I'm a little disappointed in myself as a mother.

[Desert Strawberry]

I only have 4 kids. I'm expecting #5. Of all my pregnancies, this has by been the easiest. 

I don't feel overwhelmed, or over my head, but I feel, I don't know, maxed out. Like it's just too much work. I can't keep up. I'm falling short. 

This sounds self-pitying, and I don't mean it that way at all. I guess I'm just surprised that I'm finding this difficult. It's not. I'm not sick. I feel ok. But I'm short tempered and cranky, and that makes me sad. I'm a bit worried how I'm going to manage another baby, and all my other kids, and keep my house running. I guess I feel a bit outmatched. And worn out. 

 

 I know in the scheme of things, my kids are not difficult. I have had 2 colicky babies who have grown into challenging children. They are far enough apart that I have never felt overwhelmed.

 

I always wanted a large family. To me 5 kids is a lot. When I was growing up, the largest families I knew had 5. 5 seemed enormous and wonderful. But now I know so many families this size and larger, I feel like this is no big deal. 

 

I am so happy for this baby. For all my babies. We weren't sure this would happen. And it feels like such an amazing blessing. My boys love each other intensely and are thrilled with having another. And yet, I am not pleased with the way I am handling it. 

 

Maybe I could get some encouragement, or shake me by the shoulders and tell me to snap out of it. 

 

 

[PrairieSong]

First, congratulations!

 

We have seven kids and I always wanted a big family, too, but of course I got overwhelmed at times. I think the hardest part was when the kids were younger...like 6 and under. As they got older they could help out more, and their needs changed. When I felt overwhelmed it always helped to talk to other moms.

 

What is it that stresses you out the most? Running the house? Being up at night with the baby and being tired? School work? Or just plain juggling everything?

[Mrs Mungo]

I am pretty sure all of us fall short of our ideal. All of us have periods of time and seasons where we feel overwhelmed. Is there anything you think might help that is feasible? Getting some outside help (babysitter, mother's helped, house cleaner?)? Taking more time for yourself? Ordering pizza once a week?

[KrissiK]

Aww, honey, don't beat yourself up. I have five, too and some days I just say to myself, "what was I thinking?" And I love my kids to death! Really! Being a mom is hard. Especially in today's culture where everyone looks like they have it all together, and they act like they have it all together.... it's easy to compare ourselves and it seems like we don't measure up! But we are all human, and we all mess up every day! And the best bit of parenting advice I ever got was from Susan Schaeffer MacCauley in "For the Children's Sake". She said, "your kids do 't need a perfect mom. Just one that's good enough!" Hang in there!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

<3 Accept the fatigue as part of it, just another logistical problem to be solved like laundry and cooking. Mothers aren't machines. We get tired, which affects our patience, mood, and outlook. Not being 100% in patience, mood, and outlook is not a symptom of failure or bad motherhood. It's often just a sign of needing more breaks and rest.

[bolt.]

Congrats!

 

Even if you are not sick, you are still expending energy to grow that baby inside. You need some emotional slack. A family life that is "less than truly ideal" is still very far from anything actually being wrong with it. Ideals are for *knowing* what perfect would be like, they aren't for actually achieving. Nobody does.

 

Everyone being safe, fed, moderately clean, and aware that they are loved unconditionally -- that's enough for short seasons. (Plus education as a homeschooler.) Other priorities matter, and they can be added to the basics as you energy level allows. "Let it go..."

[Desert Strawberry]

i'm sure a big part of it is that we are ever-so-slowly fixing the house. The roof still leaks in the kitchen even though D has been working on it for weeks. The kitchen cabinets have been emptied for a week while he's working on the cabinets, I have 1/3 of  bathroom floor because I can't manage to finish the floor boards. There's just an abundance of work to be done and no time or energy to get it done. 

The kids have been naughty, and I'm just having such a hard time keeping them in line and being kind about it. I don't handle disobedience well at all. I really don't. 

 

Then there's all the cooking and cleaning that is just part of life. Ugh. I'm whining, and I hate that. 

