I Got Spanked At the Park

[Zelda]

By another mom. We were having a conversation and two of my children kept interrupting us. One of them is 3 and the other one is a 6yo Aspie so interruptions are fairly constant and constantly addressed. I confess that I did not, on this occasion, correct them as much as I could have. But was it appropriate for her to say, "Wow. Its really hard for you to talk when your kids are here. Should I go and let you deal with them?" and then, "My kids don't do that." Her kids are 8 and 11.

 

I basically went, "Uhhhhhhhhhhh...." for about 2 full minutes before she repeated her question, "Really, do you need me to go?"

 

I talk to my kids about interrupting a lot. So do the various OTs. But today at 5:00 pm I was not on my game. But, is that irrelevant? Am I being defensive?

[Amy in Orlando]

I don't think you're being defensive - does that park mom not remember 3-5 years ago? Three and six year olds are not known for their manners - that's why God made parks, imo. I wouldn't give the incident another thought - unless you run into the same mom at the same park. Solution? Head to a different park.

[Kay in Cal]

That sort of thing always bugs me too... but it shouldn't! I agree with Amy, don't worry about it and wait a few years.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Maybe she felt that her presence was interfering with how you would normally have handled things. Or that she was making things hard for you by forcing you to divide your attention between the kids and her.

[RenayofRohan]

It's one thing to give you some space to deal with your kids, but I think it's quite rude of the other mom to compare her kids to yours, especially with the difference in ages. Here's one free (((HUG))). ;)

[Lolly]

They were kids interrupting, life will not end. Let it go. Her behavior was more rude than your sons'.

[Sophia]

Her first comment wouldn't have bugged me, but the second one was unnecessary.

[Alexandra]

The first comment struck me as somewhat gracious - the second was pretty irrelevant and rude.

[Sahamamama]

Her first comment wouldn't have bugged me, but the second one was unnecessary.

 

:iagree: Your 6 yo has special considerations, and your 3 yo is at the prime target age for training to not interrupt, except for emergencies. To ask if you need a little space is OK, but to compare yours to hers crosses the line, IMO.

 

You just bumped into someone who has (1) probably never had an Aspie in her life and (2) has forgotten what 3 year olds are like. She might have simply wondered if you wanted her to move away so you could "deal with" your kids, but I agree, the second comment -- "My kids don't do that" -- was rude.

 

Enjoy your children for where they are in life, who they are as people, and train them as you see to do it. Here's a :grouphug:.

[hsmamainva]

I would say that she doesn't understand special needs children or 3 year olds! (My oldest talked constantly when she was that age!)

 

I have two children on the autism spectrum and they're unique little blessings! My 6yo has many, many quirks -- she spins, she hums, she sings, she flaps her hands, she talks to herself, etc., and she's rather loud. I've gotten many stares, evil looks, and rude comments. I've started to tell people, "She's autistic", because I want to help people to understand what autism is. And with autism numbers escalating as they have been, they're bound to meet more and more children on the spectrum and maybe they'll be less rude in the future!

[dirty ethel rackham]

{{Zelda}}

 

The comparison thing was rude, rude, rude. I would probably have reacted the same way you have. I think many 6 year olds have trouble with the concept of not interrupting, let alone an aspie! This is just one of those "let it go" kinds of things.

 

One thing I learned from a wonderfully patient mom of 6 is the "hand on the shoulder" interruption method. When my kids need to interrupt, they place their hand on my shoulder. I acknowledge them by placing my hand on theirs. When we have a break in the conversation, I ask them what they need to talk about. When I first learned about it, we practiced it for about twenty minutes, role playing, getting silly, having fun with it. When my kids forget, I do not interrupt my conversation, but place the child's hand on my shoulder as a silent reminder on how to politely interrupt. Or, sometimes, do interrupt to give the child a chance for a do-over.

[cin]

It's one thing to give you some space to deal with your kids, but I think it's quite rude of the other mom to compare her kids to yours, especially with the difference in ages. Here's one free (((HUG))). ;)

 

:iagree: Maybe a comment like....I'm sorry, I need to stop taking up your time, you're kids are wanting to play with you. But as I think about it, anyway you put it might seem snarky. At the very least, though...DO NOT say...MY kids don't do that.

 

We have the same problem here. 4 & 7, and we can NOT carry on a conversation with another adult. Our kids are not Aspies though. (Although I think the older one is ADD...adn this is one of the reasons). We are working on the problem, but her wording was definitely one that raises the ire of a mamma bear.

[Remudamom]

Depending on your mood......."Wow, isn't it a shame we're not all perfect moms LIKE YOU ARE????" Or, "Thank you so much for your input, please follow me around for the week so that I can benefit from your vast experience as a mom."

