Anyone else have a bio child who doesn't resemble you...

[MedicMom]

...and do you get a lot of questions about it?

 

DH and I are both green/brown eyed with brown hair with a darker caucasian complexion Our son is super blond and dark blue eyes and light skin. DD is brown hair brown eyes.

 

I just got asked for the thousandth time if he was adopted or not DHs.

 

 

Anyone else run into this? How do you answer or do you just tell people it isn't any of their business? I hear it a lot and I don't want it to give DS any insecurity growing up.

Any

[mommymilkies]

I have dark brown hair and so does dh. We have a lot of Scottish and Irish in our family and two of my girls (one with dh) have strawberry blond/red hair. You wouldn't imagine the incredibly rude comments about their parentage. Some of those from family. >.<

 

I will say they often change hair color as they grow, though. I was blond until 4th grade!

[HappyLady]

Growing up I was the one who didn't look like anyone. I had blonde hair and blue eyes whereas my parents and sister all had brown hair and brown eyes! I swore I was adopted. I'm still trying to figure out where my features came from because thankfully I can see the resemblance between my father and myself now. :)

[klmama]

My brother has this situation, too. One of his dc is blonde and blue-eyed, which doesn't fit the rest of their household. The little guy looks just like our sister, so that's what they tell people. I would figure out who in the extended family your ds resembles and answer, "He looks like his aunt/uncle/great-grandfather" or else say something about how there must be blue-eyed blondes somewhere in the family tree.

[MedicMom]

BTW, to clarify, I worry about the effect that these comments will have on my son and perhaps make him wonder down the road if we are lying to him about his parentage. I don't mean that I think kids in adoptive or step parent families are insecure.

 

I actually had a family member try to prove to me that he cannot be DH and my biological son because of the blue eye color. Once it dawned on me that she was accusing me of being unfaithful to DH, it all went downhill from there.

 

DS actually is a dead ringer for my dad's little boy pictures. I tell people that, but they have usually said something stupid first.

[Tita Gidge]

I married a man of a different race, so our kids run the gamut.

 

We're from an area that was colonized and settled numerous times, so just about everyone we know has done the same and has the same :)

 

It's only an issue when we're in certain parts of the US, where people just aren't familiar with a more mixed society. I guess, historically, more was at stake and so now, socially, it's still something worth talking about (albeit with more curiosity than stigma). I don't know, I just find it fascinating that people care ... but at the same time, I know it's how humans do. We compartmentalize. Sometimes without any tact, even. And out loud when we ought better to, silently!

 

We had one woman question my husband as to whether one child was his, seemingly worried he had been cuckholded. The child favors my genes. My husband smiled firmly and asserted that genes are funny, aren't they? and effectively ended the conversation. She kept staring, and as they walked away my husband laughed with our child suggesting that if only that woman could see the other genes he had passed on to this child (namely, temper!) He didn't want our kids growing up insecure either.

 

Pardon my while I step into the gutter for a minute, but it reminds me of the whole Khloe Kardashian thing. Making a big, public deal about the speculations when the one in question could give a flip.

[dbmamaz]

my sister looks like my father's side of the family, darker Caucasian skin, dark brown hair, brown eyes. My mother has light brown hair and light eyes, but i came out blonde and with paler, pinker skin. My sister and I are 18 mo apart but she has a larger build than I do. We came home one day when we were still pretty little, asking what adopted meant. My parents just scoffed. Apparently both of my grandfathers were blonde.

 

people are just rude

[Onceuponatime]

None of my children look like me. Dh is hispanic and my family is northern European. They all have very dark hair, dark eyes, and sinfully long eyelashes, but they have the paler european skin. The comment I get most often is "Your children have such beautiful eyes. They must have got them from their father."

 

Gee , thanks.

[LucyStoner]

Many dark haired people start life as light headed people. My brother and my dad were both fair and had near white blond hair. When they grew up, their hair darkened to a very dark almost black brown. My brother's daughter is seeming the same. I would remind people of this fact. "Oh, dad was a towhead too when he was little but time changed that!" Also a firmly stated "I beg your pardon? Why ever would you say that?" helps with the ruder remarks.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Also a firmly stated "I beg your pardon? Why ever would you say that?" helps with the ruder remarks.

