If a child borrowed money from you and forgot about it, WWYD?

[Rebecca VA]

The other day I had to take a friend of my daughter's to the airport. She was travelling unaccompanied with a very heavy (75 lb.) suitcase. She had $40 on her debit card.

 

When we got to the check-in counter, it turned out that the airline wanted $75 to transport the suitcase. The girl didn't have the money to pay for it, so I paid it instead. I *think* she heard the amount that was required, and I *think* she was handed the receipt by the ticket agent. She thanked me profusely, and nothing more was said about it. She probably has forgotten about it by now.

 

Normally I'm pretty easygoing about small sums of money, but $75 is a lot. If I knew the parents well, I'd probably mention it to them. However, I don't know them at all. (The child is a 15-year-old schoolmate of my daughter's.) We have never had any communication.

 

I'm sure the parents can afford to pay the amount, but I am very hesitant to ask them for it. Should I just let it go in the interest of friendship? It seems very intrusive to just contact them and say, "You don't know me, but you owe me $75.00. Oh, and BTW, I don't have a receipt or anything to prove it, and you'll just have to believe I paid it."

 

What would you do?

[unsinkable]

Ask your DD how to contact the girl.

 

Then contact the girl and gently remind her that you are expecting the money.

[QueenCat]

I would contact the parents asap. The longer you wait, the less likely you are to see the $. Just say "I'm not sure Susie told you but there was a charge for her suitcase. She didn't have the money so I loaned her the $. I will be by tomorrow at 5pm to pick it up. Oh, that time's not good? Give me a time in the next couple of days and I'll be there".

[Tammyla]

I'd contact the parents asap too; and you shouldn't feel weird about it either.

 

 

I'd certainly want to know if my kid had you pay so I could pay you back.

[happi duck]

With a 15 yo I'd remind the kid. (Unless she is still out of town or whatever)

Definitely get your money back...nothing wrong with a reminder.

[unsinkable]

Why are people suggesting going to the parents first, without asking the girl herself?

[bolt.]

I'm not sure (from the way you told the story) that you even told the girl it was a loan? Did you give her any ideas as to how and when she might pay you back, or what your expectation was?

 

Very few adults make "loans" to a teen like that, so it might have been her first experience, and if you werent clear, she may have interpreted as you helping her out, no strings attached.

 

If you were clear, just contact her and ask when she is coming home and make arrangements to get the money from her.

 

If you weren't clear, I think you might need to re-think the situation based on her possible ignorance of expectations.

[Laurie4b]

Most likely, it's a matter of the girl forgetting about it. Just remind her. " Cyndi, I know you've probably forgotten this by now, but I do need the $75 I paid for your suitcase."

 

I don't think you should give a thought to being able to "prove" it. That is a very unlikely scenario. Do you have reason to distrust them? If not, I would just assume the best and remind her and/or her parents.

 

I also don't think you should think about just sucking it up and not saying anything for the "sake of the friendship." Again, unless they are dishonest people, there is no reason to think that there will be any trouble with this.

 

It may be that you have the kind of mind who would never forget something like that and that's why you are wondering if there is something deliberate about it. Believe me, there are plenty of people who forget stuff like that! I'm one of them. And I'm also one who would forget that someone owed me money, too. But particularly before she was flying off somewhere, it's reasonable that she forgot about it.

[zoobie]

Your daughter can remind her for you. I would've just let the parents know, but you say you don't have contact with them. I can't imagine someone taking my 15 year old to the airport without knowing her! Is there a weird family situation? You could be out of luck I guess. I wouldn't hound her, but I don't think there's any reason not to ask.

[AimeeM]

I wouldn't put my daughter in the middle of it, by having her ask her friend about it - my own teenage daughter didn't do the lending, I did, and it may be awkward for her.

I would talk to the girl myself or to the parents - I'm not sure it matters which one, other than that I'm hesitant to go "party line" with a teenager to her parents, so I'd probably opt directly for the parents.

[Pippen]

If I were the other parent I would want you to contact me directly so I could get you paid ASAP.

[NotSoObvious]

I'd bet the girl thinks you offered to pay for it, which is why she thanked you profusely.

[Halftime Hope]

I'd contact the girl directly, and if she doesn't respond, then I'd contact the parents. I did that same kind of "bail you out" favor for a student on a trip once and she stiffed me for the $55. I'd forgotten about it, but it still annoys me. I should have been on it immediately, and then when I didn't get a satisfactory response from her, I should have taken it to her parents. I let it go, and then when I had occasion to go to her parents' house months later, they were obviousy quite wealthy, and it made me mad all over again, that time more at myself than anything.