 

Too bad you can't pull my favorite. When an older unnamed relative comes into my kitchen and tells me that's not the way SHE makes fried chicken, I pull off my apron, toss it to her and tell her to go for it. Then I go have a drink while she does the drudge work. But I'm thinking you'd just as soon raise your own children.

 

Just ignore her. She was out of line.

[elegantlion]

Depending on your mood......."Wow, isn't it a shame we're not all perfect moms LIKE YOU ARE????" Or, "Thank you so much for your input, please follow me around for the week so that I can benefit from your vast experience as a mom."

 

Too bad you can't pull my favorite. When an older unnamed relative comes into my kitchen and tells me that's not the way SHE makes fried chicken, I pull off my apron, toss it to her and tell her to go for it. Then I go have a drink while she does the drudge work. But I'm thinking you'd just as soon raise your own children.

 

Just ignore her. She was out of line.

 

:iagree: As usual. We need a smiley that simply says "I agree with Remudamom"

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

My kids don't act like that either.....Oh wait, I'm still dreaming! Okay, now that I'm fully awake I think what you need to do is give yourself A LOT of credit for not being snarky back to that mom. I have no social graces (and few friends, I wonder if theres a correlation?) and really would have been snarky right back. It never ceases to amaze me how women want to make other women feel bad.....

I, for one, am always so happy when I see other dc acting out, misbehaving, acting their age, whatever, and I smile and tell the mom (even if I don't know her) that I'm glad my kids are not the only ones who exhibit such "normal" behavior. Sit next to me next time and your kids will seem like the angels they are!

[kalanamak]

If you usually find this person kind and thoughtful, I think they might have just let their internal dialogue "slip" out. I'd let it ride. If this person is always a boor, I'd avoid.

 

Offering to leave you to your kids could have been good intentions. You'll have to put it in context, but is could have been a "one-off" on her part.

[Peela]

I must admit to being annoyed at times when talking to another mother, when her children constantly interrupt and she doesn't handle it the way I would handle it, or judge she should handle it.

But that is my problem and my judgement and lack of empathy- particularly if I don't consider the child might have a special need and need extra "dealing with".

I have probably been guilty of that.

And, it can be darn annoying of course- I must admit I have found it to occur with families who are more "unschooling", as in, child centred. Some mothers do believe they need to stop everything and deal with their child every time their child wants them, even when they are having ann adult conversation. There are many parents nowadays, of all sorts, who do not deal with their kids clearly in such situations- I had a 3 year old over my place recently who just completely terrorised his parents, who kept trying to please and placate him- afraid to be as firm as he was desperately asking for.They had to leave because of him, frazzled and stressed, and they didnt want to hear any other way of dealing with him.

So in a world of various parenting styles, some effective, all well meant,and many varieties of children, I guess we just all need to be patient and compassionate towards others and maybe that woman was simply being blunt with the OP, clear and direct, giving her the space to parent her own way without wanting to be necessarily herself stuck in the situation of trying to have a conversation being constantly interrupted.

I can see both sides of the situation, although she did seem to be a bit rude, perhaps she wasnt, necessarily.

[Nestof3]

I have to admit that I might have been annoyed too, but I would never have said anything. My own kids do things that annoy me and probably others as well. ;)

 

I have to agree that this tends to diminish with age -- perhaps because children interrupt less naturally or because the training starts to set in. I am big on the training, though, and moreso when someone else is around. I have found times with adults and children to be far more conducive to adult conversation when the children get a little older. Prior to that, I don't look at those moments with the little ones as good times to catch up with an adult friend -- mainly just to let our kids play together.

 

I will say that there is one lady with whom I speak on the phone from time to time, and it is a positively annoying experience -- thus I don't like talking on the phone with her. The ENTIRE time we are talking, I never know who she's talking to, except for the fact that her voice goes up an octave into squeak zone. She'll be in the middle of a sentence, and then with no warning, "that's a good girl to pet the dog like that."

 

I mean, we're not talking about the "stop jumping on the couch" or "do not do that to your brother," but like she's carrying on two conversations. Ugh. Completely unpleasant. But, I've never said a word, though I have WANTED to say, "Did you call to talk to me or your daughter." [note: she calls me, not the other way around].

[Ellie]

Maybe she felt that her presence was interfering with how you would normally have handled things. Or that she was making things hard for you by forcing you to divide your attention between the kids and her.

:iagree:

[SquirrellyMama]

Depending on your mood......."Wow, isn't it a shame we're not all perfect moms LIKE YOU ARE????" Or, "Thank you so much for your input, please follow me around for the week so that I can benefit from your vast experience as a mom."

 

I've done something similar to this before. I'll say, "May I shake your hand?". They look confused and I'll say, "No, really, may I shake your hand? I'm so excited I've finally met God! He's the only perfect person there is."