 

This. Said icily.

[ErinE]

I would treat every comment questioning paternity by acting extremely puzzled and saying, "What an odd question. Why would you ask something so personal?"

 

To comment on a child's lineage is rude, rude, rude.

[SKL]

My mom always used to point out that both she and my dad were blonde as wee kids. (Both had dark brown hair as adults; my mom's was almost black.) Of their 6 kids, only 1 stayed blonde into adulthood, but several were blonde as tots. My youngest sister learned to answer for herself, "I got my blonde hair from my grandmother."

 

It's OK if people ask about it. I think that's pretty normal. It's your reaction that will matter. Don't act like it's a big deal. Just say "no, I'm sure his hair/skin will darken as he gets older like the rest of the family." His parentage should not be an issue since I'm sure you will eventually show him his birth records etc.

 

My dds were adopted and it's obvious, so it's rare anyone even says anything about that. But we are constantly asked if they are twins. "No." That's not good enough for some people, who insist they look close in age. "They are three months apart." "How? So they are not sisters?" It does get old, but my girls pretty much take it in stride.

[KungFuPanda]

This is funny. A friend has a blue-eyed, blonde, pale child that looks nothing like her or her ex-husband. When the ex-remarried, he had two more daughters. One of those girls look JUST like the fair, blonde sister and NOTHING like either of her parents. My guess is that there are probably a few women in the Dad's family that look like these girls and it's skipping a generation :-)

[Mom-ninja.]

Yes. I have dark blond hair with hazel eyes. Dh has dark brown hair with green eyes. Our ds has red hair and grey eyes. Our other two boys have dark blond hair and hazel/brown eyes....just like me.

 

So ds looks different from all of us. We get comments all the time. He's getting used to it but he went through a time when it really bothered him and he cried a few times.

 

He's asked me to color my hair red like his so people would stop saying he looks so different. If money weren't an issue I would.

[MedicMom]

Like I said, he is a dead ringer for my dad, who stayed blond. I wouldn't be surprised if DS stayed blond.

 

I guess in all honesty it amazes me that complete strangers come up to us and insinuate that my husband is not his father. I guess nothing should surprise me, but it does, every time.

 

I had a total stranger once ask me if DS's "real father" was involved in his life. ( Yeah. Because I am MARRIED TO HIM.)

It boggles my mind.

[SKL]

"Your children have such beautiful eyes. They must have got them from their father."

 

 

No offense, but I could get lost for days in my Mayan daughters' eyes. I can only imagine how beautiful your children are.

[MedicMom]

Yes. I have dark blond hair with hazel eyes. Dh has dark brown hair with green eyes. Our ds has red hair and grey eyes. Our other two boys have dark blond hair and hazel/brown eyes....just like me.

 

So ds looks different from all of us. We get comments all the time. He's getting used to it but he went through a time when it really bothered him and he cried a few times.

 

He's asked me to color my hair red like his so people would stop saying he looks so different. If money weren't an issue I would.

 

 

Thank you. This is exactly what I worry about.

[Mom-ninja.]

Also a firmly stated "I beg your pardon? Why ever would you say that?" helps with the ruder remarks.

 

 

 

This. I finally did say this. I got so sick of people questioning my personal business. I've had a more than several people ask me if my kids all have the same father. Really? Cause what business is it of theirs?

 

I finally started saying, "That's a rude question."

 

One woman said in front of my kids, "I can see that the oldest and youngest are brothers. Is the red head yours too? So where does he fit in?"

 

I looked her in the eye and said, "He fits in right at the middle of my heart and as an important part of our family." She apologized for her wording and clarified she just wondered how he got red hair. I told her I realized that but the way questions/comments are worded can hurt a child's feelings. She did thank me for pointing it out to her and she apologized to my ds and told she loved his hair color.

 

So sometimes people don't think about hwo they are wording their comments.

[musicianmom]

My dd5 looks nothing like me, but no one has ever commented on it.

