Will I ruin my kid's life by homeschooling for high school and other questions?

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I am seriously considering pulling my kid out of a pressure cooker of a school for highschool. I am worried that I will ruin his chances for college and also ruin his chances to grow socially since social things don't come naturally to him. he has been pretty much successful navigating this school for 5th, 6th, and 7th grade for the most part. He has been exposed to all sorts of kids and all different teachers for every class. He does talk with some kids but still does not really have any friends outside of school. He does participate in extra-curricular activities at school almost every day. Recently he has had some anxiety attacks at school related to some of the unruliness of the kids which is still very mild compared to what I experienced as a kid. There are a lot of other geeky smart kids at his school too. he does spend way too much time on homework since the school has an accelerated program.

 

 

Any thoughts? Any success stories? What would you do?

[regentrude]

For success stories, you should check out the annual College Acceptrance thread on the college board on this forum.

Each year, homeschooled students are admitted to colleges of all calibers, even extremely selective top tier ones.

 

My personal success story: DD was homeschooled since 6th grade, got admitted to six universities, and is doing very well as a first year student at University of Chicago.

 

So, you will not ruin your child's life. Whether homeschooling is the best choice for YOUR student in YOUR particular situation, I can not say.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

Don't get me wrong. I do not think kids needs to experience bullying to be strong or to grow. In fact, I think excessive bullying can be detrimental and I would wholeheartedly recommend pulling a kid out of school for that or any other very negative social experiences. So far I don't think my kid  has experienced that. I do worry about him not getting the experiences of navigating somewhat difficult social experiences. FTR he had some of the signs of AS but clearly not all or even the majority of them when he was assessed when he was younger. He also is a very smart kid which can mimic AS and reminds me of the difficulties I had socially when I was young.

 

I appreciate any insight.

[OneStepAtATime]

What regentrude said.  :)

 

Can you contact any local homeschooling groups and see if there are some groups he could join that also homeschool for High School?  For example, DD is part of two different homeschool co-op based Student Councils and has had some great experiences through those.  She is only 8th grade but has already been nominated to run for an office for 9th.  She is also making friends, albeit not close ones yet.

[OneStepAtATime]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

Don't get me wrong. I do not think kids needs to experience bullying to be strong or to grow. In fact, I think excessive bullying can be detrimental and I would wholeheartedly recommend pulling a kid out of school for that or any other very negative social experiences. So far I don't think my kid  has experienced that. I do worry about him not getting the experiences of navigating somewhat difficult social experiences. FTR he had some of the signs of AS but clearly not all or even the majority of them when he was assessed when he was younger. He also is a very smart kid which can mimic AS and reminds me of the difficulties I had socially when I was young.

 

I appreciate any insight.

FWIW, my strongest social experiences in High School were not in High School.  They were with neighborhood kids and kids I met in class but had access to after school.  The kids I only saw in school were not close to me at all.  And the drugs and bullying I saw were not exactly great social experiences.  Also, I now realize that being only with same age peers actually hindered me a bit when I first went into the work force.  I did not appreciate the knowledge base or even social opportunities I had access to in the older people who had been in the business a long time or the mentoring opportunities I could have done for the up and coming.  

 

If your child is having trouble learning to make friends and interact then homeschooling actually may be a much better fit.  Why?  Because you can control the environment better and give him time to learn HOW to navigate these waters.  Also, he may have a better chance of making friends with people who are a better match without peer pressure from the masses preventing such a friendship from forming in the first place.

 

Contact local homeschooling groups, if there are any.  See what might be offered for High Schoolers.  Plan on setting up some sort of consistent group activity where maybe social skills are also targeted (say maybe do a study skills group class for a few weeks but also quietly work on social skills on the side).

[regentrude]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

I see no necessity to learn to deal with the social atmosphere at school.

Assuming you don't plan to chain him to a desk, he can have plenty of opportunties to interact with other young people, even some that may, at times, be annoying, in a variety of situations, and he can develop his social skills there.

My kids have interacted with other young people in choir, dual enrollment classes, homeschool social groups, martial arts classes, at work. They encounter people from different backgrounds, with different personalities and interests. You don't need school for that.

 

My DS is very introverted and had, when I pulled him from 5th grade, two casual friends. As a homeschooler, he has gained a large circle of friends of varied ages, boys and girls, and has become more social and outgoing. He has friends over at our house twice a week for martial arts practice. He has a girlfriend.

I am very pleased to see how he blossomed socially. School was not necessary for that - and may have been a hindrance.

[clementine]

Simple answer? No, you won't ruin your child's life. :) I will graduate our first next month & I am beyond thankful for these past 4 years. She earned both academic and athletic scholarships and there was never an issue about her schooling at any of the colleges we toured.

 

I agree with seeking out a co-op for a class or two & maybe joining a group with other high school families.

[creekland]

Two of mine homeschooled high school.  The third wanted to go back to school for high school.

 

The one who is having the most difficulty adjusting to college and with academics in college is the one who chose ps.

 

YMMV

[fairfarmhand]

My dd does online school. She started online schooling in the 9th grade, having been conventionally homeschooled up to that point.

 

She's happy, has plenty of friends, and a wide range of interests.

[Jenny in Florida]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

Personally, I don't think learning to deal with school helps you learn to deal with real life, since school bears not a lot of resemblance to anything that happens once you graduate.

 

I can't think of any social situation in the real world in which we are segregated by age and forced to put up with our peers bothering or picking on us.

 

When it comes to the social stuff, I would focus a lot more on extracurriculars, since those seem to me to be most "real world-ish." I would look for opportunities for my kid to work with others to accomplish goals. For example, both of my kids are performance types. So, they did a ton of theatre, which required them to function in mixed-age, mixed-ability groups as part of a team. There were members of every cast that each of my kids liked and didn't, other kids who annoyed them, etc. So, they got plenty of practice learning to cope with people they didn't like. They also got practice showing up on time, paying attention to authority figures, following rules, taking responsibility for knowing their lines and music and blocking, taking care of costumes and more. All of those seem like much more real-world skills than anything "social" learned in school.

