Is it common to ask for money to adopt?

[Meadowlark]

So, where I live, 3 couples that I know have adopted in the past few years. Another of my FB friends just posted a fundraising page today. All of these couples have been raising money, having fund raisers...benefits, etc to bring their children home. All are internationally adopted.

 

This is driving my parents and husband crazy, and me too a bit if I'm being honest. The constant asking for money part. Don't get me wrong, we all think adoption is AMAZINGLY wonderful, and I've even thought about it myself. But, the constant asking for money part is really beginning to....seem strange to us. My husband says "when we had our 5 kids, did we ask anyone to pay the hospital bill? No, because we CHOSE to have these children, and so the responsibility lies with us".

 

Im not wishing to ruffle any feathers or start a debate, but just curious if this sort of thing is common in other parts of the country. Again, adoption is beautiful and despite our feelings of weirdness, we will most likely support these people because it's in the best interest of these precious kids.

[Catwoman]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I think it's tacky.

[CaffeineDiary]

What I've seen is that often fundraisers like these are not fund-raising money for the adoption itself, but to support the agency, orphanage, or social services in the country of the adopted child.  Is it possible that that is what is going on, and you just read a bit too quickly?

 

[J-rap]

We know of several couples who have done this, and it rubs me the wrong way as well.  It's in the same category as asking people to fund your teen's summer missionary trip.  The intentions are good, but it seems like not taking the responsibility to fund it yourself is strange.

 

On the other hand, I know that within certain communities relying on each other for funding is very acceptable, and is an example of how events could be handled in an ideal world -- with everyone helping each other out. 

 

In the end, I really don't know what I think about it anymore.

[Spryte]

DH and I adopted twice, never asked for help.  We know many people in our area who've adopted both domestically and internationally, and not one couple has asked for more than good wishes.  

 

I've only heard of this practice on this board, and it seems to be tied to the idea of "rescuing" kids rather than building families, but I could be wrong about that.  

[Miss Peregrine]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I think it's tacky.

This.

[TechWife]

Yes, fundraising is common here. I've seen direct appeals, product sales and restaurant fundraisers. The funds are for the adoption by a specific family of a specific child, not for the agency or orphanage. 

 

 

[Annie G]

I think it's tacky and I hope my kids didn't offend people when they adopted our grandson.  They did have a garage sale and accepted donated goods to sell. No pressure at all and most people who donated were people like us who just drop things off at Goodwill instead of trying to sell them at a garage sale. So they did make almost $1000 but it seemed better than some of the folks I know who just outright asked for cash to adopt. 

 

 

[momto10blessings]

I don't mind it, as long as friends and family are not pressured to donate. The way I see it, it's saving a child from living in an orphanage and giving them a family. If a family doesn't have 20-30k for an adoption and that's all it takes to give a child a loving family, then go for it.

I did get a mass email once from a friend asking for money for their adoption, and then later a more personalized email saying they noticed I hadn't given any money and asking again. That was rude IMO. I have no problems with people asking for donations for yard sales, bake sales, building supplies (making picnic tables to sell), etc.

[LMA]

No different from people having fundraisers for their medical bills, cheerleading competitions, band trips to Disney, sports. People may ask for money for any activity. You don't have to participate. (and I usually do not participate)

[teachermom2834]

We have seen this. Straight up asking for cash for personal adoption expenses-not an agency. It makes me uncomfortable.

[Plink]

I have seen it a lot and it always makes me feel weird.  I haven't given it enough thought to figure out why.  If I believe that adoption is wonderful, why does this bother me?  Why does it feel so tacky?  

 

Maybe it is the endless nagging e-mails and invitations to Pampered Chef and other Multi-level Management parties that I'm really adverse to.  Hmm...

[aggieamy]

Wow.  I haven't seen that.

 

We adopted DS domestically and didn't even think to ask for cash.  We have dear friends who adopted internationally and they funded it all themselves also.  It's expensive and would have helped to have someone give us money for it but like others said that seems ... tacky.  

