Baby Naming Question

[plain jane]

We have a large family and all the kids have an easily recognizable theme to their names, for example all are popular Shakespeare characters (not the actual theme, but it's somewhat similarly obvious).  The names all flow really well together and I often get compliments on all their names.  Thing is, I'm running out of names to go with our theme and I really feel it's too late to change things up.  My 11yo's middle name goes perfectly with the rest of the family's first names.  It's not widely known what her middle name is, but it's not a complete secret either.  Would it be completely weird to name a new baby with that name as a first name?  

 

For the sake of simplicity, let's say 11yo's name is: Portia Juliet Elise LastName.  She always goes by Portia and not many people know her middle name is Juliet.  How weird is it, given the age gap, to name a new baby Juliet?  For this situation, let's assume that this has been discussed with the child in question and s/he is completely ok with naming the new sibling with their middle name as they really like their middle name.

[sarasue7272]

Where is the obligatory other?

I thinks it's a little weird, but ok if sibling is truly ok with it. Probably only family will know, right?

[plain jane]

Where is the obligatory other?

I thinks it's a little weird, but ok if sibling is truly ok with it. Probably only family will know, right?

 

I didn't know what to put for "other" other than maybe, which would leave me right back to where I am now.  lol

 

It would probably be mostly family (and we don't have a large family) and maybe really close friends who would know?  But, given the age gap, it's not like the kids would have play dates or be in classes together.  And in 6 years the older child would have graduated and would likely be off at college of some sort.

[Tsuga]

I don't like the term "weird". Lots of things are "weird". If I were a kid I wouldn't want a name that my parents had already given to someone else of my siblings, though. I foresee a "that was originally my name" type possibility.

 

I can see how with three names you ran out, though. Maybe you can help us out and give some hive members the theme by PM, so they can suggest things?

 

If it's Greek gods, then minor gods?

[mamiof5]

I also need an other. Not my thing, I wouldn't do it...but I don't necessarily think it's weird if others do it. To each their own :)

[plain jane]

I don't like the term "weird". Lots of things are "weird". If I were a kid I wouldn't want a name that my parents had already given to someone else of my siblings, though. I foresee a "that was originally my name" type possibility.

 

I can see how with three names you ran out, though. Maybe you can help us out and give some hive members the theme by PM, so they can suggest things?

 

If it's Greek gods, then minor gods?

 

 

I see your point.  I hadn't thought of it that way.

 

The *only* reason it is that child's middle name is because I've always loved the name but back then my husband was adamant that he didn't like the name enough to use it as a first name.  I didn't want the name to go to waste, so to speak and so we agreed to use it as a middle name.  I wanted to hold out and use it for a future child of the same gender but hubby was sure he would never change his mind.  Of course, over a decade later, he has changed his mind about the name and I'm faced with this predicament.  My oldest has suggested we legally change older child's name so that the name in question is no longer "in use" but that's the most bizarre suggestion of all. 

 

Meanwhile, I do keep looking.  In face, I've scoured baby name books for the past decade.  I know every baby name out there and I still don't like any of them as much as this name.  I've managed to name other children of the same gender without feeling too much like I didn't like their names as much but now I'm really hitting the brick wall.  I don't think the Hive could suggest a name that I haven't already considered.   I've been thinking about this for a very long time.

[Arcadia]

Other. I have a few friends who used their middle name instead of their first name for work purpose. Their middle name happen to be their confirmation name.

[Davysmom]

Well, it is not my favorite. But we did it. It is a long story. But sort of the same. It was name we wanted to use. It is second middle name. So 3 names like you mentioned. But we never intended to have more kids. So we used it. And then it was the only name dh, myself and biomom could agree on. It is complicated but she wanted a name almost identical to another child's name. So this was better. We use a nickname of the name. But I didn't want to just give the nickname. So our youngest has a sibling's middle name as his first name. It has been fine. No one cares.

[hopskipjump]

Didn't vote because I didn't like the options. lol

 

I'd not do it. BUT - if you're out of acceptable options AND the older child has said not only that they don't mind BUT that they really like their middle name so much they'd like to 'hear it' .... then, I'd say it's an okay option for your family.

 

Your sig line doesn't say how many children you have - if it were, say, 4 or 5 kids of mixed gender, I'd still encourage you to keep searching for a name as individual as the child. If more kids than 5... well... I can see a dilemma with running out of names that go with a theme.