 

Neither of my kids went to high school. Both were accepted into the colleges of their choice with nice scholarships and merit aid. So, I wouldn't worry about that part at all.

[foxbridgeacademy]

FWIW, the social atmosphere at college is totally, unequivocally, and thoroughly different from the social atmosphere of high school.  One's adjustment to the high school social atmosphere does not equate to a successful social life in college.  And vice versa:  kids who struggle in the high school social scene can make great friendships and be successfully social in college.

:iagree:  :iagree:  :iagree: I can't agree with this enough.  IME the students in College that continued to behave like High schooler's were the ones who were ostracized, if you can even be ostracized with a student body in the many thousands.  Kids who were obviously AS/borderline AS had a much easier time of finding a social group where they were accepted.

 

Check out your states Colleges and see what their policy is on HSer's.  I went to Indiana University as a Homeschool grad and I had no problems getting in.  I even got to skip most of the requirements (it was the 90's they hadn't figured out what to do with all the HSer's yet).

 

Look into HSing groups for teens, classes held locally, and see if your state allows HSer's to take extracurricular activities at the P.S.

 

If you want to list your city/state (you can always delete it later and ask that no one copy/paste) some posters might have suggestions for you. 

[Blossom'sGirl]

I just wanted to say this thread has really encouraged me.  Lately I have been seriously doubting my homeschooling abilities for my two highschoolers.

[BlsdMama]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

Don't get me wrong. I do not think kids needs to experience bullying to be strong or to grow. In fact, I think excessive bullying can be detrimental and I would wholeheartedly recommend pulling a kid out of school for that or any other very negative social experiences. So far I don't think my kid  has experienced that. I do worry about him not getting the experiences of navigating somewhat difficult social experiences. FTR he had some of the signs of AS but clearly not all or even the majority of them when he was assessed when he was younger. He also is a very smart kid which can mimic AS and reminds me of the difficulties I had socially when I was young.

 

I appreciate any insight.

 

 

School is a false environment.  Never again in his adult life will he be forced to be surrounded by jackasses and there it is.  In the workplace unruly non-conforming people are fired. 

 

Now what I am *not* saying is that public school kids are braying donkeys.  Please do not misread me.  My beautiful nieces are in high school right now and they are truly lovely young women.  I'm addressing the "problem" children in your son's high school.    What you're saying is that  your kid is having serious health implications and problems because of the environment and because these kids are out of control.  Please tell me an adult situation in which your child will be present that he'll need to be prepared for this?

 

He won't.

 

My oldest attends a very large "party" school.  True story.   And, yet, in college, young adults are allowed to find their own tribe.  In adulthood there is a code of conduct.  

No, your child won't be scarred from missing out on anxiety attacks.

 

I won't address academics.  With 5,000+ posts that shouldn't be a concern for you.   ;)

[HS Mom in NC]

Honestly, I have to wonder if this is a troll.  Sorry, but when you go to a homeschooling website are you really genuinely asking a group of people who homeschool if doing so will "ruin" a child academically and socially?  Does the OP expect there to be both "Yes" and "No" answers? "Any success stories?" Really? 5568 posts listed and she's not already aware of any success stories?

 

It makes perfect sense to ask questions like, "How do people manage to provide adequate academics for their kids when they've never taught professionally or homeschooled before?" or "What if I don't remember much about the content that I would have to cover with my high school aged child?" or "What kinds of options are there for meeting a child's social needs when they're not in an institutional setting?" or "How can I help my particularly socially awkward child overcome some of his/her challenges?"  etc.

[clementine]

Honestly, I have to wonder if this is a troll.  Sorry, but when you go to a homeschooling website are you really genuinely asking a group of people who homeschool if doing so will "ruin" a child academically and socially?  Does the OP expect there to be both "Yes" and "No" answers? "Any success stories?" Really? 5568 posts listed and she's not already aware of any success stories?

 

It makes perfect sense to ask questions like, "How do people manage to provide adequate academics for their kids when they've never taught professionally or homeschooled before?" or "What if I don't remember much about the content that I would have to cover with my high school aged child?" or "What kinds of options are there for meeting a child's social needs when they're not in an institutional setting?" or "How can I help my particularly socially awkward child overcome some of his/her challenges?"  etc.

Initially I thought the same thing, but then I saw that he/she has 5000+ posts too.  ??  The question can be asked anywhere & get equal amounts of votes for either side.  

[RKWAcademy]

My kids are 5, so take this with a grain of salt.  I'm 38 now, so my high school was probably mild compared to what schools are like today.  But, I went to a large public high school in a perfectly fine town, and I'm not especially socially adept.  I'm an introvert, to put it mildly.  Still, I wish my parents had taken me out and homeschooled me.  None of us knew that was possible.  I would have put up a giant stink about it, but it would have been the BEST thing for me in my situation. 

 

College would have been easier (and I would have made a better choice in colleges, too).  I even skipped a year of high school because it was so easy and I was so miserable in that environment.  Academically, homeschooling would have (or could have if done right) challenged me when high school stopped challenging me.  Then, when I got to college, I would have known how to study.  I thought grades were just handed to me because high school was so easy.  Not really the case where real academics are concerned. 

 

I don't have much advice for your situation other than to say, I'm a case where I should have been pulled from high school - and I would have been mad at the time because I was on the varsity team for my sport, in the top 10 of a class of 800, and in some clubs.  It still would have been best for me.

[HS Mom in NC]

Initially I thought the same thing, but then I saw that he/she has 5000+ posts too.  ??  The question can be asked anywhere & get equal amounts of votes for either side.  

 

 

Not here it won't.  It hasn't gotten a single "yes" yet.  I don't think anyone will post here that yes, it would completely ruin her child's chances for college success, that the negative aspects of ps that she describes are a necessary part of child development or that socially, it would be a bad idea to homeschool her kid who is now experiencing anxiety. 

 

I smell troll.