[Freckles]

I was that child. My dad is blond with blue eyes, and my mom is brunette with brown eyes. I'm a redhead with hazel eyes. The worst comments have come from family who thought they were being funny. I think genetics should be a required course in highschool. People are clueless about recessive genes. I have a brunette and a redhead. They look nothing alike, and they have the same father.

[Sarah CB]

...and do you get a lot of questions about it?

 

DH and I are both green/brown eyed with brown hair with a darker caucasian complexion Our son is super blond and dark blue eyes and light skin. DD is brown hair brown eyes.

 

I just got asked for the thousandth time if he was adopted or not DHs.

 

 

Anyone else run into this? How do you answer or do you just tell people it isn't any of their business? I hear it a lot and I don't want it to give DS any insecurity growing up.

Any

 

 

Dh is fairly dark with brown hair and brown eyes. I'm pale but with brown hair and blue eyes. Eldest is blonde and has blue eyes. She's also super tall whereas dh and I are not. The next two boys look very much like dh and are small. Our last one is also blonde with blue eyes and is very tall for his age. I call the last and the first ones my separated twins.

 

We got a ton of comments about where dd's blonde hair came from or where her height came from. Now that we have tall, blonde ds those comments have stopped.

[Mom-ninja.]

Thank you. This is exactly what I worry about.

 

 

I've just always explained to ds that red hair is not that common and that's why people always comment about it. I also pointed out to him that he knows he gets the red hair from daddy's genes because daddy's sisters have red hair and lots of freckles too as does one of his cousins.

 

I think it's funny when people ask him directly where he got his hair from he shrugs and says, "I was born with it." That makes people chuckle.

 

Other than just reassuring your dc that they are very much as important and part of the family as everyone else, and that sometimes people say rude things although they may not mean too, there's not much to do. Give lots of hugs.

[SKL]

Thank you. This is exactly what I worry about.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. We all have different physical characteristics, and all kids have to figure out which differences are important and which aren't.

 

My eldest, 1st grade, is shorter than her younger sister and most everyone else who is old enough to play with her. It's just her reality, and she has to figure out that it doesn't change the important things.

 

As far as family resemblance, since my kids are a different race from me, we obviously "don't go there." I don't mention other families' resemblance in front of my kids, because I don't want to make it seem like there is some value to looking like someone else.

[MedicMom]

 

 

I wouldn't worry about it. We all have different physical characteristics, and all kids have to figure out which differences are important and which aren't.

 

My eldest, 1st grade, is shorter than her younger sister and most everyone else who is old enough to play with her. It's just her reality, and she has to figure out that it doesn't change the important things.

 

As far as family resemblance, since my kids are a different race from me, we obviously "don't go there." I don't mention other families' resemblance in front of my kids, because I don't want to make it seem like there is some value to looking like someone else.

 

It isn't the personal characteristics that concern me. I worry that insensitive comments from people will bother him as he gets older.

[kalanamak]

I try to meet such questions with a gentle titter and "What a question!" and move on. I don't think people are purposefully being rude most of the time, but they are gauche. The "light" response tells them both that it was inappropriate and that you aren't going to jump down their throat for it.

 

ETA: oh, and your child gets a cue on how to let it run off like water on a duck's back.

 

ETA: if I had a child who was going to get those questions, I would arm them with this reply:

No, I'm a biological child, but my parents reassure me I was as wanted as any adopted child.

[SKL]

It isn't the personal characteristics that concern me. I worry that insensitive comments from people will bother him as he gets older.

 

I think that is unlikely as long as he sees you fielding the questions with a sense of humor. When he gets older he'll understand why it's kinda funny, and he'll also have enough information (re his roots and human development) to understand the truth. Maybe he'll come up with a silly retort of his own if the questions keep coming.

 

Honestly, this is quite an everyday happening where I come from. There used to be a joke about the milkman having blonde hair. My kid sister actually said that to a few people when she was a tot. It was just silly.

 

If you take it too seriously, people will start wondering if you have something to hide.

[AndyJoy]

My sister was blonde as a child and didn't seem to particularly favor either of my parents. (Now you can definitely see the resemblance in facial structure to my mom) I was constantly getting comments of, "You look just like your mom!" because our coloring was the same while she got, "Are you adopted?" My parents usually mentioned my dad was blonde as a child, she got it from grandma, etc. but it still bugged her. At one point she even doubted whether there were any baby photos of her so I dug them out to reassure her. It definitely caused her some angst!