[Tap]

My parents were both married to other people and had kids within those families.  Then they got together and had me.  All in all, I am the baby of 9.   My dad is the one who really wanted more kids, my mom was done, but she agreed to have one more child.  My dad only liked two girl's names, so my mom got to pick between those two.  LOL  

 

One of the two names is a Norwegian name and my mom said No Way, so that left the other name. Because it was a name that really mattered to my dad, it was easy to understand why it was chosen. 

 

The problem....is that my name, and my sister's name, are variations of the same name (my mom's daughter from a previous marriage, who I was raised in the same home with).  

 

For example, she was Julie and I am Juliet.  It irked me at times, but since I know the story it wasn't a big deal.  The time it bugged me the most is when people would try to shorten my name to hers.  Sometimes people would act put out since I would ask them to not use a shortened name as a form of endearment. When I would tell people the story, they would understand, but also usually say that it was odd that we had such similar names. (I understand that your older dd isn't called by that name, I'm just sharing my example).

 

If you do decide to use the same name twice, just make sure that your daughter knows that her name was chosen for her and it was a loved name, not just a left over name that you stuck her with.  I would also give her the option to use a middle name at any point in time, if she chooses to. That may help her 'own' the name but not feel saddled with it. 

 

 

An alternate idea is to use the name for both girl's middle names, but actually call the younger girl by the preferred name.Then if it ever bothers her, it is an easy switch to her bio-first name.  DD17 goes by her middle name and it really isn't a big deal.  We use her birth first name on all legal documents, but in casual company she goes by her middle name.  She will answer to both names, she just prefers her middle name.

 

I would not let older dd legally change her name and give it to the younger dd.  That could be a weird 'you owe me' situation later in life.

 

Good luck!  Naming kids can take so much work.  LOL 

 

[plain jane]

Didn't vote because I didn't like the options. lol

 

I'd not do it. BUT - if you're out of acceptable options AND the older child has said not only that they don't mind BUT that they really like their middle name so much they'd like to 'hear it' .... then, I'd say it's an okay option for your family.

 

Your sig line doesn't say how many children you have - if it were, say, 4 or 5 kids of mixed gender, I'd still encourage you to keep searching for a name as individual as the child. If more kids than 5... well... I can see a dilemma with running out of names that go with a theme.

  

 

Let's just say it's more than 6. :)

 

We also never call the 11yo by their full name.  You know how some parents do that when they're upset or whatever?  I do it for some of my other kids, but never this child and another sibling.  Why?  I don't really know but we just don't.  It's not a name that is spoken often (if ever) around the home now.

 

It has always been really important to me that the kids' names not only go really well with our last name but that they all sound good together.  If I depart from our theme it will be fairly obvious (but again, only to those who would really care and who would actually put any thought into it) and would likely result in the child having the "odd" name and sticking out even more.

Edited March 17, 2016 by plain jane

[HS Mom in NC]

I think the options are a overstated with the "at all costs" phrase.  I think it's weird and I wouldn't do it because I think the younger sibling might take it badly at some point.  Something like, " I can't even have my own name?  I have to share my name with one of my siblings too?" What if those two siblings have a natural personality clash or develop some sort of rivalry? 

I find it hard to believe there aren't any other names in the theme that would work and are likable. Do you think you have to absolutely love it as much or more than the middle name of sibling in order to choose it?  So what if another one doesn't rise to that level?  Can't liking it as opposed to adoring it be acceptable?  I'm wondering if your extreme phrasing choice is an indication that you're being kind of extreme about the whole thing in general.  Not that one short post is necessarily an accurate indicator, that's just the initial impression I got from reading this thread and could be wrong. 

[fairy4tmama]

OH, that is tough my kids names are all of a theme and a certain point it does seem weird to look outside of that but I don't know how I would feel about using a sibling's middle name for a first. Of course, I do tend to call my kids by their first and middle names as a term of endearment. 

[fairy4tmama]

I don't like the term "weird". Lots of things are "weird". If I were a kid I wouldn't want a name that my parents had already given to someone else of my siblings, though. I foresee a "that was originally my name" type possibility.

 

I can see how with three names you ran out, though. Maybe you can help us out and give some hive members the theme by PM, so they can suggest things?

 

If it's Greek gods, then minor gods?

^^ this

If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine  :lol:

[December]

I think it's absolutely fine.  There is an 11 year age difference!  By the time the new baby is 7, the older sibling will be an adult.  I just would hope there wouldn't be that much sibling rivalry between an adult and a 7 year old that they would resent each other over their names.

