make it your problem, tell her the subject is now closed. You must concentrate on your family and take care of your daughter. Period. Full stop again. I would NOT even open the door and say maybe you can help in the future. (I wouldn't at least) I'm sorry Mom if your job isn't going well. That sounds awful. Please talk to the owner. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I would be worried about the tax situation and want to get out because of that...but as far as dealing with Mom, I would only take this one approach, and stick to it:

"Mom, the significant life change of dd coming home for high school is making this job impossible; she needs me and I'm just stretched too thin. This is my last week. I'm glad I was able to help you out for awhile. I hope your boss will hire a proper temp or that you'll be able to find a better job."

I wouldn't allow sidetracking and if she bossed or whined or cried, I would leave the conversation. You are not superwoman! And this was meant to be temporary, as evidenced by the pay arrangement. Other temps could be hired, or Mom could pursue other options, but nobody but you can be there for dd right now. Anyone should be able to see this. They might not LIKE it, but that's not the same as not comprehending your choice.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I decided to text her.  We'll see how that goes haha.

"I am simply just stretched thin right now. I know that you do not understand why and I am sorry.  (insert boss name) should hire someone or use the temp agency.  To be honest, you need boundaries. You need to tell him that this isn’t part of your job, it never was. There was someone there to do the job 3 days a week and as soon as that person left he should have filled the position. This should have NEVER fallen on you.  Particularly at the same salary rate. This is not your problem.  This is (insert boss's name)'s problem."

 

ETA - I just had the realization that I am not responsible for my mom's work boundary issues.  This is something she has always struggled with but it isn't my problem. When she complains about it I will just say, you need boundaries.  She will get tired of it coming back to her as the problem, I think?

Edited September 27, 2019 by Attolia

[ktgrok]

Not your problem. 

Seriously. She needs to grow up and deal with her boss, and sucking you in isn't the fix. 

[LucyStoner]

So her boss wants a free or low cost accounting person?  Well, wishing ain't getting and all that.  

You are absolutely right- her boundary issues with her boss aren't your problem.  The boss needs to hire someone and/or your mom needs to quit this hellish job.  

I'm glad you quit!  

[Pen]

1 hour ago, Attolia said:

I decided to text her.  We'll see how that goes haha.

 

👍

 

[gardenmom5]

read boundaries - when to say yes, how to say no.

it's time for your mother to replace her accounting person with a real employee.  she likely *knows* she couldn't make the same demands on an actual employee she's making of you because of employment law.  

[Ann.without.an.e]

12 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

read boundaries - when to say yes, how to say no.

it's time for your mother to replace her accounting person with a real employee.  she likely *knows* she couldn't make the same demands on an actual employee she's making of you because of employment law.  

 

I have read it, I've even quoted it haha.  I just don't always put it into practice right away. 🤣

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

She hasn't responded.  I even saw her last night and she didn't mention it.  

Do I just not show on Monday?  or do I call her and make her talk about it again?

 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Don't show up.  You've done your part.  

[RootAnn]

Good for you.

I'm torn about if you should text or not about Monday. I think just don't show, but if you decide to do something, I would not engage on the phone.

Take a deep breath & shake off that job.

[brehon]

I reread your text to your mom. Although my inclination would be to simply not show up Monday morning, you didn’t actually say you would no longer be doing that job. (Well, unless there was more to the text than you posted.) In that case, I would send a “reminder” text saying something like, “Just a reminder, I’m no longer working with you at [name of business]  and won’t be there Monday.”

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, Attolia said:

Do I just not show on Monday?  or do I call her and make her talk about it again?

 

You didn’t list a date in the text you posted. I won’t show up on Monday or call. However I would give a follow up text and explicitly say you terminated your services. Since they pay you from petty cash, I don’t see a need to give them 24hr notice. 

[maize]

I think you can just not show up. You're not an employee, you have zero responsibilities or obligations towards your mom's employer.

[Chris in VA]

Glad you got out. It takes bravery to do what you did. I admire that. 

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, Attolia said:

She hasn't responded.  I even saw her last night and she didn't mention it.  

Do I just not show on Monday?  or do I call her and make her talk about it again?