 

When she was about 7-8, some particularly nosy adult asked her if she was adopted (again) and she burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed that she was, but she had such bad memories and it hurt to think about it. The adult apologized and was very uncomfortable. She pulled her hands away, turned off the tears, and snapped, "I'm not adopted, but is rude for you to ask!" THAT made an impact on that person, at least. Once she discovered she had this power to turn it around, she was more assertive and less fearful. She later perfected the pre-teen eye roll and deep sigh as she answered, "No, I'm not adopted."(strongly implying they were the 8-billionth person to ask and she was exasperated)

[SKL]

 

When she was about 7-8, some particularly nosy adult asked her if she was adopted (again) and she burst into tears. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed that she was, but she had such bad memories and it hurt to think about it. The adult apologized and was very uncomfortable. She pulled her hands away, turned off the tears, and snapped, "I'm not adopted, but is rude for you to ask!" THAT made an impact on that person, at least. Once she discovered she had this power to turn it around, she was more assertive and less fearful.

 

Love this!

[Mrs Mungo]

I have 3 younger sisters. Both of my parents are Irish mixed with American Indian. So, I have brown very curly hair, dark eyes, fairly dark complexion, mostly Irish features; next sister is about the same; third sister had lighter hair when we were young, she has green eyes, medium complexion, same features, slightly less curly hair; youngest sister has Native American features, completely straight black hair and she was white like a piece of paper white-she looked like Wednesday Addams, especially because she only liked black clothes when she was little. People used to ask my mom if we all had the same dad.

 

Now, one of my kids looks like me and the other two look like dh. People just say, "I guess they look like dad?"

[2squared]

Dh & I and our oldest have the same coloring. #2 has the opposite coloring. I was constantly asked about him - including mail man jokes - until I had #4 who has the same coloring. No one has commented since I was able to duplicate the opposite coloring. I suppose it didn't help that we were living in San Antonio for four years where white-blonde kids are unusual. Strangers would ask to touch ds's hair all.the.time.

 

Now of our five kids, 1 has the coloring of her parents, two have opposite coloring, and two have inbetween coloring.

 

I asked dh if he wondered about ds after he was born. And dh pointed out that ds doesn't look like either of us.

 

My recommendation is to keep having kids until you get a duplicate. :rofl:

[Alte Veste Academy]

All three of my kids don't look like me. :lol: They are little clones of DH. I'm the first person to joke about it though. I always say how they all look like DH and how people must think I'm their nanny. If you look closely at DS9 and DD and not just the surface stats, you can see my features. Luckily, they did get my yellower skin tone instead of DH's rosy skin tone, so they don't burn, despite having light features. My skin tone is all DS6 seems to have gotten from me. He is exactly like DH in every other way. Thank goodness DH is so doggone handsome. :tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

.

[Alte Veste Academy]

My recommendation is to keep having kids until you get a duplicate. :rofl:

 

Our children all look so much alike and just like DH that when we were considering having a 4th child, I was honestly concerned that if we did, that baby would come out looking exactly like me and it would be like one of those four-square situations on Sesame Street. "One of these things is not like the others. Which one is different? Do you know?" I worried that kid would get a complex.

[Clear Creek]

My oldest child looked quite a bit like her father and nothing like me when she was an infant (she still does, the only feature she inherited from me is her hair, which she had none of as a baby). When I took her places without my husband (like to the store or the library) I was often asked if I was babysitting her because they could see no resemblance between the two of us. I actually had people look at me with disbelief when I said that I was her mother! Umm...I distinctly remember giving birth to her, lol!

[Soror]

I have 3 daughters, one really white headed/ greenish/greyish eyes and another just blonde/blue eyes. The baby it is too soon to tell but so far is light brown. I'm very dark brown hair w/ dark eyes and a darker complexion. My blonde daughter has a similar face shape and a darker complexion but doesn't resemble me very much at all. Dd2- super blonde, doesn't bare resemblance to either of us at all. I think the baby might look more like me with the brown hair and she also seems to have a bit darker complexion.

