If a friend SHOULDN'T homeschool...

[hlee]

Hi everyone,

 

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

This is not for myself personally, but I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in. If anyone has any resources or advice for someone in this predicament, I'd love to read your input!

 

Thanks!

[Jpoy85]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

[Paintedlady]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

 

:iagree: Unless there were some really extreme circumstances I agree.

[GAPeachie]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

 

 

:iagree:

[momtokea]

Unless the friend specifically asks me for advice I would mind my own business.

[justLisa]

Absolutely not. It is completely no ones business. And around here, even if you sat your kid in front of the TV all day you'd STILL be on par with some of the local schools.

 

I don't think this is the kind of article that even needs to be written. It's just going to give some crazy nosy bodies a list to consult and scrutinize people they know who home school.

[Tracy]

I would have to agree. If the there is a drug addiction, a mental illness, physical abuse or neglect, then an outside party can act on those situations without having to specifically judge a person's fitness to teach. The only person that ought to be making those sorts of judgments would be the other parent.

[Peaceful Isle]

I would have to agree. If the there is a drug addiction, a mental illness, physical abuse or neglect, then an outside party can act on those situations without having to specifically judge a person's fitness to teach. The only person that ought to be making those sorts of judgments would be the other parent.

:iagree:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I've only known one family that I felt was that poorly equipped to homeschool. They came to me for advice and help because they knew they were doing a poor job.

 

After learning more about their local school district and actually, personally, speaking with tutors at Kumon and Sylvan in their area, and after speaking with the director of K12 in their state, I came to the conclusion that the children were better off with their loving parents' worst attempts at hs'ing than they would be in school. So I started to help them learn to succeed at hs'ing, and they are doing much better. (Not just because of me. They proactively began to change many aspects of their home life to give more attention to homeschooling.)

 

I agree with Tracy and lisamarie: If there are abuse or neglect issues, school is the least of it and our society already has agencies to address abuse and neglect. In the absence of abuse or neglect, in a safe and loving home, many children are no worse off homeschooling. It's not true that going to school means you get an education. Not for many, many American children.

[CatholicMom]

I agree with the others. :tongue_smilie: I would personally refuse to write an article with that thesis. If it comes up in casual conversation or if they are asked, that's one thing, but it's not a good idea, in my opinion, to encourage people to butt into parents' lives & offer their 2-cents about how they should be educating their children and whether they are fit to homeschool.

 

A more appropriate thesis might be how to decide *for yourself* whether homeschooling might be right for your family.

 

I agree with lisamarie that this type of article is just what some people who are already critical of homeschooling will want to hear and give them the excuse they need to meddle in someone else's business.

 

Sorry for all the negative responses, but I would definitely re-think it.

[Crimson Wife]

Is this individual a relative or non-relative?

 

I *DO* think relatives should speak up if they feel homeschooling given the specific circumstances is not in the children's best interest. Now if it's just that the relatives are generally anti-HS, then they need to bite their tongues.

[Clear Creek]

I would have to agree. If the there is a drug addiction, a mental illness, physical abuse or neglect, then an outside party can act on those situations without having to specifically judge a person's fitness to teach. The only person that ought to be making those sorts of judgments would be the other parent.

:iagree: Unless a judge declared my friend an unfit parent, then it would not be my place to decide that they shouldn't home school. And if it were just a case of them doing a poor job at home schooling, then I doubt they would take my advice...if they really wanted to do a better job home schooling, then they already would be; nothing I could say would change that.

[CatholicMom]

And if it were just a case of them doing a poor job at home schooling, then I doubt they would take my advice...if they really wanted to do a better job home schooling, then they already would be; nothing I could say would change that.

 

Though I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they are struggling with homeschooling, and not just neglectful. I would just make sure they knew I was someone they could ask for help or advice if they wanted it. But telling them I think they are unfit for homeschooling, whether I was right or not, isn't my business.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be?

