The Girls' Mom Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Here, I don't think it would be tacky. But then again, I've never seen the logic in forking over a ton of cash for a wedding. ETA: My perfectly lovely wedding was catered by my aunts and cousins who brought covered dishes and made our cake. Our DJ was a radio plugged into the wall. Our wedding was right around $500 total, including my dress. What got people's feathers ruffled? We didn't open our wedding gifts (all 100+ of them) at the reception o.O ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Meh. Weddings, IMO, are way too often blown out of proportion the other way. Massive amounts of money blown on one day. I'd rather see a potluck or backyard BBQ, actually. With more focus on the marriage and lifelong commitment and less on the wedding day. I tend to agree with this. I would rather see the pendulum swing away from crazy expensive weddings because there is too much emphasis on the wedding vs the marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 We had a cake and punch reception after a 2 p.m. wedding. No dancing. We did have a quartet that sang at the reception, and all the ladies were given a long-stemmed carnation. We invited about 200 people to watch us get married at our church. They came because they wanted to honor us, not so they could get a free dinner. I'm sorry if they were bored. They were free to go home and enjoy the rest of their day. Now, if it was a small, family only, outdoor country wedding, I think potluck would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 That's great! I attended a wedding where the best man was a mean drunk. At the reception, he beat his fiance bloody and the cops had to come. Needless to say that was about the worst day of the bride's life. Ever since then, I've been wondering about the best way to have a traditional wedding without alcohol. Oddly, I think there might be a happy-medium between a completely dry event and people drinking to the point of violence... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have mixed feelings. Small, event at a park or simple venue with local nearest and dearest family and freinds? Potluck seems fine. Family/freinds volunteering to provide food for a large event? Great. Fancy, dress up venue for 200+ while including registry info in your invite and a requirement for everyone to bring a dish Not so great, especially if some guests are travelling. It is about feel and intention. I actually have no problem declining invitations that do not feel sincere. If you are close family or freind, I will step up and ask how I can help. I barely know you and you live a distance that would require a hotel? Meh - maybe not. Anyone that uses the cost of a wedding as an excuse not to get married does not really want a marriage. You can get married for almost nothing if you want to. I do agree weddings have gotten large and overblown. But if you can afford it, rock on. The bigger problem is feeling like it is a birth right to have a several showers, huge, high end weddings, and a million gifts regardless of the couple's current financial status. My DH and I paid for our own wedding without debt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 On no alcohol policies, I get choosing to not serve alcohol and choosing to have someone announce it before the guests leave for the reception, but it won't avoid all nasty drunk situations. You have to face reality and just not invite nasty drunks to your wedding and reception, not matter how closely related to you they are. It isn't worth it. If you choose to gamble and insist on inviting the drunk, have a plan before hand about exactly how things will be handled and who exactly will handle it. My husband's sister had a father in law who missed the entire wedding ceremony because he was drinking at his hotel and showed up drunk to the reception. The groom's step-dad threw the guy out. About 5 years later the father in law, according to the forensics and crime scene experts, had a drunken brawl with his girlfriend, shot her in the back with a shot gun as she was running away from him and then shot himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I despise potluck. My mother instilled her phobia of eating from unknown people's kitchens in me and I just can't (think dog hairs, possibly defective hygiene, etc.). I'd be the person staking out the KFC. I'd send my regrets and a check if I could. If not, I'd put in an appearance, hand over the envelope, congratulate the couple and get the heck out of there. I would not, under any circumstance, eat Aunt Mimi's tater tot surprise casserole, especially if she owns a Shih Tzu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I've never been to a potluck wedding, but the closer to marriage my older kids get, the more appealing it seems. ;) Some church cultures are all about communal food sharing, so I voted Not Tacky. I would have zero issues being invited to one. I would probably bring a giant plate of pretty cut up fruit. And lots of seltzer water. I'm counting on my kids being pragmatic. Maybe no potluck, :) but perhaps an evening cocktail reception in my garden with champagne and a lovely cake, w/ musician friends providing music. A mother can hope, no? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 My wedding all the local guests brought food, all the guests that traveled were not requested to. My wedding guests were mostly from the church group we were associated with at the time. Every single person who attended has told me repeatedly over the years that it was the best wedding they had ever attended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 We had alcohol at our wedding. Our venue did not allow beer or spirits, but wine was fine and that's what we wanted anyway. No one got drunk, and only one person gave a mild complaint because he was a beer man, not a wine drinker. I don't remember if he partook of the wine or not - I wasn't paying attention. The venue said that in their experience, events with wine did not produce the damage that events with beer and spirits did. Regarding the bride who was worried that her guests are going to have a bad time and dislike her wedding.... that's a bit sad. People should be confident in their choices but of course they should also know that they can't please everyone. It does help to understand the basics of etiquette and cultural/regional customs. Though I got lots of nice feedback from guests about my wedding, I suppose there were some people who were unhappy, like my beer-loving friend. (BTW when he got married I bought them a set of beer glasses.) A wedding catered by family members is not potluck. Homemade weddings are lovely. If I'd had the family manpower to do it, I'd have been happy to have my wedding catered by home cooks. That's completely different than asking all/most of the guests to bring food and I don't understand why the two different types of parties are being confused. I really wish the word "hate" wasn't so overused now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 It has nothing to do with the location of your wedding, it has to do with tradition. Having grown up in a very conservative Christian environment, I have attended MANY weddings with no dancing at all.I have not attended a wedding with a potluck dinner, but I could see in a small community that that wouldn't be a bad thing necessarily, if that were the norm. Dawn I just heard about another potluck wedding in my area. I went to one five years ago and they didn't have any dancing, not even for the bride and groom. It was a boring reception and people only stayed 1-2 hours.Now, I grew up in the northeast where weddings are a big deal. While I am very frugal, the idea of only spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding with no entertainment and where everyone had to cook bothers me (unless maybe if the family paying is poor, that would be different). Where I live now, the quiverful crowd of our former church seems to favor weddings that are less elaborate than most people's Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners. It seems really cheap to me, like the parents are afraid of setting a precent for their large families of spending much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I go to potlucks about 2x per week these days. Our Co-op does pot luck every Thursday. Our scout troop does pot luck about once per month. Our homeschool group does pot luck about once per month. Our church small group does two pot lucks per month. I truly cannot imagine NOT having potlucks on a regular basis. I despise potluck. My mother instilled her phobia of eating from unknown people's kitchens in me and I just can't (think dog hairs, possibly defective hygiene, etc.). I'd be the person staking out the KFC.I'd send my regrets and a check if I could. If not, I'd put in an appearance, hand over the envelope, congratulate the couple and get the heck out of there. I would not, under any circumstance, eat Aunt Mimi's tater tot surprise casserole, especially if she owns a Shih Tzu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I voted other. Yeah, I think it's tacky from a "generally accepted practices" view. On a person-to-person level, I couldn't care less how someone chooses to celebrate a wedding. And I'm not obligated to attend any I'm invited to. I passed up a fancy wedding b/c I don't particularly like the couple. I'd happily go to and enjoy a potluck wedding for people I love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 And entertainment doesn't have to cost much. With iPods people could probably get away without a DJ. We paid $300 for a charicature artist and that kept the non-dancing guests quite entertained. We had a different flavor cake on each table as the centerpiece with got the guests mingling as they went around trying different flavors. People still talk about that. The cakes were only about $12 each. What great ideas! I especially love the idea of a caricature artist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 That more or less obligatory nature of the invitation makes further demands particularly onerous. Yes, this is my feeling as well. I don't particularly love going to weddings, but if I felt the obligation to make food, I would really resent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Whatever happened to being a gracious guest? Or, if the event is too hideous to fathom attending, graciously declining the invite? Why not focus on the reason for the event, and not the minutiae of it? Exactly! I love that people do things differently, throw parties that have each person's (or couple's) personal flair. express some individuality. As a guest, I enjoy the opportunity to be included in the celebration and to experience events with different flavors. I'm honored that the host(s) care enough about me to want me with them on that day. I don't think they "owe" me entertainment and food just because I bothered to show up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Whatever happened to being a gracious guest? Nothing. It's still a thing. Having general opinions about weddings does not preclude anyone from being a gracious guest and celebrating with the couple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 "Haters gonna hate." It's an expression, usually used to say that people are going to complain about something if they don't like it, it's not their taste, or it's not their way. Thanks for the explanation. I've heard of the saying, but it's not used in my