Reasons to send to school

[3girls4me]

Hi ladies,

Here's a question.

What would be some reasons you would consider sending your child to school - whether public or private, instead of continuing to homeschool? I'm not sharing what is going on because I don't want to lead the discussion. Just want to hear reasons you would stop what you are doing and make the switch.

Thanks!

[regentrude]

Since I homeschool because the local school could not provide the level of academic challenge my kids needed, my top reason to send the kids to school would have been the availability of a school that provides better academics than I can provide at home.

 

Other reasons I can envision:

inability to continue homeschooling due to chronic illness, a job situation incompatible with homeschooling, a difficult family situation (elder care, special needs siblings)

child who refuses to cooperate in homeschooling because he wants to attend school

child whose need for interaction and companionship cannot be met at home

child who requires special needs services I cannot provide at home

difficult family dynamics/parent-child relationship that makes it preferable that the child is away from parent for the duration of the school day

 

ETA: or a parent who simply no longer wants to homeschool.

[ikslo]

Death of spouse possibly, or if child wanted to.

[Amira]

I sent my youngest to school because we had a great school available and I knew he'd learn much more Spanish at school than at home.  Also, I just couldn't face teaching another child to read.

 

We discuss whether private/public school is an option every year.  Mostly it hasn't been what we've chosen, but sports and foreign languages are two big reasons why it is an option for us.  Our boys' preferences is also a major factor.  Both of my high schoolers chose to homeschool this year.

[Ali in OR]

Regentrude's list is good. We've never home schooled our special needs dd because school can better meet her needs.

 

We decided long ago that our girls would probably attend our decent public high school. We plan for them to go away for college as we did, and we think they need to transition to being out from under our wings before that. I know other people handle that in different ways, but for what is available in our area, we think public high school is the best way to prepare them for interacting in the world on their own.

[bettyandbob]

I did send my older kids for high school. Partly I needed to work more and more. However, academically it would have been very difficult to provide the challenge level available in multiple subjects. Duel enrollment doesn't start until age 16 at our cc--that was half way through ds's junior year. Additionally, dual enrolled students pay full cost per credit hour. The public school offers up to differential equations in math, it offers advanced levels in all core classes, including foreign languages. So, a big factor for us was access to high level advanced academics. I guess sports is a factor for some people, my son participated IN Model UN at the school.

[KrissiK]

Homeschool just wasn't working out for us. He refused to do his work, he bothered his siblings. He also needed to be around kids his own age. He was the oldest on our block and was turning into a real bully and manipulator. So, he's in school this year. Been there three days and it's going well. Very well. And the dynamics at home have changed for the better.

[Cinder]

For us it was because our relationship with our son was suffering. At the time his world was very black & white and compartmentalized. He struggled with me being his "teacher" and his "mom." He seemed to think the teacher part was his antagonist, while the mom part was on his side. But he never sought my or dh's help with his work--I think he was afraid he'd get the teacher and not the mom--and always took it way too personally if we pointed out errors in his work--in a sort of "Mom thinks I'm stupid" kind of way. He never actually came out and said anything like this. It took me at least a year of thinking about how things were between us to figure it out. I reluctantly suggested to dh and ds that it was time for ds to go away to school. He didn't really want to go. And he didn't really enjoy his school years. But it gave us time to restore our relationship. And that was more important to me than homeschooling. We'd always said we'd make the decision to homeschool one year at a time but I fully expected to homeschool all the way. It was difficult for me to hand over the reins to someone else. But in the long run, it was good for all of us.

 

Anyway, here are some other reasons I've seen. I knew one woman who sent her dc to school after her dh died and she had to take over the family business. I know another who sent her dc after her divorce when she needed to go back to school to finish her degree so she could take care of her family. And I know a family that was just done with homeschooling. They struggled with getting their oldest through homeschool high school and were just exhausted afterward. The mom felt her season of homeschooling was over, so the dc were sent to school.

 

Hugs to you and your family as you decide what to do. :grouphug:

[Veritaserum]

I sent my five school-age kids to school this year. The oldest did half of 8th grade and the first part of 9th at the local junior high. They are all at charter schools this year.

 

Reasons (no particular order):

 

1) My oldest is far more productive with an outside schedule and set of teachers.

