Scary Feeling/Trusting your instincts

[inmyopinion]

Has this every happened to you?  

 

Those who have read "The Gift of Fear" will understand this: The kids and I were shopping today and this guy kept walking around the area we were in, which was all ladies accessories. Average looking guy, seemed pleasant enough, said nothing to us but after the third time he came around I got the scariest feeling I ever have had in my life, and I have interviewed inmates at a women's prison so that is saying something! We left briskly from that area and I was trying to convince myself I was overreacting BUT I remembered that book and the point that I had picked up on something and the fear I felt was proof of that. I went as far as calling my husband to come and meet us (he works within 5 minutes of where we were), and I am thankful that he came as he knows I have NEVER done that before. 

 

We were all fine and I am sure we were never in danger,  It is fully possible that the guy was not up to anything at all but that feeling was so real.  Intellectually, I felt foolish for calling my husband and I did alert the store security but was clear that he had done nothing wrong.  They probably thought I was crazy but I felt it was better to overreact and be wrong then to do nothing.  

 

 

From the Book: Gavin says that "eerie feeling" is exactly what he wants women to pay attention to. "We're trying to analyze the warning signs," he says. "And what I really want to teach today and forever is the feeling is the warning sign. All the other stuff is our explanation for the feeling. Why it was this, why it was that. The feeling itself is the warning sign."

 

[MooCow]

Don't feel foolish. It defeats the whole purpose of the gift of fear.

 

Just be thankful for it, and try not to dwell on your experience. I would drive myself crazy trying to analyze it.

 

PS the gift of fear is the book I give to the ladies in my life the summer before they start college.

[Aiden]

I've never had that feeling that severely, but I have had it. I always pay attention to it. Sometimes it's difficult because I usually live cross culturally, so things that set off my alarms may be completely normal in that culture, but still, I pay attention until I can get a better sense of what's triggering it.

 

That said, even if I had the feeling very strongly in a culture with which I was totally familiar, I wouldn't report someone to any authorities on the basis of the feeling alone. I wouldn't report unless I had something on which to base it that I knew would be meaningful to those authorities; otherwise, they wouldn't investigate and they may discount me if I reported something more substantive later.

[Cottonwood]

Never feel foolish.  I'm teaching both my kids to ALWAYS pay attention to that feeling, no matter what.  I was in my 30's before I learned to completely trust it.  Before that, it did help me out of situations, but now, I full-on act on it.  I teach mine never to analyze it.   We aren't fearful people in general and they understand every situation is different so their level or re-activeness will be different each time but in any case...it's there for a REASON.  USE IT.  

 

You may never know what gave you that feeling.  It may have not been about THAT man, but something else in your vicinity.  Glad you got outta there though. 

[Anne in CA]

Honestly, I have been sorry whenever I have ignored that feeling, so good for you!

[marbel]

I have had similar feelings.  Sounds like you did the right thing by leaving quickly.

 

Wonder what you told security though?   What did you want them to do?   (Hope this does not sound like I'm picking on you.  I don't mean to be.  I'm just curious about that part.)

 

Glad it all worked out.  Now try to relax!  As a pp said, you won't know what triggered the feeling.  Just be glad you acted and are out of the situation.

[fraidycat]

Good on you for trusting your instincts. Do not feel bad about it, and you'll probably never know what, why, how exactly your feeling was triggered - for that you should be grateful. Better to not know than kick yourself in hindsight.

 

I also see nothing wrong with reporting suspicious behavior to store security. They don't have to do anything with the info, but just like your leaving the situation it's better for them to have the info than not.

[Farrar]

I've had that feeling a few times in my life - maybe not quite as acutely as you say, but I've definitely experienced it and listened to it. And, especially in a situation like that where listening to your gut is simple and straightforward and doesn't negatively impact you or anyone else, it seems like a no brainer. I don't need to be here anymore and I'm going to leave.

 

However, I also try to keep in mind that it's good to balance it with remembering that the world I live in is basically safe and that if I keep to a public place I'm likely not really in danger. And that I have the right to do the things I want to do. If anyone I knew described feeling that gut instinct often I'd definitely tell them to seek help for anxiety, not to listen to their instincts.

