Making Christmas Fun Again

[fairfarmhand]

Been talking to several of my mom friends and I hear much the same thing.

 

Christmas..bah humbug!

 

So it seems that many of us struggle with enjoying the season. The frantic pace, the obligatory giving, the pressures to make things fun and magical suck the fun right out of the Christmas season.

 

And I'm wondering...does it have to be that way?

 

Most of us are pretty busy people anyway; we have teens who are involved in performance heavy hobbies. That means concerts and lots of driving in the weeks before Christmas.

 

So my question is: Do you love Christmas or find it burdensome?

 

If you love it, what things do you do to make it enjoyable for YOU as a mom?

 

I know its fun when you have littles...but for those of us with teens, it's helpful to have strategies to make things more fun.

 

If you don't like Christmas, what are the things that drive you craziest?

 

 

[regentrude]

I have struggled with Christmas for many years after our emigration, because I miss my extended family and can never recreate the joyous large family Christmas from my childhood, no matter how hard I work. Two years ago I have decided I am done trying. I have scaled way back and am now only doing what brings me joy and what is important to my family.

I cut down on decorations to a few traditional pieces from back home plus the tree; I waited until DD was home from college and we decorated it together on solstice. 

I am making one or two kinds of cookies, the ones my family like best. Not seven or eight kinds. This means I won't have bags of cookies to give to people, but I did not feel like it - it had become a "should".

We will have lots of yummy foods and cook special meals, but not necessarily on Christmas day. It was very freeing to realize that we can go hiking if the weather is nice and have the feast any other day just as well. A good friend whom we have not seen in a long time will visit on the 23rd, and we will have a festive dinner then - make the tradition serve our life, instead of making our life serve the tradition.

We will have a New Year's Eve party as social highlight of the season. DD is a foodie and loves making elaborate nibbles. It will be a relaxed evening and fun. We have been doing this for five years now.

I start "Christmassing" late and no longer feel compelled to stretch it out through all of December. December is very busy at work because it is the end of the semester. At the end of finals week, I spend a weekend with choir rehearsals and concerts, and that is the start of the holiday season for me.

 

Basically, I have given myself permission to abandon traditions that no longer serve and to start new traditions that I find uplifting. I have begun to celebrate the solstice. I am taking ten days completely off work between solstice and new year as a kind of mini retreat to focus on things that enrich me and help me  grow - instead of driving myself crazy in the attempt to create the magical Christmas that I can never achieve.

 

The teens are cool with it. They want food, cookies, the tree, presents on Christmas Eve (German tradition). They appreciate that our holidays are chill. DD wants the party. I have been feeling better about Christmas ever since I abandoned the "shoulds". I am less stressed. I am not disappointed that I didn't manage to create that elusive Christmas magic because I am no longer obsessing about trying. 

Edited December 22, 2016 by regentrude

[PinkTulip]

I love it because we try very hard to keep it simple and have more experiences than gifts. From the very beginning, my kids each receive three gifts: one from Santa, one from mom & dad, and one from each other. So the gift- buying frenzy is minimal, and we try very hard to be done by December 1.

 

DH and I also sit down together right after Halloween and decide on what things we want to do together as a family and block out specific dates to make sure they will happen. This may include things like attending a community performance of the Messiah, going to a really spectacular local light display, or having a special family dinner with just the 6 of us. These things are set in stone because it's important to me to have as much family time as possible. If it means we miss a neighborhood party or something similar, I'm ok with that.

 

I guess the bottom line is that we are very intentional about how we spend our time during the Christmas season.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I miss not having family around at this time, but our celebrations are pretty low key.  I don't feel rushed. On the contrary.  This time of year I finally get a bit of a break and can focus on doing just fun stuff like baking with my kids or whatever.  Usually their activities are off for 2 weeks (and some of them more).  So much less running them around and waiting. 

 

I guess ya can't win though.  I think sometimes family can be the thing that stresses you out, but then when you don't have that it's not so great either. 

[bettyandbob]

I'm dropping stuff I usually do. Our tree only has lights on it. I'm not overscheduling activity just because we've done those things before. I feel better. This year is going to be way different for some reasons that are difficult to consider. For years I fought that and tried to do the holiday the way it is "supposed" to be. Now I'm letting changes happen and accepting them.

