Leaving, but not gone yet, and panic attacks...

[Harriet Vane]

Thanks for the update Julie. It's a painful path for you. Many of us may have ideas, but only you can find the answers for yourself and your children. I pray God gives you wisdom and shows you the truth, whatever that may be. Continuing in prayer for you. :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

Oh, and ladies, this is why I said I wasn't quilt-worthy yet.

(But when/if I *do* become quilt-worthy, I love blue and ivory. ;) )

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

and more

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

background:

a) i am divorced and remarried. there were elements to the divorce i chose to not make public. the choice was very clear. it was very clear to everyone else, too.... just not for the same reasons.

B) friends of the family. the father had an affair. my dad confronted him about it. my mom supported the wife. the father decided he should go no-contact with the other woman. the wife decided that she would choose to forgive him and to trust him. the marriage lasted for fifty years, and was good.

c) my mom and dad divorced after their 40th wedding anniversary. she decided that she could forgive him if he could repent. he did. and then couldn't resist. in the end, he left. this happened after much prayer on her part. she felt forgiveness was something she could offer. and offer more than once. but not forever. it would be good for you to be clear in your own heart and mind if this is an option for you. (but perhaps not for the brother and/or church).

 

i may be way off, but from reading what you've posted, is it possible that

dh strayed, and perhaps strayed again, and had a secret cell phone and visited with this woman

 

but

 

that that is over now. you mentioned the discoveries being 4 months ago.

 

if so, is it possible dh can come to the place where he realizes that he must go no contact with this woman?

is it possible he can do that?

 

and if so, is it possible for you to find within yourself the trust to carry on? would it be healthy for you? for him?

if so, then a polygraph test might help. if not, then its unlikely to be much use, because its about what you can bring yourself to believe, and how to behave out of that belief, not about what is true or untrue.

 

i just think its remotely possible that he did somethings that were dreadful, battled himself out of it, and is now paying the price for something he did, but has amended. that may be just and right. but it may also not be necessary. only you can figure that out.

 

or maybe i just haven't had nearly enough coffee this morning.

 

:grouphug: only you can know. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

ann

[Catwoman]

OK, here's my problem with all of this.

 

The more delays there are before Julie's dh moves out of the house, the more time there will be for Julie to second-guess her decisions about her dh, and the more time he will have to convince her that maybe, possibly, he wasn't lying and he wasn't cheating on her. I think she needs to get him out of the house ASAP, so she can get some space and have some time to think things over and figure out exactly what she wants to do -- without any influence from her dh.

 

Julie, I can read in your posts that you would like to disbelieve your BIL, and that you are somehow hoping your church can help. You want to believe that your dh didn't cheat on you, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

 

So I have to ask you one question. Do you want to stay in the marriage with your dh? Because I'm getting the impression that you just might.

 

It's not the choice I would make, because from where I'm sitting, he's a lying, cheating weasel who has treated you like dirt for a very long time. I think he wants to stay in the marriage because he knows that if you kick him to the curb, he will have to financially support you and your kids, and that won't leave him much money left over for all the dating he has been accustomed to doing while you were home with the kids.

 

Look, I know you're scared. But I also think you need to make a decision and stick with it. Who cares what the church thinks? Who cares if your dh repents in front of the church? He's still the same lying, cheating weasel who's only carry because he got caught.

 

And what's up with the stupid polygraph thing? Are you really willing to believe the results? Don't you view this as just one more way that your dh is trying to manipulate your emotions?

 

I know I sound horrible and harsh and that I will probably get flamed for this, but please stop trying to find a way to make your dh be innocent of the things you know he did. You can't rewrite history, and you shouldn't let him try to do it, either. If you want to live with a lying, cheating, non-repentant husband, and pray that he will change his ways, that is your decision. But remember that if you allow him to stay, you need to be sure you're not going to spend the rest of your life constantly wondering where he is and who he's with, every single time he leaves the house.

 

Only you can decide if you can live that way. Personally, I couldn't do it.

 

You're a good person, Julie, and you're stronger than you think you are. You don't deserve to be treated poorly. You don't deserve lame excuses and denials. You don't deserve to be cheated on and lied to. You deserve to be happy and to not spend your life worrying about whether or not your dh is cheating on you.