[inmyopinion]

I have had similar feelings.  Sounds like you did the right thing by leaving quickly.

 

Wonder what you told security though?   What did you want them to do?   (Hope this does not sound like I'm picking on you.  I don't mean to be.  I'm just curious about that part.)

 

Glad it all worked out.  Now try to relax!  As a pp said, you won't know what triggered the feeling.  Just be glad you acted and are out of the situation.

 

Understandable question.  I told them basically what I said here, and added that the man did nothing actionable and that I did not expect them to do anything but felt so strongly that I would be remiss to say anything.  

I struggled with this part of it, and I realize how it sounds (some guy did nothing but walk around your store but I feel funny, so go get him) but I felt that strongly.  

I am actually a pretty sane person and I was very clear that I have never done this before.  They were all very understanding, and said they would just walk through the area.  I was actually surprised that they did not look at me funny.  

I guess that is kinda my point, intellectually I know how this sounds but I could not shake it.  I would rather risk looking silly then do nothing and find out it was nothing.   

[inmyopinion]

I've had that feeling a few times in my life - maybe not quite as acutely as you say, but I've definitely experienced it and listened to it. And, especially in a situation like that where listening to your gut is simple and straightforward and doesn't negatively impact you or anyone else, it seems like a no brainer. I don't need to be here anymore and I'm going to leave.

 

However, I also try to keep in mind that it's good to balance it with remembering that the world I live in is basically safe and that if I keep to a public place I'm likely not really in danger. And that I have the right to do the things I want to do. If anyone I knew described feeling that gut instinct often I'd definitely tell them to seek help for anxiety, not to listen to their instincts.

I think what really sealed it for me is that I do not ever remember feeling this strongly before and I end up in discussions with strangers all of the time.  And I knew we were not in danger per say, but that is what was also troublesome.  Dark Alley, Dead of night- scary makes sense.  Larger Superstore with tons of people, not so scary.  

[SKL]

Respect your instincts.

[regentrude]

I learned that my "instincts" are not reliable at all, ever since I finally figured out that the strong sense of impending doom and danger for me is always a product of PMS.

[myfunnybunch]

I had that feeling once, in a fabric store. A man kept appearing, browsing, in whichever aisle I was in. So weird. I had an uneasy watchful feeling from the first time I saw him 

 

Maybe he was shopping for the same stuff I was shopping for, even though he wasn't carrying any merchandise. Maybe he was just browsing and coincidentally ended up where I was shopping. Maybe he was a security guy who was following me because of my odd shopping pattern; I had forgotten my list, so I was kind of wandering, hoping something would catch my eye and trigger my memory, and had to go backwards when I remembered a couple things I'd already passed by.

 

But I was SO uneasy, to the point that I felt genuinely alarmed when I purposely backtracked and he ended up in my aisle again. I just gave it up, chatted at with the checker at the checkout until the person checking out next to me headed toward the door, and struck up a "nice weather, what are you making?" conversation with her as we went out into the parking lot.

 

He was standing outside the fabric store as I drove out of the parking lot. Creepy.

 

I talk to strangers all the time too. But this guy set off some serious alarms. Had never happened to me before; has never happened since.

[albeto.]

I learned that my "instincts" are not reliable at all, ever since I finally figured out that the strong sense of impending doom and danger for me is always a product of PMS.

 

Heh, me too.   ^_^

 

Regardless of the unsupportable claims of various forms of precognition, people still believe it. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precognition

[Χά�ων]

Honestly, I have been sorry whenever I have ignored that feeling, so good for you!

This. 

 

I am almost never wrong. I may not be able to explain why I have that feeling right away but in hindsight I am able to look back and examine the person and situation and pinpoint the subtle warning signs. 

[.Michelle.]

Precognition?  I would say, maybe, unconscious perception.  I don't think anybody here is thinking they're psychics?

[Joyofsixreboot]

I always go with my gut. I figure my subconscious is working even if I'm not paying attention.

[albeto.]

Precognition?  I would say, maybe, unconscious perception.  I don't think anybody here is thinking they're psychics?