 

I had a friend who I believe should not homeschool because it affected her relationship with her children in a terribly negative way. She hated homeschooling (loved research, buying, and dreaming though) and she let them know she hated it. Every darn day. She acted like a martyr and made the kids feel like they should bow down to her every day because she was martyring herself this way for their benefit. Of course, this situation was to no one's benefit.

 

She thought she was being SuperMom by homeschooling. She told me that the idea of putting them back in school was embarrassing, both because they were behind and because people would know she had failed. She kept them home for too long (her words) because she didn't want people to think she couldn't do it. Like it or not, for some people homeschooling is nothing more than a badge on the SuperMom belt. In the beginning, I would talk to her very kindly and compassionately about how homeschooling was affecting her relationship with the kids and their self-esteem. I tried to help. But when nothing changed, I told her that I thought her kids would be better off in school because resenting or being resented is not a good situation for any person to be in day after day for years.

 

That said, I agree with this...

 

I would personally refuse to write an article with that thesis.

 

I do believe some people shouldn't homeschool. I do. Shoot me. :tongue_smilie: However, the number of people who (I believe) shouldn't homeschool would represent a tiny fraction of all homeschoolers. Meanwhile, there are countless naysayers in the lives of enough good-enough to spectacularly wonderful homeschoolers for whom this article would add both fuel to the fire and a feeling of having an acceptable mission. Just don't give them kindling.

[Farrar]

I do believe some people shouldn't homeschool. I do. Shoot me. :tongue_smilie: However, the number of people who (I believe) shouldn't homeschool would represent a tiny fraction of all homeschoolers. Meanwhile, there are countless naysayers in the lives of enough good-enough to spectacularly wonderful homeschoolers for whom this article would add both fuel to the fire and a feeling of having an acceptable mission. Just don't give them kindling.

 

:iagree:

 

Can you turn the article around? Could it be more of a self-evaluation thing instead of a how to evaluate someone else thing?

[Alte Veste Academy]

I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in.

 

In all seriousness, do you know how I think you should write this article? From the other side of the bean dip offer.

 

Homeschooler offers bean dip to change the subject away from what makes them fit to homeschool.

 

Naysayer accepts bean dip, actually understanding the true meaning of said offer. ;) Your article could help people actually recognize bean dip! You could do an incredible service to the homeschool community! :lol:

 

Then put a little paragraph at the bottom about abuse, neglect, etc. You know, stuff you would call the cops or CPS for anyway.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

:iagree:

 

Can you turn the article around? Could it be more of a self-evaluation thing instead of a how to evaluate someone else thing?

 

That's a great idea.

[Mommy22alyns]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

 

:iagree:

[Pen]

Is this for real? Or just wanting to stir things up?

[Walking-Iris]

I agree with everyone else. It would actually be a violation of everyone's constitutional rights if someone could say "you're unfit to homeschool." ESPECIALLY with the examples that the OP gave. So the marriage is in shambles? So what? Many single parents homeschool, many step-families homeschool. Many marriages are in shambles with the kids in public school. Many spouses attempt to use homeschooling against the other in custody battles, and I find that really sad. Are all parents going through a divorce "unfit"?

 

So there's significant stress? So what? Many people homeschool while dealing with illness, their own or a spouses or even a child's. Many people have lost jobs or had to move or----fill in the blank. I knew a girl in college who was homeschooled while her grandmother with Alzheimer's lived with them her high school years. She's none the worse for it. Lots of people homeschool a child with special needs, a stress if there ever was one--are they unfit to do it? No. That would be like saying they're unfit to be that child's parent only because parenting them is more stressful than the norm. How would the kids being in school change their family dynamic? The home environment is still the most influential on a child and I guarantee that they are effected by the stress or divorce whether they are doing math at a desk in school or at the kitchen table. What stress in my life would make me "unfit" to homeschool? I will take it for granted that most parents can make their own choices what stress they may be experiencing would cause homeschooling to be unmanageable for them. Plenty of people can endure more than I can, and I'm sure I can endure some things others wouldn't.

