Influencing a teen daughter not to cut her hair

[Parrothead]

My boys did NOT get the memo. At 7 and 10 they aren't so great about caring for their hair. :001_huh:

Aren't boys generally late bloomers? :D

[-M-]

Aren't boys generally late bloomers? :D

 

Um, yes. "I'm clean, handsome, and I smell good. What else is there?"

 

Matching socks and a hairstyle, perhaps?

[dangermom]

I'd let her cut her hair if she wants it short.

 

BUT do some research into Locks of Love first. Some people have mentioned this but it seems to be getting ignored. Locks of Love is not necessarily what people think it is, so do the research first.

[Tutor]

At fifteen, I think she's old enough to decide how she wants to cut her hair. It's a fairly harmless means of self-expression, and if she's doing it for a good cause besides, I see no reason to tell her no. And you never know, it might end up looking really cute.

:iagree:

 

My 15yo dd did this recently. Her dad and I were fine with it, but dd and I had to fight with the hairdresser to get it done. (She's had a few angry daddies come in and threaten her because she cut thier daughters' hair, so I don't blame her for being a tad hesitant.) Once it was cut, my dd looked *fantastic* and the hairdresser apologized for fighting her on it. Dh and I agreed long ago that hair was not worth fighting over.

[sparrow]

Goodness. It's *hair*. Let her cut it. I did super short, ON ONE SIDE, long bangs to my chin on the other and three, count 'em, THREE tails :rolleyes: when I was 15. Pictures with that cut are my absolute favorites of my teens. When I got my driver's license at 16, it's a modified version of that cut and I had a persistent head tilt to see around my bangs :001_smile:. I refuse to throw my old license out!

 

My kids are free to do whatever they want with *their* hair.

[MelanieM]

You seem to have some strong hang-ups about your own history with hair. I think making it into a big hairy deal (he he) with your daughter is a good way to ensure she has the same issues. The more you have to say on the subject, the more I think it would be a real blessing for her if you cared a little less about her appearance, and supported her in caring more about doing some good than about how she looks. Right now, it seems like the path to either 1) extreme hair rebellion at the first opportunity or 2) extreme hair vanity and self-criticism.

 

But... this all comes from someone who decided to hack a few chunks out of her hair with a razor a couple weeks ago because getting to a salon wasn't immediately possible and whether or not the hair turned out looking ok was mostly irrelevant. Now I'm wondering if I should go give myself a pixie before bed...

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Aren't boys generally late bloomers? :D

 

No! Girls are early. :tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Florida]

You seem to have some strong hang-ups about your own history with hair. I think making it into a big hairy deal (he he) with your daughter is a good way to ensure she has the same issues. The more you have to say on the subject, the more I think it would be a real blessing for her if you cared a little less about her appearance, and supported her in caring more about doing some good than about how she looks. Right now, it seems like the path to either 1) extreme hair rebellion at the first opportunity or 2) extreme hair vanity and self-criticism.

 

Agreed on all counts, especially the part I bolded.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'd let her cut her hair if she wants it short.

 

BUT do some research into Locks of Love first. Some people have mentioned this but it seems to be getting ignored. Locks of Love is not necessarily what people think it is, so do the research first.

 

:iagree:

[SkateLeft]

She'll have her driver's license, but her hair would still be in short layers.

 

If a kid is responsible enough to learn to drive, they're probably responsible enough to make their own hair decisions. :tongue_smilie:

[sparrow]

Short hair in general: what do people say? It was "cute." It's "cute." Emma Watson's post-Hermione Granger hair is "cute." UGG! I don't aspire to look cute and I can't say I want my gorgeous daughter to look cute. Emma before pixie was beautiful, now she's cute.

 

Audrey Hepburn is beautiful.

 

[Shawna in Texas]

I'm sort of obsessed with pixie cuts. I even have a Pinterest board dedicated to them. I got one 3 years ago and I haven't looked back. I actually think it's even more versatile because when my hair was longer I mostly wore it up.