 

What is the perception of, if not a terrible event that will happen [unless the person with the precognitive "sense" changes actions, like the OP's example]?

 

ETA: although the pp's comment about making subconscious equations works, too. I assumed the OP was talking about precognition, not the brain's ability to make calculations quickly, without our full awareness of it. That'll teach me to assume.   :closedeyes:

[Χά�ων]

Heh, me too.   ^_^

 

Regardless of the unsupportable claims of various forms of precognition, people still believe it. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precognition

Interesting. I have do not like to call it precognition and I do not believe it is any extra sensory anything. I have found that when I am in the situation there is so much I am taking in and I am usually more distracted that I do not pay as much attention to the more subtle behaviors and body language that in another, usually less busy, situation I would have recognized immediately as a red flag. It is behavior in others I observe and take in, but am not mentally processing through at that moment. Sometimes it is several small things over a longer period of time that lead up to the light bulb moment in hindsight. 

[amsunshine]

I don't think it's so much "precognition" in the ESP kind of sense.  I do think that women, in general, are conditioned/taught to ignore their feelings from a young age.  (i.e., "be nice"; "smile"; "give uncle so and so a hug", etc.)  This can lead to trouble because predators typically take advantage of that.  So, I think it's healthy for women to pay attention to their feelings about a situation/other people and respond appropriately.  I haven't read "The Gift of Fear" in a long time, but I remember that is kind of what the author was talking about.  Sometimes, yes, an instinct may be all wrong.  But many times, it is right.  It's not something women can always explain because we are so conditioned to ignore subtle clues that provide warning signs.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I had that happen to me in a mall once. I was with my grandmother, who was taking slow feeble steps. A man kept following us and my senses just went into overdrive with the hair on the back of my neck standing up.  I could see him out of the corner of my eye.  He was very scruffy and looked out of place in the upscale shopping mall we were in.  We went into one store and he followed us in and out.  We were walking out and I grabbed my grandmother and yanked her into the next store and made eye contact with this guy just as he was within inches and he ran away.  Security was called and he was found running through the mall with some other old lady's purse.

 

I think I only had that feeling one other time.  While on vacation as a 12 year old, this 20 or 30 something year old man kept trying to chat up my younger sister and I.  I probably told him my Dad was there on a business trip and that my parents were going to a dinner that night  (said parents were busy socializing around the pool with business associates while their daughters are chatting up strange men).  He asked us what room we were in and I remember telling him.  He called us on the phone that night.  Our curtains were closed and he asked us to open them and stand at the window. It was really creepy to me all of a sudden, and I remember feeling very uneasy about it but nothing ever happened because I remember pretending to be talking to my dad and this guy immediately hung up.  Gosh, I hadn't thought about that since then, and it was 1982.  LOL.

 

I, too, often get these feelings of impending dread or doom.  But these times were completely different than that. 

[Χά�ων]

What is the perception of, if not a terrible event that will happen [unless the person with the precognitive "sense" changes actions, like the OP's example]?

 

ETA: although the pp's comment about making subconscious equations works, too. I assumed the OP was talking about precognition, not the brain's ability to make calculations quickly, without our full awareness of it. That'll teach me to assume.   :closedeyes:

It is an easy thing to assume. I assumed the other. ;)

[Catherine]

What is the perception of, if not a terrible event that will happen [unless the person with the precognitive "sense" changes actions, like the OP's example]?

 

ETA: although the pp's comment about making subconscious equations works, too. I assumed the OP was talking about precognition, not the brain's ability to make calculations quickly, without our full awareness of it. That'll teach me to assume.   :closedeyes:

I assume that the OP is talking not about ESP, which is my understanding of the term "precognition".  If I understand the book correctly, the author has pointed out that we should trust our feeling of mistrust of people who follow us, or lurk nearby without any clear purposefulness behind their actions, or even basically set off our inner "creep sensor".  

 

It's a difficult situation, because studies have also confirmed that even well-intentioned people are irrationally biased-in fact even African-Americans have measurable bias against other African-Americans.  So trusting one's gut is something that can potentially lead us to mistrust perfectly harmless people who are no threat at all.  OTOH, my creep sensor has been completely right, scarily so, in at least one situation so I do believe that Gavin deBecker is right.  