[Slache]

We plan to adopt 3-5 kids, both for the growing family aspect and the saving children aspect. That being said, I have no idea how we will come up with the $20,000-$60,000 in fees to do so. I would not be opposed to fundraising, though I would not ask a person personally for money. I would ask my husband's company, a multi-billion dollar corporation who has been known to sponsor adoptions in the past. I'm sorry if that's tacky, but I imagine I would be willing to look like total trash in someones eyes if it meant bringing a little one in off the street.

[Meadowlark]

What I've seen is that often fundraisers like these are not fund-raising money for the adoption itself, but to support the agency, orphanage, or social services in the country of the adopted child. Is it possible that that is what is going on, and you just read a bit too quickly?

No, this particular couple has sent out Facebook messages several times, specifically stating they were raising money to adopt. The page sent out today says that the last $10,000 will cover travel expenses to bring the kids home.

 

I'm glad we aren't the only ones who think this is a bit tacky.

[Annie G]

There's an adoption credit that allows families to recoup what they spend for an adoption. Maybe not all, but dd was able to recoup all they spent.   I know a family who paid for most of an international adoption through donations and when the tax credit came through they took their family to spend a week at Disney World. A few people I knew were kind of upset over that.  It came across as, 'hey, we can't pay for this, can you help us? Oh! We got our adoption tax credit and we're going to Disney World!"

[Spryte]

I would ask my husband's company, a multi-billion dollar corporation who has been known to sponsor adoptions in the past. 

 

Some companies offer adoption assistance as part of their benefits package, so it is normal to check into that.  And don't forget that there are tax benefits to adopting as well, which offset some of the cost once adoption is finalized.

[Slache]

There's an adoption credit that allows families to recoup what they spend for an adoption. Maybe not all, but dd was able to recoup all they spent.   I know a family who paid for most of an international adoption through donations and when the tax credit came through they took their family to spend a week at Disney World. A few people I knew were kind of upset over that.  It came across as, 'hey, we can't pay for this, can you help us? Oh! We got our adoption tax credit and we're going to Disney World!"

 

That's horrid.

[Slache]

Some companies offer adoption assistance as part of their benefits package, so it is normal to check into that.  And don't forget that there are tax benefits to adopting as well, which offset some of the cost once adoption is finalized.

 

I'm very ignorant about this so I could be totally wrong, but I think the adoption credit only covers about $1,000 and we are very not wealthy people. I will look into it further, but I think we're a year or two down the road from looking into it. His company will cover $2,000, but when they've been contacted in the past about coughing up $50,000 or so they've done it for the sake of a child, and I have no shame in asking them for that.

[gingersmom]

Does this mean in the future they are going to ask for money to raise their children?

 

Summer camp and extra curricular activities are expensive? College?

 

Totally weird to me.

[TravelingChris]

I have never seen this,  I have met plenty of parents who have adopted and I know that I am facebook friends with several but none has ever asked us in person or through facebook or email to help with expenses. In fact, the only fundraising with adoption or orphanages that I have seen is fundraising for sending a team to help build buildings at an orphanage or send supplies to an orphanage or while we were in Europe, there was a group of older Ukrainian orphans who were getting a trip to Belgium for a vacation and there was some fundraising or buying of supplies for the orphans for their trip.  In the Belgium version, some of those children may have eventually been adopted by one of the families involved in the trip planning but there was no certainty there and the main goal was for the betterment of the orphans, not to fund any parent expenses.  Oh, and when our church sends a mission trip (like we do every two years to help an orphanage and school in the Dominican Republic that is helping with the orphan crisis of refugees from Haiti), no one is paying for the trip costs except the participants and all donations have to do with items for the project or for the orphans themselves. 

 

I wouldn't do this because I think if you can't afford the travel costs after you are saving and contemplating such a move for a few years, you aren't in any position financially to be adopting from overseas.  Furthermore, if the reason you can't afford it is because this is a sudden decision, that is another reason against helping with costs.

[Ivey]

Personal info removed. 

