Elementary age bedtimes

[Rachel]

What time do your elementary kids go to bed?

 

We start showers around 7:30, read with the kids, then lights are generally out by 8:30 or a little earlier. We aren't super strict with lights out time now that our kids aren't babies or toddlers but are pretty consistent. My kids couldn't tell you what time they go to bed, they just know it is sometime after supper.

 

All summer there were neighborhood kids out playing until 9:30 and often later. Not all the kids, but a few that I know are 9-10 were definitely out. It seemed a little late, but it was summer and still light out so I didn't find it too strange. Tonight there were kids still out playing at 8:30 pm and it's definitely a school night here. It seemed late to me considering the school bus comes down our street at 7:00. I'm just curious if my kids go to bed way earlier than others around their age.

[KungFuPanda]

My kids never went to bed before ten and the youngest is 16 now. They were homeschooled and DH rarely went to work before 10 a.m. Sometimes we had dinner at 8 or 9 p.m. They got all the sleep they needed and never used alarm clocks until oldest started high school. Once a week we get up at 7 a.m. and it's a rough day for me. I take a nap after co-op. DS does not.

[mykidsrmyjoy]

Our 5 kids, ages 6 months to 7 years, are all usually in the bed around 8. That early bedtime leaves me time to unwind and wrap up loose ends before the next intense day begins.

[Spryte]

We start bedtime stuff at 7 - for us that's meds. And reading. Showers at 7:30. More reading. Lights are out between 8:15 - 8:45.

 

We have a middle schooler and a Ker. So neither is exactly elementary. The middle schooler gets up with the sun. Ker sleeps till 9.

 

Somehow this bedtime works for them both.

 

I think kids playing that late on a school night is more than mine could handle.

[Arcadia]

The school bus comes at 7:30am for the K-5th kids. My DS11 has always went to bed past 10pm even when he was attending a K-8th public school but we walked 10mins to reach school by 8:15am (first bell). My DS10 usually go to bed at 10pm but falls asleep closer to 11pm and he wakes up by 7:30am.

[Rachel]

My kids never went to bed before ten and the youngest is 16 now. They were homeschooled and DH rarely went to work before 10 a.m. Sometimes we had dinner at 8 or 9 p.m. They got all the sleep they needed and never used alarm clocks until oldest started high school. Once a week we get up at 7 a.m. and it's a rough day for me. I take a nap after co-op. DS does not.

My in laws eat late too, when the kids spend the night I remind the kids they have to speak up if they want to eat earlier.

 

We do homeschool and don't do alarm clocks either (hallelujah!) but we all function better when the kids have 10-11 hours of sleep. The little two wake up at the same time no matter when they go to bed. The oldest prefers a 10:00 bed and wake up time, but momma needs some quiet time!

[Rachel]

Our 5 kids, ages 6 months to 7 years, are all usually in the bed around 8. That early bedtime leaves me time to unwind and wrap up loose ends before the next intense day begins.

I'm worn out for you!

[nd293]

When we lived overseas dd went to a school that started at 7:30, and she went to bed 8:30pm. Now for an 8:30 school start ds goes to bed at 9pm. We don't have real 'bedtime routine' anymore - ds (who is 9) watches his daily half hour of TV at 8pm, then has to be quietly in bed with a book or audiobook from 8:30 to 9:00pm. During the summer holidays he usually has a 10pm bedtime.

 

I know at least two of his friends whose school term bedtimes are between 7:30pm and 8pm. I've never met anyone who does a 9pm bedtime for kids ds's age. It works for us though, so ds has more time with his Dad in the evenings.

[Guest]

My husband has very, very early mornings. Alarm goes off by 4:30 and he works at least a nine hour day.

 

So my answer is influenced by the fact that we have to get him enough sleep. The kids begin baths by 6-ish (we send the big kids during our evening movie and bathe the little ones after dinner) and are usually in bed between 8-9:00. They sleep until about 8 am and the little ones have two hour naps additionally.

 

Now, ideally they'd be in bed no later than 8 pm, but it hasn't been happening lately. We wouldn't mind so much except for my husband's schedule and that we need alone time each evening to not go crazy.