[Catwoman]

I think what really sealed it for me is that I do not ever remember feeling this strongly before and I end up in discussions with strangers all of the time. And I knew we were not in danger per say, but that is what was also troublesome. Dark Alley, Dead of night- scary makes sense. Larger Superstore with tons of people, not so scary.

Superstore or not, had your dh not come and met you, the guy could have very easily followed you out to your car.

 

I think you did the right thing all around, from noticing that there was something creepy about the guy, to calling your dh to come and meet you. When you get a strong feeling like that, it's not worth taking any chances. Better to wonder later if you were being foolish, than to wish you had listened to your instincts after something bad happened.

[kewb]

Never feel foolish for listening to your gut. Better a moments foolishness then having something actually happen.

I read that book and have taught my kids to trust their gut.

[merry gardens]

I call that my "Creep Alarm". Pay close attention when your creep alarm is going off. I wouldn't call it "fear" because I don't feel afraid per se. It's an inner knowledge to be careful and find a safe place.

[myfunnybunch]

I don't think anyone is claiming psychic abilities. This is a case of having a feeling of uneasiness about another person who actually exists within one's present perception.

 

Even if one cannot identify or describe what triggered those feelings, it's not fair or reasonable to dismiss them as feelings of impending doom or belief in psychic powers. They are based on something that is observable in the present. For example, in the case of my observation about the man in the fabric store, the lack of merchandise even though he was carrying a basket, the fact that he was always browsing on the opposite end of the aisle I was in and was just touching the merchandise as though he was looking for something but not making selections, the way he reacted, startled, when an other shopper went past him...those were all things that I didn't really process until I was home telling my husband about him and he asked me why I thought the man was odd. Still not enough to assume ill intent, but odd enough to wonder if something is amiss. (ETA: And though the things I did notice don't add up to evil intent, I actually felt much more strongly than "something amiss." Obviously, since I made sure not to exit alone.)

[Paige]

I am generally so terribly unobservant and oblivious to any potential creeps or really anyone around me that when my creep alarm actually goes off I take it seriously. When I was younger, seriously meant I was extra observant and nervous and watchful but went about my business. Now that I'm older, it means I get out of the area quickly and carefully. 

[inmyopinion]

Gavin de Becker describes intuition as a very fast cognitive process that skips steps so you don't know how you arrived at the resulting feeling, or something like that. It's not an extra-scientific or psychic thing. It can certainly make wrong conclusions, but it's real and sometimes life-saving, so paying attention to it makes sense. 

 

Reading his books is worthwhile. 

This was my thought on the matter,  intuition not physic abilities (although I could use that from time to time).  

Like after the fact, (over)analyzing it, he was in an area with limited traffic flow, not an area set up to cut through, he neither had a basket or anything in his hands, he did not seem purposeful in his actions (not shopping, looking for something, going somewhere) and there were two young girls in the area. Now, this still could amount to nothing, but I did not weigh these factors and then get the feeling, I got the feeling and then later thought through the factors.  

[inmyopinion]

I don't think anyone is claiming psychic abilities. This is a case of having a feeling of uneasiness about another person who actually exists within one's present perception.

 

Even if one cannot identify or describe what triggered those feelings, it's not fair or reasonable to dismiss them as feelings of impending doom or belief in psychic powers. They are based on something that is observable in the present. For example, in the case of my observation about the man in the fabric store, the lack of merchandise even though he was carrying a basket, the fact that he was always browsing on the opposite end of the aisle I was in and was just touching the merchandise as though he was looking for something but not making selections, the way he reacted, startled, when an other shopper went past him...those were all things that I didn't really process until I was home telling my husband about him and he asked me why I thought the man was odd. Still not enough to assume ill intent, but odd enough to wonder if something is amiss. (ETA: And though the things I did notice don't add up to evil intent, I actually felt much more strongly than "something amiss." Obviously, since I made sure not to exit alone.)

YES!!!  