 

It is a bad idea because you are just fueling the fire but sometimes my sin nature gets the best of me.

 

Both comments the other mother made would have made me mad. I've had someone ask me if I wanted to use their living room to discipline my child when she was acting up in their yard. What irks me is that they presume to know what I should do with my child AND it has to be their way of discipline. Even if it is the same disicpline I would never say that to another parent. They aren't my children to deal with.

 

Kelly

[ChristusG]

Wow, the nerve!!! I would never say that to another mother.

 

I go over and over and over this constantly with my 4 year old. It just doesnt sink in! It gets tiring to constantly tell your child "Mommy is talking to someone right now, you need to wait until I'm finished." I could tell my 4 year old that about ten times during a conversation.

[Zelda]

Wow! Thanks for all of the thoughtful responses and suggestions.

 

I thought about if she were really trying to be helpful. I didn't get that sense at the time at all. But I will allow for the possibility for the sake of our future interactions.

 

She's not someone I know very well but I do see her at our homeschool park day. So, I don't know her well enough to know if she's generally sarcastic AND I have to get along with her so I can't let fly with some of the very great comments that would put her in her place.

 

It was a just a tiring day. In fact, my kids were interrupting me telling her that I was having a challenging day and I was glad that it was late afternoon. They were pretty obnoxious even by their usual standards. Maybe she was in a bad mood too and it was just the perfect storm.

 

Its nice to hear that my kids aren't the only chronic interrupters. FWIW, my 8yo didn't interrupt us at all!

[PrairieAir]

While I admit that I am sometimes frustrated when I think people should correct their children and do not, I would never say something like that unless what their kids were doing could be dangerous to them or to others. It's just rude. BTW, the kind of things I'm talking about that frustrate me are not simply kids interrupting. (I once had an 11yo jump onto my dining room table and almost topple it--pedestal table with her screaming and jumping on one side--because one of my kids accidently let our Westie into the house and she had an irrational fear of dogs! Mom laughed and continued talking to me:001_huh:) She really should have handled this better and been more understanding with you. When I see parents having difficulty with their little ones (and yours are littles), I remember what those days were like for me and just smile sympathetically at them or try to help. Don't let it ruin your day though. Just realize that some people really need to work on their manners and people skills.

[Susan in TN]

...when I've been "WAY off my game" - and usually it's in church and people are looking at my family as though we were the Herdman's just off a 2-day Coke and chocolate binge. It can be so frustrating.

 

At home, we have a more steady "routine", but when we're out, sometimes we ("I") get distracted and not on top of things. Oh well. Onlookers will just have more "you wouldn't believe those kids" fodder for conversation at the dinner table.

 

Children are a work in progress. Some kids take longer to learn certain things than others, and sometimes you have to focus on one particular behavior over another. And the worst behavior (in my experience) comes out in public - especially for kids with special needs who may be out of their secure comfort zone.

[Murphy101]

I must admit to being annoyed at times when talking to another mother, when her children constantly interrupt and she doesn't handle it the way I would handle it, or judge she should handle it.

 

But that is my problem

 

And, it can be darn annoying

 

I can see both sides of the situation, although she did seem to be a bit rude, perhaps she wasnt, necessarily.

 

This is me.

 

For me, it's not that I want anyone to do things me way. How you teach your kid manners is your business. And yes, I know teaching them manners is a constant lesson we have to give.;)

 

But on the other hand....

Well.... it's kind of like when you go into a business ..

You walk up to an employee with a question or whatever

You just get started in your dialog with them...

and their phone rings and they pick it up...

and you are left standing there shifting from leg to leg wondering if you should have just stayed home and called them yourself.:001_huh:

 

It may be the interruptions were comming so frequently (to her anyways) that the person felt they couldn't really have a conversation with you and felt it best to call it quits on trying for the day?

 

And yeah, people forget how their own kids used to be.

And yeah, some people are stricter about these things than others.

And yeah, she may have been rude about it, but her intention is unknown. Maybe she was having a bad day too and said something that normally she wouldn't.

 

personally, I do the "talk to the hand" motion when my kids are interrupting and they usually know that means they had best turn around and work it out because my mama has an adult to talk to and she's not wasting one minute of it!:D

[Sebastian (a lady)]

When you mentioned sarcasm, I thought of all the times that I've tried to reassure the mom of a restless baby by saying, "My kids NEVER cried or made a fuss in public." It is usually accompanied by generous eye rolling and a smirk and I think that it has usually been clear that it was sarcasm.

But in thinking about it, it could be very easy for one of these moms to think that I really was pointing out bad behavior in HER kid when what I was really attempting was to say that everyone has bad days and everyone has things that they need to work through with their kids and everyone has stages that just have to be survived (while the kids slowly learn the skills we want them to have).

I hope that it was maybe just a sarcastic remark that you were too tired or distracted to pick up on.

