Dealing with over-sensitive kids

[joannqn]

We were suppose to be going to Great Wolf Lodge tomorrow. But DD12 got braces today. Ok, the plan was to still go. Then she got her period today...11 days late. (It's her first year so irregularity is normal.) She asked, in tears, if she could just stay home because she couldn't stand the sight of watching us have fun in the water when she couldn't go in.

 

No, she absolutely will not entertain the idea of using a tampon...in a small junior one.

 

Rescheduling is going to cost us $110 more. DH is willing to pay the extra so she can go when she's not recovering from braces and not on her period. But what if she gets her period on the new day? We cannot reschedule twice.

 

I tried talking to her about tampons and she was crying hysterically just talking about it. This kind of reaction is "normal" for her.

 

She cried like this for the first 10 years of her life over the thought of getting her face wet. I asked for OT for her. Our ped thought she was old enough to reason with. When he tried talking to her about getting her face wet, she was sobbing. And she cried through months and months of swimming lessons. And she cried like this when the first orthodontist we visited said parents were not allowed in the treatment area. We didn't even make it into the appointment; we walked out. Our dentist once tried to do a filling without me there; they had to come get me to help calm her.

 

Ideas on how to deal with this? I can't believe that at 12, we are still dealing with crying over little things.

[Rebel Yell]

well, if DH is willing to reschedule, I;d reschedule.

 

I would never ever force a person of any age to use tampons. They may seem harmless enough top us, but it is very bizarre and frightening to some people. I know high school girls who will not consider them.

 

:grouphug: I hope she feels better soon.

[TravelingChris]

I think at this point I would reschedule. HOwever, instead of OT, I would be looking for a mental health counselor to help her. No, not about tampons in particular, but over her whole anxiety problem. It will not get better as she becomes more hormonal and that will happen about 2 years after her first period.

[DianeW88]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree:

[SailorMom]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree:

I didn't use tampons until after I was about 23 - so I can relate. That said - it was my choice not to, and I missed out on swimming many times because of it. Is it possible that she'll be pretty light part of the trip? If she rushes into the water and back out - right into a bathroom - and she's light - she should be ok. She could also wear board shorts over her swimsuit just to feel a bit safer.

Edited September 25, 2012 by SailorMom

[merry gardens]

:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't reschedule over this. If it took her that long before she was willing to get her face wet, watching others have fun in the water shouldn't be a big deal. Although, I don't really enjoy getting my hair and face wet either. I'm more of a wade-in-the-shallows then read-a-book by the water kind of person.

 

I'm sorry that your dd is overly sensitive. My toddler has some seriously different sensitivities that I hope she'll outgrow. We've avoided some trips because of it and approach vacations with hesitation. We pack a lot of extra supplies just to make it as easy on the sensitive one as possible. I'd see what extras might make the trip more bearable for her, but I wouldn't cancel.

[NancyNellen]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree:

[Trilliums]

That would below a hard decision. Basically I'd go with what felt right in my gut and my heart. I agree sometimes kids need to 'suck it up' but honestly, that approach doesn't strike me as a good course of action based on your description. She seems to be struggling beyond the norm and I would try to help her develop strategies to.mentally armour herself and develop more resilience.

 

I also thought of counseling but, idk, that is so dependent on the therapist you end up with. If its not a good fit, it will probably achieve little. I'd try books from the library on dealing with anxiety.

[TravelingChris]

The only reason I suggested rescheduling is because of how the OP has dealt with these problems so far. It seems like she likes to avoid the drama. Me, personally, I have taken my kids on vacations when they couldn't have complete enjoyment. My one dd broke her leg right before a beach vacation. We still went (particularly as that one was just to the Gulf Coast and we lived a few blocks from the Atlantic Ocean beach she could again go to as soon as her cast was off). My other dd ended up having her shoulder surgery rescheduled to a few days before our cruise. We still went and she had a good time, and even got to swim, just not using that arm at all. We got her a safety jacket to make it easier for her but she still snorkled.

