mamato4 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 DD got invited to a sweet 16 party. This was at the bottom of the invite. Care to guess what this means? I will have dd ask around to find out what this means but I thought I'd try the forums first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Uh...no clue. I could make wild guesses. Maybe they only want bagged gifts. Or round gifts. Or maybe they want only gifts that come in baskets. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Cash only, in a card? Maybe they mean to bring a puppy! Yeah, that's it! Lots of puppies! :lol: :lol: I think Margaret is right (about the first thing, not about the puppies) -- they are quite open to discreet monetary gifts, but there will be no table for wrapped gifts at the party. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retiredHSmom Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Gift cards/cash only? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I understand it to mean cash or gift cards only. I've seen the request for weddings but not for teen birthday parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 duplicate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Google says that this is traditionally the Indian/Pakistani way to put it (for weddings and such), and others have picked up the phrase as a useful way to specify cash/gift certificate gifts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 If they truly mean a monetary gift is fine but are not wishing for gift gifts, that seems a really confusing way to put it. At least in this area it will say there is to be a money tree people can contribute to if they wish. Or they will say cash and gift cards welcome. Or something along those lines. Seems a lot clearer to me. Maybe it is a new regional thing? 'Cause that actually does make the most sense for possible options. They don't want gift gifts, but if someone wants to bring a money gift that is fine. Still a poor way to put it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Tacky 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 If they were adults I'd say it probably meant "Bring booze," but since they're teens I'm going to agree with everyone else and guess they only want cash. ;) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It means she wants cash. . . . . . And it's very tacky. :( 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purpleowl Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Never heard it before, but I'd assume she wants cash or gift cards, and I find such requests impolite. Totally show up with a puppy. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 No idea. Never heard it before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I used to think requests like this were tacky, too, and when I moved to the area I live now I was shocked to see so many invitations for birthdays and weddings that were "money tree" or "cash gifts only" or "cash and gift cards welcome". Then someone in the local area pointed out that here cash gift requests and money trees are the cultural norm. If you are asked to only bring a cash gift it is perfectly acceptable, but it is seen as inappropriate to bring a wrapped gift if the invitation says otherwise because that is the norm here. No one would be rude enough to refuse the gift but it is frowned on. There are lots of reasons. Maybe they don't have any room for physical gifts. Maybe they have everything they really need but they are saving money for a more expensive gift they cannot afford on their own. Maybe they are saving for a car or a wedding or a house. Etc. Honestly, I would much rather contribute to something someone can actually use then drop off a gift they don't want and will sit in the closet gathering dust for the next 5 years. Also, this is fairly poor area. There are a lot of people that may really need the money to improve the quality of life but asking for cash for a celebration is seen as less embarrassing than begging money off friends and family. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Bring a can of popcorn. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It means bring cash or a check in an envelope. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 My kneejerk reaction also says tacky, but it's so culturally ingrained in a lot of cultures - Jewish, Indian, Chinese... What with the melting pot of cultures, I think it's more and more that people see it as just another option. I've come to think it's fine. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 My kneejerk reaction also says tacky, but it's so culturally ingrained in a lot of cultures - Jewish, Indian, Chinese... I am Jewish and while giving money as gifts is 100% culturally acceptable, putting this kind of request on the invitation is totally not. I've never seen anything like that and would have no idea what "no boxed gifts" meant. And people definitely give gifts other than money -- especially Judaica items like candlesticks, etc. -- for major life cycle events. DH is Chinese-American and I'm pretty sure it's the same deal there -- yes for money gifts, no for saying you don't want any other kind. Although I can't imagine anyone giving anything other than money at a Chinese wedding, so even if it were OK to ask it's largely beside the point. In fact, some of our older wedding guests just cut right to the chase and wrote checks made out to FIL. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am Jewish and while giving money as gifts is 100% culturally acceptable, putting this kind of request on the invitation is totally not. I've never seen anything like that and would have no idea what "no boxed gifts" meant. And people definitely give gifts other than money -- especially Judaica items like candlesticks, etc. -- for major life cycle events. DH is Chinese-American and I'm pretty sure it's the same deal there -- yes for money gifts, no for saying you don't want any other kind. Although I can't imagine anyone giving anything other than money at a Chinese wedding, so even if it were OK to ask it's largely beside the point. In fact, some of our older wedding guests just cut right to the chase and wrote checks made out to FIL. But you wouldn't have to ask... people would know it's what's done. I guess I'm just saying that this has become the cultural norm in more and more communities and I no longer think it's worth getting offended about. One of the pp's explained that that's the typical term in Indian/Pakistani parties and weddings. I think one of the things that's also changing in our society is that expecting that everyone will know what your cultural traditions and expectations are is no longer what's done. Decades ago, there was a lot of expecting that everyone was on the same page about manners. But manners are cultural and we don't share a culture anymore. So I think there's more of this just stating expectations going on. And I think that's okay. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree that it is a way to specify cash gifts only, and that it is tacky. here cash gift requests and money trees are the cultural norm. Could you please tell me what a money tree is? I've heard of them on the boards, but never been invited to such an event. I imagine a christmas tree like structure with people standing around decorating it with cash. I'm sure it isn't it, but it makes a hilarious vision. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Totally putting that on the bottom of our Christmas card this year. Genius! :-) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleGreen Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Bring a can of popcorn. Or a bag 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 A card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree that it is a way to specify cash gifts only, and that it is tacky. Could you please tell me what a money tree is? I've heard of them on the boards, but never been invited to such an event. I imagine a christmas tree like structure with people standing around decorating it with cash. I'm sure it isn't it, but it makes a hilarious vision. It depends on the event. At birthday parties for children, there may actually be a themed tree with clips. You clip your card with cash or a check or a gift card inside to the tree. In the case of something for older people, it may not actually be a tree. It might be something having to do with the theme of the party or something that becomes part of the party decorations. It usually has decorative clips to clip the gift to. As for whether it is tacky or not, here it is not. People that are from this area see it as perfectly normal. "Tacky" to one culture may be perfectly normal to another. It took a bit of getting used to, but now it doesn't bother me because this is normal here. Whether something is tacky or not is subjective and based more on cultural norms than whether something could actually be called right or wrong. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 People that are from this area see it as perfectly normal. "Tacky" to one culture may be perfectly normal to another. It took a bit of getting used to, but now it doesn't bother me because this is normal here. Whether something is tacky or not is subjective and based more on cultural norms than whether something could actually be called right or wrong. :iagree: Exactly. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 To me it would mean, bring no gift at all, and don't bother to attend, but I'm crass like that. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am behind the times. I thought it meant, "don't bring a gift" while recognizing that some people are unable to go to a party without bringing something like flowers, wine, or a treat for the hostess. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Bring a can of popcorn. Or rolls of toilet paper. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Uh...no clue. I could make wild guesses. Maybe they only want bagged gifts. Or round gifts. Or maybe they want only gifts that come in baskets. :lol: Love that! :lol: Every wedding invitation (all of which have been Indian/Pakistani) I have ever received has said this. Like others have said, it means cash/card only. I wouldn't see it tacky for a wedding, but for a b-day I would. Maybe because we don't tend to celebrate b-days, and when someone does, we would spend much less on the gift. I feel fine ignoring the request for cash when I want. Unless, of course, the person is about to move across country, or out of the country. Unlike others, I actually see it as tacky to GIVE a purchased gift (unless there's a registry) for something like a wedding. Weddings in our neck of the woods don't even have "gift tables." While I'm detailing all of my gift giving habits - housewarming and new babies get physical gifts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 My initial thought was that you need not bring a present, unless you had something specially designed that you wanted to give, like a handmade quilt or some other personal momento just for her... you wouldn't need to run out and find a generic something from a store. However, I suspect that cash only is the correct answer, in which case I also support the idea of a puppy! I wonder if Miss Manners ever wrote about this one. ETA: I have no problem giving people a money gift, especially teens and young couples who always need it. I just don't like being told what to do on the invitation! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 DD got invited to a sweet 16 party. This was at the bottom of the invite. Care to guess what this means? I will have dd ask around to find out what this means but I thought I'd try the forums first. I have no idea. This is one reason that Miss Manners does not allow people to discuss gifts on an invitation. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Could you please tell me what a money tree is? I've heard of them on the boards, but never been invited to such an event. I imagine a christmas tree like structure with people standing around decorating it with cash. I'm sure it isn't it, but it makes a hilarious vision. Never seen a money tree, but we have wishing wells here, you can buy a water-well wooden construction, from tabletop size to standalone. People drop money into them. Very popular at weddings with so many people living together before marriage now, but would be TOTALLY tacky at a birthday party unless it was, like, an 18th and going off to college type party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am totally with Arctic Mama - Bring a nice card but don't even bother with an envelope since it could be misconstrued as a "box" of sorts. What they really want is likely cold, hard cash. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I can't believe how many ways people ask for other people to give them money. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I agree it probably means money only. Yuck. Even if I were inclined to give them a gift card, I would be very tempted to RSVP "no" just because of the way the invitation was worded. :/ The other possible way to read it is, you can bring a homemade gift. How about a nice embroidered wall hanging? Or a pair of mittens? Or some brownies? :P 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think there's a polite way of saying, "Only bring money." I feel that if gifts are brought up at all, simply saying (as was on a recent invitation my daughter received) "Your presence is the only present I need!" or something along those lines is best. However, I've said this here before, if you say no gifts, please mean no gifts. Don't do a gift opening for people who violate the no gift request. It's very awkward for people who brought no gift, as requested. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I have never heard that phrase before. It makes me think I should use a gift bag. Which I would do anyway because I detest wrapping things. I would normally give cash for a sweet sixteen anyway so I don't see why that would need to be specified. It seems weird to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobeatenpath Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am not sure why cash is considered so tacky - frankly isn't it selfish to make giving a gift all about what you (the giver) want to give rather than giving the receiver what they want? I mean, isn't that the point of a gift? Why is it nicer to give someone something they might not want (but you like/think is appropriate) rather than give them money or gift cards so they can get something they really want? 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I have no idea. Now I will read all the replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Goldfish. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Take the gift out of the sealed box. Then wrap. She might be impatient. ;-) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I'd be soooo tempted to turn up with an ENORMOUS gift basket. Filled with all those things that come in gift baskets that no one ever really needs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would find being asked for money tacky. But being asked for a contribution to go towards college textbooks or a school trip would be OK to me. While giving a gift is about the receiver it is also supposed to be an act of thoughfulness. But then I am horrified when I see something advertised for sale as an unwanted gift - in my mind your should never sell what you have been given but regifting or donating is OK. I would be inclined to decline or take flowers. PS. Here asking for Koha is OK as it is understood to be a contribution to the expenses occurred by the host in holding an event like a funeral or reception. Asking people to bring food is common too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would have read this as "cash and gift cards only," but honestly, unless my daughter were DYING to go to such a party, I think I'd skip it based on that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I used to think requests like this were tacky, too, and when I moved to the area I live now I was shocked to see so many invitations for birthdays and weddings that were "money tree" or "cash gifts only" or "cash and gift cards welcome". Then someone in the local area pointed out that here cash gift requests and money trees are the cultural norm. If you are asked to only bring a cash gift it is perfectly acceptable, but it is seen as inappropriate to bring a wrapped gift if the invitation says otherwise because that is the norm here. No