 

As for my daughter, I'd say nearly 3/4 of her head is shaved, but the top is still there. She can fake a pixie cut from the front. And it's a gorgeous shade of baby blue. I think she's beautiful.

 

Just searching pixie cuts on Google images makes me swoon.

[LucyStoner]

Not everyone feels the same about this. My dh prefers shorter hair on women.

 

Mine too. I don't always keep it short for him but I don't let it get past my shoulders mainly because he likes it shorter than that.

[Caroline]

I love all of these pictures of girls with short hair. I think it looks sophisticated. Of course, I can't stand it when my hair gets much past my chin.

[DianeW88]

Also...don't be so confident that your dd won't go out and get her hair chopped off on her own. Or even more typically at that age, a friend wraps it in a 10 inch ponytail and hacks it off for her. These decisions are often made impulsively at that age...especially if the teen girl feels her mom has "shot her down". All it takes is one or two friends to say, "You don't need to go to a salon. I'll do it for you. I'll make it look cute.". I can't count the number of teen girls I know who have played beauty salon...myself included. It was the worse perm of my life. My mom had to take me to have it professionally straightened. :lol:

 

Also, I think your comments regarding the importance of hair are coming off as incredibly shallow, vain and insensitive. That type of thinking makes anyone ugly...no matter what they may look like on the outside, and other people can see that a mile away. I wouldn't think you'd want to foster that same smallness, insecurity and ugliness in your dd.

[WishboneDawn]

Okay, I just discussed this with her. I put her hair in a 'tail and measured the 'tail. She could cut it and have it at chin-length to wear. She said she would like that; that she has an idea for that. She is also willing to wait a while longer so it won't be just barely 10".

 

I'm just thinking the "hair is nothing" posts in this thread are wrong. :tongue_smilie: Sorry to be so blunt about it. If hair was nothing, there would be no such thing as Locks of Love to begin with. A lot of children would rather have a beautiful head of "hair" than to be bald. So, obviously, hair is not "nothing." But whatever. I'm vain like that.

 

I don't think hair is nothing myself and that's why I'm on the let-her-do-what-she-wants side. Regardless, I'm glad you guys figured it out.

[WishboneDawn]

:iagree: Wholeheartedly.

 

I also don't think that it's about you. I think you're a caring mother who doesn't want her daughter to make a mistake.

 

:iagree:

I may think you're wrong Quill but I don't doubt that you're a good and thoughtful mom.

[PeacefulChaos]

First off, OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable or selfish or making it about you. :)

I did, earlier in the thread, say 'it's just hair' - I just want to follow up by saying that no, I don't think hair is nothing, but at the same time it does grow out - it isn't a permanent thing. :) And I personally think it could be good for someone to have to live with the consequences of getting their hair cut a way they don't necessarily end up liking - they'll think harder about it next time. ;) I may not like my current haircut, and short hair makes me personally feel kind of like a boy, but I don't really think it's a big deal - it will grow.

That said, I'm glad that you and your daughter have worked something out. It could be possible that next time she'll be more set on something like that, but the fact that she's not really fighting for it would say to me that it wasn't necessarily something she had thought through completely anyway. And that's ok, too. :)

 

I'm sort of obsessed with pixie cuts. I even have a Pinterest board dedicated to them. I got one 3 years ago and I haven't looked back. I actually think it's even more versatile because when my hair was longer I mostly wore it up.

 

As for my daughter, I'd say nearly 3/4 of her head is shaved, but the top is still there. She can fake a pixie cut from the front. And it's a gorgeous shade of baby blue. I think she's beautiful.

 

Just searching pixie cuts on Google images makes me swoon.

I would so love to see a picture of her hair. :)

[Chris in VA]

You know, I find this discussion fascinating.

