When do you consider a child's interest in going to public school?

[Halcyon]

Let's say you had a child who had 90% public school friends. On his sports team, in other recreational pursuits.....and he expressed interest in going. You query him as to why, and finally he admits that he doesn't like feeling "different" from all his friends. You've already explained to him about public school homework, lack of tailoring to the student, getting up early. But he still talks about it occasionally and you feel badly because he really likes being "one of the gang" and (you believe) feels a bit left out when the other kids are commiserating.

 

Ignore it?

[AimeeM]

We've given our 11 year old daughter the option (not of public school, but we gave her the option of going back to Catholic school).

I know my opinion on this isn't incredibly popular, but I do think that children should have some say in their education, if we ever want them to sincerely *own* their education, kwim?

On that note, I'm not giving an age that you should consider it. When our daughter reached a point in her maturity that we felt she could think this through logically, we gave her the go ahead. FWIW, while she did think about it and does miss school, she asked if she could stay home through middle school.

[Dana]

I'd say it depends on why you're homeschooling.

 

I was ready to send my son to public school a couple of times, but his severe allergies made it a bit too much to actually do.

 

He now attends speech at a public school & just walking through the school once a week has been enough where he really thanks me for keeping him out :)

 

If you are willing to consider it, you could check with the school and see if he could shadow a student for a day. He might find that it's very different than what he has in his mind... or he might like it a lot, so I wouldn't do this unless you're okay with his decision.

 

Again... all comes down to why you're homeschooling, IMO.

[Random]

I think it depends on why you're homeschooling and the age of the child.

 

I don't think I'd ignore the child's desire to attend ps, but I'd not let him make the decision.

 

The way things are now, he has the best of both worlds, I think. He gets to have a fabulous education and still be 'one of the gang' on his own terms while playing sports. If the kids are commiserating, then he's not missing out on something good.

 

I love the idea of shadowing a student. I've suggested this to my oldest son, who is the most interested in attending public school.

 

FWIW, my son (10) was pining for public school last year, and he said he wouldn't mind all the homework, long days, etc. But, soon after we took steps to enroll him, he talked with a child who told him what the days were really like. And, it wasn't the rosy picture my son envisioned. There were three hours (more than we expected!!) of homework each night, typically including 50 math problems. Even if you already understood the concept, you still had to do the 50 problems. There were endless hours sitting at a desk. And so on, and so on. I was so, so, so thankful that my son asked this other child and that what the child told my son was not appealing to him.

 

It's hard being different. And, my sons get lonely, too. I hope you are able to come to an agreement that you are both happy with.

[speedmom4]

I would listen and seriously consider the wishes of the child. The age of the child would also matter. I feel that a teenager should have some decision making power over his/her education. Ultimately the choice would be mine but my kids' opinions matter.

 

Good luck!

 

Elise in NC

[Halcyon]

Thanks all. My son does realize all the downsides, and abhors the idea of homework LOL. But I think this is more just a plea, that he somehow wants to be even MORE involved. He mentioned something about how one of his friends is having a sleep over and how he isn't invited because he just isn't around them as much. I suggested he have a sleepover at OUR house and invite whomever he liked. He really liked that idea. I think I just have to listen to exactly what it is he feels he is missing--sleepovers, the ability to "moan together" about a bad teacher...i mean, yes, he knows that they're COMPLAINING but he feels left out, kwim?

 

ETA: He just asked me if he would ever be allowed to have a cell phone. When I asked why he said "all my friends have cell phones." So maybe that's the real issue? LOL. I told him if the reason he wanted to go to public school was to get a cell phone, we might be able to accommodate him. :laugh:

[Upward Journey]

When do you consider a child's interest in going to public school?

 

When you realize that maybe it might be the best thing for that child. If you think they might actually be happier schooling with other kids, rather than at home. We have one in B&M school. She has complained somewhat that most of her classes aren't challenging enough, but, emotionally she's so much happier that the trade-off has been worth it.

[Anne in CA]

I am considering allowing dd to attend the same high school that was DISASTROUS for her older sister, for the same reasons. She really wants to be like the other kids and be included. I will meet with the guidance counselor soon and discuss options. What is not an option is the same English and algebra programs that older dd had that were soooo bad. I will allow my dd to attend public high school if they will accept credits from TPS for math and English. They should accept the credits, but we will see if they will. If they do not, dd will do theater things, two classes a semester, but they will not get funding from the state for only two classes. We will see if they see reason.

[swellmomma]

My kids have a say in going to ps or not when it is time to make plans for high school. My oldest 2 each went through a phase for a couple years asking to go, I told them high school would be the soonest. Since then they have determined they will never return to ps. Now I don't know if that is because we are in a different school district now or what, but they see what their friends are doing in school and say they don't want to waste their time with that stuff. Or they hear of teh stupid stuff in schools, the non-academic parts and again don't want a part of that,

[Pawz4me]

Our kids have always had a say in their schooling, even when we pulled them out to homeschool and the youngest was only going into second grade. When oldest was in eighth grade and decided he wanted to return to public school for high school, we allowed him to make that decision. FWIW, he had what in our opinion were valid reasons.