 

Honestly this is why so many people choose to homeschool. Why is it anyone's business (school, govt, CPS, article writers, psychologists) to make judgement calls about a child's education and upbringing? I'll make those parental decisions. All of this is a part of life. There's conflict, there's stress, there's illness, there's monetary problems, etc. The family unit is still sacrosanct imho.

 

If there's really abuse in the home, there are systems in place to deal with that. Going to public school would only give a child a slight protection. Public school children are victims of abuse as well. (I sometimes wonder if the instances of ps kids experiencing abuse is higher?) And anyway I for one think there's more than enough criticism of homeschoolers and attempts to link them to abuse. If abuse is going to happen, it's not really a homeschooling or a public school issue. After all children are abused by teachers and coaches and even other students---do we then send those kids home and declare the school system unfit? LOL Half the time a teacher barely gets a slap on the hand.

 

And what, pray tell, would be the "proof" that a child was suffering? Standardized tests? Getting curriculum approved? Subjecting families to inspection? A child not appearing to achieve on someone else's arbitrary timetable? A child being raised with cultural or religious beliefs contrary to one's own?

 

As far as people doing a poor job homeschooling. I believe two things would happen--they would seek help and learn and remedy the errors, or they would enroll the kids in school. What determines a mother as "unstable"---that she has ppd? mental illness? seizures? a stroke? an odd eccentric lifestyle? what? Because plenty of women are proactive with their health and plenty of homeschooling moms have experienced these issues and do an outstanding job educating their children anyway. And if you choose to homeschool in a middle class suburban home or in a traveling bus is none of my business.

[swellmomma]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

 

:iagree: An outsider is just that. An outsider. They may think they see too much going on for someone to homeschool, but they do not know the person's life to know whether or not it is working for the children. Outsiders have said that I should homeschool because I am a single mom, because the kids have special needs, because of any number of reasons. Homeschooling works for us and my general response to that is to tell them to stuff it and at times cut off contact with them completely.

 

The article should instead be about how to keep you judgements and mouth shut unless there is actual concern with abuse not perceived dysfunction

[campmom]

I believe that an article like this is harmful to ALL OF US who homeschool. I really hope you choose not to write it.

[Lovedtodeath]

I am not fit to homeschool. I am even less fit to prepare and recover my kids from PS. :D

[Lovedtodeath]

I had a friend who I believe should not homeschool because it affected her relationship with her children in a terribly negative way. She hated homeschooling (loved research, buying, and dreaming though) and she let them know she hated it. Every darn day. She acted like a martyr and made the kids feel like they should bow down to her every day because she was martyring herself this way for their benefit. Of course, this situation was to no one's benefit.

 

She thought she was being SuperMom by homeschooling. She told me that the idea of putting them back in school was embarrassing, both because they were behind and because people would know she had failed. She kept them home for too long (her words) because she didn't want people to think she couldn't do it. Like it or not, for some people homeschooling is nothing more than a badge on the SuperMom belt. In the beginning, I would talk to her very kindly and compassionately about how homeschooling was affecting her relationship with the kids and their self-esteem. I tried to help. But when nothing changed, I told her that I thought her kids would be better off in school because resenting or being resented is not a good situation for any person to be in day after day for years.

 

That said, I agree with this...

 

 

 

I do believe some people shouldn't homeschool. I do. Shoot me. :tongue_smilie: However, the number of people who (I believe) shouldn't homeschool would represent a tiny fraction of all homeschoolers. Meanwhile, there are countless naysayers in the lives of enough good-enough to spectacularly wonderful homeschoolers for whom this article would add both fuel to the fire and a feeling of having an acceptable mission. Just don't give them kindling.

"LIKE"

[thowell]

I am not fit to homeschool. I am even less fit to prepare and recover my kids from PS. :D

 

 

priceless!!!!

[kiwik]

Just curious. Do you have to get permission to remove your child and homes hook over there?

[Momof2littles]

Absolutely not. It is completely no ones business. And around here, even if you sat your kid in front of the TV all day you'd STILL be on par with some of the local schools.

