Does anyone have fairly large chunks of time in their past, that they can't remember?

[AimeeM]

I find myself wondering how normal this is.

My mother talks fondly of her time homeschooling me. I mean, I know she did it, but I don't remember anything from those years. She homeschooled me from grade 2 (age 8) until grade 5. I remember zilch. Nothing. Nada. Not just about homeschooling, but about those years in general.

Frankly, I remember only patches of my childhood until around age 13, and the patches of memories before then aren't of good things (my parents were in no way abusive, I just only remember patches of time like when bad things happened with the foster children my parents took in, etc).

 

My husband, on the other hand, can remember his third birthday in vivid detail.

 

Am I a total freak?

[klmama]

No, you aren't a freak. People tend to remember the traumatic events of their childhood. Perhaps those homeschooling years were peaceful and calm, without much drama, so nothing stands out in your memory.

[kalanamak]

No, I hear this from people. I tend to remember in fanatical detail, but no you are not a freak.

[Dandelion]

Not a freak. My memory of my childhood is about the same. In fact, I believe some "memories" of mine only exist because I've heard certain stories over and over again and created my memories from that. :blush:

 

I'm glad you asked, because I've wondered about this myself. Glad to hear I'm not the only one!

[AimeeM]

Cool.

... so he's the freak (who can remember everything from age 3 on with dead accuracy), lol.

[texasmama]

Traumatic memories are laid down in our brains differently than uneventful memories. My dh has a crazy memory of details. I, on the other hand, do not. My experience is much like yours in that I have "lost" most of years of my elementary age experiences. Most people recall more from adolescence than earlier childhood.

[Cynful]

My parents swear that they took me to Disney World around age 9 or 10 for me. We were there for a few days and they say don't you remember how it rained and rained and we bought ponches and did this and that? I can't remember a thing of it, nothing, nada. My husband is like yours. I think he remembers every single birthday present he's ever received, everybody's birthdays, all the vacations he went on, etc.

 

I think Moms just have more multi-tasking going on for us to remember everything......

[Cosmos]

You don't remember even the fact that you were homeschooled? I find it surprising that someone would have NO memories of a long stretch of years at that age. I have many specific memories from grades 2-5, as well as many more general memories such as who my teachers were and where I sat in the classroom, what my bedroom looked like and so forth.

[AimeeM]

You don't remember even the fact that you were homeschooled? I find it surprising that someone would have NO memories of a long stretch of years at that age. I have many specific memories from grades 2-5, as well as many more general memories such as who my teachers were and where I sat in the classroom, what my bedroom looked like and so forth.

Not one single memory of it, no. I imagine it wasn't horrible as I was placed in gifted education when I returned to b&m school, but I do not remember anything about it. My mother doesn't know this - she often says things about it and I just nod and smile.

[Um_2_4]

Ok, so I'm not alone. I don't recall much pre high school to be honest and even not all of that is crystal clear.

[Jenn121]

Not a freak. :blush:

 

My childhood was not that great and there a chunks missing I suspect because I do not want to remember. I have brief flashes sometimes of yuck stuff and I push it away quickly.

 

We were a military family and moved around a lot so my memories are not always in chronological order either.

[Hunter's Moon]

I remember some events differently than others. Most of them traumatic. A lot of the more traumatic ones have giant holes in them.

[runbikeswim]

I barely remember my childhood. I also have lost lots of time as an adult. It is strange and while I know nothing traumatic happened to me, I do wonder if I was dropped on my head as a baby lol.

[Chris in VA]

For several of the groups I"ve been in, I've had to prepare a spiritual autobiography, where I talk about things in my past.

 

In doing these, I find myself remembering more and more, as I really sit and think about it. For me, the more I let my mind relax and "go back," the more I can remember. Talking about it with someone who was there helps, too, but we often remember different aspects of events (and different events!).

It's kind of like memory work, in that the more you do it, the easier it becomes--the more I recall, the more I can recall.

 

Maybe you just need to sit with it for a while, and try some triggers, like old photos or maybe something from that time. When we talk on the forums about old TV shows or songs, it often triggers more memories for me.

[Annie Laurie]

No. I have a few random memories, but for the most part I don't remember much before 4th grade. And even after that is spotty.

