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Why do posters continue, often over pages, to post responses criticizing the OP?


Lisa R.
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I'm not trying to scold anyone here. I've genuinely wondered this for a long time.

 

When an OP states their view on an issue and others disagree, many posters will write a post to tell them so. What puzzles me is why this goes on, sometimes, for pages.

 

I'm wondering: why restate what 20-30 posters have already said?

 

Do anyone ever feel like it's unfair piling this on the OP, even if you disagree with them?

 

If you have a strong opinion that the OP is wrong, do you wish to contribute so the OP gets a clear picture that they should rethink their position?

 

If you've posted something and 20+ posters disagreed, do you rethink your position?

 

This is not in reference to any particular post or poster.

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My guess is that they don't read all the responses before they post so they aren't aware of all the other posts already posted with the same view.

 

 

This is my theory, and sometimes they even say so. Other times it might be a "you are a serious minority and should know it" but unless it's a very minor issue people doing it to a post of mine wouldn't change my mind.

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I do think it's unfair and unkind. It seems like there is something in our human nature that likes to come down on other people. When we see others who agree with our POV, it's even more tempting to jump in and say "YEAH." It's immature, but it happens a lot. The bike thread is a perfect example. Does the OP really need to hear it restated a hundred times "darn tootin' your dh should pay!"?

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Some people do not have the time to read every single response before they offer their opinion on the subject.

So, if the OP asks "would you..." or "what would you...", they respond to this very question and tell the OP what THEY would.

If somebody posts a question like this, I assume the person wants to hear from as many people as possible, and I would offer my answer -irrespective of whether other people have written the same thing or the opposite.

If the original poster does not want dissenting opinions and is offended by them, she should include a JAWM in her title.

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Depends on the issue, I think. Sometimes people just respond to a thread without bothering to read 4 prior pages of stuff. Sometimes people REALLY want to impress on someone that what they're considering is potentially going to hurt themselves or someone else in some way, particularly if the OP doesn't seem to 'get it'. Sometimes it reminds people of something they've gone through IRL and their internal dialogue is going "That sound JUST like something my mother in law would say, oh the things I wish I could say to HER", etc. Sometimes people just like the feeling of power or unity that comes with being part of a mob. I would think the reasons vary greatly depending on the topic, person, and a small army of other factors.

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Years ago I posted a question about my dog barking at night and whether my neighbors had a right to be upset about it. I got many responses, all telling me that I should not be letting him bark outside at night. Believe it or not, I didn't know that -- I thought that's what was to be expected from dogs. (OK, I'm a little dense, but I learn eventually.)

 

It was the sheer number of responses that cemented the issue for me. They all said the same thing but in different ways, with different stories.

 

If only one person had answered my post, I might have thought, "Oh, that's just one person's opinion." When 30 or more people tell you something, you have to pay attention.

 

In the bike thread, the OP just didn't want to hear what people were trying to say. She had made her mind up before she ever posted. She should have labeled her post "Let me tell you about my greedy SIL and you can all agree that she's out of her mind." It would have saved us all hours of frustration.

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1) If you post a "what would you do" on a board like this, you are doing it to solicit as many answers as you can get. If only one person posted because everyone else agreed, the OP would feel like her post must have been lame.

 

2) Not everyone reads all the responses before responding to the OP's request for opinions. Especially if there were pages of comments before you even saw the thread.

 

3) If you're talking about the bike thread, the replies were not all the same, there was some internal discussion, and the OP was arguing with the posters. When the OP argues with the posters, the posters are going to respond.

 

4) The poster added additional information more than once, which naturally fueled additional discussion.

 

5) In a case like the bike thread, the OP would have stopped getting negative comments from new people if she'd posted her "additional information" in her first post. So my question is, why don't more people do that? When you realize you have been misunderstood, doesn't it make sense to edit your post so you can be understood?

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In the bike thread, the OP just didn't want to hear what people were trying to say. She had made her mind up before she ever posted. She should have labeled her post "Let me tell you about my greedy SIL and you can all agree that she's out of her mind." It would have saved us all hours of frustration.