 

I don't think this is the kind of article that even needs to be written. It's just going to give some crazy nosy bodies a list to consult and scrutinize people they know who home school.

 

Definitely agree. When we start deciding who is "fit to homeschool" and who isn't we begin to take away parental rights.

[Reflections]

Hi everyone,

 

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

This is not for myself personally, but I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in. If anyone has any resources or advice for someone in this predicament, I'd love to read your input!

 

Thanks!

 

That is some slippery slope! What is the difference between saying they aren't fit to homeschool and they aren't fit to parent???

[kagmypts]

I dont think its for anyone to judge or tell me whether I am "fit" to HS my own children.

 

:auto: as i run and hide now.......

 

I don't think this is the kind of article that even needs to be written. It's just going to give some crazy nosy bodies a list to consult and scrutinize people they know who home school.

 

I agree with both of these!

[Reflections]

I agree with everyone else. It would actually be a violation of everyone's constitutional rights if someone could say "you're unfit to homeschool." ESPECIALLY with the examples that the OP gave. So the marriage is in shambles? So what? Many single parents homeschool, many step-families homeschool. Many marriages are in shambles with the kids in public school. Many spouses attempt to use homeschooling against the other in custody battles, and I find that really sad. Are all parents going through a divorce "unfit"?

 

So there's significant stress? So what? Many people homeschool while dealing with illness, their own or a spouses or even a child's. Many people have lost jobs or had to move or----fill in the blank. I knew a girl in college who was homeschooled while her grandmother with Alzheimer's lived with them her high school years. She's none the worse for it. Lots of people homeschool a child with special needs, a stress if there ever was one--are they unfit to do it? No. That would be like saying they're unfit to be that child's parent only because parenting them is more stressful than the norm. How would the kids being in school change their family dynamic? The home environment is still the most influential on a child and I guarantee that they are effected by the stress or divorce whether they are doing math at a desk in school or at the kitchen table. What stress in my life would make me "unfit" to homeschool? I will take it for granted that most parents can make their own choices what stress they may be experiencing would cause homeschooling to be unmanageable for them. Plenty of people can endure more than I can, and I'm sure I can endure some things others wouldn't.

 

Honestly this is why so many people choose to homeschool. Why is it anyone's business (school, govt, CPS, article writers, psychologists) to make judgement calls about a child's education and upbringing? I'll make those parental decisions. All of this is a part of life. There's conflict, there's stress, there's illness, there's monetary problems, etc. The family unit is still sacrosanct imho.

 

If there's really abuse in the home, there are systems in place to deal with that. Going to public school would only give a child a slight protection. Public school children are victims of abuse as well. (I sometimes wonder if the instances of ps kids experiencing abuse is higher?) And anyway I for one think there's more than enough criticism of homeschoolers and attempts to link them to abuse. If abuse is going to happen, it's not really a homeschooling or a public school issue. After all children are abused by teachers and coaches and even other students---do we then send those kids home and declare the school system unfit? LOL Half the time a teacher barely gets a slap on the hand.

 

And what, pray tell, would be the "proof" that a child was suffering? Standardized tests? Getting curriculum approved? Subjecting families to inspection? A child not appearing to achieve on someone else's arbitrary timetable? A child being raised with cultural or religious beliefs contrary to one's own?

 

As far as people doing a poor job homeschooling. I believe two things would happen--they would seek help and learn and remedy the errors, or they would enroll the kids in school. What determines a mother as "unstable"---that she has ppd? mental illness? seizures? a stroke? an odd eccentric lifestyle? what? Because plenty of women are proactive with their health and plenty of homeschooling moms have experienced these issues and do an outstanding job educating their children anyway. And if you choose to homeschool in a middle class suburban home or in a traveling bus is none of my business.

 

:iagree::iagree: Yes - I don't see a whole of articles written about children in public schools suffering dysfunction under a teacher who has an unstable home environment and how we should intervene as public citizens and send the kids home.