[DawnM]

I love homeschooling, but it isn't for every parent just like it isn't for every child.

 

If my child were offered opportunities they strongly desired (like sports or ROTC or things not offered for HSers) I would strongly consider allowing him/her to attend school.

 

So far, we haven't had that happen, but we are open to it.

 

Dawn

[Zebra]

My child cannot go to public school, we cannot afford private school. So, there are no options here. If public/private school was an option for us, around age 10 I would start to consider dc's opinion. I happen to think middle school is the worst time to be in school, so I would have to be pretty compelled to agree to it. But, for high school, I would definitely let my kid make the decision.

 

You really have to examine why you are homeschooling. I don't believe everyone should homeschool all the time. I believe in my situation it's the only option, and that's why we do it.

[Donna]

We considered the reason the boys wanted to go to public school (sports) and factored that into our decision to send them. They were 8th and 7th grade at the time. I wanted them to acclimate to the school environment before starting high school.

[Mommy22alyns]

For us personally, I'd consider it for high school. Not middle school, that's for sure. But other people have other needs. If the kid is absolutely miserable, then I would give it more consideration, but like you were saying, Halcyon, you might just have to listen closely and meet his needs in other ways (sleep overs, cell phone, etc.).

 

FWIW, I asked to go to public school when I was in 5th grade (previously in a Catholic school after being in PS for K-2). My parents let me, but I had to stay the whole year. Well, I wish they hadn't let me. I went back to Catholic school and was completely out of the loop. People had made other friends and it was just hard.

[Crimson Wife]

i would only do it if I either had to in order to resume FT employment or if the particular school offered a program I am unable to provide at home and the pros of attending outweighed the cons. Sulky middle school kid feeling "different" would not be good enough reason. Middle school kids will find reasons to feel "different" and sulk no matter what schooling option they are in.

[mama27]

Let's say you had a child who had 90% public school friends. On his sports team, in other recreational pursuits.....and he expressed interest in going. You query him as to why, and finally he admits that he doesn't like feeling "different" from all his friends. You've already explained to him about public school homework, lack of tailoring to the student, getting up early. But he still talks about it occasionally and you feel badly because he really likes being "one of the gang" and (you believe) feels a bit left out when the other kids are commiserating.

 

Ignore it?

 

 

Sorry, I'd ignore it even MORE because he did want to fit in. Red flag for me!

[mama27]

Thanks all. My son does realize all the downsides, and abhors the idea of homework LOL. But I think this is more just a plea, that he somehow wants to be even MORE involved. He mentioned something about how one of his friends is having a sleep over and how he isn't invited because he just isn't around them as much. I suggested he have a sleepover at OUR house and invite whomever he liked. He really liked that idea. I think I just have to listen to exactly what it is he feels he is missing--sleepovers, the ability to "moan together" about a bad teacher...i mean, yes, he knows that they're COMPLAINING but he feels left out, kwim?

 

ETA: He just asked me if he would ever be allowed to have a cell phone. When I asked why he said "all my friends have cell phones." So maybe that's the real issue? LOL. I told him if the reason he wanted to go to public school was to get a cell phone, we might be able to accommodate him. :laugh:

 

Well, they can't have the cell phone during school hours! lol

I would have pointed out that going to ps does not automatically guarentee he will be invited to "all" the sleepovers, all the parties, etc.

IMO, when they hit puberty it's the WORST time to have more peer influence than parental. Especially teenagers! Their brains fall out when they are teenagers!

[Tarreymere]

I have to say no. I had two now adult children who clamored to go to public school. We finally agreed and one was started in eighth grade and one started in ninth. The older one was interested in writing classes and theater while the younger one was interested in sports and cheerleading. To make a long story short, the eldest ended up so severely bullied that she was very traumatized for several years and needed counseling, ect. The younger girl became a bully, was arrested for felony witness intimidation, made friends with the druggies and criminal element at the school and was arrested multiple times for shoplifting, ect and began running away. At 16 she was the object of a sheriff's manhunt after escaping from custody at the courthouse and later that year was extradited back home from a state several hundred miles away. At 18 she was convicted of running a heroin ring. I realize these are drastic outcomes and not all kids take to that sort of thing like a duck to water, but although we had pulled the girls out after just those two years in ps, the train had left the station as far as my daughter's lives were concerned. I'm not saying that my younger girl would not have become a criminal, but if she hadn't had the exposure to those other kids she wouldn't have had the ideas and opportunities that she did to develop her sociopathic tendencies. Tendencies we weren't aware of before we sent her. And we live in a mostly rural/very small town type area. I can't imagine what that kid might have gotten into if we lived in a more urban area. So, I guess I'm not a fan of public education in that it brings together a very diverse group of kids and while that may be nice to learn about things like cultural difference and tolerance, it can also provide your child with an introduction to much more negative things as well. You don't know how susceptible your own kids will be until they are in that situation.

