Need commiseration from peri-menopausal, lower income folks

[Tiramisu]

DD was asked by her orchestra teacher to play in a concert on short notice and no details were given. I thought it was a church related event. When we got to the venue, not a church but an arts center, we realized that we had to buy tickets. Ugh.

 

While dh stood in line to buy tickets, I ran to the ladies room with little DD. I rushed and didn't pay attention and sat on a wet toilet seat. Then I dried myself and tried not to think about what diseases I just contracted.

 

When we got out I asked dh how much the tickets cost, and he told me that I didn't want to know. I pushed and he admitted they cost $120.

 

I must have yelled, "Can we return them?!!" because I realized people were looking at me with wide eyes.

 

I walked over to the wall and started crying and I'm not a crier as a rule.

 

Christmas is not the best time to blow $120 and I was already grossed out because of the toilet seat.

 

Dh tried to console me and led me away from the wall and through the door into the theater where we ran into our new pastor. The last time I saw him, I made a terrible impression and completely embarrassed myself, so seeing him made me cry more. He held my hands and asked why I was so upset. He was sweet and gentle and assured me that the money was a contribution to a very good cause, but my responses made me feel even more ridiculous.

 

(I used to feel I could handle any situation with finesse but now I just bumble around awkwardly.)

 

It wasn't until midway through the show that announcements were made I realized that this was a fundraiser for a very good cause that would potentially benefit someone dear to me.

 

But I still feel I lost control and made myself look really foolish. And my kind pastor will probably be worried that our financial situation is worse than it is.

 

So that was my Saturday night.

[SKL]

:grouphug: 

[SKL]

I'm sure your pastor has heard worse.  Everyone has difficult days - even your pastor - and December is usually when that happens.

[Scarlett]

DD was asked by her orchestra teacher to play in a concert on short notice and no details were given. I thought it was a church related event. When we got to the venue, not a church but an arts center, we realized that we had to buy tickets. Ugh.

 

While dh stood in line to buy tickets, I ran to the ladies room with little DD. I rushed and didn't pay attention and sat on a wet toilet seat. Then I dried myself and tried not to think about what diseases I just contracted.

 

When we got out I asked dh how much the tickets cost, and he told me that I didn't want to know. I pushed and he admitted they cost $120.

 

I must have yelled, "Can we return them?!!" because I realized people were looking at me with wide eyes.

 

I walked over to the wall and started crying and I'm not a crier as a rule.

 

Christmas is not the best time to blow $120 and I was already grossed out because of the toilet seat.

 

Dh tried to console me and led me away from the wall and through the door into the theater where we ran into our new pastor. The last time I saw him, I made a terrible impression and completely embarrassed myself, so seeing him made me cry more. He held my hands and asked why I was so upset. He was sweet and gentle and assured me that the money was a contribution to a very good cause, but my responses made me feel even more ridiculous.

 

(I used to feel I could handle any situation with finesse but now I just bumble around awkwardly.)

 

It wasn't until midway through the show that announcements were made I realized that this was a fundraiser for a very good cause that would potentially benefit someone dear to me.

 

But I still feel I lost control and made myself look really foolish. And my kind pastor will probably be worried that our financial situation is worse than it is.

 

So that was my Saturday night.

 

Oh my poor woman. That is EXACTLY how I react to unexpected situations...especially financial. I certainly feel your pain.

[MeghansMom]

Hugs to you! :grouphug:

 

Things will get better.

[Alicia64]

$120 is a TON of money -- especially in December. What was the orchestra teacher thinking?!

 

Cut yourself some slack. I don't think this is menopausal-related -- I think it's common sense related!!

 

(DH would have freaked if we'd been in your shoes.)

 

Alley

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I almost smacked a college friend upside the head one time when I complained about the outrageous cost of 1-day reunion tickets ($60 pp) and she responded in a totally dismissive way that "$60 is a bottle of wine." Maybe for YOU, lady, but for a lot of us, that's 3 days' worth of groceries for a family of 5. :glare:

[Tiramisu]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I almost smacked a college friend upside the head one time when I complained about the outrageous cost of 1-day reunion tickets ($60 pp) and she responded in a totally dismissive way that "$60 is a bottle of wine." Maybe for YOU, lady, but for a lot of us, that's 3 days' worth of groceries for a family of 5. :glare:

Exactly.

 

And I get caught in a spiral of thinking about how much food that $120 would buy and what I can give up to make up for the loss.

[wintermom]

I'm getting more and more annoyed at the expense of tickets parents are expected to pay when bringing our children to perform in events. Yes, it's great for young people to get experience and charity events are wonderful, but the cost of music lessons, instruments, driving to and from practices and events, adds up quickly. Tack on some high priced tickets to go watch my child play and I'm so DONE. 