 

It's just juggling everything. How am I going to keep my destructive 5 year old from dissembling my house (he took the screws out of the antique brass door knobs. Where the heck do I get replacements for those?), give my 3 yo enough attention, keep my impulsive 8yo from injuring someone, and manage to teach everyone, keep the house reasonably clean, and feed everyone. Which reminds me, I haven't eaten anything yet, and it's nearly 10 am. 

 

Oh, and we have to save a couple thousand $$ in the next few months, so anything that costs money is out. No family help, and D will be travelling for work half of next month. 




 

[PrincessMommy]

congratulations!!   We all fall short of our ideal... and as, bolt. said, this is a short season.    But, it *is* a lot of work being preggy with 4 littles too.  Give yourself some slack to be tired and cranky.  Explain to the kids that this is normal for pregnant moms.  Hang in there... :grouphug:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Congratulations.  And give yourself a break.  I have 3 kids, my youngest is 14, and I often feel maxed out with little left to give.  I popped in to drop off something for my friend who runs a daycare in her home.  All her kids are grown and she has so much energy for these little ones - a baby, a toddler and a 2 preschoolers.  I just wanted to go home and take a nap.  

 

ETA:  I meant to say that I think you are superwoman.

[bolt.]

Renovation sucks.

 

Put a carpet piece over the un-floored bathroom and call it "moderately safe" and forget about it for a while. No one is hurt by waiting.

 

Try to imagine the cupboards don't exist. You are camping or something, where you have to use the counter for everything. Let the cupboards surprise you if/when they become functional.

 

Leaking is bad, but unless you can take care of it yourself, try to put it out of your mind. It's not *your* to-do.

 

---

 

Kids are rarely "naughty" -- it's mostly that they have their own agendas (which are largely driven by their developmental impulses). Keep them close, supervise by interacting, play games, indulge all of you, and be kind. If "disobedience" is a trigger for you, try giving fewer direct instructions. Move more to a when-then model of direction, or say things like "I want" or "It's time for".

 

When (not if!) things go wrong, just put an end to what is going wrong (stop the incident). Later, think it through as a learning issue -- what changes, plans, procedures, values or new/better skills would have made that event not-to-have-happened? If it seems good, run a skills training session to improve things.

 

---

 

Feed yourself, take a deep breath, prevent what you can, but don't imagine that you have the power to prevent everything (you don't!) and so don't blame yourself for consistently not doing what is impossible. Just respond well and carry on.

[fairfarmhand]

First of all...forget everyone else and their picture perfect amazing large families.

 

For you, each baby is a HUGE change. Of course you are going to feel a bit intimidated and overwhelmed at the prospect of one more little one.

 

Add some hormones and it's going to be really frightening.

 

 

[Cinder]

Congrats on baby 5! I was always sooooo tired with each pregnancy. Even the ones where I felt good the whole time, I'd still need a 2-hour nap daily. I think that's why my dc are all at least 3 years apart. Without those naps I would not have been able to function and would not be interested in doing anything but what I absolutely needed to do. Like feed the kids. Some days that was all that I could manage. Being pregnant and being in the midst of a remodel and taking care of 4 dc is plenty enough to overwhelm anyone.  :grouphug:

[Critterfixer]

I have only two boys, both old enough to be helpful, no baby coming, and I'm about ready to bite me some heads off, and it's the house renovations that are doing it....

I simply don't like being the go-to on the handyman end of things. And I don't like having my nest all torn up. 

I can only imagine what that would feel like if I had a baby on the way. :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

BTW, I just got the stuff from my kitchen out of my bedroom and living room BACK into my kitchen. For whatever reason, I've decided that when my kitchen is non-functional, I'm barely functional--don't know what that says about me.

