DS and vbs...am I overreacting?

[MedicMom]

I've been taking my four year old son to VBS at a nearby church--not one we attend--this week. He has some SPD but we had worked hard all summer on potty training and coping with chaos and noise with VBS with our goal. He has done well and loved VBS. He struggled some with the noise and singing in the opening but would sit quietly outside in the foyer with me or his grandma(whoever was dropping him off) until it was time to go to his class.

 

Reports from his teachers were that he was hyper in class and wanted to run but obedient once redirected. He has never before been in a situation where he had to sit in a circle or stand in line, but we had practiced and he was doing ok.

 

Last night I dropped him off. The teacher came up to me after the opening, as the kids were about to go downstairs, and asked if I could stay. I had my two year old daughter with me(no childcare for younger kids was available there) and I was going to my husbands birthday dinner after I dropped DS off, so, no, I couldn't stay. She said DS is really "active" and they only had one teacher for the whole preschool class tonight. Basically she said he couldn't stay unless I did, because they were short staffed and didn't have anyone to chase him. They had 12 preschoolers last night show up.

 

My son was sooo disappointed. I had no way to cancel the birthday dinner for DH on such short notice or really to skip it. DH is mad and says it isn't our problem they are short staffed and that they shouldn't ask a parent who doesn't attend the church to stay. I feel so sad for my little boy, but we did talk about needing to be obedient and sit still. He is overall a well behaved little boy, but I can see he probably didn't sit well.

 

I don't know. DH doesn't want to send him tonight(they said he was welcome to come back as they would have more staff tonight). I don't want to further disappoint my little boy but I am still upset too.

 

Am I overreacting?? What does the hive think?

[Joyofsixreboot]

Having been that teacher, I get it. It's Bible School. Getting volunteers who don't back out is nearly impossible. I've been in the opening when my helper texted me she wasn't coming. Surprise! Bible school is not babysitting. It is sad for your boy but if he or the other kids aren't safely supervised it's not a good situation.

[MedicMom]

If there was any possible way I could have stayed last night I would have. I did feel it probably wasn't safe for him to be there with 12 or 13 three and four year olds and one teacher, so he just came to the dinner with us.

 

I do have to point out that this teacher had JUST met me five minutes before. she didn't know me from Adam, and I wasn't sure how I felt about having my son in a class where they were letting adults help without knowing anything about them.

 

It just all felt weird. I did appreciate that she was stressed but still felt it was inappropriate. I am really leaning towards not sending him tonight.

[ScoutTN]

If they allow people to drop off preschoolers, they should be prepared to take all comers.

 

Our VBS doesn't allow drop off for preschoolers for this reason. Only for K- 5th. Preschool and toddlers are only children of people helping with VBS in some way and a parent is on the premises.

[Cinder]

Most VBS programs are run by volunteers who want the kids to come but who also find they need to make the best of some situations. Not having an extra helper for a group of a dozen preschoolers would be difficult when one teacher is needed to particularly focus on one child. Been there. Dh had to take over the class so I could focus on helping one child who responded better to me one-on-one. The other children were fine in a group. I think your dh over-reacted a bit. (I'm assuming this was a free-to-you program.) If the teacher is confident her helper will be there today I think it's ok to send your ds.

 

[Danestress]

I actually don't think one adult should be with 11 perfectly behaved preschoolers (hypothetically). There should be two adults in any class at all times - for legal reasons.

[linders]

(gently) I spent a week earlier this summer volunteering at VBS. If a child needed a lot of special attention, then we asked the parent to stay. We did not have enough volunteers to give one-on-one to kids with special needs. And sorry, VBS is not intended to be free babysitting. I'm sorry your son was disappointed, but I think you might have been overly optimistic about his ability to handle a multi-day group activity.