[Tiramisu]

$120 is a TON of money -- especially in December. What was the orchestra teacher thinking?!

 

Cut yourself some slack. I don't think this is menopausal-related -- I think it's common sense related!!

 

(DH would have freaked if we'd been in your shoes.)

 

Alley

My dh never worries about money and doesn't pay the bills. He is a great guy and balances me out, but was fortunate to have been an only child to well off parents and can't relate to how freaked out I can get about money.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[justasque]

Wow.  That's an expensive outing.  About $40/ticket?  That's the price of a professional performance.  
I assume the orchestra teacher didn't realize you weren't savvy to the cost up-front.  I would have had a bit of a meltdown too, especially at this time of year.  (And I would probably have been equally clueless -  no one expects that kind of price for a non-professional show.)  
Your dh is a sweetheart though.  And it sounds like your dd is a wonderful musician, whose teacher felt she was good enough to perform in such an expensive show!  
I know it will be hard, but all you can do now is to focus on the good that will come from the funds raised.    

Don't worry another minute about the pastor - that relationship will work itself out in the long run.
If you can gently let the teacher know you were a bit shocked at the ticket price and would like a heads up in future, that would be good.  (Unless it was communicated, but in some way that you were too busy to comprehend, in which case I'd skip talking to the teacher and let it go.  If you have high-achieving, busy kids, you simply can't be on top of every single thing all the time.)

[Pippen]

I would have flipped at those ticket prices too. I've had kids involved in musical activities for over a decade now and they've played in some fine concert halls (including Chicago's Orchestra Hall and Sydney Opera House) and we've never had a ticket approach that price. 

 

If it makes you feel any better, I did arrive at one concert and upon discovering that we were going to have to fork over $10 for tickets, I called grandparents and suggested they stay home because my kid was going to be playing two short pieces, followed by a college band playing one very long, very boring piece. (It's the latest thing around here--colleges inviting high school groups to share the concert, mostly so they can bring in an audience).

[JennyD]

Yesterday my kids played at a concert in the art museum and I was annoyed to discover when we left that DH had paid $5 for parking.  We were supposed to be able to park for free but the main lot was full and so he dropped us off and then parked elsewhere.  If he had mentioned this earlier I would have found the organizer and asked for some kind of pass.  Admission to the museum was - appropriately -- free for performers.  

 

$120 would have sent me through the roof.  And we are not low-income.

 

 

Edited December 5, 2016 by JennyD

[Tiramisu]

Wow. That's an expensive outing. About $40/ticket? That's the price of a professional performance.

I assume the orchestra teacher didn't realize you weren't savvy to the cost up-front. I would have had a bit of a meltdown too, especially at this time of year. (And I would probably have been equally clueless - no one expects that kind of price for a non-professional show.)

Your dh is a sweetheart though. And it sounds like your dd is a wonderful musician, whose teacher felt she was good enough to perform in such an expensive show!

I know it will be hard, but all you can do now is to focus on the good that will come from the funds raised.

Don't worry another minute about the pastor - that relationship will work itself out in the long run.

If you can gently let the teacher know you were a bit shocked at the ticket price and would like a heads up in future, that would be good. (Unless it was communicated, but in some way that you were too busy to comprehend, in which case I'd skip talking to the teacher and let it go. If you have high-achieving, busy kids, you simply can't be on top of every single thing all the time.)

The main part of the show was done by professionals and it was nice that DD was among the students chosen to play. Unfortunately, the stage got crowded when the students were brought in and DD was seated behind a speaker so we could not see her at all. ðŸ™

 

I ran into another mom whose DS was also invited to play. He is in another school but they also had to idea what it was about and how pricey the tickets were. So, yeah, it wasn't just me.

[Tiramisu]

All of these replies are making me feel warm and fuzzy.

 

Thank you, one and all!!!!

[chiguirre]

 

I ran into another mom whose DS was also invited to play. He is in another school but they also had to idea what it was about and how pricey the tickets were. So, yeah, it wasn't just me.

 

That's really not acceptable. I would expect to be told the ticket price in advance and, honestly, I wouldn't pay $40 to hear a short piece by Trinqueta. I'd have dropped her off and headed to the nearest Starbucks to wait out the concert.

[Rebel Yell]

I do believe that making a contribution to a worthy cause is awesome, but I believe even more so that it should be a cause of your choosing, and an amount you are comfortable donating.

 

I think it is very wrong for the teacher to have not informed you of admission costs in advance. I think the performer and a minimum of one adult chaperone should be included.

 

SweetChild was part of a performance group for four years. Many shows were at assisted living homes- free for residents, parents stood in back so as not to block view of residents, some at community events or amusement parks. Any event that had limited seating, admission costs, paid or not-close parking was clearly communicated several weeks in advance. The amusement park with $40 admission gave each performer a free ticket plus one for a guest, also free admission for the directors, costume assistant, and equipment van drivers.

