Older Children in Doctors' Waiting Rooms?

[Paige]

Do most doctors not allow you to leave older children in the waiting room while you go in to speak to the doctor? Our pediatrician allows and encourages us to leave the older, responsible ones in the waiting rooms, but my doctor and most of the specialists' won't. I don't want to take them all in with me partly for privacy of the person being seen and because the rooms are so small! I only want to leave kids that are 10 and 12 (closer to 13) and all they will do is sit nicely and read books. The doctors that have let me leave them outside have all said they are fine with it and they are never any trouble. We have a lot of recurring appointments so they are familiar w/ us. It's frustrating because if I can't leave them outside, then I have to ask DH to get off of work since I'm not swimming in babysitters. I'd almost consider leaving them home at this point except the doctors are so far away with over an hour in travel time alone. I asked if even the 12 yr old could sit outside and wait and they told me no, and we'd be asked to leave or social services would be called. Seriously?

[AK_Mom4]

That seems unusual.  My kids have often sat in the waiting room with books while they waited for my appointments to be finished.  But then, I have never asked the office staff to "keep an eye" on my kids or have even discussed it with the doctor.

 

With a 10yo and a 12yo?  Honestly, I would probably find a new doctor because having to drag them in to listen to my private conversations with my doctor would not be worth the hassle.

[vonfirmath]

It sounds really odd to have a doctor threaten to call social services to leave kids in the waiting room that are that old!

[zoobie]

If they're 10 and 12, could you leave them home? (Nevermind, read it is too far away.)

The doctor's office doesn't want the responsibility or hassle of unattended children. Yours may be fine, but you know others aren't. I've been stuck in an exam room for over an hour, waiting. I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine in the waiting room that long. Or in the hallway. The rooms aren't soundproof, so kids right outside the door can hear anyway, which could make other patients uncomfortable.

[SKL]

That's crazy.  I think I might ask to speak to someone higher up the line.  Someone might have been trained to say this and fears going against the arbitrary rule.

 

I have left my kid as young as age 3 in waiting rooms (with the permission of the receptionist).  I have never had a problem.

[RebeccaS]

My pediatrician will not allow children under 12 alone in the waiting room.  My GP has allowed my kids in the waiting room (they're 12, 10, 9, 8) and I'd take the 2 yr old back.  The difference between the two is that the ped's office is quite large and we would not have any idea of their behavior.  At my doctor it's quite small and I'd hear every peep they made or close to it.  ;)  My dd's endo requests that siblings are not brought because the nature of the appointments lends itself to being long and there is important information being given and received.  My dh does watch the kids when he can and my parents live about an hour south of us, so they are willing to travel up occasionally to watch the kids.  Truthfully, my four have their times of good and bad behavior, but one thing I can count on is this: if they are allowed to bring a DS they will not pester each other at all.  In fact, they will completely ignore the world...

[Paige]

I have parked 10-12 year olds in a cafeteria while I went to an appt in the same building...they knew how to order and were perfectly fine reading after they had their refreshment.  No one had any concern since their behavior was appropriate. They had a cell phone so they could reach me if needed.

That is a great idea! The ones who don't allow it are in a military facility and we can't change who we see unless we want to change our insurance....They do have a cafeteria somewhere, however. It's odd, because the pediatrician who allows it is also in the same facility. We've been to these doctors many times and there's never a long wait once you are in the exam room and the chat with the doctor is usually less than 15min. Some of them have a sign about no children, so I asked once if the 10 and 12yr olds could keep reading their books outside of the room and they said no. The pediatrician said of course when I asked them. The set up of the office makes it more annoying- when I'm in the exam room, I could literally stand at the door and see my kids if I wanted- the waiting and exam rooms are separated only by a short hallway with no door. The lab will also let the ones not getting blood taken sit in the waiting room that is just around the corner.

[Shellie]

I always have to bring someone with me, however my oldest is 10, with the youngers needing to be watched by the older. That doesn't fly so well in waiting rooms, no matter how well they behave. I would think by 10 and 12 it should be okay. I understand your frustration, and feel for you with doctors so far away, ours are like that, as well.

[umsami]

My endocrinologist and OB both let me leave my 10 year old in the waiting room.  The OB let my 3 year old stay with him as well (they were just playing on the iPad).    It's a lifesaver.

[Sun]

It's never occurred to me to ask, but I've regularly left DS in the waiting room when I've had appointments, from maybe age 9 or so on.