 

- ETA we homeschool, so it doesn't really matter when we get rolling in the morning except as a matter of what works for us to get things done. That gives us quite a bit more flexibility for rest than someone on a set schedule, but even still if we wake too late everything else goes late as well :)

Edited September 7, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[sbgrace]

Some kids really don't need as much sleep as others. I know kids who don't wake with an alarm and sleep far less than my kids, who have always seemed to need a lot of sleep.

 

As my kids did more evening activities, it got harder to near impossible to have a bedtime as early as we did when younger. If you have an activity that ends at 8, it might be 8:30 before you're home, and then you shower/snack/whatever bedtime routine x 2 kids. It takes a while here anyway, though my sisters kids just brush teeth and hop into bed most nights--I'm sure bedtime routines vary. We can't go to bed one night at 9:30 and then the next at 8:30. So my elementary aged kids were often out still at 8:30. 

 

What frustrates me is that sometimes our bedtimes start to creep closer to 10, even in elementary school. Because my two sleep 10-11 hours most nights, days start too late with really late bedtimes.

 

Anyway, the ones you are seeing out may be sleep deprived, but they might not need as much sleep as you think they do based on your own kids.

Edited September 7, 2016 by sbgrace

[gardenmom5]

early elem - was 8:30 or earlier.  in his room with me reading stories by 8pm. even now at middle school age, bedtime lights out is 9pm, in bed reading by 8:30. If I have to wake him up to get moving in the morning - he isn't getting enough sleep.  (I did have one who did not sleep . . . her college roommates hated her.  she went to bed after they did - and was up and moving before them.  with tons of energy.)

 

My mom was very undisciplined  in when she put us to bed - and it hurt me in school because of how tired I was.

[SKL]

My kids have had a "targeted" 9:30 bedtime for most of their elementary school years.  The reality is that they are rarely asleep by 9:30.

 

Their bedtime was 8:30 from the time they were babies until they were about 5.  It got difficult because of evening activities.  Rather than try and fail to meet bedtime every night, I pushed bedtime back.  Nobody died.

 

My kids get up around 7am and meet the school bus around 7:45.

 

Even on a school night, at this time of year I'd let the kids play outside in good weather until dark (assuming homework was done).  I always feel like this could be the last nice evening in a long time.

[Sara in AZ]

My 5 and 7 year olds are asleep somewhere between 9/9:30 and get up around 7/7:30. Lights out for them is supposed to be 9. My 6th grader has lights out at 9:30, usually is asleep by 10, and wakes around 7. My husband works till about 7 pm usually, and we have a lot of activities in the evenings that make earlier bedtimes hard.

[Amira]

Youngest ds in third grade needs 10-11 hours of sleep to be cheerful so getting him to bed is a priority. We start directing him toward the shower at 7:15 and tell him to turn his light off around 8:15. He gets up at 6:50 to get on the bus at 7:15.

 

We've always done relatively early bedtimes with younger children. My older two were incapable of sleeping in for a long time so they'd also have their lights out around 8 or 8:15 even though they weren't going to school.

 

I see lots of kids staying up later. It works for them. But sleep is really important to me.

[raptor_dad]

DS9's wake up time varies between  roughly 6:30 and 8:00. He has *never* woken up after 8:00. He is either mildly ASD or part of the extended autism phenotype, He won't sleep before 10:30 without a microdose of melatonin. These days ,with melatonin, he goes to sleep between 8:00 and 8:30 and wakes at 6:30. Which is fine. Without intervention, he would go to sleep around 10:30-11:00 and wake at 7:00 and be a complete disaster every day. 

 

DS7 is neurotypical and goes to sleep between 7:00 and 7:30 and wakes up around 7:00.

[Arcadia]

Here K-5th dismiss by 2:15pm so kids could have had an afternoon nap and then have a late dinner when parents come home. For example my hubby reach home at 6pm if there is no traffic jam but sometimes reach home after 9pm due to work. My kids sleeping late means we can watch the evening news or watch a music performance on the classical music free to air TV channel together before they go to bed.

[Momling]

We do foster care and have had kids of all ages so have gotten our bedtimes down -- everyone gets up around 6:30am (7:00 on weekends/summer) and I am flexible about bedtimes on trips and for special occasions.

 

6-7 yr olds have a 7pm get-ready-for-bed time and a 7:30 lights out. I extend this by a half hour on weekends/summer.