[catz]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree: Honestly, I think by not being willing to try tampons she's making a choice. Which is fine. I didn't them for a long time either because I wasn't comfortable with the idea, so I totally get that. But I really don't think that's a reason to reschedule a family vacation. If it was her first period or 2, maybe, but it's time to move on.

 

That said, if she regularly is this sensitive, I would consider looking into help for her to deal with her anxiety.

[Murphy101]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

Me too.

 

Also, I tried tampons and absolutely hated them. I have never once in my life NEEDED to use tampons. I just do something else if swimming isn't an option. *shrug*

[SailorMom]

I also want to add - in regards to NOT rescheduling.... Perhaps she'll still find a way to have a good time? Learn that she needs to accept hard luck and make the best of it?

[gardenmom5]

do you have to have your ped referral for OT? she sounds like she needs it. does she have anxiety? How are her D3 levels? or B12?

ETA: she can get really far ahead on the wand game. lots of points. there are other things to do. or she can break down and try using a jr size tampon. I do understand, I have one who was much the same. major vitamin D deficencies.

[i.love.lucy]

My dd is like yours. While I would have liked to be a "suck it up" parent, that is not how you parent an anxious/sensitive child. Nor how you stay happily married to one when they grow up. Ask me how I know. :glare:

 

I speak as calmly as possible. I ask her to look outside herself, to see if she can see or feel the drama. I also do a lot of affirmations of what I know she is feeling. I am not really at all sensitive or dramatic and I don't like being told to suck it up or that I have no right to be upset. So I can always put myself in her shoes ESPECIALLY when hormonal, and see how the reaction is not rational but it is happening.

 

Honestly, a family vacation at the pool would be no fun for me without my girl there. I would absolutely reschedule but tell her that if anything like this comes up when it's planned again, we would not be able to.

 

And for heaven's sakes, we as women should have some sensitivity to our girls in their first year of their period. This is very, very new territory. It's scary even. My dd won't go near a tampon either, and is so private she won't let me discuss helping her with it. She missed a friend's swim party during her first period and had to be okay with it. But I would not make her miss a family vacation by sitting on the sidelines like it's some kind of punishment that she won't use a tampon. I think that's just mean.

[MindyD]

We personally wouldn't reschedule a vacation for that. If she chooses to sit out, it's her choice. I don't give into the drama much because that's not realistic for my dd in life. I'd rather she gently learn from me that one can't respond to everything with crying and hysteria.

[shanvan]

I think you should consider ways you can help her cope with her anxieties in the future, but do what is going to be easiest for YOU now. If you still want to go, go and do what you can to help Dd have a better time and let it go. Let her be responsible for her own happiness. If you think the trip and your Dd's feelings may make it impossible for you to enjoy yourself, then reschedule but tell her the next time you will go.

 

Before deciding on a therapist do some reading about anxiety and treatments. My neighbor just retired from years as a therapist at a local mental health facility. He told me if Ds (who shows some signs of anxiety) ever needed a therapist to be very careful about who we use b/c so many of them can actually make things worse.

[Embassy]

I'd reschedule. Sounds like she feels things much stronger than your typical kid. Braces hurt and then having a period come when you are supposed to have fun in the water would be very disappointing. I'd give lots of hugs and talk it through and discuss the possibilities (i.e. going and doing something else fun or rescheduling for another time when it is possible that her period might come). Deciding to reschedule knowing the possibility of a period coming gives her more time to mentally prepare if her period does come for the rescheduled trip.

[Embassy]

While I would have liked to be a "suck it up" parent, that is not how you parent an anxious/sensitive child.

 

:iagree: as a parent of a anxious/sensitive child.

[catz]

 

And for heaven's sakes, we as women should have some sensitivity to our girls in their first year of their period. This is very, very new territory. It's scary even. My dd won't go near a tampon either, and is so private she won't let me discuss helping her with it. She missed a friend's swim party during her first period and had to be okay with it. But I would not make her miss a family vacation by sitting on the sidelines like it's some kind of punishment that she won't use a tampon. I think that's just mean.

