Prairie~Phlox Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 & someone sends a note to the whole group that they have to send their daughter with their SIL because they have young children at home & it interupts naps & the children would not do well, how would this make you feel? This is for a drama troupe that has more girls than boys & some girls even have to play male roles. The meeting was announced a month ago & is mandatory every year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Apparently the parent wants to be dramatic too. Anyone with more than one dc goes through the stage of having to juggle naps and other stuff. Apparently this person thinks it's all new and extra hard for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Well, the SIL is not a parent of the child in the drama troupe. I would let the parent know that this is a mandatory parent meeting, and perhaps SIL could stay with the napping children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I wonder why the SIL couldn't have stayed with the nappers? Sounds like a lame excuse and wanting "special" snowflake privilege. That would make me annoyed and frustrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If the adult who attends with the child can competently convey the information to the participant's parents, I don't see why it'd be a problem. The representing adult can probably quickly text the parent if the parent needs to sign up for a job/volunteer position if need be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 SIL should stay with the nappers. If the parent is being this dramatic now, then it will only get worse as the show goes on, and theater/dance is usually rather parent intensive as far as volunteer help, at least here, so you can expect her to do nothing and give some excuse every time. I have two babies, and they have learned to nap on the go or do without and go to bed early. It just is what it is when you have kids of varying ages if you want the olders to participate in activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 My initial thought would be "dramatic much". My next thought would be she probably meant to send it to the organizers. Then I would think about how much I hate mandatory meetings and wish I had someone to send in my place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muttichen Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I would think the person was being a responsible parent who has been to plenty of mandatory parent meetings that turned out to be a waste of time..ime they are usually for people who won't read the handbook or bylaws and the meeting is spent telling them what they signed up for plus a cattle call for volunteers. In all the years, I have been only to one useful mandatory parent meeting...and if I had had access to the 'book' that the leaders did, I wouldn't have needed to give up my dinner to go. I agree. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm skipping a "mandatory parent meeting" tonight, because if I try to go, ds won't have time to eat between work and basketball tryouts. My kids have been on the team since it started; I know the drill; I read the emails.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As someone who had older siblings and aunts fill in for my parents during mandatory parent meetings because they both worked I say who cares. The mom has a job to watch her little ones and doesn't want to interrupt their schedule for a silly meeting. Maybe one has a separation anxiety issue and sil can't be the care giver. Who knows, not my place to judge. At least She has a fill in for a meeting she can't attend for whatever reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 None of the mandatory parent meetings for activities I've ever attended has been necessary. All of them could've communicated the same information via email in so much less time. I understand that many parents don't read the email, which creates the need for the meetings in the first place. I don't go anywhere during naptime right now. I nurse two kids for nap. If the toddler misses her nap, she is a BEAST the rest of the day and night. It messes up her night sleep and she wakes up all night long. That affects the next day for me and her. She is unlike my other children, and I had always rolled my eyes internally at friends who preciously guarded nap time. Taught me a lesson! If a meeting were scheduled in the middle of the day, I would send my husband assuming he could get off work. I had crazy Girl Scouts people be irked that my husband attended a parent meeting instead of me. Wth? She's sending an adult family member, which to me says she's taking your meeting seriously. And she offered an explanation. You may not be able to empathize with her situation, but she isn't blowing off the meeting. I think the SIL is sweet to offer to go as well. They must be very close and help each other out. That would be so nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I'd assume that she accidentally hit "reply all" instead of "reply." And I'd be glad that she took the "mandatory" seriously enough to find a responsible adult to attend in her stead and to let me know that she wouldn't be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Most mandatory meetings are simply a reading of a policy that had already been emailed out. It is maddening to sit through these meetings because some people won't read their email. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I would think the person was being a responsible parent who has been to plenty of mandatory parent meetings that turned out to be a waste of time..ime they are usually for people who won't read the handbook or bylaws and the meeting is spent telling them what they signed up for plus a cattle call for volunteers. In all the years, I have been only to one useful mandatory parent meeting...and if I had had access to the 'book' that the leaders did, I wouldn't have needed to give up my dinner to go. A thousand times yes. Give it to me in writing. Hold me responsible for what is in writing. But please do not be so condescending as to think that your personal explanation is the only way that I can comprehend the information. I do think that face-to-face meetings are helpful, but mandatory anything is not my style. I would consider sending a responsible adult on my behalf to be more than adequate. I do, however, think nap schedules is a lame excuse, but that is none of the meeting-organizer's business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splash Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I am that mom. In my opinion she should be able to send someone in her place. My father or mother in law took my ds to everything for years and just passed the information along to me later. I also don't like having to justify why I felt this was necessary. If people knew why they would understand but why do I have to explain when I provided a competent adult in my place. Just my 2 cents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Nothing makes me feel more rebellious than the word "mandatory." LOL. She is having someone she trusts sit in for her. So what?People often hit "reply to all" accidentally. Or she might have done that so people would know why SIL was at the meeting despite not having a kid in the troupe. So ... why does it matter to anyone else that this mom is not attending in person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If SIL has a kid in the group, I'd be fine with it. She's acting as the responsible adult to collect the info that the parent needs. We had this all the time with our theater group- we had doctors, etc., and sometimes they couldn't make it to meetings. As long as they designated an adult and conveyed that in advance to the person in charge, I was ok with it. (one of my duties was to track who did and didn't show up and get the parent packets out to everyone) If the parent was a problem parent, I might have more trouble with it. Like, if at the parent meeting they discussed every parent needing to sign up for a job for show week and that parent was notorious for shirking duties, I might have to talk to the parent (because she missed the meeting) and make SURE she knew the expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Nothing makes me feel more rebellious than the word "mandatory." LOL. She is having someone she trusts sit in for her. So what? People often hit "reply to all" accidentally. Or she might have done that so people would know why SIL was at the meeting despite not having a kid in the troupe. So ... why does it matter to anyone else that this mom is not attending in person? You are now *required* to explain WHY the word "mandatory" makes you feel rebellious. Please attend the compulsory meeting to give your explanation. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 You are now *required* to explain WHY the word "mandatory" makes you feel rebellious. Please attend the compulsory meeting to give your explanation. :lol: No. You can't make me. :001_tt2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As a single working mom, I often send my sister (who is one of my part-time nannies) to kid stuff in my place. I am sure there are some people who think that is terrible, but I really don't care. If some people find it worthwhile to get upset about who someone else sends to the mandatory parent meeting, then some people need to find a better hobby IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 When I was growing up, my mom had a great deal of social anxiety. I was a good student, joiner, etc. but my mom never went to anything because she just couldn't make herself do it. It stinks to be the only kid who didn't have a parent go to parent/teacher night - especially when you're an A student and the teacher gives you funny looks the next day. I had many kind and generous aunts and uncles who did attend things with/for me, though. I was very grateful to them and to the teachers/group leaders/coaches who accepted this arrangement without judging. Kids can definitely pick up on the vibe if a group leader is miffed with them and/or the parents. While she wasn't up to attending meetings or much interaction, my mom was a great behind-the-scenes volunteer. She'd cook, sew, bake, and make sure I got everywhere I needed to be on time and prepared. I don't see the big deal about a parent not being physically present at the meeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 We just had a mandatory parent meeting for the Nutcracker, which has not been done in past years. I quietly grumbled about it, TBH, with the other moms at dance. However, one of the moms decided to corner the teacher after class one night to ask about the meeting, said she's basically BTDT and thinks it is a waste of time. The teacher had nothing to do with this meeting, and the "cornering" left me feeling uncomfortable. She then moved on to asking the director's husband, who happened to be at the studio that night. I booked it out of there as I didn't want to be part of that conversation. The next day I get a text from the same mom saying she emailed the admin person at the studio and said "we" were all discussing this mandatory meeting, there was nothing to be said that "we" didn't already know, that it was very inconvenient for "all" of us, etc. This mom texted a group of five women from our class (including me) all of this, and that the admin told her it wouldn't be held against the girls if we didn't attend. I was mortified. Yes, I mumble and grumble quietly about having to come back on a different night, requiring shuffling of schedules, etc. However (!) I was totally and utterly uncomfortable that she had made this a "we" situation without my knowledge or consent. While I did not really *want* to go, I also would never put the admin