[Ellie]

(gently) I spent a week earlier this summer volunteering at VBS. If a child needed a lot of special attention, then we asked the parent to stay. We did not have enough volunteers to give one-on-one to kids with special needs. And sorry, VBS is not intended to be free babysitting. I'm sorry your son was disappointed, but I think you might have been overly optimistic about his ability to handle a multi-day group activity.

 

:iagree:

[Pawz4me]

Said gently -- Yes, I think you and your DH are over-reacting.

 

It's a church you don't attend and the event is staffed by volunteers.  This particular night it was short-staffed.  Unfortunate, but it happens.  I would have totally understood. Plus (and reiterating that I mean this in the gentlest way possible) -- I wouldn't have wanted to leave a child of mine with extra needs in such a situation.

[shawthorne44]

Sorry, I feel for the church.  If you think it is a good experience for him, then I think you need to take him tonight and stay yourself.  

 

This last school year I was the assistant teacher in the preschool Sunday school class.  We had a boy that sounds like yours in the class.  He wasn't bad.  He didn't hit.  But, he was 2 or 3 times more active than any other child.  He could be re-directed, but it took a lot of time and effort.  So, it ended up with one teacher being left to handle 12 kids in the room, while the other teacher handled that boy and whoever he was playing with.  

[texasmama]

It would have been nice if you could have been given more notice to volunteer.  There should be more than one person in all classes due to legal issues.  If I had a child with SPD (and I do) who had never been in a group setting like this and this was a church I didn't attend, I might offer to help out just to make sure he had a positive experience and felt more comfortable.  So it might have been a bit of a set up to do poorly for ds.

 

Please understand I am not criticizing your choice.  You made a valiant effort to prepare him for an experience that had the potential to enrich his life and widen his experiences, which is a very wonderful thing, particularly for a child with SPD or any other special needs.  I'm sorry it did not work out.  I would take him back and be ready to stay, if at all possible.  These are hard situations to navigate, and I think that your son received benefit from attending even for a short time.  Next time you can make a different plan.  Live and learn.

[MedicMom]

He had done well at our church's VBS, but it was three adults to eight kids and in the mornings. I sent him here because his cousin was going and in the same group, and they really wanted to go together.

 

I work tonight so I can't be there. I think he will just stay home.

[katilac]

 

I do have to point out that this teacher had JUST met me five minutes before. she didn't know me from Adam, and I wasn't sure how I felt about having my son in a class where they were letting adults help without knowing anything about them.

 

 

 

I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like she wanted you to help with the class in general - just watch after your own son in particular. 

[73349]

It's a policy at my church that if a child is needing more help or guidance than the 1 adult and 1 teen volunteer team for the class can provide, the parent has to stay if the child is going to continue to participate--but they let people know at the end of the previous class, not when dropping off. And class sizes are capped so that if yours is I think the 11th child being brought, you have to stay, and they won't accept any kids past the 15th even if parents are willing to stay.

 

I agree with PPs that the class should've been canceled if they couldn't do a better adult-child ratio than that anyway. You never know what might happen in a preschool class (e.g., kid who was fine at the beginning starts throwing up during story time, or somebody trips and splits her chin open on a table).

 

I'd plan to let him continue to participate, but I'd also let him know that if they don't have enough grown-ups for his class, he won't be able to stay.

[marbel]

Nm.  Reading comprehension problem. 

[MedicMom]

The church was letting adults help without knowing anything about them? What am I misinterpreting here? Or do you mean she didn't know anything about the children? That is also something churches struggle with when they have VBS open to the public. They want to do it, but it is challenging to have unknown kids come in.

 

I'm sorry, I do feel for you. My kid was "active" and had sensory issues as a preschooler too. The only time I was able to leave him in a VBS was when we were attending a huge church with a huge volunteer staff. (And I was volunteering in another room, so was on the premises.) VBS is hard when there aren't enough people.

 

I suspect all the people involved felt very badly but also felt they had no choice, if they were short-staffed on volunteers.