[IrishMum]

She might be naive enough to think it was a gift. Honestly, my kids wouldn't know it was a loan unless they were told in no uncertain terms. I would approach her yourself, and clarify the situation.

[Pippen]

I forked out $40 to a student for luggage on the trip (she couldn't find her card). The family paid me back a week or so after we returned--the next time the group was scheduled to meet.

[8circles]

At 15 I wouldn't have automatically known that I needed to repay - I would have assumed it was a gift unless explicitly stated that it wasn't. But who knows in this case... I can't imagine how this scenario happened in the first place. How did you get to take an unknown minor child to the airport, not even knowing her parents?

[Slartibartfast]

I would ask the parents directly, the child is 15 so I wouldn't think they would necessarily realize that it needed to be paid back.

[Mrs Mungo]

I agree with those who say that she may not have realizes it was a loan, unless you explicitly stated that you expected to be paid back. I would contact the parents.

[katilac]

I wouldn't let it go in the interest of friendship, IF it was very clear that it was a loan. I'm with those who are thinking that, if you just stepped in and handled it, the girl may have thought you were, well, handling it!

 

Did you say, I can lend you the money? Or, I'll take care of it for now, and you can pay me when you get back? If I just stepped up and handed over my credit card without saying anything about a loan, I'd probably smack myself in the head and consider it a lesson learned.

 

How long has it been? You said "the other day," so if it hasn't been long and she is just getting back, it is possible she will bring it up.

[Guest]

I must be an anomaly. I was ready to say, "Forget about it. Sunk cost. Good Karma." I'm surprised the responses are so definite on asking for the money. Maybe I'm wrong.

[Guest]

I can't answer the original question, because I can't get past the fact that you took a kid whose parents you didn't know, to the airport. Not that it's bad on your part....but what kind of parent lets someone they don't know take their kid to get on a flight. That just blows my mind.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I can't answer the original question, because I can't get past the fact that you took a kid whose parents you didn't know, to the airport. Not that it's bad on your part....but what kind of parent lets someone they don't know take their kid to get on a flight. That just blows my mind.

 

It's just carpooling. If my child were going on a trip with others from a group, I might not know all the parents but would have no problem letting my 15 year old ride in their car. It isn't like I have to worry about if they have the right carseat. And if my child were visiting an area where they have a friend, I might not know the parents. But I did a lot of travel without my parents in my teens.

[Mrs Mungo]

I must be an anomaly. I was ready to say, "Forget about it. Sunk cost. Good Karma." I'm surprised the responses are so definite on asking for the money. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

I should clarify. *I* would probably let it go. BUT, if I was in the OP's situation where that is a lot of money to my family and a potential strain on the budget? I would talk to the parents about it in that case.

[Mrs Mungo]

I can't answer the original question, because I can't get past the fact that you took a kid whose parents you didn't know, to the airport. Not that it's bad on your part....but what kind of parent lets someone they don't know take their kid to get on a flight. That just blows my mind.

 

How old are your kids? My teens have definitely received rides to events from families I did not know very well (or at all). It happens as they get older.

[8circles]

How old are your kids? My teens have definitely received rides to events from families I did not know very well (or at all). It happens as they get older.

 

I guess I can see that, now that it's laid-out that way. It wouldn't have happened to me as a 15 yr-old but that's probably just my family. I can see that it isn't such a weird thing like it originally struck me.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I'd probably let it go. But if you were clear about it being a loan, then ask the teen directly first.

[Sara in AZ]

The way you phrased your conversation with the girl sounds unclear to me. It sounds like you are waiting for her to repay what you "think" she heard as the amount but that you didn't clearly specify your expectations to her that she should, indeed, return your $75 as soon as possible. Sounds like an awkward conversation is in order if you really want it back. $75 is not an insubstantial sum, so it may be worth it. I would probably chicken out and err on the side of being more clear next time I find myself in a similar situation.

[Guest]

How old are your kids? My teens have definitely received rides to events from families I did not know very well (or at all). It happens as they get older.

 

10, 17 and 21.

 

*shrug*

 

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't be letting any kid in my car, especially to go to the airport, without meeting the parents first. I have let my kids ride with other people often....but they are people I knew.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

10, 17 and 21.

 

*shrug*

 

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't be letting any kid in my car, especially to go to the airport, without meeting the parents first. I have let my kids ride with other people often....but they are people I knew.

 

My eldest is 17. She has lived in 7 homes. We don't always have the luxury of knowing every family that dd might interact with. Therefore, I don't find that aspect of the OP surprising. Every circumstance is different.

 

[Rebecca VA]

You know what, I probably won't ask for the money back. The girl is a good friend to my daughter; she's not a stranger. Maybe she will invite my daughter to visit her at her home out West one day. I'm sure it will all even out in the end.