[DianeW88]

I think you've got a good idea/plan/grip/whatever on what you will/need to do! Keep your chin up.

 

 

I agree. Thank you for the clarification. That does paint things in a bit of a different light. I'm praying for you every day.

[FaithManor]

Julie,

 

Thanks for the update.

 

As your sister in the Lord, I will give you whatever virtual support I can and of course lift you up in prayer no matter what decision you make.

 

However, I do want to caution you about the polygraph results. Polygraphs are not admissable in court in many, many states. The reason for this is that adept liars really can fool them. The longer one believes a lie, the longer one maintains a lie, the longer one lives with a lie, the less they will physically react to telling that lie. Thus, if the offender has been lying for several months, he/she is becomes capable of telling the story very calmly without tripping the polygraph. Polygraphs are best done very soon after the incident.

 

Please do not make a decision based on the outcome of a polygraph at this stage of the situation.

 

Hopefully, one of our laywer Hive members will see this and explain further. I only know what I know based on conversations with the retired sheriff down the street. Those that are actively involved in legal practice should be able to give you a better explanation.

 

Faith

[pdalley]

My cheating ex passed a polygraph. If a person believes what he says then they are basically useless. He is convinced he is not lying so the machine cannot pick it up.

 

Julie, a leopard very seldom changes its spots. I wish I could say I haven't been here before but I have. The man was a consummate liar and I'd of probably continued to believe him if I hadn't just made a clean break from him. It would be pouring rain outside and the man would swear the sun was shining.

 

I am praying for you. Please do not trust a polygraph. I speak from experience. My worst fears were confirmed when I got a phone call from the Dr. that proved he was cheating on me. Praise God it was not something that could not be treated but it is a real danger.

[Liz CA]

Besides seeing a professional (very good!), do you have a dear female friend IRL you can call at any hour, day or night?

[Mrs Mungo]

I find your comment about feminine discomforts a little alarming. I hope it is just cramps. If it is more than that, go to the doctor now. Do not wait. I beg of you.

[Julie in CA]

I find your comment about feminine discomforts a little alarming. I hope it is just cramps. If it is more than that, go to the doctor now. Do not wait. I beg of you.

It's ok...just normal monthly routine.

[Julie in CA]

My cheating ex passed a polygraph. If a person believes what he says then they are basically useless. He is convinced he is not lying so the machine cannot pick it up.

 

Julie, a leopard very seldom changes its spots. I wish I could say I haven't been here before but I have. The man was a consummate liar and I'd of probably continued to believe him if I hadn't just made a clean break from him. It would be pouring rain outside and the man would swear the sun was shining.

 

I am praying for you. Please do not trust a polygraph. I speak from experience. My worst fears were confirmed when I got a phone call from the Dr. that proved he was cheating on me. Praise God it was not something that could not be treated but it is a real danger.

Thank you. This is helpful, and I'll keep it in the forefront of my mind over the next couple of days.

[Remudamom]

Ha! I bet my dad could pass a polygraph test any day of the week. But I'd still know he was lying. I love dad, but he's in complete denial about all his affairs.

[AHASRADA]

Not that I have any experience in these matters, but I would think it would be wise to keep a close eye on all financial accounts. If her dh has been given notice that she is likely kicking him out, and yet he is still "in the picture", this limbo gives him time to empty accounts, change documents, etc. that could leave her at a financial disadvantage.

 

I had a friend who, together with her dh, had opened a line of credit on their house, but agreed not to touch it (there for emergencies). After he left her, she discovered he had taken a lot of money from this line of credit, and she was equally responsible because both their names were on the loan. He can easily empty joint bank accounts if she hasn't taken legal action to stop him.

 

Just an angle I hadn't seen addressed that it would be wise to keep an eye on. So sorry for your situation, Julie.

[Juniper]

Hugs!!!!! Lots and lots of hugs!!!!!

 

I have walked the other side of this, as a PW, and I have never seen a case where the eventual full truth was worse than what is originally confessed to. In light of that, please....please...trust your gut!!!! Trust that God is speaking to you, leading you to the knowledge of the truth. The truth is not often pretty, but true healing and wholeness is found through it.

