Do you want your DD's to follow in your footsteps???

[momto2Cs]

I went to college and graduate school, have a fulfilling profession AND am married to a great man and homeschool my children.

 

As far as my kids are concerned: I want happiness for them. I want them to be able to support themselves doing what they love, and i want them to spend their lives with a person they love, if they so choose.

If that fulfillment and support comes from being a SAHM and wife, fine.

If that fulfillment comes form having a job they are passionate about and remaining childless, fine, too.

 

I don't really even think that way. I want my dd's to be who THEY are. I have even told them that I have NO expectations on them as far as marriage/children/homeschooling/career, etc. It is THEIR choice.

 

:iagree:

[kricau]

No, I didn't assume that. I was mearly asking those who have done that (like myself) if they wanted their dd's to do the same. Or if they regretted their path and wanted "more" for their DD's. Does that make sense?

Your options are too narrow so I had to pick other. You've assumed that most of us have gotten out of high school, got married, then started having kids and homeschooling them. I went to college, entered the workforce, and got married in my early 30s then decided to stay home after having dd.

 

No matter what I'd like I hope dd does whatever makes her happiest.

 

My vision for dd of college, and opening her own business is, meeting a nice man then giving me a few grandbabies is nice, but very well may not be what she wants.

[kricau]

:iagree:Thank you . For me it IS the most important job :)

I think that being a stay at home mother is the most important job in the world, but my hopes for my children is that they will do what they feel called to do.

[lmrich]

I guess why not both? I graduated, had a nice career, had babies, home school, run a small tutor business.... I want my grandchildren to stay out of daycare. If they attend a great public or private school or homeschool - I am fine as long as they are read to every night. I would even do it via Skype or whatever else there is by then.

[kalanamak]

It's sad how many women are so bitter. You can't expect to have a life without having planned/educated oneself for a life!

 

I used to practice in a small blue-collar town, and met many women who'd fulfilled their part of the "bargain", even working to increase household income, at Walmart or a preschool, etc, raising kids, keeping house, indulging their loved husbands in their "boys time out", were good to their SILs and MILs etc, and lost husbands through a general trend of self-indulgence and/or drinking. Whole subcultures of women, their sisters and their SIL/MILs in this blue collar town struggling together to raise kids and grandkids. And the males MIA.

 

It was very sad. They planned to be good mommies and work together to be families, and the hubbies went on to extended childhoods.

 

ETA: Oh, and meth hit. Many rural communities are getting hit with it. When Grandpa might have been a weekend binge drinker, working all week, the grandsons are MIA with rotting teeth and arrest records.

Edited July 28, 2012 by kalanamak

[VeganCupcake]

I hope my DD does both--that she gets some higher education and then gets married and has a family later. (I suppose that is precisely what I did :). I married at nearly 31 after getting an MA and working at a fulfilling job for several years.) I am an almost-FT SAHM and it works for our family and I'm glad to be doing it, but I still have that same job and work from home about 5 to 10 hours a week.

 

I wish I had no expectations for my children, but I would be worried for her if, at 18 or 19, she wanted to get married to a 20- or 21-year-old. Or perhaps worse, to a 35+ year old. :tongue_smilie:

[mommymilkies]

I used to practice in a small blue-collar town, and met many women who'd fulfilled their part of the "bargain", even working to increase household income, at Walmart or a preschool, etc, raising kids, keeping house, indulging their loved husbands in their "boys time out", were good to their SILs and MILs etc, and lost husbands through a general trend of self-indulgence and/or drinking. Whole subcultures of women, their sisters and their SIL/MILs in this blue collar town struggling together to raise kids and grandkids. And the males MIA.

 

It was very sad. They planned to be good mommies and work together to be families, and the hubbies went on to extended childhoods.

 

:iagree: Including most of my family. Honestly, this is my biggest concern for my girls someday. I want them to be mothers, because I believe it's the best job in the world. But I also want them to choose their vocation, be happy, and finish college (unlike me!). I will say the only advice I have for them is this (and please no bashing, I have good reasons I don't want to share publicly): don't bring in step-parents if you can possibly avoid it. I also would not be ashamed if my kids were single parents or had their kids through artificial means. I know way too many deadbeat parents and abusive parents who decide they don't want to be parents after the fact. I don't want that for my children.

