WWYD? Curious......

[BlsdMama]

Please don't quote.

 

 

So, this "minor" emergency at our house (bad pressure tank - major leak, minor flood, had to be replaced) has me thinking along with PinkMint's post.

 

We can cover the $1,000 emergency in a pinch.  However, what we cannot cover is the furnace going out.  It's 22 years old.  We've been meaning to replace it but it came behind things like finishing off the basement and putting in egress windows (safety issue) so that we had more than three bedrooms after we bought the house two years ago.

 

So those things are done but the furnace still isn't.  Most likely we will be pinching pennies come December 25th (I expect a proposal this year) for a June wedding for DD.  But, that furnace makes my head hurt....

 

After this weekend of an emergency issue, I am left wondering.  We pay for our bills, our medical, our food, our minor emergencies, and do okay...  I mean, I'm shopping garage sales and 50% off Goodwill tags, but we can pitch hit in a minor emergency.  But this weekend left me feeling a little panicked.

 

Take credit out of the picture.  Our history is good but we still have auto loans, student loans, a mortgage - I don't believe we'd qualify for a $10k loan for a furnace tomorrow.  So what does one do in a major emergency like that?  I cannot believe the average person has $10k sitting in their bank account according to most of the statistics.  So what does that person do when the furnace dies?

 

I suggested to DH yesterday that I start working part-time in town. I can work 15-20 hours a week and while it isn't *convenient* most of it could be done either late nights, early mornings, or weekends, so that he is home for childcare.  The youngest baby is 2.  He is actively seeking another position within his company right now and I suspect this will come through in the next 6 months or so.  However, I admit I am worried about the immediate.  He is not a fan.  He doesn't like the lack of family time.  I hate the lack of cushion.  If we were renting that would be one thing, but we aren't.  We own.  And, I admit, I'm a bit of worrier so I feel like I'm just WAITING for the well to go bad or the furnace to die a horrid death.  I keep thinking it's ONLY for like 7 months.  7 months and between that income and a tax return we could have the "furnace fund" sitting in the bank as my happy little cushion.  

 

I see what he's saying.... And I adore him for not wanting me to work.  But, on the other hand, I feel like it's silly that we should have more of a cushion and we don't because I am home. all, day. long.

 

 

[BlsdMama]

BTW, these little financial panic attacks have only begun since we bought this house.  I was perfectly happy with our snug budget before this simply because when something broke it was a landlord responsibility, kwim?

[Carol in Cal.]

We have a home equity line that we can tap into for things like that.  We have had it for a long time, and we hardly ever use it, but it does give us some margin at favorable rates, and it can be accessed instantly.  The bad thing, of course, is that it's on our home, so we have to be really careful with it, but we are.

[Guest]

To answer your question, lots of furnace places will take payments. The number of people with $10k sitting around is small.

 

Your other point--I'm right there with you. I'm looking for a part-time job. DH is ok with it but not thrilled. I honestly think it hurts his pride a bit to not be Ward Cleaver, bringing home the bacon to his grateful SAHW. But, whatever, it's math not magic.

[Jean in Newcastle]

That is why we have a HELOC .  It is a very low interest rate. 

[zoobie]

Check with your energy company too--some of them offer very low rate loans for equipment replacement, plus credits for getting a more efficient system. Sometimes there are state credits as well. 

 

We would use HELOC or a credit card in an emergency and buckle down to pay it off ASAP. It's usually cheaper than pulling it out of long term savings. I would like a bigger immediately accessible cushion as well. It seems like once there is, something else happens. Being a homeowner sucks much of the time. It feels like a never-ending money/time/energy suck.

[Bluegoat]

I think that situation, or ones like it in greater or lesser degree, is pretty common.  It's also the thing I hate most about homeowning.  Sometimes I have scenarios go through my head - what if we found our house had been undermined my carpenter ants and had to be repaired.  Insurance would probably not cover it.  What could we do?  What if I have to go on bedrest and can't work - I do childcare and have no access to things like EI or workman's comp.  What if.....

 

This is why, I think, the whole $1000 in a pinch thing is really only meant to be a stop-gap amount while paying off debt, people really do need more savings or access to credit.  But increasingly we as a society have close to maxed out credit.

 

I guess the thing is, on an individual basis, to really sit down and figure out what you would need to be safe and comfortable, and make a plan to get there.  What is tricky is it could really mean some pain.  For us, it would probably be things like music lessons.  Or it could be things like the OP with weddings, or more bedrooms.  I personally find it hard to think about letting that stuff go, it seems like something that is non-negotiable to me.  I have to really work to remember that most of the time they are really luxuries that most of the world does without, and even the middle class did here until pretty recently.

 

 

 

 

[skimomma]

Furnaces cost $10K?

[bolt.]

Like places that sell cars and boats, furnace people assume that their customers will need financing. I'd be surprised if even 2% of their full-deal customers actually just pay for what they are buying.