[Berta]

I have two adopted children. I can understand holding raffles, yard sales and other fundraising but not asking for cash. Adoption is expensive and there are some people that can afford to raise a child, but cannot afford the huge out lay of cash for the actual adoption process.

 

My older daughter was step parent adoption so the costs were minimal. We paid for our 2nd adoption (China) without fundraising mainly because I was too lazy to hold a yard sale or do any other type of fundraising. We were able to get $10,000 back in approved expenses from my DH's work, and then we were eligible for a one time tax credit refund of over $17,000. In the end our adoption cost us about $2,000 out of pocket after the reimbursements. A lot of people do not have that kind of cash to lay out upfront. We were lucky that we had just sold our house and made a pretty good amount of cash on it or else we never could have afforded it without some sort of fundraising.

[elegantlion]

I vote tacky. Adoption is an optional expense. I can see fundraising for expenses for cancer tx or major medical bills, those are not optional. 

[catz]

I think it's tacky and I hope my kids didn't offend people when they adopted our grandson.  They did have a garage sale and accepted donated goods to sell. No pressure at all and most people who donated were people like us who just drop things off at Goodwill instead of trying to sell them at a garage sale. So they did make almost $1000 but it seemed better than some of the folks I know who just outright asked for cash to adopt.

See like having a fund raising event doesn't seem as bad to me. A garage sale, car wash, fun event where someone is working hard behind the scenes and someone is paying for an item or service seems totally ok for me. The "just hand me some money" thing by a healthy, able bodied adult is tacky IMO. And that definitely goes for kid's trips, etc. I had a complicated pregnancy and delivery that cost quite a bit more than expected, but I wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone to cover that.

 

I've got a friend posting non-stop on FB about a trip her and kids are taking overseas to help build a playground and asking for direct donations. There are plenty of neighborhoods locally that need updated playgrounds and I haven't taken my own kids overseas yet, so good luck with that, but no I won't be donating. If they were doing an event or something that worked for us as a fund raiser and it worked for us, I would consider that.

[Impish]

If I ran the world, adoption would NEVER be a 'for profit' situation, period.

 

To me, that's the problem, so many ppl demanding a piece of the financial pie, which makes adoption a financial burden that few families can manage on their own.

 

I think I'd rather have ppl asking for fund raising than children being left to moulder in orphanages.

[Jennifer132]

I think there are regular, middle class families who have a heart for adoption, and who could afford to have a child brought into their home, but cannot afford the associated fees. I have one friend who adopted twins and it was upwards of 100k for all the expenses. These people are asking for funds because they are willing to do the hands on work of raising an orphan. So those who arent willing or able to do the hands on bit can still take care of the orphans by donating. Those who are wealthy enough to do adoption on their own, don't nessesarily have the heart to do it, and conversely those who aren't wealthy enough may have the heart to do it. So we have to sometimes work together to make the happen.

 

All that being said, we chose foster to adopt because it's free, and we didn't want to ask people for money. We know plenty who do fundraisers, and I don't have an issue with it, personally. and I do know what you mean in terms of people asking for money for different causes. I have had a few experiences where it was done excessively or in poor taste.

[SKL]

I see it sometimes on facebook and on blogs.  Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't.

 

When I decide to give, usually the situation is that the particular adoption has become complicated and ended up costing way more than it was supposed to.  Hate to see a family strapped like that on account of an adoption.  If a child is born in the USA and the birth is more complicated than expected, usually the health insurance picks up most of the difference.  Can't fall back on insurance with a complicated adoption.

 

As for the "saving" aspect, a couple times I've donated when the child in question is special needs and at great risk (of death as well as neglect) if left unadopted in a foreign country.  I also give money to foreign orphanages, special needs schools, etc., because I do have a heart for those children.  But there's nothing like giving a hard-to-place child a home.  So I support that and I don't really care if the ask is "tacky."