[Mom22ns]

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

I want to address this question because I have an autistic spectrum child that will graduate from homeschooling this year. Social skills were not natural or easy for him. When he was in public school, he really struggled. Being homeschooled allowed him to spend a lot more time with me and the family where we could model good social skills, discuss social skill mistakes, and analyze how to handle situations better.

 

He didn't learn social skills in public school. He mostly withdrew and learned how to deal with bullying. Even in the younger grades where there was less bullying, he didn't learn social skills. He really needed instruction and opportunities in a positive environment. We were able to provide both of those (homeschooling groups and church gave the extra practice). When he started dual enrollment, he had no problem at all fitting in on a college campus at 16. I don't think he would have been able to do that if he had stayed in public school.

 

I was actually asked by someone at church what I did to improve his social skills so much. It was about a year after we started homeschooling and the answer was "Homeschooling". Her response (not a homeschooler or homeschool supporter even), Are you sorry you didn't start sooner?" Everyone around him could see the benefit of homeschooling for his social skills. 

[Reefgazer]

I won't add anything to what Regentrude said about the academic aspects of school, except to say that homeschooling may allow your DS time and energy to pursue activities and  passions that make him stand out to an admission committee.

 

I'll address the social aspect, though.  DD has been homeschooling for 2 years (6th and 5th grade) and it looks like we'll be homeschooling high school, as well.  She always appeared to me to have a gaggle of friends around her in elementary school, but she told me she has more friends from homeschool co-op.  When I told her I didn't see that as a bystander, she told me her friends were now of higher quality and nicer.  I asked her to elaborate and one of her main points was that her homeschooled friends were more accepting of various personality types and didn't expect conformity.  So as long as you give your DS the opportunity to form some friendships, he'll probably be OK socially.

What about the social aspects for a kid who has some difficulty in the social area? Is the social experience he will get a necessity at school? Is it important to learn to deal with minor annoyances such as moderate disruptions by other students in the social arena by being in a school? Or by dealing with other students who may try to bother or pick on you slightly?

 

Don't get me wrong. I do not think kids needs to experience bullying to be strong or to grow. In fact, I think excessive bullying can be detrimental and I would wholeheartedly recommend pulling a kid out of school for that or any other very negative social experiences. So far I don't think my kid  has experienced that. I do worry about him not getting the experiences of navigating somewhat difficult social experiences. FTR he had some of the signs of AS but clearly not all or even the majority of them when he was assessed when he was younger. He also is a very smart kid which can mimic AS and reminds me of the difficulties I had socially when I was young.

 

I appreciate any insight.

 

[OneStepAtATime]

While the original question as worded seems a bit odd on a board that includes a majority that are homeschoolers, and with just a brief glance OP could easily find dozens of posts of people successfully homeschooling high school, I dont think this is a troll post. I think this is a post from a stressed out parent who may not fully understand homeschooling high school and probably never planned to do so until circumstances changed. Reading past posts gives me that impression anyway...

 

As a parent who used to come here for information but did not do so often and whose kids started out in brick and mortar it took quite a while to realize this was primarily a sight for homeschoolers and even longer to really understand homeschooling. It is not well known in my area.

 

I read many posts from many parents that were just sharing info but not stating outright I AM A HOMESCHOOLER. EVERYTHING I POST IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO HOMESCHOOLING. Since many posts arent directly related to homeschooling, there would be no reason to assume those things anyway.

 

And honestly there are several posters who are not and never have homeschooled. They afterschool or just like to hang out on the chat board or need extra info about their gifted or SN or 2e kid.

[Corraleno]

Honestly, I have to wonder if this is a troll.  Sorry, but when you go to a homeschooling website are you really genuinely asking a group of people who homeschool if doing so will "ruin" a child academically and socially?  Does the OP expect there to be both "Yes" and "No" answers? "Any success stories?" Really? 5568 posts listed and she's not already aware of any success stories?

 

I don't think she's a troll. If her child has been in a B&M school since 5th grade, and she had no intention of homeschooling HS until now, she probably hasn't been reading the HS or College boards. I took the title to mean "I'm not sure I can provide everything my son needs by homeschooling HS — please reassure me that I'm not ruining his life and screwing up his chances at getting into a good college."

 

One reason the HS board is so much smaller than the grammar & logic boards is because so many homeschoolers don't feel confident enough to homeschool HS and therefore put their kids in B&M school at that point. Heck, even long-time, active posters here on the HS board go through periods of self-doubt and worry that they're not doing enough, or they're doing it wrong, or they're somehow screwing things up for their kids, and so they post asking for reassurance.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Honestly, I have to wonder if this is a troll.  Sorry, but when you go to a homeschooling website are you really genuinely asking a group of people who homeschool if doing so will "ruin" a child academically and socially?  Does the OP expect there to be both "Yes" and "No" answers? "Any success stories?" Really? 5568 posts listed and she's not already aware of any success stories?

 

It makes perfect sense to ask questions like, "How do people manage to provide adequate academics for their kids when they've never taught professionally or homeschooled before?" or "What if I don't remember much about the content that I would have to cover with my high school aged child?" or "What kinds of options are there for meeting a child's social needs when they're not in an institutional setting?" or "How can I help my particularly socially awkward child overcome some of his/her challenges?"  etc.

I often wonder to myself if as we go into H.S. if I'm doing my children a disservice, if I'm going to "ruin" them and their chance at a happy fulfilled life.  

[Trilliums]

My boys sound similar to your son on the social front.  They are both slow to make friends, but they are happy with their lives. 

 

They were soley homeschooled grades 1-8.  For high school one continued to homeschool but took classes at the public high school and the local university.  He is graduating this year and has received great offers at colleges, including a tuitioin plus extras scholarship at our state flagship (homeschool grades and classes did not prevent him from getting this offer).  My other son opted to attend the high school full time and is finishing up his junior year.  High school is incredible stressful for my son.  A huge part of the stress is being around other students who don't give a flip about academics or learning in general.  Kids who take pride in willful ignorance especially frustrtate my son.  But, he still appreciates the academic rigor in his honors and AP classes.  Plus he has gained exposure to programs that would be difficult for us to manage at home.  Both kids wanted to take in person science and math classes and they have loved this at the high school and University.