[Karen in CO]

I homeschool when it is in the best interest of my kids. I also put them in school when it is in their best interests. My kids always get a voice in their education.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

i would only do it if I either had to in order to resume FT employment or if the particular school offered a program I am unable to provide at home and the pros of attending outweighed the cons. Sulky middle school kid feeling "different" would not be good enough reason. Middle school kids will find reasons to feel "different" and sulk no matter what schooling option they are in.

I agree. We did place ds into a school this year due to the phenomenal opportunity it presented us in regards to academic opportunities(and I really mean phenomenal). However, if that were to change, I would not hesitate to homeschool him again. My parents made me go to a prep school against my wishes and it turned out to be the right thing ( the only better thing would have been homeschooling). I was not too happy about it at the time but I did learn to love the academics. I also think it should ultimately be up to the parents.

[Karen in CO]

I think there are a few obvious factors here.

 

Kids this age always feel different.

Why you homeschool is a huge factor in answering this questions.

The quality of the school where his friends go is a factor.

The types of school available for your child in addition to the school where all of his friends go is also a factor.

This age is HARD. It will be hard no matter where your ds is getting his education. Even bright kids go through puberty.

 

 

I sent my ds back to public school with his friends then brought him home when he and I decided it was in his best interests.

My dd12 is attending a fabulous school that is perfect for her (for now). It provides the best choice of education for her for now, but we still constantly evaluate if it is the best place for her.

[Chrysalis Academy]

Wise, wise women here. I don't really have anything original to add.

 

Yes, kids should have a voice in their education. But it sounds like maybe this isn't actually about his education, so much?

It would take something extraordinary for me to consider sending a kid to ps for middle school. Elementary? ok. High school? ok. But not middle school.

10 is a hard age - even for kids who hae been easy, easy, easy up to this point. (Ask me how I know?)

Wanting things because everyone else has them/does them would not be a reason for me to give those things - instead, it would trigger a lot of discussions about choices, peer pressure, etc.

He has an idea of what school is like, but the reality will not match that idea.

He *will not* be intellectually challenged and stimulated in ps the way you are doing now.

 

Sometimes kids want things they can't have. Either because it isn't possible, or because that thing wouldn't be good for them. It isn't our job to give them everything they want. It is our job to listen to them, to make them feel heard and understood and supported. But it's also our job to help them accept the reality that their desires (whims?) don't control the world.

[msrift]

Thanks all. My son does realize all the downsides, and abhors the idea of homework LOL. But I think this is more just a plea, that he somehow wants to be even MORE involved. He mentioned something about how one of his friends is having a sleep over and how he isn't invited because he just isn't around them as much. I suggested he have a sleepover at OUR house and invite whomever he liked. He really liked that idea. I think I just have to listen to exactly what it is he feels he is missing--sleepovers, the ability to "moan together" about a bad teacher...i mean, yes, he knows that they're COMPLAINING but he feels left out, kwim?

 

ETA: He just asked me if he would ever be allowed to have a cell phone. When I asked why he said "all my friends have cell phones." So maybe that's the real issue? LOL. I told him if the reason he wanted to go to public school was to get a cell phone, we might be able to accommodate him. :laugh:

 

My son feels the same way and is the same age. The parent of high school age homeschoolers in my area strongly encouraged me to get him a cell phone. That is the main way teens and tweens communicate and kids will be left out of the loop without one. Not what I wanted to hear, but it does reflect reality.

[Trilliums]

I wouldn't ignore it, but I wouldn't necessarily put him right into school. I would try to make more connections with homeschoolers. Sounds as though a larger group of hs friends might meet his needs just as well as going to school.

 

My boys started getting interested in ps at high school and are there full time this year. This has been a great decision for them. When they were younger, I would have had more reservations about public school. I fully believe in the option best for each individual family though. There is not one single right choice.

[Terabith]

My oldest is nine, currently in third grade, and we've decided that she needs to go to school for fourth grade. She has been interested in school, but was not begging, but we are having a difficult time teaching her acceptable behavior in regards to school. She gets frustrated and angry about being asked to do school, so she whines, cries, throws her pencil, etc. She's too old to be throwing fits, and neither rewards nor consequences have been very successful. So the plan is to send her to Catholic school next year. The curriculum is nothing special, but it's "good enough," and I love the religious and values emphasis. It's small and nurturing, and has a number of students and teachers who used to homeschool/ be homeschooled. She is socially motivated, and I think in many ways she will be motivated to compete with and live up to what other kids are doing academically. (She is currently a bit above grade level, but she's not highly accelerated or anything. She could be doing much better, especially in writing.) I think school will either make her realize how good she's got it in homeschooling, or at least will teach her proper classroom behavior. She's much less likely to cry and throw her pencil in front of her peers/ in a non-home situation, if that makes any sense. At least, I hope so. It's a decision we've made for her, but she gave her input.