[Starr]

I always think of our children's childhoods belonging to us. They'll move on and live in the moment while we cherish the memories.

[WistfulRidge]

No, I hear this from people. I tend to remember in fanatical detail, but no you are not a freak.

 

 

I agree. I can remember, vividly, climbing out of my crib at 18 months, untangling my leg from the Christmas lights that were hung around my crib because I found them soothing, and getting into a box of Vanilla wafers because I was hungry.

 

On the other hand one of my best friends doesn't remember much of what happened before she was ten or so.

[Sparkle]

I am the same way. I remember very little of my childhood. I think I have a poor memory for events in general. I've always had a good memory for details - phone numbers, birthdays, etc., but events totally slip through my mind. My dh is like yours, he remembers everything. One thing that does help me remember things is when I talk them over with other people who shared them with me - my sister or my aunt or cousin - then I start to recall things. But on my own - nope.

[PinkInTheBlue]

That describes the difference in my husband and myself very well. I remember things all the way back to 2 but he has terribly patchy memory of not much at all. Odd to me but there are many like him and like me. :)

[WiseOwlKnits]

Yep, my DH is like that. Can't remember large chunks of his childhood, while I can remember things vividly. I always thought he was the freak. :) Nice to know that we're both normal, just on opposite ends.

[Word Nerd]

I am more of a big-picture person, so there are many little details that I don't remember from my childhood. Sometimes my sister (who's just the opposite in that regard) will mention something we did as kids, and I don't have any recollection at all of the event.

[AimeeM]

Lol. It's funny how differently we remember things too, when compared to the same memories from different family members. If you heard my younger sister speak, she would tell you that my father was terribly hard on her as a child - she doesn't seem to remember the fires she set, the bb gun she took to shoot at the house windows... those things escape her, while the punishments she received for them are vivid.

[GailV]

There are huge chunks that I prefer not to think about. Nothing abusive -- more along the lines of "what was up with that?" Wow, I did some amazingly stupid stuff. So I don't spend a lot of time reflecting on those things. (And, in the thread about shopping, I'm one who makes my purchase and gets on with my life ;) )

 

I heard a program on NPR one day about memory -- people who can't remember much of anything vs. people who remember EVERYTHING. The people who remember everything tend to be depressed, and the people who forget everything seem to be happy. Interesting.

[sbgrace]

I don't have a lot of memories from my younger years. The ones I do remember fall into a couple of categories: some negative experiences that stuck and things that I think I was either retold as I got older or that I "remember" from pictures. My husband remembers a lot--even bizarrely mundane things. He remembers much younger than my earliest memories. I do think I'm a little weird. I seem, though, to have a child like myself and another like my husband so maybe it's personality. My husband does a lot more pondering than I do generally. Maybe that has something to do with it.

[elegantlion]

I have very vivid memories from under age 3- not traumatic things, just random stuff. I know because it was a certain house. I generally have an awesome memory, but there are big sections of my childhood I can't remember. From pre-teen on, however, I remember a lot.

 

Dh has a splotchy memory, but some of that is because his dad died when he was 9 and he's always had a poor long-term memory.

[PachiSusan]

I remember very little of my childhood before about 6 or 7. It was completely uneventful.

[LibraryLover]

I remember events from before I am 2 (as confirmed by my mother). One the clearest memories I have is of a milk-drinking race with some older children. I remember seeing a small crack in a kitchen drawer, and seeing the window sill high above me, plus thinking, '"They are bigger. I am not going to win!" When I finally asked Mom about this, she told me she & Dad hosted two Fresh Air kids the summer before my sister was born. I was 14 months old when those children visited, and my mother remembers the milk story.

 

That sister, otoh, has *very* spotty childhood memories. Things I remember with great fondness (getting a doll house when we were 9 & 10, receiving similar dolls so we could pretend we were twins etc) are among many special events I hold dear, but that she doesn't recall. I finally made her remember the names of those dolls so I could talk about them to her. lol

 

The brain is a complicated organ.

 

I just read about the depressed/not depressed NPR report cited by a previous poster. Anecdotally, that doesn't hold true for me. :)

[PachiSusan]

 

I just read about the depressed/not depressed NPR report cited by a previous poster. Anecdotally, that doesn't hold true for me. :)

 

Me neither. I remember little and I tend to be on the depressive side of life.