[Sahamamama]

I haven't read all the other replies, so I don't know if someone's mentioned this already, but....

 

Your "yes: get married" and "no: go to college" responses are assuming that getting married IS following in my footsteps and going to college is NOT.

 

Actually.... it's not that simple. If you had had a different life, you might have posted:

 

Do I want my daughters to follow in my footsteps?

 

 

• No: I want them to get married, have babies, and homeschool them (at least sooner than I did, which was late in life)
  
• Yes: I hope they go to college and do as much with their lives as I did
  

 

I think you should have left off the "yes" and the "no." I'm not trying to be contrary, just pointing out the skewed perspective of the poll answers (IMO).

[stripe]

I haven't read all the other replies, so I don't know if someone's mentioned this already, but....

 

Your "yes: get married" and "no: go to college" responses are assuming that getting married IS following in my footsteps and going to college is NOT.

 

Yeah, I didn't know quite what to make of the poll. It's really not a simple division between SAHMs and working moms, because there are plenty of SAHMs with college degrees and working moms with varying educations as well (plenty who did not go to college). But I certainly do want my daughter to feel she is acting deliberately, not because she has no other options. And I would be perfectly happy to help her with her kids so that she could pursue her career more fully. I admit that I have zero investment in my kids homeschooling their kids, though. I do want them to value education.

 

I used to practice in a small blue-collar town, and met many women who'd fulfilled their part of the "bargain", even working to increase household income, at Walmart or a preschool, etc, raising kids, keeping house, indulging their loved husbands in their "boys time out", were good to their SILs and MILs etc, and lost husbands through a general trend of self-indulgence and/or drinking. Whole subcultures of women, their sisters and their SIL/MILs in this blue collar town struggling together to raise kids and grandkids. And the males MIA.

 

It was very sad. They planned to be good mommies and work together to be families, and the hubbies went on to extended childhoods.

It seems to me that this is becoming increasingly common across many segments of society. It's really bizarre. I have younger male relatives who appear to be completely aimless in life -- it's rather frightening.

[Joker]

I want both of my dds to go to college, and I hope they graduate before getting married. So, that wouldn't be following in my footsteps.

 

I hope older dd then spends a lot of time travelling and doing what she has said she's always wanted to do. I know she has plans other than marrying and starting a family and I hope she does them all.

 

I could totally see younger dd doing things earlier than older and being perfectly happy, though. I just want them each to do what will make them happy, and allow them to take care of theirselves.

[akmommy]

No, I want to them to find their own path. I hope the things we teach them will help them live honest and moral lives, but the path they follow is theirs to find.

 

 

I don't wish my life on them that's for certain. My oldest DD is Nineteen and currently working full time at a good job, supports herself and doesn't ask us for anything. I do wish she would go back to school, but that is ultimately her choice and she is young so there is time.

Edited July 28, 2012 by akmommy

[Maverick_Mom]

I voted yes, with the understanding that this is what *I* *want* and not what is necessarily best for my daughters. ;)

 

I admit, I'm biased. I went from having a full-time job (and making more money than my dh) to being a stay-at-home mother, and I feel that for me, the latter has been a vastly superior experience. That's no doubt because that's what God wanted me to do -- be a full-time stay-at-home mom and homeschool my children. (We haven't always homeschooled -- we kind of evolved into it.) Speaking for myself, being home full-time has been the only way that makes sense for me. I couldn't live in two different worlds and juggle two jobs, not even with the best support in the world. And what I have learned about life, my children, my husband, and about myself in the process is invaluable. So if I could know that my daughters could experience the same thing, I would be very happy. But I am just one person, and God's plan for me is not necessarily His plan for my daughters. Part of me hopes that they will find fulfillment primarily in marriage and children (with homeschooling as part of the picture). But at the end of the day, I want what God wants for them, whatever that looks like.