[gardenmom5]

my bil looked like mil's armenian father. bil was olive-skin, black hair, dark brown eyes. different build than the rest of the family too. (in contrast, dh is red-headed (still!!! he is barely gray at the temples! I have more gray than him!), blue eyed, fair. their sisters are in-between even though one sil's features are *just* like their armenian great-grandmother. she just has average coloring)

 

they often had people asking -who's that kid that hangs out with the ___ family?

 

Miss Manners gave the suggestion (well, she said she'd understand if the mother didn't want to say this ;p) to a mother whose husband was asian and was again pregnant and people were asking if she'd adopted and was able to get pregnant - put your hands over the child's ears and say "shh, my husband thinks our daughter looks just like him".

 

 

the most dramatic I saw was an article in a newspaperabout an african family living in the UK with no caucasion in their background - and had a white baby. she literally looked like a cherub doll. if she didn't move, you'd think she was an expensive idyllic blue-eyed blonde babydoll. and she's not an albino.

 

eta: apparently, there was another case in UK.

[TravelingChris]

Okay, now here are really stupid questions. Not only do my kids look like they could be my kids (we all have similar light skin, similar eye color, hair close enough in color, etc) but dh and I also have similar hair color, eye color and skin color. It was similar enough, though we can surely see we don't look alike, that some stupids used to think that dh and I were brother and sister. Okay, now you have the picture. Most people can tell the kids are ours. But I have had some truly stupids ask dh (strawberry blond) and me (auburn) how we ended up with dd (more true red)? I mean if neither of us were red headed, maybe I could understand the question but strawberry blond means blond and red, and auburn is basically dark red with brown. There was one Park Ranger in NYC who saw our whole family and she was actually smart. She could tell we were all redheads in some way- ds has a red beard, one dd is a beautiful wheat blonde (dark blond with some red and a bit of brown mixed in) and then of course, red red girl.

 

I have long ago stopped wondering how some people are so stupid. If nothing else, maybe they could have noticed pet reproduction= you can have black dogs give birth to yellow dogs or black and white or all sorts of colors. I am sure it goes the other way too, depending on fathers. Truly dumb questions and I think it is plainly rude to ask. There is a older couple, older by probably five to ten years from us, who have with them a young girl (maybe 7 or 8 at the max) each week at church and also on Wednesday nights. I have no idea whether she is their granddaugher, adopted, or if the wife had a first kid almost at fifty. I haven't asked and am not going to ask. WHy>? Because it is rude and my curiosity is no reason to upset anyone. I have no idea why so many others think their own curiosity should reign supreme.

[gardenmom5]

my own kids are very much a mix. two lean towards me, two lean towards dh and dudeling is the spitting image of his siblings - it just changes which one. (when he was born, it was 1dd. Now it's 1ds - to the point people have cursorily assumed 1ds was his dad.) dh and I have similar coloring and build. so no dramtic differences in our offspring. the only questions about babies looks we ever had was - blonde or red? straight or curly. that was it.

[SKL]

So here's something I sometimes wonder. Is it rude to say "your child looks like you"? I mean, there are many possibilities out there, and maybe there is no bio connection even though there appears to be. Sometimes I have said "I can see you in her" or the like and then wondered if I've put my foot in my mouth.

[MedicMom]

Interestingly, my grandparents tried for ten years to have kids. They then adopted my uncle, who, though not biological, looked exactly like them. He has my grandfather's tall and skinny body type and his skin, hair, and coloring were dark, exactly like my Eastern European grandmother. Another six years goes by and surprise--after sixteen years of marriage she's pregnant with my dad. My blue eyed, blond haired, not too tall dad.

 

In that family, if you had guessed which child was biological and which was adopted, you would have been wrong. This is why I don't comment on people's families and maybe am so astonished when people ask me about my kids.

[MooCow]

All the time!!!! My mom got it when I was little & my dad and step-mom get it

the rare times they are with their grandkids.....

My mother is fair, and my brother and I both married fair people.