[MEmama]

We just keep it simple and don't feel obligated by the hype. We don't travel or ask others to travel to us, we don't go overboard on gift giving or decorating or mass consumerism, we don't overextend ourselves to fulfill someone else's guilt or obligation. We are true to how we operate as individuals and as a family. I don't buy into the idea that it has to be stressful, or that it can't evolve as our lives do.

[MysteryJen]

Ten years ago, I dropped almost everything. We lost a baby that was due on Christmas and it was almost unbearably painful to contemplate the Nativity. This year, though, we are in a new house with teens/college kids and I decided to do a little more. Dd2 and I set up the tree on Black Friday and got out the few Christmas things that survived the "Great Downsizing Purge of 2015." Whereas I still don't feel very Christmas-y, I am enjoying the pleasure the kids are getting from the tree, lights in the window, the creche, stockings and the presents under the tree.

Dd2 told me that when she came home from her last final at high school, she wanted everything to be "Bam! Christmas!" and it was. 

 

No holiday performances here, only massive two-a-day swim practices all break. So I drive, provide good food and encouragement, and we take a break from all that Christmas day and so it feels like a truly blessed, free day with all of us together.

[KarenC]

I know what you mean.  We have 3 dds ages 15-19.  Next year we are  going to do a Secret Santa instead of buying gifts for everybody.  Two of the girls will be in college and one in high school.  We will set a dollar limit and draw names before they leave for college.  Hopefully, it will reduce some of the stress and be fun for everybody.

[lllll]

nm

Edited February 4, 2017 by .qp_

[Serenade]

Fairfarmhand, I'm with you. There seems to be less and less joy for me each season. Much of it is the obligatory running around with teens, as you mentioned above. On top of that, my mom quite unexpectedly was accepted into her preferred retirement center years before she expected, but due to certain events, she decided to go for it, which means we've been helping her move in November and December. That has taken up every bit of free time I might have had, and doing Christmas stuff has become a chore because there is no down time. I actually tried to plan so that this Christmas would be better, but instead, it has been worse. I'll read along for ideas with you.

[Night Elf]

I started liking Christmas more when I was able to stop buying presents for so many people. I finally talked my extended family out of obligatory gift giving. I suggested they'd have more money to spend on themselves and children if they weren't buying for me and mine. For years, I've only given my mom and stepdad restaurant gift cards and bought gifts for my children. My children have never been involved in anything performance related so we didn't experience busy holiday seasons. Our days were much like any other.

[HomeAgain]

We streamlined Christmas to only do the things we find enjoyable.

 

We don't travel

We don't do the elf

We keep the number of presents down and inside a budget

We don't plan an elaborate meal

We don't keep numerous obligations

 

So what's left?

I make candy..which I love doing

We do an advent calendar....which the kids love

We go to the parade and light tour..which we love

We read our same three books (Best Christmas Pageant Ever, The Shortest Day, A Christmas Carol)

We watch 4 movies

We do the angel tree to help keep us in the giving mood, and I carry a stack of ones to give to bell ringers.

We relax as much as possible and plan simply. 

[Joyofsixreboot]

Several years ago I asked my kids what they enjoyed most and those are the only things we do. We all picked a food and item/activity and Christmas is fun again.

 

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[MercyA]

I like Christmas. We keep it very simple:

 

We put up a tree, a nativity scene, and few other special decorations. We have a few string of lights up outside because my child likes them.

We do two stockings, one for my child and one for our dog. 

I don't bake cookies. We buy a few special ones. :)

We buy gifts only for our immediate family and for our parents. 

We don't do Santa.

Our families don't feel we have to get together on Christmas Day--we get together whenever it suits everyone. This tends to spread out our celebrations.

We stopped mailing cards this year. 

 

Idk. When I was a little girl, decorating the tree, seeing outdoor Christmas lights, and opening my stocking and presents made Christmas plenty magical. I think my child feels the same. 

Edited February 15, 2017 by MercyA

[Bluegoat]

Been talking to several of my mom friends and I hear much the same thing.

 

Christmas..bah humbug!

 

So it seems that many of us struggle with enjoying the season. The frantic pace, the obligatory giving, the pressures to make things fun and magical suck the fun right out of the Christmas season.

 

And I'm wondering...does it have to be that way?

 

Most of us are pretty busy people anyway; we have teens who are involved in performance heavy hobbies. That means concerts and lots of driving in the weeks before Christmas.

 

So my question is: Do you love Christmas or find it burdensome?

 

If you love it, what things do you do to make it enjoyable for YOU as a mom?

 

I know its fun when you have littles...but for those of us with teens, it's helpful to have strategies to make things more fun.