[JustEm]

Does a furnace even cost $10,000? I can't imagine it being that much. Anyway if there was an expense that high that we couldn't pay, currently we can, then I'd likely ask to borrow it from my parents and pay them back quickly. I would do this over taking out a loan because they wouldn't want me wasting money on interest if they can help without it hurting them financially

[Guest]

That is why we have a HELOC . It is a very low interest rate.

Yes, for a small repair a HELOC is a great choice, since it's not using significant equity. But do check if the furnace place has payment plans, many do!

[MooCow]

When we had to replace our a/c , the company doing it had an agreement with a major bank. We got a "home projects" cc. The limit was the exact amount we needed.

 

Eta:

Edited August 15, 2016 by MooCow

[MomatHWTK]

Homeownership comes with costs. I would find out now what a furnace will cost so that you have a realistic picture of where you need to be. Then, start pinching pennies to get there. 

 

I do agree though, not being able to pay bills because no job is available if different than not being able to pay bills because one chooses not to work (for whatever reason). It has always been way more convenient for me not to work so that DH had flexibility in his job. But when his pay went down, I hustled and found something.

 

I am INCREDIBLY blessed to be able to work from home and choose my own hours and rates. But, we have always considered living on one income a luxury. DH taking a 2nd job or me having a part-time one has always been on the table as an emergency measure. 

 

I make "pin money" freelancing, but the ramp up to get started is difficult and takes some real determination. If there are retail locations in your area, they will soon start hiring for overnight stock people and extra holiday staff. Restaurants will be desperate for adults who can work during school hours- our local fast food places start the evening shift at $9.50 an hour. Many companies find it difficult to hire entry-level people who can or will pass the drug screen.  These aren't high-paying jobs- but money is money. KWIM?

[MomatHWTK]

As long as debts are in place, you are owned by them. Getting rid of these indentures should be at the top of any priority list. 

We spent years hammering away at debt so we could get loans for cars when needed. (My income is going toward getting rid of the car loans now.)

 

But it was a long haul.   :grouphug:

 

 

Edited August 15, 2016 by MomatHWTK

[goldberry]

I have a friend who pays a fairly reasonable monthly fee for home repair insurance.  She does this specifically because the don't have the cash for unexpected expenses, and honestly are not that great at saving for themselves with a lot of discipline.  They already used it once and were very happy with it.

 

But also agree, I don't think furnaces are that much. 

[skimomma]

$10K sounds really high so I second the recommendation to get some estimates so at least you know what you are up against.  We did that with our aging roof about 5 years ago so we knew how much we needed to put away.  In our case a full roof rip-off (there is already three layers) and reinstall is going to run $20K+ so we knew we needed to plan ahead.  We probably won't have that complete amount saved in time (since it is currently leaking) but at least we won't be blindsided.  

 

Our furnace is 30+ years old and I live in an area where a furnace is absolutely essential.  We have it checked over annually and our guy says he sees no reason for it to need replacement anytime soon so it is not on our list of "big worries" at the moment.  Is there something about your furnace that has you concerned?  I know that a new furnace will be more efficient and a lot of people replace on that alone but until I no longer have water leaking through the roof and far more pressing issues to address, I'm leaving the furnace alone.

[JFSinIL]

Get some estimates and quotes now for a new furnace so you have a good idea how much it will run.  I got a new furnace for dd's townhome (three bed, two bath, large living/dining area) for about $4,000.   $10,000 sounds waaaaay too much. You do not need top of the line fancy bells and whistles furnace that will tuck you in at night.  ;-)   Get some estimates (check Angie's List for reliable local folks) and then you will know what to budget for.  Most furnaces do not last 22 years, if naught else you need to have it checked out for potential leaks, etc.  And better to get it replaced now than in the dead of winter when pipes might burst, etc. 

[foxbridgeacademy]

Well first off I would never pay 10K for something that only costs around $1500.  Secondly DH would install it himself, he's handy like that.  If he couldn't do it for some reason I would call my mom who can do everything.... or I'd YouTube it and do a DIY (this being last resort).  When you can't afford something you find ways to make do, even if it means going outside your comfort zone.

 

Also I don't know what you are budgeting for a wedding but I'd let DD know up front that in case of emergency all bets are off and she will either need to postpone or go small.  Both my younger kids already know that DH and I will not pay for any kind of lavish thing but they both think spending $$ on that kind of stuff is..... not practical.  

 

Then again my family thinks I'm frivolous because I bought a new car at 39 (first one ever), live in a 2400 sq ft house (there are at least 6 of us at all times), purchased my furniture new, and I buy paper towels for cleaning stuff, so to each their own. 

[cjzimmer1]

I was dreading the furnace and central air unit replacement because all I every heard was how very expensive it was.  But our a/c is dying if I turn the oven on, our house is over 80 even if its only 70 outside.  It just can't keep up.  The guy is coming Thursday to replace.  A/c, furnace and labor will be about $4500.  And both units are bigger than we currently have, partly because we finished the basement since the originals were put in and partly because we have 8 people living here with 7 of them home nearly full time (that's a lot of extra body heat to compensate for in the summer). So yes it's a bunch a money but nearly as bad as I was expecting.