social circle, so I assumed it refered to hate, not complaining, I get the feeling that some people equate saying anything but nice things about a particular event as complaining. Saying that the wedding was boring to people who know the couple would be incredibily tacky. Talking about it over and over the week after the event would be awful. Maybe I'm dense, but I don't see how either of those is the same as mentioning on an anonymous board that I once attended a boring reception of a couple I barely knew. I'm not mad about it or anything, more confused really. Considering how fast the guests cleared out, I may not have been the only one who expected to see a first dance and have other things going on (while the families were conservative, these weren't anti-dancing churches). On the other hand, I have only been to four weddings other than my own, so maybe it is common for the bride and groom to leave the reception quickly and for most people to bail right after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 7, 2014 Author Share Posted September 7, 2014 Having general opinions about weddings does not preclude anyone from being a gracious guest and celebrating with the couple. Thank you. It seems to me that many people are assuming that any guest who says anything negative about a wedding to people who don't know the couple is a bad guest that probably should have stayed home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Not too long ago I received a wedding invitation that included a request to bring some sort of room temperature finger food. We were told it was not required, but to let the bride know if we could not bring something so she could contact the caterer to have them provide more food. Huh? That sure felt like a requirement to me. Who's going to do call her and say no, I'm not going to bring food? No one I knew did, and it wasn't because we were so excited to take food. This sounds like a wedding I would decline to go to. I'd still send a gift, though. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Up here I've seen BBQ weddings, and there are lots of weddings where the family and friends will make the salads ahead of time and pre-grease, poke, and wrap the potatoes for baked potatoes and then just have someone come in to deal with the meat, cooking the potatoes, and setting everything out. It makes it much cheaper. I have never seen anyone do a potluck wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 It's amazing to me how people openly judge other people's weddings- they spent too much, they spent too little, they invited too many people, why wasn't I invited?!, I can't believe they didn't dance, I was bored, I was too hot, can you believe they served alcohol?!, how boring- no open bar..... Um....it's not about you. And if you think it is, just do everyone a favor and stay home. I have absolutely loved every single wedding I've ever been to. It's a holy moment and I'm just honored to be present. It is amazing to me how some people don't want other people to even have an opinion. She was asking for opinions. If you don't like reading threads that include opinions, just ignore them. In a sense you are judging these people for not having the same opinion as you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 On no alcohol policies, I get choosing to not serve alcohol and choosing to have someone announce it before the guests leave for the reception, but it won't avoid all nasty drunk situations. You have to face reality and just not invite nasty drunks to your wedding and reception, not matter how closely related to you they are. It isn't worth it. If you choose to gamble and insist on inviting the drunk, have a plan before hand about exactly how things will be handled and who exactly will handle it. My husband's sister had a father in law who missed the entire wedding ceremony because he was drinking at his hotel and showed up drunk to the reception. The groom's step-dad threw the guy out. About 5 years later the father in law, according to the forensics and crime scene experts, had a drunken brawl with his girlfriend, shot her in the back with a shot gun as she was running away from him and then shot himself. This is actually one reason we ended up driving 5 states away to get married. We wanted no alcohol there because we knew what happens at weddings in our families-a lot of belligerence and we would have kids there. I also was not able to foot the bill and I knew there would be recovering alcoholics there. My MIL threw a fit about that amongst other issues and I said screw it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Do you all throw potluck birthday parties for kids too? We've done BBQ's in the fall where we provide the meat and asked people to bring sides & drinks. The years that the kids haven't had an official birthday party, we do typically have a cake and sing "Happy Birthday" to them. Does that count? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 This is actually one reason we ended up driving 5 states away to get married. We wanted no alcohol there because we knew what happens at weddings in our families-a lot of belligerence and we would have kids there. I also was not able to foot the bill and I knew there would be recovering alcoholics there. My MIL threw a fit about that amongst other issues and I said screw it. Good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I think weddings should be about celebrating a couple starting their life together. How the food gets on the table for that celebration doesn't matter to me because to me that's not the point of it. If I were invited to a potluck wedding, I'd go with a joyous heart and a dish of food to help people I care about celebrate a new phase in their lives. I'd be glad that they weren't going into debt or sticking their families with a large bill to have an elaborate wedding. I realize many people can afford their catered receptions, and that's fine, but I don't think that choosing to spend a lot of money on wedding food makes one somehow better (less tacky) than those who take a more economical approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Potluck weddings are not tacky, they're awesome. I wish I'd thought of that when we were marrying. More fun, lower stress, lower cost. I voted always tacky, because it may be less stress and less cost for the bride/groom, but it's rude/tacky to pass the stress of the meal planning and the cost of the meal to your guests. I vote for cake only if you cannot afford to provide a meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 See, I'm not buying into the "potluck saves money and is therefore economically responsible" thing. It may save money for the families of the bride and groom, but all those dishes still cost time and money. Possibly more than catering would. They've just transferred the cost to someone else. If that's how it's done in their culture, fine; as someone mentioned, it will be reciprocated over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 And I think many people size their $$ gift based partly on an estimate of the wedding cost per attendee. So if it's a potluck, that could result in smaller gifts, i.e., lower funds to cover costs and fund the honeymoon etc. The economic argument just isn't cutting it for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I voted always tacky, because it may be less stress and less cost for the bride/groom, but it's rude/tacky to pass the stress of the meal planning and the cost of the meal to your guests. I vote for cake only if you cannot afford to provide a meal. See, I'm not buying into the "potluck saves money and is therefore economically responsible" thing. It may save money for the families of the bride and groom, but all those dishes still cost time and money. Possibly more than catering would. They've just transferred the cost to someone else. If that's how it's done in their culture, fine; as someone mentioned, it will be reciprocated over time. Yes! I was trying to figure out how to say this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Yeah, and you don't want six people to bring green bean casserolle.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 It would cause me more stress. lol What should my invitation say? Do I need to make a note of where to drop off food... in my wedding invitation?? What did everyone bring? Did they keep their food at the right temp? Was there enough fridge space? Enough outlets for crockpots? Are people going to be frazzled and running late because they have to put their food somewhere before the wedding starts? Are people going to leave their large serving utensils in the reception hall kitchen sink for someone else to deal with/match back up to the right owner? Did anyone leave their food in their car for an extended period by accident? :willy_nilly: Attention to detail can be a curse :laugh: Totally agree. It sounds more stressful to both the hosts *and* the guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 And I think many people size their $$ gift based partly on an estimate of the wedding cost per attendee. So if it's a potluck, that could result in smaller gifts, i.e., lower funds to cover costs and fund the honeymoon etc. The economic argument just isn't cutting it for me. I agree. It's shifting around the same amount of money. It isn't increasing anything. Unless the gathering is very small so it's easy to coordinate, I can honestly imagine a huge amount of desserts coming, and not much for main dishes or salads which cost more to make and have to be kept hot or cold during transport adding another layer of complexity to the day if one is a guest that doesn't live within 15 minutes of the venue and then the issue of arriving and seeking out the people in charge of the kitchen, hoping there is room in the frig or oven or enough plugs for all the crock pots, and taking dirty dishes home later. I really think that either the family as a larger unit needs to take care of the food and keep it simple enough that they can afford to do so, or the reception should not be through a meal time. Get married at 1:30, have your pictures done by 2:30, have cake and fruit punch with your guests, dance a couple of numbers, and call it quits. That is perfectly fine. I also think it's fine to have a limited reception that lasts only a couple of hours, and then the bride and groom, immediate family, and bridal party could go to a restaurant or to someone's home for a meal together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I don't think they're tacky - though I do get the idea of hosting including the food rather than putting it on the guests. I love the idea of a potluck wedding, but my DH's culture is big on providing food = hospitality, they would have felt awkward asking guests to bring food. That said, we had a formal wedding reception but still didn't have dancing - not even a 'wedding dance'. DH and I refused to go along with tradition on that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 What about for guests that are traveling? I've travelled up to 3000mi. for a wedding. If that had been a potluck wedding there is no way I could've handled the stress of going when I was already travelling. I have yet to go to a wedding that didn't have at least a small percentage of the guests coming from out of town. So do the in towners now have to carry the load of making sure there is enough food at the potluck to cover for the out of towners? Or do people that are travelling have to come up with a way to get