 

If you don't like Christmas, what are the things that drive you craziest?

 

I have mixed feelings.  Overall, I enjoy it - I love seeing family, special music and food, I like the gift exchange and tree, going to get the tree, the special church services, and so on.

 

The things I don't like are when I feel obligations that seem unjustified or impossible to meet.

 

I don't much like that Christmas starts so early, my kids friends started putting trees up at the beginning of November!

 

Some are things like my second cousin who for some reason feels like she should buy gifts for all my kids, and who I therefore feel obligated to spend $25 I don't really have sitting around on a gift card for her.  In general, the gifts kind of bother me and I'd like to tone them down.  Of course this year my dh did his own gifts for the kids and said this is the first time he's had fun at Christmas in years, usually he is depressed in December.

 

I do love the town tree lighting and Christkindle market. 

 

Or - I like Christmas concerts, but sometimes it feels like their are so many and it becomes crazy.  It looked to be worse this year because my eldest started public school, and I wasn't looking forward to it - her school music teacher likes to rewrite pop tunes with different words which has no appeal for me.  (As it turned out there is a labour dispute and the teachers are doing  work to rule, so no concerts.  Poor dd11 is sad though as she won't have a concert in grade 7 once she starts jr high.)

 

I also love the Christmas eve midnight service, which I never get to go to, and the Christmas day one.  And also the lessons and carols services.  But I am not so keen on the CHritmas eve crèche service which my kids all participate in and which falls right in the middle of our main extended family event of the season.  The kids love it but I find it chaotic and crowded. 

 

I also find it difficult to fit in my moms family, my dads family, and my ILs, and feel fair about it.   A few years ago my sister and I rented the church hall and did a big dinner there, for my moms family and ILs.  We thought it was nice and it made it simpler to consolidate, and there was enough room other IL from other parts of the family came and some friends.  My family however is picky and didn't want to do it again, because it wasn't homey enough, so now we are all doing separate, smallish dinners.  No one can fit the 20 family members into their houses.

 

Also - it drives me crazy that my husband feels obligated to exchange gifts at work - he must have spent a fortune on booze yesterday to take today, in exchange for other booze. 

Edited December 22, 2016 by Bluegoat

[wintermom]

There are numerous fun things that happen during the Christmas season, but I wouldn't say that the entire experience is overall "fun." Is life ever all fun? Perhaps our expectations are at fault.

 

I love watching my dc's Christmas concerts, but when there are 3 scheduled in one weekend, there's a lot less time to have fun.

I love eating Christmas cookies, but feeling overfull and guilty for over-eating is less fun.

I enjoy looking at our Christmas decorations, and those around the neighbourhood, but carving out the time to do it myself isn't fun. Happily the dc have been able to do this task for the last couple years, and they actually do have fun doing it. I have fun looking at the results - our outdoor decorations are creative. ;)

It was truly fun to do the bulk of my Christmas shopping on-line. I drove to the US to pick up one box full of exactly what my dc wanted. It was the BEST!

It was extremely fun to play outdoor tennis last year on Christmas day. This is a very rare opportunity in our neck of the woods, and to drop everything and just get out and play was FUN!

 

Edited December 22, 2016 by wintermom

[SamanthaCarter]

My biggest wish is that the season didn't start so early. I think that's what stresses me out the most. People and organizations start events even before Thanksgiving: parades, festivals, tree lightings, parties, concerts etc. I know they do it because they are trying to maximize participation, but I hate the way it draws everything out so far. We've already been to the parade and the concert and the gingerbread festival by the end of the first full week of December. Then, nothing. Nothing but a bunch of ads and commercials that seem to be telling me what I should be doing to keep the magic going all month.

 

I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying. Something's wrong, but I can't point to exactly what. I haven't liked Christmas for at least 8 years. Quite frankly I don't like being the mom in the Christmas equation. Ha!

 

 

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[Carol in Cal.]

I try to get most of my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving.  I hate hate hate going to the mall when there is no parking.

 

Then I fill in with stuff from online or small businesses.

 

We spread out presents over the 12 days of Christmas, so if they arrive late, no biggie.

 

I love Christmas decorations.  Carrying a roll of Christmas wrapping paper from one room to another makes me happy.  I have this anticipatory buzz that is associated with all of this.  So I'm always happy this time of the year, whether I do much or not.  

