How supportive is your spouse?

[Sun]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do?

 

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do?

 

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen?

 

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you?

 

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support?

 

I'm including a multiple-choice poll. You can vote for as many options as you want.

[fairfarmhand]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do?

 

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do? yes.

 

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen?

yes, but we'd have to both think it over carefully and come to the correct decision. IOW, it could not be an impulsive thing.

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you? he has in the past

 

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support? I do things with his support.

 

I'm including a multiple-choice poll. You can vote for as many options as you want.

.

[Sun]

Poll is up. The options are very limited, but I hope that can capture some of the variations that I hear people express here and IRL.

[Joker]

Dh is very supportive. He has rearranged his work schedule a few times while I've gone back to school. It's something I do with his support, not his permission.

[Dana]

Some people have work schedules that just aren't flexible.

 

My husband is lucky to have a flexible schedule generally. He's taken time off to go on trips with us, doctor's appointments, and is around when I need him.

 

He's a major proponent of homeschooling for us - and has even taken over recently after my son and I had a major butting of heads. He now teaches when he comes home from work :) It's been an encouragement to me to hear him saying some of the things I say regularly!

 

Despite that, if I said I didn't want to (couldn't) homeschool any more, that would be okay too. It's what's best for all of us as a family first, then any individual members - and he'll put himself last.

 

I'm very grateful for his complete support. Couldn't do it without him. (Of course, if he weren't that type of guy anyway, I wouldn't have had a child with him.)

[elegantlion]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do?

 

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do?

 

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen?

 

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you?

 

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support?

 

I'm including a multiple-choice poll. You can vote for as many options as you want.

 

Yes, my spouse does things to support me. He gives me time and space. He gives what he can. Resources are an issue at times, but he rarely says no.

 

Money is always an issue here, but he'd support me on whatever path I decide to take (as long as it involves him still being around). I don't think he'd support me going on a world tour or a cross country trip alone, but I wouldn't want to go without him either.

 

He's not in a position now to rearrange his work schedule, but when he was self-employed he would.

 

Emotional support of my spouse is important. I probably don't give him enough credit for letting me do my own thing a lot of the time. We're a team, so it's not just him "allowing" or me "allowing" him to fish every weekend morning. We have interests/hobbies that don't involve each other.

 

For something that requires money and scheduling he's been accommodating in the past. Budget is tight right now, so we've all had to give up some things. He doesn't question what I spend for school.

[Parrothead]

Dh can set his own days off within certain parameters. If I need, really need, him to be off he will take off if there isn't anything important going on.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh's work schedule is not flexible. He's had to make it flex some for important health stuff but I would never want or expect him to flex it for anything less than that. My kids are older though. I can do what I want most of the time without dh having to do too much to making it so that I can do what I want.

[UndercoverPrincess]

DH is very helpful!

[Runningmom80]

The person that's supported me the most in my life is my DH. He has a flexible work schedule, and never hesitates to accommodate me.

[SailorMom]

Well - you don't have an other and amazingly, none of your answers apply to me, even though you have a lot :)

 

My spouse supports just about everything I want to do and have done. He is absolutely awesome that way, and will do everything in his power to help me. We are in no way a 'man led' household, so no 'permission' here either.... but I do respect his opinion, and we discuss major life events, occurrences, possibilities, etc.

 

However, rearranging a work schedule is impossible for him being that he is in the military. Occasionally he'll be able to ask for time off if one of our sons has a game (soccer or football) or a boy scout camp-out that DH really wants to try to go on - but asking and getting are two very different things. When I had my second knee surgery, he was able to take two days off to help me out as well, but he had to take vacation days for that.

 

Also - I wouldn't think that a lot of single income families would have that luxury no matter how supportive the spouse is. I can't imagine, even if my DH wasn't military, him risking our one source of income that way. If it in no way could possibly affect his job, then sure, but I honestly don't think I know anyone who has that kind of job.

Edited September 11, 2012 by SailorMom

[Mimm]

My husband is very supportive and will do anything in his power to help me do what I want. In the past he has rearranged his work schedule, taken time off and very much inconvenienced himself for my sake.

[angela in ohio]

Dh supports me very much, and he will do what he can. That usually doesn't extend to changing his work schedule, because he just can't. That's the nature of his job. He will do anything else, though. And if there is a *true* emergency, he is there immediately, no matter what.

 

We have a very conservative, traditional Christian marriage. I'm very careful about putting dh and my kiddos first, and I think he responds to that by encouraging me and supporting me. He doesn't "let" me do anything, we discuss each of our wants and needs and prioritize together. He will always be the one to sacrifice when money or time stretch thin, though, and dc or I need something. Honestly, he spoils us a bit. :D

[Carrie12345]

Dh does what he can.