 

Ok - I was a super sensitive kid. I cried the first day of my period for like 2 years. My daughter is SO sensitive too and I dread these days with her. But I think it's hard on the whole family to reschedule. I'd work to make it ok for her. I'd give her free range to my iPad, get her some new books, etc. If she's irregular, it could easily be her time next time you go and then what? You are out the money, your other children got to be disappointed the first time, and you still get to deal with the anxiety. I know for my more anxious child, sometimes it's just really helpful for me to be a calm voice of reason and gently walk her through a situation, rather than letting her fears dictate what we chose to do as a family. I could go on and on about how trying it was for me to take this child to Disney World alone. Every line was a flood of "what ifs".

 

Coincidentally, my family was at a hotel when I got my 2nd period with several other families specifically just to hang out and swim. I did a little in and out swimming and got some extra quarters for video games. I was sobbing in our hotel bathroom and my mom had to talk me down. But really, they worked with me and it turned out totally ok. I think you can be completely sensitive to your child and their needs and situation without having to cancel a whole vacation. At some point she will have to be disappointed or chose to try a tampon. I think the problem here is this level of anxiety and not that the OP has a family vacation scheduled.

[Ottakee]

I would not force a tampon on a girl that age (or anyone) and I understand how upsetting to a 12 year old that missing the swimming of Great Wolf Lodge would be. I might reschedule if possible or otherwise give her a bit of money for the extras there since she can't swim.

 

That said, if this is her typical response to many things, I would first see the doctor about a physical with blood work---vit. D, vit. B, iron levels, thyroid (a big one many doctors miss), and all the rest of the basics. If something is out of wack there, that needs to be addressed.

 

I might also consider a psychiatrist/therapist for the anxiety.

[Paige]

My DD is much like that only younger. She's going to see someone about her anxiety next month because it is becoming obvious that this isn't a quirk. I would probably reschedule. I am totally in the suck it up buttercup camp, but I would reschedule for her as a kindness- and then get therapy. It's one thing to let her cry and wail and make poor choices on a day to day basis, but for something special like this, if we could afford it, then I would want to avoid making what should be a fun vacation a bad memory for everyone. I know with my DD, that it isn't something she can completely control and get past, and she would end up making us all miserable because it's no fun to try to have fun when someone else is clearly miserable and in meltdown mode. I'd try to reschedule for sometime before when her next period is due. Irregular newly menstruating girls are late more often than early.

[joannqn]

With the water thing, we did many things from being really gentle to throwing her in the pool. She never got out of bathing or washing her hair. The latter was always a struggle, but if she didn't cooperate, she got water dumped on her head to wet her hair and rinse out the shampoo anyway. And she was forced to take two years of swimming lessons; the first year was at the YMCA that made things worse and the second year was at a place that actually helped.

 

She still cries at the dentist or orthodontist office most of the time though it is quiet tears now, but I've never once let her get out of treatment because of it. In fact, when she was younger I helped hold her down for treatment.

 

So, no I'm not the kind of parent who lets her get away with anything. We don't cater to the tears. We try to be sensitive, but in the long run if it is something that needs to be done, it simply needs to be done. And she knows that.

 

She asked for it to be rescheduled because I had mentioned the idea to my husband when I asked about her getting braces here. Many people suggested rescheduling either the braces or the vacation. But I didn't have enough notice to reschedule the braces. We were going to go anyway. Then the period came.

 

So, yes we are rescheduling. We've only been on a vacation this nice once in 12 years. DH wants to reschedule; he understands how much cycles can affect some of us. The other kids took the news calmly; they know we are still going. I talked to her about the fact that we can't reschedule twice, so if she gets her period again, she's stuck. Fortunately, we can probably go next Wednesday. By then her period will either be done or so light it won't matter.