 

I try to see all the things--there are fantastic Christmas displays in my neighborhood and downtown and in the nearest city.  I sing in no less than 3 concerts every December, and go Christmas caroling, too.  Our church has extra midweek services during Advent, and a Christmas Eve 'candlelight' service and a Christmas Day service as well.  We have an intimate family Christmas Eve where we enjoy putting ornaments on the tree and opening presents, and we have Big Family Christmas at someone's house, where we bring food and gifts along.

 

It's not nearly as good as when I was a kid, but it's still great, it makes me happy, and I can help make others happy as well.  It's all good.

 

 

[Wheres Toto]

I'm definitely not feeling it this year.

 

My stepfather died earlier this year so we are kind of floundering to figure out the new routine so my mother isn't alone and it's mainly resulting in duplication of effort.

It's the first year oldest dd is really not at home, so that's an adjustment.  She's living with my mother and there was a hitch with her work schedule that resulted in a change of plan that has dh grouchy, so we're fighting.

The kids have basically been taking turns getting sick since Thanksgiving and little dd is back to coughing with a sore throat today.

The kids did our Christmas pageant last weekend, are singing in church Christmas Eve, plus had a belt test at TKD, plus we had our 4-H Holiday Party, plus we went to a friends party, plus we had my dad over last weekend, plus I haven't slept well in about a week.  

 

I'm just feeling tired.

[Bluegoat]

My biggest wish is that the season didn't start so early. I think that's what stresses me out the most. People and organizations start events even before Thanksgiving: parades, festivals, tree lightings, parties, concerts etc. I know they do it because they are trying to maximize participation, but I hate the way it draws everything out so far. We've already been to the parade and the concert and the gingerbread festival by the end of the first full week of December. Then, nothing. Nothing but a bunch of ads and commercials that seem to be telling me what I should be doing to keep the magic going all month.

 

I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying. Something's wrong, but I can't point to exactly what. I haven't liked Christmas for at least 8 years. Quite frankly I don't like being the mom in the Christmas equation. Ha!

 

 

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I feel like that should say "maximize how much people spend"

[Bluegoat]

Oh - here is a story based on just this question about feeling overwhelmed - especially about women feeling overwhelmed - by Christmas.  It's a good laugh.

 

Dave Cooks the CHristmas Turkey

[MooCow]

I don't really enjoy it so much anymore. The traffic, the constant Christmas music that starts right after Halloween on the radio, the bad attitudes from people in a hurry.......and I miss the family members that are gone....

[HomeAgain]

I feel like that should say "maximize how much people spend"

 

Ain't that the truth.

 

We cut out a lot of activities and things because of the cost.  There's a cost to get into the main event here....which is nothing more than shopping.  Oh, they have activities, too, but each one requires an additional payment of $10-$30.

[Ali in OR]

I love Christmas. It's everything else I want to drop! My stress comes from just having too much required of me--my days are full all year long. Adding all of the Christmas stuff overwhelms me. But I like the Christmas stuff--baking, letter writing, gift buying and wrapping. I want to drop the house cleaning, home schooling, kid activities. Not really. I just need more hours in the day. I think it will be better next year as youngest will be in high school (public school) and I'll have more time during the day.

[fairfarmhand]

Here's a follow up question...I hear a lot of drop what you don't love. So what if what you don't enjoy is very very important to other people. For instance, extended family can be very wrapped up on Christmas traditions that are kind of meaningless to others. I'm not thinking necessarily of younger generations but more old aunt Mildred and great grandmother Josephine who really don't have Christmas without the gathering of extended family. They get great joy from things that might suck the fun out of our own personal Christmas stuff because that's all they have. They're not stressed and overcommitted. So how do you balance those expectations?

 

 

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[happi duck]

I love Christmas and always have. Like others though we keep it "simple" by only doing the things that are meaningful to us and changing it up when need be.

 

However, I do think "simple" can be different from person to person.

[HomeAgain]

Here's a follow up question...I hear a lot of drop what you don't love. So what if what you don't enjoy is very very important to other people. For instance, extended family can be very wrapped up on Christmas traditions that are kind of meaningless to others. I'm not thinking necessarily of younger generations but more old aunt Mildred and great grandmother Josephine who really don't have Christmas without the gathering of extended family. They get great joy from things that might suck the fun out of our own personal Christmas stuff because that's all they have. They're not stressed and overcommitted. So how do you balance those expectations?