[rebcoola]

My Dad's middle brother has his middle name for his 1st name it was never a big deal.   We almost did it we would have spelled it differently to give some individuality. 

[ChocolateMomster]

Totally not weird, imo. How often do they use their middle names anyway....

[Melinda in VT]

Will this baby be your last child? If not, I would find a new theme and start using it.

[AK_Mom4]

I think it's fine.

DH has two brothers with the same first name (named after their dad). They both went by middle names when younger to avoid confusion, but use the first name professionally.

 

Go ahead and use the name IMO

[MrsWeasley]

I would depart from the theme rather than have siblings share a name.

[Night Elf]

You can't know what this new sibling will think in the future. Will she like being named after her sister? What if they don't get along well? Is the older sibling likely to tease the younger sibling saying something like mom gave it to me first and likes me better? That's something my sister would have said to me. She was 6 years older than me and didn't like that I was the baby so she lorded her age over my head.

 

If you can't stick to the theme, how about naming her after an adult female relative? Like an aunt, mom, or grandma. That could still be special. She'd be a namesake.

[Carrie12345]

Somewhere in between.

 

We use middle names fairly often, so I think it would probably be weird in our house.

My niece's first name is one of my dds' middle names, and that does sound "off" to my ear, but it isn't a huge deal b/c we only see her once or twice a year.  And my sister asked my daughter's permission first, because she didn't want *her to feel weird.  (She was honored.)

 

I dropped one of my main naming criteria with kid #5.  It just got too hard!

[ktgrok]

We have friends who have a Megan Emily, and an Emily Ruth. The girls always thought it was neat and it gave them a special bond. 

 

You know you put it this way and it actually seems kind of cool. I bet it WOULD make the kids have a special bond, above and beyond the typical sibling one. 

 

Which I'm glad to know because if we have another boy, I'm having the same darn issue, lol!

[JFSinIL]

Not weird at all.  Now, one of my BILs is wed to a Mary Martha...her sisters are Mary Margaret, Mary Monica, and Mary I can't recall the fourth one.  Obviously the family is Catholic ;-)  AND the sisters go by their middle names.

[happypamama]

I don't think it's weird, exactly, but I probably wouldn't do it.  Even if the older child is okay with it, the younger one may later feel like she didn't get her own name.

 

I do understand the theme conundrum, though.  Our daughter shares a name with a First Lady, and our first two boys share first names with Presidents.  That wasn't intentional, and nobody would likely make that connection right away because the names are fairly traditional (and Biblical, for the boys).  But then we felt like we shouldn't leave our fourth out, so he got a Biblical Presidential name too.  And then we had a fourth son.  The number of Biblical Presidential names left that weren't already used in our family (my brother and father have them too, actually, not intentionally) was like three, and none of them felt right.  So we went with Biblical for the first name and used a last name of one of the Presidents for his middle name.  So he still matches, and I sure hope he doesn't mind when he's older. :)  

[EmilyGF]

I went to college with a kid named Drew. His older brother was Andrew. This was his take on it:

 

Drew: "Yeah, we totally have the same name. My dad's not too bright."

 

But another family gave two girls the same middle name, and they thought it was fine.

 

I'm on the sorta-weird-but-okay side.

 

Emily

[Chris in VA]

I wouldn't do it. The youngest is probably going to get lots of hand-me-downs as it is. I wouldn't make a name one of them.

 

I would stick to the theme, too. I have a child who feels like the odd man out for different reasons, and I'm very sensitive to doing something deliberately that might contribute to those feelings, which are painful, so that's where I'm coming from with that.

 

And come on, now--I know we can help you find something! :laugh:  It'd be fun!! :D

[Bluegoat]

I would do it. If you look at old family trees there is a lot more repetition of names than we are used to.

[Guest]

I would not say "totally weird," but I am not a fan. I know of a family in which both daughters, though pretty far apart in age, had the middle name "Nicole." It simply seemed to me that, with all the lovely names in the world, why use the same name in two kids' names.

[bolt.]

Is there a chance of a slight variation of the name, instead of the exact identical name?

[Sarah CB]

We have done it with our boys.  It's dh's dad's name and dh's middle name and oldest ds' middle name and now it's also youngest ds' first name.  

 

No one thinks it's weird.  

[ktgrok]

We have done it with our boys.  It's dh's dad's name and dh's middle name and oldest ds' middle name and now it's also youngest ds' first name.  