[Janeway]

What about a home warranty? It takes a month to kick in, but at least you know even if the furnace doesn't break for a month, you are covered.

[JennSnow]

Oi, my furnaces (yes, we own a double so we have two, lol) and the stress they cause me!  They are both 25 years old and every fall I start panicking..listening for loud bangs and other weird noises..watching videos to see how the flames should look and then checking at least once a day to see how the flames are burning..stressing about how we're going to pay for it when they finally go.  I spend a lot of time in the basement just staring at my old, crappy furnaces.  We had to refinance a few years back to get our roof repaired and the truth is that since then we've scrimped and saved up just enough to probably cover the furnaces but it's the first time in 18 years that we've been able to put anything away in savings and the thought of having to spend it all on two new furnaces breaks my heart.

Edited August 16, 2016 by JennSnow

[EmseB]

What about a home warranty? It takes a month to kick in, but at least you know even if the furnace doesn't break for a month, you are covered.

IME a home warranty is paying a company to spend the least amount possible on repairs or appliances for one of your most valuable investments. After being a renter and dealing with warranty companies on behalf of several landlords, I will never buy one if I own my own home. They send the worst technicians and absolutely the lowest quality replacement stuff they can get away with. Sometimes I was not even sure that what they were installing had not been used before. And, the homeowner is at their mercy if they want stuff covered.

[Spryte]

IME a home warranty is paying a company to spend the least amount possible on repairs or appliances for one of your most valuable investments. After being a renter and dealing with warranty companies on behalf of several landlords, I will never buy one if I own my own home. They send the worst technicians and absolutely the lowest quality replacement stuff they can get away with. Sometimes I was not even sure that what they were installing had not been used before. And, the homeowner is at their mercy if they want stuff covered.

This might depend on the home warranty company. We have one purchased by our RE agent, and have used it for repairs. It's not perfect, but it has absolutely paid for itself, and then some. We've gotten enough value out of it that we are renewing.

 

Specifically, we are renewing because we know our AC units (there are two) and furnace will need to be replaced soon. We are saving for that, but in the meantime, I like knowing that if DH is out of town and the AC goes out, I can call the home warranty people, and for $100 they will get it running again. So we are using it while we save to replace things, and it gives me peace of mind.

[LucyStoner]

I would have someone out to give you the down low on your furnace. It seems that your anxiety about it could amount to borrowing trouble. Maybe it's in great condition. I've definitely seen furnaces last more than 22 years. I would do whatever maintenance I could and start setting aside money towards a replacement and other larger repairs. If it dies before you have cash for it, you will likely be able to finance it either with a HELOC or with the furnace company. Unless you have really bad credit, most furnace companies will finance you in house but you'll get better deals the more you can pay upfront.

 

Unless I was secure in my retirement and emergency savings and had a high income, I would not offer much towards a child's wedding. Plenty of great marriages start at city hall or at the couple's house of worship with a family lunch and cake afterwards. I'd probably tell a newly engaged adult child that we had $x to pay towards the wedding and that they should plan with that in mind- either doing a very low cost wedding or giving themselves enough time to save for what they want. My husband and I had a very nice brunch reception at a garden clubhouse when we were 22ish for well under $1000, all of which we paid for ourselves. We did all of the cooking ourselves with the help of some friends (we did homemade muffins, granola, baked eggs, roasted potatoes and veggies plus homemade cheesecake cups instead of cake with coffee, tea and punch for beverages). It looked and felt a lot more costly than it was. We were able to have 60ish guests on a low budget. I prepare taxes for a professional artist and photographer who did the photography in trade with me. If I had a lot of money to give to the newlyweds, I'd rather it go for a head start on their house downpayment or something that will help them over the long haul than to a once off party.

Edited August 16, 2016 by LucyStoner

[regentrude]

Since you ask WWYD: I would get a job and work to earn additional income before considering a loan.

And I would consider a furnace a necessary expense, as opposed to a wedding. A couple can get married and celebrate without incurring a large expense. 

Edited August 16, 2016 by regentrude

[LucyStoner]

Since you ask WWYD: I would get a job and work to earn additional income before considering a loan.

And I would consider a furnace a necessary expense, as opposed to a wedding. A couple can get married and celebrate without incurring a large expense.

With 2 kids, the youngest one pushing 8, and well paid work I can do at home, I would get a job/take in more work.

 

With 11 kids, including homeschooling all but three of them? I think working an opposite shift 1/2 time job out of the house might well kill me. I can see why her husband might be worried that the opportunity cost of another job might be too high for them at this stage of life.

 

Even with WWYD threads, I try to keep the OP's situation in mind. I assume that all of the things I need to do with/for my two boys would take a lot more time and energy if I had 5x as many children.

