I Got Spanked At the Park

[Melissa in CA]

I'm going to have to let it all go but I don't want to leave the idea that I think its fine for kids to interrupt and I never do anything about it. The fact is that if it were just that easy for my son to get it from just being told not to interrupt many times every single day then he'd know it by now.

 

Zelda, forgive me if my post seemed negatively pointed directly at you and your situation. I was not intending that at all! I do not have an aspie, nor does my sister-in-law for that matter, so your situation is so very different from what ours was. There was no excuse for her children's behavior except, in my opinion, bad parenting...and believe me, we all fall under that heading according to someone's standard. ;)

 

Your circumstances are far more complex and I believe everyone here understands that. In posting and giving my experience with my sister-in-law, I was just trying to give the other side of the coin so to speak...a glimpse into what the "Park Lady" may have been feeling and why she may have been rude. Not trying to excuse her behavior at all, just attempting to add more clarity in the understanding of it.

 

I pray your day today is a much better one! :D

 

Blessings,

[Guest Zhena]

So many people think my son is much younger than he is (even though he can tell you about neurotransmitters ect..) I think it's b/c of his awkward demeanor and the fact that I guide him, and call to him repeatedly when were out, and not to mention the goofy things he does with his hands and expressions. LOL!

But when a stranger asks how old he is, and they hear 6, they look at me as if I'm lying to them. And comment how he seems so much younger.

Does this happen to anyone else?

When we go anywhere new, he has to explore the entire place before he is satisfied, it makes me dread taking him anywhere. He is actually well behaved, but we get stared at A LOT! I wish some people would just mind there own business!

Sorry to vent a little bit... it just gets old when you have everyone analyzing you. I know I can talk to understanding Mom's here and not feel like it's my fault that he has these quirks and stands out so much.

As common of a disorder as this is, you would think more people would be tolerant of it. I can truly say, someone who does not have a child that is challenging should NOT give advice to an overworked, exhausted Mom.

Were likely to tape their mouths up. LOL! :chillpill:

[Zelda]

Zelda, forgive me if my post seemed negatively pointed directly at you and your situation. I was not intending that at all! I do not have an aspie, nor does my sister-in-law for that matter, so your situation is so very different from what ours was. There was no excuse for her children's behavior except, in my opinion, bad parenting...and believe me, we all fall under that heading according to someone's standard. ;)

 

Your circumstances are far more complex and I believe everyone here understands that. In posting and giving my experience with my sister-in-law, I was just trying to give the other side of the coin so to speak...a glimpse into what the "Park Lady" may have been feeling and why she may have been rude. Not trying to excuse her behavior at all, just attempting to add more clarity in the understanding of it.

 

I pray your day today is a much better one! :D

 

Blessings,

 

No, no. Its me. Touchier about it than I had thought, I guess. Good to know. In fairness, the woman doesn't know about my son either. We're very fortunate that his case is mild (though he did get the physical problems that go along with it just for good measure).

 

I guess I'm just used to moms cutting other moms some slack. And I guess I'm lucky that these episodes are far and few between.

 

And,wow, what awesome thoughtful comments from everyone...thank you!

[mo2]

I didn't read all the replies, so I may be repeating what others have said. I personally would have been kind of offended. Sure, her kids may not do that NOW, but did they do that a few years ago? I would bet they did. I have a 6yo who interrupts constantly. We are working on it, but it's going to take time. And who hasn't had a moment where they have been tired, distracted, or just not with it and didn't correct as much or as quickly as they should? I say forget about it. Your kids are wonderful the way they are, interruptions and all!

[Miss Sherry]

Some parents can tend to get a little smug when they have not had some of the same challenges as some people have had to deal with. They tend to get it in their heads that the lack of challenges they've faced is due to them being such great parents when in reality it is often really due to just having children born with compliant personalities and no learning disabilities. These types of parents lack empathy for parents with more challenging children. Some people just lack empathy for others in general and that explains their rudeness.

 

I think she was rude and I wouldn't even care if I saw her again at the park. I guess she needed to make herself look "good" by making a smug remark to try to make you look "bad". I think people like that are very small, petty people.

[Jennefer@SSA]

Some parents can tend to get a little smug when they have not had some of the same challenges as some people have had to deal with. They tend to get it in their heads that the lack of challenges they've faced is due to them being such great parents when in reality it is often really due to just having children born with compliant personalities and no learning disabilities. These types of parents lack empathy for parents with more challenging children.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Oh boy, if I could only put this on a sign! It is so sad but true. You said it much better than I could have.

[tibbyl]

Augusten Burroughs's brother has an excellent memoir about growing up with undiagnosed Asperger's. Although I do not recall the specifics, the author explains why he found it difficult to look people in eye when talking to them. It helped me to feel more compassion for the social issues that AS children and adults face.

 

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison

 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224313839&sr=8-1

[brehon]

personally, I do the "talk to the hand" motion when my kids are interrupting and they usually know that means they had best turn around and work it out because my mama has an adult to talk to and she's not wasting one minute of it!:D

 

 

*snort* -- I do this, too. 2 of my kids have learned that "blood &/or bone = interrupting mama" (and, of course, when the almost 2 year old is about to launch himself off something;)) My younger two, eh, not so much yet. 3 (almost 4) yo dd, "Mamamamamama...I have to tell you something! Umm....erm....[twirls hair, puts a bit shirt or dress in mouth]...my babies [dolls] are cwying." R's are still hard for her.

[MrsMe]

I think it rather goes both ways here. She did sound like was being gracious, however it ended up to be rude when she did comparisons. On another note, maybe it's time to take note.

 

While I take into consideration the age of children interrupting, it's the mother's reaction that I usually am at my wit's end with, at least in my circle. I know two people and these two people never make good on teaching their child to not interrupt. I mean, they say, "don't interrupt....." like 10 times, but then they answer their children anyway, instead of making it a teaching moment. All bark and no bite. The parent says no, then they interrupt anyway and mom still talks and answers the kids. The other person I know, just lets her son do it. Neither one of these people I can talk on the phone with or have a conversation with in person. I'm not able to get out more than a half a sentence and after awhile, I would just as soon be gone. It's very frustrating.

 

So it's not the children as much as it is how you are handling your kids' interruptions. Personally, if the other parent was actually showing that she's the boss and making good on the teaching, then I don't have a problem with it. But I very rarely see that in these two women I know. And then they never do come back to the child to see what they want either, which is extremely important. I'm not saying it's you. Just a heads up. I think there may be something to both your stories.

 

This is just something we instilled from day one and my dd still needs work, but you can see the results. (Not to compare. ;))

[anissarobert]

{{Zelda}}

 

The comparison thing was rude, rude, rude. I would probably have reacted the same way you have. I think many 6 year olds have trouble with the concept of not interrupting, let alone an aspie! This is just one of those "let it go" kinds of things.

 

One thing I learned from a wonderfully patient mom of 6 is the "hand on the shoulder" interruption method. When my kids need to interrupt, they place their hand on my shoulder. I acknowledge them by placing my hand on theirs. When we have a break in the conversation, I ask them what they need to talk about. When I first learned about it, we practiced it for about twenty minutes, role playing, getting silly, having fun with it. When my kids forget, I do not interrupt my conversation, but place the child's hand on my shoulder as a silent reminder on how to politely interrupt. Or, sometimes, do interrupt to give the child a chance for a do-over.

 

 

I'm not sure if I did the quote thing correctly, but thank you for this idea. I have been looking for a way to deal with interruptions. The lady at the park was rude, but she could just as easily have been talking to me. My youngest just does not get it yet.