 

 

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Then that is my give.  There are a lot of demands on the holiday, but if I can do only the ones that mean the most I'm good.  I dislike our advent calendar.  It requires me to think about it every night because it's a new ornament to find on the tree the next day (they're all numbered).  But the children love it (even the almost-adult) so it's my give.  I will cut out other things to make room for that in our lives without leaving me stressed and over extended.  When I was a kid my mom's give was Christmas a.m. at the grandparents.  And I do mean a.m. - right after midnight mass.  Dealing with a bunch of tired children on Christmas morning was not her cuppa tea.  But she worked it in and accepted that it was just going to be that way, so cut out other stuff (like first thing opening presents at our house.  It moved to later in the morning)

[MysteryJen]

For us, my mom is super invested in hosting Christmas eve. It is her thing and the one thing that makes Christmas "Christmas" for her. So we go, always no matter the weather or the bad sibling behavior (another post). It is a pain and I really don't like it, but it won't last forever and it is super important to the kids. Christmas Day is low key at our house and dmil comes over for a sort of hangout day, with easy brunch-ish food and opening presents.

 

But that is it. I am not responsible for aunts, uncles, cousins, even siblings. If others want to host, great. If we are able to make it (usually not due to practices or meets), then we might. Especially now, with dd1 only home for a few days, I protect those days.  

[Liz CA]

I like Christmas. Like Regentrude, I have many good memories of Christmas time, baking with my grandmother, sloshing through the snow, ice skating, sledding, family, candles - always lots of candles.

I still have candles. We still have some traditions we kept, have added others.

Gift giving is limited to immediate family mostly.

Food is a fun part. I usually have - types of cookies. We have a birthday today so there is always cake left over on Christmas as well.

It's become a lot more meaningful when I started to refocus on family and the religious reason than try to keep up with the commercial race to the cash register, although online shopping has made things very easy for me. I hate fighting over the last gift, the last parking spot or the last good deal.

 

[Carol in Cal.]

 I'm not thinking necessarily of younger generations but more old aunt Mildred and great grandmother Josephine who really don't have Christmas without the gathering of extended family. They get great joy from things that might suck the fun out of our own personal Christmas stuff because that's all they have.

12 Days Of Christmas

 

If your own immediate family Christmas is not focused exclusively on the same day as the rellies, it's a lot easier to enjoy both without feeling deprived.

 

You could do major gift giving on January 6 to coincide with the Wise bringing gifts to baby Jesus, for instance, and have Christmas dinner be all about extended family.  That also enables you to shop the post-Christmas sales for discounts.  Um.  I hear.  :)

[MEmama]

Give where you can and be honest about the rest.

 

When we lived in the same town as my in laws, MIL assumed we would "do Christmas" with them all day. To us, it was important that we have our own holiday traditions and decided Christmas morning belonged to the three of us only. As a compromise we spent the afternoons with them, but we never gave in on the morning. I'm extremely grateful we set our boundaries and stuck to them. Now we live thousands of miles away so it's moot. I don't travel on holidays and I don't ask others to travel to us. We are honest and upfront about it. We'd rather see them in calmer times and not when she's a nervous wreck about her own holiday expectations. I don't share those expectations or obligations so she would be very disappointed visiting our home during this season. It works out.

 

I'm quite certain great aunt Josephine can handle some honesty from another adult. It's unlikely her routine has never changed over the years.

[rocassie]

I generally enjoy Christmas, but I do have some baggage surrounding Christmas from my childhood.  Although it's a happy time and I enjoy myself, there's always this cloud over me during this time of year.

 

The two biggest things that make Christmas enjoyable for me:

 

1. (Barring unusual circumstances) we stay home for Christmas Eve and Christmas.  Family and friends are 2-3 hours away.  We want Christmas to be a lazy day.  Every other year, sometime around the holidays, we make a trip in to try and see everyone.  I figure they can make the effort the other year.  If they choose not to (whatever the reason), that's okay - less work for me.  Plus we see them plenty throughout the year.

2. I don't do everything.  We decorate all together as a family.  DH bakes with the kids.  DH and I pick presents together for the kids and we wrap together (or split it.)  I take care of gifts for my family and DH takes care of his family.  I may knit gifts but I don't try to make something for everyone.  One year if I make gifts for my family then the next it may be DH's family.  One year may be the women, the next the men.  Extended family has no expectation of gifts for us.  Sometimes they get them and sometimes not, they know not to take it personal anymore.

 

In the first few years of marriage, there was some conflict with extended family having a lot of hurt feelings that we were choosing to do something different.  However, the hurt feelings faded with time when they saw that we weren't cutting them out of our life.  