 

No matter what you have my support! ((((((hugs)))))

[Danestress]

Thank you. This is helpful, and I'll keep it in the forefront of my mind over the next couple of days.

 

 

Hey, I wonder if you are feeling "over advised" by us right now. I hope not. I hope you feel loved and supported.

 

I do want to say that you might want to talk to an attorney about how to handle this period before and during separation. A lot of time people don't go see attorneys until much later in the process. But there are things you can do to protect yourself and your ability to support yourself. Often times there are better and worse ways to handle the process of getting the other person to move out, agreeing on temporary financial issues etc. I'm not suggesting that this is or should be all about the financial end, but it would be smart to go get a consultation sooner rather than later, and start to think about these issues.

 

I've been praying for you Julie. I hope that however things work out, it will be the best thing for you and your children.

[Tammyla]

(((Julie)))

 

I hope you find some peace soon. And send support youy way, no matter the road you choose.

[jenL]

Not that I have any experience in these matters, but I would think it would be wise to keep a close eye on all financial accounts. If her dh has been given notice that she is likely kicking him out, and yet he is still "in the picture", this limbo gives him time to empty accounts, change documents, etc. that could leave her at a financial disadvantage.

 

I had a friend who, together with her dh, had opened a line of credit on their house, but agreed not to touch it (there for emergencies). After he left her, she discovered he had taken a lot of money from this line of credit, and she was equally responsible because both their names were on the loan. He can easily empty joint bank accounts if she hasn't taken legal action to stop him.

 

Just an angle I hadn't seen addressed that it would be wise to keep an eye on. So sorry for your situation, Julie.

 

:iagree: My father did this to my mother. My dad also, to this day, still believes he did nothing wrong despite losing family members, friends, his wife, jobs, church support. He left us in 1995. My dad can lie with the best of them. Please keep that in your mind, Julie, and as others have said... your gut speaks volumes. That gut is the Holy Spirit guiding you to the truth.

 

I'm still praying for you and will support you no matter what. I just come from a jaded place because of my dad, so I tend to really err on the side of caution. Many, many :grouphug: to you.

[Melissa in Australia]

no advice just lots and lots of hugs. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

no advice just lots and lots of hugs. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Pink and Green Mom]

 

 

I do want to say that you might want to talk to an attorney about how to handle this period before and during separation. A lot of time people don't go see attorneys until much later in the process. But there are things you can do to protect yourself and your ability to support yourself. Often times there are better and worse ways to handle the process of getting the other person to move out, agreeing on temporary financial issues etc. I'm not suggesting that this is or should be all about the financial end, but it would be smart to go get a consultation sooner rather than later, and start to think about these issues.

 

I've been praying for you Julie. I hope that however things work out, it will be the best thing for you and your children.

 

 

As a lawyer, I wholeheartedly agree with this.

 

Hugs to you during this difficult time.

[Catwoman]

 

 

 

Hey, I wonder if you are feeling "over advised" by us right now. I hope not. I hope you feel loved and supported.

 

I do want to say that you might want to talk to an attorney about how to handle this period before and during separation. A lot of time people don't go see attorneys until much later in the process. But there are things you can do to protect yourself and your ability to support yourself. Often times there are better and worse ways to handle the process of getting the other person to move out, agreeing on temporary financial issues etc. I'm not suggesting that this is or should be all about the financial end, but it would be smart to go get a consultation sooner rather than later, and start to think about these issues.

 

I've been praying for you Julie. I hope that however things work out, it will be the best thing for you and your children.

 

:iagree:

 

I'd assumed she had already consulted an attorney, since so many people have suggested it in the past, but I'm glad it has been posted again on this thread, because it is absolutely crucial that Julie know her legal rights, and be prepared for all possible outcomes.

 

I would strongly suspect that her dh has already spoken with an attorney and discovered that his financial responsibilities will be substantial, and that's a big part of why he wants to save the marriage --- because from what we've heard about him, he certainly doesn't seem to love or respect her at all, so he must have another motive... and money can be a very big motivator.

[Scarlett]

I think the polygraph is more accurate than people think it is.