 

Perhaps the problem was that you asked, so they had to reply with their policy? I'd just find the cafeteria and use that from now on.

[Mama Geek]

I was babysitting at 11.  I would let them stay home.  Is there someone that lives close by that they can call in an emergency or is husband close enough if they have a problem he can come home?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

That's crazy!  I would have to assume some bizarre concern about their liability in case of an accident was the motivation there. 

 

Just this morning I left my (very well behaved) 5 and 7 year olds in the endocrinologist's waiting room.  The doctor says he doesn't let every parent do that, but never has any concerns about my kids. 

 

My GP prefers that they stay in the waiting room, and puts on a movie for them. 

 

My OB raised her eyebrows when I did it, but didn't object at all. 

 

The pediatrician doesn't care if I leave the other kids in the waiting room for an appointment with just one of the kids. 

 

So yeah, never had a problem. 

[Laura Corin]

I've been leaving the boys outside since they were.... I don't know, eight or so?  but I was walking to school on my own from age seven and taking two public buses across the city to school on my own when I was eleven.

 

L

[JustEm]

I couldn't imagine them threatening to call child services on you. That sounds insane.  I would have complained to that person's boss if someone had said that in reply to my question.  A simple no would suffice.

[Catwoman]

It sounds really odd to have a doctor threaten to call social services to leave kids in the waiting room that are that old!

:iagree:

That kind of reaction is beyond extreme. I mean, if the kids seem like the rowdy type, I can understand that the staff wouldn't want them annoying other patients while the mom was in with the doctor, but threatening to call social services? No. That doesn't even make sense.

[PuddleJumper1]

Our children's clinic has a posted rule that children under 12 must be supervised. My youngest has 12 doctors and multiple therapies a week so not having them all with me wasn't option. For me personally, I would not have felt comfortable leaving them in the waiting room before about age 10. Not that I was concerned with their behavior - just a comfort level for me. Most adult offices I go to have this rule posted as well. As for adult appointments - dh and I coordinated for one of us to be home or I took an older teen homeschooler with me who could sit with them. Not an issue now as the olders are an adult and older teen. They stay home all the time now.

 

The social services comment was absurd. I would be mentioning that to someone further up the chain of management.

[swellmomma]

I leave mine in the waiting room all the time and not just the older ones, on occasion I leave the bigs watching dd6 as well.  I don't ask to leave the kids, I simply tell the kids to behave and go in.  There is a few offices that told me to leave the kids in the waiting room (such as when dd6 had dental surgery and I had to go sit with her as she woke up) but I have never ever had an office say we would have to leave or call social services even if the kids start fighting, they simply come and get me from the room unless I am having a medical test done.  At age 12 kids are old enough to babysit, they are able to sit in a waiting room imo.  My kids are not neurotypical and can have some issues with behaviour but every clinic both here in the small town and in the big city has been fine with me leaving them in the waiting room to speak privately or have tests done.  I mean really I didn't need my 10+ yr old son in the room with me while I had a pap and breast exam.  None of them need to be in there for that for goodness sake.  Or when talking to the shrink about the behaviours of a child none of them need to listen in etc.

 

[RanchGirl]

If someone's go-to problem solving technique is calling child services, I would not offer them my patronage anymore, especially if it was an MD's office (I say especially because of the weight child services will give to any complaint, reasonable or unreasonable, when it comes from a health professional).

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

The kids pediatrician office doesn't mind kids left alone as long as behavior is appropriate. My GP has a sign posted saying not to leave children unattended.

[SKL]

What do they think CPS would do anyway, with a report like that?

Not that I'm saying anyone should risk it....

[momto10blessings]

Do most doctors not allow you to leave older children in the waiting room while you go in to speak to the doctor? Our pediatrician allows and encourages us to leave the older, responsible ones in the waiting rooms, but my doctor and most of the specialists' won't. I don't want to take them all in with me partly for privacy of the person being seen and because the rooms are so small! I only want to leave kids that are 10 and 12 (closer to 13) and all they will do is sit nicely and read books. The doctors that have let me leave them outside have all said they are fine with it and they are never any trouble. We have a lot of recurring appointments so they are familiar w/ us. It's frustrating because if I can't leave them outside, then I have to ask DH to get off of work since I'm not swimming in babysitters. I'd almost consider leaving them home at this point except the doctors are so far away with over an hour in travel time alone. I asked if even the 12 yr old could sit outside and wait and they told me no, and we'd be asked to leave or social services would be called. Seriously?