 

 

Socially, I do not think public high school has helped my kids much at all.  Mostly it was a huge eye opener that there are people out there who enjoy annoying others and who do not value knowledge in general.  It actually made them cynical about society. :(  I don't  konw it matters whether they learn that now or later.  I do not think there is a window of opportunity for developing social skills either.  Odler son, the most awkward one, has grown by leaps and bounds in the social front this year as a high school senior.  They are smart and adept kids and i believe they will both go on to have great college experiences, regardless of or despite their high school exposure.  :P

 

 

[yvonne]

Honestly, I have to wonder if this is a troll.  Sorry, but when you go to a homeschooling website are you really genuinely asking a group of people who homeschool if doing so will "ruin" a child academically and socially?  Does the OP expect there to be both "Yes" and "No" answers? "Any success stories?" Really?

 

The OP has 5000+ posts. It isn't likely that she's a troll. Is it possible for a parent to regret having home schooled a child through high school? Is it possible for someone to regret having been home schooled through high school? Yes, it is. I have seen a few stories like that, even here. In fact, didn't SWB mention at some point that she thought perhaps one of her children would have benefited from a brick & mortar school?  Why would it be beyond imagining that maybe home schooling high school does not always work out for the best for a given child?  "Ruin" may be hyperbole, but when one is agonizing over the question of whether home schooling or b&m schooling is better, that may be the best word to describe their fears.

 

I can assure you that I am not a troll. Some folks here know me in real life. But I, too, have been struggling mightily with exactly this question as I look toward 10th-12th grades for my oldest. I can completely understand the op's current angst.

 

We have what everyone locally considers to be a "top high school." It is even known by name in Asia. Realtors actively advertise in Asia, and people buy/rent in this district just to be able to attend that school.  The school is a pressure cooker, and it has the grades and science & other awards to show for it.

 

I love home schooling. I love the way my three children are so close because of the time they spend together, the books we've read together, and the places and things we've been able to share. I love the fact that they don't have to move lockstep through some arbitrarily set curriculum or sequence of classes. But my oldest are in 9th now and high school feels so much more high stakes. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety about whether I should be using that b&m high school.

 

I know logically that part of the success of the students at the b&m is not the teachers or the texts that they're using. (The teachers I talked to at an open house were not particularly impressive, and the texts are only typical public high school texts.) Most of the students' success is due to the hard core academic focus/culture of the families at that school. They use tutoring centers, test prep centers, the local CC's to take summer classes before taking the honors/AP classes at the high school during the school year.  They learn the mandated textbook material very well.

 

I also know intellectually that I don't think what the local b&m offers is what truly makes an "educated" person. I can see the value of a Great Books sequence of study. I've read about amazing people who had a Great Books type of education. (Most recently C.S.Lewis.) I know I can find good Great Books courses online taught by people who are passionate about them and who are more knowledgeable than I am.  But I just cannot fight off the question of whether my kids would be better off at the local b&m, following a known, proven(?) path?  Am I "depriving" them of a better education by home schooling?

 

Anyhow, I completely get the OP's use of the word "ruin" because I, too, feel like that when wondering if I'm making the best choices for my children.  And sometimes it helps to be able to hear those success stories again.

[wapiti]

I would explore the high school (assuming it's the only B&M option) both in terms of academics - what is available, what is the quality like - and the social aspects.  Both social and academics are likely to differ significantly from the student's current middle school experience, such that you might need to gather more information.  Talk to parents if possible, especially parents of students academically and/or socially similar to yours, and tour if the school allows.

 

I would also explore the possibilities for what your homeschool might look like, both for academic opportunities (which seem to me to be nearly limitless, but for which in-person outsourcing opportunities will vary by location) and for social ones (what activities would your student pursue, would that be sufficient for his needs, etc.).  

 

Only when you have detailed information can you make better comparisons between homeschool and B&M.  Drawing up a sample schedule for each might be helpful for comparing academics.

[EKS]

You most likely will not ruin your child no matter what you do (schoolwise).  

 

My older son was homeschooled for 9th and half of 10th.  Then it became apparent that because of the social isolation that *his* homeschooling experience was producing, he needed to go to school.  So he went to a private school for the rest of 10th grade and half of 11th grade.  He then withdrew from the private school, and while he was officially homeschooled from the point forward, he was dual enrolled at the CC full time.  FWIW, he's doing great living independently during his gap year and will be attending his first choice college in the fall.

 

If your son has a solid group of friends (or even just a few), be sure that he maintains those contacts if you decide to homeschool.  My son's problem was that all of his friends from our homeschool group stopped homeschooling in high school and he didn't have a regular time to see them and I wasn't keeping tabs on his social life by that point.  At the same time, his one extracurricular suddenly evaporated (the leader moved out of state).  Anyway, it ended up adding up to a very depressed kid for a while there.

[The Girls' Mom]

No, you will not ruin them.  Yes, it may take some extra effort to get them engaged in something outside the home.  That something does NOT have to be with same-aged peers.  

 

I have one that is by all accounts graduated (we are just waiting for her to finish up a dual enrollment class).  She has a social life, and is transitioning to college life just fine.  

 

One of my younger two struggles a bit socially, and would have likely struggled more if she'd remained in school.  She volunteers in the nursery at co-op, babysits for one of her former teachers, and helps the other teachers out at co-op.  She feels more comfortable around adults and that is ok because in a few short years she'll be one.  

 

They've all scored decently on the ACT, and I don't foresee any trouble for the one that desires to go to a four year college right out of high school.  

[JanetC]

The truth?

 

There will be days when you know that you have ruined your kids for life. And, then there will be better days.

 

You will especially second-guess every decision you've made about their education when you hit college admissions season.  And, then you will notice the public schooled parents are also second-guessing everything they did and worrying, too.

 

You will have great times, but periods of doubt come with the territory when homeschooling teens.