 

I think in general a child should have some say in the decision, especially as they approach the teen years. It makes sense to consider the child, the school situation they would be entering, opportunities that might exist in school (science labs, sports, music opportunities, etc), as well as how it will impact the family.

[gingersmom]

I think it is a very individual decision.

 

Not all public/private schools are filled with evil students/teachers (though I have had my experience with several).

 

My daughter did public, private and homeschool. She went back to a different private school for high school and is thriving. She has so many opportunities she would never have had if she was at home. I don't regret it for a minute.

 

Her brother (7th grade) now wants to go to the same school for high school so that is what we are working towards (he has been home schooled since 2nd grade)

[Amethyst]

Thanks all. My son does realize all the downsides, and abhors the idea of homework LOL. But I think this is more just a plea, that he somehow wants to be even MORE involved. He mentioned something about how one of his friends is having a sleep over and how he isn't invited because he just isn't around them as much. I suggested he have a sleepover at OUR house and invite whomever he liked. He really liked that idea. I think I just have to listen to exactly what it is he feels he is missing--sleepovers, the ability to "moan together" about a bad teacher...i mean, yes, he knows that they're COMPLAINING but he feels left out, kwim?

 

ETA: He just asked me if he would ever be allowed to have a cell phone. When I asked why he said "all my friends have cell phones." So maybe that's the real issue? LOL. I told him if the reason he wanted to go to public school was to get a cell phone, we might be able to accommodate him. :laugh:

 

I agree with others that it will depend on the child and there is no exact right age. But all of the things he is expressing here are very legitimate concerns in the life of a child, in my experience. When we lived places where we had strong homeschooling supports and my kids had lots of friends, it was no big deal. But when we moved and friends were harder to come by, the public school has worked for us (with mixed results).

 

Last year, my youngest tried taking only "specials" at the middle school. She soon realized that she would never quite fit in unless she was there full-time, so in October she went full-time. She decided that it wasn't worth it so she went back to "specials only". But this year she was determined to go full-time starting at the beginning of the school year. Of course she hates the homework - everyone does. But she feels much more connected. She keeps telling her older sister (who only does part-time) that she should go full-time. Older sister often complains about not fitting in because she's not full-time even though she has plenty of friends, it's not quite the same. This would be the same as your son's position - he has friends, but because he's not in the trenches with them, he's not fully a member of their inner circle. It's just a reality.

[Tracy]

It would depend on which of my children were asking and what school district they would be going to. It would be a big, fat "no" to my older, who is 2e. My younger would likely fair better, but it would have to be in another school district.

[ebunny]

Let's say you had a child who had 90% public school friends. On his sports team, in other recreational pursuits.....and he expressed interest in going. You query him as to why, and finally he admits that he doesn't like feeling "different" from all his friends. You've already explained to him about public school homework, lack of tailoring to the student, getting up early. But he still talks about it occasionally and you feel badly because he really likes being "one of the gang" and (you believe) feels a bit left out when the other kids are commiserating.

 

Ignore it?

 

I didn't ignore it. My DD7 headed back to school a month ago for the very same reasons your son mentions. To 'feel a part of the gang'. IMO, it is a valid reason to put them back into B/M school and furthermore, I did not want to homeschool a reluctant-to-homeschool child.

 

Her academic needs are not accommodated at all (she is accelerated), but, her overwhelming need to 'be a part of a group' has been satisfied. She is doing very well socially and greatly enjoys school, particularly the group activities part, which she missed at home.

 

We may homeschool her again in the future. That door is always open. For now, she is happy at school,( although I have some misgivings) and that is all that matters.

 

ETA: the quality of schools in India is relatively good. I don't know much about the middle school scenario in the U.S., which will be a huge factor in decision making.

[Katie Jean]

 

the ability to "moan together" about a bad teacher...i mean, yes, he knows that they're COMPLAINING but he feels left out, kwim?

 

 

I totally know what you mean here! Once I was driving a group of kids somewhere and several of them were yammering on and on about certain activities at school and this teacher and that teacher and how awful they were, and I noticed my own kids were being so incredibly quiet-like they had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation and I could tell they felt so left out. One of the kids even said "Haha you can't talk about YOUR teacher because she's your MOM heeehaahahoho" I felt really sad for my kids but I somehow tactfully derailed the train and got them going on something else to discuss.

 

It definitely can make one feel like a social weirdo!

 

As far as your OP, my kids have brought up their occasional desire to go to regular school. One, because she desolately wanted to ride the bus! I kindly informed her of she went to ps she would not be riding the bus and having to be out at the bus stop at 7:15 am! (Our town bussed kids to another town for that grade) That idea alone tempered her little want.

 

My older kids have expressed the ideas more so. With them, I have deep talks about why we homeschool. I work very hard to fill the voids they may be feeling. People can tout all they want that homeschooled kids don't had social problems, and I can attest that indeed mine do not and or that I am grateful. But I certainly attribute it to hard work and being aware of their needs. I imagine there are plenty of hs kids with social deprivation.