 

The reason I took her to the airport is because the girls go to boarding school together. I'm a local parent, and it made perfect sense for me to take my child's friend home for the afternoon and then to the airport that evening. Otherwise, she would have been sitting alone in the airport for six hours. The parents all have directories with addresses, phone numbers, and e-mails of other parents; we're not completely unknown to each other.

 

Thanks for all the replies!

[ondreeuh]

Well, regardless of whether she assumed it was a gift or a loan, it is TOTALLY reasonable that you get paid back. It's not like you offered to buy her lunch or something. You saved her butt in a situation she couldn't handle herself. I am SURE her parents would have sent her with more $$ if they had known she needed it.

 

I wouldn't go through the girl, because it's not HER money you're asking for, right? Her parents would be paying for it. So I would contact the parents, and just say that when you took their dd to the airport, she was charged an oversized baggage fee. Since she didn't have the money to cover it, you paid for it.I am 99% certain that they will thank you and volunteer to pay you back on the spot. If they don't, then ask if they would be able to pay you back this week, and they could send it over with their dd or you could pick it up. Don't beat around the bush - you did their dd a huge favor (driving her to the airport AND covering the fee so she could travel with her bag!) and I am sure they will be happy to reimburse you.

[ondreeuh]

 

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't be letting any kid in my car, especially to go to the airport, without meeting the parents first. I have let my kids ride with other people often....but they are people I knew.

 

I am not saying that there's anything wrong with your choice, but I believe you are definitely in the minority. I have never met a family who insists on meeting the parents of every kid they drive. My dd17 is frequently driven by friends and friends' parents that I haven't met. Eventually I meet most of them, but if I insisted on meeting everyone first it would confuse everyone.

[katilac]

 

I am not saying that there's anything wrong with your choice, but I believe you are definitely in the minority. I have never met a family who insists on meeting the parents of every kid they drive. My dd17 is frequently driven by friends and friends' parents that I haven't met. Eventually I meet most of them, but if I insisted on meeting everyone first it would confuse everyone.

 

I think a big part of the difference is schooled vs home schooled - when teens are still being hs'd, meeting parents is pretty automatic. Setting up carpools and stuff with people you haven't met really doesn't come up.

[Trish]

I've never in my life paid extra for a suitcase. (because we make sure they're not too heavy, and we don't travel with extra bags, etc.) So, assuming the girl arrived the same way with the super-heavy suitcase, apparently that isn't a problem for the family and they're expecting the charge? At the moment they don't know it wasn't paid by their daughter, so you need to let them know so you can be repaid. Just wondering what the plan would've been if YOU didn't have $75 on you????

 

 

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

I think a big part of the difference is schooled vs home schooled - when teens are still being hs'd, meeting parents is pretty automatic. Setting up carpools and stuff with people you haven't met really doesn't come up.

 

 

None of my kids have ever attended a traditional school. We have always homeschooled. It still comes up for us. But, my kids have been involved with a lot of things-coops, theater groups, sports, etc. Again, moving every two years doesn't help.

[Rebecca VA]

Yeah, I know! She thought I was just going to drop her off at the airport. I insisted on walking in with her and making sure she got checked in properly. Good thing I did.

 

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

[IrishMum]

 

 

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

 

Rebecca VA, as a mum to kids who would be oblivious to the loan, I still think you should clarify the situation with the family. If someone had done such a lovely thing for one of my children I would want to repay them, even if the child had told me it was a gift.

[nansk]

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

Based on this clarification, I would suggest you let the money go. As you said, some day the friend may return the favour in some way to your dd.

[8circles]

Yeah, I know! She thought I was just going to drop her off at the airport. I insisted on walking in with her and making sure she got checked in properly. Good thing I did.

 

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

I absolutely think that it is totally fair/acceptable/reasonable for you to bring it up to the parents, especially since things are tight for you. But even with the clarification, I wouldn't have know that this was just a loan. I honestly think the girl just doesn't know. ETA: Even as an adult "Oh, I'll take care of that" wouldn't mean a loan. I don't think that is clear at all.

[Guest]

 

I am not saying that there's anything wrong with your choice, but I believe you are definitely in the minority. I have never met a family who insists on meeting the parents of every kid they drive. My dd17 is frequently driven by friends and friends' parents that I haven't met. Eventually I meet most of them, but if I insisted on meeting everyone first it would confuse everyone.

 

 

I disagree, based on my experiences with my own kids, as well as my much younger brothers when they were young. But to each his own. As a parent, I want to know who my kids are with. Likewise, I would want to have someone else's parents know who I am. Where I am from and where I live now...that is the general rule.