[Doodlebug]

Renovation sucks

 

Yes. it. does.  I totally signed up for it, but six months of crock pot cooking in the dining room (no stove), dangling light fixtures, never having that feeling of "clean" living space IS depressing, and I only have one kid.  It also makes life just a wee less efficient, but across every freaking area -- want to dry your hair? Do it in the living room where there's a plug and mirror.  Want to wash laundry?  Better do it before you need to cook dinner and blow a fuse.  What's this layer of dust that accumulates overnight?  I'm over the fun part.   

 

You are doing beautifully.  It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed with just one kidlet, *cough* like me. :)  So you are ahead of the curve just NOW getting overwhelmed.  ;)  

 

Pregnancy is hard, too, because so much forward progress is thwarted by energy levels, and a general uneasiness about paint fumes, ladders, etc.  When I'm not making progress on all the crud that annoys the beans out of me, it's hard to feel optimistic.  That feeling of futility then generalizes across all areas of my life... 

 

Hugs... you are doing great.  Do you think getting one room's current project finished would help?  I've had to reorganize my DH's priority list with the house work.  "Yes, I know the kitchen is a priority.  But there is no LIGHT in the dining room and that makes school really hard."  He has blinders on sometimes and needs to be reminded that some of us actually LIVE in this while he's at work.  ;)

 

Stella

[happypamama]

I understand. Every day, I fall short. I don't have enough hours in the day to do everything and be everything I want to be.

[Desert Strawberry]

Thanks for all the support. I really needed to hear that I'm not a failure. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my domestic life. I have a hard time letting go of my expectations. 

The house being a mess is the biggest factor. There is no end in sight. This house is very, very old, and we are doing everything ourselves, down to making our own flooring. On a $0 budget, right now. So yeah. This is hard. As much as we prioritize things, D has to work, I have to take care of the kids-and now myself if I don't want another NICU baby-and well, there just isn't enough of us to go around.

 

Second, I am not taking care of myself. I don't eat enough, or well. I don't sleep much, so that's not a big deal, I'm not getting as much exercise as I'd like, and I'm just stuck in the house too much. I feel terribly guilty about it, because I've had bad pregnancies and sick babies, and I don't want to that again. And I'm just so crazy emotional. Making a person is scary. 

 

I am a good parent. I really am. My kids are wonderful, and my discipline is fair, steady, and effective. Misbehavior of any kind is unusual and unexpected, and throws me for a loop. I know kids aren't always perfect, and I need to chill out. It's those high expectations again. They kick me in the butt. Please don't think I'm a crazy, harsh disciplinarian. I'm not. I have a Behavioral Sciences degree and I worked in childcare/education for years. I'm good at this :)

 

I am reevaluating and making a plan. I will feel much better when my kitchen is back to normal. Until then, I need to pay attention to my eating habits, prioritize sleep and exercise, and make some kind of flexible cleaning schedule so I don't feel like I'm suffocating in the mess.

Any other suggestions?

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Quiet time (1 hour) every single day for the kids. That'll give you a chance to do a general pick up if you feel like it, take a quiet walk around the yard or prep your dinner.

 

Also, you know this...eat a healthy breakfast every morning. You won't be as overwhelmed when you've fueled up for the day. Since eating right seems to be a struggle for you, make a meal plan, even if it includes the same breakfast every day.

[Desert Strawberry]

Quiet time (1 hour) every single day for the kids. That'll give you a chance to do a general pick up if you feel like it, take a quiet walk around the yard or prep your dinner.

 

Also, you know this...eat a healthy breakfast every morning. You won't be as overwhelmed when you've fueled up for the day. Since eating right seems to be a struggle for you, make a meal plan, even if it includes the same breakfast every day.

 

We do quiet time for about 2 hours a day, hallelujah, and also lightly supervised outside time for at least an hour a day to preserve my sanity. 

 

I know the bolded is true, because my initial reaction was, "UGH! I don't WANT to!" I hate breakfast with a fiery passion. I have a plan for the other meals and the kids' breakfast. But the idea of eating morning food makes me want to run screaming down the street. You know, if I had the energy for that kind of thing. Which I don't. Because I don't eat breakfast. 