 

Recently, my dd14 really pushed about feeling isolated and in her terms, "like a fish in a fish bowl". It bothered me badly and after much prayer and thoughtfulness we compromised with her and enrolled her in a public homeschool charter that has some site based classes. She was thrilled for the first quarter. But then she began to get bogged down with the work load as with such school one may not deviate from the lesson plans set forth. She was doing school 7-8 hours a day even on wknds. She is an hard worker, an over-acheiver, and yet still was reduced to tears over the work load. It was nuts! Coincidentally, I pulled her out today. She is so relieved and I haven't heard one peep about wanting to go to PS. *whew*

 

I agree that it's important for a child to feel hey have some choice/control in some matters. I carefully explain to my kids where there's some wiggle room for them and where there is not. They generally accept that and we've been good with other homeschool groups, co-ops, sports, church, family trips, and so forth.

 

I think it's wise to listen to a child and help them see the whole picture; and if it comes down to it, provide some sort of compromise that will help them cope.

 

:)

[Wabi Sabi]

I'll be the odd woman out, but have you considered putting him in school now? I was just talking about this to some homeschooling mom friends a few days ago: if my ds wanted to try school now would be the ideal time, IMO. Start right after spring break and then he'd have a good 8-10 weeks as a trial period just to see how he likes it. Then it'll be summer and you'll be able to decide which way you're going to proceed for the next year and start planning accordingly. I would personally prefer this time of year as opposed to waiting until August because there's a natural stopping point when the school year ends.

[briansmama]

Let's say you had a child who had 90% public school friends. On his sports team, in other recreational pursuits.....and he expressed interest in going. You query him as to why, and finally he admits that he doesn't like feeling "different" from all his friends. You've already explained to him about public school homework, lack of tailoring to the student, getting up early. But he still talks about it occasionally and you feel badly because he really likes being "one of the gang" and (you believe) feels a bit left out when the other kids are commiserating.

 

Ignore it?

 

This is exactly what we have gone through this year! As soon as the season starts for flag football or little league, my ds starts talking about going to the local public school. One thing ds told us that really bothers him is that the coach usually asks all the kids which grade they are in and where they go to school the first day of practice and my ds is the only one who answers "homeschool." It really bothers him to be the "different" child. All of ds neighborhood friends go to the same local ps as well. He has a few homeschool friends but usually only sees them in organized homeschool classes and isn't interested in getting together outside of those classes.

Dh fully supports homeschooling but he feels bad for ds. We've had a lot of talks about this and the one thing we keep going back to is that we can't sacrifice his education so he can see his neighborhood and sports friends at lunch and recess everyday.

We've told our ds that if we were to put him in school it would be the private school in town that offers a solid academic individualized program. Unfortunately, this school is very expensive and very small- only 15 kids or so per grade. So, we've explained that our family would have to make a lot of sacrifices to send him there, and the environment wouldn't be that different from homeschooling in that classes would be small.

Basically, we've let him know that the local public school is not an option.

Another thing we did is promote his current lifestyle more- he's really into an individual sport and wants to do it every single day. D and I have decided to work harder to give him more weekday time for this sport- we now try to make it happen for him after lessons are done by noon, when kids are still in school. We regularly point out that this flexibility is a huge benefit of homeschooling. Dh works for himself so he takes off work a half day each week to go with ds too.

Now my ds tells us that he doesn't want to go to school at all, when there were tears only a few months ago about homeschooling.

[wapiti]

.

Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[m0mmaBuck]

First, a little background. All of my kids' friends are in PS or private school. All. Of. Them. DS11 was in PS from kindergarten until midway through 2nd grade. He occasionally expresses an interest in returning to PS for social reasons. DD6 has never been in PS but regularly asks when she gets to go to "real school."

 

Re: DD, I will not let her go to the same elementary school that DS attended for academic reasons. The one elementary school I would let her go to always has a waiting list of kids wanting to transfer in from other local schools. I would be willing to look into this more seriously if DS was also expressing an interest in attending PS or if she were a little older (4-5th grade).

 

Likewise, if DS decides he wants to go to PS, I need to research the local middle schools that feed the high school that we are not zoned to attend because he won't be attending the middle school and high school that DSS attended for social and safety reasons. Of course, this means neither child would be attending school with friends from the neighborhood.

 

I really hope to homeschool both at least up to high school.

[Nscribe]

It is so different for us. Most of the kids Dd runs into from school at her activities say they wish they could homeschool. The ones who don't often split into two camps. Camp 1: I love school because I love being around people all day or Camp 2: I am parroting comments I have heard my parents say about homeschooling. Yeah, generalizing a bit, but at the same time true enough.

 

We have some schools in the area that would be options. If Dd really wanted to go to school, I would listen and it would be part of the decision making because it would impact how effective we could be. If we had nothing but crummy options, I would not consider it.