[elegantlion]

I voted other and my vote is pretty irrelevant because I have a ds, not a dd. But I fully believe I would be raising a daughter in the same fashion. My footsteps were married young, divorced, no kids, worked. Got remarried and worked until ds was born when I was 30. I have no degree.

 

I would hope a dd would pursue her passions for herself, such as career, then worry about the husband as he came along. I spent way too much time trying to find the "right guy" instead of pursuing the dreams I had for myself. One bad marriage later, I was jaded. My parents didn't prepare for much of the adult life and I felt like I needed a partner in the journey.

 

I love my dh, we got married when I was 25 and he was 32, but I have regrets about things I didn't follow on my own. Being married didn't stop me, but the distraction of life did. I thought I'd be okay not pursuing those goals. I'm 45 and I would still loved to have spent a life doing those things. I didn't.

 

I love homeschooling, and I'm probably the last woman on earth that would say that, but this is a season of my life. It seems like we just started and I'm already glimpsing the final phase.

 

My concern with preparing for marriage and family is that my dd, assuming she had my genetics, would settle for mr. right-now instead of mr. right. I have friends that are single and in their 30s. They're okay with it, although I know they want marriage. They just aren't willing to settle for anyone (they're not looking for perfection either).

 

I believe all of our passions, desires as adults, involve other people. Marriage requires a huge commitment from both parties involved. I'm not sure I'd want to set my dd up to be looking for that commitment from another in order to feel like she has a life. I want her to feel fulfilled as an individual before she'd enter into a marriage. I hope this makes sense, It's the middle of the night.

[Denisemomof4]

Either. Dd12 definitely wants to get married and have babies. She says she'd like to homeschool.

 

Dd9 is....... 9. ;). She has said she doesn't think she wants to marry, especially not a Chinese man. (she's .Chinese) She wants to become a massage therapist.

 

Their life, their choice. :001_smile:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

No, i do not want either to follow in my footsteps at all! I've never been married (my parents have 7 marriages between them, and that's enough to go around), had a baby at 17 and 21, worked with the carnival, and currently have nothing. We live off some very sad numbers.

 

I don't think i have to worry too much about dd having babies young. She sees what can happen; her brother having multiple issues, park parents that can't/don't care for their kids, and she sort of knows how broke we are (i *need* to work the fair to get them new sneakers).

 

I am concerned about ds following in his father's footsteps (making, but never caring for babies). I hope that he sees how important it is for kids to be cared for by their parents.

 

I would like for dd to get a degree somewhere. I'm not sure if a push for college is in ds's future, but if he goes into a hands-on field, i do want him to have some official training for it (his father is a plumber and a good one, but isn't licensed so can't work for himself).

 

If they have kids, i hope they're married first, or with a long term partner.

[Denisemomof4]

I used to practice in a small blue-collar town, and met many women who'd fulfilled their part of the "bargain", even working to increase household income, at Walmart or a preschool, etc, raising kids, keeping house, indulging their loved husbands in their "boys time out", were good to their SILs and MILs etc, and lost husbands through a general trend of self-indulgence and/or drinking. Whole subcultures of women, their sisters and their SIL/MILs in this blue collar town struggling together to raise kids and grandkids. And the males MIA.

 

It was very sad. They planned to be good mommies and work together to be families, and the hubbies went on to extended childhoods.

 

:001_huh: that's disgusting.

[garddwr]

I don't see college as just preparation for a career. For me it was great experience both in learning and in life (and also where I met my husband). I certainly hope my daughters will have the opportunity to marry and be mothers, and if so that they can stay home with their children. That is the highest priority in my life, as it was in my mother's life. But I don't see the options as marriage/motherhood OR college/career. I was involved in a career for a short time before having children and it played a significant role in our lives. I know many mothers who use their educational background both in and out of the home while primarily focusing their energy on raising their children. I also know women who would love to marry but have not had the opportunity or who have not been blessed with children and are using their talents and education in wonderful ways out in the world.

[lailasmum]

No I hope my kids grow up with the confidence to find the job they have a passion for and pursue it rather than just give up everything to parent like I did. In hindsight it wasn't a positive move for me to have kids before I had found what I wanted to do with my life and it is definitely making me restless now.