 

We paid far more than enough for lessons, tuition, classes, etc. No freaking way can I continually pay admissions for a family of five to watch my kid do a show they also do 20 other times for free.

 

Even when she does a play or musical, which have ticket fees ranging from $5 a $20, and a run of 2-12 shows, I did not purchase a ticket for every show. Add to that Diamond's shows she choreographs for, and our friends in other shows.... we just can't do everything. And FWIW, $120 would have sent me into an absolute meltdown rage. That is an entire week's groceries.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Rebel Yell

[Guest]

Er... we're not low income, yet I still would've freaked out about an unexpected $120 expense. Wowzers.

[gaillardia]

Just wait til you get to be post-menopausal and you do not care who hears you say what about the cost of tickets. As you can see, you are not alone in your mini-outrage.

I used to be a crying wall-crumbler too and would spill my guts to my pastor, crying all the while.

 

Congratulations, though, on having a very talented musician to raise. Awesome stuff there, Tiramisu. :grouphug:

 

 

[Liz CA]

$120 is a TON of money -- especially in December. What was the orchestra teacher thinking?!

 

Cut yourself some slack. I don't think this is menopausal-related -- I think it's common sense related!!

 

(DH would have freaked if we'd been in your shoes.)

 

Alley

 

Agreeing. It's one thing to choose to attend a recital and being aware of the cost but you guys were blindsighted. Hopefully you will be blessed in many other ways!

$120 is not what I would expect for admission to an event that is church related.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Liz CA

[gardenmom5]

DD was asked by her orchestra teacher to play in a concert on short notice and no details were given. I thought it was a church related event. When we got to the venue, not a church but an arts center, we realized that we had to buy tickets. Ugh.

 

While dh stood in line to buy tickets, I ran to the ladies room with little DD. I rushed and didn't pay attention and sat on a wet toilet seat. Then I dried myself and tried not to think about what diseases I just contracted.

 

When we got out I asked dh how much the tickets cost, and he told me that I didn't want to know. I pushed and he admitted they cost $120.

 

I must have yelled, "Can we return them?!!" because I realized people were looking at me with wide eyes.

 

I walked over to the wall and started crying and I'm not a crier as a rule.

 

Christmas is not the best time to blow $120 and I was already grossed out because of the toilet seat.

 

Dh tried to console me and led me away from the wall and through the door into the theater where we ran into our new pastor. The last time I saw him, I made a terrible impression and completely embarrassed myself, so seeing him made me cry more. He held my hands and asked why I was so upset. He was sweet and gentle and assured me that the money was a contribution to a very good cause, but my responses made me feel even more ridiculous.

 

(I used to feel I could handle any situation with finesse but now I just bumble around awkwardly.)

 

It wasn't until midway through the show that announcements were made I realized that this was a fundraiser for a very good cause that would potentially benefit someone dear to me.

 

But I still feel I lost control and made myself look really foolish. And my kind pastor will probably be worried that our financial situation is worse than it is.

 

So that was my Saturday night.

 

those are expensive tickets.  whoever was in charge dropped the ball - that type of thing should never be such a surprise.

I would have been disgusted by the pastors remarks that they're going to a good cause.  hello?  *I* chose the causes to which I donate.

 

you're reactions are very understandable.

 

$120 is a TON of money -- especially in December. What was the orchestra teacher thinking?!

 

Cut yourself some slack. I don't think this is menopausal-related -- I think it's common sense related!!

 

(DH would have freaked if we'd been in your shoes.)

 

Alley

this.

[Guest]

I'm getting more and more annoyed at the expense of tickets parents are expected to pay when bringing our children to perform in events. Yes, it's great for young people to get experience and charity events are wonderful, but the cost of music lessons, instruments, driving to and from practices and events, adds up quickly. Tack on some high priced tickets to go watch my child play and I'm so DONE.

Yes, all that on top to what we fork over for lessons is enough to drive me to tears too!

[Murphy101]

Wow. We would have had to just turn around and go home. That's bleeping nuts to surprise that on people and I would have felt the same way even if I probably wouldn't have cried about it publicly. I don't think this peri-menopausal issue.

 

Ugh. Stuff like that is why Easter is my favorite holiday and Christmas is my least favorite.

[Seasider]

I think you were very sweet to react with tears rather than a loud outburst of anger! A week of groceries indeed...

[purplejackmama]

Wow!! I moaned and groaned at the $10 football tickets (per person!) we had to pay every.single.week so we could see my son's bad news bears team get landblasted 50+ to nothing. I really don't understand this charging the parents thing. As if the hundreds of dollars on equipment, training, etc isn't enough?!

 

Sorry I'm grumpy. Hugs to the OP. I get ya. And I'm Skevved out about the toilet seat, too.