Sometimes he can rearrange work for a one-time event. It is impossible for him to commit to a long-term schedule without potentially alienating a client and affecting our income.

[PuddleJumper1]

Dh is very supportive of whatever I dream up to do :001_smile: If he could he would change his work schedule but being a ps teacher it's not that easy. He's always telling me to find something I want to do and he'll make it happen.

 

If it is something that needs to happen dh will take off work whether it's a paid day or not. We have on occasion reached the end of his alotted days off toward the end of the year. This would be medical in nature for the most part.

Edited September 11, 2012 by StillLearning

[Georgiana Daniels]

My hubby is amazingly supportive--but he'd never change his work schedule. NEVER. BUT, the reason he works 70+ hours a week is so I CAN homeschool the kids and I have the freedom to pursue a writing career. Without his generosity of spirit in that regard, there's no way I'd be living the dream.

[SilverMoon]

Mine is very supportive, and has rearranged the parts of his schedule that are in his power to rearrange just for me. He does encourage me to find things for myself, and he'll do what it takes to make it happen if he can. He's awesome. :001_smile:

[SailorMom]

My hubby is amazingly supportive--but he'd never change his work schedule. NEVER. BUT, the reason he works 70+ hours a week is so I CAN homeschool the kids and I have the freedom to pursue a writing career. Without his generosity of spirit in that regard, there's no way I'd be living the dream.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

My DH is supporting what amounts to 4 adults (kids are teens now). I rarely ask or expect him to try to get time off or change shifts.

[JenMama]

Mine's very supportive of any decisions I make and directions I'd like to head. His contribution is financial. We use his vacation time for vacations, so anything I'd like to accomplish is on my own. Because all of our career eggs are in his basket, we both agree that he needs to focus there - he can get home anytime between 6:30 and midnight, and that's all good as long as he keeps us updated.

[Hwin]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do? extremely supportive.

 

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do? yes. he basically put his life on hold when he met me and starting putting me through college as soon as we were engaged... and never stopped supporting me.

 

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen?

Trip, no, it would just be such a ridiculous thing for me to ask to do right now, but if I wanted to go back to school he would support it 110%.

 

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you?

Yes, he does it all the time. He even took a worse job to accommodate my schedule.

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support?

It's always a joint decision. He probably supports me TOO much. I have recently had to tell him to do things for himself (like take college classes), or tell me no, instead of just enabling me all the time LOL

[luvnlattes]

My dh is very supportive of things I want to do and I think of him as my biggest cheerleader, but that doesn't always mean he is immediately on board. There have been times when I've brought things up and he'll ask me pointed questions about why or how I plan to do something. He's not being condescending or antagonistic, he typically has my best interest at heart and wants to make sure I've thought things through. Once we've finished discussing things and he knows my heart, he'll typically give me his full support, or I'll change my mind because he's brought up something that I hadn't thought about.

 

He has re-arranged his work schedule for me to be able to go on retreats and to conventions but it's typically short-term things like that. I don't ask him to do this often because it's his job that provides for our lifestyle and I wouldn't want to jeopardize that.

 

If it were for a long term thing like me getting a job or going to school, I would most likely try to work around his schedule since he's the breadwinner. Now if my new job brought home more than his, he would be more apt to juggle his schedule :D .

[LucyStoner]

My husband supports me anyway he possibly can, and I return the favor. He has switched jobs, cut hours, increased hours and flexed his schedule for our family.

[PeacefulChaos]

I chose the 1st, 3rd, and last options - basically yes, he is supportive. :)

I just wanted to add that both of us feel that family should come first before individual wants. I didn't choose that option in the poll because of the wording - and because DH doesn't value his comfort over me or vice versa. :). But we do think that family is our number one priority, and any decision made that would negatively affect the family for personal gain would be weighed very heavily.

[marbel]

I picked Spouse tends to support everything I want to do and will help make it happen because that's the closest I could come.

 

Being flexible with work is not necessarily something he can do. He is the provider for our family and that comes first, before "things we want to do."

 

Right now we are in a huge transition with him finishing seminary and a pastoral internship and now looking for work. So our life is a little weird and not easy to put in a compartment right now. Still, his work comes first as we are committed to me as a homeschooling mom. (Plus I've been out of the workforce for a long time and could not make much money at least at the beginning.)

 

My husband wants me to be a contented wife and mother. He will do what he can to that end. But of course what he can do is limited.