 

[Farrar]

Not here it won't.  It hasn't gotten a single "yes" yet.  I don't think anyone will post here that yes, it would completely ruin her child's chances for college success, that the negative aspects of ps that she describes are a necessary part of child development or that socially, it would be a bad idea to homeschool her kid who is now experiencing anxiety. 

 

I smell troll.

 

I just happened to see this thread. I've met the OP. I'm pretty sure she's really not a troll. :) She's a former homeschool mom who's anxious about high school, which really describes so many people. The attrition rate for homeschoolers for high school is huge. It's a legitimately a bigger challenge and higher stakes for people than teaching letters or skills that we feel super confident with. I know this is a homeschool board and all, but clearly a lot of homeschoolers feel high school is an extra challenge - even for social interaction because there's a lot less out there than for younger kids.

[Tsuga]

FWIW, the social atmosphere at college is totally, unequivocally, and thoroughly different from the social atmosphere of high school.  One's adjustment to the high school social atmosphere does not equate to a successful social life in college.  And vice versa:  kids who struggle in the high school social scene can make great friendships and be successfully social in college.

 

Yes, so much.

 

Some children are very social and wither alone. Some children bloom when given more solitude. Both types of people can go on to live happy, successful lives.

[HS Mom in NC]

The OP has 5000+ posts. It isn't likely that she's a troll. Is it possible for a parent to regret having home schooled a child through high school? Is it possible for someone to regret having been home schooled through high school? Yes, it is. I have seen a few stories like that, even here. In fact, didn't SWB mention at some point that she thought perhaps one of her children would have benefited from a brick & mortar school?

Why would it be beyond imagining that maybe home schooling high school does not always work out for the best for a given child?  "Ruin" may be hyperbole, but when one is agonizing over the question of whether home schooling or b&m schooling is better, that may be the best word to describe their fears.

 

I can assure you that I am not a troll. Some folks here know me in real life. But I, too, have been struggling mightily with exactly this question as I look toward 10th-12th grades for my oldest. I can completely understand the op's current angst.

 

We have what everyone locally considers to be a "top high school." It is even known by name in Asia. Realtors actively advertise in Asia, and people buy/rent in this district just to be able to attend that school.  The school is a pressure cooker, and it has the grades and science & other awards to show for it.

 

I love home schooling. I love the way my three children are so close because of the time they spend together, the books we've read together, and the places and things we've been able to share. I love the fact that they don't have to move lockstep through some arbitrarily set curriculum or sequence of classes. But my oldest are in 9th now and high school feels so much more high stakes. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety about whether I should be using that b&m high school.

 

I know logically that part of the success of the students at the b&m is not the teachers or the texts that they're using. (The teachers I talked to at an open house were not particularly impressive, and the texts are only typical public high school texts.) Most of the students' success is due to the hard core academic focus/culture of the families at that school. They use tutoring centers, test prep centers, the local CC's to take summer classes before taking the honors/AP classes at the high school during the school year.  They learn the mandated textbook material very well.

 

I also know intellectually that I don't think what the local b&m offers is what truly makes an "educated" person. I can see the value of a Great Books sequence of study. I've read about amazing people who had a Great Books type of education. (Most recently C.S.Lewis.) I know I can find good Great Books courses online taught by people who are passionate about them and who are more knowledgeable than I am.  But I just cannot fight off the question of whether my kids would be better off at the local b&m, following a known, proven(?) path?  Am I "depriving" them of a better education by home schooling?

 

Anyhow, I completely get the OP's use of the word "ruin" because I, too, feel like that when wondering if I'm making the best choices for my children.  And sometimes it helps to be able to hear those success stories again.

My issue is with the nature and tone of her questions and language.  It's addressing the most basic and general of homeschooling questions and it uses dramatic, catastrophic, end-of –the-world language.  It's very all or nothing.  It doesn't show someone who has been around for the large amount of time it would take to rack up 5,000+ posts.  I would expect this kind of language and intensity from someone in their teens or from a country where no one homeschools and is new to the concept. 

 

Your SWB analogy is not applicable.  SWB did not say she ruined her kid academically and socially by choosing to homeschool him through high school.  She said he might have done better or benefitted from it.  That's a far more measured and thoughtful response than the kind of catastrophic language and thinking in the OP.

 

Typically, after 5,000+ posts, most people here:

 

1. Are aware of the different forums here that and address specific seasons in homeschooling and familiarize themselves with them before posting.

 

2. Are aware of the norm to post (JAWM) or "Vent" in the title to indicate that they are just blowing off emotional steam and are aware that what they know in their head as opposed to their immediate emotional frustration can be at odds, but it will pass.

 

3. Are aware of the most basic arguments about homeschooling so they ask more specific questions that address their individual challenges like those I posted up thread. Individual insecurities are one thing and commonly covered.  "How can I be more confident in my choices?" or "How can I change my thinking?" or "What do you guys do when you feel insecure?" You know, constructive stuff like that.

 

4. Doesn't use the exceptions in homeschooling to characterize their thinking.  Everyone knows there are bad homeschooling situations out there.  Those are people who are typically not conscientious about academics and teaching good social skills because they're hiding from the world or they're abusive.  Calm, reasoned questions about avoiding poor academics and social skills are questions like, "How do I go about evaluating and planning?" or "What kind of resources are available if I'm struggling as a teacher in any given subject?" or "What are colleges looking for on a transcript?" "If homeschooling isn't working out, how can we transition to online schooling or back to a B&M school?" Things like that.

When trolls post about homeschooling, their posts usually fit one or both of the following assumptions:

 

1. Homeschooling ruins your child's academic opportunities when it comes to college or adult education.

2. Homeschooling denies your child the ability to develop to their full potential socially. 

 

If it looks like a duck...

 

I would never, in a million years, go to a website for parents of ps kids and ask things like, "I might have to stop homeschooling and send my kid to PS.  How can I do that and not ruin them with the one-size-fits-all education and toxic, peer oriented, false social structure in high school?"  That would be really obnoxious.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have no BTDT advice.  That time is coming too soon here, and I am terrified, and I have the exact same questions and worries.  After doing a lot of searching and asking and bugging and reading, I am starting to feel less frazzled.  I don't think I'll ever be 100% frazzle free, but I bet I would not be even if my kid were in a brick and mortar school.