 

This is one of the reasons our church stopped doing VBS. We couldn't get the manpower to be prepared for any number of kids, and have a high enough teacher/child ratio.

 

 

 

No...I meant no one there knew ME. I was just some adult dropping my kid off. The teacher had met me for the first time five minutes before. I don't know that I would want my child somewhere where there were adults in the class, even with their own kids, that no one there knew.

 

I will be honest though, I am coming from a church where no matter what, there are always two non related adults in a classroom and no one gets near the kids without a background check, so that may have affected my perspective.

[Word Nerd]

(gently) I spent a week earlier this summer volunteering at VBS. If a child needed a lot of special attention, then we asked the parent to stay. We did not have enough volunteers to give one-on-one to kids with special needs. And sorry, VBS is not intended to be free babysitting. I'm sorry your son was disappointed, but I think you might have been overly optimistic about his ability to handle a multi-day group activity.

I agree. It doesn't sound like he's ready for this yet.

[vonfirmath]

If they allow people to drop off preschoolers, they should be prepared to take all comers.

 

Our VBS doesn't allow drop off for preschoolers for this reason. Only for K- 5th. Preschool and toddlers are only children of people helping with VBS in some way and a parent is on the premises.

 

The earliest our church takes children whose parents are not on premises are "4 year olds" who are entering Kindergarten in the fall (so most are actually 5)

 

We had 8-10 4 year olds in my VBS class this year. The lowest adult help we had was 2 adults, 1 teen. The highest was 4 adults, 2 teens! AS a volunteer, I simply would not work in the condition of 1 teacher with 12 kids that age.

[Spryte]

I wouldn't send him back, and I'd probably come up with something fun to do tonight to help with the disappointment.  Maybe something to help get all that energy out - some very active, go celebrate your active little boy's energy.  :)

 

No experience with VBS here, but from reading your posts, it sounds like the VBS at your church is better run, and a better fit for your kiddo (and probably lots of others).  12 kids to 1 teacher sounds chaotic, whether they are active or not (and kids should be active).  Your church's child/teacher ratio sounds much more reasonable.  

[kwickimom]

She should have told you the night before. 

 

We would never turn down a child for VBS at our church unless they were violent and ours runs around 100-130 kids, BUT we only allow preschoolers if they are workers kids because we know that would be a lot to handle.

 

I can see both sides, but they should have told you sooner than when you showed up

[swellmomma]

Heck I get paid to watch kids and if a child is needing a lot more focus and we are headed out on a field trip we ask the parent to come along so that child can have 1 on 1 care.  Now I get this wasn't a field trip, but the same principle applies.  Most 3-4 year old have very little experience being a small group.  Most 3-4 year olds are active.  My small group at daycare is the 3-4 year olds, trust me I get it.  BUT there is a big difference between normal 3-4 activeness and that next level.  Such as a child that is constantly running away which they told you he does and needs to be redirected.  With only 1 teacher in that group in order to catch him and redirect she would have to leave the other kids unsupervised.  They are being polite when they merely say he is a really active, again trust me on that one.  What they are finding is he needs a lot of supervision just on his own and last night could not provide that.  They were honest and up front about it.  Better to be so then to risk a child hurt or missing because they were short staffed.  At the daycare I generally run all the programming and care in the morning of 12-16 kids aged 19 months-5 yrs, I have another staff in the room but she is doing all the cooking for the day (breakfast, lunch and snack) so while she is there she is occupied generally, however if one of our 3 year olds in particular is there she is ready to leave that kitchen space and be by his side because he requires a lot more supervision.  It is exhausting some days and we are paid for it, not merely volunteers.

I know it is disappointing to both your ds and your dh, the fact remains that they were within ratios to have 1 teacher but adding a boy that needed extra supports would make it unsafe for all the children without someone there to redirect him etc.  Having a child with issues, it just becomes par for the course to expect that (also said as someone who has btdt)

[Garga]

This isn't daycare.  This is a free program.  It's run by volunteers who are not being paid a penny. People flake out on their volunteer duties all the time.  If your son is hyper (and my son was HYPER at that age, so I get it), and they didn't have enough people to monitor the kids, then they did the right thing. 