 

That said, I adopted two kids and I paid a lot out of pocket for the lawyer fees etc.  There is a tax credit that covers some, but in my case only a fraction of the cost.  I didn't ask for help, but I had money in the bank, so I didn't have the need.  Not sure what point I'd have to get to before asking for financial help with an adoption.  It was hard enough to ask people for letters of recommendation.

[FaithManor]

Hmmm...I think that kind of direct appeal is tacky. Within our family, we chose to assist a family member with the expenses of an adoption. The couple did.not.ask., we just happened to know how expensive it was and how hard they were working to save the money and made a generous donation because we wanted to do so. I would not like a direct appeal.

 

I have seen all kinds of appeals for money...donate to my paypal account for my kid's violin lessons, or the hiking trip to Europe, or the band wants to go to Cedar Point (???this one really kills me because ya know, that's a really valid educational field trip right!), or we want to get a pitching coach for our kid because we think he's going to go Pro, or.....there is nothing wrong with family members choosing, without being asked, to help fund activities for relative's children if they want, but I have a serious issue with trying to IMPOSE this on others by making direct appeals or trying to get your friends and family to buy crap. My SIL did this when she wanted to spend $8000.00 in TN to spend a couple of weeks with some vocal coach because she thinks she's going to be the next big Country and Western star. UGH...no, we did not assist.

 

I'm not comfortable with this kind of thing. People need to work and save, take on a second job, pet sit, dog walk, farm sit, sell unneeded items, etc. and if their family or closest friends make an offer to assist, humbly accept it. BUT, facebook, door to door, ads in the paper, letters and mass mailings, ...no. The bottom line is that one needs to have a plan, as much as possible given that we all can't predict the future and have no magic crystal ball, for the financial reality of bringing another person into our family units. But, that's just me. Possibly, I'm sensitive because it just seems like bazillions of people have their hats out asking for donations for all manner of things under the sun, and I'm weary of it. I have three boys to put through college so I can honestly say I am tired of the never ending appeals.

[katilac]

I'm very ignorant about this so I could be totally wrong, but I think the adoption credit only covers about $1,000 and we are very not wealthy people. I will look into it further, but I think we're a year or two down the road from looking into it. His company will cover $2,000, but when they've been contacted in the past about coughing up $50,000 or so they've done it for the sake of a child, and I have no shame in asking them for that.

 

What should I know about claiming the Adoption Credit for tax year 2013?

1. The maximum amount of the credit for each eligible child is $12,970. Therefore, you may be able to reduce your tax liability for tax year 2013 by up to $12,970.
2. You can carry any unused credit forward up to five tax years.
3. For tax year 2013 returns, the credit begins to phase out if your modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) is more $194,580. The credit is completely eliminated if your MAGI for tax year 2013 equals or exceeds $234,580.

 

More at the link: http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/Adoption-Benefits-FAQs

[LMV]

We've never asked for funding towards adoption and never would.  We've also really tried to look at our own resources from a financial, emotional, and physical standpoint before considering adding children to the family.  We've tried to avoid situations that would max and or tax these resources.  I often worry that families asking for financial support to adopt may not have really looked at all of their resources with a realistic and critical eye.  I'm not saying that this is always the case because I also realize that unfortunately the adoption industry has become an industry in all senses of the word and there are some less than ethical individuals and groups involved.  For this reason, I can understand that there are some families that are essentially being extorted to bring their child home and will be able to fully provide for the child once they actually are home.  In one sense I feel for these families and children but in another sense I worry that those of us funding this process may just be perpetuating a bad cycle.

 

In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that we have contributed to a few mass fundraisers for families adopting but I will also admit we had some misgivings at the time.  The only way I could see us contributing a significant amount and feeling really good about it would be if it was one of our children or perhaps a niece or nephew who was adopting and needed financial assistance for some one time expenses related to adoption, was adopting through a reputable and ethical situation, and otherwise had the resources to fully support their family.  Then I would consider it more like family helping family.   When DH's godson (also our foster son) and his wife had their son they had a lot of unexpected hospital bills from the pregnancy and birth that were not covered by insurance.  We paid those bills for them because we were in a position to do that and we wanted to support and help them.   I could see us paying a significant chunk towards adoption expenses for them or for another adult child for the same reason.