 

So just commiserating!

 

 

[Farrar]

 

If it looks like a duck...

 

 

I'll say it again. I've met her. In person. I don't think she's a troll.

 

I'm sorry if you didn't like the way she worded her anxiety over this issue, which we can all agree is a big life decision for her family, but continuing in this vein is really not very becoming for you.

[eternalsummer]

 

When trolls post about homeschooling, their posts usually fit one or both of the following assumptions:

 

1. Homeschooling ruins your child's academic opportunities when it comes to college or adult education.

2. Homeschooling denies your child the ability to develop to their full potential socially. 

 

 

 

To be fair, I think these are also two of the main concerns for people who *are* homeschooling.  Certainly they are my concerns (not college exactly, but overall educational success/preparation for adult life).  

[HiddenJewel]

My issue is with the nature and tone of her questions and language.  It's addressing the most basic and general of homeschooling questions and it uses dramatic, catastrophic, end-of –the-world language.  It's very all or nothing.  It doesn't show someone who has been around for the large amount of time it would take to rack up 5,000+ posts.  I would expect this kind of language and intensity from someone in their teens or from a country where no one homeschools and is new to the concept. 

 

Just because someone may use wording that you may never use does not mean they are not a real person needing real answers. Homeschooling high school is a major thing even for long term homeschoolers and getting put down because you have concerns would be extremely hurtful. We aren't all level headed and unemotional about things all the time. Giving someone grace instead of suspicion is always a much better road to take.

 

 

[Tsuga]

Some of us are just very dramatic. I don't think it's nice to accuse people of being a troll. Her behavior on this thread is not trollish.

[chiguirre]

I am seriously considering pulling my kid out of a pressure cooker of a school for highschool. I am worried that I will ruin his chances for college and also ruin his chances to grow socially since social things don't come naturally to him. he has been pretty much successful navigating this school for 5th, 6th, and 7th grade for the most part.

If you're stressed about homeschooling, I'd research online classes and preplanned courses. For about $500, you can outsource writing or math or Latin, whatever you're most afraid of teaching to a professional subject expert teacher. For about $200, sometimes less, you can buy a complete video course. If your budget is more modest, there are some free alternatives that will smooth the path considerably. Poking around the high school board will give you lots of ideas. The pinned science and math threads are a treasure trove and there have been excellent planning threads for history and literature.

 

I'm like Sparkly and, I think, you, in that I have a middle schooler who's just reached high school level in several subjects and the reality of being the one in charge is hitting me. It can be intimidating, but you can provide a customized education. You can even provide a more challenging, deeper and broader experience than a great b&m school but it is a major commitment of either your time and energy or some money (a lot less than private high school) and your organizational skills.

 

If your ds is going into 8th grade next year, I'd seriously consider doing a homeschool year to have a better basis for comparison before you have to commit for 4 years.

 

Good luck, Pris!

[klmama]

NoPlaceLikeHome, your ds may do very well at home for high school.  You need to investigate the options for homeschoolers in your area to find out what activities the high schoolers are involved in so you can help your ds find the right fit.  FWIW, I know several teens with issues like social anxiety, Asperger's, and just ordinary geekiness, and they've all done well homeschooling high school.  They've been able to take the harder high school courses through online programs or at local colleges, and they've been involved in co-op classes, jobs, church, and community organizations.  Generally, they have learned how to be good adults by spending their time with adults and other mature teens.  Their anxiety has lessened and over time their interactions have gotten more appropriate.  They have found real friends through their activities, many of which would not have been open to them if they were stuck in public school all day.    

 

As for the question about ruining your ds's life if you homeschool him for high school?  Not likely.  It's natural to wonder sometimes if you're doing the right thing, but as someone upthread pointed out, public school parents do that, too.  Just take it one year at a time and help your ds be the best version of himself he can be.  

[Susan Wise Bauer]

Knock off the troll accusations. It's really not appropriate. Thanks.

 

SWB

[fairfarmhand]

I want to address this question because I have an autistic spectrum child that will graduate from homeschooling this year. Social skills were not natural or easy for him. When he was in public school, he really struggled. Being homeschooled allowed him to spend a lot more time with me and the family where we could model good social skills, discuss social skill mistakes, and analyze how to handle situations better.

 

He didn't learn social skills in public school. He mostly withdrew and learned how to deal with bullying. Even in the younger grades where there was less bullying, he didn't learn social skills. He really needed instruction and opportunities in a positive environment. We were able to provide both of those (homeschooling groups and church gave the extra practice). When he started dual enrollment, he had no problem at all fitting in on a college campus at 16. I don't think he would have been able to do that if he had stayed in public school.

 

I was actually asked by someone at church what I did to improve his social skills so much. It was about a year after we started homeschooling and the answer was "Homeschooling". Her response (not a homeschooler or homeschool supporter even), Are you sorry you didn't start sooner?" Everyone around him could see the benefit of homeschooling for his social skills. 

Yes. In school, the nice kids will give a child a blank stare and maybe gossip about him behind his back when he makes a gaffe or acts awkwardly. The mean kids will mock an awkward child, bully him, call him "loser" and "dork" and make his life miserable.

 

Isn't it better for an awkward child to have mom or a sibling to gently walk up to a kid and go "You overreacted." or "You are misinterpreting that comment." or "That behavior makes people uncomfortable. When you feel x it's probably better to act this way."

[Alte Veste Academy]

Honestly, I appreciate the hyperbole. It's my second language.

 

Before I started homeschooling, I worried I was going to ruin my kids. (I should point out that I knew I was going to homeschool before they were born. So essentially I was worried about ruining the unborn. LOL)

 

Every year I go on, I simultaneously pat myself on the back for what we have accomplished and worry that I'm going to ruin my kids this year. Yes, THIS is the year I am going to RUIN my children.

 

I worried about "socialization." Yep. I did.

 

They have no idea what a work/homework load is! If they only knew what their friend John Doe has to do for homework every night! Then they would see! They would snap to and appreciate all this! (Insert visual of sweeping hand gesture!)