 

I had long hair for much of my life. About a year after I went thru a major depression, I was called to be on a special retreat team for something called Cursillo. I decided to get my bra-length hair cut quite short. I felt like a nun, getting shorn. No, really, it was a spiritual experience for me. My hair had become part of my identity, and I wanted to do something to change, to let go--being of service at the Cursillo and cutting my hair are how I expressed that.

 

Hair length can symbolize something deeper. It obviously seems to, to you, OP. I don't think that is wrong. You have spent a long time talking about your fear of the discomfort you think your dd will experience if she cuts it short. (I know, you've solved it already--yay!--but here's a chance to go deeper.) Is there something else? Does longer hair symbolize something to you?

 

You don't have to answer. :D

 

My own dd's hair is special to me. I'll be totally honest and self-revealing, even if I'm a little shallow--I am glad she is attractive, because I wasn't at her age, and I am both feeling relieved that she won't have to go thru bullying about looks (tho it could be something else, who knows...) and feeling a little, well, like I'm living somewhat vicariously thru her. I have to be really careful about both of those things, and separate appropriately. It's easier because I'm aware of it and honest about it, and I'd encourage you to look at how much emphasis you put on her looks while you are trying to protect her from all the yuck that can happen for a teen.

 

And I want to give you this, too--:grouphug: because I don't think you are really shallow, I think you are a bit realistic about how others perceive appearances and don't want to have your "little girl" hurt, both because you don't want her hurt, and because you don't want to hurt.

 

Here's a pic, a "blow up" of my new avatar--just because it shows her amazing hair. LOL! Yeah, ok, maybe I'm totally shallow!

Edited August 6, 2012 by Chris in VA

[Shawna in Texas]

I would so love to see a picture of her hair. :)

 

[BigMamaBird]

This has been a very interesting thread for me. My 7 year old recently expressed an interest in getting her hair cut short like mine. I love my short hair, but I also love her long, blond hair!

[Chris in VA]

Oh, she's so pretty! Like a little wood sprite or something! What a lovely look in her eyes.

[stripe]

I think that by the time one is ready to care for one's own hair one has final say-so over it. So by about age 5 parents should have very little to say about hair.

 

I get what you're saying, but most 5 year olds don't take themselves to get their hair cut.

[PeacefulChaos]

Here's a pic, a "blow up" of my new avatar--just because it shows her amazing hair. LOL! Yeah, ok, maybe I'm totally shallow!

I just wanted to chime in and say her hair is awesome. I SO wish my hair looked like that when it was long! :tongue_smilie:

 

I LOVE it!! :)

 

(We can see, from this post, that I like pretty much everything, I think... :D :lol: )

[annandatje]

Please do nothing except tell her how proud you are of her for her giving kind spirit. Then facilitate getting the cut for her.

 

If her appearance is shocking to you, continue the focus on her selfless act while telling her it will take a little time for you to get used to the new look.

 

Super short cuts are easy to care for and look darn cute. She may decide to keep the short look for a few years.

 

One of my daughters has been harvesting her incredibly fast-growning hair for Locks of Love since she was twelve.

[jewellsmommy]

Dd is 10, not a teen, but we just went through this. She just woke up one day and decided that she wanted a pixie cut. I was very surprised. I was terrified that she would not like it. I showed her pictures of pixie cuts, and she was adamant that she wanted it cut. So we did. I was sooo nervous. But she really like it. :001_smile: Dh loves it and I have adjusted. I now think it is adorable. She looks more mature, which was the hardest part for me. I could see her as a teen with this cut. It is spunky and trendy looking with her eyeglasses. It just fits her really well and I honestly did not think it would. I was wrong. :tongue_smilie: She says she wants to keep it short. So, who knows, maybe she will. Short hair is a gamble, but it either works out or you learn from it.

[KnitWit]

After seeing a friend who had GORGEOUS hair that she was known for (as in, she got modeling jobs based upon her HAIR!) LOSE her hair and after watching her struggle with her self-worth as it came out by the handfuls, I don't think I could allow my dd's to get so attached to their hair.