 

No one thinks it's weird.  

 

I think that makes a difference too? Maybe? If I do it, it would be my father's first name, oldest son's middle name, and youngest son's first name. Other son is named after my paternal grandfather and paternal uncle. 

 

But I also really like the name Henry...it's just so popular. I hate being trendy :)

 

And of course, I am not currently pregnant, so kind of a moot point  :lol:

[Crimson Wife]

If it's a girl, she may drop her middle name legally when she gets married and just use her maiden name instead. For example, if my maiden name was Jane Elizabeth Doe and I married Joe Smith, then my married name is now Jane Doe Smith. Almost all the women I know who didn't keep their maiden name or hyphenate did this.

[Crimson Wife]

Not weird at all.  Now, one of my BILs is wed to a Mary Martha...her sisters are Mary Margaret, Mary Monica, and Mary I can't recall the fourth one.  Obviously the family is Catholic ;-)  AND the sisters go by their middle names.

 

Most of my dad's female cousins are Mary ___. Mary Kate, Mary Pat, Mary Ann, Mary Sue, Mary Jo, Mary Ellen, Mary Margaret, and I think I'm forgetting 1 or 2. Not all sisters, thank goodness!

 

[staceyobu]

I can't comment on name threads anymore. If we get pregnant with a 5th and it's a girl, I am planning on naming the child after my favorite Downton Abby character.

 

So, do what you want...

Edited March 17, 2016 by staceyobu

[alisoncooks]

I think it's fine -- not weird at all.

[vonfirmath]

I don't think it's weird, exactly, but I probably wouldn't do it.  Even if the older child is okay with it, the younger one may later feel like she didn't get her own name.

 

I do understand the theme conundrum, though.  Our daughter shares a name with a First Lady, and our first two boys share first names with Presidents.  That wasn't intentional, and nobody would likely make that connection right away because the names are fairly traditional (and Biblical, for the boys).  But then we felt like we shouldn't leave our fourth out, so he got a Biblical Presidential name too.  And then we had a fourth son.  The number of Biblical Presidential names left that weren't already used in our family (my brother and father have them too, actually, not intentionally) was like three, and none of them felt right.  So we went with Biblical for the first name and used a last name of one of the Presidents for his middle name.  So he still matches, and I sure hope he doesn't mind when he's older. :)

 

We only have two -- but they both have "Th" in their name. and both have a President/First Lady name.

 

But we already have our next name chosen out. The boy name does NOT have a TH and the girl name does not have a First Lady.

 

So if we have a third, we're going off theme rather than be hemmed in by theme.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't take issue with a name shared by everyone in the family, I take issue with reusing one name from one kid for another.  When I got married I dropped my middle name and moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husband's last name.  All my kids get mom's maiden name as a middle name.  Adopted kid too but adopted kid got bio mom's last name as a middle name too out of respect. 

 

Jane Doe Smith married Beauregard Jones.

She is now Jane Smith Jones.

Her bio kids are Daisy Smith Jones and Rose Smith Jones.

Her adopted kid is Marigold Anderson Smith Jones.  Her bio mom's last name is Anderson.

Since everyone is in on it, no one is the odd man out and all the families that contributed to this family unit are acknowledged equally. 

[SebastianCat]

In my mom's side of the family, all of the girls have the same middle name for 5 generations.   One of my cousins spells the middle name with an alternate spelling, and carried that alternate with her 3 girls.    It was pretty important to me to find a name for DD that went with the "family" middle name.

 

I don't think, though, that I would use one child's middle name for another child's first name.   I would consider breaking your naming trend for baby's first name, but consider using the same middle name.   Maybe look for a first name that is similar to the names in your theme - for example, if all of your children's first names are from Shakespeare, consider finding a name from another poet or playwright from that time.

 

An alternate idea is to use the name for both girl's middle names, but actually call the younger girl by the preferred name.Then if it ever bothers her, it is an easy switch to her bio-first name.  DD17 goes by her middle name and it really isn't a big deal.  We use her birth first name on all legal documents, but in casual company she goes by her middle name.  She will answer to both names, she just prefers her middle name.

 

 

I also like this idea.

[Spryte]

I wouldn't call it weird. But I wouldn't do it, either. So I chose the no option, though the wording was too extreme for my feelings on this.

 

And yes, I know a family with siblings with shared names. I've always found it slightly off. It just doesn't sit well with me.

 

This is your family though. Do what feels right for you.