 

 

[Jeannie in NJ]

we didn't ask anyone for money when we adopted our dc and we adopted our oldest before the tax credit was available.  However, that being said, friends, family and dh's co-workers gave us everything we needed for our first dc, ex. all baby type equipment, clothes, etc which helped a lot.  We know several people that have adopted and none of them have asked for money.

[SKL]

The adoption tax credit changes each year, so look it up for 2014 or whatever year the adoption will occur.

 

You can claim documented expenses up to that amount.  It is "per child," so if you adopt multiple kids, your credit can be larger.  It is not a refundable credit, but you can carry it forward.  It phases out (and no carry forward) if you make more than a certain amount, which also changes over time.

 

There may be a state credit also; check it out.

 

Some companies offer adoption assistance.  Mine offered $5K per child, which was a drop in the bucket but a heck of a lot better than nothing.

[SKL]

I would add that many people believe that adoption is a wonderful thing, but for many reasons it is not right for their own families.  These are folks who might feel privileged to be able to support somebody else's adoption.

[Slache]

 

What should I know about claiming the Adoption Credit for tax year 2013?

1. The maximum amount of the credit for each eligible child is $12,970. Therefore, you may be able to reduce your tax liability for tax year 2013 by up to $12,970.
2. You can carry any unused credit forward up to five tax years.
3. For tax year 2013 returns, the credit begins to phase out if your modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) is more $194,580. The credit is completely eliminated if your MAGI for tax year 2013 equals or exceeds $234,580.

 

More at the link: http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/Adoption-Benefits-FAQs

 

 

Wow. Thanks. I'm afraid to look into it too much right now because I'm afraid I'll hit a point of no return and we REALLY want our debt paid off before we go into more on an adoption.

[gardenmom5]

I haven't received any requests for money for adoption. 

 

my brother did send me a request for money for his *very well-traveled* daughter to do an extra-curricular (re: not attached to any other program)school trip across the country.  I ignored it.

[Miss Peregrine]

The adoption tax credit changes each year, so look it up for 2014 or whatever year the adoption will occur.

 

You can claim documented expenses up to that amount. It is "per child," so if you adopt multiple kids, your credit can be larger. It is not a refundable credit, but you can carry it forward. It phases out (and no carry forward) if you make more than a certain amount, which also changes over time.

 

There may be a state credit also; check it out.

 

Some companies offer adoption assistance. Mine offered $5K per child, which was a drop in the bucket but a heck of a lot better than nothing.

Also, if your adoption is deemed 'special needs' you can claim the whole credit with no expenses. We had no expenses to claim for DS's adoption except for fingerprints and received the whole credit.

[catz]

Well I don't mind it.  If I have money to give and I feel like giving I will.  If not, I don't think about it further.  I think it is ridiculous that adoption costs as much as it does.  It probably keeps perfectly good people/potential parents from adopting.  And it's somewhat not hugely different than baby showers.   AND to me at least it's somewhat doing something to help humankind (unlike donating money to the cheerleaders in the rich town next door do they can buy cuter outfits).

I do totally agree adoption costs WAY too much.

 

And I will say, we directly wrote a rather large check to a couple adopting a large sibling group out of foster not long ago. But the difference was there was no request for money. They had just posted on facebook looking for bed frames and shared their story. It's the multiple postings/e-mails/appeals that get annoying.

 

I'm also not a huge fan of showers. I'm fine if person A throws a shower for person B. If I get an invite, and know person B well enough I get busy knitting/buying something and go and have fun. It's person B thinking they're entitled to mountains of free stuff/multiple showers that gets to me. I personally never had a baby shower. My first baby was high risk and I was not in the mood to have a party for a baby I wasn't sure was going to make it when my SIL wanted to do it. I am totally fine with that. We ended up getting a ton of sweet baby gifts anyway.

 

The thing I have a problem with is a sense of entitlement.