[Word Nerd]

Heh, me too.   ^_^

 

Regardless of the unsupportable claims of various forms of precognition, people still believe it. 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precognition

 

It's not precognition being discussed, so that isn't relevant.

[Lovingparent]

I don't think you overreacted. I am all about the unconscious preception. I know sometimes my brain sends me signals based on situations or other people's body language and I always follow them. They have not stirred me wrong so far. This last winter, I was at the mall. Same situation, a male at a woman's store, could have been anything, but somehow he talked to me and my creep senses spiked. I left the store and there you have it, the guy followed me around. I went into another store and got into the parking lot from the back door. As I was driving away, I made fun of myself for being so spooked, when I see the guy coming running out of the same door, RUNNING! and looking around. I just about peed my pants. I ducked so he could not see me and I am still feeling the creepy feeling. He was a big burly guy, I don't even want to imagine what he could do.

This is the second time my instincts helped me get out of a weird situation. Better safe than sorry!

[Annie G]

Store or mall security will walk you to your car if you are concerned- really, they won't mind.  Lovingparent, I hope if you're ever in that situation again you will find someone to walk with you.  Your story is terrifying. 

 

Even Walmart or Target will get someone to go with you if you ask. 

[Liz CA]

Better safe than sorry. Nothing wrong with what you did and Mr. De Becker would be proud of you.  :)

[BigMamaBird]

When I get that feeling I listen to it!

 

We are constantly sending and receiving messages with our body language without thinking about it.  He may have been completely harmless or you may have been subconsciously picking up menacing body signals from him.  Either way, listen to that feeling.

[creekland]

I probably need more of this.  

 

Back in the early 90s there was an office shooting in Tampa, FL.  Hubby was working in that area and called me to let me know they didn't have the guy yet.  That keyed up my worry factor, so I did what I always tend to do with worry.  I packed up my young son (stroller age) and went to the park.  We were across the bay from all of what was going on, after all.

 

On our walk we passed by a guy I saw in a suit sitting on a picnic table looking distressed.  I felt badly for him and thought about talking with him, but opted against it due to having my youngster and not necessarily wanting to get involved, etc.

 

Yes, he was the shooter.  Shortly after we passed him he committed suicide in that park in front of another mother and kids.

 

In hindsight it seemed so obvious, but so much for my fear factor.   :glare:

 

The few times I have been fearful it's either been due to a cause I know or nothing in spite of my worry when all is said and done.  I've kind of learned NOT to trust my feelings, but in a one on one situation where I didn't feel comfortable, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

[gardenmom5]

ime: "the gut" also applies to other things - sometimes warnings to "do ___" that simply make our lives easier.  (or someone else's).

 

last week dh did all the normal things he does to the car before a car trip - whether it's 100 miles or 1200 miles.  the one thing he has NEVER done before, but did this time, was fill the full-sized spare with air.  (which is good - as it only had 20 psi)  I did want to ask him "Does this mean I'm going to have a flat?" - but didn't say anything other than "thank you".  (dh stayed home with dudeling)  

 

after driving for seven+ hours, and as we pulled off the freeway into the town that was our destination - I even thought, oh good, we're almost there and no flat. literally within a minute (two at most), there were increasing odd sounds, and 1ds (who was driving) said he thought we had a flat.  it's road construction season and the off-ramp and overpass were torn up.  he pulled over as soon as he could (no shoulder) and we changed the tire and got to the reception that had already started and we probably would have missed had the spare remained low psi.

the next day we got to deal with getting a new tire when we had time instead of that night when we didn't.  (kudos for road hazard replacement warranties.)

 

OP - you did everything right.  even alerting security so they can be aware there is something odd, even if nothing comes of it.  (hopefully).

I grew up with the "ignore how you feel, and be polite/what's-expected/what you're told".  I'm amazed nothing worse ever happened than when I was a teen the flasher following me in his car while I was walking dogs.  If it'd known about listening to creepy feelings - I'd have been out of there much sooner.

[Only me]

I had that same feeling once about a lady in a Walmart. She kept on appearing in every aisle I was in. A few times she got very close to me but didn't say anything. . I was able to lose her in the store and kept a close eye in the parking lot. I even told my husband that I had a very uneasy feeling about Her.