 

I don't even remember what the final story was on her hair, I just know that she went through a period of time where several things stressed her and her hair just fell out. :(

Edited August 6, 2012 by MSPolly

[justasque]

You'all might like a little music break.

 

 

An excellent commentary on the subject at hand. Lyrics here.

Edited August 6, 2012 by askPauline

[Jenny in Florida]

After seeing a friend who had GORGEOUS hair that she was known for (as in, she got modeling jobs based upon her HAIR!) LOSE her hair and watching her struggle with her self-worth as it came out by the handfuls, I don't think I could allow my dd's to get so attached to their hair.

 

That's a good point, too.

 

My best friend from elementary school loved her long blond hair. She was so proud the day her mom took her to a real salon for a nice hair cut before the first day of fourth grade.

 

Before that school year was over, she'd been diagnosed with hydrocephaly. She had the first of what would become several surgeries that required her head to be shaved. She was devastated. The following year, she had another surgery. That time, she begged that they shave only the part of her head that was absolutely necessary. They promised. They shaved her whole head, anyway.

 

She spent the rest of her shortened life always in the process of trying to grow her hair out again after the most recent surgery. Not long after her 16th birthday, the doctors finally determined that the initial problems with fluid on the brain were probably caused by a tumor. By the time they found it, there was no surgery that would have helped (at that time). She died before her 19th birthday.

 

The very idea that anyone might have found her any less beautiful because she had less hair makes me want to either cry or scream.

[Kathryn]

I would share my opinion but not try to stop her from going through with it if she still wants to. Some things can be best learned from experience, and hairstyles aren't permanent.

 

After seeing a friend who had GORGEOUS hair that she was known for (as in, she got modeling jobs based upon her HAIR!) LOSE her hair and after watching her struggle with her self-worth as it came out by the handfuls, I don't think I could allow my dd's to get so attached to their hair.

 

I don't even remember what the final story was on her hair, I just know that she went through a period of time where several things stressed her and her hair just fell out. :(

 

And that was exactly my point. Self-worth should not be tied to physical beauty at all, but especially not a single attribute.

[Starr]

I have only glimpsed at the other posts. It was really hard for me when dd cut off her beautiful, below the waist blonde hair at 13. She did it at night, herself. I had to straighten it out the next day. She was encouraged not to cut her own hair late at night by college friends of ours. :D Off and on she toys with the idea of a short cut. She certainly can do whatever she wants with her hair but I do offer my opinions. They are based on personal experience. Things like getting the short cut that you really like, how long it takes to grow back etc. I would read up on locks of love and be sure it's 10 inches total and not 10 healthy inches.

[sparrow]

After seeing a friend who had GORGEOUS hair that she was known for (as in, she got modeling jobs based upon her HAIR!) LOSE her hair and after watching her struggle with her self-worth as it came out by the handfuls, I don't think I could allow my dd's to get so attached to their hair.

 

I don't even remember what the final story was on her hair, I just know that she went through a period of time where several things stressed her and her hair just fell out. :(

 

That's a good point, too.

 

My best friend from elementary school loved her long blond hair. She was so proud the day her mom took her to a real salon for a nice hair cut before the first day of fourth grade.

 

Before that school year was over, she'd been diagnosed with hydrocephaly. She had the first of what would become several surgeries that required her head to be shaved. She was devastated. The following year, she had another surgery. That time, she begged that they shave only the part of her head that was absolutely necessary. They promised. They shaved her whole head, anyway.

 

She spent the rest of her shortened life always in the process of trying to grow her hair out again after the most recent surgery. Not long after her 16th birthday, the doctors finally determined that the initial problems with fluid on the brain were probably caused by a tumor. By the time they found it, there was no surgery that would have helped (at that time). She died before her 19th birthday.

 

The very idea that anyone might have found her any less beautiful because she had less hair makes me want to either cry or scream.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Sadly, hair has also been a topic of discussion regarding gold medal winning gymnast Gabby Douglas.