 

 

So, I was hoping for more help along the lines of helping her calm down and be more rational and less fearful. It never occurred to me that this is anxiety, so that thought helped. I thought it was more along the lines of sensory integration disorder.

Edited September 26, 2012 by joannqn

[Halcyon]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree: i have a sensitive kid too, and. Would phrase it as kindly as possible, but reschedule? No way.

 

Eta: okay, saw you rescheduled. That's cool:) my sons both have anxiety. Breathing, meditation, exercise and prayer help. Yoga helps younger a lot.

[Jilly]

So, I was hoping for more help along the lines of helping her calm down and be more rational and less fearful. It never occurred to me that this is anxiety, so that thought helped. I thought it was more along the lines of sensory integration disorder.

 

She sounds so much like my 13-year-old son, and he has sensory integration disorder. This causes him much anxiety, but it is the sensory problems that is at the heart of his anxiety.

 

He hates the dentist, and he needs braces, but I am holding off on that for now because it would be so traumatizing. He also didn't put his head under water for years, and it was only with a calm and capable coach that he was able to overcome this.

 

Today he is in OT, and it is helping so much. I would talk to your doctor and see if he or she thinks your daughter would benefit from it.

[Susan C.]

 

 

So, yes we are rescheduling. We've only been on a vacation this nice once in 12 years. DH wants to reschedule; he understands how much cycles can affect some of us. The other kids took the news calmly; they know we are still going. I talked to her about the fact that we can't reschedule twice, so if she gets her period again, she's stuck. Fortunately, we can probably go next Wednesday. By then her period will either be done or so light it won't matter.

 

 

So, I was hoping for more help along the lines of helping her calm down and be more rational and less fearful. It never occurred to me that this is anxiety, so that thought helped. I thought it was more along the lines of sensory integration disorder.

 

She will come around in time. Both of my kids are sensitive/creative as well. Care, love and empathy go a long way. These types love with all their beings, but the downside is that they are sensitive, almost hypersensitive to what is around and inside them. This can tend to make them anxious. They learn how to handle it as they grow up. My dc are grown, but I have spent a lot of time making sure tags were cut out (they don't care now), snacks were always available if we were out (or there were fits if they got too hungry), stayed up talking when they needed it. Not convenient, but so worth it.

[joannqn]

Today he is in OT, and it is helping so much. I would talk to your doctor and see if he or she thinks your daughter would benefit from it.

 

I had asked once a few years ago, citing the water issues, but he thought she was old enough to be reasoned with. As he was talking to her about the importance of using water to clean her face, she was crying. :glare:

 

She will come around in time. Both of my kids are sensitive/creative as well. Care, love and empathy go a long way. These types love with all their beings, but the downside is that they are sensitive, almost hypersensitive to what is around and inside them. This can tend to make them anxious. They learn how to handle it as they grow up. My dc are grown, but I have spent a lot of time making sure tags were cut out (they don't care now), snacks were always available if we were out (or there were fits if they got too hungry), stayed up talking when they needed it. Not convenient, but so worth it.

 

Thank you. I sure do hope so. She HAS gotten better.

 

 

We also have a younger child with a running nose and cough. So between the somewhat sick three year old, discomfort of braces, and period thing, it seemed to be a good idea. We live 30 minutes away from Great Wolf Lodge and were only staying one night, so not too hard to reschedule.

[Tracy in Ky]

:grouphug: So glad it is working out for you.

We live 30 minutes away from Great Wolf Lodge and were only staying one night, so not too hard to reschedule.

[Jilly]

I had asked once a few years ago, citing the water issues, but he thought she was old enough to be reasoned with. As he was talking to her about the importance of using water to clean her face, she was crying. :glare:

 

I would get another opinion or just make an appointment with an occupational therapist. SPD can be so hard on teens because they are old enough to know that their reactions aren't normal. It can be quite upsetting for them. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

She asked for it to be rescheduled because I had mentioned the idea to my husband when I asked about her getting braces here. Many people suggested rescheduling either the braces or the vacation. But I didn't have enough notice to reschedule the braces. We were going to go anyway. Then the period came.