 

 

Is there any reason why you didn’t mention it to her when you saw her? 

I know people are suggesting that you simply not show up on Monday, but this is your mom, not some stranger, so I do think you should discuss it with her first. Also, if your employer is even a halfway decent person, he (and your mom) deserve two weeks notice so they can make other arrangements for the job you have been doing,

Edited September 28, 2019 by Catwoman

[alisoncooks]

I agree - don't show...but maybe send a follow-up text Sunday afternoon/night reminding her that you won't be helping her place of employment any longer. 

[Tap]

4 hours ago, Attolia said:

She hasn't responded.  I even saw her last night and she didn't mention it.  

Do I just not show on Monday?  or do I call her and make her talk about it again?

 

EIther call your mom and discuss it, or go to work Monday and give a written 2 week notice.  Unless you physically can't be there, I would go and just work your shift and go home (no extra hours).  Use the time to organize your papers so you can make sure you aren't leaving anything for someone else that needs follow-up or your special touch.  While you owe the company nothing, I would want to walk out on my mom without notice. 

 

On 9/27/2019 at 9:19 AM, Attolia said:

"well I can't do it and you'll be fine.  Maybe we can look at another solution in the future sometime?"

If she tries to bully you into staying, remind her that her boss thinks the same thing as above about her.  Just wishing that someone is fine with additional work, doesn't magically make it possible!!! Those may as well be her bosses words to her!!!! 

I would go in Monday and give a 2 week notice. I would also ask that they try to get a temp for the following Monday, so you can train them on how to do the tasks on your last day. That way the boss has motivation to get someone ASAP so your mom doesn't have to do all the training. 

(((((Hugs)))) I am sure it feels so huge and overwhelming!  I am sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else.

[Pen]

Even though it’s your mom, it doesn’t seem to be a legal job.  Or maybe the opposite—seems to be an illegal job.

I assume you have no work contract? I think you just should not go in any more.  

I think both you and your mom are legally endangered by the unconventional job situation.  

If she didn’t get the first message and was expecting you, I assume she’ll call you, in which case you can tell her you wrote and tell her the gist.  Your dd is home with significant illness and you won’t be able to help her with the job anymore.  

[Tanaqui]

You're working illegally, sounds like, because it's undocumented. It's one thing to do that for incidental work - occasional babysitting or small-scale handyman work, or even this job once or twice a year for a crunch, maybe. It's quite another to do so regularly, and I think that's more than enough justification to tell your mother that it simply won't work anymore and you are unavailable after $DATE. You don't need to spell out why if you don't want to. In fact, if your mom can be difficult it might be better not to spell it out. Just pick a line such as "This is no longer possible, it won't work for me anymore" and repeat it ad nauseum.

[scrapbookbuzz]

5 hours ago, Attolia said:

She hasn't responded.  I even saw her last night and she didn't mention it.  

Do I just not show on Monday?  or do I call her and make her talk about it again?

 

You have NO obligation to show up. Yes, you've been there and working diligently. But you signed NO contract with them from what I understand.
While there may be a bit of fallout with your mom for a time ( and you WILL live through it, I promise), perhaps the abruptness of you not being there anymore will be the 
wakeup call she and her boss both seem to need! You are under no obligation to be there. They have not treated you as an employee,  they really haven't made it worth your while, and they have no legal recourse against you for just saying, "I'm done." so now it's time to say, "I'm done!"
 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I am just here to agree with the people who say that since you have no contract and this is all illegal, you do not owe 24 hours. I also agree that a text to Mom, "In case I didn't make this clear, I am done working at XYZ. Friday was my last day. Glad I was able to help for awhile but I really am done. Talk to you soon." 

Edited to add: I just noticed Brehon's script, which is very good: (Quote) "“Just a reminder, I’m no longer working with you at [name of business]  and won’t be there Monday.” "

Everybody knows that when you hire someone under the table, they can end that agreement without notice because there's nothing you can do without bringing your own illegal actions to light. You have to just accept it and let them go. The only thing you can do to them is to NOT hire them under those terms in the future, which is what they want, to no longer work under those terms! (All this to say that people might be mad but they should not be surprised.)