[NotSoObvious]

I remember a ton of stuff. I remember houses we lived in, events, pets, friends, etc. I have some memories from as early as two (getting stung by a bee on a slide and falling in a cactus). I remember a lot about elementary school- for sure all my teachers and very specific interactions with them. I remember a ton from jr high and high school.

I totally agree with NPR but maybe it's not that we are depressed because we remember things, but because we dwell not things, like I do. I think about how I should have done things differently, etc. If I didn't have the memories, I couldn't have regrets.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I only have a few random memories before the age of 12.

[Unicorn.]

I think we tend to remember things that stand out. Not just the tramatic, but really happy experiences too. The day to day we tend to forget. I remember certain birthdays, but not others, for example. I don't have a lot of memories of my sister, even though we shared a room, but I do of my brother.

[jewellsmommy]

I remember strangely normal things from my life. They are like movie clips or some "stills", from all through my childhood. I remember the bad/traumatic things too. But I have a lot of seemingly random memories of no real significance. I'm not sure why they stand out.

[mytwomonkeys]

there are of things i can't remember from my life at ALL (i'm talking funerals i've attended even), yet there are very random things i remember vividly.... an outfit i was wearing at a specific time. that song playing on the radio during a specific conversation, and i can still tell you the license plate number of the boy i had a secret crush on in 11th grade!! i'm 41! lol.

[DianeW88]

Wow, I'm so surprised that so many people can remember so little of their childhood! I remember my 2nd birthday in vivid detail and so much of my childhood, that I constantly surprise my relatives. I would seriously hate not being to recall my childhood...it was very happy and carefree. And, yes, I know I was fortunate.

[wendyroo]

I have many distinct memories from when I was little, but also a lot of events that I don't remember at all. For example, I can describe in detail my first bedroom including the radio tower with the flashing light I could see out the window and we moved out of that house before I turned 4. But, my aunt took me to Disney Land when I was 9 and I know it happened and I have a few souvenirs, but the only real memory I have of the trip is seeing mountains for the first time as we flew over the Rockies on the way there.

 

My husband, interestingly, seems to have constructed most of his "memories" of his childhood. He swears his family never carved pumpkins at Halloween or dyed eggs at Easter and yet his mother, father and older sister all say they did those things every year and they have pictures to prove it. He says he walked to elementary school every day, but his parents say he chose to walk a few days each year during upper elementary but he almost always rode the bus. He talks about how their pool was surrounded by rocks that got hot and hurt his feet and the rest of the family looks at him like he is insane and shows him pictures of the pool with grass growing right up to the sides. It is weird.

 

Wendy

[AndyJoy]

I used to think it was unusual that my sister barely remembers anything before age 10/11, but apparently she's not alone and I'm the freak :laugh:. She just takes my word for it when I relate stories. I, however, have memories from 22 mo. and up. I have a few from before age 5, and a TON from 5 and up. They weren't traumatic--I just retain random facts well. My mom relies on me to help date her unlabelled photos because I can say, "Well I got that shirt in 3rd grade, and my sister got her hair cut like that when she was 6, so..."

[DianeW88]

I heard a program on NPR one day about memory -- people who can't remember much of anything vs. people who remember EVERYTHING. The people who remember everything tend to be depressed, and the people who forget everything seem to be happy. Interesting.

And that doesn't hold true for me. I'm a perpetually happy, cheerful, almost...ugh...perky person, but I have incredibly detailed memories of my childhood.

[Sahamamama]

No, you aren't a freak. People tend to remember the traumatic events of their childhood. Perhaps those homeschooling years were peaceful and calm, without much drama, so nothing stands out in your memory.

 

Well, I will politely disagree with this and say that sometimes people tend to repress the traumatic events of their childhood, and therefore they "forget" the good with the bad.

 

OP -- I will ask you this: What smells take you back to those years? A perfume? A food? A flower's scent? I believe that some smells can trigger our memories. Also, if your parents are still living, why not prompt them to tell you about this season of your childhood? Ask your mother what kind of perfume or powder she used to put on, or what kind of shampoo she used on your hair. Ask your dad if he wore a certain kind of cologne.

[BigMamaBird]

No, not a freak.

 

I have a very vivid memory but my brother will frequently respond to reminisces with a blank look. He doesn't remember very much of his childhood but we grew up in the same house with the same experiences.