[Hunter]

I am not fit to homeschool. I am even less fit to prepare and recover my kids from PS. :D

 

This is such a common situation. The people who are the least prepared to homeschool, so often need to the most. EDIT: I'm not agreeing that YOU are unfit! :D

 

I'd tweak the article to talk about the realities of placing children into PS. I'd educate the type of person who so often thinks they have the right to judge the lower income and less educated and religious homeschoolers.

 

My youngest was a 2E kid, and I proved to have no ability to advocate for him. No matter what I did at home, he was better off there, than dealing with the reality for HIM at OUR local public school, without a parent capable of throwing some weight around. I was a much better homeschool mom that PS parent.

[stripe]

What would you say if a friend told you she just got pregnant and she's stressed out? Or wants to marry some wildly inappropriate man? I guess to me, that is a guideline for just how involved you are willing to get in other people's lives.

 

I thnkk an article on coping with life problems while homeschooling would be something at least 47% of homeschoolers would find helpful.

[Kathryn]

I grew with everyone else. Unless my opinion is asked or there's abuse, it's not my business. I know one person IRL who I don't think is doing the best by her child by homeschooling. She's a nice person, but she's flaky and a pushover when it come to what her son wants and it doesn't make for an ideal situation. She asks for my help on following the law and curriculum purchases, and that's where my advice ends.

[SunnyDays]

 

I do believe some people shouldn't homeschool. I do. Shoot me. :tongue_smilie: However, the number of people who (I believe) shouldn't homeschool would represent a tiny fraction of all homeschoolers. Meanwhile, there are countless naysayers in the lives of enough good-enough to spectacularly wonderful homeschoolers for whom this article would add both fuel to the fire and a feeling of having an acceptable mission. Just don't give them kindling.

 

I absolutely agree with this. There are too many "friends" and relatives out there who look for any ammunition against a homeschooling family.

 

I believe that an article like this is harmful to ALL OF US who homeschool. I really hope you choose not to write it.

 

Agreed. I could see the "twist" someone mentioned regarding taking an honest look at whether you yourself (proverbial you) should homeschool... but not how to examine another family's appropriateness. Homeschoolers face enough opposition.

[HappyCrazyMama]

:iagree: An outsider is just that. An outsider. They may think they see too much going on for someone to homeschool, but they do not know the person's life to know whether or not it is working for the children. Outsiders have said that I should homeschool because I am a single mom, because the kids have special needs, because of any number of reasons. Homeschooling works for us and my general response to that is to tell them to stuff it and at times cut off contact with them completely.

 

The article should instead be about how to keep your judgements and mouth shut unless there is actual concern with abuse not perceived dysfunction

:iagree:

[Hedgehogs4]

I have two friends whose kids I believe would be better off in school than being homeschooled. I encourage them where I can and stay out of their business. It is not for me to decide or to comment unless asked.

 

That said, perhaps the spin of your article might be "whose business is it anyway?" It might be that being homeschooled becomes the saving grace of a kid whose family life otherwise appears to be "out of control."

 

You know what they say about opinions...and who "should" or "should not" homeschool is only that--an opinion.

[Ellie]

Hi everyone,

 

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

This is not for myself personally, but I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in. If anyone has any resources or advice for someone in this predicament, I'd love to read your input!

 

Thanks!

I think it would be terribly inappropriate for anyone to determine that someone else isn't "fit" to homeschool. I mean, seriously? Who am I to do that?

 

My advice? MYOB.

[Lovedtodeath]

This is such a common situation. The people who are the least prepared to homeschool, so often need to the most. EDIT: I'm not agreeing that YOU are unfit! :D

 

I'd tweak the article to talk about the realities of placing children into PS. I'd educate the type of person who so often thinks they have the right to judge the lower income and less educated and religious homeschoolers.

 

My youngest was a 2E kid, and I proved to have no ability to advocate for him. No matter what I did at home, he was better off there, than dealing with the reality for HIM at OUR local public school, without a parent capable of throwing some weight around. I was a much better homeschool mom that PS parent.