8-9yr olds have a 7:30 get ready and 8:00 lights out. Extended to 8:30

10-11 yr olds have a 8:00 get ready and 8:30 lights out. Extended to 9:00

12-13 yr olds. I have a general expectation that they'll go to bed around 9:00ish (10ish on weekends/summer) and/or when I tell them

14+ don't have a specific bedtime

[heartlikealion]

I keep pushing back the time for ds. He is so awful to get up in the morning and I know there's a range of appropriate hours of sleep for kids his age. He's been going to bed around 8:30 but seems like he needs to go to bed closer to 7:30. He is notorious for staying up past the "go to bed" announcement for some reason or another. We leave the house a little after 7am on weekdays and about the same time on Sundays for church lately. Dd goes to bed around the same time, but I have to go to bed with her usually.

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 6, 2016 by cathey

[MEmama]

At 13 DS turns his light out between 8:30-9. In elementary, it was much earlier-- by 7 until he was maybe 8, by 8 pm until this last year or so. We've never forced a bedtime, it's his natural routine. He has always needed a lot of sleep--11 hours or so is his sweet spot.

 

I'm very concerned about the early start time of high school next year.

[Zinnia]

My K, 2nd, and 4th go to bed at 7:30 *most* days.  The 4th grader gets up at 6am, the K and 2nd get up around 7.  

 

That said, we have soccer twice a week that pushes that to 9pm, so it's not set in stone, but it's a good help for us to stay on track.

 

My dh and I aim for 9:30, and we get up at 4:30 (dh) and 5:30 (me).  I've always needed a fair amount of sleep to be my best.

[SparklyUnicorn]

When my kids were younger I actually didn't want them in bed too early because then they'd be up at ridiculous times like 4 am! 

 

That said, I never really had bed times for them.  We didn't have to be up and out the door in the morning though.

 

 

 

[HomeAgain]

My 6yo goes to bed at 8pm, 8:30 during the summer. The late sun makes it harder to fall asleep. A year ago his bedtime was 7:30, so he's pretty proud of that extra half hour. My teen is responsible for regulating himself.

 

They've linked higher adult obesity rates to children who don't have early bedtimes.  The later a 5yo goes to sleep, the more likely they will be obese in adulthood.   Interesting idea of how much sleep really impacts our life.

[Carrie12345]

We aim for 9pm.  It isn't a hard, fast rule, but our target.  If they're really tired, it isn't unusual for them to ask to be tucked in before 9.

Both boys wake up between 6 and 7am, regardless of what time they go to bed.

[Zinnia]

My 6yo goes to bed at 8pm, 8:30 during the summer. The late sun makes it harder to fall asleep. 

 

  Before I had kids, I worked nights.  My kids know that every argument about "it's too light outside to go to bed!" will be promptly shot down.   I am training them to be flexible sleepers; no one ever knows what the future holds!  ;)

[HomeAgain]

  Before I had kids, I worked nights.  My kids know that every argument about "it's too light outside to go to bed!" will be promptly shot down.   I am training them to be flexible sleepers; no one ever knows what the future holds!   ;)

 

Dh works night shift, so I get it, I do.  It really is hard as a kid, though.  Especially since most of the summer activities don't even start until 7. It's just easier to push bedtime back half an hour, take advantage of the less-hot times of day, and enjoy the 2.5 months we call summer here.

[SKL]

We don't do well with different bedtimes each day based on activities.  It works better for us to have the same late-ish bedtime every night than to try to switch it up.

 

And when my kids have more sleep one day, they take that much longer to fall asleep the next day.

 

I aim for a relatively consistent time that works 7 days a week.  For us 9:30 is the earliest time that works.  Honestly we could all use more sleep, but then, we could all use more exercise, more reading time, more leisure time ....

[Bluegoat]

In summer, it's much later, but in the school year it's between 8 and 9, which often works out to about 8:30.  THat has them waking at a reasonable time to start school and gives me an hour in the evening to wind down.  If they were in ps it might have to be earlier, at least for dd8, who seems to need more sleep, she will wake a good hour after the others most mornings.

 

 

[ikslo]

That's my kid out playing late.

 

 

[Bluegoat]

About kids who need less sleep - it's true that some do, but there has been a lot of research done in the last few years about sleep in kids, and quite a lot seem to not be getting enough.  It rather makes me wonder if the parents aren't really aware of whether their kids are getting enough sleep or not - maybe they are so used to them being tired it seems normal? 