Edited August 16, 2016 by LucyStoner

[catz]

I say this as someone who paid for most of their own wedding with DH even though I love my parents, my ILs, and they were all heavily involved - weddings are not a birthright.  It doesn't sound like you are in a position to help with that financially to me.  People can and do get married on the cheap.  Could they do it in your yard?  In your church?  Can it be a potluck? With some creatively and some volunteer hands you can have lovely simple small affair without spending much.  I would gently tell your daughter if the engagement happens what position you are in there.  She's an adult.  She should understand and they can save.  Or they can chose to elope or head to a court house.

 

I'd focus on saving for the furnace or just having a rainy day fund.  I think that is mandatory for ownership.  22 years actually doesn't seem that old for a furnace.  Is it forced air?  We replaced a boiler after we moved into our home and it was original to our 1915 house.  No joke.  We moved here in 2003.  If you were to get a job, is there anything you could do at home?  Could you do childcare for a single child?  Or maybe after school care for some school age kids when your kids are ready to play?  Could you lead a homeschool class in something?  Do you have any other skills that might lend itself well to earning money at home?

Edited August 16, 2016 by WoolySocks

[regentrude]

With 2 kids, the youngest one pushing 8, and well paid work I can do at home, I would get a job/take in more work.

 

With 11 kids, including homeschooling all but three of them? I think working an opposite shift 1/2 time job out of the house might well kill me. I can see why her husband might be worried that the opportunity cost of another job might be too high for them at this stage of life.

 

Even with WWYD threads, I try to keep the OP's situation in mind. I assume that all of the things I need to do with/for my two boys would take a lot more time and energy if I had 5x as many children.

 

Of course - but the OP herself threw working out there as an option, her DH would be available to care for the children during that time, and it would be a temporary situation if I understood her correctly. 

[EmseB]

This might depend on the home warranty company. We have one purchased by our RE agent, and have used it for repairs. It's not perfect, but it has absolutely paid for itself, and then some. We've gotten enough value out of it that we are renewing.

 

Specifically, we are renewing because we know our AC units (there are two) and furnace will need to be replaced soon. We are saving for that, but in the meantime, I like knowing that if DH is out of town and the AC goes out, I can call the home warranty people, and for $100 they will get it running again. So we are using it while we save to replace things, and it gives me peace of mind.

I'm glad it has worked well for you (genuinely, no snark).

 

Our a/c busted this week (the pump actually broke and the water leaked all over the basement), and it needed to be repaired. I put in an expedited repair request with the warranty people. Two hours later no one had called me back, so I called and they supposedly sent the request through again. I had to call again, and when the a/c company finally called back there was no record of our expedited request, so we got put off another day for our appointment. The company the warranty people sent had a dozen one-star yelp reviews. The tech was nice and polite but on his first visit created a worse leak than I had before (which didn't show up until he was already gone) and didn't carry the parts with him to replace the pump. He didn't come back that day (Friday), so I had to figure out how to fix the new leak he created. Today, we called them back and they didn't have any note that they were supposed to come back with the pump to finish the repair, but they managed to get a tech out to us. His repair is still leaky since he didn't use the proper sealant on the pvc pipe to the new pump. This is exactly the scenario described in every review on yelp, yet I'm at the mercy of who the warranty company sends.

 

Anyway, in a previous home, different warranty company, we had a similar experience with a different appliance. The warranty people, IME, will fight replacing things as long as possible, secondary damage or inconvenience be damned (not being able to sleep in a 90* house, for example), and the homeowner really had no recourse if they want to get the repair and eventual replacement covered. I would not call a company with such horrible reviews into my house, but with a warranty, I have no choice as to who comes ovee to "fix" things, and I have to pay the $100 service fee regardless. As a homeowner I would want value, but also quality and a job well done with a good appliance if I needed a replacement.

 

Anyway just my experience, having them forced on me, I'd say I'd rather just save my money monthly, but I know if you get a ton of stuff replaced they can be a good value, especially if they are offered by the seller or realtor at closing!

[Catalytic]

This might depend on the home warranty company. We have one purchased by our RE agent, and have used it for repairs. It's not perfect, but it has absolutely paid for itself, and then some. We've gotten enough value out of it that we are renewing.

 

Specifically, we are renewing because we know our AC units (there are two) and furnace will need to be replaced soon. We are saving for that, but in the meantime, I like knowing that if DH is out of town and the AC goes out, I can call the home warranty people, and for $100 they will get it running again. So we are using it while we save to replace things, and it gives me peace of mind.

 

We have had ours for the same reason, and it's paid out more than I've paid in during the 6 years we've had it.  They've peeved me off a few times, but at the end of the day, they've saved me money.  We have AHS.