person on the spot about a mandatory meeting unless it was a very, very difficult situation for me to juggle (no childcare and Dh traveling for work or something, and it would have been very apologetic vs. confrontational). I should not have grumbled obviously, but I didn't think she was going to say "we" all thought the mandatory meeting was pointless. No, I didn't want to go, but yes, I understand it is mandatory, and I don't think I'm special, kwim? I did not respond to the text. I immediately emailed the admin person and said that I was very uncomfortable that I had been lumped in with the "we" in that email. I apologized and let her know I would be at the meeting. The spouse of one of the other women attended also. The admin person said she found it frustrating to come into work that day and read the email. We left it at that. So yes, I kind of dislike mandatory meetings and sometimes find them very inconvenient. I don't have totally reliable childcare, DH sometimes travels for work, and my 4 yo will not necessarily behave well in a meeting at 7pm, which is the start of bedtime for us generally speaking. However, I think it goes too far to send a snarky response, a "I'm special and shouldn't have to attend" response, etc. especially to a whole group. If someone truly could not attend, was reasonably apologetic, and didn't come at it from a "we were all talking and...." angle, I'm sure they would have been fine with it. But I was mortified to have been lumped into this "we" email! FWIW, the mom who initiated this has repeatedly behaved like a special snowflake for years. Her DD's hair is never up in a bun for ballet, despite on day one the teacher saying that was one of two things she really cared about. Each week the mom has a different excuse. This is her dd's fourth year of ballet :/ I'm sure the teacher is seething under the surface, but hasn't said anything yet. And the teacher isn't particularly a warm and fuzzy, "soft" personality, although I like her so far. During the dd's first two years of dance, the mom (and another mom) would allow their kids to take stuffed animals into class regularly, where there kids would be tossing them around. Unfortunately we had a younger teacher (young college age student) and I don't think she felt comfortable asserting herself with the somewhat intimidating "queen bee" type of parents. So this is not a new behavior for this woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I too had a mom who usually didn't attend stuff. Aside from having a job and 6 kids and health issues, she is agoraphobic. I never thought it was a big deal. My mom was there for the difficult issues, but I didn't have many of those, thankfully. My mom also didn't see the point of going to parent-teacher meetings for kids who were doing really well in school. She did when we were little, but she found it lame to make arrangements on a work day just to hear the teachers say "your kid is doing fine. Any questions?" As a parent myself, I have tried to go to stuff like my kids' performances, since they seem to care. However, I completely missed one last Friday (unexpectedly) because of a work crisis. We were all disappointed, but nobody died. I miss the back-to-school parent meeting every year because we always have an out-of-town conference on that day. I have asked the teachers to give me the info from that meeting but they have not, which I think is kind of rotten. There should always be more than one method of communication to convey something important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I won't lie. It did bother me, and at the time I couldn't see that she really COULDN'T make herself go to these events. I get it now, but it was hard at the time. I hope people can show some grace to kids whose parents may not outwardly appear to be participating or pulling their weight. It might not just be laziness or lack of caring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 It doesn't bother me that SIL is going to the meeting instead. It's the whiny tone. Her email could have been a simple. "Due to family conflicts, Susie's Aunt Lucy (my SIL) will be attending this meeting." Adding extra info about naps comes off as whining. We don't need to know why Aunt Lucy can't stay with the nappers--there may be good reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Not to make this too personal and take over your thread, but my mother never would have divulged the real reason she couldn't attend. She'd list 100 excuses - to herself, to me, to anyone - rather than acknowledge that it was anxiety keeping her home. And she would feel like she had to come up with some reason or other, as lame or as improbable as it sounded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 While I hate useless meetings, I also think it is disrespectful to the organizers (who probably don't want to be there, either) to just skip. Sending a sub is fine, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I think sending a sub is fine. The parent is taking it seriously; they just can't be there, for whatever reason. MOST of the time it's not because they are overly-dramatic or lazy. The fact that your example sent her SIL means she is taking it seriously. Honestly, parents have a lot more going on these days. I've sent my sister, SIL, and even my older children in place of me to parents' meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I think this thread is more dramatic than sending a sub to a parent meeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If the child has a responsible adult present, I'm not sure whether it matters if it's Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Betty, foster parent, etc . . . Which part of this mandatory meeting is Mom-specific? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 On its face I don't find that overly dramatic or "special snowflakey" at all. She has a reason she can't attend, so she arranges for a responsible adult to go in her stead. Some people mind find her excuse lame or weak, but you don't have her kids...or mine for that matter. She might have to choose between being "that parent" who skips the "mandatory" meeting or "that parent" who can't keep her poor exhausted toddler from melting down and being disruptive. She probably choose the "lesser of two evils." I've been there. Not every kid can skip a nap or nap with someone else--mine can't. If she had left it as a nebulous "other obligations" wording someone would be annoyed at that and speculate. What's wrong with being open and honest? I've had to adjust/cut back my involvement in things since having kids and discovering their particular needs. If I were very vague in my reasons that could be interpreted as disinterest. Thus I explain my conflicts most of the time. I probably wouldn't email the whole group, but that could have been an accident. Plus there is always this scenario: Other mom: Why isn't AndyJoy here? Leader: *eyeroll* Oh, some excuse about her kids. Maybe it's better to let everyone have the info and make their own judgement/interpretation as it's evidently going to happen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Just because some person placed the word "mandatory" in front of the word "meeting" doesn't actually mean it is necessary. I have been to many "mandatory" meetings, and not one of them actually required my presence! For all I know, it's the "mandatory meeting" lady who is the Queen Bee / Special Snowflake in the picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I agree, it is possible she copied everyone in order to avoid the telephone effect. Especially since it seems people may like to talk about her behind her back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 If the child has a responsible adult present, I'm not sure whether it matters if it's Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Betty, foster parent, etc . . . :iagree: 100% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Not to make this too personal and take over your thread, but my mother never would have divulged the real reason she couldn't attend. She'd list 100 excuses - to herself, to me, to anyone - rather than acknowledge that it was anxiety keeping her home. And she would feel like she had to come up with some reason or other, as lame or as improbable as it sounded. Exactly! My mom would get mysteriously "sick" and miss grandkids' birthday parties etc. People eventually got used to it. Not saying "that is my kids' nap time" is not an acceptable reason to miss a meeting. Had it been me, I would have said something lame like "I'm at work in the middle of the day." :P True, she could have just said "we have a conflict," but saying "nap time doesn't work for us" tells the organizer that the time period is not ever going to work until the kids are older, so if her presence is truly necessary, it's going to have to be at a different time. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Working moms do it all the time. "I don't work or take calls from 5:30pm to 10pm." If there is a real emergency, an exception will be made, but let's be honest - the meeting was not an emergency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As someone who has a "mandatory parent's meeting" tonight (ds has been on the team since the beginning, I know the drill, I talk to the coaches regularly,etc.), I wish I had a napping toddler I had to stay home with. I thought I might get out of it because my oldest was supposed to have drum lessons, but those are being cancelled tonight because his wrists are bothering him. I hate, detest, abhor, etc. mandatory meetings. I'm not an idiot. Please don't waste my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Although I am by nature a rule follower and team player, I will admit to having ducked my share of "mandatory" parent meetings. In my case, it's usually because I've been to the exact same meeting at least twice before. having gone through assorted contortions to make it possible for me to attend, only to discover that there was literally nothing said or done at that meeting that couldn't have been covered in a couple of e-mails and/or that the information imparted at the meeting was nearly identical to what I heard last year and the year before. I've off-loaded some of my usual responsibilities to my husband -- including asking the man with a bad back who finds driving physically painful to chauffeur our other child to and from rehearsals 45 minutes from the house -- so that I could make an appearance at such a meeting, only to get there and find that several other parents failed to show up and faced no consequences. At this point, I take announcements of "mandatory" meetings with a giant boulder of salt. I find it especially irritating when such meetings are scheduled -- without input from the group -- at a time that is outside the window normally set aside for the activity. If this group usually meets from 6:30 - 8:30 on Monday evenings, please know that my family can't promise to be available at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday morning; there's a darned good chance we have another commitment already in that slot. I guess what I'm saying is that, if a parent told me what this mom told you, I would likely be slightly irritated but mostly sympathetic. You really don't know why she made the decision she did. Maybe she has a child who is going through a phase in which he/she really NEEDS that nap but won's sleep without Mom there. Maybe Mom has had experiences similar to mine and has every reason to believe that this "mandatory" meeting will be as much as a waste of her time as most of the ones I attended on my kids' behalf were of mine. (This meeting could well be the exception, but she has no way of knowing that.) Maybe Mom, herself, is feeling overwhelmed at the moment and finds the