 

So, yes we are rescheduling. We've only been on a vacation this nice once in 12 years. DH wants to reschedule; he understands how much cycles can affect some of us. The other kids took the news calmly; they know we are still going. I talked to her about the fact that we can't reschedule twice, so if she gets her period again, she's stuck. Fortunately, we can probably go next Wednesday. By then her period will either be done or so light it won't matter.

 

I'm glad to hear that you are rescheduling. (And your dh sounds like a great dad, BTW!)

 

Frankly, I'm surprised at how many people would just go ahead with the vacation plans despite their dd's anxiety over the period and the pain and discomfort of the new braces. We're talking about having to pay an extra $100 or so, not thousands of dollars here. I don't know about everyone else, but if something was going on with my ds12, it would be worth a lot more money than that to make sure he enjoyed the vacation as much as the rest of the family did.

 

I think rescheduling was absolutely the right choice.

[Shellers]

I would reschedule. Your DD is only 12, and on her period. I know I was too scared to try tampons until I was 16 or so.

 

We are boaters and we won't take the boat on the lake if one of my girls are on their periods.

[Joker]

I'm glad to hear that you are rescheduling. (And your dh sounds like a great dad, BTW!)

 

Frankly, I'm surprised at how many people would just go ahead with the vacation plans despite their dd's anxiety over the period and the pain and discomfort of the new braces. We're talking about having to pay an extra $100 or so, not thousands of dollars here. I don't know about everyone else, but if something was going on with my ds12, it would be worth a lot more money than that to make sure he enjoyed the vacation as much as the rest of the family did.

 

I think rescheduling was absolutely the right choice.

 

:iagree:My dds know the world isn't kind, and they find that out in many ways. Home is the one place that I want them to feel safe/loved, though. My dd has had a very hard time with starting her cycles, and she had a difficult time getting braces. I honestly can't imagine telling her to just suck it up for the good of the rest of us. She's an emotional girl as well and we work on that, but what the OP described is something I would have done my best to change to help my dd.

 

OP, my dd is now almost 13 and I can't believe the changes in her in the past few months. I had started feeling like it might not ever get better, but it has. I so enjoy her right now (minus the few normal teen episodes).

[Heather in Neverland]

I will be the odd man out as I would have rescheduled the braces

 

OR

 

I would reschedule the vacation around the braces because my experience with braces was brutal.

 

However, I would not have rescheduled JUST for a period. The braces and period together? Yes, I would have rescheduled. But because of the braces, not the period. Can you tell I am still traumatized by my braces? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

.

[Soror]

She will come around in time. Both of my kids are sensitive/creative as well. Care, love and empathy go a long way. These types love with all their beings, but the downside is that they are sensitive, almost hypersensitive to what is around and inside them.

 

:iagree: I was a sensitive child and am a mother to an even more sensitive daughter. I'm more of a suck-it up mom though however that only makes it worse here. There seems to be a fine line between not allowing the drama and also trying to comfort her.

 

fwiw I'm an adult who doesn't and strongly prefers not to use tampons. I can well understand a young girl who has had few periods resisting them and I don't see pushing that issue.

 

Your dh sounds very caring and sensitive, hopefully all will have a great time on your rescheduled trip.

[gingersmom]

I would get another opinion or just make an appointment with an occupational therapist. SPD can be so hard on teens because they are old enough to know that their reactions aren't normal. It can be quite upsetting for them. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Hoot]

Well, if it's possible to reschedule and your DH is okay with it, I would do that. This is a big family vacation and I think it would be awful if she couldn't participate. I'm not a tampon person either and only used them on my honeymoon because we had a pool and jacuzzi in our hotel suite. I've never touched them again because they were so disgusting. I do use a Diva Cup now, which I find to be much more do-able.