 

If this was a daycare and you were paying them, this would be unacceptable.  But this is a volunteer event, it's free, and it's not mandatory so they were right to do what they did.  

 

And, like another poster said, they only wanted you there to monitor your own son, not to watch the other kids or teach a class.

 

I've worked with preschoolers before as a volunteer for 6 years at church.  Yes, I expected them to wiggle and be hyper, but some of them would take all my attention for far too long and the others were not being watched properly unless I had a helper.  Without a helper, it would have been unacceptable for me to attempt to watch the kids alone. Each child must be watched.  If I, as an unpaid volunteer, knew I couldn't handle it, I owed it to the safety of the kids not to attempt to watch them shoddily.  

 

I believe the preschool teacher did the right thing.

 

If you don't take your son back you're cutting off your nose to spite your face.

 

[Erin]

He's not ready for a classroom-ish situation and they're just not staffed to handle a kid who's not ready.  

 

In my world, that's what older kids for--to be helpers at AWANA, VBS, SS, etc. and run crowd control!  (Buck always calls it "wrangling the monkeys." lol) However, sometimes it's hard to even track down enough kid-helpers.  
 

I understand the disappointment.  I do.  I had one of those, too.  

But don't be irritated or frustrated with the church.  It's not their fault, either.

[marbel]

No...I meant no one there knew ME. I was just some adult dropping my kid off. The teacher had met me for the first time five minutes before. I don't know that I would want my child somewhere where there were adults in the class, even with their own kids, that no one there knew.

 

I will be honest though, I am coming from a church where no matter what, there are always two non related adults in a classroom and no one gets near the kids without a background check, so that may have affected my perspective.

 

Yeah, I picked up on that after reading another reply.    Duh on my part.

 

Our church always has two background-checked adults as well, plus teen helpers.   That's why it's such a problem when volunteers don't show up.  We usually have some floaters who can step in if someone flakes out.  

 

This is one of the reasons I'm glad we don't do VBS anymore.   We just don't have the volunteer base with enough availability to staff it.

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out well for you and your son.

[freesia]

I'm sorry, but I agree with those who think they were right. If they don't feel they can supervise your child properly, then they were right to ask you to stay.

 

You can't take a child with special needs to a volunteer program that is set up for neurotypical children and expect the volunteers just to deal with it. They are not paid teachers who are trained to deal with special needs. If your child has special needs and is outside the norm in terms of behavior, energy level, developmental level or anything else, you need to be honest with those involved and make sure they are prepared to deal with it.

[TammyS]

 

It just all felt weird. I did appreciate that she was stressed but still felt it was inappropriate. I am really leaning towards not sending him tonight.

 

Do you think it would have been more appropriate for her to keep more kids than she was able to handle?  WHAT would you have had her do, exactly?

 

And even if it was inappropriate, are you going to punish your son for it?

[SKL]

I agree that what the church did was totally understandable.  I am sure they regretted the situation, but kudos to the teacher for recognizing her limits and that the safety of the children is more important than the sensitivities of the adults.

 

As for tonight, I would not punish your son for being who he is.  I would let him go.  I would keep open the possibility of staying with him, in case it is needed.

 

I'm sorry you were disappointed, but it really isn't anyone's fault.

[SKL]

It seems to me that the other choice the church had was to cancel the class and disappoint all the kids.  The teacher made the right choice IMO.

[QueenCat]

I actually don't think one adult should be with 11 perfectly behaved preschoolers (hypothetically). There should be two adults in any class at all times - for legal reasons.

 

We require at least two at our church. If someone didn't show, then no parent would have been able to leave their child until someone volunteered to stay. But honestly, I can't remember the last time we couldn't find someone in a pinch to fill in.