I hope you guys have a calmer day today.

[sagira]

I'm sorry you went through that. It make you feel so inadequate when you're not! :grouphug:

 

I've been the victim of one of those ;) My five-year-old used to interrupt all the time too. Now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some days it's easier for him to wait his turn.

 

I do agree with a PP that it was not appropriate for the lady to say that, and shows a lack of manners in that regard :glare: She could have been really frustrated trying to get a word across, tired or was using sarcasm (like the PP said). However, I think a sarcastic comment like that is usually accompanied by a smile or an obvious face, YKWIM?

[Hillary in KS]

Her first comment wouldn't have bugged me, but the second one was unnecessary.

 

I completely agree. :iagree::iagree:

[hornblower]

What I find funny is that as irritated as she was about the children's behaviour, I find HER behaviour much worse - because she's an adult & she should know better. It is appallingly bad manners to criticise anyone's parenting, & that is precisely what she was doing. The first comment may have been well meant but I doubt it - esp. given the 2nd comment.

 

I don't know why people feel so free to criticise everyone around them. Even the "I" statement is often an implicit criticism. When I was a leader of a mom to mom bf support group, we often had to deal with "I" statements which were couched as "I'm just sharing my way of doing things" but really were criticisms of someone else's way of doing things. "Oh I could never use a jolly jumper after I read all the risks of permanent spinal damage!", right after another mom said she was so glad her baby liked the jolly jumper as it meant she could finally chop up vegetables for a salad for dinner..... Gee, nice way to slam someone down.

 

A truly sympathetic comment - if she thought you were getting frustrated - would have been 'It's tough, isn't it? Don't worry, it gets better. And they're only this young once." If you said something that indicated you'd welcome some advice on how to handle it, then she could offer something constructive.

 

If she's the one frustrated, too bad. She needs to choke it up & be an adult. The world doesn't center around HER needs for uninterrupted conversation.

 

Manners - actions to make the other person comfortable - are such a lost art.

[Kris]

When you mentioned sarcasm, I thought of all the times that I've tried to reassure the mom of a restless baby by saying, "My kids NEVER cried or made a fuss in public." It is usually accompanied by generous eye rolling and a smirk and I think that it has usually been clear that it was sarcasm.

But in thinking about it, it could be very easy for one of these moms to think that I really was pointing out bad behavior in HER kid when what I was really attempting was to say that everyone has bad days and everyone has things that they need to work through with their kids and everyone has stages that just have to be survived (while the kids slowly learn the skills we want them to have).

I hope that it was maybe just a sarcastic remark that you were too tired or distracted to pick up on.

I hope you guys have a calmer day today.

 

:iagree:

 

"*My* kid wouldn't do that!" was my favorite line -- while he was doing just that very thing. ;)

[Tap]

I always think that situations like these are based on our pet peeves as parents.

 

I have a friend who trained her child from the age of two to never interrupt. It was a huge pet peeve of hers and she was very, very diligent to teach her child. But her daughter would run away from her, in parking lots, at the park, in a store.... She had not taught her child to stay by her side in a public places or to respond to the word "stop". The little girl always thought it was a game.

 

 

My kids interrupt, and we are working on it with the 2yo but in the grand scheme of things that I am working on her with, it is not at the top. Safety issues like staying at my side, not putting things in the outlets, not putting food in her mouth from the floor in public places....those are the things that I am working on right now. These are my 'pet peeves'.

 

I have another friend whose kids interrupt and run away, but she is an awesome mom for reading out loud to her kids, and actually playing with them. She rides bikes, plays ball by the hour, and plays several board games in a row (even though she hates them). Her priorities are different but just as valid. She figures that she can teach the kids the other skills when they are older, and she just carries the little ones in public.

 

We all have things that we have taught our children, we all have our own pet peeves when it comes to children. It is important to recognize that and not condemn someone else's parenting style, just because they have a different set of priorities. We all have behaviors that we ignore in our own kids, that we are totally oblivious to. Sometimes it is because we are the same way, and the kids are actually learning it from us! It isn't until someone points it out, that we are even aware that we do it.

 

What I say when another parent tries to 'spank' me, is "wow, you must really need a break, I think you just scolded me like I was one of your kids!" I say it in a joking way but it has always gotten the point across. Then I quickly change the subject. The few times that I have had someone return to the subject, I just tell them the same thing I said here...."we all have our pet peeves and priorities when it comes to raising children. This, right now, is not on the top of my priority list," then I excuse myself and walk away.

 

While the mom was being rude, I would let it go. We all say things sometimes that we don't mean to come out the way they do. Unless you have repeated problems with her doing this, I would just let it go, and think of it like someone saying "one of my pet peeves are kids who interrupt". It was her problem, her discomfort, and her comment. You have the control to let it bother you, or to move on. If you agree with her, let it be a catalyst to change your children's behavior. But do it because You realize that You want to prioritize it, not because you feel spanked.