[katilac]

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

 

 

Strike those words from your vocabulary, lol. "I'll take care of that" is exactly what people say when they are reaching for the check in a restaurant . . .

[KungFuPanda]

10, 17 and 21.

*shrug*

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't be letting any kid in my car, especially to go to the airport, without meeting the parents first. I have let my kids ride with other people often....but they are people I knew.

 

 

My daughter is 16 and my son is almost 13. Honestly, it has NEVER come up that someone I don't know has offered either child a ride. My oldest has been in high school for over a year, so it's bound to happen eventually. I've never thought about it. I guess we need some sort of policy now.

 

Darn Hive making me think.😠

 

ETA: We've been in this area since my oldest was a baby.

[Chelli]

As an adult if you told me, "I'll take care of that," I would NOT think that it was a loan. That phrase to me indicates, "I'm paying for it. Don't worry about it." If you wanted me to pay you back you would say something like, "You can pay me back when you get home. I don't mind helping out."

[Tammi K]

Perhaps the girl might have thought it was a gift. Personally I would hope a 15 year old wasn't that naive. But, certainly the parents, when they learn that you paid the fee for their daughter, would not assume it was a gift. You don't even know the girl well.

If I learned that something similar had happened with my child I certainly would hope someone told me about it so I could rectify the situation.

[kiwik]

Personally I would have never at any age thought that anyone (other than my mother) would give me $75. But than I have always known that $75 is a lot of money, maybe she doesn't. Or maybe she just plans to pay you back next time she sees you. As a general rule I would say you accept hospitality from a friends parents not travel costs. But why did you pay the whole amount instead of the difference between the cost and what she had on the debit card? That makes no difference I just wondered.

[Lolly]

Yeah, I know! She thought I was just going to drop her off at the airport. I insisted on walking in with her and making sure she got checked in properly. Good thing I did.

 

I think I didn't make myself clear to her when I handed my credit card to the ticket agent. I said something like, "Oh, I'll take care of that," which most adults would understand to mean a loan, but a young teen wouldn't necessarily know that. I never said, "Be sure to ask your parents to send the money back to me next week." It was my fault for not being more clear.

 

In this case, I would let it go. As an adult, I would have thought your wording meant it was a gift, not a loan.

[bettyandbob]

$75 is a lot, even if it doesn't affect family budget. This isn't springing for $5 Starbucks while waiting for the flight. It's not paying $20 for an unplanned movie trip. This girl and her parents should have known about luggage fees(they've been in the news a lot). And if such fees didn't occur to them, it should be expected that another adult will just pick it up.

 

I'm not sure how a teen could not know it wasn't a loan. At younger ages, if I were n a situation where an adult had to give me even $5 I would have hit my babysitting money when I got home and returned the money in an envelope that also included a written Thank You. If it was a gift, it certainly would have been followed with a written thank you.

 

I would ask my dd for the girl's phone or email and ask her about the money, then I would also call the girl's parent and say I was the driver who paid her/his dd's $75 luggage fee.

 

I think that if you let the girl know you expect to be paid back you are doing her a favor. Hopefully, she won't become the "friend" who routinely shows up with not enough cash annoying everyone else in the group. I knew some one like that in college. We simply stopped inviting him to be part of our group of friends. No one wanted to be "mean" and tell him the problem.

 

ETA I'm not bothered by the OP not knowing the parents . It sounds like typical carpooling to a group event.

[Zebra]

As an adult if you told me, "I'll take care of that," I would NOT think that it was a loan. That phrase to me indicates, "I'm paying for it. Don't worry about it." If you wanted me to pay you back you would say something like, "You can pay me back when you get home. I don't mind helping out."

I completely agree. I would have thought it was a gift, and that's why I would have thanked you profusely. As an adult I would have replied with something like, "I'll pay you back as soon as I can." But, kids are used to having things done for them. I would just let it be a gift this time, and chalk it up to a good learning experience on my end.

[NotSoObvious]

As an adult if you told me, "I'll take care of that," I would NOT think that it was a loan. That phrase to me indicates, "I'm paying for it. Don't worry about it." If you wanted me to pay you back you would say something like, "You can pay me back when you get home. I don't mind helping out."

 

 

Yep. Agreed.

[Rebecca VA]

Really? You'd let someone you hardly know pay your expenses? I can understand having a relative step in and help, or even a best friend, but we hardly know this family.

 

I kind of have faith the family will pay back the favor in one way or another. I don't think they're the type to shun responsibility. I don't want to jeopardize this friendship between our girls -- they texted each other all day yesterday, and they're so sweet together.