 

All that said, Dd did go to school for much of elementary. She has something to compare it all too and doesn't feel she is missing anything. Now that she is in high school, many of her homeschool friends are drifting into the schools for various reasons. I ask her and she can spell out what the positives might be, but for her they don't outweigh the positives she sees in homeschooling.

 

Kids are very busy generally these days. Dd has observed that what many of her schooled friends consider a social life during the school day is not what she wants and that by the time they do homework and any sort of extra they don't have much time. If she were lonely, I can see where she might feel differently. She is not and we make sure we recognize that being with people and having friends is part of an education.

[Dustybug]

For our family, we wouldn't ignore the child's feelings, but it is our decision how they receive their education. Again, for our family, they will do that through homeschooling through high school. The only way that would change is if some drastic life change (me being forced to return to work or severe illness that prevented me from teaching, etc.) occurred. It would be the same if they went to school somewhere else. We would not throw them willy nilly into any school, we would research and choose the one that was in the best interest of your child.

 

I do agree that it depends on why you are homeschooling. Our reasons trump a desire to "fit in." We would try to accommodate that in a different manner.

[Walking-Iris]

I agree with pp that it really depends on various situations. I would have to take the child's maturity into consideration. The 5 year old who thinks school is like what they see on a pbs cartoon is not to be taken seriously. There's an element of being the adult and doing what is in the best interest for your children. In my case I feel that homeschooling throughout middle school is in their best interest. I would have a mature conversation with the older student about their feelings on attending high school or homeschooling.

 

I also feel that the homeschooling decision needs to be reevaluated yearly. I don't let emotions sway our response. If I'm feeling like I want to quit I work on those issues and try to fix the problem, if my children are not very disciplined or need more friends or...something...I work on the problem. I don't believe that ps or private school is a cure-all for certain struggles.

 

If there are ever extenuating circumstances like finances or health that are really not going to coexist with homeschooling at all. I would consider school. But I would be trying really hard to get back to a place where we could homeschool.

 

If my child wanted to go to school because all his friends went, no sorry. I would find ways to get him together with friends more often or I would have ongoing discussions about how important it is to think for oneself and to not follow the opinions of a peer group.

 

If his friends were subtly toxic and a distracting force in regards to my family's values and lifestyles, he'd need to find new friends.

 

Having said that, I know of people who have enrolled on trial periods. I wouldn't do it, because I take too seriously my responsibility as their parent and educator. There's freedom and choice in a child's education to a limit. This is what I have decided is best and I need to be sure of the strengths of my convictions.

[G5052]

Every family is different, but it isn't on my radar at all. I know that I can do better than the local schools academically, and I prefer the content of what we do at home. We don't need the sports and/or music either because we do martial arts and piano.

 

Mine have of course asked off and on over the years, but it was always about social issues. So I make sure that they get a lot of that (thankfully that isn't hard here), and they are happy.

[G5052]

I have to say no. I had two now adult children who clamored to go to public school. We finally agreed and one was started in eighth grade and one started in ninth. The older one was interested in writing classes and theater while the younger one was interested in sports and cheerleading. To make a long story short, the eldest ended up so severely bullied that she was very traumatized for several years and needed counseling, ect. The younger girl became a bully, was arrested for felony witness intimidation, made friends with the druggies and criminal element at the school and was arrested multiple times for shoplifting, ect and began running away. At 16 she was the object of a sheriff's manhunt after escaping from custody at the courthouse and later that year was extradited back home from a state several hundred miles away. At 18 she was convicted of running a heroin ring. I realize these are drastic outcomes and not all kids take to that sort of thing like a duck to water, but although we had pulled the girls out after just those two years in ps, the train had left the station as far as my daughter's lives were concerned. I'm not saying that my younger girl would not have become a criminal, but if she hadn't had the exposure to those other kids she wouldn't have had the ideas and opportunities that she did to develop her sociopathic tendencies. Tendencies we weren't aware of before we sent her. And we live in a mostly rural/very small town type area. I can't imagine what that kid might have gotten into if we lived in a more urban area. So, I guess I'm not a fan of public education in that it brings together a very diverse group of kids and while that may be nice to learn about things like cultural difference and tolerance, it can also provide your child with an introduction to much more negative things as well. You don't know how susceptible your own kids will be until they are in that situation.

 

 

Yes, this is also my concern with the local community college for dual enrollment. Being a professor, I know about the drug use and which students have probation officers and social workers. I also know that only around 20% of the students there graduate within five years, so you are putting your kid into an environment where there is a high drop-out rate.

 

Some will rise above that, and some won't.

[kewb]

My ds was seriously toying with the idea of going back to ps for high school because all of his friends were telling him to go (misery loves company). I told him if his reason for going was just because his friends wanted him to the answer is no. He would need to write a research paper describing the benefits of going vs. continuing to homeschool and then his father and I would seriously consider it.

 

I also told him if he wants to go then we will do school at home for a few weeks.