 

 

I know I regularly hear people say their kids are getting enough sleep because they always wake up at the same time, but I think many kids do that no matter what.

 

I think a lot is related to activities that go very late, but given how important we are finding sleep really is to health and function, I wonder if we shouldn't be looking hard at places that schedule kids activities so late.

[Bambam]

My kids went to bed at 7:30. That allowed me and my dh to talk about issues undisturbed and me time to just relax without questions, requests, and a ton of words.

We have always gotten up early though. Wake up at 7, start school or day at 8.

I found early that strict routine was a very good idea here.

[magnificent_baby]

My 9 & 11 year old are asleep by 9 or 9:30 pm. My goal was earlier but that hasn't happened yet. They are up around 6:30 am. That seems to be sufficient enough for them. 

[vonfirmath]

When we lived overseas dd went to a school that started at 7:30, and she went to bed 8:30pm. Now for an 8:30 school start ds goes to bed at 9pm. We don't have real 'bedtime routine' anymore - ds (who is 9) watches his daily half hour of TV at 8pm, then has to be quietly in bed with a book or audiobook from 8:30 to 9:00pm. During the summer holidays he usually has a 10pm bedtime.

 

I know at least two of his friends whose school term bedtimes are between 7:30pm and 8pm. I've never met anyone who does a 9pm bedtime for kids ds's age. It works for us though, so ds has more time with his Dad in the evenings.

 

Currently, my 5 year old has a 8 p bedtime (though I'm trying to push that back to 7:30 since she's lost her nap. Since school start she has several times voluntarily goes to bed before 8 because she's tired.)

 

My 9 year old has a 8:30p bedtime.  Last year it was 8p. We tried to push it up to 8:30p but his behavior the next day suffered so we ended up leaving it at 8. This year he's doing okay so far at 8:30p.

 

Our bus comes at 6:55a in the morning. (basically 7)

[blue daisy]

My 6 year old goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. I usually have the boys ready for bed and in their room by 8 or shortly after and they read for about a half hour before lights go out.

[KungFuPanda]

I've built this theory that bedtimes are cultural from living in a multicultural community. My observation is that 'respectable' black and white families put their kids to bed at a decent hour. The families you see out at the bookstore of coffee shop at 10 p.m. are mainly Indian, Hispanic, or us. I suspect the second group is more comfortable with an afternoon nap that has people not sleepy again until 11 p.m. I'm a firm believer that bedtimes are irrelevant, but the total number of consistent sleep hours is important. My family has always operated on Pacific time even though we live on the east coast.

[Bluegoat]

I've built this theory that bedtimes are cultural from living in a multicultural community. My observation is that 'respectable' black and white families put their kids to bed at a decent hour. The families you see out at the bookstore of coffee shop at 10 p.m. are mainly Indian, Hispanic, or us. I suspect the second group is more comfortable with an afternoon nap that has people not sleepy again until 11 p.m. I'm a firm believer that bedtimes are irrelevant, but the total number of consistent sleep hours is important. My family has always operated on Pacific time even though we live on the east coast.

 

Cultures where napping in the afternoon is normal do have different bedtime expectations, for adults too.  And since they often nap because the afternoon is too hot for much else, it makes sense that people do stuff in the evening, when it's cooler.

 

I think it can be tricky to transfer that to more temperate climates though because it often isn't possible to have the nap - people are expected to work or be in school.

[lailasmum]

My two are asleep by 10pm usually but heading to bed at 9pm. The youngest (8) is always naturally awake by 7am and often much earlier. My eldest (12) will sleep 12 hours and ideally she'd go to bed earlier but she's just not sleepy at 8pm.

[Garga]

Elementary:  8:00.  Very strict.

 

Middle:  830-9:00.  Not as strict, but rarely past 9:15. 

 

High:  10:00. Not strict, of course. It's more of a guideline than a rule at this age. 