[SKL]

 I wasn't sure how I felt about having my son in a class where they were letting adults help without knowing anything about them.

 

 

I don't understand this.  Are you saying it is not a safe practice to allow parents in the preschool classroom to help herd their own children?

 

I'm just thankful there are people in the world who will volunteer to spend time with other people's children.

[KRG]

 It was an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.  I think I would have appreciated the teacher letting me know that she couldn't handle him.   I would keep him home tonight.

[SKL]

She should have told you the night before. 

 

 

I agree, if they knew it the night before.  But I got the impression that they just found out that day.

 

I understand the concern some are expressing about the 11:1 ratio that accidentally occurred, but maybe they have one or two floaters for special unexpected circumstances.

 

I think it would have been much more unfortunate if they canceled the class and told all the parents they were out of luck.

 

I don't know the state laws regarding VBS and child-adult ratios in a volunteer setting.  I believe in giving them the benefit of the doubt since obviously each of them was making a sacrifice to serve other people's kids.

 

But if you have some other reason not to go tonight, fine, just don't let your son think it's because he was a bad boy at VBS.  :(

[Soror]

I agree with pp that I think your anger is misplaced. It really baffles me to be honest. I under the disappointment but they were doing what they could in the situation. I would be apologetic that my child had caused extra work for those volunteering. Personally, I (or someone else) would take him so he wouldn't be disappointed and stay to help out to make sure he had a good experience and as a thank you to those who had spent the week with him.

[Rebel Yell]

See now I'm just wondering why the boy wasn't going to his dad's birthday dinner. :leaving:

 

But about the classroom situation:

 I think churches need to be clear upfront at registration- a simple statement like "All children are welcome, however, we use volunteer staff who are not trained (qualified?) to handle special/certain needs.  If your child has life-threatening allergies, difficulty following classroom procedures, or needs an interpreter, you may be required to remain on the premises or in the classroom with your child."

 

 My fromer church did have to ask a child's grandmother to stay with him.  She just knitted or read a book while keeping an extra set of eyes on him.

 

It's so hard- for everyone- parents, kids, VBS staff/volunteers. It sounds like you prepared him as best you could, but just had a bad combination of him being not-quite-ready and the church being not-quite-able to accommodate him.  I bet next year will go better! :grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

This is an issue that you and DH will have to make a decision about going forward.  When DS was little, and even now that he's a teen, I NEVER did drop off.  Even if it was a class where I wasn't supposed to be present, I waited in the building.  This wasn't as a favor to the teacher, but as a safety measure for my son.  If he had a meltdown or took off, I needed to be there to handle it because others don't know how. 

 

I don't work outside the home and we have my mom to serve as a back up sitter.  You and your Dh will have to come up with a plan that works for you situation- given the resources you have.  I would love to have another trusted sitter but can't find one. 

 

In a full time classroom, I can understand becoming comfortable with the instructors and leaving the child.  But in our situation, none of the instructors knew DS well enough and in the few instances when they did I still chose to stay to insulate DS from any fall out.  I didn't want him to have a meltdown in front of all his peers and have the teacher stuck to deal with it. 

 

Yes there are lots of things we haven't done, lots of things my other kids haven't been able to do because of timing, etc.  But I have invested a lot of time in helping my DS, I'm not letting someone else mess that up. 

 

Note:  I did try leaving him with an adult instructor at our church who I thought understood and could handle him twice- both times it was a disaster.  The adult mishandled the situation and made things worse.  So don't underestimate the training it takes for someone to not mess up all your progress.  :glare:

[SKL]

12:1 is the ratio for 4yos in my state for licensed child care.  But there is always another adult somewhere in the building who could step in if necessary.  As for kids who have difficulty following procedure, that isn't as big a problem in a facility designed from the ground up to be a daycare.  There aren't as many ways an "active" preschooler can hurt himself or others.