2) The school the older two attend does tons of field trips and overnight travel. Middle schoolers do a big national trip once per year. High schoolers do a big international trip once per year. I highly value travel experiences. It will be less expensive and easier logistically for them to travel to far away places if they travel with a school group. I do a lot of local field trips, day trips, and road trips in our region of the country, but I cannot feasibly offer cross-country or international travel right now.

3) I have a chronic illness. It wipes me out some days.

4) I have a child with severe mental health issues that currently drain most of my available emotional and parental energy.

5) The kids wanted to go to school to see what it's like and to make more friends.

6) My 6th child is a constant interrupter for any activity we do. It doesn't matter how much attention I give him before we start or how many cool quiet activities I come up with for him to do while I work with someone else. Every lesson of every day that I taught was interrupted multiple times by him.

7) I didn't feel like I was providing the best education possible for each child because of the interruptions, my fatigue, the number of students at a wide spread of ages and abilities, etc.

8) I was burnt out after ten years.

 

I would not hesitate to homeschool in the future if a child needed me to. The younger kids have been in school for a week and things are going well so far. This school has a reputation for being rigorous. The older two had a weird first week (travel for the high schooler, games and team-building for the middle schooler). They start academic classes tomorrow.

[Sneezyone]

1. Quality and cost of available public/private schools.

There are both available here but it would require an unpleasant commute or more expensive (and smaller) home or full-time job for me to pay the tuition. I'm not ideologically wedded to homeschooling and have successfully afterschooled too.

 

2. Flexibility. How much do we have/need?

DD is a competitive gymnast and it takes a lot of time. We can get as much or more schooling done each week, in less time, than the public or private schools and avoid burn out. My kid can have a social life and still practice 16 hrs a week. DHs work schedule is also odd so being free to take trips when he is available is fantastic, especially overseas. If DD quits or DH retires, school would be back on the table.

 

3. Work opportunities for me.

On the flip side, if we are in a location where I can get a great job and further my career and retirement savings goals, I may go that route. I know that I can always make a different choice in the next location.

 

4. Bullying or significant learning or social challenges.

Not something we've had to deal with but is an issue for some.

 

5. Spousal support.

Whatever we choose, we have to agree.

[KungFuPanda]

You are responsible for educating your child. There are several ways to do that and they all have their gaps. There is no perfect education. Unless your local schools are unsafe or substandard, you should not feel guilty for trying them out. If it's not necessary for you to invent this wheel yourself, or if you're not enjoying it, or if your finances are strained because of it, why NOT try school? Homeschooling isn't going anywhere. If school doesn't work out and you want to go back to teaching at home, you CAN.

 

I think our first responsibility is the wellbeing of the family as a whole and nurturing those relationships. If that is reasonably secure, and you have the energy and conviction, THEN you try homeschooling. To avoid any type of formal schooling has NEVER been a goal at my home. My kids were homeschooled K-8. The oldest went to public high school and thrived. The youngest just began 9th grade at home last week. There's no perfect way to go and there can be more than one good path before you.

[abba12]

I am someone who considers homeschooling to be the plan long term. We do not re-evaluate yearly, and a child's desire to 'try' school is irrelevant for us until high-school, when they would need to provide some convincing reasons and show maturity in the decision. I am in a fortunate position where most life-changing events, like death of spouse or disability of a child, would probably not force us into school as my country has a very different social security system and I have relatives on both sides who have homeschooled and strongly support me doing so.

 

Having said that, there's a few situations where school may be considered. 

 

Specialist/Charter high school, like the aviation high school or a school with a unique program, like the schools with major robotics teams or creative arts programs, that helps my childs goals which I cannot replicate at home.

A child who wants to go into a highly skilled field where traditional university entry would give them a better chance (In Australia standard university entry is via OP score, which homeschoolers simply cannot replicate at home in any way. There are many non-traditional entry paths, but for someone wanting to be, say, a doctor or scientist, traditional entry may be the best option)

A child who I was having a true, long term issue with, where homeschooling was seriously damaging our relationship, I'd look at other options before resorting to school (having DH or close homeschooling friend step in and help, giving more independence, possibly hiring a tutor, having them stay with homeschool-supportive family a couple of days a week) but in a worst case scenario I'd rather accept school for that child than lose them emotionally altogether. 

Like I said, a high school aged child who came to me with a reasoned, mature argument for attending school would likely have the option to do so.

 

That's probably about the only circumstances I can think of. Our reasons for homeschooling are not purely academic, they're also about the lifestyle in many ways. It's an entirely different way of growing up, there are so many benefits beyond academics, so while they are important and I consider myself rigorous, seeing a better academic program at school would not necessarily cause me to send the children to school, there's far more to consider than that.