 

I also hope they are at a more fulfilled and financially stable point in life if they do decide to have a family. My parents were only very superficially supportive of the goals I had as a teen and not really very good on the guidance front which didn't help me so I hope that just the fact that our kids have a more supportive environment will help them to avoid the same mistakes I made.

[creekland]

I had to vote other as I only have sons... but if I had daughters (and for my DILs), I'm hoping they have a 4 year college degree (perhaps from the same schools my boys choose so they can have fun and college experiences together), then choose whichever path the two of them decide upon. I'm ok if they work, or not. I'm ok if they homeschool, or not.

 

I definitely would like to see them have degrees (I'll admit my bias there), but no matter who my boys choose or what their paths are, they'll be accepted. ;)

 

Oldest has a fiancee now - a student from his school who will graduate a year before he does. I wish them well!

[Donna]

Why can't they do both things?

 

I agree. I went to college, got married, have kids, homeschool them, and work part-time making a decent amount of money doing something I love to do.

[Carrie12345]

I want my dds (and dss) to get educations and explore options before deciding what paths (plural) to take.

[Mommyfaithe]

This was sort of an odd question because the assumption is that the Mom did not go to college or trade school, and is a stay at home mom who no longer works or has a career. That is just simply not true for us all in this demographic.

[Dmmetler]

Both! I had a career for more than a decade before DD was born, and it's likely I'll have one in another 10 years or so when she's off to her adult life.

[Mimm]

If they get married, I want them to marry someone wonderful, obviously. :) If they decide to have kids, I hope they care deeply about their education and see it as something worth sacrificing for. I got married young (19) and had kids right away so I didn't really figure out what I wanted to do with my life till it was pretty much decided. I hope they do that part differently, but really, I will support them however I can in whatever they want to do.

[chepyl]

I picked other. Neither of Tue first two fit me. I went to college, I have a master's degree, I own a business where I get to do what I love, plus keep my kids with me if I need to. I am married to a wonderful man and I get to homeschool my kids. If my baby girl wants to do that I am supportive. If she wants to have a high powered career, fine. If she wants to stay at home, fine. Whatever she wants to do, I will support her decision. Of course, right now.....she wants to be just like me ;) she is only 4.

[Parrothead]

No, I didn't assume that. I was mearly asking those who have done that (like myself) if they wanted their dd's to do the same. Or if they regretted their path and wanted "more" for their DD's. Does that make sense?

Not to argue the point, but enough people have pointed out the same as I. If you are targeting a specific subgroup on the forum, you need to specify that in your OP.

[Parrothead]

This was sort of an odd question because the assumption is that the Mom did not go to college or trade school, and is a stay at home mom who no longer works or has a career. That is just simply not true for us all in this demographic.

:iagree:

[TravelingChris]

I had to vote other. FIrst of all, I want both of them to go to college and start on a career. I don't want any of them marrying until they finish college. BUT; and this is a big but, I sent off my older dd to college last year and she came home at spring break with a very serious medical problem which is still undiagnosed. She is going back to the Mayo Clinic right before college starts up this fall but since she doesn't know that she will be okay by then, she is only doing online classes in the fall. Depending on whether we ever find out what is wrong, and if there is any help for her, and how fast that help might work, I can't say anything about what will happen. THe local university does not have her desired major or minor (economics and criminal justice) and depending on what her diagnosis is, depends on what will happen with her. So my opinions may change. I know that finishing college and working is really what she wants. What will happen, I don't know.

[AdventureMoms]

I used to practice in a small blue-collar town, and met many women who'd fulfilled their part of the "bargain", even working to increase household income, at Walmart or a preschool, etc, raising kids, keeping house, indulging their loved husbands in their "boys time out", were good to their SILs and MILs etc, and lost husbands through a general trend of self-indulgence and/or drinking. Whole subcultures of women, their sisters and their SIL/MILs in this blue collar town struggling together to raise kids and grandkids. And the males MIA.

 

It was very sad. They planned to be good mommies and work together to be families, and the hubbies went on to extended childhoods.