[Catwoman]

15 minutes ago, Lang Syne Boardie said:

I am just here to agree with the people who say that since you have no contract and this is all illegal, you do not owe 24 hours. I also agree that a text to Mom, "In case I didn't make this clear, I am done working at XYZ. Friday was my last day. Glad I was able to help for awhile but I really am done. Talk to you soon." 

Edited to add: I just noticed Brehon's script, which is very good: (Quote) "“Just a reminder, I’m no longer working with you at [name of business]  and won’t be there Monday.” "

Everybody knows that when you hire someone under the table, they can end that agreement without notice because there's nothing you can do without bringing your own illegal actions to light. You have to just accept it and let them go. The only thing you can do to them is to NOT hire them under those terms in the future, which is what they want, to no longer work under those terms! (All this to say that people might be mad but they should not be surprised.)

 

I agree that she has no legal obligation to give two weeks notice, but it would be common courtesy to both the employer and her mom.  Also, if she leaves abruptly, it will be embarrassing for her mother (who does plan to keep working for that company.) 

It’s not as though the business owner has been nasty to her or that he hasn’t been paying her, and she posted that she has enjoyed the work, so I think it would be incredibly rude to unexpectedly quit without giving any notice whatsoever.

[Pen]

Also if your mom acts pushy, driven, aggressive with you, tell her to direct it toward getting her employer to legitimately hire someone.  

Edited September 28, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

But it may be that she Did get your message, and will just go on to take care of things with out further involving you.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

6 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I agree that she has no legal obligation to give two weeks notice, but it would be common courtesy to both the employer and her mom.  Also, if she leaves abruptly, it will be embarrassing for her mother (who does plan to keep working for that company.) 

It’s not as though the business owner has been nasty to her or that he hasn’t been paying her, and she posted that she has enjoyed the work, so I think it would be incredibly rude to unexpectedly quit without giving any notice whatsoever.

It's not incredibly rude to stop doing something illegal...when we realize we're breaking the law or helping someone else to break the law, we should stop.

Attolia expressed her problem to her mother. Mom's response was, "Too bad, I can't do this job alone, so you have to stay. Maybe sometime in the future we can consider a solution. The end."

Attolia has to go home and homeschool her daughter now. Daughter's health and education can't wait for Attolia's mother (or her mother's employer) to care that the family's life circumstances have changed. Attolia will have to put her family first on her own. There's nobody else to do it. 

If Mom is embarrassed that Attolia left, maybe Mom should have acknowledged that her daughter's family has needs beyond Attolia's working under the table at HER job.

Her mom's employer can call a temp agency and get someone in there by 10am on the SAME day. Attolia cannot call a Temp Mother service and find someone to homeschool her child, manage her child's health, and take care of her family. 

(I don't believe that we all need to agree here. Not exactly arguing, just explaining why I don't think that quitting an illegal job with a weekend's notice is more rude than a woman ignoring her daughter and ordering her to continue in an untenable situation at the expense of her family.)

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I am not under a contract at all.  I am not on record in any way except for my initials in a petty cash book. I do struggle with just leaving though.  That feels rude. 

[Pen]

21 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I am not under a contract at all.  I am not on record in any way except for my initials in a petty cash book. I do struggle with just leaving though.  That feels rude. 

 

 You have a sick child.  

Consider it a necessity.   You gave extra voluntary help for your mom’s sake when you could and now you can’t.

 If they had changed you to a legit employee with a contract and normal payment, then it would be rude.

But The employer is worse than rude not to hire someone in a normal way. 

Maybe the past accounting person quit because of being asked to do something he she considered wrong as well.  Who knows.  Anyway, you went above and beyond to pitch in for your mom’s sake and now that’s done. 

They can call a temp service.  

End. Finis. 

 

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

But it may be that she Did get your message, and will just go on to take care of things with out further involving you.

 

Since the text didn’t have a last day of work date stated, her mom might just be keeping quiet and thinking that OP would still turn up and help out week after week. 

29 minutes ago, Attolia said:

 I do struggle with just leaving though.  That feels rude. 

 

A parent or even a good friend should have called a temp agency to look for a temp instead of emotional blackmailing you to stay on longer after you voiced your difficulties. Sometimes enforcing boundaries can’t be done in a very polite manner. 