[Pawz4me]

I can only remember bits and pieces before about high school. Some memories are good, some not so good. Overall I'd say I had an average childhood. There was certainly nothing majorly traumatic about it, so I don't think my subconscious is blotting out memories. I know I didn't become very self-aware until I was well into my 20's, and I've always wondered if that relates somehow to my lack of solid memories. My DH can remember a LOT more about his childhood than I can. I say, only half-jokingly, that he can remember every paper he ever wrote in elementary school.

[Sahamamama]

Not one single memory of it, no. I imagine it wasn't horrible as I was placed in gifted education when I returned to b&m school, but I do not remember anything about it. My mother doesn't know this - she often says things about it and I just nod and smile.

 

 

Why? I'm not judging you, I'm sincerely asking.

[Hypatia.]

I will ask you this: What smells take you back to those years? A perfume? A food? A flower's scent? I believe that some smells can trigger our memories.

 

 

The smell of a candle that has just been blown out always reminds me of Christmas Eve gatherings with my mom's extended family. I was young, from birth up to about 4-5 years old. We would eat dinner with candles on the table then when the tables were cleared the candles would be extinguished and we would all move into the living room to open gifts. That memory is always triggered by that particular smell.

[Annie G]

I have few memories from childhood- just random stuff. But I have a VERY vivid, wonderful memory of riding on a ferry with my family, and my mom and sisters stayed in the car on the ferry and Dad and I stood at the railing and enjoyed the breeze.

It never happened. My father never took us on a ferry. It was like the most wonderful memory of my childhood. And it never happened. Now THAT is weird.

[AimeeM]

The only smell that takes me back is my father's smell - he smells of cigarettes (actually pleasant to me, I assume because I adore my father), gasoline (he owned a heavy equipment shop), and his Old Spice deodorant... also baths; some of my favorite teenage memories are of me sitting beside him while he bathed in the evening - that is when we talked about our day (I hope that doesn't sound odd to some, lol). However, these smells only take me back to my teenage years.

My mother never, to my knowledge, wore perfume and washed my hair with whatever she had on hand, lol. She never really cooked. After my parents divorced, I have memories of food that bring me back, because my father and bonus mother loved to cook with us, but again - that is my teen years. Every time I drink Ginger Ale I remember "sick" - because ginger ale and crackers were my bonus mother's go-to any time we were feeling under the weather... again, though, those are teenage memories.

 

I have my thyroid checked frequently because my mother has hypothyroidism. I can say that I doubt it's an issue with me, regardless of the testing, only because I have no other symptoms of thyroid problems, but I *have* had it tested many times, just to be safe.

 

Well, I will politely disagree with this from my own experience and say that sometimes people tend to repress the traumatic events of their childhood, and therefore they "forget" the good with the bad.

 

OP --

 

I will ask you this: What smells take you back to those years? A perfume? A food? A flower's scent? I believe that some smells can trigger our memories.

 

Also, if your parents are still living, why not prompt them to tell you about this season of your childhood? Ask your mother what kind of perfume or powder she used to put on, or what kind of shampoo she used on your hair. Ask your dad if he wore a certain kind of cologne. [For example, my husband told me recently that one morning while he was getting dressed in the dark, he put on Old Spice Original Scent and started crying. He could not understand why. Then it dawned on him that he usually uses Old Spice Sport Scent -- you just had to know this, right? ;) -- but his father uses Old Spice Original. Well... the scent reminded him of his dad, and all that missing his father (alive & well in CA) just rose up in him and he cried about it. Scents are powerful formers and triggers of memory].

 

Also, if this memory loss is relatively recent, you may want to have your thyroid checked. I did fairly well in remembering my life events until my thyroid went awry. For years I had undiagnosed Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and had a hard time thinking clearly. The doctors were clueless, and blamed everything else. I'm mostly better now, but there are times when I just can't remember what we did in the spring of 2010. That's not that far back, you know? If I didn't keep a calendar, photos, and have my husband to go over it with me, I'm sure I'd lose my history. This thought used to freak me out at times, when I first realized I couldn't seem to "hold onto the timeline." I've adjusted by writing things down, telling people I don't remember large chunks of my more distant history (much of my 20s and 30s is a blur), and keeping some souvenirs -- physical objects that remind me of my life. Telling people helps, because if they knew you then, they fill you in. If they didn't know you then, they understand why sometimes your dates don't line up. HTH.