 

It is a story that I have seen play out too many times. In my family and in the tiny town I grew up in. It definitely plays into my reasoning for why i'd want my kids to prepare for a career before they start their families. Even in this crazy economy, it would be easier for me to get back in the game (I had a good paying career pre-kids) than to start from scratch.

[kricau]

I am finding this out. I mut be a minority on here LOL I did skip college and go straight to being married and having kids. And I LOVE IT!!!

This was sort of an odd question because the assumption is that the Mom did not go to college or trade school, and is a stay at home mom who no longer works or has a career. That is just simply not true for us all in this demographic.

[kricau]

Yeah, I think that would have been better. Ooops :(

Not to argue the point, but enough people have pointed out the same as I. If you are targeting a specific subgroup on the forum, you need to specify that in your OP.

[ChristyB in TN]

Nope. I married young, finished college late, and am an entrepreneur. I want her to finish med school (she is pre med now) and find herself a meaningful place of her own before she shares her life with a family of her own. My life is fun because I get to work with my husband and am surrounded by people I love all the time. I realize my situation would be difficult to recreate. She has a completely different personality and outlook, thank goodness! It is fun to watch her grow.

[Parrothead]

I am finding this out. I mut be a minority on here LOL I did skip college and go straight to being married and having kids. And I LOVE IT!!!

Here you go. ;)

 

[Crimson Wife]

Even in this crazy economy, it would be easier for me to get back in the game (I had a good paying career pre-kids) than to start from scratch.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

The economy is a huge mess and seemingly secure jobs can vanish overnight. Companies that have never had any layoffs in their 30+ year history can be forced to restructure (BTDT). The primary breadwinner can be told in April that "if you're in this room, you don't have anything to worry about" and then come July, his whole team is eliminated, leaving him hustling to find another team willing to take him on before the company forces him out. (BTDT one too).

 

"Displaced homemakers" with degrees and work experience will typically fare much better in finding a job if necessary than ones with little or no college & job history.

[elegantlion]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

The economy is a huge mess and seemingly secure jobs can vanish overnight. Companies that have never had any layoffs in their 30+ year history can be forced to restructure (BTDT). The primary breadwinner can be told in April that "if you're in this room, you don't have anything to worry about" and then come July, his whole team is eliminated, leaving him hustling to find another team willing to take him on before the company forces him out. (BTDT one too).

 

"Displaced homemakers" with degrees and work experience will typically fare much better in finding a job if necessary than ones with little or no college & job history.

 

:iagree: If I didn't have some skills, I would have been cashiering at Walmart this summer. Instead I was able to find online work and stay home.

 

I fully believe homemaking is a job, skill, calling, what have you. But I also agree it is important that a mother have some marketable skills and a good education. I have no college, but I have been self-educating and learning since before ds was born. So the learning doesn't have to be formal, but I believe it should be intentional. It has made me a better mother and teacher. Nothing like looking at a third grade grammar book and realizing you need to learn it yourself (maybe again) before you move on.

 

I also believe, and this point was brought up in another thread, that should a mother become a widow, with skills she can better provide for her family. My MIL was widowed with 5 small children and no college. Not only did she have to attend college and work full-time, she had children doing a lot of the parenting work. She made the right choice and developed a long successful career, but she had to start from scratch. It was hard on all the kids and my dh got away with a lot of stuff that would make your hair stand on end. Part of it was because his mother was going to school and working to better herself. She has told me several times she would have been quite content to stay home and bake cookies.

[higginszoo]

It's their lives. I'll be happy either way. I would have been happy myself either way. I think part of what keeps me happy homeschooling is I have options. I have the education, the skills to go out and be a career woman. I'm happy being home with my children, but I think part of that comes from the fact that I choose to be.

Edited July 29, 2012 by higginszoo

[kalanamak]

Thanks for all the input. I am pulling it because alot of people have said I should have been more specific in my target group. I didn't mean to offend anyone. Thanks for all the input.