[Melissa in CA]

One thing I learned from a wonderfully patient mom of 6 is the "hand on the shoulder" interruption method. When my kids need to interrupt, they place their hand on my shoulder. I acknowledge them by placing my hand on theirs. When we have a break in the conversation, I ask them what they need to talk about. When I first learned about it, we practiced it for about twenty minutes, role playing, getting silly, having fun with it. When my kids forget, I do not interrupt my conversation, but place the child's hand on my shoulder as a silent reminder on how to politely interrupt. Or, sometimes, do interrupt to give the child a chance for a do-over.

 

We did something similar. I taught my kids to not interrupt adult conversations because I had a sister-in-law who I could NOT have a conversation with for over a minute without her girls interrupting us. It was frustrating! Mid-sentence she would totally ignore whatever I was saying and give her girls her full attention...over really, really, really stupid things...like every other minute!! I did not have any children at that time, but told myself that when I did I would teach them to NOT interrupt adults. And I did. :D

 

We have to remember that though it is quite natural for young children to interrupt, unless there is an emergency, it is not actually proper for them to do so. It is a taught social skill. My sister-in-law never did teach her girls to not interrupt. She also used to let them play VERY LOUDLY right in the middle of a living room full adults trying to have a conversation. My children were not allowed to do that either. I learned a lot from my sister-in-law...on what I DIDN'T want my kids to do! ;)

 

As for the OP....I am so sorry if you were hurt by what the lady said. I never said anything to my sister-in-law about her kids as I felt it would be rude of me, not to mention hurtful. I do know that I often felt like not bothering conversing with her when her girls were around though, at least not about anything important. There is nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone and have them totally disregard you mid-sentence in order to say "Yes, mommy thinks your dress is very pretty, honey." "Oh yes, that man does have a big dog, my, my I wonder if he'll let you pet it." "no sweetie, we'll go to grandma's next Wednesday and you can show her your new doll then." OH, I could go on... :lol: It was maddening, rude, and disrespectful.

 

I didn't read all the posts, but perhaps your lady in the park felt like your conversation with her was really not at all important to you. That you were, in essence, being rude to her. :confused:

 

Regardless of her reasons, she should NOT have compared her kids with yours though...Yikes! Talk about bad manners! It is one thing to think it, another entirely to say it. How dare she! :D

[Murphy101]

We did something similar. I taught my kids to not interrupt adult conversations because I had a sister-in-law who I could NOT have a conversation with for over a minute without her girls interrupting us. It was frustrating! Mid-sentence she would totally ignore whatever I was saying and give her girls her full attention...over really, really, really stupid things...like every other minute!! I did not have any children at that time, but told myself that when I did I would teach them to NOT interrupt adults. And I did. :D

 

We have to remember that though it is quite natural for young children to interrupt, unless there is an emergency, it is not actually proper for them to do so. It is a taught social skill. My sister-in-law never did teach her girls to not interrupt. She also used to let them play VERY LOUDLY right in the middle of a living room full adults trying to have a conversation. My children were not allowed to do that either. I learned a lot from my sister-in-law...on what I DIDN'T want my kids to do! ;)

 

As for the OP....I am so sorry if you were hurt by what the lady said. I never said anything to my sister-in-law about her kids as I felt it would be rude of me, not to mention hurtful. I do know that I often felt like not bothering conversing with her when her girls were around though, at least not about anything important. There is nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone and have them totally disregard you mid-sentence in order to say "Yes, mommy thinks your dress is very pretty, honey." "Oh yes, that man does have a big dog, my, my I wonder if he'll let you pet it." "no sweetie, we'll go to grandma's next Wednesday and you can show her your new doll then." OH, I could go on... :lol: It was maddening, rude, and disrespectful.

 

I didn't read all the posts, but perhaps your lady in the park felt like your conversation with her was really not at all important to you. That you were, in essence, being rude to her. :confused:

 

Regardless of her reasons, she should NOT have compared her kids with yours though...Yikes! Talk about bad manners! It is one thing to think it, another entirely to say it. How dare she! :D

 

 

:iagree::D

[Liz Mc in SC]

The first comment struck me as somewhat gracious - the second was pretty irrelevant and rude.

 

 

:iagree:

[Kris]

I taught my kids to not interrupt adult conversations because I had a sister-in-law who I could NOT have a conversation with for over a minute without her girls interrupting us. It was frustrating! Mid-sentence she would totally ignore whatever I was saying and give her girls her full attention...over really, really, really stupid things...like every other minute!!