 

Now, that said, I'm a BIG "suck it up and deal" kind of person. The other drama would SO. NOT. FLY. with me. Can't deal with a little dentist visit or some of life's other bits that aren't suitable? Well, that's just tough. Life is not all about you and you're going to have to learn to get over it.

[nd293]

Dd also got very upset the first couple of times her period interfered with swimming. She was also horrified at the thought of a tampon. Eventually she figured out she could get wet without swimming - water balloon fights, throwing buckets of water etc - and still join in the fun. For her the explanation is most difficult - earache is a good excuse.

[Chris in VA]

I'm glad you rescheduled. Great Wolf is basically all about water slides and the pool for a 12yo--there isn't much else there that is age-appropriate, so I think it was the kindest thing to do.

 

I would definitely get a handle on the anxiety thing, tho. It doesn't always get better with age, it just may go "underground," and then you run the risk of having a teen who may be so anxious that she self-medicates, or tries to control her surroundings inappropriately, or even gets to the point where she just acts and doesn't even "feel" the anxiety because it becomes normal to her but still her body reacts to it.

 

:grouphug:

[clarkacademy]

We were suppose to be going to Great Wolf Lodge tomorrow. But DD12 got braces today. Ok, the plan was to still go. Then she got her period today...11 days late. (It's her first year so irregularity is normal.) She asked, in tears, if she could just stay home because she couldn't stand the sight of watching us have fun in the water when she couldn't go in.

 

No, she absolutely will not entertain the idea of using a tampon...in a small junior one.

 

Rescheduling is going to cost us $110 more. DH is willing to pay the extra so she can go when she's not recovering from braces and not on her period. But what if she gets her period on the new day? We cannot reschedule twice.

 

I tried talking to her about tampons and she was crying hysterically just talking about it. This kind of reaction is "normal" for her.

 

She cried like this for the first 10 years of her life over the thought of getting her face wet. I asked for OT for her. Our ped thought she was old enough to reason with. When he tried talking to her about getting her face wet, she was sobbing. And she cried through months and months of swimming lessons. And she cried like this when the first orthodontist we visited said parents were not allowed in the treatment area. We didn't even make it into the appointment; we walked out. Our dentist once tried to do a filling without me there; they had to come get me to help calm her.

 

Ideas on how to deal with this? I can't believe that at 12, we are still dealing with crying over little things.

 

No I wouldn't reschedule. This is life get over it and move on. Do you think you have maybe tried too much reasoning? There are some things that just are not going to get debated or coddled and I would stop doing it. For the record my 15 year old daughter would never ever use a tampon. We don't purposely go swimming when it is that time of the month for her but if we had plans like this she would never ask to rescedule.

 

She knows it is life, move on and deal. She also had braces a few years ago and she wouldn't have acted as if it was the end of the world. I was never allowed act like that either. Children do act as they have been allowed to act sometimes. I am all about babying my kids when they are hurt or sick but things like this? Nope, let's go.

 

She is 12 now and this has been going on forever, what will it be like when she is 16? My oldest son has autism. He has some major issues and he wouldn't be allowed to behave that way for no good reason. He also goes back to see a dentist alone. He don't like it and we all hear about it, but he wouldn't break down sobbing either.

[Guest submarines]

My dd is like yours. While I would have liked to be a "suck it up" parent, that is not how you parent an anxious/sensitive child. Nor how you stay happily married to one when they grow up. Ask me how I know. :glare:

 

I speak as calmly as possible. I ask her to look outside herself, to see if she can see or feel the drama. I also do a lot of affirmations of what I know she is feeling. I am not really at all sensitive or dramatic and I don't like being told to suck it up or that I have no right to be upset. So I can always put myself in her shoes ESPECIALLY when hormonal, and see how the reaction is not rational but it is happening.

 

Honestly, a family vacation at the pool would be no fun for me without my girl there. I would absolutely reschedule but tell her that if anything like this comes up when it's planned again, we would not be able to.