 

No one is actually offended, dear, just blunt. :grouphug:

And really, this isn't delete-worthy. You didn't reveal a secret passion for your neighbor's standard poodle, nor did you encourage the assassination of abortionists, nor did you complain about your husbands small tEA pot. ;)

[pehp]

I hope that my daughter finds her vocation.

 

For me, this has been discovering my vocation as a wife, mother, teacher of my children. I'm trained as an attorney and grateful for my education; it has served me well. I have no wish to return to the practice of law anytime soon, though. I'm where I need to be! I suppose my wish for my daughter is that she would also find her true calling and pursue it. God has different plans for us all!

[JustGin]

Either because I want them to lead their own lives, but I definitely HOPE they have babies because I want grandchildren :tongue_smilie: If they do have children and choose to homeschool that would be awesome, but I'll love 'em anyway. :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

No one is actually offended, dear, just blunt. :grouphug:

And really, this isn't delete-worthy. You didn't reveal a secret passion for your neighbor's standard poodle, nor did you encourage the assassination of abortionists, nor did you complain about your husbands small tEA pot. ;)

:iagree: And for someone here such a short time, you've been able to start a possibly somewhat controversial thread. Way to go. :cheers2::thumbup1:;)

 

You've now joined the ranks of of the notorious. :lol:

[Element]

And really, this isn't delete-worthy. You didn't reveal a secret passion for your neighbor's standard poodle, nor did you encourage the assassination of abortionists, nor did you complain about your husbands small tEA pot. ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol: Oh, my. I'm familiar with most of the tEA references, but this one is new to me and it is hilarious.

 

As far as what I wish for my daughter, I hope she becomes (and I will quote my mom here) "a happy, productive member of society." Growing up, that is all my mom ever wanted for me, and I never believed her until I had kids of my own. Now I know what she meant and I understand completely. Basically: try to give more than you take, and lead a fulfilling life.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I want my children to get an education. I want my daughter to have some independence and live on her own for a while. I hope she will get married, have babies - I want grandbabies!. If she homeschooled them, great. If not, I am sure she would make a good choice that put her children's needs first. I do hope my sons get married and have children as well.

[MiniBlondes]

And really, this isn't delete-worthy. You didn't reveal a secret passion for your neighbor's standard poodle, nor did you encourage the assassination of abortionists, nor did you complain about your husbands small tEA pot. ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[kricau]

:lol::lol::lol:

Here you go. ;)

[kricau]

I am not sure I understood all of that LOL But thank you :)

No one is actually offended, dear, just blunt. :grouphug:

And really, this isn't delete-worthy. You didn't reveal a secret passion for your neighbor's standard poodle, nor did you encourage the assassination of abortionists, nor did you complain about your husbands small tEA pot. ;)

[kricau]

:lol::tongue_smilie: Thanks Parrothead. "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx

:iagree: And for someone here such a short time, you've been able to start a possibly somewhat controversial thread. Way to go. :cheers2::thumbup1:;)

 

You've now joined the ranks of of the notorious. :lol:

[DawnM]

I haven't read the entire thread AND I have no girls, but my father told me that he didn't care if I got my degree and never used it, he just wanted me to have something to fall back on.

 

I actually DID work for 17 years after college and do have something to fall back on, for which I am very thankful.

 

I would have the same advice for my daughter if I had one.

[allymom]

I voted that of course I'd be pleased with whatever path they choose. But I do think it would be wonderful if they followed in my footsteps. Motherhood is one of the highest callings a person can have and such a blessed life!

[Tabrett]

Voted other.

I want them to do both. I did both. I have a degree in music and have used it by teaching school, part-time music director and solo singer. Why must it be one or the other?

I would like to lead my girls in a career path that allows both to be done. Oldest dd is getting a degree in music like me.

 

Maybe my younger dd can start a home business or such.

 

Don't settle. Help them find something flexible and fulfilling.;)

[Ravin]

Since MY path wasn't get married, have babies, and homeschool them...

 

Serve in the Navy, get married, finish enlistment, start college, have baby, go back to school when she's a year old, work part time while homeschooling, have another baby, go to law school while still homeschooling...

 

I hope she can aim for her goals and dreams, adapt to life as it happens, and not lose sight of either.