 

I have a neighbor that I don't bother to visit anymore because of this exact situation. But we aren't talking little kids here, who can be expected to interrupt and that would be understandable. These are the grandkids, 13 and 15, and her adult children -- in their late 20s. It was impossible to have an conversation with her at all -- you couldn't even finish a sentence. So, I just stay home. Calling her is pointless, too.

[Zelda]

We did something similar. I taught my kids to not interrupt adult conversations because I had a sister-in-law who I could NOT have a conversation with for over a minute without her girls interrupting us. It was frustrating! Mid-sentence she would totally ignore whatever I was saying and give her girls her full attention...over really, really, really stupid things...like every other minute!! I did not have any children at that time, but told myself that when I did I would teach them to NOT interrupt adults. And I did. :D

 

We have to remember that though it is quite natural for young children to interrupt, unless there is an emergency, it is not actually proper for them to do so. It is a taught social skill. My sister-in-law never did teach her girls to not interrupt. She also used to let them play VERY LOUDLY right in the middle of a living room full adults trying to have a conversation. My children were not allowed to do that either. I learned a lot from my sister-in-law...on what I DIDN'T want my kids to do! ;)

 

As for the OP....I am so sorry if you were hurt by what the lady said. I never said anything to my sister-in-law about her kids as I felt it would be rude of me, not to mention hurtful. I do know that I often felt like not bothering conversing with her when her girls were around though, at least not about anything important. There is nothing worse than pouring your heart out to someone and have them totally disregard you mid-sentence in order to say "Yes, mommy thinks your dress is very pretty, honey." "Oh yes, that man does have a big dog, my, my I wonder if he'll let you pet it." "no sweetie, we'll go to grandma's next Wednesday and you can show her your new doll then." OH, I could go on... :lol: It was maddening, rude, and disrespectful.

 

I didn't read all the posts, but perhaps your lady in the park felt like your conversation with her was really not at all important to you. That you were, in essence, being rude to her. :confused:

 

Regardless of her reasons, she should NOT have compared her kids with yours though...Yikes! Talk about bad manners! It is one thing to think it, another entirely to say it. How dare she! :D

 

Hmmm...Now I'm thinking that maybe one of the reasons I felt so ruffled is because I don't usually just let it go. I work really hard with my son and so do his OTs. In fact, I usually get dinged for not being lenient enough. But, like I said, I was having a tiring day of it and was in fact, telling her about how beat I was.

 

I'm going to have to let it all go but I don't want to leave the idea that I think its fine for kids to interrupt and I never do anything about it. The fact is that if it were just that easy for my son to get it from just being told not to interrupt many times every single day then he'd know it by now.

[Murphy101]

Hmmm...Now I'm thinking that maybe one of the reasons I felt so ruffled is because I don't usually just let it go. I work really hard with my son and so do his OTs. In fact, I usually get dinged for not being lenient enough. But, like I said, I was having a tiring day of it and was in fact, telling her about how beat I was.

 

I'm going to have to let it all go but I don't want to leave the idea that I think its fine for kids to interrupt and I never do anything about it. The fact is that if it were just that easy for my son to get it from just being told not to interrupt many times every single day then he'd know it by now.

 

Oh no. I didn't get that idea at all.

 

I know just what you mean. Seems like my kids only seem to forget everything I've ever taught them when I'm having a bad day and we're in public. But all those people don't know that what they are seeing is the exception, not the rule. And it stinks and makes me even more irritated.

 

But you don't know each other very well yet, so SHE doesn't know how things usually are, kwim?

And it's entirely possible this is no more than a situation where you were BOTH having a bad day? Sometimes when we're having a bad day and someone upset us, we forget that THEY could just be having a bad day too.:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't take ONE occassion to closely to heart.

Now if she makes it a habit...

well there's plenty other folks in the world to spend one's time with....:)

[Zelda]

Oh no. I didn't get that idea at all.

 

I know just what you mean. Seems like my kids only seem to forget everything I've ever taught them when I'm having a bad day and we're in public. :/

 

But you don't know each other very well yet, so SHE doesn't know how things usually are, kwim?

And it's entirely possible this is no more than a situation where you were BOTH having a bad day? Sometimes when we're having a bad day and someone upset us, we forget that THEY could just be having a bad day too.:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't take ONE occassion to closely to heart.

Now if she makes it a habit...

well there's plenty other folks in the world to spend one's time with....:)

 

You're totally right. I have no reason to believe she's usually a rude person so I'm going to have to chalk it up to a bad day and let it go. I bet she hasn't even given it a second thought no matter how she meant it.

 

Isn't it weird the things we hang on to? I'll have to figure out what about this *really* bothered me, KWIM?

[melmac]

:iagree: I remember similar comments when my boys were those ages.