 

My kids are on the young side so not so many outside activities yet, but I'm willing to be flexible to what our Christmas season looks like.

[regentrude]

Here's a follow up question...I hear a lot of drop what you don't love. So what if what you don't enjoy is very very important to other people. For instance, extended family can be very wrapped up on Christmas traditions that are kind of meaningless to others. I'm not thinking necessarily of younger generations but more old aunt Mildred and great grandmother Josephine who really don't have Christmas without the gathering of extended family. They get great joy from things that might suck the fun out of our own personal Christmas stuff because that's all they have. They're not stressed and overcommitted. So how do you balance those expectations?

 

I throw things overboard that nobody cares about, but I'd be happy do include something that I personally didn't care for, but that was very important to a loved one.

I'd find compromise to bring it to a manageable level.

If I had extended family that wanted to get together (oh, how I wish!), I'd see if we all could find a time for a family gathering, even if that were not the most joyful way for me to spend my time. I don't see a scenario where multiple extended family members make multiple distinct demands - in that case, I'd insist on consolidating and hosting one big gathering for everybody instead of insisting on a dozen separate visits which I might not be able or willing to do.

 

When we still lived in our home country, we had arranged our schedule so it would work for everybody. Christmas Eve at home. Festive meal at my parents, with my side of the family, on the 25th. Festive meal with the inlaws and BIL on the 26th. Worked fine for us.

I'd expect to be able to work out a compromise for differing scenarios as well.

Edited December 22, 2016 by regentrude

[KarenNC]

12 Days Of Christmas

 

If your own immediate family Christmas is not focused exclusively on the same day as the rellies, it's a lot easier to enjoy both without feeling deprived.

 

You could do major gift giving on January 6 to coincide with the Wise bringing gifts to baby Jesus, for instance, and have Christmas dinner be all about extended family.  That also enables you to shop the post-Christmas sales for discounts.  Um.  I hear.   :)

 

It made a difference for us when we changed our immediate family gift exchange to the Solstice, which is our winter religious holiday anyway. Solstice is all about our immediate family traditions, from opening gifts to watching certain movies to having certain kinds of food--very laid-back. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are about extended family. We get together with a core group of friends on Christmas Eve, do Christmas brunch with my family and then spend the rest of the day with my husband's parents (though this year brunch is Christmas Eve morning).

[Laura Cook]

Normally I like Christmas, but this year I am feeling kind of weird about it. I'm not feeling all negative and bah-humbug, but I'm not happy or excited either. This year Christmas feels big, bright, noisy and busy. Overblown is the word I would use to describe it. Luckily, I recognized how I was feeling soon after Thanksgiving and have managed to plan things in a way that hasn't taken any of the excitement away from my kids. The tree is up and the kids did all of it except for the lights. DH put lights on the house because that has always been one of my favorite things. I'm not making a single gift this year. Countdown calendar went up with candy only in it, no planned out activities because I just don't want to be locked into it this year. We've done a little baking, a little crafting, watched a couple movies and have gone to exactly 2 Christmas events, a Christmas Vespers concert done by the music department at a local college and The Nutcracker, which my daughter was performing in. My ILs are coming here for lunch and gifts on Christmas Eve. We will stay home that evening and just hang out and relax together. We will open gifts here Christmas morning and then drive 45 minutes to my parent's house for more gifts and dinner. Easy, simple and good enough. It's more and/or less than other people might be doing but it has been just right for us.

[maize]

I love Christmas and do not find it burdensome.

But I have never gotten caught up in trying to do more than I felt able to make the season special. I readily discard, modify, or postpone for a later season of life ideas of things I would like to do because I don't feel up to it this year.

We keep gift giving very simple, I choose a family gift or two that I know my kids will enjoy and just do stocking stuffers for individual gifts. We don't pretend Santa Claus is real but we do enjoy playing along by following NORAD Tracks Santa on Christmas Eve. I'd love to do from-scratch gingerbread houses as we often did growing up but settle for a kit from the store instead. I do fun but simple food--hot chocolate and cheese and crackers feels special to my kids! We sometimes do something like secretly adopting a family but only in years when I am not already feeling overwhelmed. I want to do more music than we do--caroling, playing in an ensemble with my kids and friends-but accept that this season with lots of littles means I don't have the energy for all I would like to do. We put up a tree and let the kids decorate however they want. On Christmas Eve we always read the Nativity story in the Bible and the kids act it out, using whatever cobbled together costumes they and I come up with.