 

Me:  10:30, but I often don't get to bed in time and suffer the consequences the next day.  I wish I had a mom telling me, "Go to bed!" some nights when I can't seem to get myself to bed on time.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Garga

[Garga]

I've built this theory that bedtimes are cultural from living in a multicultural community. My observation is that 'respectable' black and white families put their kids to bed at a decent hour. The families you see out at the bookstore of coffee shop at 10 p.m. are mainly Indian, Hispanic, or us. I suspect the second group is more comfortable with an afternoon nap that has people not sleepy again until 11 p.m. I'm a firm believer that bedtimes are irrelevant, but the total number of consistent sleep hours is important. My family has always operated on Pacific time even though we live on the east coast.

 

 

 

Yup.  I agree with this.  I see nothing wrong with kids staying up late, as long as they're getting the sleep somewhere/somewhen else.

 

Though I have read studies that people get their deepest sleep between 10 and something.  I can't remember what.  Like between 10 and 4 or something?  So if you go to bed after 10, you're not getting as good of sleep.  Something to do with circadian rhythms and sunlight.

 

I have friends who keep their kids up late and get them up early and then wonder at all the sicknesses they all have.  If the kids were getting naps in the day, it wouldn't be an issue, but they don't.  Most elementary/middle school age kids need more than 6 or 7 hours of sleep and most of them need a set time to sleep so their body clocks are regulated.  This family doesn't do that.  You never know when they'll go to bed or get up or how much sleep they'll get.  Again: they have health issues and attitude issues that I'm 90% sure can be traced back to the fact that they're sleepy all the time because their sleep patterns are entirely erratic and the kids are not getting the amounts they need.  But the mom often gets only 4 hours of sleep a night and just can't believe me when I say that adults usually need 8-9 and kids often need 9-11 hours.  I've stopped talking about it to her.  :)  (She's also very sick all the time and gets depressed easily from lack of sleep.)

 

But if you're getting a sum total of sleep each day or if you're on a different cycle (like sleeping from 10-7 vs sleeping from midnight -9, but still getting the same number of hours), it's all good.  (Mostly--except for the sunlight issue I mentioned above.) 

[Rachel]

When my kids were younger I actually didn't want them in bed too early because then they'd be up at ridiculous times like 4 am!

 

That said, I never really had bed times for them. We didn't have to be up and out the door in the morning though.

I have a couple friends with kids like that. I would much rather have them up later at night than earlier in the morning.

[Rachel]

About kids who need less sleep - it's true that some do, but there has been a lot of research done in the last few years about sleep in kids, and quite a lot seem to not be getting enough. It rather makes me wonder if the parents aren't really aware of whether their kids are getting enough sleep or not - maybe they are so used to them being tired it seems normal?

 

 

I know I regularly hear people say their kids are getting enough sleep because they always wake up at the same time, but I think many kids do that no matter what.

 

I think a lot is related to activities that go very late, but given how important we are finding sleep really is to health and function, I wonder if we shouldn't be looking hard at places that schedule kids activities so late.

I have three kids. One gets 11-12 hours of sleep no matter when he goes to bed. One wakes up at exactly the same time every morning no matter when she goes to bed. She is also very chipper, much like her dad in the mornings. However she crashes later in the day if she hasn't gotten enough sleep. One kid wakes up anytime between 6:45 and 8:00. He is grouchy when he hadn't slept enough and happy when he has. He seems to wake earlier the later he goes to bed but it isn't consistent.

 

We do intentionally avoid evening activities but it's more so the kids can spend time with dad than concerns about sleep.

[Rachel]

My husband has very, very early mornings. Alarm goes off by 4:30 and he works at least a nine hour day.

 

So my answer is influenced by the fact that we have to get him enough sleep. The kids begin baths by 6-ish (we send the big kids during our evening movie and bathe the little ones after dinner) and are usually in bed between 8-9:00. They sleep until about 8 am and the little ones have two hour naps additionally.

 

Now, ideally they'd be in bed no later than 8 pm, but it hasn't been happening lately. We wouldn't mind so much except for my husband's schedule and that we need alone time each evening to not go crazy.

 

- ETA we homeschool, so it doesn't really matter when we get rolling in the morning except as a matter of what works for us to get things done. That gives us quite a bit more flexibility for rest than someone on a set schedule, but even still if we wake too late everything else goes late as well :)

. How does the daylight affect your kids and sleep? If I remember correctly you are in Alaska where there is near constant daylight in late June and only 3-4 hours of day light in late December.