 

*ETA Saw JodiSue sees it from the tenant side.  Only once (one of the times they peeved me off, because we try to take excellent care of our tenants) have my tenants had issues because of AHS.  When our wall oven went out, it was the "computer" panel, and was going to take over a month to be repaired.  3 weeks after the work call, I get a call from AHS asking when i planned to make up my mind.  Errr...make up my mind about what??? They said they had called (I had no record of them in my cell's history) and that I had to choose between waiting for the repair or them paying $XXX toward a replacement oven.  I was LIVID, because at the same time, our oven, in the house we were renting, had been out for over a month and the landlords (no warranty) were dragging their feet about replacing it.  I called my property manager, ripped into her...she had no clue either.  I bought a new oven over the phone and it was installed the next morning, apologized profusely to the tenant, and asked him to PLEASE call me direct if repairs were not taken care of in a timely manner.  With the exception of the oven, and when we had major damage from a roof leak, our repairs have all been done within a day or two of being called in.  Most have been handled by AHS and I just pay the deductible.*

Edited August 16, 2016 by Catalytic

[Spryte]

Jodi Sue, sorry about your AC. That sounds pretty rotten.

 

My experience is more like Catalytic's. It's not perfect, they ticked me off once in a huge way - but to their credit, once they knew what the company that came out had done, they filed a complaint against that company and were very accommodating with helping us choose another HVAC company. And we learned (the hard way) that we do have a choice re: which company they send out. That said though, they don't want to replace, they are most interested in repairing and obviously not replacing. But I'm ok with that, as our goal is to keep our AC/furnace limping along until we replace it.

 

We've definitely gotten our money's worth out of it.

 

It's not my first choice, but it's helped.

[hornblower]

Oi oi oi, I'd be having heart palpitations if I didn't have that cushion. I'd not be planning on paying for a wedding. 

 

I don't know that I would want to work - not with such littles at home... otoh...    yeah, we're the odd people who have large account cushions. 

Hard choice, BlsdMama. 

[mommyoffive]

Oi oi oi, I'd be having heart palpitations if I didn't have that cushion. I'd not be planning on paying for a wedding. 

 

I don't know that I would want to work - not with such littles at home... otoh...    yeah, we're the odd people who have large account cushions. 

 

Hard choice, BlsdMama. 

 

Agreed.  We are the old people who have large cushions too.   I couldn't relax otherwise.  

If it was me and my worry level I would do more to add money in so that I could relax.  

 

I also would not even think about paying anything for a wedding unless I hard a well funded e-fund.

 

Can you do something at home so that you would miss out less on family time? 

 

Can you adjust your with holdings so that you get more money each pay check instead of after you file your taxes? 

 

It sounds like a furnace might be less than you think.  Which is great.  And it sounds that maybe you don't need to replace it now as others have had theirs last a long time.  

[FaithManor]

A lot of people, if they have the necessary equity, get a second mortgage. Less than ideal, but heat is heat...a life necessity.

 

I think that the stress that it causes you to worry about these things when your cushion isn't big enough to allay fears, is good enough reason to for this season in life, forgo so me family time and go back to work.

 

And weddings, even the simplest small ones have a unique way of having unexpected expenses like you think, "Hey, I'm saving a boatload of money buy purchasing that $100 craiglist wedding gown and will have it altered) and then you find out that you aren't capable of the magnitude of alterations it needs and the seamstress with the expertise will charge $300.00 for it and rightly so because it is a pain in the neck to alter wedding gowns!

 

Or the people that said they would provide x,y, z for the potluck reception get the stomach flu and can't come, and you the mother of the bride with less than 24 hours to figure it out have to go make an order at the deli which sets you back a pretty penny, or.... you'd be surprised. I'm a professional event planner, so I know, LOL.

 

So I vote for working for a bit to take the edge off the pressure.

[BlsdMama]

So still weighing this.  I'm a fan of the idea, DH is not... 
We had a long talk about it last night and he is probably more against it than I am for it.  

HOWEVER, at the urging of ya'all, I *did* look into the costs of a new furnace.

You guys were right - it isn't $10k.  It's half that.

 

We have the ductwork, it's gas, and we wouldn't HAVE to replace the A/C at the same time if it went out.

 

That said, I'm going to take more of your advice, call out a reliable tech and have him give it the once over, do any necessary work, and give me an estimate of the spring.

 

I guess, being unhappy, we could totally do a cash out refi or just an equity loan in a major pinch.  DH is a vet and we have a chunk of equity in the house.  That said, it would be really disappointing to us.  We'd hoped to cashflow all updates from here on out....  :(  But, it's not dead yet.  Maybe it will patiently wait for Spring and that tax refund. 

Edited August 19, 2016 by BlsdMama

[Scarlett]

So still weighing this. I'm a fan of the idea, DH is not...

We had a long talk about it last night and he is probably more against it than I am for it.

 

HOWEVER, at the urging of ya'all, I *did* look into the costs of a new furnace.

You guys were right - it isn't $10k. It's half that.

 

We have the ductwork, it's gas, and we wouldn't HAVE to replace the A/C at the same time if it went out.

 

That said, I'm going to take more of your advice, call out a reliable tech and have him give it the once over, do any necessary work, and give me an estimate of the spring.