 

This. I don't understand why posters ask for opinions then get defensive when they don't hear what they wanted to hear. It's easy enough to put JAWM or Need to Vent in a title.

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Honestly, I don't know. The hostility of the group of people who use this board has increased significantly since I first joined. It's like people need to put another down. Most people do not list every single detail in their posts. I don't know why in the interest of civility one cannot state that their response is based on assuming certain details about the facts which may be incorrect and let the OP come back and clarify. AND once the OP does clarify let it go.

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I don't think the board is hostile at all. I guess I wasn't aware that people wanted me to just agree with them when they asked what I thought about something. It's rare for a person to say "your nuts" or "you suck". They say "no I don't think that's the way to go, or I'd do it differently, or here is how I see it".

 

 

Some people are way more insistent than your wording and some people have used nasty words. There have been no nasty words/name calling today, but there has been on a few threads over the last couple of months. I started noticing the general tone being negative last fall.

 

Some people are even nasty on threads labeled JAWM when no opinion need be given.

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Some people are way more insistent than your wording and some people have used nasty words. There have been no nasty words/name calling today, but there has been on a few threads over the last couple of months. I started noticing the general tone being negative last fall.

 

Some people are even nasty on threads labeled JAWM when no opinion need be given.

 

Well, nasty words and tags are against board rules and need to be reported. I've been on these boards for a very long time and I haven't noticed any turn in tone. In fact, I think the boards are more welcoming than ever. What I have noticed are newbies coming here, asking for opinions and then getting all hot and bothered when they didn't get the response they expected. We are a diverse group (a characteristic I love) who have strong opinions, but we treat each other with mutual respect ... most of the time.

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I don't actually see where anyone criticized the OP on the bike thread. She wasn't even the driver. Everyone seemed to understand that the incident was an accident that could happen to almost anyone. People just answered her very direct question - "do you pay for it?" Later a couple people said it was odd that she added some pretty important details late in the game.

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Now that we have the "like" button even those of us not typically inclined to be the 32nd person to say the same thing can be the 32nd person to agree with the first person who said what we would say if we could be bothered saying it .. again.

 

And sometimes we do both - hit the like button and quote someone to say :iagree:

 

:lol:

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Doesn't this qualify as a "talking about the boards" thread? I've never understood how that works...

 

 

I thought this was more of a spin-off thread. Talking about the boards is starting threads like "I hate the new Classifieds/the color theme/Petition to Change the name of the "gifted" board to something else" in my understanding.

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Guest submarines

Years ago I posted a question about my dog barking at night and whether my neighbors had a right to be upset about it. I got many responses, all telling me that I should not be letting him bark outside at night. Believe it or not, I didn't know that -- I thought that's what was to be expected from dogs. (OK, I'm a little dense, but I learn eventually.)

 

It was the sheer number of responses that cemented the issue for me. They all said the same thing but in different ways, with different stories.

 

If only one person had answered my post, I might have thought, "Oh, that's just one person's opinion." When 30 or more people tell you something, you have to pay attention.

 

In the bike thread, the OP just didn't want to hear what people were trying to say. She had made her mind up before she ever posted. She should have labeled her post "Let me tell you about my greedy SIL and you can all agree that she's out of her mind." It would have saved us all hours of frustration.

 

If I strongly disagree with an OP on an issue that is important to me, I'd add my disagreeing reply thinking that the volume of responses might make the OP think about the issue more.

 

I don't think it is mean or unkind.

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It's the internet. Dog piles are some people's idea of fun. :blink:

 

 

Maybe for some, but I don't think that is the case 90% of the time.

 

My guess is that they don't read all the responses before they post so they aren't aware of all the other posts already posted with the same view.

 

I think this is likely the 90%. I prefer to go on the OP's statement/question, not what other may have extrapolated from it. What I really find annoying is....

 

4) The poster added additional information more than once, which naturally fueled additional discussion.

 

 

This is annoying AND disingenuous. If you really want opinions, put the info out there and stand by it. Don't backpeddle a half dozen times trying to justify your story (which is likely just a ploy for sympathy by that point). If you want people to just fawn over you, then put JAWM in your post, or simply state your story as "I'm ticked because some idiot did this to me...."