He had to be up by 6:30 and get his chores done and be ready to walk to school by 7:45 because we live walking distance and I am not driving him. Then I made him walk around outside for 20 minutes with his backpack. I set the timer for each period. I talked behind him during lectures and kicked his chair during class. In between classes I shoved him around the house (our hs hallways are very crowded) and high fived him when he saw his friends. He had to get a pass to go to the bathroom and if he took too long he got extra homework. I gave him detention for passing notes. When he said I passed it to him I told him that was true but I didn't get caught-he did.

 

After 2 weeks of this he decided he wanted to continue to homeschool because he was tired of getting up so early for school. Sleeping in is way better then getting up at the crack of dawn.

[Dana]

Yes, this is also my concern with the local community college for dual enrollment. Being a professor, I know about the drug use and which students have probation officers and social workers. I also know that only around 20% of the students there graduate within five years, so you are putting your kid into an environment where there is a high drop-out rate.

 

Some will rise above that, and some won't.

 

When I was full time at the cc, I didn't know which students were on probation or who had social workers. I did have a student arrested from my classroom once, but that's only happened once in over 15 years of teaching.

 

I think at the cc, if a student is only taking one or two classes in a semester, they aren't likely to be fully involved in the community. They are a lot less likely to be with the same group of students long term, so I don't worry what my son would be exposed to at the cc with dual enrollment.

 

Of course, different schools have different problems and cultures!

[Tracy]

My ds was seriously toying with the idea of going back to ps for high school because all of his friends were telling him to go (misery loves company). I told him if his reason for going was just because his friends wanted him to the answer is no. He would need to write a research paper describing the benefits of going vs. continuing to homeschool and then his father and I would seriously consider it.

 

I also told him if he wants to go then we will do school at home for a few weeks.

He had to be up by 6:30 and get his chores done and be ready to walk to school by 7:45 because we live walking distance and I am not driving him. Then I made him walk around outside for 20 minutes with his backpack. I set the timer for each period. I talked behind him during lectures and kicked his chair during class. In between classes I shoved him around the house (our hs hallways are very crowded) and high fived him when he saw his friends. He had to get a pass to go to the bathroom and if he took too long he got extra homework. I gave him detention for passing notes. When he said I passed it to him I told him that was true but I didn't get caught-he did.

 

After 2 weeks of this he decided he wanted to continue to homeschool because he was tired of getting up so early for school. Sleeping in is way better then getting up at the crack of dawn.

 

 

:smilielol5: My dh is a high school teacher, and he laughed so hard when I read this to him! This is great.

[Um_2_4]

PS is not an option for us. Kids wouldn't go to PS or private for that matter without throwing a fit. They pity those kids who have to sit 8 hours in a classroom everyday. LOL

Only way kids would go to private school (and not here, DH would move to be closer to his family) would be my death or such a serious illness I could not homeschool through it (and we would be willing to hire help, so it would have to be an extreme illness, like terminal cancer and even in that case if they were young, I might hire help/tutors and keep them home to spend my last days reading to them and cuddling them). OK sorry for that depressing thought, but having chronic anxiety and immediate family that all died from cancer, I have thought about that scenario :( .

[Um_2_4]

 

Geesh, it's like I could have typed the same post, word for word.

 

:grouphug:

 

Thanks Wendy, good to know I am not the only one who wakes up with thoughts like that some days.

[Halcyon]

Okay, an update with my thoughts. Spent the day today with my son's hockey team (we had an away game) and talked to e coach a bit whose son is my son's age and is in public. He is not happy, even though the schools here are considered "the best in Florida" (he's like "um, but it's still Florida, kwim?") the schools here Really cant give my son what e needs academically, which is why we homeschool. Bt we also have found the "keeping them close" ideal to be so important for us the more we homeschool. Dh thinks we need to do some fun sleepovers with his friends. He absolutely thinks public school here is a no go, as long as i want to continue hs-ing, which i do.

 

I think it's the first time my son has ever expressed interest in public school, so i got a little nervous. I KNOW he would hate all of it except recess and the social part. He would hate getting up early, homework, drudge work, amd test prep.

 

 

At the first hint of "hey, so what else is out there besides homeschool?" from my kid i dont need to get into a big tizzy, right? {eyeroll}

[Chrysalis Academy]

totally reasonable to be asking yourself the question, though, right? we're doing this because we want what's best for our kids, and we want to be sure that if that changes, we can change. props for thinking about it, and asking for advice . . . and not deciding anything too quickly!

[8filltheheart]

I'll start with the qualifier that ps is not an option for our family b/c I completely disagree with ps educational methodology and teaching to the test philosophy. Private schools, otoh, are a completely valid option.

 

That said, I think what it really boils down to is the individual family's view on the purpose of school. Educating the child in academics would be the answer for our family in regards to a b&m school. Friendship time is not about education but socializing. Providing plenty of opportunities for getting together with other kids, being involved in sports, drama, choir, band, and any 100 other extra-curricular activities is essential, but it is not what determines our academic choices.