 

I guess, being unhappy, we could totally do a cash out refi or just an equity loan in a major pinch. DH is a vet and we have a chunk of equity in the house. That said, it would be really disappointing to us. We'd hoped to cashflow all updates from here on out.... :( But, it's not dead yet. Maybe it will patiently wait for Spring and that tax refund.

I didn't read all of the responses......but I lean toward not going to work when you have a 2 year old if you can help it. To build savings 'just in case' would not be enough of a reason for me.

 

And I offer this advice as a woman who is terrified all of the time about money. And about something breaking. I give advice much better than I take it. ;).

 

About furnaces....we have an ancient one that we just spent $1200 repairing. The repair guy told us he felt it would last another 5-10 years with these repairs. Of course I know there is no guarantee....but I am hopeful.. And we were able to cash flow that repair...a new furnace we would not.

[StephanieZ]

With 2 kids, the youngest one pushing 8, and well paid work I can do at home, I would get a job/take in more work.

 

With 11 kids, including homeschooling all but three of them? I think working an opposite shift 1/2 time job out of the house might well kill me. I can see why her husband might be worried that the opportunity cost of another job might be too high for them at this stage of life.

 

Even with WWYD threads, I try to keep the OP's situation in mind. I assume that all of the things I need to do with/for my two boys would take a lot more time and energy if I had 5x as many children.

 

Then again, when my kids were little, going out of the house for some time was a break. I worked 1 day/wk when my youngest was a baby, and it was like vacation going to work to leave them at home with dh. :)

 

So, I'd suggest trying out the PT working thing for 3 months. See how it goes. If it goes well, then you can keep doing it. Even if you hate it, you can just quit and call it a lesson learned. If you make it 3 months, working say 10 hr/wk at $10/hr, that'd be $1000+ (after some taxes) or so to add to your ER fund.  

 

Personally, I LOVE little kids and I wanted tons of kids (dh cut me off at 3), but I'm sure if I'd had young kids for 15+ years, I'd desperately enjoy a few hours of grown up work each week. No shame in that!! 

 

So, I say "Go for it . . . and quit if it doesn't work out."

[mommyoffive]

I am glad that the quote for a new one was half of what you thought.  That is great. 

 

I bet that lightens the load a bit.

 

 

[LMV]

I'm not sure how to respond to this because I do work part time and my husband steps up to the plate and parents while I work. Our youngest is about to turn one. So dads can help raise babies and can do it well. I completely grasp that all marriages are different and what works for one couple/family can be very different than what works for another but the idea that husband's decide whether their wives can work or not feels off to me. [To be fair, I'm getting more of this sense from some responses than the OP.]

 

We've always been a bit blessed with financial security so we've always had significant cushion in one checking account that is essentially our emergency fund. We also have always had the ability to build replacement appliances, upgrades, and remodeling project into each upcoming annual budget after we decide what we want/need to do in the upcoming year. In this context, I think I'm probably more inclined to want to work to maintain that. At the same time, because I currently work in a profession where I could pick up two extra shifts and pay off a 5K repair, I suppose I'm also more immune to the panic over a 5K repair.

[katilac]

I would definitely be the one telling dd that they were on their own monetarily for a wedding. Just looking at the oldest kids - you have four daughters in a row! If they all get married by 22, that's four weddings in 10 years!! Just say no, lol. 

 

fwiw, we only have 2 daughters, and they both know that funding weddings isn't on our agenda.  We may or may not be able to give them some help when the time comes, but we won't be hosting their weddings, they will.

 

I like StephanieZ's thoughts on working part-time. You can always quit, and you can even agree that you will quit after a certain amount of time, but it would be quite nice to have a bit more cash. 

[Bluegoat]

I would also be inclined to the inexpensive wedding if I was short of money - a nice dress or suit, at a church or at home, relativly few guests, self cater or very inexpensive - tea sandwitches, pastry, punch.  Quite a lot of weddings are like that.

[ktgrok]

I've worked part time, just weekend shifts, and it sucked. My husband worked hard all week, and we didn't see each other much, and then I was gone on the weekend, More, it meant that our day was interrupted, we couldn't just go to the science museum or the park or breakfast as  a family on the weekend. It wasn't worth it for the small amount I made. 

[Wheres Toto]

Now that I'm back home, I've been looking for various ways to make money without paying childcare costs.    So far I'm working as a virtual assistant for about 10 hours a week, and I just interviewed yesterday with a  company that runs afterschool enrichment programs. I'll be teaching a few days a week, just an hour at a time and it pays $35 a class.

 

If you really want to build up some savings, I'd look into work-at-home options. 

[BlsdMama]

I'm not sure how to respond to this because I do work part time and my husband steps up to the plate and parents while I work. Our youngest is about to turn one. So dads can help raise babies and can do it well. I completely grasp that all marriages are different and what works for one couple/family can be very different than what works for another but the idea that husband's decide whether their wives can work or not feels off to me. [To be fair, I'm getting more of this sense from some responses than the OP.]