 

When you post passive-aggressive crap, or pandering crap or sympathy-ploy crap and people see right through your crap, don't go all whiney about it. Go buy some big girl panties, or quit the crap.

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Some people do not have the time to read every single response before they offer their opinion on the subject.

So, if the OP asks "would you..." or "what would you...", they respond to this very question and tell the OP what THEY would.

If somebody posts a question like this, I assume the person wants to hear from as many people as possible, and I would offer my answer -irrespective of whether other people have written the same thing or the opposite.

If the original poster does not want dissenting opinions and is offended by them, she should include a JAWM in her title.

 

 

I tend to agree. If only one person of one view and one person of another answered the question, then how would you know what was the prevailing feeling on it? Isn't the whole point of those types of posts to figure out what other people think? And to figure out what the prevailing opinion is? Even if you are not going to change your mind?

 

I also agree with those posters who pointed out that *plenty* of people only read the OP and not every page of responses.

 

I rarely think it has anything to with unkindness.

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I thought this was more of a spin-off thread. Talking about the boards is starting threads like "I hate the new Classifieds/the color theme/Petition to Change the name of the "gifted" board to something else" in my understanding.

 

 

Disagree. Most of the threads that have been deleted for "talking about the boards" were addressing board drama, not formatting.

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I agree with Mrs. mungo about looking for the prevailing opinion. I asked for advice a while ago and everyone helped me see that I was being way too nice with the other party, and they helped me deal with it. Sometimes it's hard to see past the end of your own nose.

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Sometimes threads "hit a nerve" and provoke a large number of responses, but who has time to read through a mega-thread? (Kilt threads being the exception. :drool5: ) I don't usually post in the longer threads because someone else usually has already posted what I'd have said. This is a fairly large, active board so the potential for getting a long list of replies is pretty good. I realize that people use the internet for different reasons, but I've never understood why people ask for opinions and get bent out of shape when they receive same. :confused1: When I ask for opinions, I'm hoping to hear from people who look at things differently; I can do a pretty good job of talking to myself if necessary. BTW, This is a great place to get help. In 2004, I had a hard deadline to submit an ad for a write-in candidate and needed a free clip art pencil and got several replies within minutes.

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I know this is stating what someone else said, but I don't always read the responses when the OP asks a direct question. My answer isn't dependent on another poster's answer. People do respond to one another within a thread and a discussion begins. Once it begins, the OP can't really stop it unless they ask for the thread to be deleted. One thing I've learned about message boards is that when you put something out there, anyone can respond. As someone else said, if you don't want varying opinions, don't ask for them.

 

Maybe I should have liked all the messages that said the same thing? Then I'm not part of the discussion. That bums me out. :)

 

And this thread will probably get lots of responses too because a direct question was asked.

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It has nothing to do with dog piling and simply is a matter of others wanting to contribute to a discussion. Even if they are the 751st to disagree with someone why should their input be discounted just because they weren't the first to post?

 

Add in what others have said about replying before reading all responses (I often reply first to avoid coloring my post with thoughts about other posts), then go back and read and reply to individual posts.

 

If you don't want to hear differing opinions make it a JAWM post or even better don't post at all. If the only response you care about it your own and perhaps your friend on the group, om them or go talk to yourself in the mirror. If you post on a message board be prepared for opinions you don't like, be prepared to learn that you are the minority in a particular thought. Learn to suck it up and move on perhaps reevaluating your thoughts on something.

 

There has been a change in the atmosphere of teh board, it is primarily due to the large influx of newbies that post something and then cry wolf when it doesn't go their way. I am also getting very frustrated seeing people boo hooing that everyone is insulting them or hurting their feelings, or being mean because they didn't agree with them. GIve me a break. Critism is not the same as insulting or being mean. Yes sometimes there is insulting happening and the mods deal with it once reported. But simply having a difference of opinion is not the same thing. Is this the result of all this nonsense about worrying about children's self esteem all the time? No one can keep score in a sport because then someone will know they lost and it would hurt their self esteem. Little suzy can't do the school work but let's promote her because it will hurt her self esteem. DOn't say no to little billy because it will hurt his self esteem. Want to know what happened when you raise kids that way? They grow up with the attitude that no one should ever disagree with them or ruffle their feathers because it hurts their self esteem too much. Boo hoo.