[Rachel]

For the record I have no idea if the neighbor kids nap after school or if they are sleep deprived. I just noticed them outside after my similarly aged kids were in bed. They aren't disturbing anyone. For all I know they went inside 5 minutes later and went right to sleep.

[Guest]

. How does the daylight affect your kids and sleep? If I remember correctly you are in Alaska where there is near constant daylight in late June and only 3-4 hours of day light in late December.

We use blackout curtains and blinds together, which helps. The biggest issue in summer is that the kids wake earlier because of the light, so I often have to remind them to stay in bed until the clock reaches the 8 or to go downstairs quietly and read. Winter is the opposite problem - nobody wants to wake up.

 

It's not a huge issue but at the height of summer we have to remember to check the clocks in the evening and not just keep playing, because then we do get into bed late and my husband suffers most. If he didn't wake so early I'd be less strict about it.

[Soror]

Like Artic Mama my husband is an early riser, although his schedule varies from 3:30am- 5 or so, generally he is up around 4-4:30. Bedtime is usualy 8:30-9. My oldest 2(12 &9) are generally up around 7. The other 2(nearly 4 & 7) around 8-9. 

 

I do better going to bed earlier so it works well for me, my husband however prefers to stay up later however with his early schedule he really can't. One of the many reasons we've cut back is to make sure we are getting to bed on time. 

[Katy]

We start bedtime routines at 6:30 and have them in bed by 8.  I don't know why, that was just the time my parents did it, so it stuck. Starting around age 10 they can set their own bed times, with the caveat that they must get up on time or it gets set back to 8pm for a month if I have to wake them up or stop an annoying alarm clock.

[rebcoola]

Our kids get ready for bed at 8 and lights out is 9.  The older is usually out right away and up by 7 something, the younger doesn't fall asleep easily and often doesn't wake until 9.  

 

In our neighborhood their must be some seriously sleep deprived kids because mine are the only ones even in the house by 8 and they all have to get up for school the bus comes at 7:15

[AmandaVT]

DS heads up for a shower, PJ's, etc around 8pm. I come up and we read for 20-30 minutes together after that and then he can read to himself for a bit. Usually he's asleep between 9-930. But he sleeps in until 730-8am and sometimes later. If I had to get him up and ready for the 745am school bus, he'd be going to bed a good bit earlier!

[SKL]

About kids who need less sleep - it's true that some do, but there has been a lot of research done in the last few years about sleep in kids, and quite a lot seem to not be getting enough.  It rather makes me wonder if the parents aren't really aware of whether their kids are getting enough sleep or not - maybe they are so used to them being tired it seems normal? 

 

 

I know I regularly hear people say their kids are getting enough sleep because they always wake up at the same time, but I think many kids do that no matter what.

 

I think a lot is related to activities that go very late, but given how important we are finding sleep really is to health and function, I wonder if we shouldn't be looking hard at places that schedule kids activities so late.

 

If sleep is so important, then they should stop telling people to put their babies to bed in positions and environments that prevent proper sleep.

 

I mean, I agree sleep is important, especially the younger the kid is.  A lot of (probably irreversible) damage is done in the name of "safety" before kids ever get to the point of needing to wake up at a set time in the morning / drop their nap.  So IMO the focus is on the wrong things.

 

But sure, probably there are some sleep deprived kids in school, for various reasons.

 

[Bluegoat]

If sleep is so important, then they should stop telling people to put their babies to bed in positions and environments that prevent proper sleep.

 

I mean, I agree sleep is important, especially the younger the kid is.  A lot of (probably irreversible) damage is done in the name of "safety" before kids ever get to the point of needing to wake up at a set time in the morning / drop their nap.  So IMO the focus is on the wrong things.

 

But sure, probably there are some sleep deprived kids in school, for various reasons.

 

 

There has been a lot of research on this recently, and the conclusion seems to be that it is not some - it is many or even most.  And that has real and very significant consequences in terms of health, academic progress, and even things like obesity.  And increasingly it is becoming tied up with parents medicating children to sleep as well, often without medical supervision.

 

I do find it interesting that with infant sleep in particular, people often over-look that the reason some of the recommendations seem to work is that the babies don't sleep as well.  I fairly regularly hear a mom of a young baby saying how hard it is to get her baby to sleep and think that if I was forced to sleep on my back in a cool room with no blankets I wouldn't sleep well either.