[MedicMom]

If they had said something the night before we would have just kept him at home and planned on it. I wouldn't have had a problem with that.

 

I guess I thought it was strange because, as I said, at my church asking a parent you don't know to be in the classroom at all wouldn't happen. They are stringent about nobody in the classroom without a background check under any circumstances. I think that skewed my perspective.

 

DH doesn't want him going tonight as neither one of us can stay.

[Paige]

They should have found a parent who attended the church to help, IMO. Asking a visitor to stay seems inappropriate. I think that especially since they had pretty much given him a good behavior report all week long that it is pretty surprising. 

[SKL]

I guess I thought it was strange because, as I said, at my church asking a parent you don't know to be in the classroom at all wouldn't happen. They are stringent about nobody in the classroom without a background check under any circumstances. I think that skewed my perspective.

 

 

See, it would bug me much more to be told that I was not allowed to be in the room with my kid because they hadn't confirmed I wasn't a registered child abuser.

 

I understand that fear of lawsuits / insurance requirements have driven organizations to implement "safety" procedures that are actually unnecessary.  It bothers me to see that this has made parents think their child is actually unsafe in a situation with another child's mom in a room.

 

Would you have felt better if they had said "sorry, our screened volunteer didn't show up, and you haven't been screened so you can't stay, so please take your child and leave now"?

 

I would also note that the policy that moms (or dads) can't stay with their high-maintenance kids (without first passing a background check) could limit opportunities for many special needs kids.  Some parents might not pass the background check for all kinds of reasons that are not relevant to the immediate situation.

[FaithManor]

Our church requires two adults who have passed background checks for every classroom. Teens are used for puppets, drama, and helping move kids from station to station as well as the dispensing of snacks and clean up. It really heads off problems with children needing extra attention and legal ramifications as well.

 

So, I would not be comfortable with a program running on less supervision.

 

Also, I understand your disappointment, but as others have said, it is an educational program run by volunteers that is clearly not intended as drop in care. So, the teacher made the right call for the circumstances. Really, the church does need to rethink. Even if all of the other children are paragons of maturity, she should not be alone with 12 children in that age range.

 

I am sorry that for both of you that it did not work out.

[KRG]

See now I'm just wondering why the boy wasn't going to his dad's birthday dinner. :leaving:

 

 

I thought that odd too...

[Erin]

They should have found a parent who attended the church to help, IMO. Asking a visitor to stay seems inappropriate. I think that especially since they had pretty much given him a good behavior report all week long that it is pretty surprising. 

 

I think it sounds like the teacher was doing the best she could to let this boy stay.  And previous reports about his good behavior indicate she knows what is perfectly normal for a preschooler.  She just didn't have enough hands that night to handle "perfectly normal."  

[kitten18]

They should have found a parent who attended the church to help, IMO. Asking a visitor to stay seems inappropriate. I think that especially since they had pretty much given him a good behavior report all week long that it is pretty surprising. 

:iagree:

 

 

Where I'm at, you can't even get on the field to help with a t-ball game without a background check and there's a hundred other people there watching what is going on.

[zoobie]

If there was any possible way I could have stayed last night I would have. I did feel it probably wasn't safe for him to be there with 12 or 13 three and four year olds and one teacher, so he just came to the dinner with us.

 

I do have to point out that this teacher had JUST met me five minutes before. she didn't know me from Adam, and I wasn't sure how I felt about having my son in a class where they were letting adults help without knowing anything about them.

 

It just all felt weird. I did appreciate that she was stressed but still felt it was inappropriate. I am really leaning towards not sending him tonight.

You had left him all week with people you didn't know. How would asking the child's mother to help corral him be inappropriate? I don't think they wanted you to teach. The church volunteer would've been there for the other kids.

 

It's a volunteer, unpaid position. If she was at her limit, it's perfectly ok for her to say so. The program director should have tried to get in touch with you ahead of time though. Being surprised by that would've sucked. Did they have your contact information to call you during the day?