 

[AimeeM]

 

Why? I'm not judging you, I'm sincerely asking.

 

Why don't I tell her that I don't remember?

Eh. She remembers things differently than I do, in general. Not just *what* she remembers, but *how* she remembers it.

[AHASRADA]

I only have about one clear memory from each school year from grade 2 through 6. I have a few more from 7th and 8th, but my main school-related memories are from high school. Of course, I remember non-school related things from my childhood from those years, but mainly events that made a big impression on me, not everyday things.

[Dandelion]

 

I heard a program on NPR one day about memory -- people who can't remember much of anything vs. people who remember EVERYTHING. The people who remember everything tend to be depressed, and the people who forget everything seem to be happy. Interesting.

 

That is interesting. I'm one of the people who can't remember much of my early childhood. And I'm a happy person. :)

 

That said, I did not have a traumatic childhood, I'm not repressing anything, and my memory overall is actually excellent. I remember things just fine as an adult.

 

Fascinating topic. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's posts.

[MBM]

It's not unusal that people forget chunks of their lives especially if those times were difficult.. The memories don't get processed correctly because they've bypassed the hippocampus. In order for a memory to get properly integrated, it has to be processed by the hippocampus.

 

An extreme example is post-traumatic stress disorder (although the trauma doesn't have to be that severe). Something horrible occurs but is not properly processed by the hippocampus; however, those implicit memories still exist and affect our lives in different ways.

 

If you want to read more about this -- implicit and explicit memory -- Dan Siegel has written aobut it in his book Mindsight. Here's a little snippet from his book (chapter is "Prisoners of the Past":

 

When the images and sensations of experience remain in "implicit-only" form, when they have not been integrated by the hippocampus, they remain in unassembled neural diarray, they are not tagged as representations dervied from the past, and they do not enter our life story as the unfolding narrative that explicitly defines who we are. Such implicit-only memories continue to shape the subjective feeling we have of our here-and-now realities, the sense of who we are moment to moment but this influence is not accessible to our awareness. We have to assemble these implicit puzzle pieces into explicit form in order to be able to reflect on their impact on our lives.

 

In these cases, therapy can often help to integrate the implicit memories into explicit memories.

[Faithr]

I don't remember a lot until I encounter something that triggers a memory. For instance when cleaning out my parents house after they passed I found things, a kick knack that used to sit on a particular shelf or an old book of my dad's or something and that will trigger a little memory and then that little memory will trigger another and so on until I begin to remember a lot more than I thought I would, but sometimes it takes days for memories to be triggered. For instance, once I was at a used book sale and I ran across an old textbook I used in 4th or 5th grade and that got me thinking and then I started remembering the different teachers in my school and different classmates and different incidences in the classes. It is kind of mush at first but over time the images can get clearer, even if they stay somewhat random. But I find remembering things takes time and focus. At first I feel blank but then memories percolate up. And since the passing of my parents I have to say I try much harder to remember, my childhood and memories of my mom and dad are very, very precious to me now.

 

To the OP do you have photos of yourself homeschooling? Do you have any copies of old notebooks or books or anything like that? I'd try to find ways to remember.

 

My fil doesn't remember much of his childhood at all. His mother was unstable and would stick him in orphanages for years and then take him out only to stick him back in after a few months. I don't know how he turned out to be such a sweet, generous, hard working guy. He is very jolly and busy all the time, but if you ask him about his childhood, he'll say it is just a blank to him. It was like he was born at the age of 18 when he joined the army.

[TravelingChris]

I am not depressed and almost all of my memories are not traumatic. My first one is- the assassination of JFK when I was almost 11 months old. I do remember this, not because I knew what was happening, but I figured it out later. My earliest memory was of my mom and our neighbor in the kitchen, listening to the radio and I was in a high chair, eating some cracker or cookie type of thing. The radio had been playing music and was interrupted and my mom and the neighbor lady started crying.

 

But after that memory, I have lots of memories starting at about 15 months of age. I have three kids and one has an atrocious memory and not just for long term things, one has a fantastic memory like mine, and the third has a very good visual memory but not as good remembering facts.