[Baseball mom]

:grouphug:   That is ALOT of money.   There is no way we could have done that especially right now. 

[heartlikealion]

I think it would be a rock, paper, scissors game to see who stayed inside the building with ds lol. I honestly don't know how we'd handle that but I would hate to fork over that much money, especially this time of year. I would possibly even ask the ticket booth person if parents with children in the show had to pay LOL.

 

Sorry this happened.

[theelfqueen]

Posted in wrong thread somehow.

 

Edited December 5, 2016 by theelfqueen

[Guest]

I told my husband and he said he'd be upset and/or furious too. Especially with the short notice, we would have completely refused. That's ridiculous and you were not out of line for *only* crying!

[kiwik]

I don't care how good the cause is. You already donated your daughter's performance and it is not surplus money - it is groceries. I would have just picked her up later.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Uh yeah I would have been upset.  And I wouldn't have paid that for tickets.  No way. 

 

 

[lynn]

Sorry you did not get all the info on cost up front. Glad you found a positive and know someone who will benefit from it.

 

Now the crying spells I get. I caught myself a few time crying at time I normally wouldn't. I thought I had a very weak moment but now realize it must have been a flood of peri-menopause hormones. And yes it did embarrass me but had some very understanding, supportive women around at that moment.

[DawnM]

I'm getting more and more annoyed at the expense of tickets parents are expected to pay when bringing our children to perform in events. Yes, it's great for young people to get experience and charity events are wonderful, but the cost of music lessons, instruments, driving to and from practices and events, adds up quickly. Tack on some high priced tickets to go watch my child play and I'm so DONE. 

 

 

I agree.

My friend asked me to come to her son's orchestra concert.  Tickets were $18 each.

 

Another friend's child was in a play for school.  I thought of going.  Tickets were $25.  

 

NO.  I love you and I love your child, but, no.  

 

And their "good cause" is to us the money for their drama department or their orchestra expenses.  I am sure those are good causes, but they benefit no one but yourselves.  

[DawnM]

I am sorry.

[IsabelC]

Goodness, that is expensive. And I have been whinging because we have to pay $10 each to see our kids' drama performances ($40 all up because girls and boy are in separate sessions).

Commiserations on your not fun day :(

[RebeccaS]

Oh my goodness that's a lot of money!  We could not have afforded to do that on short notice either. 

[catz]

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry for your rough day.  :(

 

My kids do a bunch of performing arts stuff and have been asked off the cuff to perform at different events.  Unless we plan ahead, we usually don't go. Non-profits do some of their biggest fundraising at cushy events like this so I don't fault them.  Sometimes we do go when the event is near and dear to our heart, it's planned in advance, and it's in the budget.  Most of them will have a web site or facebook page where you can get ticket and event info ahead of time.  I wouldn't be necessarily mad at the orchestra instructor who asked - they may have gotten a last minute call and not had all the details and just referred people they thought it might work for.  I would be most mad at my DH if he dropped a wad of money on tickets like this without at least a discussion.  Ugh. 

 

Hope you're feeling better about it now! 

[GailV]

Just wait til you get to be post-menopausal and you do not care who hears you say what about the cost of tickets. 

 

:laugh: So true!  Post-menopausal, not low-income, and I would've had ISSUES with the ticket price, particularly if it had been a surprise.

 

I tell my dd that it's because old people don't have TIME to have filters -- the clock is ticking! and we're going to drop dead any minute! Ain't nobody got time for that crap!

[Pippen]

I agree.

My friend asked me to come to her son's orchestra concert.  Tickets were $18 each.

 

Another friend's child was in a play for school.  I thought of going.  Tickets were $25.  

 

NO.  I love you and I love your child, but, no.  

 

And their "good cause" is to us the money for their drama department or their orchestra expenses.  I am sure those are good causes, but they benefit no one but yourselves.  

 

Events held at our schools are always very reasonably. Band, orchestra, chorus are free. Musicals range $5-7, which I have no problem paying because if it's not self-funding it isn't going to happen in our district. It's when they take it to outside venues that the costs rise here, and as I mentioned above often it's a college inviting the group in to help generate an audience and revenue towards operating costs.  

[DawnM]

Events held at our schools are always very reasonably. Band, orchestra, chorus are free. Musicals range $5-7, which I have no problem paying because if it's not self-funding it isn't going to happen in our district. It's when they take it to outside venues that the costs rise here, and as I mentioned above often it's a college inviting the group in to help generate an audience and revenue towards operating costs.  

 

Both of these events were private.  Private school for the drama performance and some outside orchestra event, not at school.

 

I think they would have better attendance and make the same amount, or more, if they lowered their costs.  At those prices pretty much only parents and grandparents are coming.  And the orchestra already cost hundreds to be a part of.

Edited December 5, 2016 by DawnM