[Pawz4me]

If it was the best choice for the individual child.  For academic, social or other reasons.  Homeschooling is NOT always the best choice for an individual student.

 

If homeschooling was having a detrimental impact on family relationships or financial well being.

 

If the school could provide specialized services that would be difficult or impossible to provide at home.

 

If the student had progressed academically beyond the parents' ability/resources to provide a good education.

 

There are probably more, but those are the ones I can think of right off the top of my head, and w/o reading other replies.  I think there are many valid reasons for not homeschooling.

[kroe1]

My dead body

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm thinking of putting mine back in at high school level, to help with university admissions.  But that's still such a long way off!

 

[Guest]

My dead body

I really hope your death isn't the only thing that would make you consider traditional school.

 

Op, three of my kids are going to school this year for about 157 little reasons. It has been really wonderful. I'll homeschool my 7th grader this year and next and then I'll be done homeschooling.

[Alice]

Main reason for me would be if the child wanted to be in school. 

 

Second reason would be if I felt like it was better for the individual child and that could be for any number of reasons. I'm at the point where I think my middle child would probably be happier in school but he adamantly does not want to go to school outside the home. It's hard because I know he would see us sending him to school as a punishment or as sending him away from the rest of the family. I've talked to him about the possibility of school and only presented it in a very positive light so it's not because of anything we've said to that effect but it's obvious from his response that he would see it as negative just because it would be different from our other kids. He's doing ok at home and behavior isn't an issue so we're sticking with it for this year but it's really a year by year decision. 

[Just Kate]

My kids are starting their third year of private school. I homeschooled my oldest for three years, but my youngest was never homeschooled. I love homeschooling and I still feel like it is the best, but I have to work. I work part-time, but my hours are such that I just couldn't provide good education to two young kids while working. So I found a school that I am happy (enough) with, and that's what we do. :)

[Storygirl]

My three youngest are enrolled in school this year for the first time, though I'm still homeschooling the oldest. It was an agonizing decision.

 

* Two of my children have diagnosed special needs. I found I was not able to give them all of the remediation and support they need while also providing all of the academic instruction each of my four children need. All four of them needed large amounts of one-on-one time from me, and some need outside tutoring and/or therapy. I was stretched too thin and couldn't meet their needs as well as I thought they deserved.

 

* One of my children is resistant to taking instruction from me. This is by far the biggest reason we decided to enter school. Being his teacher was damaging our relationship greatly and dealing with the related behavior issues derailed our day. Every day. This child still resists allowing me to help with homework, but going to school is enabling better learning for him, because he is willing to listen to his teacher. It's heartbreaking.

 

* I was extremely burnt out for a very long time, due to the stress of dealing with these other factors. Although I was willing to keep pouring myself out for their benefit, my well of personal resources -- emotional, spiritual, physical, mental -- was drained, and I could no longer draw on my strengths to power through the difficult times. Every day and every lesson were difficult. I was a mess. School was a struggle and had no joy. It was not beneficial for any of us.

 

I am not averse to going back to homeschooling my youngest children at some point if we decide that it would be better than what the school has to offer them. For now, though, the school is the best choice for our family. It took me years to get to a point of acceptance on sending them to school. We've been struggling through related issues since they were preschool age, so we gave homeschooling a long, hard try. Choosing school was painful and emotional for me, but I know it was the best thing for this year.

[Aiden]

We intend to re-evaluate every year, so it could be any number of reasons--or any combination of small, insignificant on their own reasons--that would cause us to send our daughter to school.

 

One of the things I intend to keep an eye on this year is the social opportunities for my daughter. Up until just a few months ago, she was very quiet and shy and never wanted to leave the house, and although we did go to weekly playgroups, she always clung to me and didn't interact with the other kids. Earlier this summer, everything changed--now she's desperate for other kids to play with (which has been hard with us being in transition this summer, spending time in the U.S. in between overseas posts). If I'm unable to satisfy her social needs in our first year at our new post, we'll consider school for her second year.

 

Another concern I have, that we'll evaluate every year, feels kind of selfish to me. I'm a severe introvert, and I need lots of quiet time alone. That doesn't always fit well with having a homeschooled young child. I think that if I can make it work until she can read independently, I'll be ok--I can send her off to read for an hour or two while I have my own time alone. In the meantime, I make her have quiet play time in her room for an hour or two every day. That worked out ok for me when we were in a house ... right now in a 1BR hotel suite, it's not working so well, but once we get settled in our new home, I'm hoping we'll be able to figure out something that will work.