YES! You filled in the holes. Thanks! :)

[Jay3fer]

If you want to see the profile of a family that shouldn't be homeschooling, there's one in particular featured in Robert Kunzman's Write These Laws on Your Children that I found particularly annoying, and a couple who probably aren't really "qualified" to homeschool. As a traditional educator, he goes into the book with the idea that homeschoolers should be required to meet some type of minimal standards for literacy and numeracy, is stonewalled by every single homeschooler he talks to, and concludes that testing is probably necessary anyway. Sheesh. I was expecting far less bias and far more insight into actual families' lives, but it might be interesting for you as background because of the family profiles...

[lewelma]

Just curious. Do you have to get permission to remove your child and homeschool over there?

 

No, as far as I know there is not even 1 state in the USA that requires that The Government give you permission to homeschool.

 

It might interest some to hear that New Zealand requires that you fill in a long application for EACH child when he/she turns 6 requesting an exemption from school. Questions include:

 

What is your educational philosophy?

What curriculum do you plan to use?

What is your timetable?

How will you use community resources?

How will you ensure socialization?

If you child has a LD, what help will you be getting?

etc

 

My application was 6 pages single spaced. Then the Ministry of Education reviews your application, and in about 50% of cases, returns it to you for more information. About 90% of applications are accepted, and you are given permission to homeschool that child. Until about 3 years ago, each homeschool was reviewed about every 4 years (using the same organization that reviews schools every 4 years). But so few people failed that now they only review you if there has been a complaint. I found the review process to be wonderful and very supportive. I did have a friend that failed her review, and was given 6 months to clean up her act and then go through another review. This process helped her immensely (she knew she was doing a poor job).

 

Ruth in NZ

Edited September 27, 2012 by lewelma

[Mandy in TN]

Hi everyone,

 

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

This is not for myself personally, but I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in. If anyone has any resources or advice for someone in this predicament, I'd love to read your input!

 

Thanks!

 

Oh, Helen, no. Just no. Don't do it. An article of this nature, especially by a homeschooler, will bring nothing but trouble. Is there another angle that would be acceptable? Would something like things to consider other than curricula when deciding if homeschooling is right for you work?

 

Frankly, I have to agree with everyone who has said that if there is abuse or neglect there is CPS. If an adult is fit to parent, he/ she is fit to homeschool.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[BrandieRose]

Hi everyone,

 

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

This is not for myself personally, but I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool, how to evaluate this, and what to do if you are on the outside looking in. If anyone has any resources or advice for someone in this predicament, I'd love to read your input!

 

Thanks!

 

 

I agree with the general consensus that it is not our business. If you see a struggling homeschooler, or a struggling anybody, your first reaction should be to offer help, not make her life decision for her. Offer free babysitting, have her over for lunch. Compliment her on the things she is doing right, she could probably use the encouragement. If she's getting exasperated with her kids, notice all the good and cute things about them, to remind her how precious they are. If she is seriously a danger to her kids, well that really has nothing to do with homeschooling.

 

If you do choose to write this article, remember all opinions come from somewhere. Our founding fathers wrote of rights we have from our Creator. Making decisions about our own children is one of those rights He gave us. As secular Darwinism works its way more and more into politics, our rights now come from the state, or rather, from popular opinion. Articles like this turn popular opinion against homeschoolers, and in so doing, take away the God given rights Thomas Jefferson wrote about.

[happyhomemaker]

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you know who seems determined to homeschool really shouldn't be? Either because she is going through some significant personal stresses or turmoil, or her marital situation is in shambles, or she is just not in a stable state of mind or emotion? What would you say to such a person? And what if you feel there is evidence that her children are suffering and showing increasing signs of dysfunction?

 

I agree with others that this article will only provide those who are against homeschooling with a checklist to use against people they know.