one would be rude enough to refuse the gift but it is frowned on. We moved to a different province last year and ds (10) has been to about 8 birthday parties so far. For the first six he was the only kid to bring a gift. The last two we gave cash. Took us a while to catch on. Ds (10) had his birthday party a couple of weeks ago. He invited three friends. Two of them gave him $30 and the other gave him $25. All of the parties he has been to have been for all the boys in both It makes me a little sad because we enjoy buying gifts for others. The last two gifts ds gave were to close friends. Each time he chose a book that had been one of his favourites and a Minecraft stuffed toy. But, cash sure is easier. Oh - and it's definitely not specified on the invite. There's no mention at all about gifts on the invite. It just seems to be something people around here know to do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I still think you should go with a whole litter of puppies... I'd throw in some kittens, too. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobeatenpath Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It makes me a little sad because we enjoy buying gifts for others. Oh me too - the searching out, the thinking what would be best. I also love making things for other people. But I realised that was exactly what my mother was doing - and her choice of gifts was always a disaster. Always. All my siblings and I basically got to the stage where we all agreed her choices were either awful or just wrong. So what harm is there in just letting her buy something she thinks is nice, saying 'thanks, Mum' and putting up with it? Well - the house gets full of crap you never use, and need to find room to store. - My Mum has spent time and money on a gift that will never be used, is not really wanted - the whole guilt of 'I don't like this thing, but Mum gave it to me so I can't really regift it/throw it away' and I realised I didn't want to be doing that to people. So now if I know someone wants something specific, or is asking for cash/gift cards/contributions to something I get over myself and give them what they ask for. (oh, and with my Mum - we got her to understand that adult children didn't need gifts, and for grandchildren she usually asks now. Since we live on the other side of the planet she now just chooses from an online gift list to get stuff delivered.) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I was taught that this is tacky but to be honest, I would think, "Sweet, I don't have to go to a store, and wrap something up, and hope they like it....just toss some cash in a card, Yay!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Oh me too - the searching out, the thinking what would be best. I also love making things for other people. But I realised that was exactly what my mother was doing - and her choice of gifts was always a disaster. Always. All my siblings and I basically got to the stage where we all agreed her choices were either awful or just wrong. So what harm is there in just letting her buy something she thinks is nice, saying 'thanks, Mum' and putting up with it? Well - the house gets full of crap you never use, and need to find room to store. - My Mum has spent time and money on a gift that will never be used, is not really wanted - the whole guilt of 'I don't like this thing, but Mum gave it to me so I can't really regift it/throw it away' and I realised I didn't want to be doing that to people. So now if I know someone wants something specific, or is asking for cash/gift cards/contributions to something I get over myself and give them what they ask for. (oh, and with my Mum - we got her to understand that adult children didn't need gifts, and for grandchildren she usually asks now. Since we live on the other side of the planet she now just chooses from an online gift list to get stuff delivered.) I agree that cash can be a great gift to receive, and that it solves many dilemmas. I have been the recipient of some really odd choices by my mom, too. My MIL always gives money to the adults and savings bonds to the kids. Not particularly exciting, but she has never given me a gift that doesn't fit, takes up too much room, doesn't work, requires too much effort and upkeep, etc. Having said that, it is the specific asking that I am opposed to. It's crass. When my kids were little, I had a couple of parties that I asked people to bring gifts that were worth a dollar. I thought this was allowing my guests to be free from the obligation of buying some big thing and I didn't want my kids to be focused on getting lots of stuff. This attempt backfired, though, because parents said it was much harder to seek out something so inexpensive that was also decent to give. A few people were embarrased by their kids gift. So I quit that. P.S. One mom said she thought it was a cool idea and liked how it challeneged her kid to find a fun gift at the dollar store. But most people didn't like it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Okay, this is going to sound a little snarky and I don't really mean it that way. But I'm too lazy (and sick -- have a cold from Hades) to bother making it sound better -- I'm much too practical to be bothered at all by this. When I get a gift for someone I want it to be something they will like/enjoy/need. The gift is about them, not about me or my notions about what is tacky or not. If someone will like/enjoy/needs cash . . . that's perfectly okay with me. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.