[KungFuPanda]

Your husband will be GONE for half a month? I'd find a friend with a spare room and take a day to myself at either end of that trip. Just sleep, eat, gestate, and recharge. Don't ask or wait for a good time, just make it happen.

[maize]

Five was actually surprisingly overwhelming for me. I've heard so many people say that after three it is all the same, but I really didn't find that to be true. The biggest help within the home was that my oldest DD really took over in taking care of the then four year old, who is a particularly intense child. Then about a year after #5 came along I was able to get a mother's helper to come in once or twice a week. I know if the money isn't there it isn't there, but if there is a little wiggle room in the budget you might be able to hire a teen girl fairly inexpensively.

[fairfarmhand]

Five was actually surprisingly overwhelming for me. I've heard so many people say that after three it is all the same, but I really didn't find that to be true. The biggest help within the home was that my oldest DD really took over in taking care of the then four year old, who is a particularly intense child. Then about a year after #5 came along I was able to get a mother's helper to come in once or twice a week. I know if the money isn't there it isn't there, but if there is a little wiggle room in the budget you might be able to hire a teen girl fairly inexpensively.

 

I've learned that only people with 2-3 kids say such stupid thing IME.

 

I only have 4. Every baby changed things and each new baby gave us an adjustment period that could last from several weeks to 18 months.

[MarinesWife]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I feel out-numbered a lot. it's because we are.  :) 

 

Seriously .. some days are just worse than others.  I have to remember that a bad hour does not have not to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Redeem the day!  redeem the week! 

 

 

[mommymilkies]

:grouphug:   I'll admit five got scary for me at one point.  I felt sub-par, overwhelmed, and like a really terrible person.  I was also going through PPD.  I would ask your doctor or midwife about  help if it gets much worse.  But it does get better.  It doesn't feel like it right now.  It will be scary and you won't be perfect-nobody is!  Take it one day at a time  Sometimes just sitting and watching the kids when they're busy doing kid things makes me feel better.  They don't have matching clothes, brushed hair, and like all kids will probably need therapy for something I've screwed up.  But really, they have it good.

 

You need to take care of yourself.  You know this, so I won't lecture you.  What if the kids had a new job of helping take care of mom?  Some kids love this.  They'll paint your nails, bring you snacks, give you a back rub, or set up comfy pillows for you to nap while they watch whatever mildly inappropriate movie that's probably actually ok that you wouldn't otherwise say yes to.  Ask me how I know.  They'll live through it. What about smoothies or shakes for breakfast?  It's liquid nutrition and better than nothing.  

 

As for the house-I just hope a tree falls on my porch some days so I don't have to fix it myself.  :lol: I'm no help there.  Just throw something cheap down and realize it's temporary and laugh about it.  It's hard to do it now, but someday you will. 

 

I wish I had better advice. 

[Desert Strawberry]

Your husband will be GONE for half a month? I'd find a friend with a spare room and take a day to myself at either end of that trip. Just sleep, eat, gestate, and recharge. Don't ask or wait for a good time, just make it happen.

2 trips, a week apart. He's been invited to speak at a conference ( his first time, which is great :D but he's putting in extra hours to prepare his presentation), and the following week-maybe 2 or 3 days later- he's heading out to another conference for a week. 

 

It's not a big deal to me, but it does make him unavailable for the house repairs, and the kids. He usually takes over in the evenings, and he does some of the cooking. Instead, he will be gone, or preparing to go. 

 

We are supposed to go visit his grandma once a month. I suppose I could schedule it while he's gone. 

[myfunnybunch]

First of all...forget everyone else and their picture perfect amazing large families.