 

Dire situations in which children are endangered would be handled by CPS or other services/agencies. Anything else should be left up to the discretion of the parent and the laws of the state. It's none of my business. Why should I be able to say someone should not be able to homeschool based on stresses in her life? No one is suggesting firing ps teachers because their marriages are in trouble. Why would we hold homeschoolers to standards we don't hold ps teachers to? Does it make sense to say that Anne is having a hard time so she can't teach her own kids, but if she has a teaching certificate, we will still pay her to teach other people's kids? :confused:

[ELITEANDLOVINGIT]

Completely agree with all that I have read so far on the first two pages...

 

HS parents have had to work very hard to dispel this type of blatant paranoia from contemporary society and we are almost there.

 

No parent needs to be making judgement calls unless they are the other parent or a social worker with CPS..and CPS only in true cases of abuse, not bias.

 

:rant:

[Lovedtodeath]

No, as far as I know there is not even 1 state in the USA that requires that The Government give you permission to homeschool.

 

It might interest some to hear that New Zealand requires that you fill in a long application for EACH child when he/she turns 6 requesting an exemption from school. Questions include:

 

What is your educational philosophy?

What curriculum do you plan to use?

What is your timetable?

How will you use community resources?

How will you ensure socialization?

If you child has a LD, what help will you be getting?

etc

 

My application was 6 pages single spaced. Then the Ministry of Education reviews your application, and in about 50% of cases, returns it to you for more information. About 90% of applications are accepted, and you are given permission to homeschool that child. Until about 3 years ago, each homeschool was reviewed about every 4 years (using the same organization that reviews schools every 4 years). But so few people failed that now they only review you if there has been a complaint. I found the review process to be wonderful and very supportive. I did have a friend that failed her review, and was given 6 months to clean up her act and then go through another review. This process helped her immensely (she knew she was doing a poor job).

 

Ruth in NZ

Interesting. Thank you for sharing.

 

If she is seriously a danger to her kids, well that really has nothing to do with homeschooling.

Hmmm... I disagree. If she got a break from her kids maybe she wouldn't be so on edge.

[Laura Corin]

I think I would talk through generally with the friend the stresses and responsibilities (e.g. 'Something I always find hard is having to be consistent because I am fully responsible for my boys' educational future..') then leave the decision up to the friend.

 

Laura

[Momof3littles]

Add me to the chorus of those who fear this would be twisted and used against HSers inappropriately.

 

Any type of fitness testing for HSers is problematic, IMO. THe deal breaker for me would e CPS-reportable types of abuse and neglect, and that's a parenting issue, not a HSing issue.

 

There are parents out there who never finished high school, yet have self-educated or are capable of identifying resources to help their child. Parents who don't feel qualified to teach can take on the role of facilitators, and find courses, tutors, etc. for their child, even if their own educational background isn't "adequate" to teach a certain subject (and I hesitate to even say that, because it is certainly possible to self-educate and work ahead in a curricula before teaching it to DC). An overwhelmed parent could still find ways to outsource, etc. and give their child a great education.

 

I can think of PS teachers I had with anger management issues, or teachers who were poorly organized, scattered, etc. My high school calc teacher was retiring and took every sick and personal day he had available to him, and was only in class about 2 days a week. The rest of the time we self-taught because we had history and English major subs who had no idea how to teach calculus. I had a teacher who seduced students year after year after year, and a blind eye was turned over decades. I had a PS teacher who did nothing more than put movies on more days than not. I went to a very small high school, and yet there were plenty of examples of PS teachers who wouldn't pass such a litmus test, IMO.

 

I truly think a story like this will be twisted into some sort of litmus test people can reference to deem someone inadequate to HS.

 

I live in a highly restricted state (one of the most restrictive), and we do not need permission to HS (just adding that since it was discussed a bit upthread). My state involves lots of useless hoop jumping. I certainly do not want the district now using an article like this to litmus test parents.

 

For example, in my state, we provide a port, an evaluator letter, etc. and so forth to the SD. There is a list of subjects that must be covered over the course of elementary school, and then middle and high school. There was a SD in my state that was providing a check sheet for their personnel reviewing the HSing ports. It included the things that must be in the port, but that SD also took it upon itself to include things on the checksheet like "evidence of extracurricular activities" as part of the checksheet for the port.