 

A few hours later I was watching the news and she was on it! She had robbed someone of their purse a little while after I left and actually assaulted the lady in the parking lot.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Leaving the area? Fine.

Calling your husband? Fine.

Reporting someone for simply being in the same area of the store because you had a "feeling"? Sorry but that is a bit obnoxious.

[MinivanMom]

The Gift of Fear has numerous stories about people who "didn't know what triggered their intuition", yet when they spoke about what happened later, they could absolutely recall what it was: stuff like fear on the face of the shop clerk and a guy wearing a winter coat in summer signaled the person that a robbery may be happening. These situations were too immediate for the brain to consciously process all those signals, yet the brain enabled the person to feel fear.

 

This is what I've always understood the whole idea of "intuition" to be. We are picking up on warning signs subconsciously.

 

One night last Christmas, I was picking up a few things at a shady Wal-Mart near downtown after dropping dd off at a dance performance. I got into my car and felt this rush of fear, just a strong feeling that I needed to lock the car doors. I never lock my car door normally, and I'm normally very comfortable in all neighborhoods, but I immediately locked the doors. I bent over to set down my purse and bags on the floorboard in front of the passenger seat, and when I sat back up there was a man pressed up against my window rattling the door handle! I about jumped out of my skin! When the door didn't open, he knocked on my window and asked for money. I shook my head and started the car, which caused him to step back. I immediately pulled straight through the empty space in front of me and got out of there, but I was really startled by it.

 

Afterward, I realized that I had seen the man, who appeared to be homeless, as I was walking to my car. He was talking to a man in a car through the open driver's side door. I saw it out of the corner of my eye, but didn't really process it or think about it consciously. It was only afterwards that I remembered what I had seen and realized that was probably the reason for my fear and for the instinct to lock the door. Subconsciously, my brain saw the odd circumstance (homeless looking gentleman holding the driver's side door open as he spoke to a man sitting inside the car) and processed it into, "Lock your car doors!"

[Supertechmom]

I've had a feeling before. And called security on the dude. He was arrested as he turned out to be a kidnapper. He had been stalking me and the Littles in a mall. Nothing obvious but enough that I knew he was following me. Once I sounded the alarm, he left me alone but was later found trying to get a little boy to go off with him. Had I not alerted security, no one would have known to watch out for him

[catz]

Just today, the kids and I were in an urban area, getting in our street meter parked vehicle and this guy was walking down the street.  We had lots of gear.  The minute I got in, he stopped by our vehicle and just had a look.  I locked the doors and pulled out immediately.  Usually it takes us a minute or 2 to arrange all our gear and buckle up, but I didn't wait.  There was something about that guy.  It seemed like he was skulking around and he was very dirty.  My dd said, wow, he was scary looking.  It led to a good conversation about instincts.

 

I don't have huge fears during the day in a populated area.  I wouldn't have thought about calling my DH or police or anything like that without seeing something unlawful happen.  But I had no problem making a quick call to get the heck out of dodge and getting our doors locked. 

[Um_2_4]

This happened to me in Target. I was alone (pg with #1) and the store was quite (mid week and early morning). Same guy kept popping up in my aisles (home goods). He was on the opposite end if that makes sense. Obviously not shopping, following me from aisle to aisle. I even stopped on an end cap hoping I was wrong and he would pass by, but he came down the aisle and peered out obviously looking for me (or someone) and was startled to see me stopped at the end cap and looking at towels. I immediately found an associate and security walked me to checkout and to my car to make sure I was not followed.

[madteaparty]

I fear everything, my challenge is to keep moving despite the fears.

[msrift]

I've only been really, truly freaked once in my life.

I was treating ds3 (the slowest, pickiest eater in the universe) to a meal at Dairy Queen after a dr appt. We had been there a while and I got up to get a napkin, just on the other side of our booth. A man in a construction safety vest came up to me and told me that another man had been eyeing ds 'like he was a piece of meat' and he offered to walk us to our car. I said we were fine and sat back down. He was not happy I turned down his offer of help. 