 

Got other MULTIPLE requests last year for a kid going to a music camp. We scrimp and save every year for our own kids to go to music camp. This kid had started their instrument 6 months before and was 16 years old (plenty old enough to be doing some scrimping/saving of their own). And the family was taking a road trip. Essentially they were fund raising for a family vacation IMO. It was beyond obnoxious.

[aggieamy]

I'm very ignorant about this so I could be totally wrong, but I think the adoption credit only covers about $1,000 and we are very not wealthy people. I will look into it further, but I think we're a year or two down the road from looking into it. His company will cover $2,000, but when they've been contacted in the past about coughing up $50,000 or so they've done it for the sake of a child, and I have no shame in asking them for that.

 

The adoption tax credit is about $13k and I would budget about $50k for international or domestic adoption.  

[jamijoy]

I would add that many people believe that adoption is a wonderful thing, but for many reasons it is not right for their own families.  These are folks who might feel privileged to be able to support somebody else's adoption.

 

The above is true for myself, whether it's adoption, mission trips, Operation Christmas Child gifts, etc.

 

The end result in fundraising for adoption is an orphan being placed into a forever family, giving that orphan love, medical care, education, and hope.  To me, that trumps any tacky or uncomfortable feelings anyone might have.  

[LMV]

Does this mean in the future they are going to ask for money to raise their children?

 

Summer camp and extra curricular activities are expensive? College?

 

Totally weird to me.

 

Sometimes sense of purpose, calling, and entitlement get twisted in weird ways.  There was actually a fund set up for a mom (of seven, three of whom were adopted internationally which was mentioned twice in the initial fundraising letter as a justification for why funds should be given because she had opened her home to three orphans from overseas) to attend a conference for parents of children with a particular disease a few years ago.  At face value that doesn't sound so bad.  Personally, I can think of better educational options for parents than the particular conference this woman selected and crossing two time zones to attend anything not required would have been very low on my priority list when our kids were sick but I accepted that this might be a your mileage varies situation and we sent a check to defray some of her costs.  After DH sent the check he received an email from the person organizing the fundraiser (who we know but not well) who essentially called him out for not contributing more because we were clearly in a financial position to do so.  DH felt the email was in poor taste but he is very much a live and let live kind of guy so he just deleted and ignored the email.  That prompted an email, from the individual that funds were being raised for, begging for additional funds.  In the begging email, which DH and I both received separately, there were requests for additional funding for the conference and explanations that they had been unable to pay their mortgage and were likely losing their home.  On some level, we really felt for the family but we really weren't sure that the whole thing wasn't a scam or that we would really even be helping their kids if we did send more money so we didn't.  That was three years ago and the same family is now fundraising for another adoption. 

[Slache]

The adoption tax credit is about $13k and I would budget about $50k for international or domestic adoption.  

 

I know about the $50K. It makes me sad because I would take an orphan right this minute if I could. I can imagine thousands of people would line up, who wouldn't have otherwise, if it wasn't so expensive. Thanks.

[TranquilMind]

So, where I live, 3 couples that I know have adopted in the past few years. Another of my FB friends just posted a fundraising page today. All of these couples have been raising money, having fund raisers...benefits, etc to bring their children home. All are internationally adopted.

 

This is driving my parents and husband crazy, and me too a bit if I'm being honest. The constant asking for money part. Don't get me wrong, we all think adoption is AMAZINGLY wonderful, and I've even thought about it myself. But, the constant asking for money part is really beginning to....seem strange to us. My husband says "when we had our 5 kids, did we ask anyone to pay the hospital bill? No, because we CHOSE to have these children, and so the responsibility lies with us".

 

Im not wishing to ruffle any feathers or start a debate, but just curious if this sort of thing is common in other parts of the country. Again, adoption is beautiful and despite our feelings of weirdness, we will most likely support these people because it's in the best interest of these precious kids.

No, it is ridiculous to expect others to fund your completely voluntary choice. 

Your husband is right.