 

I'm letting them sleep in too much! I'm raising lazy children!

 

They don't want to follow instructions! They bristle at (what they perceive to be) busy work. Helloooo! I do not assign busy work. Really. They don't know what busy work is! They don't appreciate what they've got here! Ingrates! And anyway, don't they know that a PS kid's school day is mostly busy work? But wait! Worse! They don't seem to understand that one day they will probably have to do what someone (let's call that someone "boss") says without presenting an argument for why it isn't necessary! (Wait, is that bickering or abuse of logic lessons!?) Am I shielding them from reality too much?!

 

They need too much one-on-one! Kids in school don't get this much individual attention. I'm making them all codependent on me!

 

I loved high school! Loved all of school actually, from start to finish. (Yes, including prom. Whatever.) I am depriving my children! What if they would love school as much as I did! What if I already deprived them of all the years of school when maybe they would have loved it all just as much as I did!?

 

How can I say that I have thought all these things (and oodles more!) many, many times and still say, truthfully, that I have never seriously considered putting my kids in school? I dunno. But it's true. And I even toured a local PS last year! LOL

 

I have always told my kids (and DH) that I would let the kids choose whether or not they want to go to high school. I kind of want to renege now. LOL The best I can do is make my school so AMAZING that they will be enticed to stay...despite the rapidly growing fear that I am in no way qualified to teach high school subjects at an expert level like they might find (ha!) at school. :tongue_smilie:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Honestly, I appreciate the hyperbole. It's my second language.

 

Before I started homeschooling, I worried I was going to ruin my kids. (I should point out that I knew I was going to homeschool before they were born. So essentially I was worried about ruining the unborn. LOL)

 

Every year I go on, I simultaneously pat myself on the back for what we have accomplished and worry that I'm going to ruin my kids this year. Yes, THIS is the year I am going to RUIN my children.

 

I worried about "socialization." Yep. I did.

 

They have no idea what a work/homework load is! If they only knew what their friend John Doe has to do for homework every night! Then they would see! They would snap to and appreciate all this! (Insert visual of sweeping hand gesture!)

 

I'm letting them sleep in too much! I'm raising lazy children!

 

They don't want to follow instructions! They bristle at (what they perceive to be) busy work. Helloooo! I do not assign busy work. Really. They don't know what busy work is! They don't appreciate what they've got here! Ingrates! And anyway, don't they know that a PS kid's school day is mostly busy work? But wait! Worse! They don't seem to understand that one day they will probably have to do what someone (let's call that someone "boss") says without presenting an argument for why it isn't necessary! (Wait, is that bickering or abuse of logic lessons!?) Am I shielding them from reality too much?!

 

They need too much one-on-one! Kids in school don't get this much individual attention. I'm making them all codependent on me!

 

I loved high school! Loved all of school actually, from start to finish. (Yes, including prom. Whatever.) I am depriving my children! What if they would love school as much as I did! What if I already deprived them of all the years of school when maybe they would have loved it all just as much as I did!?

 

How can I say that I have thought all these things (and oodles more!) many, many times and still say, truthfully, that I have never seriously considered putting my kids in school? I dunno. But it's true. And I even toured a local PS last year! LOL

 

I have always told my kids (and DH) that I would let the kids choose whether or not they want to go to high school. I kind of want to renege now. LOL The best I can do is make my school so AMAZING that they will be enticed to stay...despite the rapidly growing fear that I am in no way qualified to teach high school subjects at an expert level like they might find (ha!) at school. :tongue_smilie:

 

I love this.

 

As a recent viral blog post pointed out, parenting involves such big emotions.  There is a real sense that our choices have consequences.  On a frequent basis, I look around at things that public and private schooled students are doing and think that my kid would love those activities and opportunities, but the door is closed or it's a real uphill battle because they are homeschooled.

 

On the other hand, there are also consequences that are positive.  My eldest would have attended three different high schools, in three different states, with very different graduation requirements.  Our moves were mid-school year moves.  The AP courses he took under my direction were not courses that were offered in each of those locations.  (Ex. AP European History is big in VA, but uncommon in CA, and not offered at all in public schools in Hawaii.)  Latin is uncommon in public schools.  German in increasingly difficult to find. 

 

So homeschooling, even amid the upheaval of cross country and international moves, has given him some continuity of curriculum.  I don't have to worry that the math program in one state is farther along than that in another or that he will have missed covering something all of his classmates had.

 

But there is a lot to stay on top of with high school.  There is such a sense of impending assessment by outsiders via the college application process (or military enlistment, or job application process).  The feeling of a long string of tomorrows that existed in elementary school and even in middle school feels like a distant memory.  But I also have to admit that much of that wistfulness is a natural part of parenting an almost adult.  He's a real person with likes and dislikes, talents and weaknesses.  He has goals and is trying to reach them.  I can see what will come easily and what will take a ton of work and a lot of good fortune.  It is incredibly daunting and also inspiring.

[crazyforlatin]

It is one thing to read about successes here and celebrate with everyone. And another thing to overcome self-doubt, despite reading all the acceptances. Never mind the self-doubt I had when DD was 4 years old and we had already started homeschooling by then, but after reading a NY Times article, I wailed to DH that I had ruined DD FOREVER because she wasn't in preschool.

 

DD is not even in middle school yet, and I've already gloomily pointed out several times the high school she will attend in 5 years.

 

Unless an experienced homeschool mom will come live with us starting in 9th grade.

[stephinsocal]

It is one thing to read about successes here and celebrate with everyone. And another thing to overcome self-doubt, despite reading all the acceptances. Never mind the self-doubt I had when DD was 4 years old and we had already started homeschooling by then, but after reading a NY Times article, I wailed to DH that I had ruined DD FOREVER because she wasn't in preschool.

 

DD is not even in middle school yet, and I've already gloomily pointed out several times the high school she will attend in 5 years.

 

Unless an experienced homeschool mom will come live with us starting in 9th grade.