 

 

ETA: My daughter donated 14 inches of hair 2 years ago. I was incredibly proud of her.

Edited August 6, 2012 by sparrow

[Liz CA]

My best friend's daughter did this for Locks and was completely bald. Her hair grew in beautifully and she was very happy to have done it.

Even if your dd will not like the shorter cut she may like the reason why she has done it.

Edited August 7, 2012 by Liz CA

[8circles]

I think this sounds like its more about you than about her. Despite the fact that you are similar in looks, she is not your clone. You don't know how it will look on her or how she will like it. I think you've said enough and should let her decide what to do.

[OrganicAnn]

I haven't read all of the thread so I'm sure this has been covered. I think that when a parent is overtly concerned about how long a teen girl's hair is, it sends the message that their looks are more important that 'who they are' as in are they a good person, have a sense of humor, have a passion for x, are skilled in y.

 

The girls I knew who were pressured into longer hair as teens, oftern cut their hair short in their twenties. And those those parents want them to have shorter hair (because it was hard to take care of or they were in some sport that made it easier), often had longer hair in their twenties.

 

The lovely thing about hair is that it grows back.

[renmew]

I haven't read but a small handful of the posts (14 pages is a bit much), but this is my experience...

 

I was growing my hair out for donation after dh's mom died of cancer, having lost all of her beautiful hair in treatment. One morning I thought of her, for no real reason,and put on a necklace she had given me. On the way to work, the local radio station put out a contest for World Series tickets. It popped into my head right away, I should cut off all my hair and donate it now! I emailed the station that morning and was picked to be amongst those chosen to compete. The contest was the very next day at the station, and happened to be a student free day at school.

 

My mom was livid. She called my sister and dad begging them to talk me out of it. They loved my idea. The next day a friend andI drove down to the station. We cut of as much as possible, then shaved off the rest to step one. I was about to razor my head smooth when the studio audience begged me not to. They all voted for me and I got the tickets! The hair was donated, and dh and I went to see the Angels play in the World Series. It was the best day ever.

 

Yeah, it sucked to grow out sometimes, and I was hit on by many women, but I have never regretted it. It's just hair to most people, but to someone who is sick, it might be the only thing that helps them feel normal. Let her do it.

[kubiac]

I know she's your kid, and your beautiful daughter, and you have to see her every day, but it's her hair and her life. She's becoming her own person. She will probably make mistakes in the process, but the learning process is necessary and personal and she has to figure out a life that works for her.

 

Sorry, this is a soft spot for me. My mom always cut my hair into a bob because that was what she liked and that was what was easy for her to "deal with," and I always was so distressed by it. Similarly, my MIL is always asking me if I've considered a pixie cut like she has. Grrr...no. (My hair has been long ever since I got out from under my mom's direct control. So there, mom. :P)

 

That said, I love that you asked about "influencing" her! That's absolutely the way to do it, if it can be done, and on that front, try telling her that in your experience, girls chopping off large quantities of hair is a sign of emotional turmoil, and that impulsively going short after a breakup or while under stress is usually a terrible idea, and that everybody will worry about her if she cuts all her hair off. LOL, that probably won't change her mind, but you could throw that at her and see how she reacts.

 

Maybe also see if a new style would inspire her? Do you leave near one of those "blowouts-only" salons like Dry Bar or Blow Angels? Maybe get her a new look for her current hair and see if that changes her opinion?

 

Last but not least, could you just try bribery in the form of a donation to Locks of Love in her name, if she promises not to cut her hair off for X amount of time? Money talks in the real world, maybe it will be similarly powerful in your household in this instance? (I know bribery is supposed to be bad parenting, but...eh.)

 

P.S. The story in the NYT today about Raising Successful Children seems to hit on so many points being discussed in this thread! Maybe worth a read?

 

P.S.2. GOOD LUCK figuring this all out. She sounds like a great kid and she'll no doubt continue being awesome no matter what her hair style!