 

My bro's son is blond with blue eyes, (looks just like my bro but for coloring)

My boys both have blue eyes, one has light brown hair and tans nicely, but glows

in the winter he's so pale; the other has dark hair and a "swarthy" complextion

that came about during late puberty, and my sweet daughter has brown eyes, and

light brown hair that turns blond the second sun touches it.

People who just meet me always want to know my heritage; usually I get

people who try to speak Spanish to me; it's really annoying because I live in

the South now, and some make it an "issue".

 

I get asked all the time "where did your boy get his big blue eyes from?"

and other like comments. I used to reply "from his Daddy" but depending

on my mood, and who and how they are asking

I now reply, "from me of course!" :laugh:

[HS Mom in NC]

I have red hair and green eyes. My oldest kid (17) as blond hair and green eyes. My middle kid (15) has very dark brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles. They're my bio kids and my husband is their bio dad. My youngest (7) is a Korean adoptee with medium golden brown skin, black eyes and black hair. My husband has brown hair (that he shaves off) blue eyes, and freckles. When it's me with the kids, people occasionally ask since it's obvious one is adopted and the other two don't look like me. Kids have asked the older two before and after we adopted.

 

I simply smile like I'm flattered and say, "Oh no, two are biological, one's adopted-I forget which one. " Before we adopted the youngest, people asked sometimes or they said, "Your kids don't look anything like you." None of that is offensive. It's a simple factual observation. So I respond to it that way. I say matter of factually, "They don't do they? That one looks just like my husband's sister and my brother had a baby together. That one look just like my husband's side of the family. Genetics sure is a crap shoot, huh?"

 

Not to be mean, but please don't EVER respond to the adoption question or implication as if it's offensive. Adoption isn't a bad word. It's a good thing. If someone is asking, they may just have questions about adoption. It happens to me all the time. People timidly ask if they or my youngest is adopted, and when I say yes, they want to know more details because they're considering it or know someone who is and want to be informed.

 

A new kid in the neighborhood said to my oldest, pointing to my middle kid, "She's your sister? You don't look anything alike." She responded, "You should see my other sister."

 

When the adoption agency interviewed my older two kids before matching us to our youngest they were asked, "So how will you feel about having a family member that doesn't look like you?" The oldest (8 at the time) said, "Well, the baby will fit right in. No one in this family looks like each other."

 

My three kids and my daughter's best friend (a tan, blue eyed, red head) were shopping together. The cashier asked me if they were all mine. I said, "No, one's on loan for the day." The cashier said, "Ummmmm....so the red head is yours, which one isn't?" I said, "Oh, I'd take the red head in a heartbeat, but she's not mine."

 

My husband's sister (the one who my oldest looked like as a little girl) has a daughter that looks just like me and is the same age as my youngest. At his sister's MIL's funeral a total stranger said to me, "Well, it's obvious that little red head is yours. She's beautiful." I said, "Oh no, she's my niece. She is cute isn't she? No, that cute little Asian girl she's playing with is my youngest and those two teenagers over there are mine."

 

When I was little someone at church said to my step-dad in reference to me, "Your daughter has your eyes." He smiled with pride and said, "She does, doesn't she." He didn't feel the need to go into the fact that I get my green eyes from both my mother and my biological father that I have always had a relationship with. Way to go, Dad. (I call both my dad and step-dad "Dad.")

[catz]

Both my kids started their lives with much lighter hair (I have very dark hair, but it was bordering blonde in my kindergarten picture and it was even lighter when I was younger). My kids still have lighter hair, and people still occasionally ask about it. Weird. If people's hair didn't darken and/or gray as they age, not nearly as many people would color their hair. People also ask me if I color my hair on a fairly regular basis because it's very dark and I have no gray at 42. LOL - no, I'm lucky if I brush my hair.

 

Anyway, your children are very young. I got more of this kind of stuff when my kids were smaller. For some reason this topic seems to really fascinate people when they see a baby or toddler. Hopefully the stupid questions will taper as they get a little older!