[Jean in Newcastle]

They weren't asking you as an unknown adult to take care of any other children or to be alone with them.  They were telling you that a staffing situation had come up (probably a volunteer or two couldn't come at the last minute - it could be they were flakes or it could be that there was a family emergency of some kind, you don't know) and that they could not keep your child safe.  It was obviously not personal since as you point out, they don't know you.  I would be grateful that they were thinking ahead of the children's needs and were proactive in talking to you.  Some places would not be, either thinking they could handle it or because they didn't want someone to overreact, and it could have been a disaster for your son and not just for your free babysitting plans.  

[MedicMom]

This is my cousin's church and so I felt pretty comfortable leaving him based on her recommendation of the leaders. They did have my contact information. I don't know when they knew but there were signs up when we arrived that they could not take any more new preschoolers for the evening.

 

It was just a two hour program and a friend of DH's had invited us over for a dinner for his birthday and a bonfire. There were no kids DS' age at the dinner so we figured he would have more fun at VBS with his cousins, then I would go back and get him for the bonfire. I think what I was mad about was that if he was being a handful, they should have let me know earlier in the week and I would probably have pulled him out then, and we would have planned other activities for those nights. They had been telling me and Grandma he was doing well, and he had done great at our vbs. I would not have continued sending him at all if I had an inkling that he was being a handful. We would have made alternative plans like an evening at the playground instead, if I had known it wasn't really working out.

[Jean in Newcastle]

90% of preschoolers are a handful.  Some more than others.  I'm sure he was doing just fine when they had enough staff.  

[freesia]

This is my cousin's church and so I felt pretty comfortable leaving him based on her recommendation of the leaders. They did have my contact information. I don't know when they knew but there were signs up when we arrived that they could not take any more preschool reservations for the evening.

 

It was just a two hour program and a friend of DH's had invited us over for a dinner for his birthday and a bonfire. There were no kids DS' age so we figured he would have more fun at VBS with his cousins, then I would go back and get him for the bonfire. I think what I was mad about was that if he was being a handful, they should have let me know earlier in the week and I would probably have pulled him out then, and we would have planned other activities for those nights. They had been telling me and Grandma he was doing well, and he had done great at our vbs. I would not have continued sending him at all if I had an inkling that he was being a handful.

A good natured but highly energetic child who has trouble sitting and attending and a tendency to run doesn't feel like an unmanageable handful if you have an extra adult who can 1:1 him. You like him, see what a great time he's having and you want to make it work. A child like that is a handful when you alone. That's what she was telling you. I'm sure he's a great kid, she just couldn't keep him safe without help.

[Plink]

Inviting visitors into classrooms is against most church policies for safety reasons, so I'm in agreement with you on that count.

 

On the other hand, you can't expect a volunteer to take on a child with behavior issues (and yes, sensory sensitivity results in huge behavior issues - said by the mom of a SPD kid) when they are understaffed. It just isn't safe, smart, or fair to the other kids. They did the right thing in sending you home, even though I'm sure it hurt your feelings.

 

I'm sorry your son will miss out on tonight's class too.

[SKL]

I think what I was mad about was that if he was being a handful, they should have let me know earlier in the week and I would probably have pulled him out then, and we would have planned other activities for those nights. They had been telling me and Grandma he was doing well, and he had done great at our vbs. I would not have continued sending him at all if I had an inkling that he was being a handful. We would have made alternative plans like an evening at the playground instead, if I had known it wasn't really working out.

 

I suspect you missed the cues they gave you.  They did tell you that he was being a handful.  As a pp said, they were being polite, but they would not have remarked about his activity or needing to be redirected if he wasn't being a handful.  Still they were happy to work with him while they had enough volunteers.  How nice of them.  For three days they gave your child a lot of extra attention for free and without a complaint, so don't hold it against them that they were regretfully unable to do it on the 4th day.