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I very seldom read what other people have posted. If the OP's question was thought-provoking, I might post a response. I post to the OP, rather than 'entering a discussion'. IMO it's usually when people start reading other responses and responding to those instead of the OP that things get ugly around here.

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I tend to agree. If only one person of one view and one person of another answered the question, then how would you know what was the prevailing feeling on it?

 

 

I know I know - op could have done a poll. yes or no. =D it would save pages and pages of people making comments the op doesn't want to hear, but still get an overwhelming answer one way or the other.

 

it can also get boring because no one is calling for cupcakes. we have such an awsome board.

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2) Not everyone reads all the responses before responding to the OP's request for opinions. Especially if there were pages of comments before you even saw the thread.

 

 

 

4) The poster added additional information more than once, which naturally fueled additional discussion.

 

 

 

 

I do see your point about posters not reading everyone's posts before them.

 

I often see the OPs adding additional information later on. I do think it is sometimes hard to write a complete picture of the situation you are trying to describe. OPs are perhaps distracted by younger children or maybe typing between homeschooling subjects. Yes, sometimes people appear they are trying to manipulate a more favorable response. But, really, typing a really solid OP when you have a complex situation going on can be tough.

 

I just think we need to give people a break.

 

Again, this thread is not specifically directed at any poster or any particular thread.

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Putting JAWM in the title and the OP doesn't always keep folks from telling the OP why she's totally, 100% wrong, but hopefully most of us have thick enough skins to deal with it.

 

I love y'all even if you are all wrong about the safety of allowing kids to ride in the cart part of shopping carts or the rudeness of climbing up the slide :tongue_smilie:

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I know I know - op could have done a poll. yes or no. =D it would save pages and pages of people making comments the op doesn't want to hear, but still get an overwhelming answer one way or the other.

 

it can also get boring because no one is calling for cupcakes. we have such an awsome board.

 

Sorry, I don't know how to start a poll or what JAWM means. And not really sure why I kept posting or cared about what strangers on the internet care about my situation. I'm hormonal and lonely. What can I say.

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Sorry, I don't know how to start a poll or what JAWM means. And not really sure why I kept posting or cared about what strangers on the internet care about my situation. I'm hormonal and lonely. What can I say.

I'm sorry. You can PM me if you want to talk. Or if you don't mind public discussion, start a thread. We will keep you company.

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Some people do not have the time to read every single response before they offer their opinion on the subject.

So, if the OP asks "would you..." or "what would you...", they respond to this very question and tell the OP what THEY would.

If somebody posts a question like this, I assume the person wants to hear from as many people as possible, and I would offer my answer -irrespective of whether other people have written the same thing or the opposite.

 

Good point.

 

If the original poster does not want dissenting opinions and is offended by them, she should include a JAWM in her title.

 

JAWM is not always a guarantee.

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Some people are way more insistent than your wording and some people have used nasty words. There have been no nasty words/name calling today, but there has been on a few threads over the last couple of months. I started noticing the general tone being negative last fall.

 

Some people are even nasty on threads labeled JAWM when no opinion need be given.

 

Yup. I've seen it.

 

ETA: Maybe not out and out nasty, but definite tone or sarcasm in the post. But, as I'm reading this thread, I'm also thinking, there are quite a few people recently that have said they have (or had) no idea what JAWM means. Add that to the new posters mentioned and that could be part of the JAWM problem--why a poster didn't use it, and why people would respond and disagree!

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I like the "JAWM" label, when it is used wittingly. (I admit that for a long time I had no idea what the acronym meant. I thought people were going to be writing about jaw pain of some type.) Sometimes there are threads -- (Yes, I am thinking of a specific thread) -- the opening post of which really should have borne the "JAWM" label. The OP will solicit unvarnished feedback, receive a lot of well-thought-out replies . . . then drop clues that her mind was irrevocably made up in the first place, and no advice was going to make any difference.

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