 

I agree with this, and would add what a wise woman told me long ago: Don't compare your insides with others' outsides. Those "perfect" families all have challenges and struggles, we just don't see how they're feeling inside. I'd be willing to bet that there are people in your life who look at you and your lovely children, and marvel at what you're able to accomplish. :grouphug:

 

I'm glad that you're recognizing a need to take care of yourself. It's super hard to do when there are so many people who need taking care of. Good for you for making a plan. :) Do you have a good friend that you can call to help? Whether it's cleaning the bathrooms or playing with the children so you can take a nap or baking a huge batch of muffins for the freezer for quick breakfasts or prepping some healthy snacks for the week for you or a walking partner or ??? What do you need most that's practical and helpful? I'll admit, I am one of those "Call if you need me" friends, but I am terrible at figuring out what would be most helpful without being told. If a friend called me and said "I am really struggling with energy right now, do you have time to run a couple errands for me?" then I'd be all over that and grateful that my friend is willing to work with my cluelessness and let me support her.

 

:grouphug: Be as kind and patient to yourself as you would be to a dear friend who is tired from growing a baby and caring so well for lots of little people.

 

Cat

[Desert Strawberry]

It's not PPD. BTDT, always on the lookout. It's just a mild feeling of, oh, I thought I'd be better at this. 

I'm one of the people who says it gets easier after 2 :D For me, it did. One was hard, because I didn't know half as much as I thought I did. 2 was hard because I had a sick baby, PPD and major life changes (finishing school, getting a job, quitting my job, buying a house, moving away, D going back to work, still in school, juggling everything, etc). By 3, it was so much easier.  I feel like I need a do-over for my last one because I was terribly ill, and so was my 1yr old and that was just a hard time. Now, everything is pretty much calmed down, I feel good, and this is almost certainly our last ( unless we have a BIG surprise). I feel like I should should be joyous and not worried over money and the house and everything. 

 

There are all those shoulds again. 

[momto10blessings]

You're only human. Everyone makes mistakes, no one will ever be the perfect mother they wish to be. Take it a day at a time. Love yourself, your husband and your children. Hugs mama. This life is never easy, just do your best.

[myfunnybunch]

There are all those shoulds again. 

 

Here's another one, this time from my dear mom: Please stop shoulding all over yourself. :grouphug:

 

[melbotoast]

I only have 3 and frequently feel overwhelmed. Thanks for starting this thread, OP, and thanks for all those that shared advice and encouragement!

[fairfarmhand]

. It's just a mild feeling of, oh, I thought I'd be better at this. 

 

 

 

mmm... me too.

 

I have a teen and a pre-teen and I thought I'd get the hang of this motherhood stuff by now. Honestly, it's even harder than the little kid years.

 

So yeah, we all should all over ourselves and we muddle through.

[freesia]

I totally and completely get it. I SO thought mothering and homeschooling my children all would be easy for me. I wanted a family of at least 6 and it didn't cross my mind it would be a challenge. I had been a 5x a week babysitter, a nanny, an aid for autistic kids, a primary teacher for 10 years.

 

But Wow! The reality really smacked me in the face. We stopped at 4 bc we knew it was our limit. While I love being a Mom, I knew without a doubt (and I don't say this glibly) that I would probably have a nervous breakdown if we kept going. It has been so, so humbling to realize that I am not who I thought I was and that I couldn't be a good mother to a large family.

 

Now, you don't sound at all like you are at that point. I just want to let you know that someone out there does understand that disappointment you feel.

 

However, realize it is a very hard and full job. Everyone with jobs that require as much work (physically and emotionally) feel overwhelmed at times. Feeling overwhelmed is not giving up. It is just admitting we are human and can't do and feel everything perfectly all the time.

 

Look around and see what is going well. Be good to yourself. You are doing a wonderful work.

[Doodlebug]

From the house side of things, I suggest paper plates, cups, and napkins until the kitchen is in a state of order.  

 

 

[momacacia]

So, I just checked out your blog.

 

Fermenting pickles, picture study, grammar from poetry (The Children's Hour...sigh), special diet for one or more of your kids, homemade sushi, sangria recipes, smoothies, nature study . . . Erm, your school is way cooler than ours! I mean, we memorized The Children's Hour, but that was it. I make kraut, but have yet to get to the child-coveted pickles. Picture study, yes, must cram that in during lunch sometime.

 

Golly, what you're doing looks beautiful!