[Crimson Wife]

Oldest DD is a mini-me, and youngest DD apparently looks like FIL's sister did when she was young. When I'm out with just the two girls, I've gotten asked if they have different fathers. I can't believe the rudeness of some people. :glare:

[SunnyDays]

Genetics really is a crapshoot, and it always amuses me how people can be so shocked. That said, ALL the men in DH's family look alike... him, his nephews, his dad, and his uncles. Not identical, but line them up and it's obvious they're all related. So when we found out we were having a boy, it was widely assumed that DS would look exactly like the lot of them.

 

Well... he doesn't. He looks just like my side of the family, he bears a strong resemblance to me and an even stronger one to my brother. :)

[bobbeym]

MedicMom, if you're truly concerned about the comments causing your DS to feel insecure, I would encourage you to do some research into your genealogy with the kids. Even if you only learn what countries you're ancestors are from, you can use it to point out that DS gets this from AB and Q lineage, whereas DD got hers from XYZ. Then if people comment and he doesn't feel like giving them an icy state, he can simply tell them that he takes after his AB and Q relatives.

 

We had do something like that with our boys b/c there is such a mixture of cultures at work.

 

My mom says I'm a good mix of my Norwegian and German relatives, with very fair skin, and dark brown hair and eyes.

DH has brown hair and hazel eyes with light skin, from his great-x4 Spanish and English grandparents.

DS19 looks Comanche Indian with dark brown hair and olive toned skin, but has amazing blue gray eyes.

DS14 looks' are all Irish with copper hair, very pale ruddy complexion, lots of freckles, and brown eyes.

 

Since we have a Hispanic last name, rude people tend to assume that DS14 must be the red-headed stepchild when they see him. He's learned to simply glare at the rudeness and say that he looks just like his great-grandpa.

 

I can't wait until DS19 has kids. DIL2B is of predominately German/Irish ancestry so we're hoping to see a lot more red-heads in the future.

[TranquilMind]

...and do you get a lot of questions about it?

 

DH and I are both green/brown eyed with brown hair with a darker caucasian complexion Our son is super blond and dark blue eyes and light skin. DD is brown hair brown eyes.

 

I just got asked for the thousandth time if he was adopted or not DHs.

 

 

Anyone else run into this? How do you answer or do you just tell people it isn't any of their business? I hear it a lot and I don't want it to give DS any insecurity growing up.

Any

 

My kids look exactly like my spouse and myself, because we look like each other. Kids looked like twins for awhile, when they were the same size.

 

BUT, I grew up in a family like yours. I was the only blonde with blue eyes, the child of a black-haired, dark eyed woman and her similarly colored husband. She told everyone she WAS going to have a blonde haired, blue-eyed little girl some day and they laughed at her. She did. The others all had dark or red hair, and dark eyes.

 

We joked that we must be the mailman's kids....but then, my dad was a mailman.

 

I did briefly wonder if I was adoped at around 11 or so, but I got over it. The personality traits were all there.

[SKL]

There were times in my youth when I actually hoped I was adopted, but alas, no.

[MedicMom]

OP here...if DS truly ever doubts his heritage, I will hand him a photo of my dad as a boy. Spitting image. My dad's hair didn't darken so it wouldn't be a total surprise if DS stays blond. I can see these comments making him wonder if they keep up as he gets older, and I just don't want him to feel bad.

 

Maybe I am overreacting. I just get annoyed with perfect strangers asking personal questions.

[Chelli]

...and do you get a lot of questions about it?

 

DH and I are both green/brown eyed with brown hair with a darker caucasian complexion Our son is super blond and dark blue eyes and light skin. DD is brown hair brown eyes.

 

I just got asked for the thousandth time if he was adopted or not DHs.

 

 

Anyone else run into this? How do you answer or do you just tell people it isn't any of their business? I hear it a lot and I don't want it to give DS any insecurity growing up.

Any

 

I'd probably whip out a Punett Square and explain Dominant/recessive genes and how you can have two people that display dominant gene for eyes and hair (brown and brown) but still carry the recessive gene for blond and blue, thus leading to children that could possibly have the blond and blue combination if the recessive genes from both parents combine.

 

Hopefully they would just stand there looking dumbfounded, then you could put your paper with your Punett Square back in your purse, smile, and walk away.

 

You could do this in a serious way so that your son understands that scientifically just because he looks very different he is still your biological son despite what rude people say.