[stephinsocal]

Oops, somehow I goofed this up on my phone. Crazyforlatin, by 9th youll be an experienced homeschool parent!

[HS Mom in NC]

My apologies to the OP.  I'm sorry I called you a troll. It wasn’t deserved and it was hurtful to you. It won't happen again and I wish you all the best in your journey educating your children however you decide to do that. There are lots of resources here in the homeschooling through high school forum that can help answer your questions.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I don't think she's a troll. If her child has been in a B&M school since 5th grade, and she had no intention of homeschooling HS until now, she probably hasn't been reading the HS or College boards. I took the title to mean "I'm not sure I can provide everything my son needs by homeschooling HS — please reassure me that I'm not ruining his life and screwing up his chances at getting into a good college."

 

One reason the HS board is so much smaller than the grammar & logic boards is because so many homeschoolers don't feel confident enough to homeschool HS and therefore put their kids in B&M school at that point. Heck, even long-time, active posters here on the HS board go through periods of self-doubt and worry that they're not doing enough, or they're doing it wrong, or they're somehow screwing things up for their kids, and so they post asking for reassurance.

I can assure everyone I am not a troll and have homeschooled before. You nailed my thoughts exactly in that I am unsure I can meet my kid's needs and need reassurance. I am sorry that I have been missing in action but I was in the hospital overnight the past week and almost ended up there again yesterday all from food poisoning and the after effects of the same:(

 

I have read the success stories here and I do believe them. However, they still do not make me feel 100% that I can be a success with this. That is why I posted because a little encouragement never hurts:) I appreciate any thoughts and stories.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

School is a false environment.  Never again in his adult life will he be forced to be surrounded by jackasses and there it is.  In the workplace unruly non-conforming people are fired. 

 

Now what I am *not* saying is that public school kids are braying donkeys.  Please do not misread me.  My beautiful nieces are in high school right now and they are truly lovely young women.  I'm addressing the "problem" children in your son's high school.    What you're saying is that  your kid is having serious health implications and problems because of the environment and because these kids are out of control.  Please tell me an adult situation in which your child will be present that he'll need to be prepared for this?

 

He won't.

 

My oldest attends a very large "party" school.  True story.   And, yet, in college, young adults are allowed to find their own tribe.  In adulthood there is a code of conduct.  

No, your child won't be scarred from missing out on anxiety attacks.

 

I won't address academics.  With 5,000+ posts that shouldn't be a concern for you.   ;)

I do intellectually agree with you that school's social environment is way unlike college or work environments. But emotionally when you are worried about doing right by your kid, it is hard to think straight and totally agree with what your intellect says. If he were a social butterfly, this would be a non-issue for me. 

 

As for the negative experiences in schools I also agree that it can be very toxic and detrimental. In fact, the negative social experiences I experienced affected my confidence in myself till I was almost 30! I also saw other kids ruined by school environments too. Fortunately, the disruptions from other students he is experiencing is nothing like I experienced and is quite tame from I can tell. As for the anxiety attacks, this appeared within the last several weeks and went from almost a 10 on severity scale to 1 or 2 more recently. Obviously, his health trumps all and I would homeschool in a heartbeat if the anxiety stays severe or persists.

 

I appreciate your feedback. This all helps. 

[Meriwether]

:seeya:I have always read much more than I post, and I remember you from when you went by your name. I wish you the best as you figure your course of action. My oldest is in 7th, and high school is looming very large on the horizon. I think most people feel like homeschooling gets a lot more serious in high school.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

The OP has 5000+ posts. It isn't likely that she's a troll. Is it possible for a parent to regret having home schooled a child through high school? Is it possible for someone to regret having been home schooled through high school? Yes, it is. I have seen a few stories like that, even here. In fact, didn't SWB mention at some point that she thought perhaps one of her children would have benefited from a brick & mortar school?  Why would it be beyond imagining that maybe home schooling high school does not always work out for the best for a given child?  "Ruin" may be hyperbole, but when one is agonizing over the question of whether home schooling or b&m schooling is better, that may be the best word to describe their fears.

 

I can assure you that I am not a troll. Some folks here know me in real life. But I, too, have been struggling mightily with exactly this question as I look toward 10th-12th grades for my oldest. I can completely understand the op's current angst.

 

We have what everyone locally considers to be a "top high school." It is even known by name in Asia. Realtors actively advertise in Asia, and people buy/rent in this district just to be able to attend that school.  The school is a pressure cooker, and it has the grades and science & other awards to show for it.

 

I love home schooling. I love the way my three children are so close because of the time they spend together, the books we've read together, and the places and things we've been able to share. I love the fact that they don't have to move lockstep through some arbitrarily set curriculum or sequence of classes. But my oldest are in 9th now and high school feels so much more high stakes. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety about whether I should be using that b&m high school.

 

I know logically that part of the success of the students at the b&m is not the teachers or the texts that they're using. (The teachers I talked to at an open house were not particularly impressive, and the texts are only typical public high school texts.) Most of the students' success is due to the hard core academic focus/culture of the families at that school. They use tutoring centers, test prep centers, the local CC's to take summer classes before taking the honors/AP classes at the high school during the school year.  They learn the mandated textbook material very well.

 

I also know intellectually that I don't think what the local b&m offers is what truly makes an "educated" person. I can see the value of a Great Books sequence of study. I've read about amazing people who had a Great Books type of education. (Most recently C.S.Lewis.) I know I can find good Great Books courses online taught by people who are passionate about them and who are more knowledgeable than I am.  But I just cannot fight off the question of whether my kids would be better off at the local b&m, following a known, proven(?) path?  Am I "depriving" them of a better education by home schooling?

 

Anyhow, I completely get the OP's use of the word "ruin" because I, too, feel like that when wondering if I'm making the best choices for my children.  And sometimes it helps to be able to hear those success stories again.

Totally agree. The other factor complicating my decision is that the school he attends is just like you describe and repeatedly gets into top ten lists for high schools nationally. OTOH I also know that with the great instruction he is getting, that he could learn a lot more were he at home. But then I worry that I will "ruin" it for him.