 

I'm not too worried about it for these early years, but another reason we would send our daughter to school would be if her academic needs were best able to be met there. I'm not confident in my abilities to teach higher level math or science. My husband has said he'll help with that when the time comes, but with his work schedule, I have my doubts. If we discover that our daughter's educational needs aren't being met well at home, she'll go out to school.

 

If I became ill and therefore unable to homeschool, we'd send our daughter to school. If I died, my husband would have to send her to school. If he died, I may be able to stay home with her and keep homeschooling, since we'd have life insurance money and I would move to the area where our extended family lives (a low cost of living area), but I'm not certain--I'd have to run the numbers.

 

I'm not sure what other circumstances would cause us to send her out to school, but as I said, we re-evaluate every year, so I could see us deciding to give her a trial year if she wanted to, or deciding to send her to school for 2 or 3 years if we were at a post with an exceptional school. One school at a former post offered a program each year where kids participated in a week-long service project--some local projects were options, but some were amazing international experiences that we'd never have access to. I could see enrolling her in school for a year when she's older in order to gain access to that type of opportunity. (Heck, I can see me begging for the chance to chaperon such a trip ...)

[ErinE]

Our reasons included:

 

• school offers excellent academic opportunities

• extreme unwillingness to work with parent - school was getting done, but at an emotional cost

• child wanting the opportunity

 

If the school didn't offer excellent academics, we would have found other ways to work with the last two points and continued homeschooling.

 

My kids just started their first day, but they know they can always come home if public school isn't a good fit.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would consider sending DD as long as the school was academically ok ,doesn't have to be great, kid is really good at self educating.  For Ds it would have to be a very small class size with individual instruction, and curriculum made for dyslexics.

[3girls4me]

Thanks everyone!

[3 ladybugs]

We would send our child to public school if DH got an opportunity in his job to do something better and we had to move to somewhere that didn't allow homeschooling. We might also consider it if we came into enough money to send them to one of the prep schools around here where they would be all but guaranteed a place in an Ivy League school.

 

Short of that it would take a lot. The schools around here are not great so it would really have to be a last resort, and that goes for parochial schools too as they are catholic and my children are the result of IVF.

[DragonFaerie]

I haven't read the other posts yet, but I'll answer because both of my kids are going back to school this year.  DD started high school last week, and DS will be starting middle school this week.  The reasons are varied.  DD was craving the social stimulation of being with other kids and having different teachers.  DS really wants to keep homeschooling, but I just can't.  He won't do his work, has a terrible attitude about it, and we are butting heads all day.  He isn't enjoying learning anymore, and that makes me sad.  In addition to that, I'm trying to finish my MA and work, too.  I just can't keep begging him to do his schoolwork any more, and I'm afraid it will end up costing our relationship.  So, he's going back to school.

[gardenmom5]

need for numerous specialists and just can't keep up..  (we have some good schools around here too.)

 

I've a friend who is a teacher (she was a sahm), who didn't homeschool her son because "she wanted to be his advocate - not his opponent".  (he's an aspie, was *very* contrary and difficult.  I had him at my home a lot when he was elementary age. he's now graduated college, and married.  it was good having him so much - dudeling, is unfortunately not that different.)

[Pink and Green Mom]

I haven't read the responses but here is why we sent our older son to school after 5th grade:

 

I could not work with him anymore.

 

Everything was a struggle (spending 3 hours writing one sentence on something we spent the week discussing) and everything was a fight (my husband came home one day and told me I had sent him an email entitled "sigh" or "ugh" or "I cannot stand this" every day for the past week.  By 9 am). 

 

I figured I could be his mom or I could be his teacher, but I couldn't do both.

 

[PeterPan]

My ds has extremely complex SN.  If I had a school within a reasonable distance that could accommodate ALL of them, I would send him in a heartbeat, mainly because the statistics for moms who homeschool extremely complex SN lead toward cancer, burnout, PTSD symptoms, etc.  

 

Life is full of trade-offs.  Our situations have gotten complex enough that I've realized I could make those trade-offs.  I thought for many years there wouldn't be a situation like that, and now I know there can be.