 

I don't think of him giving permission. I don't ask permission, nor does he. We discuss things we want to do and come to agreement together. For example, the decision for him to quit his job to go back to school was a decision we made together. He didn't ask permission nor was he even the one to bring up the idea. (I brought it up initially.) He actually encouraged me to attend classes at his seminary while he was there, but the logistics just didn't work out at that time for us.

 

So, yes, extremely supportive but with limitations imposed by the life we have chosen together.

[BrookValley.]

Yes, my husband is very supportive of anything I want to do. Possibly, he's too supportive--he can be a total enabler, actually, even when I know I shouldn't, for example, spend the money to do something. Or even when it's something he just dislikes, like when I brought home a pair of Sebastapol goslings this spring. :tongue_smilie: (I have a lot of poultry, and he does NOT like birds or taking care of them when I need help.) He's also very supportive of me finishing my degree, my insane and busy work schedule, and homeschooling.

 

His work schedule is not very flexible right now, but he can and will take off if it is possible, even for frivolous stuff. For example, he'll probably take a day off here shortly so I can spend the day in DC at the International Horse Show with a friend. It's a yearly tradition for us, and my kiddo is 5 and doesn't have the patience to sit and watch for an entire day. My husband will gladly take off a day and have boy's day off with our son while I have my girl's day at the horse show. It's just something little, but he'll make it happen.

 

Yeah, he's pretty cool. :D

[thepoteetteam]

Let's just say, my husband asked me how I felt about Homeschooling on our FIRST date. My answer was, "what is the world is THAT?":tongue_smilie:

[dirty ethel rackham]

While dh doesn't actively encourage me to go do things for myself, he is very supportive of me pursuing interests. When I had a childbirth education business, he was supportive of me not going back to my full-time job. He took the kids out regularly so that I could study for my certification. On teaching days, he helped me clean the house and he took the kids out on teaching nights. Eventually, I was able to find space outside of the house so as not to interfere with the kids bedtime routine.

 

With my book business, he helps me with some of the physical labor (such as packing the car for big events.) On occasion where it was possible, he came home early so I could go to work. His work schedule isn't super flexible so he can't make permanent changes. However, when I have been in a bind (mostly with dog/childcare issues,) he has taken some time off or worked from home.

[nukeswife]

My husband is always supportive of any endeavors I wish to try out/take. As to the ability to rearrange his schedule, well, that's not really an option because his schedule is what the Navy tells him it is. Leave is possible, but sometimes the needs of the Navy just don't allow for us to take trips or things like that when we'd really like to.

[Harriet Vane]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do?

 

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do? He will do anything I ask and will suffer huge personal inconveniences so that I can have what my heart desires. That said, sometimes if what I ask is not urgent, he is pretty slow about getting around to it, and needs reminders. ;)

 

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen? Absolutely

 

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you? He has whenever I have asked, bless him.

 

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support? Me doing something with his support.

 

I'm including a multiple-choice poll. You can vote for as many options as you want.

.

[Gentlemommy]

I'm pretty much on my own. Dh doesn't support the things I'd like to do. Certain things I can do and figure out other people who can help me, but there are a few life changing dreams I have that I would not do without dh's support. He is not supportive of them at this time though.:(

[phathui5]

Spouse moved all the way from New York to Oregon so that I could be an apprentice midwife at a birth center. :)

[DawnM]

If he can't change his work schedule I completely understand. I would rather him keep his job!

 

I have gotten one MA after kids and we either had sitters or he could get home in time.

 

When we both worked I needed him to arrange his work schedule more. Now he mostly just arranges it for scouting activities if he can.

 

As far as homeschooling, HE is the one who begged ME to hs. I had no intention of quitting my full time job to stay at home! :lol:

[Soror]

My husband is very supportive, but I don't really see it as a feasible option for him to rearrange his work schedule. His work is our only financial support and not really that flexible, I don't see that as indicative as his lack of support.

[Unicorn.]

I voted supports and will help make it happen, but won't change work schedule. But he would if he could. He's a public school teacher, so his schedule is pretty set! :lol: He will/has taken the day off if I've needed him to, though.

[Crimson Wife]

My DH's work is not very flexible, though he has occasionally been able to arrange to telecommute for the day if it's a really important appointment that I cannot bring the kids to.

 

If I wanted to go back to school, DH would be supportive emotionally and financially to the point he is able, but unless it's a one-time thing like an admissions interview, he wouldn't be able to re-arrange his work schedule or telecommute to help me out.

 

In terms of taking a trip, it would really depend if it were a vacation or something like traveling to a major competition. Oldest DD does spelling bees, and if she were ever to make the finals of the Scripps Howard NSB, I know DH would try to attend if at all possible.