I would have felt obliged to stay for a day if they have gotten a temp when I said I wanted to quit just to do a proper handover.

[Pen]

10 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

Since the text didn’t have a last day of work date stated, her mom might just be keeping quiet and thinking that OP would still turn up and help out week after week. 

 

Then not showing up on Monday should be quite clear. 

To me, no date and “I am stretched too thin” already sounds clear as to mean “now” not some future date.  

 

[Catwoman]

I find it interesting that people are focusing on the job being illegal, and using that as the reason why Attolia should abruptly quit the job instead of giving the business owner notice, because she has always been paid under the table by the owner, and she was always fine with that. It’s not as though she was always on payroll and the owner decided last Friday that she would be paid illegally, so her conscience demanded that she quit the job immediately. Legal or not, this has been a mutual agreement between Attolia and the business owner, so I still believe that common courtesy should dictate that she inform the guy that she’s leaving rather than unexpectedly never showing up for work again.

And Attolia, please don’t think I’m criticizing you for having accepted the payments under the table! That’s not what I mean here at all. I’m just saying that because both you and the owner treated it as though it was a regular job (and he has even been hoping you might start working even more hours,) I think you owe it to him to give notice instead of just not showing up on Monday.

As for your mom, I re-read the message you texted her, and I can see how she might have thought you were just venting about the job and not actually quitting immediately, particularly if she doesn’t want to believe you would quit. I think you should definitely clarify it with her, and not just assume that she realizes you were trying to tell her you were planning to never show up for work again.

[Tap]

38 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I am not under a contract at all.  I am not on record in any way except for my initials in a petty cash book. I do struggle with just leaving though.  That feels rude. 

I would say do what is right for you and your family.

This is my perspective (not saying you should make the same choices). I have two daughter with chroinic illnesses. Sometimes, I just have to be with them. It doesn't matter what was planned. They need me Now. 

Sometimes, they may need me, but are stable. They can wait a bit for me to resolove a chronic, but important issue.  Some of what I need to do for them, I can do on breaks or lunch at work or in  the evenings (schedule appointments, message doctors etc). 

My work is important to me. It gives me an outlet that gets me out of the house and provides me a chance to be with other adults. BUT the biggest thing it gives me is money.  Money to provide care for my daughters. Money for doctors and treatments. Money for healthy food and for treats. Moneye for freedom from financial stress. We can live on my husband's income, but it would be tight. I would rather work, and have some freedom. I have been at the point though, that the job created more stress than it relieved.  So, that is when I quit or cut back my hours.

From your post, that seems like where you are at.  That home life, is tipping the scale that direction and you need to find balance again.  Letting go of this job seems obvious, and only you know if you can continue one more day or not. If you can't do it...then don't go Monday. If you can, then go with your conscious and help out until you can give the notice.  I don't know your mom, but suspect she will be resentful either way. But, this is her everyday job and she does have to face the boss even after you leave. Personally, I would still give written notice to both your mom And her boss on Monday (by email this weekend if you aren't going in). Thank them both for the opprotunity and be as gracious as you can. Don't get wordy, just a few simple lines. This is my two weeks notice.....Thanks for the opprotunity....My family needs me at home right now...Feel free to call me if you have any specific questions about acconts I worked on.You never know what the future holds and what references you will or won't need. (My current boss, is a very good friend of a previous boss. My previous bosses verbal reference is the only reason I got my current job. ) If you aren't going in Monday, call out sick. Let them know that you aren't sure about next week or not. But for them to feel free to schedule a temp in your place. The odd thing, is that even though this isn't a legal position, you are doing a real job for a real company. It only benefits you to handle this opprotunity similarly.  

((((Hugs)))) I hate having to make major changes in my life because my kids are struggling. It is so heartwrenching to see them having a hard time. I am glad you are in the position to be home for them and providing a loving safe space. I hope they heal quickly and you can find some relief from the stress that healthcare issues bring.

[Catwoman]

16 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

Then not showing up on Monday should be quite clear. 

To me, no date and “I am stretched too thin” already sounds clear as to mean “now” not some future date.  