food to the wedding too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Possibly more than catering would. They've just transferred the cost to someone else. I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I agree. It's shifting around the same amount of money. It isn't increasing anything. Unless the gathering is very small so it's easy to coordinate, I can honestly imagine a huge amount of desserts coming, and not much for main dishes or salads which cost more to make and have to be kept hot or cold during transport adding another layer of complexity to the day if one is a guest that doesn't live within 15 minutes of the venue and then the issue of arriving and seeking out the people in charge of the kitchen, hoping there is room in the frig or oven or enough plugs for all the crock pots, and taking dirty dishes home later. I really think that either the family as a larger unit needs to take care of the food and keep it simple enough that they can afford to do so, or the reception should not be through a meal time. Get married at 1:30, have your pictures done by 2:30, have cake and fruit punch with your guests, dance a couple of numbers, and call it quits. That is perfectly fine. I also think it's fine to have a limited reception that lasts only a couple of hours, and then the bride and groom, immediate family, and bridal party could go to a restaurant or to someone's home for a meal together. I think this is something a lot of people don't get. If an event is scheduled during a typical mealtime for that culture, people are going to expect a meal. It is perfectly fine not to offer a meal as long as it's not over a typical mealtime or "dinner hour." The time of the event sets the guests' expectations. Or should, anyway. But when people veer from that it can cause confusion. People (I don't mean anyone here, talking in general) often sneer at "the rules" of etiquette, but those rules help people make sense of the expectations and obligations of hosts and guests. ETA: Probably guidelines is a better word than rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. Yikes! Mine was catered for a tiny fraction of that by one of Mom's friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. My family's weddings never cost anything near that much money for just the food. Or even for the whole package. People bringing a pot luck meal to an important event are going to go all out and cook their signature dish. Catered meals will include one or maybe two "fancy" items, and ordinary boring stuff for sides. Experienced caterers have the advantage of buying in bulk and having an established, blue-collar staff, and may even use on-site kitchen facilities, all of which make things efficient enough to charge an affordable price. If your $100 includes the use of the location, dishes, linens, cleaning staff, parking, etc., then you don't save that money by making it a pot luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. Wow, so a wedding of 200 would cost $20,000+ just for the food! Our prices are nowhere near that around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. Obviously, it would be cheaper due to not paying some else's profit. But still, this is putting the cost of the food off on the guests. Additionally, it is a disaster if one does not specify what the guest should bring and how much of it in order to make sure there is enough to go around and isn't all desserts when one as advertised a meal. It is rude, just plain rude to dictate this to guests. So sure the parents get to save the money of feeding the guests by putting the economic burden on the guests. In our area, $22.95 per head for a two meat buffet with one kind of potato, one kind of cooked vegetable, salad with a choice of three dressings , carrots and celery with dip, and mints on the table. Beverages are $3.95 per head for unlimited non alcoholic drinks, and another 3.95 - $5.95 per head for desserts beside the wedding cake depending on how elaborate one wants to get with those offerings. This usually includes white tablecloths and white linen napkins. Colors are an additional cost. Facility rentals run around $500.00 and seating is only up to 250...rural county so options are limited and we are surrounded by rural counties with the same issue so huge wedding receptions have to take place in the city where everything is a lot more expensive. So 200 people would cost roughly $6000.00, $30.00 a head without decorations. In terms of a family done buffet without putting potluck off on the guests, the supermarket sells large sliced hams at about fifty cents per serving. If one did a luncheon buffet wedding, rolls or bakery bread, pasta salad and green salad, fresh veggies and dip, and fruit salad with sheet cakes, I would imagine it could be done for $5.00 - $6.00 a head if one stuck to inexpensive, in season fruits and veggies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. I was starting to wonder what everyone makes for a potluck that is so expensive. :lol: Dh has brought macademia-encrusted tuna to a picnic and it wasn't THAT expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Wow, so a wedding of 200 would cost $20,000+ just for the food! Our prices are nowhere near that around here. St Johns onnthe river and the Westin in Southfield start at $75.00 a head! Ouch! (Detroit area) But, there are lots of options that do not come close to that. However, if one is not cooking it oneself and has to hire it done, the caterer is in business to make money so I've not seen anything for less than $22.95 per person. I think as prices continue to increase while wages are stagnant that cake receptions may become the new normal, that or eloping! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I said always tacky. I can totally not understand not going all out on a wedding. I would never spend more than 10% of of the yearly salary of the highest earner. But, if you can't afford to have a meal on your budget, then don't have one. And, don't have the reception over a meal time. I went to a lovely wedding of some friend's of DH's. It was scheduled for "The weekend after they were both officially divorced". They were high school sweethearts who had married other people disastrously. It started early afternoon. There was a white sheet cake and sodas in an ice bucket. There was plenty of cake and plenty of sodas. I think there was a boom box playing background music, but no dancing. It lasted a couple of hours, and I think that is fine eta: I don't think comparing a potluck reception to a country club wedding is a good comparison. . It isn't as if those are your only choices. There is a middle ground. We married not that many years ago in a large metropolitan area that isn't the most expensive area to get married in, but it is in the top 5. We married in a club lodge and the caterer charged us $13/head for a choice of Prime Rib or Salmon with some really yummy veggie side dishes. My caterer doesn't set up a booth at the bridal show, but anyone can hire her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Obviously, it would be cheaper due to not paying some else's profit. But still, this is putting the cost of the food off on the guests. Additionally, it is a disaster if one does not specify what the guest should bring and how much of it in order to make sure there is enough to go around and isn't all desserts when one as advertised a meal. It is rude, just plain rude to dictate this to guests. So sure the parents get to save the money of feeding the guests by putting the economic burden on the guests. In our area, $22.95 per head for a two meat buffet with one kind of potato, one kind of cooked vegetable, salad with a choice of three dressings , carrots and celery with dip, and mints on the table. Beverages are $3.95 per head for unlimited non alcoholic drinks, and another 3.95 - $5.95 per head for desserts beside the wedding cake depending on how elaborate one wants to get with those offerings. This usually includes white tablecloths and white linen napkins. Colors are an additional cost. Facility rentals run around $500.00 and seating is only up to 250...rural county so options are limited and we are surrounded by rural counties with the same issue so huge wedding receptions have to take place in the city where everything is a lot more expensive. So 200 people would cost roughly $6000.00, $30.00 a head without decorations. In terms of a family done buffet without putting potluck off on the guests, the supermarket sells large sliced hams at about fifty cents per serving. If one did a luncheon buffet wedding, rolls or bakery bread, pasta salad and green salad, fresh veggies and dip, and fruit salad with sheet cakes, I would imagine it could be done for $5.00 - $6.00 a head if one stuck to inexpensive, in season fruits and veggies. The buffet wouldn't be that cheap around here. What you describe would be $50-$75 a head but might include non-alcoholic beverages (like a few kinds of punch), and an additional $10-$15 for desserts. You might be able to go cheaper if you pick individual items. ETA: The go-to around here is pasta and that tends to be less expensive also. I will say you can get a hall cheaper, if you go with a Mason or VFW, and the options are extensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I have a hard time seeing how potluck would wind up costing ANYBODY the $100+ per head that a catered, sit-down meal at a country club, hotel, or nice restaurant often costs. But you're not bringing potluck into a nice restaurant or hotel. You're bringing your own tablecloths (or renting them) and renting a hall or having it in someone's home. At the nice restaurant you're paying for much more than the food. Wait staff? Cleanup? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I think the line between "Whatever works for the happy couple" and "I'm staying home unless I know their phone number by heart because that is too tacky" is that it's an imposition. I'm not going to complain about anybody's decorations (or lack of them), etc. If I already have to RSVP, pick out weather-appropriate and venue-appropriate clothing and possibly buy a new purse and shoes, shop for a gift, arrange for childcare, dress up, GPS my way there and probably sacrifice most of a Saturday... you had better be my sibling (or equivalent) if you're going to ask me for food too. I'd rather couples avoided mealtimes and just served cake and water (and I wouldn't even expect the cake to taste good, as wedding cakes seldom do). I wouldn't have considered a potluck for our wedding anyway, as nearly everyone was from out of state. One friend did make our cake and drove it here with another friend protecting it during a 9-hour car ride, but that was her idea, not mine! (And it was adorable.