 

[fairfarmhand]

I totally and completely get it. I SO thought mothering and homeschooling my children all would be easy for me. I wanted a family of at least 6 and it didn't cross my mind it would be a challenge.

 

But Wow! The reality really smacked me in the face. We stopped at 4 bc we knew it was our limit. While I love being a Mom, I knew without a doubt (and I don't say this glibly) that I would probably have a nervous breakdown if we kept going. It has been so, so humbling to realize that I am not who I thought I was and that I couldn't be a good mother to a large family.

 

Now, you don't sound at all like you are at that point. I just want to let you know that someone out there does understand that disappointment you feel.

 

However, realize it is a very hard and full job. Everyone with jobs that require as much work (physically and emotionally) feel overwhelmed at times. Feeling overwhelmed is not giving up. It is just admitting we are human and can't do and feel everything perfectly all the time.

 

Look around and see what is going well. Be good to yourself. You are doing a wonderful work.

oh my...I could have written this post word for word.

 

And I almost did have the nervous breakdown after #4. Looking at it in hindsight, I may have been able to handle more kids if my oldest was not so intense and in need of so much energy. But you get what you get. Our reality is our reality.

 

I was thinking yesterday that we may have had more kids if my oldest wasn't such a difficult child and I need to deal with my acceptance of that. There are times that I resent her because she spoiled my picture of what parenthood would be. :) But isn't that the way it goes? I mean motherhood is So SO SOOOO hard sometimes. There are no promises and no guarantees. Some kids are easy, some are hard. You have to rolll with it and make the best choices for your family.

 

[Upennmama]

I am pregnant with #7 and I'm exhausted, sick, and cranky. I have high standards, too, and it's really hard. I find that making a plan for the day the night before really helps. Even just very loosely, if I can schedule the day, things go more smoothly. Post the schedule. Get more sleep, eat something with protein, and drink water. Hang in there, you really will feel better once the baby comes and your body is your own again (sort of). 

[bolt.]

Try a method of goal setting that aknowledges ideals, but doesn't hurt on days that don't achieve them.

 

I do this: for each thing I think I should be doing I make a "rubric" -- what would I call wonderful/ideal/super? What is very good? Good? Acceptable for light duty days? Actually poor work?

 

Then I set myself up to aim for "good in all areas" (with some excellence), or, when I'm low energy or in trouble "acceptable" in all areas, leading to an "acceptable" day under challenging circumstances.

 

This way I can have big ideas, and work up to them legitimately, rather than feeling like I'm falling short all the time just because I'm capable of having big ideas.

 

Self-care needs to be a top goal! If you already aren't at your best, working on getting yourself what you need matters a lot. It's not wise to go into a challenging situation half-fueled. If self care is the first challenge, let it be the first challenge.

[Desert Strawberry]

From the house side of things, I suggest paper plates, cups, and napkins until the kitchen is in a state of order.  

 

Stella

Got them. I die a little inside whenever we throw one away, but this is what they are for, right? 

 

So, I just checked out your blog.

 

Fermenting pickles, picture study, grammar from poetry (The Children's Hour...sigh), special diet for one or more of your kids, homemade sushi, sangria recipes, smoothies, nature study . . . Erm, your school is way cooler than ours! I mean, we memorized The Children's Hour, but that was it. I make kraut, but have yet to get to the child-coveted pickles. Picture study, yes, must cram that in during lunch sometime.

 

Golly, what you're doing looks beautiful!

Thank you. It's quite magical around here, IMO. That's kind of why it's hard for me when things aren't ideal. 

If you come to visit me,or I visit you, I would send you home with a jar of pickles. ;) Southern hospitality. No one ever leaves empty-handed. 

 

FTR, I've already had my breakdown, after the second. It was a dark time. This is a breeze.

[Desert Strawberry]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I feel out-numbered a lot. it's because we are.  :)

 

Seriously .. some days are just worse than others.  I have to remember that a bad hour does not have not to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Redeem the day!  redeem the week! 

 

I told D a few days ago, "I feel outnumbered."