 

Are extracurriculars important? In my family, yes. Does the law say one word about that in my state? No. Do they have a checksheet for extracurricular activities as part of the evaluation process for PS students? No. They are playing into the stereotype of "isolated" HS children. I'm not comfortable with giving my SD that information, because it is not part of the law. The person who received this little checklist back as part of her port review from the district chose to let it go. What if a district like this decides they are going to litmus test the parent as part of their little self-designed checksheet? It makes me very, very uncomfortable. The extracurricular thing is a bit of a litmus test, no? (is the child doing anything outside of the home, are the parents providing "enough" social interaction, etc.). It isn't part of the law. I don't want to report that information to my district, even though my kids are involved in lots of extracurriculars. Similarly, I don't really want someone checking boxes about my adequacy and preparation; living in a tightly regulated state is already ridiculous enough, and districts regularly overstep the law here as it is.

Edited September 27, 2012 by Momof3littles

[Rosie_0801]

When I was in that situation I suggested the mum look into Oak Meadow, hoping it would tickle her liking for Steiner stuff because it would suit her personality far better than unschooling. But that was one private conversation that was easily ignored, not a written article.

 

 

Rosie

Edited September 27, 2012 by Rosie_0801

[Soror]

I had a friend who I believe should not homeschool because it affected her relationship with her children in a terribly negative way. She hated homeschooling (loved research, buying, and dreaming though) and she let them know she hated it. Every darn day. She acted like a martyr and made the kids feel like they should bow down to her every day because she was martyring herself this way for their benefit. Of course, this situation was to no one's benefit.

 

She thought she was being SuperMom by homeschooling. She told me that the idea of putting them back in school was embarrassing, both because they were behind and because people would know she had failed. She kept them home for too long (her words) because she didn't want people to think she couldn't do it. Like it or not, for some people homeschooling is nothing more than a badge on the SuperMom belt. In the beginning, I would talk to her very kindly and compassionately about how homeschooling was affecting her relationship with the kids and their self-esteem. I tried to help. But when nothing changed, I told her that I thought her kids would be better off in school because resenting or being resented is not a good situation for any person to be in day after day for years.

 

That said, I agree with this...

 

 

 

I do believe some people shouldn't homeschool. I do. Shoot me. :tongue_smilie: However, the number of people who (I believe) shouldn't homeschool would represent a tiny fraction of all homeschoolers. Meanwhile, there are countless naysayers in the lives of enough good-enough to spectacularly wonderful homeschoolers for whom this article would add both fuel to the fire and a feeling of having an acceptable mission. Just don't give them kindling.

 

:iagree: with all of the above. Just as all public schools or teachers are not good not all hs'ers are either. I don't think unless extreme people should be forced not to hs. However, if it is a good friend who I feel is doing a disservice to her kids by hs'ing them then I would say something as I expect they would to me. With my close friends we expect honesty with each other, even when it hurts. I have one friend that has really struggled and I've tried to help her and encourage her all I can. I would only do that with my closest friends though, as I said we have a relationship like that though. We've said to each other at different times, if I was doing such and such you would tell me right?

 

For people I don't know well I'd just try to provide encouragement as I could and little suggestions of things I thought could help if I had any ideas.

[Haiku]

I have been asked to write an article on how to determine whether someone is fit to homeschool

 

Were it me I would run away from this as fast as I could. I would NOT write an article about how to determine someone's fitness to homeschool. We face enough opposition from the outside world at large, and I really think that infighting about who should and shouldn't be homeschooling is a really bad idea.

 

If a person follows their state's guidelines for notification and receives an excusal, then that's that. (I know that some states require no notifications and therefore don't grant excusals.) If a child is in a CPS-worthy situation, people should notify CPS. If you, from the outside, think someone is stressed or their marriage isn't in a good place, well, that's really none of your business with regard to evaluating their suitability to homeschool.

 

Can you imagine if we all felt it was our right to evaluate each other's suitability?

 

Tara