 

Hugs and more hugs Julie.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Catwoman, I get your POV, but do you see how your very harsh words might add to Julie's distress rather than relieve it? Advising consultation with a lawyer is reasonable. The rest is just hurtful.

[texasmama]

:grouphug: Julie, you are a wise lady, and I believe that you will make good decisions one day at a time, even in a hard place with ever-changing variables. Support and prayers coming your way.

[Catwoman]

Catwoman, I get your POV, but do you see how your very harsh words might add to Julie's distress rather than relieve it? Advising consultation with a lawyer is reasonable. The rest is just hurtful.

 

We have been hearing about Julie's dh for quite some time now, and judging by what Julie has told us about him, he has been nothing but disrespectful and deceitful. He has lied and he has cheated, and he has shown no real remorse.

 

Julie deserves better. She is not at fault here. All of my criticism has been directed toward her dh, not toward her. She has gone way above and beyond the call of duty to try to save her marriage. She has tried so very hard, yet her dh has not appreciated anything she has done, and he has played her for a fool. I'm sorry, but I can't excuse that.

 

So if it sounds like I'm being too harsh, please know that I posted what I did because I believe it is absolutely crucial that Julie realize how terribly her dh has treated her, and also to realize that none of it is her fault. She deserves a husband who thinks of her well-being and worries about her feelings and emotions, and her current dh doesn't measure up.

 

And FWIW, I don't think he is treating Julie so poorly because of anything she has done -- I think he's just a self-centered jerk who thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants and to cheat on his wife, and she's supposed to believe his lies and stay with him, anyway.

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Alte Veste Academy]

We have been hearing about Julie's dh for quite some time now, and judging by what Julie has told us about him, he has been nothing but disrespectful and deceitful. He has lied and he has cheated, and he has shown no real remorse.

 

Julie deserves better. She is not at fault here. All of my criticism has been directed toward her dh, not toward her. She has gone way above and beyond the call of duty to try to save her marriage. She has tried so very hard, yet her dh has not appreciated anything she has done, and he has played her for a fool. I'm sorry, but I can't excuse that.

 

So if it sounds like I'm being too harsh, please know that I posted what I did because I believe it is absolutely crucial that Julie realize how terribly her dh has treated her, and also to realize that none of it is her fault. She deserves a husband who thinks of her well-being and worries about her feelings and emotions, and her current dh doesn't measure up.

 

And FWIW, I don't think he is treating Julie so poorly because of anything she has done -- I think he's just a self-centered jerk who thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants and to cheat on his wife, and she's supposed to believe his lies and stay with him, anyway.

 

I am aware of the history here. Still, she is raw right now. And in limbo, seeking prayer while she makes hard choices. For herself. For her kids. What you wrote in the post above mine just seemed a bit...sob-inducing, like a kick in the gut. At a time when she needs comfort, it made me hurt for her to have to read those words.

 

ETA: In an earlier thread, I remember encouraging Julie to get mad. I think she had and has lots of reasons to be furious and hurt. Do not misunderstand me! I am simply saying I felt it was a case of rubbing salt in her wound. Out of respect for Julie and to keep her thread from closing, I think we should agree to disagree.

 

Julie, as someone posted above, I hope you don't feel that you are swimming in advice. You are a smart cookie and know your situation and needs best. I am praying for the best, whatever that may be. There is no judgment, whatever your decision. It is not for us to presume to know better than you. :grouphug:

[Forget-Me-Not]

I've got to agree with AVA. Cat, totally respect you and I agree with 98% of what you post around here, but that post kind of had me saying, "ouch!" on Julie's behalf too.

 

Julie, hope you and your family are feeling better soon--in every way.

[Heatherwith4]

Yeah, sorry Cat, but I agree with the others. I don't think you had anything but good intentions, though.

[Saddlemomma]

For what it's worth, I've been there. My first dh left me & then 9 YO dd for another woman. Well, actually, he told me we could stay married, but he'd just move in and live with the other girl (who was 19; he was 46 at the time and I was 35). I ended up kicking him out.