 

And for heaven's sakes, we as women should have some sensitivity to our girls in their first year of their period. This is very, very new territory. It's scary even. My dd won't go near a tampon either, and is so private she won't let me discuss helping her with it. She missed a friend's swim party during her first period and had to be okay with it. But I would not make her miss a family vacation by sitting on the sidelines like it's some kind of punishment that she won't use a tampon. I think that's just mean.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[homeforthelord]

I think rescheduling was the kind, considerate thing to do.

 

It's hard to step out of your self sometimes and understand that everyone else doesn't experience things the same way you do. I'm with Heather on the braces! It was brutal! It was so painful, and the first week or so the inside of my mouth was totally cut up by the braces. Agony. As for periods, mine were atrocious. Not only was I curled up in a ball crying from the cramping, but I usually spent the first day vomiting. Every single month. When I was 24 and getting married, I would still vomit the first day of my period. After my first pregnancy, that stopped. Now, to someone for whom braces or their period was just a breeze with no problems, they would point a finger and cry - "drama!" Not so. It was pain. And just because other people didn't share that experience, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. KWIM? So, I'd definitely extend grace in this area. (And, by the way, my parents certainly never did. Sigh. They were "get over it" types.)

 

And, honestly, after all that time of trying to overcome a sensory problem with water, I think it is a good thing that she is upset she can't swim. Isn't that better than crying about not wanting to swim in the first place?

[Kertie]

Well, I'm probably going to sound like an insensitive you know what....but I don't do hysterical, over the top, dramatic crying from kids. I would just say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is a trip for the whole family, not just for you. I'm also sorry that you're having a hard time, but that doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer for it. There is a way that you can still swim with your period. That's entirely your decision if you want to try it or not. However, I will not tolerate the histrionics. So, we are going and if you choose not to swim, then make sure you bring enough things to occupy yourself by the pool."

 

I would probably buy her a new book or whatever else might help her feel better about feeling "left out", but I would NOT make the rest of my family miss out on a vacation because someone has their period. Especially if it was going to cost me money.

 

However, I am a very "Suck it up, Buttercup" kind of person. Because if I don't teach my children these lessons....the world will. And society won't be the least bit nice about it.

 

:iagree:

 

I haven't been to GWL, but from the website it looks like there are portions of the water park that your daughter could accompany your younger children in where she could "enjoy" (no guarantees, obviously!) some time in shallow water while watching the youngers. She could wear a pad with her suit and board shorts or whatever. Looks like the wave pool could be like wading in the ocean. Maybe with a task to do, she could look beyond her own misery and end up having fun:).

[Nakia]

Well considering how awful I feel when I'm having my period, I would be so upset if we had the opportunity to reschedule but decided not to! I'm glad you did reschedule, and I also think your husband sounds like a very kind and sweet guy!

 

I have an anxious child as well. I tried the "suck it up" attitude, but it just does not work with a child with true anxiety disorder. Parenting Emma has taught me how to be gentle and let a child go at their own pace. I do believe braces and getting her period could cause any girl to be hysterical, anxiety or not! And how could the rest of your family play and have fun while their sister/daughter sat on the sidelines? Our family couldn't stand that!

 

:grouphug: Good job, mom and dad!

[Ruby Rose]

Braces and a period at that age when periods are really hard...that's a tough time. I'd reschedule, but let her know that it will be the only time you will reschedule because you understand that with the teeth and cramps it would be a really rotten time for her. I have a very sensitive child and I'm pretty sensitive myself. I'd want the experience to be as enjoyable as possible for the whole family. Can you go in 2 or 3 weeks?

[MercyA]

I think rescheduling was the kind, considerate thing to do.

 

It's hard to step out of your self sometimes and understand that everyone else doesn't experience things the same way you do.

 

:iagree: I was so glad to hear you rescheduled. I hope you all have a wonderful vacation!