 

He said, "Honey, we are outnumbered. We have been for a long time." 

 

But now I FEEL it. 

[maize]

mmm... me too.

 

I have a teen and a pre-teen and I thought I'd get the hang of this motherhood stuff by now. Honestly, it's even harder than the little kid years.

 

So yeah, we all should all over ourselves and we muddle through.

Eek, I really wish people would stop telling me about the teen years being harder. Can't you let me live in a state of blissful ignorance a little longer?!?

 

:D :D :D

[fairfarmhand]

Eek, I really wish people would stop telling me about the teen years being harder. Can't you let me live in a state of blissful ignorance a little longer?!?

 

:D :D :D

:) I debated posting that for that reason.

 

It's funny, the infant/toddler years are phyiscally demanding. The teen and preteen years are emotionally demanding.

[SeaConquest]

You *only* have 4 kids? You feel exhausted while pregnant? Geez, hang out with me for a bit (another panic attack this morning) and you'll feel like mother of the year. My advice is to be gentle with yourself and let go of all those perfectionist expectations. We're all just muddling through life -- parents most especially.

[LucyStoner]

The thing that leaps out at me is where you said in your first post that it's not hard. No, it is hard. That is ok. I have always found that acknowledging and accepting the difficulty I am faced with is important to getting through it. Just because other people have more kids or more visible issues doesn't mean that what you are facing as a mom of soon to be 5 easy. You are not even vaguely a failure for finding something that is hard to be hard.

 

Growing another person, even in an "easy" pregnancy is still tiring and it's still work. Don't sell yourself short.

 

I have to dash, so I will leave it at that.

[Radish4ever]

Girl, I am in the same boat!!  Some days, I feel like running away from home would be better for all of us (and then I remember that my husband only knows how to make ramen noodles and scrambled eggs...).

I have made many things "easier" on myself.  We've gone back to eating preservative-laden boxed foods and premade mixes sometimes.  We are using paper plates and plastic cups for about half of our meals (half of the dishes to do!) - I do recycle what I can because it still drives me crazy.  I have started making my kids do even more chores around the house.  I potty trained my 2 year old so I don't have to change his gross diapers anymore (although now I get the pleasure of remembering that every time I have to go to the bathroom, he probably has to as well....and he is SO SLOW!).  I'm taking breaks as I need to, which usually just means driving to the grocery store by myself.  At least it's alone time, I guess.  I've decluttered our kids' toys a LOT over the past few weeks.  This makes less junk to clean after.  We are trying to cut back on playdates, except when we really need to get out of the house.  I bribe my kids to keep an eye on their younger siblings.  I'm doing more time outs for bad attitudes because I find that their attitudes make me want to blow my top more frequently.  I've asked for help a little more than usual from my husband, particularly with bedtime routines.  I made our homeschool curriculum WAY less teacher intensive this year so that I don't have to constantly watch every little thing the big kids are doing.  I've scheduled their lessons in an online planner (Homeschool Sked Track) so they can check off what they've done and also see what they have left to do.  I've taken away a lot of their screen time so their attitudes are generally better.

 

Ugh, I don't know.  These things have all helped, but it's still a lot.  I feel like, more than ever, I am constantly moving.  I'm constantly needed.  I dread hearing, "Mom....." because I know that I'm about to get sucked into even more duties.  

 

That said, based on how my other kids have been, I'm assuming that the new baby will be "easy" until he is mobile.  Luckily, that will happen RIGHT about the time summer rolls around and maybe, just maybe, I will let my big kids run free and wild for a few months and have a real summer while I adjust to having to chase after yet another little one!

[Guest]

I am a lot more disappointed in myself as a mother than I am in myself as a failed musician (not rock star like I wuz gonnabe) and failed writer (forum junkie, not author of multiple prize winning critically acclaimed bestsellers like I wuz gonnabe) and failed student (Associate degree and autodidact, not Nobel prize winning PhD like I wuz gonnabe).