Edited August 6, 2012 by kubiac

[Slartibartfast]

Hair is not that big of a deal to me.

 

My dh prefers long hair and atm my hair is at my waist but it is curly and difficult to manage. Every now and then I just wack it all off and then grow it out again.

 

My dd's hair is long but it is dyed bright red atm.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Sis

[Guest]

Are there reasons other than religious ones, or ones where a woman's partner (or desired partner) thinks it is more attractive to have long hair, to care about length of hair? I am not trying to be abrupt, but I haven't been able to get why it is a decision different than glasses or clothes style, yet I seem to know people (and hear here) that feel it is deeper than a style choice about type of glasses, or buying a blue sweater or a green one.

 

If there's no religious reason, then I've assumed it is a "what's sexier" which is always a little TMI for me.

 

I have not had time to catch up the 6 pages that happened after I went out last night, but here's two quick things. To this question, I would say, it's because longer hair is a symbol of femininity. Some people don't care about that, but many do and many men do when looking at women.

 

 

To some others in this thread, y'all don't listen. My whole question was if I should influence her hair decision. I'm not planning to strap a chastity belt on the top of her head so she never cuts it in her life. My question was - is it appropriate to advise that I don't think she will be happy with certain styles or should I be mute and let her do whatever in the world she think she wants to do? Since that has been answered to my satisfaction, and since I've had another conversation with DD that worked out fine, I'm finished with explaining the same thing twelve different times.

[TheReader]

I'm of the opinion that hair, and what my boys want to do with it, is not a hill I'll die on. It grows back/can be cut later/color washes out eventually/etc.

 

Also, I have always had long hair but every now and then I get that itch to go short. I do always wind up hating it, but I've done it a few times now. I had to go through hating it and growing it back out, often, to finally have the strength not to act on that impulse (I still wish I looked good with that short pixie type cut, but I finally realized I so don't...). So, I think it's a good lesson for her to learn, now, at 15 rather than say the week before her wedding when she'll be stuck with pics of horrible hair for the rest of her life. (aka, what I did....)

[Skadi]

Are there reasons other than religious ones, or ones where a woman's partner (or desired partner) thinks it is more attractive to have long hair, to care about length of hair? I am not trying to be abrupt, but I haven't been able to get why it is a decision different than glasses or clothes style, yet I seem to know people (and hear here) that feel it is deeper than a style choice about type of glasses, or buying a blue sweater or a green one.

 

DH and I are atheists, but we place a high value on women with long hair because we believe it to be a beautiful tradition of our culture. In Western civilization, it was only in the past century that women began cutting their hair short. We feel that women with long hair seem more feminine. Hair is a reflection of one's values and ideals, just as wearing a specific kind of clothing can be both an indication of one's culture and an important reminder to the person wearing said clothing of what qualities they aspire toward.

[Heather in Neverland]

I have not had time to catch up the 6 pages that happened after I went out last night, but here's two quick things. To this question, I would say, it's because longer hair is a symbol of femininity. Some people don't care about that, but many do and many men do when looking at women.

 

 

To some others in this thread, y'all don't listen. My whole question was if I should influence her hair decision. I'm not planning to strap a chastity belt on the top of her head so she never cuts it in her life. My question was - is it appropriate to advise that I don't think she will be happy with certain styles or should I be mute and let her do whatever in the world she think she wants to do? Since that has been answered to my satisfaction, and since I've had another conversation with DD that worked out fine, I'm finished with explaining the same thing twelve different times.

 

I think you handled it very well. :grouphug:

 

Most decisions like this in the teen years are impulse decisions. The best thing my mom did for me growing up was rather than say NO to everything, she said WAIT.

 

If I had wanted to chop off all my hair (and I did) she would say, "OK. Wait one month and we will revisit the topic."

 

Then if I still REALLY wanted to go through with it she would support me. This "wait" philosophy kept me from making many decisions I would have regretted.