 

Even with all that had happened, I felt so alone and overwhelmed: how would my job support my daughter and me; how would I pay the mortgage; how could I sell the house with him still on the mortgage. I panicked too, but I was also angry. I think my anger kept me from going over the edge. However, at night, in bed alone, I was bereft. I felt I would never find someone who would ever just love me for being me. I faced living alone for the rest of my days once my dd graduated. It was a terrifying thought. I didn't want to be alone.

 

So, one night, (keep in mind this was 14 years ago and before I was a Christian) I just started praying to God. I asked Him to please send me someone who would love me for simply being me. Two weeks later I met my current dh on a blind date. My divorce wasn't finalized and we agreed that both of us just wanted someone to pal around with. You know, go to the movies, dinner, whatever. He actually went to my divorce hearing with me.

 

On January 1st, we celebrated our 12th anniversary and just a couple months earlier, we celebrated our dd's 10th birthday. This man was an answer to prayer. We are soul mates. I now know what God means when He said that "two shall become one flesh". I never knew that this is what marriage was supposed to be like. It's so totally different -- a miracle. I thank God constantly for sending me the best man I could ever hope for.

 

I don't know you, your situation, or who was right and who was wrong; that's none of my business. But I can tell you that your heart will mend. This pain is just for a season, and you will make it and move on. God is always there for us to lean on and I'm an example of the fact that He does answer prayer; just no always the way we want Him to.

 

You never know, maybe....just maybe something better lies at the end of this period in your life.

 

I will keep you in my prayers.

[Catwoman]

I hope Julie knows that I would never intentionally try to hurt her, but I honestly believe that this isn't something that should be sugar-coated or minimized or phrased delicately, because as horrible as it sounds, she needs that kick in the gut.

 

I know it sounds awful, but she is trying to come to terms with what her dh has done, and right now, he's still living in the house with her. The longer he stays, the more it will become "the new normal," if she doesn't keep reminding herself exactly what he has done and how he has treated her. She has let him get away with so much garbage in the past, so I'm guessing that he may be a fairly persuasive guy, and that's why I have posted as I have.

 

She is such a sweet person, and her dh has taken advantage of her kind nature for way too long. So I call the guy as I see him -- not to hurt Julie, but to be sure she knows that she should be looking out for herself and her kids, because I am quite certain that her dh is looking out for his own interests above all else.

 

I know some of us disagree about the way I have posted here, but I do think we all want the best for Julie, even if our methods differ, so hopefully she will know that we all mean well and that we will support her and hope that everything works out for her, whatever she ends up deciding to do.

[Alte Veste Academy]

:grouphug: Julie.

[Catwoman]

For what it's worth, I've been there. My first dh left me & then 9 YO dd for another woman. Well, actually, he told me we could stay married, but he'd just move in and live with the other girl (who was 19; he was 46 at the time and I was 35). I ended up kicking him out.

 

Even with all that had happened, I felt so alone and overwhelmed: how would my job support my daughter and me; how would I pay the mortgage; how could I sell the house with him still on the mortgage. I panicked too, but I was also angry. I think my anger kept me from going over the edge. However, at night, in bed alone, I was bereft. I felt I would never find someone who would ever just love me for being me. I faced living alone for the rest of my days once my dd graduated. It was a terrifying thought. I didn't want to be alone.

 

So, one night, (keep in mind this was 14 years ago and before I was a Christian) I just started praying to God. I asked Him to please send me someone who would love me for simply being me. Two weeks later I met my current dh on a blind date. My divorce wasn't finalized and we agreed that both of us just wanted someone to pal around with. You know, go to the movies, dinner, whatever. He actually went to my divorce hearing with me.

 

On January 1st, we celebrated our 12th anniversary and just a couple months earlier, we celebrated our dd's 10th birthday. This man was an answer to prayer. We are soul mates. I now know what God means when He said that "two shall become one flesh". I never knew that this is what marriage was supposed to be like. It's so totally different -- a miracle. I thank God constantly for sending me the best man I could ever hope for.

 

I don't know you, your situation, or who was right and who was wrong; that's none of my business. But I can tell you that your heart will mend. This pain is just for a season, and you will make it and move on. God is always there for us to lean on and I'm an example of the fact that He does answer prayer; just no always the way we want Him to.

 

You never know, maybe....just maybe something better lies at the end of this period in your life.