 

 

I don't think you're being defensive - does that park mom not remember 3-5 years ago? Three and six year olds are not known for their manners - that's why God made parks, imo. I wouldn't give the incident another thought - unless you run into the same mom at the same park. Solution? Head to a different park.

[Kay in Cal]

The fact is that if it were just that easy for my son to get it from just being told not to interrupt many times every single day then he'd know it by now.

 

Oh, I so feel your pain...

 

My older ds is ADHD/SID/Aspergers/PG... and probably whatever other letters they can come up with. Mostly to say, he needs more parenting than other kids and he does NOT learn appropriate behavior easily, even though we instruct and give consequences over and over and over again. Now, he does show improvement over the years, but he'll never be like his peers--I'm sure he'll be the weird squirly kid until high school at least.

 

I know how hard it is to hear from other parents that all that is needed is "firm discipline". We have that. We just don't have a kids that responds to it. I really learned this after our younger ds came along and we said "Wow! This is so much easier!" He still has his issues (mostly whining, right now), but comparatively, it's a breeze.

 

So like I said before... don't sweat it, and just wait. Oh, and don't hang out with people who have a low tolerance level, it's just too much stress.

[Zelda]

Oh, I so feel your pain...

 

My older ds is ADHD/SID/Aspergers/PG... and probably whatever other letters they can come up with. Mostly to say, he needs more parenting than other kids and he does NOT learn appropriate behavior easily, even though we instruct and give consequences over and over and over again. Now, he does show improvement over the years, but he'll never be like his peers--I'm sure he'll be the weird squirly kid until high school at least.

 

I know how hard it is to hear from other parents that all that is needed is "firm discipline". We have that. We just don't have a kids that responds to it. I really learned this after our younger ds came along and we said "Wow! This is so much easier!" He still has his issues (mostly whining, right now), but comparatively, it's a breeze.

 

So like I said before... don't sweat it, and just wait. Oh, and don't hang out with people who have a low tolerance level, it's just too much stress.

 

Thank you SO much. It reminded me that part of the problem yesterday was that I just got so frustrated with my son for not looking at me when I was talking to him...even though that's just how its always been with him...you have to ask him repeatedly in every conversation to please look at you. Something about that day...I just couldn't ask one more time. And I felt terrible about it later because I know he isn't being defiant or difficult.

 

So maybe I also felt defensive for a kid that had already taken it on the chin (not literally) that day.

 

And last night I laid down with him and asked him, "Why don't you look at people when they are talking to you?" He said, "I try but I don't know when I'm looking at them and when I'm not."

[Zelda]

Does her perceive something like looking at their shoes as looking at someone? We use the key phrase "eyes up hands down" with dd. Otherwise she is all over the place when you are trying to talk to her. I can say this in the middle of something else without losing my flow of words now :D

 

I ask him sometimes, "What are you looking at now?" He says, "I don't know." I ask, "Well, what did I just say?" And he repeats verbatim whatever I said.

 

Sometimes he's staring somewhere else , sometimes his eyes are darting around. I've started to say, "Listen with your eyes and ears." But then he bugs his eyes out in an attempt to do that and I think, "That's not going to go over big either." B/c ultimately, if he hears what I'm saying I don't care if he's looking at me but I know that society will...and should. I just hope he gets it eventually...I'm very hopeful.

[hornblower]

I ask him sometimes, "What are you looking at now?" He says, "I don't know." I ask, "Well, what did I just say?" And he repeats verbatim whatever I said.

 

Sometimes he's staring somewhere else , sometimes his eyes are darting around. I've started to say, "Listen with your eyes and ears." But then he bugs his eyes out in an attempt to do that and I think, "That's not going to go over big either." B/c ultimately, if he hears what I'm saying I don't care if he's looking at me but I know that society will...and should. I just hope he gets it eventually...I'm very hopeful.

 

So he's listening, he's tuned in, but just not good at looking at the person speaking? Is this really a problem? I'm not being a jerk - I really want to know. 'Cause I know tons of people who don't look me in the eye when speaking to me.

 

Some are older Japanese folks for whom eye contact is rude.

Some are engineers. I know a woman engineer who closes her eyes & speaks to the ceiling. Pretty much all the time. When I'm speaking, she's twitching & fidgeting & just glances at me once in a while. She's a successful professional woman. Admittedly kind of odd, but I like odd folks.

One is my mil. She stares at a point somewhere to the left of my left ear. She's not Japanese or an engineer so I'm not sure where to classify her :D, but there you are.

 

I'm thinking that unless you want to be a politician, preacher or a salesman, this is not a problem.....

 

I don't want to diminish your situation as I gather your child may have other issues which you feel you're needing to address but I would genuinely encourage you to not see this as a problem.

[Zelda]

So he's listening, he's tuned in, but just not good at looking at the person speaking? Is this really a problem? I'm not being a jerk - I really want to know. 'Cause I know tons of people who don't look me in the eye when speaking to me.