[SebastianCat]

We have always been open to the possibility of public high school, but other than that we've taken it year-by-year, and now that both of my kids are in middle school, I feel pretty strongly about homeschooling at least through middle school because of the negative social aspects of middle school.  

 

It looks like my current 8th grader is leaning towards homeschooling through high school, but we have fabulous options for co-ops, outsourcing classes, and dual enrollment as young as 10th grade.   My current 6th grader says she wants to "try" going to school in high school.   At that age, I give a strong preference for what the child wants, as long as there is maturity with whatever decision is made.    When my kids were in elementary school, "wanting to go to school" was not a valid reason for sending them to school.

 

We would have considered school for many of the reasons given above - death, chronic illness, elder care, to improve the relationship, or if I could no longer handle homeschooling.   I strongly believe that homeschooling is a "season" for many families, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to education.

[DawnM]

My middle child started in a charter school last week.  He is 10th grade.  The reason?  He asked.  He wanted to go.  I have always said that if they wanted to go, we would send them, but we would not send them to the local PS no matter how highly it was rated.  It is just a personal decision.  

[Mimm]

My husband and I said we would let them choose in high school. My daughter made it clear she definitely wanted to go. I enrolled her in eighth grade feeling like she would need a year to adjust. I'm glad I did. Last year was kind of a mix of good and bad, falling mostly on the good.

 

Honestly, I wish I had sent her earlier. I feel like homeschooling damaged our relationship. And I knew it was damaging at the time. But my husband and I disagreed. And I let him have his way. He wanted her to continue to homeschool. He was badly bullied in middle school and calls them the worst years of his life.

 

We have such a hard time getting along. She's so emotional, she lashes out verbally, I let it get to me. She has zero patience when I'm trying to teach her. I can speak in a calm voice, say nothing but encouraging words, willingly explain things over and over without imply by word or tone that she should be understanding this concept by now, but it's never good enough. She gets angry immediately, as soon as we begin. I tried buying more independent curriculum, but she is the type of learner that needs someone there, teaching, explaining. But not me. Anyone but me. The worst parts of last year was trying to help with homework.

 

So, yeah, basically, I sent her because homeschooling was completely unworkable, and because we believe our children should have a say so at some point, and we simply got to that point.

 

My 12 year old and I had a wonderful year last year and she has said repeatedly that she loves homeschooling and currently plans to continue through high school. And my oldest and I are getting along much better. I can even help with homework, a little bit. :) Tonight I was even told that I had a good idea!

[lailasmum]

I would never feel comfortable with mainstream school here (UK) it's such a conveyor belt , the local schools are enormous and there's just no time to catch up if you struggle like my eldest does. If we had some sort of private alternative option that maybe allowed flexi-school or really small groups so it was highly responsive to the needs of the individual and had a really nice community then I'd consider it. There is an alternative school an hour away that's nearly there but it's dropped the ball on the academic side in a lot of ways by just offering the bare minimum which is why I have discounted it.

[Lizzie in Ma]

In our case, we needed to get our youngest away from the constant perils and pitfalls of living with her chronically ill sister.  She needs time to be her own person, away from all this.  It wasn't what any of us wanted or envisioned, but we really believe it is for the best.  We helped her choose and she got into the local vocational high school, it seems like a good fit for her, it is highly competitive to get in, they have honors, AP and dual credit and she will learn a vocation (she has yet to choose) which, for her, is perfect, she has wanted to work as long as I can remember.  I am praying it goes well.  I am going to miss her terribly.

[AngelaNYC]

My criteria for sending my kids to school was 1, if they really wanted to go and 2, if they could attend the best schools in the city (based on their interests).  Dd1 loved writing and wanted to be a journalist, so I found a top-rated journalism-focused high school 15 minutes away.  Dd2 wanted to go to a performing arts high school, so she auditioned and was accepted to the best public perf. arts high school in the country.  Elementary and middle school would have been more of a challenge because the better schools in my area are not in my zone, based on a lottery, or very expensive.  

[Katy]

Our kids would go into schools if we had a private school (that we could afford!) nearby that would give them a more challenging curriculum than we could give them at home.

 

I've thought about going back for a graduate degree in education and opening a private school, but decided we move too frequently for DH's work to really make a go at something like that.

 

One of our nephews is definitely better off in his private school.  He's too young to be sure of ADHD, but we think he has that as well as being too social and too athletic to do as well at home.  He also does best with a very scheduled routine and seems happier with less flexibility the way he has at school.