 

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

Wow. When I read the first part of your post, I couldn't even imagine how awful things must have been for you. What a shock -- and what a rotten attitude he had about the whole thing! :angry: (How did your ex's midlife crisis end up working out for him? :glare: I can't help but hope that the 19 year old ditched him for a younger guy!)

 

I was so happy to read that everything turned out so beautifully. Your story is very lovely and inspiring. :)

[pdalley]

I was very glad someone cared about me enough to sit me down and tell me in rather harsh terms that I needed to remove myself from my ex. For what it is worth. Plenty of people tried to be gentle about it but it took the phone call from the Doctor and someone telling me that this guy was a complete and total loser who cared about nothing but keeping himself and his life comfortable for me to face up and kick him out of my life. I don't think Catwoman is trying to be hurtful. Just my two cents as someone who was cheated on repeatedly until I was forced to face he would never change.

[Catwoman]

 

 

Well now you have just jumped the gap from hurtful to condescending. Not to mention omniscient.

 

:confused: :confused: :confused:

 

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. :confused:

 

You seem to be getting very angry with me, but I have no idea why.

 

I thought we were agreeing to disagree, but I guess you changed your mind about that.

 

I hope we can just let this go, because bickering between ourselves doesn't seem particularly productive, and all I can figure is that we are viewing this whole situation from two entirely different angles.

 

Whatever the case, I'm sorry if I have offended you, because I really respect you and I usually agree with your posts. I didn't realize we were so far apart on this issue, but again, I truly didn't mean to offend or upset you (or Julie, for that matter.)

 

Can we agree to disagree now?

[Alte Veste Academy]

I was very glad someone cared about me enough to sit me down and tell me in rather harsh terms that I needed to remove myself from my ex. For what it is worth. Plenty of people tried to be gentle about it but it took the phone call from the Doctor and someone telling me that this guy was a complete and total loser who cared about nothing but keeping himself and his life comfortable for me to face up and kick him out of my life. I don't think Catwoman is trying to be hurtful. Just my two cents as someone who was cheated on repeatedly until I was forced to face he would never change.

 

Presumably these were people who knew you and the situation personally? I will never understand iOmniscience myself.

[Catwoman]

I was very glad someone cared about me enough to sit me down and tell me in rather harsh terms that I needed to remove myself from my ex. For what it is worth. Plenty of people tried to be gentle about it but it took the phone call from the Doctor and someone telling me that this guy was a complete and total loser who cared about nothing but keeping himself and his life comfortable for me to face up and kick him out of my life. I don't think Catwoman is trying to be hurtful. Just my two cents as someone who was cheated on repeatedly until I was forced to face he would never change.

 

 

Thank you so much, Peggy. That is exactly what I was trying to do, but apparently I kind of messed it up. :(

[Rosie_0801]

Divorcing women need blunt friends sometimes. We tend to try and find some way of it being our fault. Some way that we were unreasonable because, well, I don't know why. Partly we are brought up that way, partly because if something is our fault we have the power to change it, partly because turning on ourselves prevents us committing domestic violence and breaking his skull with frying pan.

 

My self esteem has a rebellious streak that doesn't allow it to be completely mooshed into the carpet yet I found myself thinking that I must be high maintenance for thinking a chap should feed me properly when I was pregnant or sick. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Feeling entitled to the most basic things of life makes a person high maintenance? I expressed that thought to my brother and he burst out laughing right in my face.

 

Julie needs to be particularly careful to protect herself from that sort of silliness because she's part of a subculture that prizes being the bigger person. Being the bigger person and extending grace is good to a point. But there is a point where it, for practical purposes of physical and emotional health at the very least, crosses a line from virtue to a fault.

 

It is hard to make a decision on such an emotional issue from a place of health when one is anything but emotionally healthy.

[Catwoman]

Divorcing women need blunt friends sometimes. We tend to try and find some way of it being our fault. Some way that we were unreasonable because, well, I don't know why. Partly we are brought up that way, partly because if something is our fault we have the power to change it, partly because turning on ourselves prevents us committing domestic violence and breaking his skull with frying pan.