 

FWIW, if a child is an atypical student, even private school would be off the table unless the school could meet the educational needs of the particular child. For example, our 11th and 8th graders would not fit well in any traditional educational sequence, so attending a b&m school would hinder their academic studies and I would be hard-pressed into trying to find a way that a school would be a better choice than homeschool.

 

We tried to encourage our oldest to attend a great private high school, but he absolutely refused after shadowing for a few days b/c he did not want have such a regimented and narrowed view of subject matter. We have had one go for a yr and come back home. We graduated one a yr early so that she could attend a very small Catholic classical college (tiny, under 90 students in total) and she had an absolutely wonderful experience. (the courses she had the opportunity to take were fabulous and the capstone to a classical education---philosophy, logic, theology, intense lit and comp, etc.) Since she didn't want to major in a liberal art, it was the perfect way for her to have experienced those courses without it impacting her college sequence.

 

But, for a 10 yr old wanting to hang out with friends, bleh, that would be a no go here.

 

Another FWIW, for kids with passionate interests, summer camps are a great way to help them connect with other kids that share their interests and be around inspiring adults. There are great camps for math, science, foreign language immersion, writing, music, art, etc. My kids love summer camp programs. They are a huge budget item, so ones that would have to nixed if we were paying private school tuition. Flip-side is that most of the really good camps also have great scholarships for those who demonstrate financial need, so don't write them off simply if you think you can't afford them.

[kwg]

Okay, an update with my thoughts. Spent the day today with my son's hockey team (we had an away game) and talked to e coach a bit whose son is my son's age and is in public. He is not happy, even though the schools here are considered "the best in Florida" (he's like "um, but it's still Florida, kwim?") the schools here Really cant give my son what e needs academically, which is why we homeschool. Bt we also have found the "keeping them close" ideal to be so important for us the more we homeschool. Dh thinks we need to do some fun sleepovers with his friends. He absolutely thinks public school here is a no go, as long as i want to continue hs-ing, which i do.

 

I think it's the first time my son has ever expressed interest in public school, so i got a little nervous. I KNOW he would hate all of it except recess and the social part. He would hate getting up early, homework, drudge work, amd test prep.

 

 

At the first hint of "hey, so what else is out there besides homeschool?" from my kid i dont need to get into a big tizzy, right? {eyeroll}

 

 

I would do the same thing! I like your husband's idea. In addition, I wonder if you could find a few hs friends his age? That way he could moan about all the things that stink about hs. My ds10 seems to take a kind of depressive delight in this lately *rolling eyes*.

[NotSoObvious]

I feel for you! One of my dds is your son's age and she almost went back to school this year. But then right before I was ready to enroll her, she realized that her sister and I would continue to do playgroups and classes without her. ;) I think it was the first time she realized that she really has a social network of homeschoolers.

Now, my husband and I have made the decision that we will homeschool through middle school, assuming we continue to be able to afford it. Now that it's off the table until high school, it's a huge relief for all of us!

As of now, I will let her decide if she wants to go to ps for high school. Although, recently she has become aware of the opportunities homeschoolers have to volunteer in high school. She wants to one a marine biologist. If we move to Florida, she'd have lots of opportunities to work with animals. She knows if she goes to school full time, she'd have a fraction of the free time. It will be interesting to see how she feels.

By other twin? She'd rather cut off an arm than go back to public school. ;)

[heritagelearningacademy]

We went through this with my 12 year old son in the Fall. We did lots of talking about it and after yet another complaint about homeschooling and asking again....I did this.....

 

I told him it wouldn't happen right then and there. He would have to finish out the semester at least, maybe school year. We would talk more about it and figure out what was best. But, in order to prepare for the transition to back to public school (we began homeschooling part way through 4th grade), that he would follow the jr high schedule. That meant getting up at 6 and being ready to be on the bus by 6:45. He would sit at a table and could read or play his ipod touch for the "40" minute bus ride. No tv because he wouldn't be able to do that on the bus. Then, I wrote out his schedule and showed him he would have 25 minutes for lunch and back to classes. And, since he would have homework, after soccer practice in the evenings, he would have about 2 hours each night. I told him we would begin that schedule the next week.

 

He came to us that night and said he thought about it and really didn't want to go to public school. He finally figured out for himself what he wanted....more time with friends. (We had asked, but he said that wasn't it.) He thought his friends from his soccer team hung out all day together and sat around. Not the case. But, we did make a commitment to be better at inviting friends to our home....despite our crazy at times schedule. It has made a difference and we haven't had that discussion since. Not to say it won't come up again, but he figured it out himself.

 

Secretly I was SOOOOOOO happy that he came to that decision. We didn't really know what we would do my hubby and I. I had an inkling it was about what he thought he was missing and I was right. It helps that 2 of his good friends on his soccer team are also homeschooled and they get together sometimes when everyone else is in school.

 

It is hard. But, right now the Lord is telling us to homeschool. So, that is what we are doing.