[Ellie]

It is no more weird than many of the names people give their children. :huh:

 

In some cultures which are primarily Catholic, it isn't uncommon for all the girls in the family to have the first name of Mary (or some form of it) plus a middle name, so Mary Denise, Mary Frances, Mary Elizabeth, all in the same family.

[Tsuga]

I think the lesson we can all learn from the experiences on this thread is:

 

1. Never choose a theme with fewer than three names in it for each sex. Oh I know you might plan one but in many families, three is within the realm of "oops".

 

2. If you plan on a large family, don't choose a theme with fewer than 20 names for each sex in it. So you have a choice.

 

We didn't do a narrow theme per se, but we did have an original first name and middle name from the family for each.

 

Of course try telling that to a new bride set on her favorite name... "We're only planning two, a boy and a girl." :)

Edited March 17, 2016 by Tsuga

[EmilyGF]

Well, we have a family naming theme. And we're scraping the bottom of the barrel so much that even though we never tell names before we name our kids, multiple people guessed what baby's name would be before she was born. 

 

But it did make it easy to name her!

 

Emily

 

ETA: One of our kids has a name from the theme but goes by a nickname. She suggested that we name the baby by her name, then stopped herself and said, "Oh no, that's my name!" 

Edited March 17, 2016 by EmilyGF

[ktgrok]

I can't comment on name threads anymore. If we get pregnant with a 5th and it's a girl, I am planning on naming the child after my favorite Downton Abby character.

 

So, do what you want...

 

So..which character? Just a hint? One who is perhaps older and has a history of speaking her mind? (I like to think she is everyone's favorite character)

[Farrar]

I gave ds my middle name so I think it's all good. I mean, a little weird, but who cares?

[plain jane]

I think the options are a overstated with the "at all costs" phrase.  I think it's weird and I wouldn't do it because I think the younger sibling might take it badly at some point.  Something like, " I can't even have my own name?  I have to share my name with one of my siblings too?" What if those two siblings have a natural personality clash or develop some sort of rivalry? 

 

I find it hard to believe there aren't any other names in the theme that would work and are likable. Do you think you have to absolutely love it as much or more than the middle name of sibling in order to choose it?  So what if another one doesn't rise to that level?  Can't liking it as opposed to adoring it be acceptable?  I'm wondering if your extreme phrasing choice is an indication that you're being kind of extreme about the whole thing in general.  Not that one short post is necessarily an accurate indicator, that's just the initial impression I got from reading this thread and could be wrong. 

 

 

I see your point!  I chose the extreme phrasing only because I'm really on the fence about this.  I see both sides but I can't decide at all.  I was hoping that the Hive would weigh in on one side of the fence or the other.  I don't need more people sitting in the middle with me.  :)

[plain jane]

Is there a chance of a slight variation of the name, instead of the exact identical name?

 

 

I've been looking but this particular name does not have many (only 2) variations and they're both very similar to the original name. 

[vonfirmath]

I see your point!  I chose the extreme phrasing only because I'm really on the fence about this.  I see both sides but I can't decide at all.  I was hoping that the Hive would weigh in on one side of the fence or the other.  I don't need more people sitting in the middle with me.   :)

 

My dad once told me "If in doubt, don't"

 

If you are not sure whether you should do this, I would say Don't Do It.

[plain jane]

My dad once told me "If in doubt, don't"

 

If you are not sure whether you should do this, I would say Don't Do It.

 

 

If I am honest with myself, the only thing holding me back from doing it is what other people would think.  I guess that's why I posted here.  I wanted to see what others' opinion would be.

 

I would be interested to post on my FB page and ask if any of my FB friends even know what any of my kids' middle names are.  I would be surprised if many people did.  Maybe I should do that and factor that in as well?  Or maybe I'm simply crazy. 

[vonfirmath]

If I am honest with myself, the only thing holding me back from doing it is what other people would think.  I guess that's why I posted here.  I wanted to see what others' opinion would be.

 

I would be interested to post on my FB page and ask if any of my FB friends even know what any of my kids' middle names are.  I would be surprised if many people did.  Maybe I should do that and factor that in as well?  Or maybe I'm simply crazy. 

 

Ah. I would not care what others would think.  None of their business.

 

I would be concerned what the two girls in particular would think (the currently 11-year old daughter, and the baby daughter who would have the same name)  And what they thought could probably be shaped by how the parents treated it. But is also affected by their relationship with each other and their individual personalities.