 

My self esteem has a rebellious streak that doesn't allow it to be completely mooshed into the carpet yet I found myself thinking that I must be high maintenance for thinking a chap should feed me properly when I was pregnant or sick. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? Feeling entitled to the most basic things of life makes a person high maintenance? I expressed that thought to my brother and he burst out laughing right in my face.

 

Julie needs to be particularly careful to protect herself from that sort of silliness because she's part of a subculture that prizes being the bigger person. Being the bigger person and extending grace is good to a point. But there is a point where it, for practical purposes of physical and emotional health at the very least, crosses a line from virtue to a fault.

 

It is hard to make a decision on such an emotional issue from a place of health when one is anything but emotionally healthy.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[Moxie]

Let's just ALL assume that we're ALL trying to help Julie in the best way we know how. Hugs to everyone especially Julie. This is tough stuff and no one has a perfect answer.

[itsheresomewhere]

I think the polygraph is more accurate than people think it is.

 

Hugs and more hugs Julie.

 

 

 

They are not. One of the those evening news programs even had it on about how easily it is for someone to fool them. They are not allowed in lots of states to be used in court.

 

Really think about yourself and what you are worth to your kids and you. The hardest part of leaving is leaving. It does get better just like everyone says but I know it is hard to see right now. And like most of the others, if you haven't seen an attorney do so TODAY. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

Julie, all a polygraph will tell you is that he believes what he is saying. Which, he does, everyone already knows that.

 

Don't let your decision rest on a polygraph, they're junk.

[dtsmamtj]

Julie, all a polygraph will tell you is that he believes what he is saying. Which, he does, everyone already knows that.

 

Don't let your decision rest on a polygraph, they're junk.

 

 

:iagree:

 

:grouphug: and prayers for you.

[OK Family]

Hugs! Been thinking about you!

[atozmom]

Father God, i come to you to beg your love be poured out on Julie. Lord let her feel you in a very real way tonight. Give her your peace which passes understanding. Give her comfort, Lord, as only you can. Keep her strong for her children. Give her strength, courage, and discernment. I pray your blessings on our dear sister Julie. Help her feel the support of her fellow sisters. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

Julie, I continue to hold you before the throne. Please know that no matter how lonely you feel, you are NOT alone.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Agreeing with you in prayer Bethany. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this Julie. :grouphug:

 

I too, just recently became a single mom. It happened out of the blue, with no warning. He told me he was miserable one day and moved out of the house. Then 2 months later he up and moved across the country without even saying goodbye. To move in with his girlfriend that he met online no less.

 

I know our situations are not exactly the same, but I remember that helpless, hopeless I don't know if I can do this feeling. I just continued to take one day at a time. We both just recently signed the papers for the divorce, it will be filed soon. There are days that are still tough, but not like they were when it all first happened. God is getting us through. This is something that I repeat to myself all the time...

 

"God is my provider, refuge, strength and peace. I am never alone and never without help. I can do all things through Him because He strengthens me. His Grace is sufficient! Not only will He get us through this, but He will get us through shining on the other side!"

[Catwoman]

Julie, do you guys still have the flu, or are you feeling better now?

[Julie in CA]

Still sick, but just with fatigue and a horrible, wet cough. One of my sons is still pretty sick, and since it's been more than two weeks, I'm pretty sure it's time to take him to the doc. The problem is that I'm not sure where to take him. He's 18 now do the pediatrician won't see him, and it's notoriously difficult to find a family practice or general practice doc here. I guess urgent care would be the right place, but this is a young man who never goes to the doctor, and this might be the right time for him to ask about skin/acne problems, while he's already there for something more acute. I'd rather find a family doc for him, but not sure I have the motivation necessary to do the required "legwork". I really need to get him in though...

[Starr]

Will the ped see him one more time? or will your doctor see him? I'm sorry you are all so sick.

[Julie in CA]

I don't think the ped will, and I know my doc has not been accepting new patients for quite some time now. I may call and throw myself on her mercy, but even then, I see a female internal med, and I know ds would rather see a male doc. I might be overthinking this, but I find myself "stuck" on what to do about this.

[OK Family]

I don't have any answers. I have been keeping tabs on our story and was worried when I hadnt seen an update. Sorry their is still sickness going on!