 

 

I suspect we'd have more of a cushion without two kids in college and nine more homeschooling - our household income is very comfortable but our expenses tend to be higher than average. ;)

 

DH isn't "deciding" but his feelings have as much weight as mine and it's most certainly *not* him not wanting to "step to the plate" - just to clarify.  It takes two of us to make a home work with eleven kids here just in sheer workload.  His thoughts are exactly what kt was saying - he works all week long, we have outside commitments on the evenings (extracurriculars, etc.) and so the weekends are best for us.  He just thinks the spare $$ isn't worth the discomfort and if the furnace bails, then we take out that home equity that *I* seriously don't want to.  We have the end in sight (with auto loans, etc.) and I just want to get there faster.  He is the slow and steady and stay the course guy.  I'm the rabbit - a little bit nervous so let's get to the finish line faster, kwim?

 

The wedding isn't extravagant - we will pitch in $4-$5k.  Essentially, if the furnace went out, his December bonus and part of taxes would cover both wedding expenses and furnace.  These two have been working every possible minute all summer, both go to school full time, both work (HARD), they are good kids.  We want to pitch in where we can.  I was explaining the circumstances of WWYD but not asking for input on pitching in on the wedding - that's non-negotiable. ;) ETA: Said in my best non-sassy voice - just sincere.

Edited August 19, 2016 by BlsdMama

[ktgrok]

Like I said, having done the weekend work for low pay thing, I agree with your DH it isn't worth it. If you made a high hourly rate, maybe, but for the little it brings in the disruption to family time wasn't worth it. It added more stress than it relieved. 

 

And I think it's awesome you are helping your daughter with her wedding, for the record. That's a once in a lifetime thing, and if you can, I think it is great you are :)

[mommyoffive]

I am one who posted that my DH "vetoed" me getting a job.

 

DH doesn't get to "decide" for me whether or not I work....it's that we both decide together, I would NEVER do something like that without his agreement.  Also...neither of us really PRESSED the issue either way.  I brought it up, he was against it, so I left it at that.  In other words, neither of us actually feels super strongly about our position....I don't feel a NEED to go to work, but if I pushed it, he would likely be ok with that too.

 

There are actually some very solid reasons for DH to not want me working.  The most pressing, actually, is money.  For where we are right now, he has the ability to make 3X as much as I can, per hour.  Plus, although he is exempt and doesn't get time and a half for OT....he DOES still get straight time, and he works OT whenever he can.  That OT can come up suddenly, as can trips out of town.  Wednesday, he came home in a rental car, saying that he had to drive to Detroit on Thursday and didn't expect to be back home Thursday night until like 8pm.  Some days he might have a meeting run late or get scheduled last minute and can't leave work until 6pm or so.  It would actually be really difficult for me to keep a part time evening, retail style job, if I have to keep calling in late or not showing up, and it certainly wouldn't make sense for DH to turn down an hour of OT when it would take 3 hrs or more for me to take that same amount of money. 

 

Also, we have really been every kind of family.  When we met, I was a single parent, working full time and had just finished college where I went full time and worked part time (like 30 hrs.)  He's worked full time plus OT and gone to school full time.  We have both worked full time.  He's worked part time and I worked full time.  He's worked full time while I worked part time.  And when he was laid off, I worked 2 jobs, overnight, while he drove all over the place interviewing, some weeks he would have 4 or 5 interviews, and some of those were out of town. 

 

So right now Dh likes having me at home.  And I like being at home.  So it's fine.  I would certainly like to bring in a little more income for us to pay off debt.  But not so much that I NEED to be at work when DH is happy to have me not at work. 

 

 

Same here.  Dh can make way more than me now.  If I had kept working we might be about the same.   But right now he makes at least 5 times a much as I bet I could make.

 

Plus he travels and things come up last min, so it wouldn't work.

[mommyoffive]

I suspect we'd have more of a cushion without two kids in college and nine more homeschooling - our household income is very comfortable but our expenses tend to be higher than average. ;)

 

DH isn't "deciding" but his feelings have as much weight as mine and it's most certainly *not* him not wanting to "step to the plate" - just to clarify.  It takes two of us to make a home work with eleven kids here just in sheer workload.  His thoughts are exactly what kt was saying - he works all week long, we have outside commitments on the evenings (extracurriculars, etc.) and so the weekends are best for us.  He just thinks the spare $$ isn't worth the discomfort and if the furnace bails, then we take out that home equity that *I* seriously don't want to.  We have the end in sight (with auto loans, etc.) and I just want to get there faster.  He is the slow and steady and stay the course guy.  I'm the rabbit - a little bit nervous so let's get to the finish line faster, kwim?

 

The wedding isn't extravagant - we will pitch in $4-$5k.  Essentially, if the furnace went out, his December bonus and part of taxes would cover both wedding expenses and furnace.  These two have been working every possible minute all summer, both go to school full time, both work (HARD), they are good kids.  We want to pitch in where we can.  I was explaining the circumstances of WWYD but not asking for input on pitching in on the wedding - that's non-negotiable. ;) ETA: Said in my best non-sassy voice - just sincere.