prospect of rearranging the entire family's schedule to attend yet another "mandatory" meeting more than she can do this week. She's sending the child. She's sending an adult representative. She's doing her best. I'd let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I hope no one thinks I'm implying it is inherently special snowflakey to not attend. Sending an adult representative is fine. I don't know that I would send out my response to everyone, as that seems impolite to me at face value. In the scenario I was referencing above (re: dance), it was the way this mom was going about it. It was done in a way that came across as very "bulldozer." She was putting people on the spot and point blank saying she "didn't see the point" since her dd had participated in the Nutcracker for 4 years at that point. I get it, as my dd has too. But I think it is a little weird to approach the teacher, then the spouse of the director, and then the admin person with the attitude she had about it. And believe me, there is attitude. It wasn't said nicely at all. The text she sent to me regarding what she said to the admin made my jaw drop. Had she taken it up in a nicer way, and not lumped a bunch of people together, it would have come across differently. But the whole "ganging up" aspect combined with her tone was not appropriate in any way IMO. She didn't say she was going to say something about all of us objecting to this meeting; I assumed she was going to mention it was a hardship for *her* to attend. No, I didn't want to go, but I didn't feel comfortable at all with her tone with the admin person (who is very, very nice, and was obviously very turned off by what was said and how it was said). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As for the "special snowflake" comments, keep in mind that that works both ways. The organizers of these sorts of things can get a little special snowflakey themselves. I have three very active kids, and when the organizer of some dinky little activity that they're in (summer swim league, for example, when the swimmer in question is shooting for junior national cuts) gets annoyed that I do not attend her mandatory parent meeting to learn how a swim meet works, well--that's also special snowflake. I am not saying that is the case here (though I am a little baffled by the comment about there being more girls than boys), but it can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As for the "special snowflake" comments, keep in mind that that works both ways. The organizers of these sorts of things can get a little special snowflakey themselves. I have three very active kids, and when the organizer of some dinky little activity that they're in (summer swim league, for example, when the swimmer in question is shooting for junior national cuts) gets annoyed that I do not attend her mandatory parent meeting to learn how a swim meet works, well--that's also special snowflake. I am not saying that is the case here (though I am a little baffled by the comment about there being more girls than boys), but it can be. I so agree with this. And with others who pointed out that scheduling these meetings outside the activity's normal times is not helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I hope no one thinks I'm implying it is inherently special snowflakey to not attend. Sending an adult representative is fine. I don't know that I would send out my response to everyone, as that seems impolite to me at face value. In the scenario I was referencing above (re: dance), it was the way this mom was going about it. It was done in a way that came across as very "bulldozer." She was putting people on the spot and point blank saying she "didn't see the point" since her dd had participated in the Nutcracker for 4 years at that point. I get it, as my dd has too. But I think it is a little weird to approach the teacher, then the spouse of the director, and then the admin person with the attitude she had about it. And believe me, there is attitude. It wasn't said nicely at all. The text she sent to me regarding what she said to the admin made my jaw drop. Had she taken it up in a nicer way, and not lumped a bunch of people together, it would have come across differently. But the whole "ganging up" aspect combined with her tone was not appropriate in any way IMO. She didn't say she was going to say something about all of us objecting to this meeting; I assumed she was going to mention it was a hardship for *her* to attend. No, I didn't want to go, but I didn't feel comfortable at all with her tone with the admin person (who is very, very nice, and was obviously very turned off by what was said and how it was said). SInce you weren't there and I wasn't there, we don't know how the dissenter worded the message to the organizer. I would hope she would have been diplomatic and kind while also being honest. That said, I don't think it is wrong to say "I feel this way and others have expressed to me that they feel the same." I think it is simply honest. It may not be what the organizer wants to hear, but it might be what she *needs* to hear. Unless she gave your name specifically and repeated whatever you said without your permission, I don't think it was wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyacinth Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Just because some person placed the word "mandatory" in front of the word "meeting" doesn't actually mean it is necessary. I have been to many "mandatory" meetings, and not one of them actually required my presence! For all I know, it's the "mandatory meeting" lady who is the Queen Bee / Special Snowflake in the picture. Liking wasn't enough. Needed to quote and do this: :iagree: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I think it's reasonable to have a mandatory parent's meeting, communicated in advance. I think (from experience) that the participants deciding