 

Some are older Japanese folks for whom eye contact is rude.

Some are engineers. I know a woman engineer who closes her eyes & speaks to the ceiling. Pretty much all the time. When I'm speaking, she's twitching & fidgeting & just glances at me once in a while. She's a successful professional woman. Admittedly kind of odd, but I like odd folks.

One is my mil. She stares at a point somewhere to the left of my left ear. She's not Japanese or an engineer so I'm not sure where to classify her :D, but there you are.

 

I'm thinking that unless you want to be a politician, preacher or a salesman, this is not a problem.....

 

I don't want to diminish your situation as I gather your child may have other issues which you feel you're needing to address but I would genuinely encourage you to not see this as a problem.

 

This is one issue accompanying a host of other issues neurological, behavioral and physical in nature. There are many schools of thought on how to deal with behavioral "quirks". I'm fortunate to have a very compassionate occupational therapist who is guiding us through these tricky waters. I'm hopeful that my son can learn to mimic some basic typical social behaviors and to read some basic social cues that will make it easier for him to interact with other people. He demands that people look at him when he speaks so there is some understanding on his part that it is a desirable action. I see possibilities there.

[hornblower]

oh that's wonderful. I'm glad you're getting the compassionate help your son requires - it's not always easy to find, is it.

[Misty]

:iagree:

 

"*My* kid wouldn't do that!" was my favorite line -- while he was doing just that very thing. ;)

 

LOL....If you said that to an Aspie, they would surely miss the sarcasm and take you literally. And there are more Aspie adults out there than you think! This is a classic Aspie trait.. not being able to catch the sarcasm, read body language, etc.

[Misty]

'Cause I know tons of people who don't look me in the eye when speaking to me. Some are engineers. I know a woman engineer who closes her eyes & speaks to the ceiling. Pretty much all the time. When I'm speaking, she's twitching & fidgeting & just glances at me once in a while. She's a successful professional woman. Admittedly kind of odd, but I like odd folks.

 

Interestingly enough, many Aspies turn out to be engineers!! I think this lady just may have Asperger's! Aspie's have a very hard time with eye contact, they fidget a lot, sometimes have tics, and just seem odd to other people! But they are usually brilliant and end up with jobs that require brains, but not too much social interaction.

[Zelda]

oh that's wonderful. I'm glad you're getting the compassionate help your son requires - it's not always easy to find, is it.

 

We've been insanely fortunate when it comes to OTs. We've had a couple (they have this thing about getting married and having kids) and they've all been fantastic. Maybe its just the kind of person drawn to the field.

[Misty]

I have a 5yo Aspie who CONSTANTLY interrupts adults! It does not matter one single bit how many times she has been told to not interrupt. She will do it, get corrected, then do it again 2 seconds later. And she does it LOUDLY! And it's usually for no good reason! And It is very embarrassing!!!! And if the other mom and I continue our conversation, she will keep talking even if we aren't listening. She just doesn't *get it*! I have been tempted to start carrying duct tape in my purse!! Gotta love those Aspies!

 

But I think the other mom was being rude!! If you see her again, you may want to point out to her that Aspies are slow to learn social expectations and at that age they will interrupt no matter how many times they are corrected. My dd is usually in her own little world at any given moment and it is really hard to reach her and get any sort of conversation out of her. She will talk "at" us all day long, but she will not talk "with" us. So it is hard to teach her anything unless it is with a picture.

 

Oh, and her eye contact is similar to your ds. If I tell her to look at me, she will glance at me and then look away instantly. She can't maintain it at all. Her eyes are usually all over the place or looking at the floor. She was just recently diagnosed so I will be happy when we get therapy going.

 

I feel your pain!!!:grouphug:

[Kanga]

When you mentioned sarcasm, I thought of all the times that I've tried to reassure the mom of a restless baby by saying, "My kids NEVER cried or made a fuss in public." It is usually accompanied by generous eye rolling and a smirk and I think that it has usually been clear that it was sarcasm.

But in thinking about it, it could be very easy for one of these moms to think that I really was pointing out bad behavior in HER kid when what I was really attempting was to say that everyone has bad days and everyone has things that they need to work through with their kids and everyone has stages that just have to be survived (while the kids slowly learn the skills we want them to have).

I hope that it was maybe just a sarcastic remark that you were too tired or distracted to pick up on.

I hope you guys have a calmer day today.

 

My dh handles situations just like the lady in the park. When he asks, "Do you need to deal with this?" He wants the mom or dad to know that he would not consider it rude to deal with their children because we have had to excuse ourselves to handle kid situations. He also tells people all the time (with a twinkle in his eye), "oh, our kids have never done that before!" In his sarcastic way, he is saying BTDT! Most of the time my friends get him...