I sat there freaking. I hadn't noticed anything weird from this second man. Was my sensor off? Was he out to get ds? Was the first man just an overracting good samaritan or was he the one out to get us? I ran through all of my options while ds took forever to finish his food. Eventually both men in question left the restaurant. I weighed my options. It was the middle of the day. I could clearly see my car, roughly 10 feet from the door, and there weren't any cars anywhere near it. I considered calling dh but didn't. Even so, I hustled ds out to the car, threw him in the driver's seat, then locked the doors and buckled him up from inside the car. 

My heart still races whenever I think about it. I often wished I could see the script for that day and see what really was going on.

[Annie G]

I've only been really, truly freaked once in my life.

 

I was treating ds3 (the slowest, pickiest eater in the universe) to a meal at Dairy Queen after a dr appt. We had been there a while and I got up to get a napkin, just on the other side of our booth. A man in a construction safety vest came up to me and told me that another man had been eyeing ds 'like he was a piece of meat' and he offered to walk us to our car. I said we were fine and sat back down. He was not happy I turned down his offer of help. 

 

I sat there freaking. I hadn't noticed anything weird from this second man. Was my sensor off? Was he out to get ds? Was the first man just an overracting good samaritan or was he the one out to get us? I ran through all of my options while ds took forever to finish his food. Eventually both men in question left the restaurant. I weighed my options. It was the middle of the day. I could clearly see my car, roughly 10 feet from the door, and there weren't any cars anywhere near it. I considered calling dh but didn't. Even so, I hustled ds out to the car, threw him in the driver's seat, then locked the doors and buckled him up from inside the car. 

 

My heart still races whenever I think about it. I often wished I could see the script for that day and see what really was going on.

 

See, there's a part of me who worries that the construction guy could have been the perp. Offering to walk you to the car and then snatching you or something.  

 

Then again, dh missed a lot by being at work so much when our kids were little and now our grandkids live 800 miles away. He loves little kids. So he's the guy in line at Walmart who will smile or wave at the little kid in the cart in line ahead of us.  It's kind of sad that a guy can't even do that without being considered creepy.  I'm guessing that when I'm with him he is seen as less creepy than if he was there by himself. 

[Garga]

Guys! Listen to this story, just listen!

 

So. My mom lived in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Population about 6,000. There is one stop light in the entire county. Two hour drive to the nearest mall. She had a job in the kichen of the local diner. She was in her 50s.

 

The diner owners had a friend named Roy. My mother always got a super creepy feeling about Roy but everyone else seemed to think he was fine.

 

One day Roy was visiting his friends in the diner and my mom's shift was over. My dad usually picked her up, but he was running late. Since the town was tiny, she started walking home. Roy said, "I'll give you a ride."

 

She said, "No, thank you," because Roy was creepy.

 

Roy said again, "No, it's no problem. I can give you a ride." The diner friends said, "It's ok. Roy can give you a ride home."

 

She says again, "No that's ok." BUT THEN SHE RELENTED because the other people were saying it was ok. She thought, "Oh, I'm just overreacting."

 

So she got in the car. Roy took her home. And when she got home she said, "I'm sorry Roy, for being strange back there. I'm from Baltimore and you learn to be a little cautious in a big city."

 

Roy was gracious and said it was ok, he understood.

 

A week later, a mere week later, a vicious serial killer was caught in the next town over. This guy: David Parker Ray http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray (Careful, it's disturbing stuff. He would torture the victims. I think the wiki site is pretty tame, but some sites go into more details and it's disturbing.)

 

And no, the serial killer wasn't Roy, the diner owner's friend. But guess what? Roy was David Parker Ray's accomplice and admitted to murdering at least one woman under the tutelage of David Parker Ray. He was part of a ring of killers that David Parker Ray had set up.

 

So...no matter who around you says, "Oh, it's ok," if you don't feel that it's ok, stick to your guns. I'm so glad that nothing happened to my mom. Probably because everyone would have said to the police if she went missing, "We last saw her with Roy." My mom never said what it was that made her feel so creepy around Roy, but there must have been tells that set off alarms.

 

Any my mom (who has a great sense of humor) goes on and on joking about how she can't believe she appologized to a KILLER for not wanting to get into his car.