I would leave 10 and 12 yr olds in the waiting room if they could be trusted to sit and read.

My thoughts-

I wouldn't ask the doctor/nurse/receptionist if they could stay out there and wait, I'd just leave them there.

I probably would not go back to that dr if at all possible after they mentioned social services. That would be a huge red light for me. No way would I trust them again.

One thing I have done with younger kids (when getting internal exams at OB) is leave them outside the door of the exam room, standing against the wall. I didn't trust them to do this until about age 5-6, depending on the kid and always a few kids out there together.

If you have to go back to this dr, find out the laws in your state. What age can kids be left alone, etc. print it out and show it to the nurse or whoever is giving you trouble and hopefully they'll leave you alone. Tell them that you'd much rather leave them inside the waiting room than outside the building. And make sure the kids know they need to be on their best behavior ;)

I hope you are able to figure something out

[momto10blessings]

Ugh, I just read that you can't switch doctors. So sorry

[G5052]

I have never, ever run into that, and we another family with a lot of appointments. Every kid is different, but mine stayed in the waiting room starting when the youngest was 8 y.o. Naturally I made sure that they had gone to the bathroom and aren't hungry or thirsty. I always asked the receptionist and explained that they had books and schoolwork, and they never blinked an eye.  For a clinic with almost no waiting room, I park them in the outpatient surgery waiting area near the receptionist and Starbucks and leave them with a cell phone and money for a snack.  

[Mommy22alyns]

I leave the girls in the waiting room at my doctor's office all the time.  I never asked; I just did it.  I've been going there for 8 years; there's never been a problem.

[Grover]

my dentist's waiting room is so cool my daughter doesn't want to leave it.  They always tell me just to let her stay there and they'll keep an eye on her (she was 4 last time I was there).  She's so lost in her imaginary world with their toys I doubt she even realises I'm gone.  DS has sat with a book in the waiting room at the GP since he was 6 or so - it's closer than in our own home at times.  I'm amazed they'd threaten child serivces - it's not like you're leaving them there while you leave the building. 

[Amy in NH]

Even my 8 year old can sit quietly in the waiting room with her book.

[Pod's mum]

I have had a report made on me for leaving a sleeping toddler with her older sister in a single hospital room in a safe children's hospital on a ward where we were regulars.

I usually dragged her back and fro with me to move the car in all weather.

Many nurses told me to leave her at different times, pre and post report.

The one time I did leave her, I much later discovered the report.

Was not impressed.

 

There are some officious people around and some have an agenda.

 

I obviously haven't learned as I do leave her in the waiting room now, some check ups are private.

[mom2scouts]

Today I left my 11 and 7 year olds sitting in a doctor's waiting room.  They were well behaved and nobody said anything.  I knew it was going to be a short appointment so I wasn't worried at all. Recently I left my 7 year old in the ped's waiting room while I went in with another child.  The appointment took longer than expected, but the staff put a video on for her.  If your children are well behaved it shouldn't be a problem.

[Desert Strawberry]

I had a complicated pregnancy when my oldest were 5 and 8. All of my doctors let my kids wait in the waiting room. One had a no kids in the exam room policy. My OB had a special private room that my kids used, even at 3 and 6 when I had internal exams. I only kept my one year old with me. 

They are in the waiting room, not wandering around the parking lot or playing on the highway. What exactly are they going to do?

[abba12]

Yikes! I am so sorry you can't switch doctors because that is over the top.

 

I know society is changing what is acceptable for kids to do alone but at 10 and 12 my sister and I would be left home alone for the morning, or trusted to spend time unsupervised in our (small) town while mum ran errands. Since you are traveling so far I can understand not wanting to leave them home, and not being familiar enough with the town to let them loose without you, so at those ages I'd look for a cafeteria or library, or if they are responsible enough a small shopping center, give them money for a couple of milkshakes and make sure they have a watch or mobile phone. Tell them where to meet you and at what time (1pm by the door of the building for example) and let them have an adventure :) Some of my best memories from that 10-14 age range were the times I was trusted to go off alone. I felt so grown up lol.

 

The age 5-9 group though... that is much harder with a doctor like you describe. What a nightmare. I understand not all kids are well behaved but plenty of people do not have money for or access to babysitters, what exactly do they expect you to do? 