I really do enjoy Christmas and don't find it stressful at all.

Edited December 22, 2016 by maize

[Serenade]

H I'm not thinking necessarily of younger generations but more old aunt Mildred and great grandmother Josephine who really don't have Christmas without the gathering of extended family. They get great joy from things that might suck the fun out of our own personal Christmas stuff because that's all they have. They're not stressed and overcommitted. So how do you balance those expectations?

 

 

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That is a very good question, and I think something that affects me a lot, too. It's why I do some of the things I do. I mean, really, I would feel lousy if my family went away for a quiet Christmas to the mountains, but then I left my mother behind. Or my sister with a new baby niece. I feel my niece, especially, deserves to grow up with the Christmas memories my boys had. It's not her fault that she was born years after my younger son, and many years younger than the rest of the cousins.

 

I tell myself it's a bit of a sacrifice. But maybe that's the meaning of Christmas. I don't pretend to think that it's all about me, even though I'm the one who bears the bulk of the stress. Every year I say next year will be different, but it never is. I really think if I could find just the right way to plan, that maybe someday it will all be enjoyable again, to me, too.

[maize]

Re: extended family, we really don't have much family around so no obligations there. I don't know how we would handle things if we did.

[Liz CA]

Sadie, I can see why this is not your favorite time of the year. You are also trying to make it work for everyone else and this is an added burden.

Everyone here is grown up (at least in years :)) and we keep things very low key but I do enjoy getting a couple of nice gifts family members will enjoy - but only what is in the budget. This year, we just decided to accept the Christmas invitation and visit extended family about 3 hours away.

 

I am trying to make Christmas more of an attitude than a "gotta to do this" thing and it was not always like that. There are perks to getting older - we care less what others think. :)

[Liz CA]

I would really like to just have it as a day off work for dh ( he never gets those) and a meal and fun together. Forget everything else.

 

I do like Easter, so I'm not always this miserable!

 

If I didn't have to do gift buying, I'd probably cope better.

 

Can you give one of your teens a budget and entrust him/her with the gift buying?

[maize]

It really sounds like gift giving and pressure to meet family expectations are the big stressors for people.

 

In many ways I think I've just been fortunate--my family is large but scattered and generally easy going with each other; we don't expect holiday gatherings or a general exchange of gifts.

 

And dh I and I decided early on to keep the within family gift giving minimal--I have zero interest in buying gifts just to buy a gift, and he's a true minimalist. Our kids are used to simple so that is what they expect.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I love the idea of Christmas, but don't love the reality. 

 

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and I struggle just to get out of bed and make a meal that day.  My diet is less than ideal simply because I just don't have the energy to deal with things and I eat to stay awake.  The "stuff" of Christmas just stresses me out and we really don't go hog wild on presents.  I just want something nice for everyone to open.  If I can't do "point and click" shopping, then I'm forced to go out and get stuff, which is very tiring.  We really scaled back on decorating.  Dd and I will probably do some baking.  She was stressing out about finals, but she finished up today. 

 

Things with K make it difficult to be joyful.  I can't play Christmas music in the house because it is a trigger.  Part of K's issues include delusions and black & white thinking.  In K's mind, pretty much all Christians are equivalent to Westburo Baptist Church (despite the fact that we are really mellow Catholics who lean a tad liberal, but the fact that we are Christian means that we are oppressive, bigoted, etc.)  I feel like I am walking on eggshells. 

 

We used to have a bunch of friends that we would see before Christmas.  That has evaporated.  Now, I feel lucky if we get a card.  But I am very sad that I see all these cards with pictures on them and a little update on their families.  I used to do that and really enjoyed writing clever, funny, and humble recaps of our year including our foibles.  But, K doesn't allow us to take pictures, let alone share them.   If I do send out cards, it will just be a generic card that gets sent after Christmas.   The upside of not having any friends anymore is that I don't have to feel guilty because I don't have any Christmas treats to share.  The downside is that it can feel rather lonely in a home where I have to be so low key. 

 

We won't be with my family because K finds them too triggery (I can see their point ... my family is not perfect and I was cringing at some of the things I heard them say at Thanksgiving.)  If it were just a day trip, we could leave K and just go ourselves.  But it would be at least 2 days and I don't feel comfortable leaving K alone that long. 