[TranquilMind]

I do totally agree adoption costs WAY too much.

 

And I will say, we directly wrote a rather large check to a couple adopting a large sibling group out of foster not long ago. But the difference was there was no request for money. They had just posted on facebook looking for bed frames and shared their story. It's the multiple postings/e-mails/appeals that get annoying.

 

I'm also not a huge fan of showers. I'm fine if person A throws a shower for person B. If I get an invite, and know person B well enough I get busy knitting/buying something and go and have fun. It's person B thinking they're entitled to mountains of free stuff/multiple showers that gets to me. I personally never had a baby shower. My first baby was high risk and I was not in the mood to have a party for a baby I wasn't sure was going to make it when my SIL wanted to do it. I am totally fine with that. We ended up getting a ton of sweet baby gifts anyway.

 

The thing I have a problem with is a sense of entitlement.

 

Got other MULTIPLE requests last year for a kid going to a music camp. We scrimp and save every year for our own kids to go to music camp. This kid had started their instrument 6 months before and was 16 years old (plenty old enough to be doing some scrimping/saving of their own). And the family was taking a road trip. Essentially they were fund raising for a family vacation IMO. It was beyond obnoxious.

THIS!

[Miss Peregrine]

I know about the $50K. It makes me sad because I would take an orphan right this minute if I could. I can imagine thousands of people would line up, who wouldn't have otherwise, if it wasn't so expensive. Thanks.

Have you looked into foster adoption?

[Happy]

We did not fundraise when we adopted our two. For the first one, we got a 'home-improvement' loan from our local bank. Our banker was an adoptive father himself and assured us our home would be improved with the addition of a child. :)  Banking has changed considerably since then (nearly 30 years!) and I doubt we would be able to do the same. Although we did something similar with the second son a few years later.

 

I suppose we could have saved for a couple of years and not done the debt....but we had already done a few years of infertility treatments....it seemed like time was slipping through our fingers.

 

There was NO adoption tax credit then (wow, what a blessing that would have been...)

 

So, yes, we occasionally see a fund raiser for a friend of a friend. I've contributed small handmade items to sell at auction for them. Never given outright cash. If it were someone I knew well, I'd have no problem contributing to the cause.

 

One thing to remember...often birth children's arrival is covered in part by insurance. I've heard my friend's say their child's birth cost just a few hundred dollars in co-pay. Our adoption fees covered many of the birth mom's medical costs, plus lawyer fees and ran well over 10K for each child. I know that number is twice that and more these days.

 

It's not an easy thing to adopt. Try to cut these folks a little grace. Give or don't as your heart and pocketbook dictate...

[SKL]

There are also other additional helps for special needs adoptions, and the fees can be less depending on the specific facts of the case.

[kbutton]

I think having a fundraiser is great, but asking why someone didn't participate is not. I think if friends and family have expressed an interest in giving cash, it's okay to send them information (but not to follow up like they've signed a contract). Otherwise, if you need cash and know that some folks would support you if they knew about the situation, I think it would be a good idea to start a blog or Facebook page where folks OPT IN to follow your situation. So, you might let people know that you are having fundraisers, etc. for your adoption, and that they can go to xyz to follow the process and/or donate if they are interested. No following up by the person who is raising funds and no strings attached.

 

 

[Slache]

Have you looked into foster adoption?

 We're going to move out of state in about 2 years and don't know where we're landing yet, but it's on my list of things to look into. Thanks.

[LMV]

I do totally agree adoption costs WAY too much.

 

And I will say, we directly wrote a rather large check to a couple adopting a large sibling group out of foster not long ago. But the difference was there was no request for money. They had just posted on facebook looking for bed frames and shared their story. 

 

There was a family in our church who took in four children from the wife's family after a family death.  We knew them well enough to know that they would be a bit financially taxed with this addition but also understood that they were really the only option these children had and completely understood and agreed with their resolve to do whatever they could for family.  I felt that giving them the money directly might make our relationship awkward so  we wrote a check to our church who then funneled the money anonymously to them.