[QueenCat]

I've seen signs in several doctors offices indicating that children under a certain age could not be left alone in the waiting room. Therefore, it doesn't surprise me that you had an issue.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd let them stay home and have a local friend on speed dial for emergencies or random check-ins. You'd probably all be happier.

[Loowit]

I leave them in most doctor's offices now.  I would not leave my 8 year old alone, however.  The only exception is DS's therapy office.  They have a strict policy that no children under 13 can be left in the waiting room.  I have no idea why.  When the kids were younger it would have been a problem, but now I can leave my older two at home during youngest's appointments.  When they were little I was fortunate that either my mom or MIL could watch my kids, but I know a lot of people don't have that option.

[Tap]

Our Pediatrician has a sign that children must be 12 to be unaccompanied in the lobby.

 

 

[idnib]

I went to a new dentist a few months ago while DH watched the kids. (Kids have been to the same dentist.) After my appointment I told the receptionist I would call her because I needed to check when DH could watch the kids and then I'd phone the office for the next appointment. She said she didn't know I had a little one and I said I just have the 5 and 9 year old. She looked at me like I had two heads and asked me why I wouldn't just bring them and leave them in the waiting room. And this was for a cleaning, so at least a 30 minute appointment. So I did bring them and they were fine. 

 

Now that the receptionist talked some sense into me I think if kids can read and are 6+  they should be fine. The 5 yo is a beginning reader and may become restless if left alone, but DS can read with her.

[FaithManor]

I don't think it's the responsibility of the staff to oversee unattended kids. I'm sure they have horror stories to tell. Your children might be great, but I bet a lot of people's kids are troublemakers and wild. They have work to do and do not need to take time out to interfere in the squabbles in the waiting room.

 

That said, I never took extra kids to the doctor's office if I could possibly help it. Even when we lived away from family, I'd hire a neighbor lady we knew well, or a friend from church to watch the others. I consider the average pediatrician's waiting room to be a den of disease. All of those little kids coughing, touching things, drooling, spitting up, dropping their stuff, handling the toys...I watched a kid whose mother told me he had impetigo, run around the office touching EVERYTHING and running up to people and leaning on their laps. NO thanks!

 

So, just my own quirk I guess. But, I really, really tried to never have a child with me that wasn't the patient.

[SwallowTail]

I had good luck with the office staff at my gynecologist being willing to keep an eye on dd when she was around 6, because I needed an ultrasound after a terrible miscarriage.  They understood the sensitive nature both of the exam and of my emotional state and were more than kind about  being helpful.  I also had a nurse hold my baby while I got a bazillion needle pricks in the back for some allergy tests.  My dd also went with me to physical therapy twice a week for six months, and we all just dealt with her as best we could.  I just don't have child care options, and my health care workers must be willing to work with me or they lose my bsuiness. 

[Danestress]

It seems silly for an 11 year old not to be able to sit and read a book. But I do understand in a way. It's not the job of office staff to supervise, and it's also not their job to try to ascertain which kids are going to be quiet and easy and which will cause problems. They can't know and arguably should not be out in that position.

[Melinda S in TX]

In the last three years since Hannah and Steven were diagnosed with cancer, my children have waited in many different places.  I've had three children ages 13, 8, and 3 wait in the hallway at the proton treatment center, the pediatric oncology clinic at our local hospital, the pediatric oncology clinic at MD Anderson, the family doctor, the lab, main clinic waiting room, etc.  All of my children, ages 3-16, have waited at various times in the main lobby of the children's hospital.  Most recently my boys, 13 and 11, have waited in the cancer center of a major teaching hospital, the large waiting area of a multi-specialty clinic (for four hours), the waiting room of our family doctor, the waiting room of the lab, the waiting room of the radiation treatment clinic, the main lobby of the children's hospital, the waiting room of a neurology clinic, the waiting room of the geneticist, the waiting room of the neurosurgeon, the waiting room of the pediatric oncology and hematology clinic, and the cardiology clinic.  A majority of these waiting rooms are at a teaching hospital.  They are huge and shared by many clinics.

 

No one has ever said anything negative to them.  They sit quietly and read books that we take with us.  I think the children behaving and appearing to be taken care of (not looking like they are hungry or need to go to the bathroom, etc) make people accept it more.

[LMD]

i just this morning left my 8 & 6 year olds in the waiting room at the doctors. No problems whatsoever. They read their books. Sorry op, what happened to you would be really annoying.