 

(Roy's full name is Dennis Roy Yancy.)

[Alicia64]

I had that feeling once. I was at a park and my husband wasn't too far away, but far enough. And something w/ a guy just felt very, very off. I wanted to run out of there, but I also wanted to play it cool and inch away.

 

Remember some of the worst guys looked normal and handsome and "everyday." They don't have horns or a tail.

 

I say trust your gut.

 

Alley

[Danestress]

I think listening to your 'gut' is a good instinct. But people have deceptive 'guts.' I have a friend who was terrorized in the highway by a guy who felt - in his gut - and absolutely believed that my friend was abducting the girl with him. In truth, the girl was his daughter who he was driving home from from a normal activity. The guy rammed my friend's car 11 times, and by the time it ended, half the cops in the city were called in and his daughter is still deeply traumatized. The guy was just delusional. So I guess some people should not listen to their guts.

 

But in your case, if your gut was deceptive, no one was harmed -so better safe than sorry. The guy probably never knew you felt suspicious, you got out safely, no harm, no foul.

 

De Gavin heled me recognize that our fear of being impolite puts us at risk. Telling a man who tries to edge in on you and your children, "Please leave us alone. You are making me uncomfortable," might seem rude and hurt feelings, but that isn't the worst thing. It's okay to choose to be assertive even if it seems unkind.

And I find it liberating to remember that. I was raised to think that being nice is the absolute most essential thing for a girl - and that is just not right.

 

But even so, I don't believe our guts are right and our instincts reliable. Sometimes we have to rise above our guts. We have phobias of innocent spiders, and not of guns. Ted Bundy apparently seemed very safe to women, but young black men get reported as suspicious (or worse) just for walking down the steet. Graveyards give some people the creeps, but we love the sun, which can kills us over time.

 

So I guess I feel compelled to argue that our 'guts' aren't always reliable, but I also see no reason to stay somewhere you feel nervous.

[amsunshine]

Guys! Listen to this story, just listen!

 

So. My mom lived in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. Population about 6,000. There is one stop light in the entire county. Two hour drive to the nearest mall. She had a job in the kichen of the local diner. She was in her 50s.

 

The diner owners had a friend named Roy. My mother always got a super creepy feeling about Roy but everyone else seemed to think he was fine.

 

One day Roy was visiting his friends in the diner and my mom's shift was over. My dad usually picked her up, but he was running late. Since the town was tiny, she started walking home. Roy said, "I'll give you a ride."

 

She said, "No, thank you," because Roy was creepy.

 

Roy said again, "No, it's no problem. I can give you a ride." The diner friends said, "It's ok. Roy can give you a ride home."

 

She says again, "No that's ok." BUT THEN SHE RELENTED because the other people were saying it was ok. She thought, "Oh, I'm just overreacting."

 

So she got in the car. Roy took her home. And when she got home she said, "I'm sorry Roy, for being strange back there. I'm from Baltimore and you learn to be a little cautious in a big city."

 

Roy was gracious and said it was ok, he understood.

 

A week later, a mere week later, a vicious serial killer was caught in the next town over. This guy: David Parker Ray http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray (Careful, it's disturbing stuff. He would torture the victims. I think the wiki site is pretty tame, but some sites go into more details and it's disturbing.)

 

And no, the serial killer wasn't Roy, the diner owner's friend. But guess what? Roy was David Parker Ray's accomplice and admitted to murdering at least one woman under the tutelage of David Parker Ray. He was part of a ring of killers that David Parker Ray had set up.

 

So...no matter who around you says, "Oh, it's ok," if you don't feel that it's ok, stick to your guns. I'm so glad that nothing happened to my mom. Probably because everyone would have said to the police if she went missing, "We last saw her with Roy." My mom never said what it was that made her feel so creepy around Roy, but there must have been tells that set off alarms.

 

Any my mom (who has a great sense of humor) goes on and on joking about how she can't believe she appologized to a KILLER for not wanting to get into his car.

 

(Roy's full name is Dennis Roy Yancy.)

 

Yep.  It's not wise to ignore one's instincts.