 

It sounds like things are under control.  If he has a bonus and you get a refund and that will pay for the furnace and the wedding, well than it is all covered.   Plus some left over. 

 

How sweet of you to help pay for their wedding.  Is this your first kid to get married? 

 

I hear you on having a good income, but higher than average expenses!    Gotta love having a big family.

[katilac]

 I was explaining the circumstances of WWYD but not asking for input on pitching in on the wedding - 

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol: at the idea of us waiting to be asked! 

 

Our advice is not only free but often unsolicited. You're welcome. 

[TX Native]

Edited: sorry my post was too long and I had time to go back and delete. My short answer to the novel I posted before is...I would look for a job if and when the furnace needed replaced or another incident that would cause more debt. If I worked, my 1st choice in your situation would be to keep 2-3 kids who could take the school bus to and from your house for before or after school care. That would keep me in the home and the kids would have instant playmates. My 2nd choice would be a Saturday job.

Edited August 20, 2016 by TX native

[LMV]

I suspect we'd have more of a cushion without two kids in college and nine more homeschooling - our household income is very comfortable but our expenses tend to be higher than average. ;)

DH isn't "deciding" but his feelings have as much weight as mine and it's most certainly *not* him not wanting to "step to the plate" - just to clarify.  It takes two of us to make a home work with eleven kids here just in sheer workload.  His thoughts are exactly what kt was saying - he works all week long, we have outside commitments on the evenings (extracurriculars, etc.) and so the weekends are best for us.  He just thinks the spare $$ isn't worth the discomfort and if the furnace bails, then we take out that home equity that *I* seriously don't want to.  We have the end in sight (with auto loans, etc.) and I just want to get there faster.  He is the slow and steady and stay the course guy.  I'm the rabbit - a little bit nervous so let's get to the finish line faster, kwim?

 

The wedding isn't extravagant - we will pitch in $4-$5k.  Essentially, if the furnace went out, his December bonus and part of taxes would cover both wedding expenses and furnace.  These two have been working every possible minute all summer, both go to school full time, both work (HARD), they are good kids.  We want to pitch in where we can.  I was explaining the circumstances of WWYD but not asking for input on pitching in on the wedding - that's non-negotiable. ;) ETA: Said in my best non-sassy voice - just sincere.

  

I am one who posted that my DH "vetoed" me getting a job.

 

DH doesn't get to "decide" for me whether or not I work....it's that we both decide together, I would NEVER do something like that without his agreement.  Also...neither of us really PRESSED the issue either way.  I brought it up, he was against it, so I left it at that.  In other words, neither of us actually feels super strongly about our position....I don't feel a NEED to go to work, but if I pushed it, he would likely be ok with that too.

 

There are actually some very solid reasons for DH to not want me working.  The most pressing, actually, is money.  For where we are right now, he has the ability to make 3X as much as I can, per hour.  Plus, although he is exempt and doesn't get time and a half for OT....he DOES still get straight time, and he works OT whenever he can.  That OT can come up suddenly, as can trips out of town.  Wednesday, he came home in a rental car, saying that he had to drive to Detroit on Thursday and didn't expect to be back home Thursday night until like 8pm.  Some days he might have a meeting run late or get scheduled last minute and can't leave work until 6pm or so.  It would actually be really difficult for me to keep a part time evening, retail style job, if I have to keep calling in late or not showing up, and it certainly wouldn't make sense for DH to turn down an hour of OT when it would take 3 hrs or more for me to take that same amount of money. 

 

Also, we have really been every kind of family.  When we met, I was a single parent, working full time and had just finished college where I went full time and worked part time (like 30 hrs.)  He's worked full time plus OT and gone to school full time.  We have both worked full time.  He's worked part time and I worked full time.  He's worked full time while I worked part time.  And when he was laid off, I worked 2 jobs, overnight, while he drove all over the place interviewing, some weeks he would have 4 or 5 interviews, and some of those were out of town. 

 

So right now Dh likes having me at home.  And I like being at home.  So it's fine.  I would certainly like to bring in a little more income for us to pay off debt.  But not so much that I NEED to be at work when DH is happy to have me not at work.

 

For the record, I'm all for spouses deciding together what works for their family. Neither my husband or I have pursued our careers in a vacuum. We've both made some adaptations (perhaps sacrifices) as our lives, our family, and our children's needs have changed and evolved over time. We still have six children at home so we will likely make some further adaptations in the years to come. So if when you're talking about veto power in the context of a relationship built on mutual respect and the view that both parents can make meaningful contributions in all aspects then maybe we aren't even coming from a different place. For the record, even if we are coming from different places I completely respect that if it works for your family, it works, and it isn't really my place to have an opinion, well, unless someone asks WWYD?

 

Perhaps we are in an atypical situation where I could make very close to, if not, what my husband does currently if I were to work full time. I don't work full time because we don't want to use outside childcare at this juncture and if we were both working full time and also working around each other's schedules we would have next to no time together as a couple or full family.