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 What got people's feathers ruffled? We didn't open our wedding gifts (all 100+ of them) at the reception o.O ) I've never heard of a couple opening their gifts at the reception so I'm surprised that upset people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clear Creek Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 OK so I have a practical question. If all the food is provided by guests, but no one is required to bring anything, what happens if a majority of people don't bring anything? Then there is not going to be enough food, right? Not too long ago I received a wedding invitation that included a request to bring some sort of room temperature finger food. We were told it was not required, but to let the bride know if we could not bring something so she could contact the caterer to have them provide more food. Huh? That sure felt like a requirement to me. Who's going to do call her and say no, I'm not going to bring food? No one I knew did, and it wasn't because we were so excited to take food. Ok, let me explain; maybe I can answer some of the questions in this thread (not just yours, marbel). The potluck idea for the wedding I attended yesterday came from a conversation among several ladies in our church, myself included. The bride was upset because the couple could not afford to pay $4000 for catering ($20/person), so it looked like the couple was going to have to cut their guest list by 75% in order to be able to pay for catering at the reception. That 75% included everyone from our church, as well as their friends and co-workers. She felt that she really needed to provide a meal at the reception, but she thought it would be rude to have a reception that only family members could attend, so the only solution she could see would be to just invite family to the wedding. We told her that if she made it a potluck, she could count on her church family to provide the food for the reception. We all adore this girl; we have watched her grow up in our church, and there was no way everyone was missing out on celebrating her big day just because she couldn't afford to feed us. The bride included a note in the invitations that were addresed to the church members that the reception would be a potluck and to let the groom's mother know what you were planning on bringing if you chose to help out this way. She kept track of who was bringing what; this way they could be sure they wouldn't have 18 salads and no main dishes, and also that there would be enough food. Family members who had to travel to attend the wedding and casual friends were not asked to bring a dish. Several ladies from our church volunteered to serve in the kitchen at the reception hall, so no one had to leave deviled eggs out all afternoon or make a detour across town to pick up their dish before the reception. The food was kept hot/cold until it was time to serve. The kitchen opened two hours prior to the wedding so people could drop off their food whenever it was convenient for them before the wedding. There was plenty of food; in fact, there was more than enough. There were almost two refrigerators full of leftovers at the end of the evening. No one spent a burdensome amount of money, and no one spent anywhere near what it would have cost the couple to have fed their family - I think I spent about $8 on my dish, and it would have cost them $100 to feed us. The gift table was overflowing, and knowing the guests like I do, no one deducted the cost of the dish they prepared from the gift they gave the couple - both were separate gifts, given out of love. The wedding was lovely, the reception was a blast, and the only comments I overheard about the food at the reception were positive - no one there thought the potluck buffet was tacky. I think they all secretly appreciated not having to eat dry chicken and rice pilaf. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Since I now have a professional event planning business, all of this is fascinating to me. (I do not cater. HATE TO COOK!!!) The VFW hall here can only seat 150 according to fire code and costs $350.00 to rent for one day. You get the use of their tables and chairs, but no table linens. Plastic would help keep the cost down considerably with paper plates and napkins. But linens are $7.00 each for a round that will fit a 60" table and a little more for an oblong for an 8' banquet table. Napkins rent for 50 cents each. A 60" round should not have more than 5 chairs because it otherwise is way too crowded for the guests to comfortably get out of their seats. An 8 ft. banquet can have up to 4 guests per side if one is willing to put people "on the table legs" which means straddling the leg and not pulling the chair up all the way, otherwise 6 is standard. So roughly 25 tables plus food, cake, and gift tables. Many of these lower priced facilities do not own that many tables and chairs so one would need to rent tables at $10.00 each and chairs at $3.00 each. Our church has enough tables and chairs to seat $300.00, but the fellowship hall is not big enough to do that without the fire marshall issuing a big fine. (We have lots of small education rooms thus the extra tables and chairs as each room is very well outfitted.) So the price definitely goes north of $30.00 a head if one is renting the facility and seating more than say 125ish. I think our largest catering business in the county can accomodate white linens for 150 but not more for certain. Plated meals are of course a lot more expensive because while serving sizes are controlled so less food is purchased, it means having a waitstaff instead of just a kitchen staff and usually means china is being used as well. Around here, dinner, salad, dessert, coffee cup with saucer, and goblet will run around $2.75 a head plus damage deposit which is of course refundable. This is low end china...white with a gold or silver narrow band. It looks reasonably nice. Name brand china is well, a budget buster to rent. I've priced it out for one of my clients - Lenox white and gold - and the mother just about fainted! I am too darn practical to encourage such things though I'd make more money if I did! LOL...mostly I work with budgets south of $10,000 and for many I am not hired to coordinate...the mob or mog takes care of that, but for creating bridal party flowers and custom table centerpieces or for doing the decorating. My partner and I excel at making a ceremony and reception look fantastic on a budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.