 

:grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

I don't want my dd to cut her hair either but it is just hair, it grows back.

I'd let her, it is a nice thing she wants to do.

[lailasmum]

I really like short hair on women. My hair was pretty much in the Emma Watson cut three months ago. The only annoying thing is when you decide to grow it out you have months and months of bad hair. Too short to do anything with or get recut into a nice style and just looks scruffy. I am currently in the midst of bad hair too short to cut into any nice style.

[Chris in VA]

Well, I guess this thread is sufficiently long and fired up that it will get lumped in with the threads on crockpots, shoes on/off, shopping carts...:D

Hey Quill, did you know you'd start a keeper? :lol:

[PiCO]

Most decisions like this in the teen years are impulse decisions. The best thing my mom did for me growing up was rather than say NO to everything, she said WAIT.

 

If I had wanted to chop off all my hair (and I did) she would say, "OK. Wait one month and we will revisit the topic."

 

LOVE this! I'm going to use it.

 

As for the hair, it is just hair- but you're her mom and you should advise her and tell her your experience. (I assume you've already done that...)

 

Yes, the hair will grow back, and if your daughter's hair is thick it should grow back quickly. My older dd cut her hair really short in 8th grade. It never grew that long again, due to continual chlorine damage. Younger dd got sick of her long hair (it was getting stuck in her sweaty armpits when she worked out- gross!) She chopped it all off and it grew back in a year to being too long for her again.

 

But I don't think too much should be made of a 15-yr old's beauty or lack there of. Beauty's nice, but it can be gone in a day, or 30 years... but external beauty won't last forever. Develop other attributes.

[ma23peas]

Yes, I think it is wrong of you to influence her on your preference...it's coming from vanity...should we put vanity above charity? I don't think ever....I would encourage her and support her and the beauty she gains from donating far exceeds a temporary short hair cut...she should feel good about her decision not second guess it b/c her mother thinks she will not be as attractive.

 

(That said, I completely see it and have the same issue with mine, I want them to get their hair cut but THEY do not want it pixie short so they are trying to grow it out well below the bra strap but it gets stringy..just does not look healthy....so looking 'healthy' is also a vanity thorn....I just let them decide and encourage them in any way they would like it...I always say, "It's your decision, do what feels right." I may think something else, but that is the lesser side of me not the better!

[ma23peas]

I have not had time to catch up the 6 pages that happened after I went out last night, but here's two quick things. To this question, I would say, it's because longer hair is a symbol of femininity. Some people don't care about that, but many do and many men do when looking at women.

 

 

To some others in this thread, y'all don't listen. My whole question was if I should influence her hair decision. I'm not planning to strap a chastity belt on the top of her head so she never cuts it in her life. My question was - is it appropriate to advise that I don't think she will be happy with certain styles or should I be mute and let her do whatever in the world she think she wants to do? Since that has been answered to my satisfaction, and since I've had another conversation with DD that worked out fine, I'm finished with explaining the same thing twelve different times.

 

Not be mute, but be encouraging no matter what! Always point out the positive...I'm still seeing 'vanity' when you mention femininity...those issues are so superficial...I am striving to raise my girls to think critically, give deeply, and live their lives with gusto...fretting about a hairstyle is not on my top list of things to worry about.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

DH and I are atheists, but we place a high value on women with long hair because we believe it to be a beautiful tradition of our culture. In Western civilization, it was only in the past century that women began cutting their hair short. We feel that women with long hair seem more feminine. Hair is a reflection of one's values and ideals, just as wearing a specific kind of clothing can be both an indication of one's culture and an important reminder to the person wearing said clothing of what qualities they aspire toward.

 

Oh really? Please tell me what values and ideals are represented by short hair.

[Parrothead]

I get what you're saying, but most 5 year olds don't take themselves to get their hair cut.

Neither do most 15-year olds, since they can't drive. ;) What they are is capable of saying they want long, short, blue, curly, whatever. I think those choices should be honored.