 

My main goal is to get a few treats made, mostly for tradition's sake and to have some fun things ready for when dh's family comes after the holidays, wrap some presents, and try to keep everyone's noses out of their electronics for 24 hours.  Anything else will be gravy.

[4Kiddos]

I used really not like Christmas. It just felt so stressful and commercial and there were so many obligations and things to do. Then about six years ago through a whole bunch of books/resources I felt really inspired to simplify and beautify my life. And this included Christmas in a wonderful way. I have a lot of beautiful memories of traditional Christmases with my German grandparents. So I borrowed from my grandparents and started traditions in our family that are probably more European than American but I don't care. And I have a special vintage book from my grandfather that talks about "Gemütlichkeit"- the German practice of making your home and family feel cozy and warm and contented, especially in winter. This is similar to the Danish "Hygge".

 

Here is what we do:

 

- Baking/Cooking- I really love baking and we have special recipes that I only make at Christmas. This makes it extra special and we look forward to those recipes all year.

 

- Decorating- We have slowly been collecting really special, simple decorations. They make me happy just putting them out. I have a beautiful handcarved Joseph, Mary, and baby Jesus. We have another special and beautiful hard resin nativity set for the children. I use evergreens from our yard or gotten for free when we get our Christmas tree.

 

Whoa...I had more to say but I have to go rescue my three year old from the wrestling brothers. Back later to finish

[mamaraby]

It made a difference for us when we changed our immediate family gift exchange to the Solstice, which is our winter religious holiday anyway. Solstice is all about our immediate family traditions, from opening gifts to watching certain movies to having certain kinds of food--very laid-back. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are about extended family. We get together with a core group of friends on Christmas Eve, do Christmas brunch with my family and then spend the rest of the day with my husband's parents (though this year brunch is Christmas Eve morning).

This, except it isn't religious for us. It's just our thing. We do what we want and don't have to accomodate what my parents want or how to fit it all in. By the time the extended family stuff comes up, we've already done our thing. Plus, since dh works a 24/7 type of profession ot frees him up to work holiday overtime when everyone else wants to be home with their families.

 

I also give myself permission to say "No." as in, "No, Mom, I don't want to go away as a group over the holidays." I said yes twice in the past, but then we miss our own Solstice celebration and I just really don't like traveling in big groups in general.

[mamaraby]

I don't want to hurt my mum by saying no.

I totally get that. I hate how sad my mom is because we don't do easter and my not wanting to travel over the holiday season and how I won't be not-vegan just on the holidays.

 

It sucks to try and walk that line.

[CadenceSophia]

We keep Advent pretty strictly with a fast so it doesn't feel stretched out at all to me. I don't find it any harder or more stressful than any other holiday and I wouldn't even find it very hard if we didn't have such crazy allergies requiring me to bake every.single.sinking.thing from scratch with basically a new recipe every year (meaning lots of stuff fails as I try out different things).. All from really expensive ingredients I need to order a month in advance or drive 2h round trip to track down. But that's just our life and not doing it would mean the kids not getting special meals and treats a few times a year so I am certainly not giving up.

 

We moved away from family when our oldest was little. A good part of that decision was influenced by how many insane expectations they put on us, with a tiny baby that first Christmas. I do love my (extended) family but DH and I decided to put our little family first and do whatever we felt was best for us as a whole.

[sdobis]

My biggest struggle is hosting Christmas for the in-laws. I always feel judged by them, although I know some of it is in my head. I'm trying to let go of some of that stress. I do a little each day to prepare for the big party. Other than that, I try to enjoy the season. I'm not a baker, so my daughter and I dipped pretzel rods in chocolate and sprinkles. We had fun. I enjoy torturing my daughter with Christmas music whenever we're the car. I spend a lot of my free time knitting. The nice thing about having older kids is that they don't need you every second watching over them.

 

I planned a New Year's party for my closest friends. I'm super excited about just relaxing with my friends.

[Garga]

For the most part, I enjoy Christmas. But when I hear people grouse about Christmas it's usually because they are waaaay over extended. I have never been over extended. A big part of that is that we have very little family nearby (for me it's only in-laws) and we celebrate with them on Christmas eve by going out to dinner and that's it. There are no committments. I think that's the key.

 

Some years I dislike Christmas for varying reasons, usually from dealing with missing my family during the season and a few years because DH struggled with depression at Christmas and could make the holiday difficult for everyone around him. He has worked through that and things are good now.

 

Mostly Christmas is just fun and I keep it that way. It's only marginally more busy than the other months of the year.