 

I'm not sure why this is, but I think it's a combination of swimming upstream, unrealistic expectations, and being afraid to share the negative parts of an unconventional path we CHOSE so we think we're the only ones going through phases on our journeys that are actually normal.

 

I think you're awesome and have every right to be exhausted during any pregnancy, if that makes any difference at all.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Strawberrymama))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

 

[blondeviolin]

I'm currently reading this while I nurse the littlest through a nap (if he would just get off!), my 3yo is literally naked on the floor playing the ipad (potty training, I guess?) and my older three are running around the house yelling and screaming and barking like dogs. And I'm dreading doing anything about all of that because it is just so. Much. Work.

 

So...uh... Yeah. Just know you're not alone. :hug:

[Susan C.]

Would breakfast be better if you loaded the crock pot before going to bed? Dinner for breakfast? Maybe even tell everyone its yours so you can have what's in it for a few days. I stopped at 2 dc, so you have saint status!

[abba12]

If I was in your position, it's the house renovations that would be really, really stressing me out. Can you do something temporary, like lay temp flooring in the bathroom? Can you sacrifice something to get it done quicker? I start nesting around 5-6 months and just keep going until birth so I'd go crazy with half finished renovations around. For me it's about feeling in control. When my environment is a mess, I feel totally overwhelmed, but when it is neat and organized I feel in control and can do a lot more. If you can't do anything to help the renovations along, can you do something to help you feel more in control of it, organize the food on the counters more efficiently maybe? Clear out a hallway cupboard to store them in for awhile since sheets and towels need to be dealt with less than food does?

 

 

Five was actually surprisingly overwhelming for me. I've heard so many people say that after three it is all the same, but I really didn't find that to be true. The biggest help within the home was that my oldest DD really took over in taking care of the then four year old, who is a particularly intense child. Then about a year after #5 came along I was able to get a mother's helper to come in once or twice a week. I know if the money isn't there it isn't there, but if there is a little wiggle room in the budget you might be able to hire a teen girl fairly inexpensively.

 

Don't say that!!! I have three little ones and I'm clinging to the idea that it only gets easier from here! (actually, I still think that may be the case for me. As high energy as my eldest is for me, she's also very trustworthy and responsible for her age, and already does things to help take care of her sisters)

 

So, I just checked out your blog.

 

Fermenting pickles, picture study, grammar from poetry (The Children's Hour...sigh), special diet for one or more of your kids, homemade sushi, sangria recipes, smoothies, nature study . . . Erm, your school is way cooler than ours! I mean, we memorized The Children's Hour, but that was it. I make kraut, but have yet to get to the child-coveted pickles. Picture study, yes, must cram that in during lunch sometime.

 

Golly, what you're doing looks beautiful!

 

You're doing all this and calling yourself a failure? We barely get school done each day, much less fermenting and The Childrens Hour! Of course, we have our own challenges and our own things we are good at, and that's exactly the point. If I compare myself to that image of you, I see all my negatives against all your strengths and I feel like a failure. Even with this vent about feeling inadequate I still feel like a failure compared to you. But I have to remind myself that I have my own strengths, they are just different, and my family has it's own unique challenges. And I probably do some stuff you'd be envious of too (plus, you have olders)

[ocelotmom]

Pregnant is hard. I'm doing a much better job homeschooling, and parenting in general, with a 4 month old than I did when I was 4 months pregnant. And 4 months was after morning sickness and before horrible uncomfortableness.

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm frequently disappointed in myself as a mother but now at 41, I'm starting to get over it.

 

Look, we're homeschoolers.  We often have high ideals and expectations of ourselves.  Every now and then we meet those.  I even made up my own joke: How can you tell when a homeschool mom is conscious? She's feeling guilty.

 

By the way, if the next baby is colicky, see a chiropractor.  It worked for my middle daughter.

[Penny_P]

You are not alone. We had our fifth a couple of months ago. He's a good baby, but last week I felt close to a clinical nervous breakdown, and I'm not even canning picked or anything like that. I've never cursed so much in my life the last few weeks. Love the advice I'm reading here.