[lailasmum]

Hmmmm. I am sure my dh thinks he is more supportive than he actually is. He has managed to get a morning off once or twice so I could take my youngest to a dentist appointment but that is over the entire time we have had kids. I've done a ton of kids hospital appointments and pretty much all pregnancy stuff on my own and generally sort most things myself. I personally don't think he is super supportive. Anything I want to do really needs to be sorted out myself or when he has time off anyway. It makes it hard to keep up with my own medical/dental appointments. I rely on my mum alot.

 

I don't think it is on purpose though, I think he is a very poor forward planner in his life so doesn't really think of what needs to get done/sorted out etc. He tends not to think beyond the week he is in. The only thing that really annoys me is that I have accidentally read him complaining to a friend of his on facebook messenger (we shared a computer for a while and he left the conversation open) about how much he has supported my different projects so I think he thinks he is super supportive. I think all the things he compained about are things I gave up because I didn't have the support. I think he sees them as examples of my failure and maybe a reason to not bother. It bugs me less these days as I know his limits and can work with them.

[eternalknot]

I married into active duty, so re-arranging his work schedule isn't always feasible but he's done it where and when he's been able to. He's volunteered for much less desireable duty stations and overseas assignments with my (financially unnecessary but important-to-me) job in mind. I feel he recognizes and appreciates the sacrifices I've made for him/his job, and he's willing to return the favor. In that sense, he's always been extremely supportive.

 

As for support making other things happen? I don't rely on his support for that. I don't think I ever have. I live with extended family so it's never really even come up (trips, back to school, etc.) because it can/does happen independent of his support. We're not just "us" we function within a larger family unit. It's never been a problem for either of us to do what we wanted to do WRT school, travel, trips, work.

 

My husband and I talk things through, but it's never me soliciting anything more than his insight and opinion (definitely not his permission). We've never operated any other way. His parents are in the "let" camp; his associations with that arrangment are reflective of things gone poorly, not things done as-its-ideally-supposed-to-be.

 

He's not able to offer day-to-day hands-on specific support but he's always been behind me for the big stuff. I'm not complaining, I prefer it to the alternative.

[Hoot]

I know that people have very different expectations of their spouses, but just, in general, how supportive is your spouse of the things you want to do? It's complicated. When it's something simple like taking DS to a play or local attraction, he usually grumbles but goes along with it. If it's something I want personally for my own fulfillment, he is typically not supportive at all unless it is free and doesn't impact him in any way.

Is your spouse willing to put himself (or herself) out in order to help you do something you'd like to do?If it is something that must be done, then yes. Again, if it simply something for my own fulfillment, then no.

If you wanted to do something like take a trip or go back to school (assuming money is not an issue), would he help you make it happen? No. We actually had this discussion not too long ago. I met him right out of high-school on my summer job between high-school and college. We were married shortly thereafter. I then got pregnant a few months later and never ended up making it to college. I desperately want to take classes to become a Vet Tech. I took one preliminary class and worked my butt off to get a 97%. He has now said that I can't take any further classes right now because it's too expensive and I'm not bringing in as much income as I was before homeschooling. The kicker is that the funds are there in part, he's just rather stingy when it comes to money.

 

As for taking a trip, in general, no. I was asked to go to Kenya a few years ago to visit an orphanage that I was working with but he nixed it due to funds. Again, at the time the money was available; he was just not willing to part with it.

 

 

Would he rearrange his work schedule or take time off to help you?

Again, if it were something necessary such as him having to go in late in order to drop DS off at co-op while I'm at work, then, yes, he will do that.The only reason though, is because I am making money. If I were taking a class, he would not be so amenable. He is however, good about driving us places when things occur in the evening so that I don't have to drive in the dark. It is not without complaining, but he does it.

Do you think of it as him letting you do something, or do you think of it as you doing something with his support?

 

It is definitely an issue of him "letting" me right now. DS is still at home and I'm not able to be as free as I will be when he's gone to college. Ideally, at that point I'll have a bit more personal financial flexibility to do what I want. That said, I'm not the type of person to just up and enroll in college or fly off to Kenya with him actively saying, "no." I would want it to be a mutual decision.

 

 

ETA: I should add though that he has been amazingly supportive of my passion for animals. He has tolerated me bringing home quite a number of critters over the years, with only one caveat: absolutely NO dogs.

Edited September 11, 2012 by contessa20

[Mommy22alyns]

DH supports me pretty much 100%. His work schedule is mildly flexible and I don't ask him to mess with it (ask for days off) much at all. But when I do, he makes it work. For example, he has every other weekend off. My oldest has gymnastics meets this fall and they'd be on every weekend he works unless he had them rearrange his schedule. So he did it. Thank goodness!