 

 

I was reading it the same way Arcadia suggested. Attolia didn’t actually say she was quitting. A lot of people complain that they are “stretched too thin,” but they mean that they are stressed or tired, not that they are making any changes, so I can easily imagine how Attolia’s mom might have misinterpreted the text. 

And I do think the business owner needs to be directly informed, as well.

[Pen]

Then sending an email to both the mom and employer today saying that 

22 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I was reading it the same way Arcadia suggested. Attolia didn’t actually say she was quitting. A lot of people complain that they are “stretched too thin,” but they mean that they are stressed or tired, not that they are making any changes, so I can easily imagine how Attolia’s mom might have misinterpreted the text. 

And I do think the business owner needs to be directly informed, as well.

 

Attolia wants to make clear that she won’t be able to help out with the job anymore at all as of immediately.   Could help clarity.  

And perhaps be a legal documentation of her further non-involvement 

 

[Pen]

5 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I find it interesting that people are focusing on the job being illegal, and using that as the reason why Attolia should abruptly quit

 

I think she should stop primarily because of her sick daughter.  She’s  not a little kid, but it’s also not a minor cold.

 

 

 

[Catwoman]

5 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

I think she should stop primarily because of her sick daughter.  She’s  not a little kid, but it’s also not a minor cold.

 

 

 

 

I absolutely agree with you that Attolia should quit -- I just think she should first make sure that her mom understands exactly what's going on, and she should also speak with the business owner so he is aware that she is leaving. If she can't manage a full 2 weeks notice, even a week might be appreciated. If she is absolutely sure that she needs to quit immediately, i still think she should offer to come in for a day or so to help train her replacement when that person is hired. (And realistically, the owner may decide not to hire anyone, so Attolia will come across as generous, yet won't actually have to train anyone.)

I know this is stressful for Attolia, but I also hate to see her mom and her boss get blindsided by her sudden and unexpected departure. It sounds like it shouldn't come as too big a surprise to her mom, but it will certainly be a disappointment.

My worry is that if Attolia doesn't show up for work on Monday, her mom won't realize what's happening and she will start to worry, so she will eventually call Attolia to find out what's going on. Then, once Attolia tells her mom that she was serious about quitting, her poor mom will be stuck having to tell their boss that Attolia has quit the job. That will be uncomfortable at best and very embarrassing at worst. I'm concerned that her mom doesn't realize that Attolia is quitting. Sure, Attolia sent her the text, but that could have been interpreted as complaining but not quitting, and then Attolia never mentioned it when she saw her mom in person, so her mom may have assumed that Attolia was just blowing off some steam when she sent that text.

Let's look at this a different way. Let's say that we didn't know Attolia, but that her mom was the forum member here... and Mom posted on Monday morning to say that she went in to her office and started getting worried when her dd didn't show up for work so she called her dd, and her dd announced that she was never coming back to work there again and that she expected our forum member to tell the boss what was going on. We would probably read her post and be livid on her behalf. We would probably all be saying that her dd was irresponsible and inconsiderate, and we would feel very sorry for the mom because she was so embarrassed and upset. Sure, we would understand that the dd was quitting so she could take care of her teen dd, but would we honestly say that she shouldn't have told her mom in advance, informed the boss, and at least offered some kind of notice? 

I know this sounds like I'm blaming Attolia, but I'm not. I understand her reasons for quitting, and I think they are excellent reasons. I also understand that her mom isn't exactly the easiest person to deal with. I realize that the job was technically illegal, but I'm not upset about that because that was an arrangement between Attolia and the business owner, and both sides treated it like a real job with real responsibilities, so I'm counting it as a regular job and not even considering the legality issue here.

All in all, I think Attolia is being a great mom by putting her child first. I agree that it's the right thing to do, and no matter how her mom reacts to her decision, I still think she should quit that job if she needs the time to help her dd. My only concern is that I don't think it would be right to suddenly quit without notice when it sounds like she has a decent relationship with the owner, and also because it would be nice to try not to embarrass her mom or put her on the spot by suddenly just not showing up for work any more. There has to be a way to do this gracefully, with minimal hurt feelings all around.