whether this mandatory meeting or any others are not mandatory creates problems. I'm not a fan of meetings in general. I personally feel that they are often inefficient and superfluous. Nonetheless, I think it is rude and problematic when participants engage with a program and then want to re-write, re-design or re-formulate the program. Many organizations for children's activities are run by volunteers or low paid individuals. I think it is reasonable and respectful to make every effort to honor reasonable requests. Other children, other needs, other activities are realities for every family. Every family, by definition, has unique circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I've given up on mandatory meetings. I used to have them for my co-op to benefit the people who didn't read the e-mails or the handbook. But then I realized that IF those people attended, they didn't listen or absorb any of the information anyway. So now I just send out the handbook and the e-mails, hope that somebody reads them, and answer the same questions over and over for the people who didn't. It's not worth wasting everyone's time over. I've also been to my share of meetings where the presenter took 45 minutes of information and turned it into a 3 hour presentation--ugh. But I do think that sending a responsible adult in the parent's place for a mandatory parent meeting is perfectly acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 We have all been to "mandatory" meeting that were a giant waste of time, but sometimes they are very important. I have been involved with two groups whose mandatory meeting were extremely important. We filled out forms, liability waivers, paid fees, and received placement information. No one was able to practice if they didn't have a parent (who could sign the liability waiver) there. Everyone managed to come. In another group, missing the mandatory meeting meant losing your kid's spot on the team and going to the bottom of the wait list. Maybe we need new words. The "not really mandatory-ignore at will" meeting. The "sort of mandatory-fine to miss for any excuse" meeting. The "mandatory mandatory-no really" meeting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I don't understand why some people are saying she's being "dramatic" about it. Maybe she felt pressured to give an excuse (the naps) that isn't 'the real reason, which she didn't feel comfortable sharing. I think I've done something similar...not having replied all, but giving a lame excuse because I felt like I had to give some excuse, but didn't really feel like explaining myself. I don't think I'm a special snowflake or anything, I just think that everyone has different circumstances, and you deal with them the best way you can. I'm just impressed she found another adult to take her place. She could have just skipped out altogether. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmyopinion Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 As an organizer, I have done away with MANDATORY meetings because, unless you have a penalty for not-attending, they are not mandatory. And ya' know what, I am not in the mood to hand out punishments. Instead, I have a "no complaints" policy. If you complain, you get the job. If you are not at a meeting, you don't get to comment. Did you miss something at the meeting? It is up to you to catch up. Didn't bother to read the email? Sorry for you. Want a policy change? Submit it in writing, completely developed and ready to implement and we will strongly consider. That is the trade off. It is not a punishment, just a realistic approach to a group which is 100% volunteer led. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 I just want to clarify, this is not my meeting, I did not make it manditory. I however am attending because it's maditory, my daughter loved drama troupe, but there are SO many girls that I think it's unfair if someone tgat doesn't follow the rules ends up above those that do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 She is sending a parent representative. My aunt and a family friend were authorized by my parents to sign me out and pick me up from school and activities. My parents has always signed any waivers/parent consent forms and I had just brought it back to school/class. I don't see what is the issue here with the SIL being the representative. I've seen plenty of grandparents for that matter at parents meeting and no one minds since the grandparents are the ones attending every practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 We have all been to "mandatory" meeting that were a giant waste of time, but sometimes they are very important. I have been involved with two groups whose mandatory meeting were extremely important. We filled out forms, liability waivers, paid fees, and received placement information. No one was able to practice if they didn't have a parent (who could sign the liability waiver) there. Everyone managed to come. In another group, missing the mandatory meeting meant losing your kid's spot on the team and going to the bottom of the wait list. Maybe we need new words. The "not really mandatory-ignore at will" meeting. The "sort of mandatory-fine to miss for any excuse" meeting. The "mandatory mandatory-no really" meeting. But in this day and age, every one of those tasks could have been completed somewhere else and at some other time, and the forms and payment could have been delivered by mail, email or the child. We've bought and sold houses without any in-person meetings; surely soccer tots could be conducted with less face-to-face time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 The only mistake she made was replying to the whole email list, instead of just to the organizer/director. A mistake I know I've made, and I'm sure that most of us have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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